Steven remained silent even after Priyanka had left, after saying something about calling the mental health facility to inform them that he was being admitted. He hadn't quite disagreed - mostly because, after explaining exactly what a mental health facility (or 'mental hospital') was, Priyanka had also explained - albeit gently - that given his recent suicide attempt and the fact that he couldn't say for certain whether or not he was going to try again regardless, he didn't quite have much room for disagreement. He had to be monitored for the next few days. The hybrid didn't really get what the big deal was; he doubted it was going to get better in just a few days of being supervised and watched over like an infant. But he didn't say that, because he didn't want to have to be there any longer than he'd already have to. As much as he wanted to argue, Priyanka hadn't given him a chance to; he was still struggling to wrap his mind around it.
Greg didn't seem to be faring any better; after Priyanka had left, his father ended up putting his head in his hands, breathing in shakily as if he was trying to calm himself down. Steven, honestly, felt more or less numb than anything. He was… confused. Of course, Greg had already told him that Priyanka wanted to see whether or not he needed to be kept under supervision for a while, but he hadn't been expecting to be moved somewhere else, too. A place where, apparently, other patients with 'mental illnesses' were cared for. And that was, possibly, one of the harder things to grasp. The fact that he had a 'mental illness'. The fact that there was something wrong with him. Well, she hadn't said that - but… what was he supposed to think?
The hybrid grimaced, lowering his head slightly and glaring down at his hands. The silence remained for a good minute or so, while Greg struggled to piece himself back together. Not too long ago, Steven might be trying to reassure him, comfort him, help him compose himself - but he didn't feel like doing that, not right then. He felt like losing himself in the whirlwind of his own thoughts, the rapid spinning and churning his brain was doing in a futile attempt to genuinely register the information he had been given. He felt like sitting back and letting himself drown until the thoughts turned self-destructive, like they always seemed to; until every bad thought that had been holding itself back finally came forward with the hurricane of emotions, until the numbness finally diminished completely, lost in the storm for eternity. It was a nice plan.
Unfortunately, he didn't get very far; Greg finally pushed himself up and walked over to sit on the bed with him, and Steven slowly flicked his gaze up to his father, narrowing his eyes slightly. Honestly, a large part of him wanted to blame Greg for this, since he was the one who had called Priyanka in the first place - but he'd be lying if he said that a little bit of his anger didn't diminish when he caught a glimpse of his father's expression. He wasn't crying, exactly, but he looked close enough; his eyes were dry, but his lower lip and jaw trembled slightly as he reached out and rested his hands over Steven's, giving them both a light squeeze. The hybrid glanced down for a second, then looked back up at his father when he spoke. "Everything's… everything's gonna be okay, kiddo. This- this is gonna be good… good for you…" Greg shook his head a little, grimacing, as if even he didn't believe his own words, and Steven sighed.
Every part of him ached to reassure him, to comfort him; even through his anger, even through his numbness, it was like some kind of instinctual reaction, one he hardly registered at all.
But he fought it regardless.
Steeling himself, the teenager pulled one hand away, and then the other, shaking his head slightly at his father and leaning back with a frown. "A mental health facility, Dad," he reminded Greg, and the expression on his father's face - a mixture of panic and dread - was enough of a sign that he hadn't really needed to be reminded at all. "She's sending me to the crazy house. It's that bad. And it's not even going to help-" He stopped, hissing out a sigh through his teeth, and twisted his mouth into a scowl as he looked away, toward the door. "What's a few days under 'supervision' going to do? It's not gonna change how I feel anyway, so what…"
"That's not the-" Greg shook his head a little, pulling his own hand back to rub it over his face instead. Steven rolled his eyes, sinking his head back into the pillow, and glared up at the ceiling. "That's not the point, exactly, Steven… it's just to make sure you don't…"
"And what," Steven growled, gritting his teeth together and narrowing his eyes toward the ceiling, "is going to stop me from doing so when I get out of the mental hospital."
