Chapter 22

'You're quiet tonight.' Rose murmured to me quietly.

We were curled up on one of the sofa's together watching TV with Emmett's mom while the boys cleaned up.

'Is it because of Edward?' She whispered, raising an eyebrow.

I shook my head at her, glancing over at Emmett's mom.

She'd fallen asleep in the armchair, propped up on one arm.

'No, it's…'

The boys walked into the room, laughing at something and I swallowed heavily as I met Paul's dark eyes.

…

When I'd walked in after work, the only people there already were Rose and Emmett, and they were busy cooking in the kitchen, so I got to meet Emmett's mom, Sophie, on my own.

She'd been sitting on an armchair, reading a book, and had smiled warmly at me when I'd opened the front door.

Emmett had told me to just walk through.

Truthfully I was kind of nervous to meet her. Parents generally didn't like me, well…more like they hated me actually, so I was a little concerned she'd be hostile, or at least cautious.

She was neither.

'You must be Bella!' She greeted me warmly, starting to get up out of the chair.

The movement was obviously harder than she'd expected, because she had to pause halfway up, her face paling slightly.

I dropped my bag and helped her sit back down, 'You don't have to get up.' I said with a smile. 'What are you reading?'

She grinned at me, her smile so like Emmett's it was uncanny.

'Dying for dummies.' She said seriously.

I widened my eyes in shock. 'Oh…um…'

She laughed, her brown eyes lighting up. 'I'm just kidding Bella. Although if there was such a book, it probably would read a mite easier than this…'

I looked at the cover and smirked. 'Sense and Sensibility.'

'It's meant to be a classic.' She sighed.

'Classically boring.' I said with a grin. 'Pride and Prejudice is much better, and even that can be a chore.'

She smiled at me. 'You like to read?'

I bit my lip. 'Sometimes.'

She hummed and gestured to the seat next to her. I sat down, feeling nervous again.

She coughed and a look of pain suddenly crossed her face, making me tense.

'Are you okay?' I asked tentatively, not sure if I was being rude.

'I'm fine.' She said with a shrug.

I shifted nervously and she grabbed my hand with a gentle smile.

'You don't need to be afraid, I'm not goin' to die right now sugar.'

She let go of me as another cough wracked through her and I frowned.

'Don't worry, I'm fine' She said croakily, 'Can you pass some water and those tablets please.'

I immediately grabbed them and gave them to her.

She turned her head from mine towards the kitchen where Emmett was laughing loudly at something.

Her face lit up in a way that made my chest hurt.

The door crashed open.

'Bella!' Emmett said with a grin. 'Mom, have you met Bella?'

Sophie rolled her eyes. 'No sugar, I was just sittin' here next to her waitin' for you to come and introduce us.'

She sat up in her seat and smiled at him, appearing to have energy all of a sudden.

'How you feeling mom?' He asked after he kissed me on the cheek, placing a hand on her head.

'Great!' She said with a wide smile, 'I'm lookin' forward to dinner. It smells delicious.'

Emmett grinned and started to say something, but there was a noise in the kitchen and he widened his eyes. 'Better go check that out, I'm supposed to be helping.' He stage whispered, backing into the kitchen again.

As soon as he left, Mrs. McCarty slumped back in her seat, her eyes flickering slightly and I grabbed her hand worriedly.

'Mrs McCarty?' I asked her, alarmed.

'I'm fine, I'm fine, please call me Sophie.' She said to me, her eyes opening slowly.

She shook her head and then sat up tall again, plastering a smile on her face.

I glanced at the door and then back to her. 'Why are you…is the treatment not working?'

Her face hardened slightly. 'Bit of a personal question considering we've just met isn't it?'

I bit my lip. 'I'm sorry I-'

Sophie sighed. 'No, I'm sorry, I don't mean to snap Bella, I'm just…tired. Of course the treatment is working.'

I debated on what to do for a moment before I grabbed her hand.

She looked at me in surprise.

'If you want to act better for him, then I get that, but you don't have to pretend with me, okay? Don't use up your energy. I won't say anything.'

Her eyes suddenly filled with tears and she sunk back into the sofa again.

'I'm so sorry Bella, I-

'Can I get you anything?' I said softly.

She smiled weakly. 'You're a sweet girl.'

I fought a laugh. 'I haven't been called that before.'

It was silent for a minute.

'It's not working.' She said, her eyes meeting mine sadly. 'They called me a few days ago. I have a couple of months, 6 if I'm lucky.'

'I'm so sorry.' I said, feeling choked up.

'I can't bear to tell him.' She looked up at the ceiling. 'He's so hopeful. I just want to give him a few weeks, just a few weeks where he can be happy and not worry about me.'

'Sophie.' Paul said behind us, his voice cracking slightly.

I whipped my head around with wide eyes.

'Paul…' I murmured.

He knelt in front of her. 'Why didn't you say anything. You know he just wants-'

Sophie stroked a hand through his hair, her eyes shimmering. 'I'm so sorry darlin', I wanted to give you these weeks too. I know how hard this is for you.'

For a second the look on Paul's face was so devastating, I almost burst into tears, but he blinked it away, giving Sophie a big smile.

'Don't worry about me.' He said, holding her hands tightly. 'I'm more than fine. You do whatever you need to do Sophie. I won't tell him anything. But if you need any help you just call me okay? I can come over anytime of day.'

'Me too.' I said, placing my hand on top of both of theirs.

Paul glanced up at me and for a second we just stared at each other. The pull of his deep brown eyes made my whole body jolt.

He looked away first, smiling at Sophie, but it didn't reach his eyes.

She sighed softly and then shook her head at Paul, cupping his cheek. 'No. I can't have you know, and not tell him. It's not right. I'll tell him. But please, let him have tonight. I'll tell him tomorrow. We can be sad tomorrow.'

'Okay.' Paul said, still smiling. 'I'll be right back okay, need to pee.'

He kissed her on the head and then walked out of the room.

I watched him go then glanced at Sophie.

She was studying me curiously, then smiled. 'Go after him then. I'll get back to my book.'

'Are you sure I can't…'

'Go Bella.' She waved her hand.

I ran out of the room and upstairs.

Paul was standing on the landing, his hands resting on a windowsill, his body bent over slightly.

