Chapter 17

Kylo is standing in his office, staring at his desk. In the center is a package from Loria. It's the candy usagi had said she liked. It was just a whim, something small to make her smile, but it has him caught in a place of profound indecision. She'd said that he could send her a message, but would having this delivered to her rooms be acceptable? Would she feel that he'd overstepped her very clear line?

So like any man who stuck in the dig house just stands there looking at the item , just looking at the non-descript box. He's exhausted he hasn't slept in two days not really. There had been no sleep last night and the attack on the fleet had ensured he'd not slept the night prior. He'd only slept a few hours yesterday morning, then an hour at most while holding usagi … He takes in a shuddering breath, trying to keep from being pulled under. Somehow, Kylo had found himself lingering outside of her rooms this morning. He'd almost lain his hand against her door, but he'd been seized by the fear that she would sense him, so he'd hurried away.

He doesn't know how to cope with this new reality. In the months between Starkillerand finding her, he'd had his collection, his fantasies … his blade. But now he has nothing but her mark along his face. He cannot comfort himself with images of his beloved, feel her scarf between his fingers. He cannot find the peace of drawing his knife along his arm. He cannot find distraction in his daydreams of their future together. He'd quickly found that imagining her skin beneath his fingers hurts. He used to be able to drown in thoughts of her, spend hours dwelling in his meager trove of memories. All he'd had to do was recall how her delicate face had looked while he crouched at her feet, waiting for her to wake, and he'd been transported to that blissful place of Rey.

Now he has daysof precious memories to pore over, the knowledge of how her eyes look filled with desire … for him, how her breath catches as he kisses along her neck, how she feels in his arms. But he finds he can't fall into his heart and lose himself in her. Instead, each memory inevitably leads to her eyes disappearing behind her door. To think of her is to be engulfed in terror. It's been less than a day since he's seen her and already the pain of missing her is threatening to destroy him. He tries to tell himself that it will be over soon, that she's still here, that this will pass but somehow hope eludes him. He lists for the tenth, hundredthtime his reasons to believe it will be alright. She'd told him she has feelings for him. She'd said that she would try. She'd kissed him goodbye. Goodbye. Oh Force, his eyes are stinging again and he shakes his head angrily. He takes a deep breath and tries again. She had been wearing the gems from his gift around her neck. She had taken his blade from him because she did not wish him to be hurt. It had been difficult for her to watch him leave. She hadn't seemed as if she wanted to be parted. Parted. Shut out. End. No, no, no! Temporary; this is temporary. For months he'd subsisted on scraps and hints; she's still here, he has her, it will be over soon. Soon, soon, soon.

"Supreme Leader?" asked huc

"What is it, Hux?" growled kylo

The general pauses, his lips pursed and brow furrowed. Then Hux stands straighter and his face returns to its usual passive countenance. His wife minako and himself tried to talk to usagi. But she wont speak of what happened. Even her children cant do it, or any if the others. Her lord hades and lady zelena. Even szayel has to go in and give her stuff because she wont eat. Loki even tried along with the others. But he has worry for the moon queen that filled their hearts.

"Jashad and Palek Ren have returned from their mission." Said hux

Qree. usagi beautiful face, tracked with tears, pulls at him. He remembers how he'd carried her to her bed after she'd fallen asleep protected in the shelter of his arms. How he'd whispered he loved her. He has to find a way to function. Everything reminds him of her and he thinks just a few more days of this might finally push him over the edge. What if she really does keep him away for a month a year? He clenches his teeth and tries to focus. He might as well meet with the Knights of Ren now, get that over with. He'll deal with the package from Loria later.

"Have all of the knights assemble in my hall." Orders kylo

"Yes, Supreme Leader." said Hux

"And confirm that the stormtrooper detail has been removed from the girl's door. Have her placed under surveillance. I want to be informed of her movements immediately." Ordered kylo

"Sir?" asked hux

"Was I unclear?" hissed Kylo

"Forgive me, Supreme Leader. I simply wish to ensure that I've understood correctly. You wish to remove her guards and replace them with more … circumspect means? But I know minako will not be happy or the others." Said hux

"That is what I said." Snapped kylo

"Does that mean she will be free to roam the ship?" asked usagi

"She can do what she likes." Said kylo

"Sir, she escaped you on Starkiller." Said hux

"Hence the surveillance, Hux," said kylo flatly

Kylo vouce dangerously as he strides forward, looming over the frustrating general. Kylo is barely holding on and does not even beginto have the ability to navigate Hux's disapproval. But he knew hux was just looking put for usagi. Plus he came less of a dick since he married minako. But right now he needed to show usagi that she can roam the ship. He didn't want her cooped up. Sure he has no clue on how she was doing, and he was not getting any answers on that. Just mainly worried looks and sad glances.