Greg fell silent, but he didn't need to say anything for Steven to recognize exactly how hard those words hit; he leaned back a little, breathing in shakily through his teeth as he stared down at the hybrid, and Steven screwed his eyes shut, taking a moment to recompose himself. Right, he didn't want to end up in the mental health facility any longer than he had to be, so he couldn't say these things. Honestly, he was regretting even saying anything to begin with. But it was too late to turn back now - but it wasn't too late to watch his mouth before he said anything else that could land him in a worse situation. "Look, I just…" The hybrid ran his tongue over his lips slowly, grimacing, and blinked his eyes open again. But he didn't look at his father, instead choosing to root his gaze to the wall instead. "I- I hate this. I hate needing to go to a-" He huffed out a laugh, cold and mirthless, "freakin'... looney bin… I'm not even…" He fell silent for a moment, the dry smile on his face fading back into a scowl. "... or maybe I am. I don't…"
"It's not a looney bin," Greg mumbled, furrowing his eyebrows. "And you're not crazy. You're just…" His father trailed off, and Steven finally glanced over at him, quirking an eyebrow.
"I'm sorry, would you prefer 'psychotic'?"
"Steven-"
"Or, uh," Steven continued, ignoring him now, "insane? Deranged? Demented? Unhinged?" He huffed out another laugh, spitting out the sound through gritted teeth. "Because that's- those are the kind of people that end up in those places, right? The mentally ill ones that can't be trusted not to hurt themselves or other people, right? You can say it, Dad, I know I'm-" He clenched his teeth, closing his eyes for a moment and finally taking a deep, shuddery breath. "God…"
He let his head drop against the pillow again, lifting a hand to rub his eyes. Greg had long fallen silent, flicking his gaze around desperately as he struggled to think of something to say, but they both knew there was hardly a point to that. This whole situation was fucked; Steven knew it, Greg knew it, and his father was wasting precious time trying to figure out how to make it look less fucked. He did wonder, though - because, while he knew this whole 'mental health facility' wasn't going to help him regardless - whether it was going to make it worse. Right then, it definitely felt worse; his mind was racing in a way that it hadn't been for a while, the numb anger accompanied by something a little more frantic now, something threatening to eat him alive.
I mean, jeez, I already know I hate myself… The hybrid narrowed his eyes, staring at the door for a moment. The hell is sending me to a place where a bunch of other people hate themselves going to do for me? Kickstart my 'help everyone' thing? Oh, great, I'm gonna walk outta there worse than I walked in, aren't I? He almost wanted to laugh at the thought; honestly, if this had happened a while ago, he probably would want to go - just so he could help all the other crazies in the mental hospital. But… no, he didn't do that anymore. He was going against the whole 'doing what he was made to do' thing, right? Not that I'm not tempted… he mused, biting the inside of his cheek. Hell, maybe I could avoid this whole thing if I just go back to normal. Sickly Sweet Steven Universe, savior of the galaxy…! I helped a whole bunch of aliens, maybe I should start helping humans too. Then I might actually have something to live for…
He clasped a hand over his face and shook his head a little, sighing through his teeth. As much as he wanted to believe all his problems would magically disappear if he went back to that, he knew better now. Alright, bright sides, his mind nagged - such a change from the whole 'you're an awful person and deserve to die' thing that he was used to thinking that he actually wondered what the fuck was going on in his brain now, and if, somehow, the 'mental hospital' thing had broken him even further - but his mind kept spinning regardless, and Steven couldn't exactly ignore it, at least I don't gotta be around the gems for a while now, right?
Right! I just gotta be around a bunch of other people that wanna baby me, and think I'm a lunatic, he mused right back in response, rolling his eyes to the side.
Ah, his mind had nothing to refute that with.
He was sure his pink twin might be able to think of something - and, speaking of which, he was actually somewhat tempted to just let himself pass out right then and there so he could retreat back to where his brother was instead. He had to say, he was much more tolerable. But then he also ran the risk of his gem half somehow convincing him that the whole mental hospital thing was a good thing - which Steven, honestly, wouldn't put past him at this point - and he wasn't going to stand for that. Oh, no. He was going to hate this. He was going to hate this with every fiber of his being, with a passion, and nothing was going to make it better, because he hated it.
You hate everything… His mind scoffed, and, this time, Steven actually didn't have anything to argue back with that, because… yeah, it was pretty much true, he hated everything.