'Paul.' I said softly.

He didn't say anything.

I stepped closer and rested my hand on his back.

His body was trembling and my heart sunk.

'Paul.' I repeated gently.

'Bella, don't.' He said shakily.

'I-'

He stood up abruptly, shaking me off and walked towards Emmett's bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

I stared at the door for a second.

Fuck. That.

I stepped forwards and opened it, shutting it behind me.

'Paul I-

'What?' He snapped, avoiding my gaze. 'Fucking what?'

I walked up until I was standing right in front of him and he looked up at the ceiling.

'Paul, just look at me, please.' I said softly.

He swallowed, his head tilting down slowly as his eyes met mine.

They were glistening and my heart broke in my chest.

I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.

He didn't respond to my hug for a moment, then slowly he dropped his head to my shoulder, his arms wrapping around my back.

I felt his body tremble and I held him tighter, kissing his neck.

'It's okay.' I murmured.

I felt hot tears splash against the bare skin at my shoulder and I started running my fingers through his hair.

'Shh.' I soothed.

He clutched me tightly. 'I'm so sorry baby.' I breathed. 'I'm so sorry.'

'I can't do this again.' Paul choked.

I pulled back, feeling my own eyes well up as I cupped his cheeks, staring into his tear-filled brown eyes. 'Yes, you can. You can. You are so strong.'

He stared at me for a second, tears still running down his cheeks, 'Bella, please.' He murmured, staring intently into my eyes. 'Please make it go away.'

I swallowed, and then his lips were on mine and I could taste salt and we were both kind of crying, but he was walking me backwards and then we were on a bed and his tongue was in my mouth.

My body arched up into his as he kissed me fiercely and my fingers went into his hair, my legs falling open as his body pressed between my thighs.

Oh god.

It had been so long since I'd touched him like this, and the desire that ran through my body at the feel of his skin against mine was electrifying, like it had been lying dormant under my skin until the very moment he touched me.

I angled my head to kiss him deeper, moaning into his mouth as he cradled my face with his large hands.

Somehow, I ended up on top of him, straddling his hips as he tangled his hand in my hair, kissing me even deeper, his tongue licking at mine, breathy moans falling from both of our mouths as our lower bodies rubbed against each other.

His cock was rock hard, thick and pressing right against my heated centre, a deep ache forming in the pit of my belly as I rocked my hips over his.

His hands gripped my ass and ground me on him tightly, his low groan swallowed by my mouth as I licked at his tongue, the taste of him making my eyes roll back in my head.

It had been so long since I'd been with him like this and every touch felt like it was burning through my skin and searing me. I wanted more, I wanted him.

I felt like I was drowning, and he was the only thing holding me afloat.

'Paul.' I moaned into his mouth.

I sucked his lower lip and he groaned deeply, the sound causing a deep ache in the pit of my stomach.

He sat up, his hot hands sliding up the bare skin under my shirt, which he then grabbed, breaking the kiss to lift it over my head, his mouth dropping to my chest and placing wet, open-mouthed kisses that made me tremble and pant his name.

He looked at me with dark, hooded eyes and I shivered as he undid my bra with one hand and threw it aside. I whimpered at the low groan that fell from his lips as he stared down at my bare chest. My eyes rolled back in my head as his large hands cupped my breasts, my hard nipples pressing into his warm palms. I arched into his touch and his mouth met mine, hot and wet, insistent.

His thumbs circled my nipples and I rocked myself over his hard cock, desperate to relieve the ache between my legs.

He murmured my name again and again, like it was a prayer and I cried out as his mouth moved down my neck, capturing my nipple and sucking it, his tongue rough and wet against my pebbled peak.

Each suck sent a tug of pleasure shooting through my body and straight to my core, my arousal building between my legs.

I couldn't stop touching him, my hands under his shirt and feeling his hot skin, shivering at the feel of his muscles tensing under my fingertips.

His mouth met mine again, slow and deep, and as he pulled back my heart skipped a beat in my chest at the sight of his warm brown eyes.

I tugged off his t-shirt, kissing across his chest, my head tilting back in pleasure as he slid his palm down my stomach, his fingertips slipping underneath the material of my jeans.

I reached down to undo the button and zip as Paul placed hot kisses along my jaw, his other hand cupping the back of my head as his thumb stroked my cheekbone.

I moved my hand as soon as my jeans were open and we both cried out as he travelled downwards, his eyes rolling back into his head as his fingers met my slick centre.

He groaned low in his throat and he pushed aside my underwear gently, his fingers teasing my entrance.

I moaned his name and he pulled back, sucking on my neck and then licking down my chest and across my nipples. He gently bit down on one as his fingers pushed inside of me and I lost it, throwing my head back and crying out his name as he filled me with deep, teasing strokes.

I grabbed his hair and pulled his mouth to mine, needing to taste him, kiss him.

His lips moved fiercely against mine and I rocked myself against his hand, pleasure building in the pit of my stomach.

'Fuck I need you.' He groaned into my mouth.

'Pa-ul, please.' I whimpered.

He pulled back, breathing heavily as he moved his hand from between my legs and brought it to his mouth, moaning as he sucked on his fingers.

So, fucking hot.

I clashed my mouth to his in a frenzy, sucking his tongue into my mouth and shivering at the guttural groan that left his throat, his chest vibrating as it met mine, his hand tangling in my hair.

He was so fucking hard between my legs and I wanted him inside of me, needed him.

'Fuck.' He panted as we both pulled back for air. The hungry look in his eyes made me whimper his name and then his mouth was on mine again, one of his hands sliding behind my back as he got to his knees, lifting me up and then pulling me into his body as he lay down on top of me. My eyes rolled back in my head as I wrapped my legs around his waist, my hands sliding down his back as his mouth devoured mine.

'Holy shit!'

I pulled back from Paul in alarm and turned my head sideways, my heart sinking in my chest.

Emmett was standing in the door wide eyed, shaking his head.

He closed the door and walked off.

'Fuck!' I gasped, jumping off the bed and looking for my bra.

I was still breathing heavily, my heart racing in my chest and my skin tingling from the feel of him.

Paul looked just as shell shocked as me and threw my shirt at me.