"Are you finished questioning my orders?" asked kylo

"I meant no disrespect, sir. She will be under surveillance within minutes. You will be kept apprised of her … activities." Said hux

"I don't simply want a report at the end of the day, I wish to know where she is at all times." Snapped kylo

kylo may not be able to be in her presence, but he knows he wouldn't be able to focus on anything if he didn't know where she was. Or her friends or family wont tell him anything, most of all hux wife who is sailor venus. But he will make sure she was watched and made sure she was going to be ok. Hux sighed kylo was digging his hole deeper with usagi. Doesn't he know he's in the dog house try not to get further into the dog house. Hell he remember when minako put him in the dog house. But he cant remember what it was for.

"Yes, sir." Said hux

Kylo steps back and returns to staring at the package on his desk. He remembers something he had attempted to do for her, before she'd sent him away. not bothering to look at the general For a long moment Hux doesn't say anything and Kylo turns his head to inspect the irritatingly necessary man. kylo sweeps into the cavernous chamber. He still detests the reminder of Snoke, but certain trappings are unavoidable. All are seated but Wylan, who is leaning casually against the wall. Wylan. He's overwhelmed by hatred as he remembers what Wylan had done on Vren. Vren. Where she had kissed him. Where she had opened the Bond and let him teach her, finally teach her. Where she had runfrom him. Fury is riding him hard. He recalls the satisfied smile on the other man's smug face as he'd shown usagi how to unlock the puzzle box. Under his helmet, his lips curl in disgust as he remembers the way Wylan had stood so close to hisusagi. He'd purposefully toldher that the knights were there to guard her, disobeying a direct order, challenging him. Wylan Ren has always challengedhim. But this time, he had done it in front of her.

The fear as usagi had disappeared from his sight courses through him. Lucky szayel and kenpachi was there. But Wylanhad done that. Wylan had gained usagi attention. Attention Kylo no longer has. She'd been bursting with excitement as she'd so easilyshared her joy with his loathed rival. Potent jealousy races through him and before he even knows what he's doing, he slams Wylan down on the table and pins him with the Force.

"Supreme Leader!" gasped Vitok

"Silence, Vitok. I've allowed you quite enough leniency," ordered kylo

"Wylan Ren, Tell me, did you think it was wise to ignore my instructions?" hissed kylo

"Did I cause problems with the lovely Lady usagi?" taunts Wylan

Pulsing rageriots through Kylo's brain and he reaches out and chokes him with the Force. Wylan, who has always despised him, always known just where to land his hits Wylan had made usagi smile that smile that should only be for him. He'd almost lost her. His vision is taken over by the image of usagi beaming happily up at Wylan and he squeezes harder. Wylan is gasping and his hands are scrabbling at his throat. Dimly he hears calls to him but he ignores them.

Kylo is going to kill this man. He'd tried to get between him and usagi and not even Snokehad survived that. But then again he was endymion father. So huge different war on that part. No one will everstand between him and his beloved. Not even her. He won't allow it. He doesn't care who he has to kill, what he has to do, to protect what is his. Anyone who threatens that will suffer the consequences. Wylan is starting to shake and Kylo grins as he senses the life leaving him. It feels goodto hold such power over another. There, he feels as a bone in his neck snaps and it is exceptionallysatisfying. Hands are pulling at him, but he keeps his focus. Then suddenly he's knocked off his feet as Palek barrels into him and they land in a heap. Kylo snarls and Force pushes Palek against the wall as he gains his feet. He stalks towards Wylan's shuddering body.