He puffed his cheeks out and sighed, finally lifting his head again to look at Greg, who had ended up just fixing his gaze on the monitor. "You know what? You take me out of here, right now, and I'll stay in the van with you and you can watch me for a few days."
Greg glanced down at him, frowning slightly now. For a moment, though, it did almost look like his father was considering it - and Steven bit back a smirk despite himself, he always had been good at getting his father to change his mind - but then the man shook his head, and the smile faded slightly as he spoke, "no, kiddo. If… if Priyanka says this is the right thing to do, then…"
"Oh, come-" Steven shook his head a little, not knowing whether to be irritated or impressed that Greg was actually standing by this decision in the first place. "Look- It's the right thing to do for humans, right? The whole mental hospital thing- it's a human thing. And you said it yourself-! I'm not like other kids. I'm barely even human, right? So this whole thing is a waste of time." He raised an eyebrow at his father, tilting his head slightly. "Do you really think it's gonna help?"
"Okay, first of all." Greg raised a hand, looking somewhat uncertain now, but a slightly stern expression had flickered across his face. "You are not 'barely' human, you are half human. Second of all, I don't know if this is gonna help, Steven, but we've still gotta try. And third, maybe this is a human thing, but what you're going through right now- that's also a human thing." At this, Steven twisted his mouth sharply into a grimace, narrowing his eyes and looking away again, and Greg sighed. "Kiddo, I just want what's best for you. I want you to be safe."
"From me. I get it. But I'm going to be wherever I go, Dad," Steven hissed, staring at the door again. "Whether I'm with you or whether I'm here or in the crazy house, it's not gonna change what I feel or what I think or whatever I do when I'm not under supervision- basically, at this point, it's just- it's just delaying the inevitable, right?" His lower jaw trembled slightly as he clenched his teeth, fighting back the pressure building in his chest. "I mean… what, are they gonna keep me locked up forever? Is that…" He paused, pupils shrinking slightly, and snapped his head back around to look up at his father. "Wait- is that something they can-"
"No- no, Steven," Greg interrupted, raising both of his hands now. "Don't think like that, that's not what's gonna happen-" Okay, that wasn't particularly reassuring, because he wasn't exactly saying that it wasn't an option, "-it's going to be fine, everything's gonna be fine, it's okay."
"What about this situation possibly leads you to believe that this is okay?" Steven snapped, shaking his head slightly. Greg opened his mouth and faltered, seemingly not knowing what to say to that, and Steven took the chance to compose himself again - as much as possible, anyways - before he spoke up again, somewhat strained, "okay, I really, really don't wanna go." Just thinking about it, at this point, was stressing him out; his stomach had already been in knots, but now it felt ten times worse than it had been. And it was only pissing him off.
"I know you don't…" Greg began, and stopped, rubbing his hand over his face with a sigh.
Steven fell silent for a while after that, gritting his teeth slightly. Now, now, of all times, his father decides to actually be firm with him, actually go through with these things. Sure, Steven could be glad that he was actually stepping up and being a father, but right then, more than ever, he would have preferred the old Greg. Hell, he knew his father would have taken him out of the hospital the moment he asked, mostly because, honestly, he knew Greg couldn't possibly be comfortable with any of this either. But, no, he had to go and run his mouth and tell Greg that he'd never been there for him and he didn't want a father that just let him do whatever he wanted to do and put him in danger and… jeez, talk about 'be careful what you wish for'...
Right, well… The teenager huffed, letting his head fall back. Who asked for this? Who wanted this? Oh, right, Steven. Deal with it already, get over it, this is life for you now…
… endless suffering…
He narrowed his eyes, fully prepared to launch himself into the endless, taunting abyss of his self-destructive thoughts for yet another round of 'hating himself for an indefinite amount of time', but, unfortunately, once again, he was interrupted. His heart sank straight to his stomach when the door opened, breath hitching as his gaze snapped up to stare at it. It was one of - unfortunately - many times he could say he dreaded seeing Priyanka walking in, but judging by the look on her face, she seemed to be dreading this interaction almost as much as he was.
"The mental health facility is ready for you," she informed them, but she stared at Steven as she spoke, eyeing him somewhat warily, as if she could tell how completely against this entire situation he really was. Which, of course she could - he wasn't exactly making an active effort to hide it from anybody. "You'll have to check in, of course, but I've briefed them on the situation."