'We need to talk about this.' I said to him as I quickly did up my bra.

'I know.' He said, pulling his shirt on and walking towards the door. 'I need to find Emmett.'

He glanced back at me for a second, then shut it behind him.

I sat on the bed with my head in my hands.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

…

'…Bella?'

'What?' I said, glancing up at Jasper.

He rolled his eyes at me and put a hand on his chest. 'Does she do this to anyone else or is it just me that she ignores.'

'It's not just you.' Rose said with a smirk.

'Sorry.' I said sheepishly. 'What was the question.'

'Would you rather watch Predator or Meet the Fockers.'

'Predator, obviously. Meet the Fockers is a classic but hello, Arnold?'

'Yes! See, that's my girl.' Jasper grinned, his blue eyes sparkling.

A flash of guilt went through me and I forced myself not to react.

We still weren't exclusive.

I didn't really have anything to be guilty about.

Except it's his best friend, a voice in my head said snarkily.

And let's face it. To Jasper…we were exclusive.

I met Paul's dark gaze and swallowed.

On the surface dinner had been really nice, all of us hanging out and chatting together. Underneath though… Emmett kept staring at me and Paul with a confused look on his face, I was avoiding Paul's gaze like the plague, Sophie was making a dramatic effort to look and appear fine even though she wasn't.

Emmett and Rosalie, though I think we all agreed more Rosalie, had made Coq au vin, which was a delicious red wine and chicken dish with mushrooms and onions. She'd also made a really creamy mashed potato and there was sliced bread and butter too.

I felt awful about what Rose and Emmett would find out tomorrow, like it was wrong that Paul and I knew first. I knew it was Sophie's wish to wait till tomorrow to tell them, it just felt like we were lying to them.

And I felt weird knowing. I didn't even know Sophie, not really. And even though I was really close with Emmett and Rose, we hadn't actually known each other that long. I was interwoven in something deeply personal about someone they loved and it made me feel, odd, like I was charading or something.

And it's not like I was a fucking apostle of truth or anything. I lied all the time. It's just, this felt like a pretence. The whole dinner was just, secrets.

And mostly that was my fault. I had pushed Sophie to tell me, which led to Paul overhearing her, which led to him being upset, which led to him and I almost having sex on Emmett's bed.

God I'm a bad person. I'm definitely going to hell.

I was stirred out of my thoughts again as Jasper slipped behind me on the sofa, his legs resting either side of mine as he pulled me back to his chest.

'Everything okay darlin'? You've been kind of quiet.' He murmured in my ear, placing a sweet kiss on my shoulder. I shivered at the feel of his body behind mine and felt him smile against my skin.

'I'm okay.' I said softly, tangling my fingers with his.

'I'm going to head to bed, you guys enjoy the movie.' Sophie said with a grin, getting out of her chair.

I eyed her worriedly.

'Hey, I'll come up with you and maybe you can you show me that book you were talking about?' I said casually.

Sophie's eyes flashed at me but then she nodded. 'Sure Bella. I know you'll love it.'

I got to my feet and Jasper pouted at me, looking down at the space between his legs. I winked at him and he smirked at me lazily, his crystal blue eyes burning into mine. I felt my heart skip a beat.

I smiled at him, walking over to Sophie.

'After you.' I said jokingly to her as I gestured to the stairs.

I glanced back at the others but they weren't paying any attention to us.

Except for Paul.

Our eyes met and the look he gave me made my knees feel a little weak, my breath catching in my throat.

For Christ's sake. Between the pair of them I was going to have a heart attack.

'I'm okay you know, you didn't have to come up with me.' Sophie said as she stepped into her bedroom.

I shrugged and she smiled, shaking her head.

'Is Paul okay?' Her eyes grew concerned.

I coughed. 'Um. He's…' I sighed. 'No, not really. But he'll be okay.'

She sat herself on the bed and slumped back on the pillow with a heavy sigh.

'Can I get you anything at all?' I asked, wringing my hands together.

'I'm fine Bella, I promise.' She said weakly.

'Water? Medicine? A snack?'

She rolled her eyes at me in a very Emmett-like way. 'Some water would be great, you can fill it up from the tap in the bathroom. There's a pack of pills in there too, could you grab me one of the blue ones.'

I did as she asked and then went downstairs.

'Where's the book? Rose asked me, cocking her head.

Perceptive motherfucking Rose.

'I decided to just buy my own copy.' I lied effortlessly, climbing in between Jasper's legs and humming as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

Being in his arms felt so good.

But… so did being in Paul's.

Things had been confusing between us for a while, but I wasn't confused anymore.

What I'd felt with him upstairs…now I knew without a doubt that I had feelings for him.

I was so unbelievably fucked.

X

I've watched TV series where the main character has feelings for two people at once.

Take the Vampire Diaries.

Now that's a love triangle.

Two brothers.

But…Elena had it easy.

Stefan was vanilla for her. It wasn't that he wasn't hot or sweet, it just wasn't passion or fire. Their relationship was mostly effortless (you know aside from him turning evil et cetera, et cetera, which was such an Angel rip off from Buffy, but I digress)

Truthfully, I was always rooting for Damon. And not just because Ian Somerholder is sexy as fuck.

Because it was so fiery between them.

The passion was tangible.

The problem for me was, when I thought about Paul and Jasper…even though they were so different from each other, it was fiery with both of them.

I had passion with them both, amazing sex, chemistry, I could talk to them…

And, regrettably, and to my immense despair, apparently, I was falling for them both.

Obviously, my heart was in my vagina, it's the only acceptable and logical explanation for how the fuck I hadn't realised that I felt that way about Paul.

Because I did.

I really, really fucking did.

And now I was just…fucked.

It had been easy before, when it was just lust. I wanted them both but I wanted Jasper more.

Now that feelings were involved everything felt different.

When Paul and I had been together yesterday…that was…fuck.

It was different to how it was with Jasper.

They were different.