"Kylo!" yelled Vitok

Vitok as she tries to grab him by the shoulders. Kylo shakes her off and advances on Wylan. Vitok and Natan rush between Kylo and the injured knight and Jashad goes to Palek's side, helping him to his feat. While vitok pushed her soulmate out if the room, draco doesn't need to see his future step father in this state. She didn't get answers from draco on what happened. But right now she knee something happened. And she knew how to get to kylo. But she had szayel here in case he needed to be sedated. Szayel closed his golden eyes as he sighed, it was bound to happen if usagi found his stuff .

"Kylo, you have to get yourself under control, or I have szayel sedate you," pleads vitok

"No! Wylan tried to take usagi from me he must die," hissed Kylo viciously.

Vitok's words slice through him as Orin's open face swims through his memories. Flashes of his saber plunging into Demyan's back overtake him. He's frozen and breathing hard as he's lost in a loop of violence and loss. Vitok uses the opportunity to take charge. As she she waved szayel away since he was not needed szayel ordered the other two on the room to help. The man is alive but wont enjoy the care since he is letting mayuri deal with him, he pushed them out the room Natan moves to the side, watching. Kylo can't break out of the cage of memory, now caught watching herface disappear behind the durasteel as the door closes between them. Vitok continues to stand in front of him and the sense of danger is dissipating.

"Something happened with usagi, didn't it." Said vitok

"That's none of your concern," snapped kylo

"You just tried to kill Wylan after you did kill Demyan. As a Knight of Ren I think that makes it my concern." Said vitok

Kylo doesn't say anything, bowing his head as he was feeling shame. Plus he got pleasure that mayuri was going to be his care taker. He knows of his not fun medical was to those he hated. But right now he kinda didn't want to get into this with someone who was sticking their nose don't belonged. Plus hux learned that rather quickly. Vitok sighed she knows the master well. So something has happened.

"You said you would let me help you. Tell me what happened" said vitok

Kylo's shoulders fall in resignation. The adrenaline is leaving him and he wonders if perhaps he shouldtalk with Vitok. Minako to pissed off at him, and he had his ass kicked a few times already. Suddenly he doesn't want to wear his helmet and he jerks it from his head. Vitok tilts her head but mirrors his actions. Her eyes are patient and warm and Kylo remembers how he used to talk with her when he was a boy. He can't remember why he'd stopped.

"She's refusing to see me." Said kylo

"What did you do?" asks vitok

"Do? Why must it be that I did something?" asked kylo

Vitok crosses her arms and simply looks at him. Draco must not of said anything, or if usagi didn't speaks about what happens, while he saw the look vitok was giving him, it remained him of a protective woman over someone she cared about, even hux grew balls to tell him off about this. Vitok sighed she knew he was going to say. But from what she understood from szayel usagi is not herself, and very withdrawn.

"She saw … she saw some things she shouldn't have." Mumbled kylo

"Such as?" asked vitok

"I … while I was trying to find her, sometimes I would come across things of hers. And I … I kept them." Said kylo

Kylo sighed with saying it out loud makes him uncomfortable and he's not sure why. It was perfectly reasonable to want to have mementos of her. Plus vitok knew about the whole thing with her soulmate punching him in the nose. She told draco not to do that again. But he's protective over his mother. And proud of him for that, but vitok closed her eyes as she let him finish this was hard for him to do, usagi was his they are bound so there was nothing wrong to look at her when he wished.

"Yes … and … there were images …" said kylo

"And?" pushed vitok

"Why must there be more?" asked kylo

"Because I've known you since you were 11 and I know what it means when you hunch your shoulders just so." Said vitok

"I also have a cabinet of gifts, jewelry and what not. She assumed that I had them to give to whatever woman happened to be warming my bed." Said kylo

"And do you?" asked Vitok

"No! No … I've not had relationships of that sort." Said kylo

He'd never had them in his rooms and there'd certainly never been a bed involved. When he did those activities in the past that was to just get off and leave. That's all it ever was. But he would never have no other woman once he found usagi. Well she went by Rey at the time, but that us beside the point. But he was proud of draco for standing up to him for him mother. He's a good son and perfect for vitok.