Steven stared at her for a moment, then flicked his gaze toward Greg. "Dad?" He prompted, sitting up a little bit, a last-ditch effort to change his father's mind and call the whole thing off.
Greg shook his head at him silently, then turned back to Priyanka, pushing himself up slightly. "Thanks, Dr. Maheswaran…" He sighed, glancing back at Steven when the hybrid let loose a quiet grunt from the back of his throat, a mixture of disappointment and fury. "Come on, Schtu-ball, don't be like that. You know this is for the best," he chided, and Steven only narrowed his eyes slightly, not knowing whether to focus his attention on disagreeing with that statement, or tell his father off for calling him 'Schtu-ball' again. "I'm gonna call a cab, and-"
"Wait, a cab?" Priyanka interrupted, and both father and son flicked their gazes toward her. Greg paused with his mouth open, looking briefly like he expected to be scolded like a child - which, honestly, amused Steven for a moment, but he couldn't say he blamed him - as Priyanka glanced between them. "You took a- alright, hang on, what happened to the van?"
"Hi." Steven raised a hand slightly, then dropped it again. "Yeah, I crashed that too. Not a suicide attempt, but kind of a fit of rage. Half accidental, half on purpose. You know-" He looked back over at Greg, quirking an eyebrow at his father, "I'll be fine if you just don't let me near c-"
"Ah." Greg raised a finger to silence him, and Steven wavered slightly, snapping his mouth shut and glaring up at the man silently. "Steven, you're going, end of conversation." Turning back to Priyanka, then, while Steven was too half-stunned to continue arguing with him, he added, "yeah, the van's still under some repairs. So until it's ready, transportation is limited." Priyanka didn't respond for a moment, continuing to glance back and forth between them, before heaving out a sigh and rubbing her hand over her face with a frown.
"I'll drive you," she offered after a moment, and Steven's eyebrows raised slightly in surprise. Greg looked a little confused, but not particularly shocked. "I have to stop by anyway. Forms…" The doctor rolled her eyes, adjusting her coat. "Just give me a moment, I'll send in a few nurses to help you back into your wheelchair, and we can go-"
"Ohhh, no," Steven interrupted, raising both hands this time. Priyanka looked down at him - and Steven was suddenly reminded of why, exactly, he didn't talk back to her, ever - but he shook his head and forced himself to continue, "nope, I don't need help with that, I'm good, no nurses. Seriously, I think I'm already being humiliated enough at this point, I definitely don't need that." Both Priyanka and his father frowned when he said that, and Priyanka looked about ready to argue, but Steven was already twisting to pull himself up off of the bed - and Greg quickly moved over to help him, much to the hybrid's chagrin. "No nurses needed. All good."
Priyanka watched for a moment, then sighed, obviously disapproving, but thankfully not arguing. "Very well." She opened the door again and headed out, leaving it open this time, and Steven let out a slightly victorious grunt as he managed to push himself off of the bed and onto his good foot, while Greg pushed the wheelchair up to the bed with a slightly worried frown.
"Guess the medicine helped a little, huh?"
"Guess so," Steven muttered, reaching forward slightly to grab onto the back of the wheelchair, and turning himself around so he could sit back into it. Greg moved over to grab his shoulder, easing him back into it carefully. "I didn't think it would," he admitted, "since I'm not human."
"You're half human," Greg reminded him again, and Steven rolled his eyes. "So maybe it half works." He reached out slightly, hand hovering over the hybrid's head - most likely to ruffle his hair - and, though he did grimace slightly, Steven was willing to allow him one - but his father pulled away after a moment, seemingly thinking better of it. "You ready for this, bud?"
"No," Steven mumbled, twisting his mouth slightly. Greg heaved out a quiet sigh - which Steven was easily able to deduce, likely meant his father wasn't ready, either - but he said nothing else as he walked around to stand behind the wheelchair, rolling him out of the room.
Steven narrowed his eyes slightly, glancing toward nurses and doctors as they waved at him while they passed, and lifted his hand slightly to offer half-hearted waves back at them before turning his attention back to his father. "So, what are you gonna do?" He leaned back a little, using his good leg to shift the other one over a little, and wincing slightly as he did so. "Gonna… like… stay in the crazy house, too? Help 'supervise' me?" He rolled his eyes again.