With Jasper, both of our desire was out of control. He'd look at me with those crystal blue eyes, or touch me, and I'd be wet and ready, desperate for him to fuck me. I'd never felt such a deep attraction to someone before. We were insatiable with each other, his hands on my body were like accelerant. And we had a connection too, it wasn't just sex, it was deeper. We cared about each other. Sex wasn't about racing to finish it was about connecting and being close, which had been fucking weird at first, but now it felt like it was the only way to have sex. He made me feel good, happy. I loved being with him, even if it was just watching a movie together or sleeping. We rarely argued and things were easy between us, he was so laid back. Being with him was as easy as breathing. But he wanted things from me that I wasn't sure I could ever give him, and he was such a different person, with family that actually gave a shit about him and big dreams that would leave me far behind.

With Paul…it was just…I mean yeah I wanted him, we had amazing chemistry and yesterday when we'd been together I felt like my whole body was burning under his hands but it wasn't even just a sexual thing, it just felt so fucking right. I craved his touch, his hands on me, I wanted to be as close to him as fucking possible. He was always there for me, more than anyone else in my life, even Jasper. And we had this…energy. Like we understood each other in ways nobody else could ever breach. Emotions always ran so high with Paul, he made me feel so many things at once, like I was drowning in them, and his touch was the only thing holding me steady. It was turbulent and chaotic with us, and also painful. I felt like I needed him desperately, too much maybe. He was my best friend…I didn't know what I would do without him. But I felt like Paul was always slipping through my fingers, like I could never truly catch him and keep him still.

The way I felt about them…I liked them both and even worse was the fact that I knew if I let myself it could be more.

Love.

That was a terrifying fucking concept.

Everyone I'd ever loved had betrayed me in some way or another.

Paul and Jasper probably wouldn't be any different.

Unless…they were.

Ugh. I was in so way, way over my head…what did I fucking want?

Jasper liked me too, I knew that, but Paul….I had no way of knowing if he felt anything towards me.

And what did my feelings even mean?

Did I want a relationship? Did I want a boyfriend?

I considered what it would be like having Jasper as my boyfriend, calling him mine. Meeting his parents…I grimaced.

Maybe not that part. But other than that, how different would that be from how things were now?

It made sense to be with Jasper. We kind of already were. Since Peter I hadn't slept with anyone else and he hadn't slept with anyone else either, I assumed he'd have told me if he did, not that he even had time for that with swimming anyway.

And it would be easy, committing to Jasper, because except for Paul, I didn't want anyone else. We'd have great sex and great conversations and I didn't think Jasper would hurt me. Maybe that was naïve of me, but I just…didn't think he could. We'd be perfect together, we had so much in common and he was funny and sweet and sensitive and thoughtful.

And Paul…

Paul made me feel all twisted up inside. He'd hate the idea of being someone's boyfriend. He'd never want it, and the title wouldn't work with him anyway. He was less and more than a boyfriend, he was just…Paul. I didn't even know if he could do a relationship, I didn't even know if I could. But if we did…to know he was mine, to not have anyone else touch him, to only be with him…I could do that. Having Paul to myself, being able to kiss him and touch him. I trusted him more than anyone else in the world. It wouldn't be simple it would be all consuming, fiery, and we'd probably fight and scream at each other sometimes. But he looks fucking sexy when he's pissed off, and all the fighting would just mean we'd probably have a lot of hot angry sex.

I sighed.

Fuck.

What was wrong with me?

I wanted them both, but that was wrong.

I couldn't have them both.

And if I wanted Paul…it would ruin their friendship.

I was so fucked.

My feelings for them were different, but equally strong.

I needed to know if Paul felt the same as me. If he didn't…

There was a wrenching sensation in my chest.

It would be simpler but it would really fucking hurt.

I needed to talk to Paul, and I needed to tell Jasper that I'd kissed Paul. Emmett said he wouldn't say anything but it wasn't right that Jasper didn't know, and maybe when he found out it would be the last straw for him.

Ugh it was so complicated and I just wasn't ready for either of those conversations right now. I didn't know what I was going to fucking say.

So I was avoiding them.

When Paul, Jasper and I got back from Emmett's, I'd feigned exhaustion and gone straight to bed, which Jasper had actually been grateful for, his eyes barely open anyway after competing.

In the morning I'd woken up at 6 and gone for a run before either of them woke up, then driven myself to the nature reserve to smoke for a bit before school, texting them to say I had something to handle and I'd meet them there.

At school I'd managed to successfully avoid both of them for the most part. Jasper was in meetings with his coach most of the day anyway and I ran to the smoking area at all available chances.

Now I was sitting on a swing in the reserve, waiting for Edward, because that conversation, even though it was fucking terrifying at least had a more simple outcome.

He'd either say he didn't believe me and that would be the end of that, or he'd say he did, and then we would…talk.

I kicked my feet back and the swing made a rusty noise. To my immense surprise it moved quite well and I swung back and forth gently as I stared out at the water.

The longer I sat here the more nervous I started to feel.

On second thought maybe this conversation was-

'Hi.'

I glanced up sharply.

Edward was staring down at me with his hands in his pockets.

He was in a pair of black joggers and a grey top, his bronze hair in its usual disarray, eyes obscured by black shades.

'Hi.' I echoed.

He pulled the sunglasses off and threw them on the floor by us with his keys and a pack of cigarettes, and then carefully sat in the swing next to me.

We were both silent.

I couldn't bring myself to look at him so I kept my eyes forwards, feeling tension building across my chest.

'I-' Edward started to say at the same time I did.

We trailed off awkwardly.

I pushed myself forwards and backwards again, the clanking of the seat with the chain sounding far too loud.

Edward sighed exasperatedly.

'For fucks sake Bella would you just look at me. I'm not going to fucking bite you.'

I carefully turned my head towards him, feeling a jolt go through me as I stared into his vibrant green eyes.

I swallowed. 'I don't know what to say.'

Edward snorted. 'That's unlike you.'

I frowned and he grimaced. 'Why is this so fucking awkward.'

'Probably because the last time we spoke you said-'

'I know what I said.' He snapped, his body tensing for a moment before he breathed out slowly.

I stared down at his arm.

'How did you break your arm.'

Edward gave me an exasperated look.

I shrugged.

He sighed at me. 'It's just a sprain…and I picked a fight and didn't fight back.'

'Why?' I asked curiously.

He ran a hand through his hair, his eyes flashing. 'Because I was fucking pissed off at you, and pissed at myself for giving a fuck.' He exhaled sharply. 'I wanted to hate you.'

'Do you?' I asked weakly.

Edward held my gaze then sighed as he turned to stare out the water. 'I could never hate you Bella.'

'Ed, I didn't-'

He swallowed, 'I don't understand how. How could you not know?'

'When I left, that day. That's the last time I spoke to… Charlie.' I choked out his name. 'She told me it would be better to start fresh, with a new phone. I tried to call you.' I looked down at my lap, 'When I first found out. But you didn't answer, and I thought…you said you were done and that you didn't want to be my friend anymore, I didn't want to pester you. So I….I said yes when she said about the new number and I didn't want any reminder of Forks, I didn't want to know anything about them, or hear about you and how you'd probably forgotten all about me.' My eyes burned. 'I asked her to give your mo…to get my number to you, and she said she did. I guess I just assumed you didn't want to talk to me.'

'But she fucking knew Bella. She knew…'

I turned to him, hot spikes burning in my eyes. 'But I didn't. She didn't tell me, okay? I didn't fucking know, and I'm so so fucking sorry.'

He looked slightly taken aback but frowned at me. 'What did she say when you told her you knew.'

I laughed humourlessly. 'I haven't been back since Edward. I doubt she'd even know what I was talking about anyway, she's fucking wasted all the time.'

He was silent for a minute then he shook his head. 'What a fucking bitch.'

I choked a laugh.

'You really didn't know?' He asked gruffly.

I stared into his vibrant eyes, 'I really, really didn't Edward. I swear.'

There was a lengthy pause and I felt like my heart was in my throat.

'Okay.' He said carefully.

'I'm so sorry.' I said, fighting against the tears that started pooling in my eyes.

'Can I…can I…' I gestured with my arms, not sure how to ask him for a hug.

He swallowed and then nodded.

I stepped up at the same time as he did and then I wrapped my arms around him tightly, bursting into tears.

'I'm so fucking sorry.' I sobbed into his chest.

His hands tentatively wrapped around my body and then with a small sigh, he buried his face into my neck, gripping me tightly.

We stood there for a few minutes, the world around me falling away as I held onto him.

It felt so good to be in his arms, like I was 15 again and everything was okay in both of our lives.

I pulled back, still crying. 'I'm sorry for crying, you should be the one crying. No, that's not what I meant, I mean I just…I don't deserve to…'

'Shut up.' Edward said, shaking his head. 'You can cry. I know you loved her.'

'I should've called.' I cried. 'I just thought she wouldn't want to talk to me either, after things happened with you, I didn't…I should have tried to call.'

Edward's eyes burned. 'Listen Sparrow, if she'd…I know she'd have dragged me to wherever you were or probably threatened your mom to find out so we could make up and be friends again. She'd never have let you go without keeping in touch.'

'Edward, I should have been there.' I cried, my heart breaking in my chest. 'I should've been with you.'

His face darkened and he stepped back from me. 'Well you weren't Bella. I know it wasn't your fault, but you fucking weren't there.'

'What happened Ed, how did…were you hurt too?'

His eyes flashed with agony and he sat down on the swing. 'I'm not fucking talking about it.'

'Okay.' I said, wiping my tears and sitting on my swing too. 'I'm sorry.'

'Stop apologising. Please.' He snapped, running a hand through his hair.

He looked tortured and I felt my stomach sink.

I needed to change the subject.

'Alice seems nice.' I said hurriedly.

'Mmhmm.'

'She's your…sister?'

Edward opened his eyes to look at me, his body losing some of the tension it was holding. 'Foster sister.' He reached down for a cigarette and held the pack to me. 'She's actually the one who convinced me you were probably telling the truth.'

I took one gratefully and caught the lighter he threw at me after he lit his.

'How…where did you…'

He exhaled smoke and then raised an eyebrow at me. 'Don't be afraid to ask me shit Bella. If I don't want to answer I just fucking won't.'

'I got it.' I said quickly 'Did you go to Texas straight away? Has Alice been your foster sister this whole time?'

Edward shook his head sharply. 'No, this is my 6th place, and the last one. I'm 18 next week so…'

I knew that.

'What so they kick you out?'

Edward shook his head at me but didn't say anything else.

Won't fucking answer indeed.

'What's it like?'

Edward smirked at me. 'Foster care? Oh it's great Bella, you'd love it.'

I shifted uneasily and he sighed. 'I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be a dick. Just…what do you fucking think?'

I glanced down at his arm and then looked up at him with alarm. 'Is it…safe?'

He threw his cigarette on the floor and stamped it out.

'Safer than the street. Can't complain when there's a roof over your head.'

'Do they hurt you?' I asked worriedly, remembering the sight of Alice's arm.

Edward stiffened but then shrugged. 'It's not bad, most of the time. Just when he's drunk.'

He turned to look at me sharply all of a sudden, his green eyes intense. 'When she's drinking she doesn't hurt you does she?'

I grimaced. 'Not on purpose.'

His eyes suddenly dropped to my arm and his face hardened. 'Was that her?'

I followed his gaze and then sighed. 'It was an accident. I was fine.'

He shook his head and then tightened his hands on the swing.

'Do you fight back?' I asked, swallowing heavily.

'If I have to.' Edward said darkly. 'If he touches Alice…But I've been crashing at people's houses whenever he's been drinking and she stays at friends houses.'

'People?' I asked, cocking my head.

He shrugged, the corner of his mouth turning up. 'Just go to a bar, find someone, let them take me home.'

My chest ached for him and I sighed softly.

'The other homes, were they like this too?'

Edward grimaces. 'The first two were good, they just didn't have space. Then it got…well. This is better.'

'I'm sorry.' I murmured.

'Don't be.' Edward shrugged. 'It is what it is. I have Alice. I'm saving up to get us an apartment, she wants to go to the local college. I left school so I could work, earn more. This is what I want to do anyway. Cars are simple. Logical.'

He could have done anything. Gone to any college. He was so smart.

But I wasn't going to judge him for making the best of a shit situation.

'That's why I like them too.' I said softly.

'I know.' Edward glanced up at me.

For a second we held eye contact and then I smiled at him.

He smiled back, and for just a second, he was my Edward again.