"I don't know if I'm allowed to," Greg responded slowly, furrowing his eyebrows as Steven tilted his head to look back up at him after a moment. "But I know there's visiting hours, so…" He glanced down at the hybrid, offering a small smile. "I'll be there as often as I can."
"Great," Steven sighed, and even he couldn't tell whether he was being genuine or sarcastic at that point. Honestly, he figured, it was probably a little bit of both at this point. Caught in the middle. He fell silent for a moment, thinking that over. Visiting hours… so he wouldn't be stuck with strangers all the time, then? At the very least, Greg could come by, and then Steven might have a valid excuse not to interact with anybody else there. Hell, maybe Jasper could… ah, no, no, he couldn't - shouldn't - think like that, he couldn't rely on Jasper for company, not after everything that had happened. She'd be busy with Little Homeschool, anyway. And the gems… "... are you gonna tell the gems?" He asked slowly, glancing back up at Greg.
"Ah…" Greg grimaced slightly, narrowing his eyes as he stared ahead now. It was kind of funny, seeing his expression shift like that at the mere mention of the gems. He couldn't recall a time his father had ever been upset at any of them. At least, not like this. But it was definitely somewhat… comforting, if he was being honest, to know that he wasn't the only one that was. "I mean… yeah, I'm gonna tell them. They deserve to know, at least, and I've gotta talk to them anyway." His father paused, frowning. "But if you don't want them visiting, that's totally fair."
"Good, I don't," Steven replied pleasantly, allowing a brief smile to appear on his face before he let it drop again, twisting his mouth back into the seemingly permanent scowl he usually wore. "Might as well make the best out of this and take the chance to get away from them for a while."
"You'll be getting away from them for a while anyway," Greg grumbled, and Steven glanced back up again, furrowing his eyebrows. "I don't trust them to take care of you. Especially not now," his father sighed, shaking his head slightly. "I don't know what I'm gonna do, but, I'll figure something out. But I think it's best for you to stay with me for a while anyway, once you get out of the facility." He glanced down at Steven, then looked ahead again. "Just… in case…"
"Mm." Steven studied him for a moment, then looked away. Well, he had to say, he was somewhat impressed, definitely - at least Greg really was taking this seriously, after all. Taking him seriously - for what was, quite possibly, the first time in his entire life. Now if only he could somehow convince him to let up juuuust enough to not have to go to the mental hospital.
Priyanka met them by the door, spinning her keys. She paused when she saw them, stepping back and pulling the door open for Greg to roll the wheelchair through. "Got everything?"
"Everything important," Greg replied, glancing down at Steven, and the hybrid rolled his eyes once again. He was silent as Greg pushed the wheelchair through the door, and Priyanka took up the lead after a moment to take them to her car, pressing a button to unlock it and opening one of the back doors. This time, Steven reluctantly accepted the help when Greg moved forward to help him up out of the wheelchair, since Jasper wasn't there to pick him up and move him around herself; he hissed a few times as his leg bumped against the bottom of the car, but it wasn't too hard to pull himself in once he had managed to get up and onto his feet. "Buckle," Greg told him sternly, and Steven made a face, but reached up to do as he was told anyway.
It wasn't long before they got the wheelchair folded and packed into the car, and Priyanka slid into the driver's seat while Greg eventually got in the passenger's seat up front, after Steven insisted he didn't need his father to sit with him because he was just injured, not an infant.
Steven looked out the window as they started driving, staring out for a moment, then furrowed his eyebrows and glanced ahead. "How long until we get there?"
Priyanka glanced at him through the mirror. "It's about an hour long drive, give or take."
Steven twisted his mouth slightly, thinking about that, then closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the headrest of the seat, letting his shoulders droop. Maybe not the ideal sleeping position, but he had definitely slept in worse positions regardless. "Perfect," he mumbled. "Just wake me up when we get there, then." It was time to give himself a little break, some relief from the outside world, take a moment to unwind, and… see what his pink twin had to say about this.
He was both curious and apprehensive - but, then, when was he ever not?