Then he looked away and it was gone.

We were silent for a while.

'I'm sorry I didn't recognise you.' I said carefully.

Edward scoffed. 'Yeah what the fuck?'

I turned to him nervously but he didn't look angry.

He rolled his eyes at me. 'I'm over it. I was over it when we met last time. You just pissed me off all over again when you said…'

'I know.' I said meekly.

He studied me curiously. 'How come you didn't recognise me. I don't look that different do I?'

I shrugged. 'Well you're bigger, for one.'

Edward tilted his head slightly, his emerald eyes glinting. 'In a lot of ways Sparrow.'

My eyes automatically dropped to his crotch and the corner of his mouth curved up at one side, a crooked smile adorning his face.

I smirked at him, 'Well lucky you. But not what I was referring to exactly. I don't know Ed, it's not just your body and the fact you actually have a jawline and stubble.' I automatically went to touch his face but instead of pushing me away, he moved into my touch and I ran my hand over the slightly rough skin across his jaw.

My breathing hitched as my thumb brushed his bottom lip and Edward tilted his head towards me with a lazy smirk, the black of his eyelashes startling against the emerald of his eyes.

I sighed softly and his smirk grew, his tongue gently flicking out over his bottom lip.

I swallowed heavily as I watched the movement and Edward laughed.

'See that right there.' I said softly, moving my hand from his face. 'That's different.'

He was so confident, arrogant.

Edward shrugged, taking out another cigarette, 'That you're attracted to me?'

I scoffed and Edward raised his eyebrow. 'What? You're not attracted to me? Please. The second you saw me at the garage you wanted me.' He put the cigarette between his lips and winked at me.

I met his gaze, raising my eyebrow back. 'You're pretty cocky these days.'

'Oh, you have no idea baby.' Edward smirked.

I rolled my eyes and took the cigarette from his mouth, and put it in mine, lighting it.

He gave me an amused look.

'Case and point. You're different.' I said, taking a drag. 'You have such a different personality it's kind of…hard to even compare you to how you used to be. And I guess I wasn't expecting you to be here? I don't know Ed. Now that I know it's you I don't really understand how I didn't recognise you before. I don't really have an excuse.'

'You're different too.' Edward said pointedly, taking the cigarette from me as I held it out to him. 'You're tougher. Harder. I mean you're also a lot more assertive but maybe that's just cos' you weren't trying to get in my pants before.'

I frowned at him. 'Hey, I might be more confident about getting what I want these days,' I said softly, 'But I was attracted to you before Edward. I liked you too. I was just too scared to tell you.'

Edward stared at me wide eyed. 'What? Why did you-'

I sighed, 'Because you were so good and I was such a mess. How was I supposed to tell you that I got drunk with here every week, that I'd taken a tab, that I'd had sex, more than once.'

Edward shook his head. 'But I knew that.'

'How?' I asked him incredulously.

'Bella it was obvious.' He said frustratedly. 'I knew what you were doing. I didn't care. What pissed me off was when you did things because she wanted you to, not because you wanted to.' His face went dark. 'So that fight, where you told me you didn't want me, the fight right before both of our lives fucked up, you were fucking lying?'

I felt my eyes fill with tears. 'I was scared.'

'Fuck Bella.' Edward said exasperatedly.

We fell into silence again.

'If I had been honest…do you think things would have turned out differently?' I said quietly.

'No.' Edward said, his bright green eyes meeting mine. 'But I'd have had you, even if it was just for a minute.'

I started to say 'sorry' but he clamped his hand over my mouth with a smirk. 'Stop fucking apologising.'

I relaxed and he gently removed his hand, his eyes searching mine.

'Do you want to be friends?' I asked him, looking down at my lap.

Edward snorted. 'What are we 5 again?'

I turned to glare at him but he was smiling.

'Yeah Sparrow.' He said softly. 'We can be friends…'

He kicked his feet.

'I'm not trying to get into your pants, by the way.' I said matter of factly.

He smirked, his green eyes playful, 'Hmm, maybe not now, but you were at first.'

I stared into his eyes and then shrugged. 'Fine. I…considered it. Before you acted like a jerk.' I stated. 'Even if it was deserved.' I added hurriedly.

His smirk widened and I rolled my eyes. 'Anyway, it's not like you weren't interested.' I pointed out.

He shrugged. 'If you weren't you, I would've gone for it yeah.' He smirked 'I mean you were pretty much throwing yourself at me so why not.'

I scoffed angrily. 'I was not throwing myself at you.' Much. 'And it's not like you weren't trying too, you came onto me.'

Edward threw back his head and laughed and I glared at him.

'What?'

He held up his hands. 'I didn't really come onto you, trust me.'

'Yes you did.' I said firmly.

He shook his head with a smirk.

I huffed in anger. 'Don't act like you would've only wanted me because I was easy. Which I am definitely not by the way.'

Except when boys look like you.

'You wanted me back I could tell. I know you're attracted to me.'

Edward rolled his eyes. 'Of course I'm attracted to you. I've always been attracted to you Sparrow, even when you had those buck teeth and you used to watch transformers literally every day.'

I frowned at him. 'Really?'

Edward smirked at me. 'Mmhm. Well I guess it's slightly different, I didn't think about fucking you on my bike when we were 13.'

My mouth dropped open slightly, a jolt of lust snapping down my spine at the image his words put into my head.

His smirk grew, his voice taking a low seductive tone, 'You like that idea Sparrow?'

'Edward.' I said, my voice more breathy than I intended. 'What are you doing?'

Edward gazed intently into my eyes as his hand fingertips ran down my back lightly, making my mouth part. His fingers skimmed across my side and along the side of my ass before his palm rested gently on my upper thigh, sending goosebumps in his wake. My breathing hitched.

All the sexual tension that had been building between us since we started working together flooded through me.

This was Edward. I couldn't feel like this about him.

'I think you thought about it too, when you were on the bike with me. Did you?' He murmured in a low tone that made my lower stomach clench, 'Did you want to slide your hands down my body and touch my cock, see if I was hard for you? It made you wet didn't it, feeling the power of the bike vibrating between your legs, your body pressed against mine.'

Fuck. Me.

His hand was so hot it felt like it was burning through my jeans.

I found myself nodding and his hand slid up my thigh slightly, the green of his eyes darkening to a bottomless verdant.

My lower stomach flipped, heat rising through my body.

Edward smirked, biting his lip.

I looked down at his mouth with a gulp, wondering what he'd taste like, what his lips would feel like on mine.

He leant in towards my mouth and then diverted his lips last second, to my ear.

'See.' He murmured huskily. 'If I was coming on to you, you would have ended up cumming all over me.'

Holy fuck.

My heart was pounding in my chest and I shivered as he pulled back with a smirk.

'Edward.' I chastised, biting my lip.

He widened his eyes innocently. 'What?'

'I thought we said we'd be friends.'

'Am I not being friendly?' He smirked, tilting his head at me.

'Ed just stop.' I said, biting my lip.

His smile widened. 'Stop what?'

I stared at him pointedly.

Edward tilted his head at me, looking at me through thick black lashes. 'I'm just playing.'

'I don't want to play.' I said, frowning a little.

Green eyes burned into mine as he ran his thumb across my cheek and then my lower lip.

'Yes, you do.' He murmured huskily.

I stood up hastily and Edward stared up at me, smirking.

My pulse was thundering in my ears.

'Okay whatever you made your point.'

He shrugged laughing softly. 'I know.'

'You're kind of an asshole.' I breathed out irritatedly.

He gave me a crooked smile, making my heart skip a beat in my chest. 'Don't be grumpy Sparrow.'

'Well it's not like I used my best moves on you.' I snapped.

He raised his eyebrows with a smirk, 'Do you want to try out your moves on me Sparrow?' He licked his bottom lip and I forced my eyes away from his seductive verdant gaze.

I swallowed heavily. 'No.'

He laughed huskily. 'Why not?'

I sighed. 'Because it's a bad idea.'

As much as my body wanted him, the fact it was Edward was way too confusing for me.

Plus, I was all messed up inside over Paul and Jasper.

He grinned. 'You think I won't be able to resist? Well now you really do have to show me.'

'Would you resist?' I asked him seriously, raising an eyebrow.

He shrugged, his green eyes glinting as his they slid down my body, lingering on my tits in a way that made my nipples harden in my T-shirt. 'No promises.'

'Edward.' I said frustratedly. 'Why are you being like this?'

He met my gaze and then stood up, stepping towards me so I had to look up to keep eye contact.

He was so close I could feel the heat from his body, like he was pressed against me.

'Because I want to fuck you.' He said in a low seductive tone, his green eyes burning into mine.

A jolt of desire snapped down my spine. I was breathing heavily from his proximity, my heart racing in my chest, then all of a sudden it hit me that this was Edward.

The same guy who was innocent and never used to swear, who was one of the sweetest and most caring people I'd ever known.

And now he was a completely different person.

My eyes filled with tears and his eyes widened, alarm crossing his features.

'Shit Bella, I'm sorry I didn't mean to…'

I shook my head, tears running down my cheeks. 'I'm sorry, it's just you're so different.' I cried, 'It-it's hard to process. I want us to be friends again, you're the only thing I have left from before. I don't have anything else, you're the closest thing I have to family and I've missed you so much.'

He pulled me into his arms tightly and I sobbed into his chest.

'I'm sorry Sparrow, okay.' He murmured into my hair. 'I didn't mean it. Well no, I did but I just…that's not what…fuck. I'm sorry, okay? I just don't know how to be around you. You confuse me, my head is so fucked up being near you again. You're my Bella and you're not, I don't know how to act with you. You bring back all these feelings and memories that I just…shit. I'm sorry.'

I clutched at him tightly. 'It's okay.'

'No. It's not…I just. It's hard Bella. I want you the way I've always wanted you and there's just so much…there. Normally if I'm attracted to someone I just fu…and it's not like that with you and it shouldn't be like that anyway, but I j…ah fuck I'm probably saying this all wrong I'm-

'No…I get it.' I said softly.

'I want you in my life again.' He said, tilting my head up with his hands and pressing his forehead to mine. 'But I'm not the same person Sparrow. Who I was before…he's gone. I might have the same memories but I'm not him. I'm an asshole a lot of the time and I'm probably going to say shit that pisses you off and I'm-'

'We just need to get to know each other again.' I interrupted with a sigh. 'We're both so different. We need to start fresh.'

I pulled back and he wiped my tears with his thumbs. 'Starting fresh sounds good.' He swallowed, searching my eyes. 'And I'll be good now I promise.'

'Me too.' I said firmly.

He gave me a crooked smile and I felt my lips part automatically.

God he was…really fucking attractive. More than that those green eyes were the same ones I'd grown up looking into, he was the first person I'd ever liked, the first person I'd wanted to kiss me, even if I never got the chance.

I bit my lip.

His gaze dropped to my mouth for a moment and then his eyes met mine, the deep green of them making my breath catch.

He smirked at me. 'Don't look at me like that, it makes it very hard not to kiss you.'

'Well don't put me in that position.' I said, shoving him away and crossing my arms.

His smirk grew and my eyes dropped to his perfect mouth. 'Is there a position you'd prefer.'

I forced my gaze upwards, an angry retort on my lips but his eyes were light and playful, not dark and sensual like before so I just smacked him playfully instead.

He laughed.

We sat back down on the swings.

'I really am sorry.' He said, running a hand through his hair.

'It's okay.' I replied, kicking my feet. 'It's not like I don't…want you.'

Edward smirked. 'I know.'

I rolled my eyes at him. 'But it would be a really bad idea. Friends shouldn't cross that line, it complicates things.'

He nodded, his voice softer. 'I know.'

'Plus, I'm kind of…emotionally involved.' I said, struggling to think of how to describe my feelings for Paul and Jasper.

Edward raised his eyebrows. 'With that blonde guy you were kissing or the one who manhandled me, Paul was it?'

I was slightly taken aback that he remembered his name.

'Honestly, both.'

Edward stared at me for a moment and then laughed. 'Shit. Like…the three of you…at the same time…' He raised an eyebrow smirking.

'No!' I said, laughing. I hesitated, 'I was with Paul first. Now Jasper, but then yesterday Paul and I…it's…complicated.'

I glanced to Edward nervous he'd be judging me but he just looked amused.

'Well good luck with that shitstorm. This is exactly why I never fuck someone more than once.'

I turned to face him fully, with a glare. 'That's helpful advice Edward thanks.'

He shrugged, his green eyes playful.

'I have so many questions.' I asked, swinging higher.

Edward hummed. 'You ask me, I ask you. But like I said before if I don't want to answer I –

'Fucking won't.' I finished with a smirk. 'Same here.'

Edward smiled at me crookedly and I sighed.

'When did you first have sex?' I asked him curiously.

He laughed loudly. 'Of course that's what you ask first.' He glanced at me under his eyelashes. 'Home number two, when I had my growth spurt and started running. Girl called Kira. She was a few years older. I was kind of mystified she wanted to fuck me but after her they kind of just started throwing themselves at me, so...' He smirked. 'I got used to it.'

I rolled my eyes.

'Same question.' He said interestedly.

I swallowed. 'It was just after my 15th birthday. Went to this guys apartment with Ta…and yeah.'

Edward frowned. 'Apartment? How old was he?'

I looked away. '24 I think. It was…fine. He had nice eyes.'

'Fuck.' Edward growled.

I turned to look at him and he looked furious. 'That fucking girl Bella. That guy was an asshole too. How could he even want someone that young.'

'I looked older.'

He glared at me. 'No, you didn't. I remember what you looked like. It doesn't matter how much makeup you were wearing or your outfit. 15 year olds don't look like adults Bella.'

I bristled. 'It was fine.'

'I wish…' he sighed. 'I wish you'd never met her.'

'So do I.' I said quietly.

'Fuck. I'm sorry. I know you do.' Edward said remorsefully.

I cleared my throat. 'Have you ever had a girlfriend?'

He shook his head. 'Nope. Not planning on it either. I've only ever liked one girl.'

I bit my lip as I met his green eyes, 'Me?'

He smirked. 'You wish Sparrow.'

I shoved him and he grinned, swinging higher.

'Same question.' He said, glancing at me curiously.

'No. Never.' I swallowed. 'Jasper's the first person I've even dated.'

'Do you still like Harry Potter?' I asked quietly, wondering if any part of him was still my Edward.

He glanced up at me with a smirk.

'Always.'

I laughed. 'I see what you did there.'

He gave me a crooked smile. 'How about you? Have you finally found a decent favourite movie or is it still that pile of shit T-'

'Don't even start.' I snapped.

He burst out laughing. 'Even the newest one Bella? Come on it's not even remotely good.'

I lifted my chin up. 'I disagree. Besides, you obviously watched it…'

His eyes met mine suddenly, intense and green and just Edward.

'It reminded me of you.'

I practically flung myself off the swing and into his arms and he winced as he moved his arm out the way.

'Fuck Bella.' He growled softly, softening the blow of his words by kissing my head and wrapping his good arm around me.

'Hey, what was that convo with Carlisle about?' I asked him, sitting on his lap as he swung us forwards and backwards gently.

Edward sighed. 'He noticed I was hurt and he's been looking out for me ever since. Alice and I stayed there one night, I was working and she turned up and he'd…anyway Carlisle took us home with him, his wife is a nurse.'

I tangled my fingers with his and he sighed softly.

'How come you're going by Mason?'

He swallowed, his eyes flashing with pain.

'It was my mom's maiden name, Mason is my last name now so.'

'Oh.' I said softly. 'Ed I'm so-'

He nudged me off his lap and I went to sit back on my swing, looking down.

We were quiet for a while.

I wanted to cheer him up but I didn't really know how anymore.

'Want to see who can get higher?' I asked playfully, glancing up at him from under my eyelashes.

'You're such a child.' He chastised, then he grinned and kicked up really hard off the ground, the chains of the swing screeching. 'Just so you know there's no way in fucking hell I'm gonna flip off this thing at the end.'

'Boring.' I sung, kicking myself up too.

I hadn't been on a swing in a really long time. I forgot how good it felt with the wind blowing through my hair and the feeling of falling backwards through the air.

Edward let out an exhilarated laugh next to me and I turned to him and smiled.

When I hit the high point at the back, I rolled backwards to somersault off, something that I'd been doing since I was 6.

I landed and grinned and then swore when I realised I forgot to jump back, so the swing hit me in the gut.

'Man down.' I gasped dramatically, falling back onto the grass.

I heard Edward burst into laughter next to me and the clanging of the chains as he slowed the swing down.

His face appeared above mine with a slight grin, his green eyes bright as he stared down at me.

'Rookie.'

I glared at him and tugged him down to the floor too.

He swore and carefully rolled so he didn't hurt his arm and I winced guiltily.

'Sorry that was stupid of me. I keep forgetting.' I apologised, turning my head to face him.

He just smiled softly. 'You and your fucking apologies Sparrow. You should be Canadian.'

I grinned. 'That's a myth.'

'Not according to Ryan Reynolds.' Edward said with a sly grin.

It's exactly what he would have said when we were kids and I felt my chest ache at how easy we were conversing again, unable to help the big smile that crossed my face.

'Are we okay?' I asked him, propping myself up on my forearm to look at him.

He tucked my hair behind my ear and smiled at me. 'Yeah. I forgot how easy it is with you.'

'Stop calling me easy.' I teased. He laughed loudly, placing his good arm behind his head.

'I really did fucking miss you.' He said seriously.

'Me too.' I sighed, moving over to lay my head on his chest, my leg resting across his thigh in the way we always used to lie.

He hummed and I felt a deep contentment wash over me.

We continued asking each other questions, but neither of us pressed for anything major, just small things, like music and likes and dislikes, trying to get to know each other again.

I was so absorbed in Edward that it wasn't until we left that I remembered I still had to talk to Paul and Jasper.

Fuck.

A/N – They're finally friends again. Sigh.

Give Edward some time, I know he's a bit of an asshole but he kind of has a right to be.

This chapter was a heavy one emotionally for a lot of characters.

Did you enjoy it?!

Things are coming to a head. Bella has finally realised she has feelings for Paul.

What do you think will happen next?

Please read and review and thank you for all the lovely words of encouragement and for following and favoriting the story xxxxx