"Anything else?" asked vitok

"She found … she found the rings. The wedding rings." Mumbled kylo

"Oh, Kylo … she's only been with you for a week." Growled vitok

"I know! I know!" cried kylo

"What were you thinking?" asked vitok

"I wasn't! I haven't been thinkingnsince Takodana! I … I just … Vitok, she may have only been here for a week, but I've … I've loved her since I first saw her." Said kylo

kylo looks into Vitok's eyes to show her he was telling her the truth. She knew that usagi was once Rey before she came back to her normal form, but he was willing her to comprehend just a little bit of his torment. Plus vitok knew a lot about usagi. Draco who is her soulmate and minako and others have talked to her about usagi. But when it came down to his other knights they don't talk about with. But vitok made from everyone new to their cause.

"It's been nearly a year and I know there is no one for me but her. I saw the rings and I just … they made me think of her eyes, the way the metal swirled and glinted. I didn'tthink about it. I just … hoped." Said kylo

"As far as I've been able to piece together, she was your prisoner, she escaped, and then you didn't seen her until Ilaria. You've only spent a handful of days with her, yet you're so sureabout her. That … worries me." Said vitok

Kylo hasn't told anyone about the Bond. He's not sure if he should. It's dear, precious … sacred. But he needs for someone else to understand. He'd been holding on to the idea that once usagi was here he would finally be able to share what's inside of him, but it's all grown so confused. He's cracking and maybe, just maybe, he can trust Vitok. What if she knows something more about Force Bonds? He decides he will take this risk.

"I would prefer you not share this. There are others who know that came along with usagi." Said kylo

"Of course I won't. I never shared your confidences when you were a boy, did I?" said vitok

"No … no you didn't." said kylo

"Well then." Said vitok

"When we … met … Alright, when I captured her. She went by Rey then, but I saw what my father did to her medical wanted to take care of it but I did it myself, after that things have changed since then she came to her normal form and found what Skywalker did to her and killed him and because she knew what he did to me she killed him for that as well…" explained kylo

For a moment he remembers how she'd always known when he'd needed to talk, when he was about to burst with rage or frustration. But he was having to talk to someone who knew him well. But then again she known him and helped him through his abuse from his under and father. Vitok on,y nodded to what he was saying. While she knew some of those parts. But not what his father did to her. But kylo should of sent her to medical. But he meant well that is what she had hoped. But she waved for him to continue.

"Yes, they have. But you can still trust me. Please, tell me what you were going to say," said vitok

"Something ... happened, on Starkiller. I … I was interrogating her …" said klyo

Kylo looks down at the floor and knew it was best for her to know. He doesn't like what he did. He doesn't like that he hurt usagi well Rey at the time. He took care if her before hand with love and care. But he still felt like a dick. but It's the most important thing that has everhappened to him and he would never change one moment of that day for fear of losing the Bond, but he'll never be able to take back what he did to her before he'd comprehended who she was who she is to him. He clears his throat and returns his gaze to Vitok.

"I was trying to find the map to Skywalker and she pushed back. In that moment we were ... Boned and soulmates, plus We share a Force Bond." Said kylo

"I see." Said vitok

"Do you?" asked kylo

"I think so. It certainly doesexplain things. Though … spontaneously like that … I honestly don't recall much about them, but that is especially unusual, isn't it?" said vitok

"As far as I've been able to find in the archives, yes. All I know for certain is that it's permanent and it's strong. Being away from her … it's agony. It nearly tore me apart. I thought it would get better once she was here, but … in some ways it's worse." Said kylp

"What do you mean?" asked vitok

Kylo doesn't know how to talk about this. It's too personal. How can he possibly explain to Vitok the nearly incapacitating need to touch usagi? But he knew she would never leave him alone if he didn't tell her everything. Plus usagi destroyed his knife. But he didn't know if he should say anything about that. Vitok always kicked his ass when he sliced his arms. She might be happy usagi destroyed his knife.

"Having her here … it's difficult to focus on anything but her." Said kylo

"Forgive me, but I think that's true of anyone in love. Alright, now that I understand why you've been acting in such an extrememanner, let's figure out how to fix this. So she's refusing to see you." Said vitok

Kylo pushes away from the table and begins to pace. Finally they are getting to a point where he needed help. Vitok smiled at kylo and knew he knows what he was feeling. Plus she enjoyed watching him squirm. Kylo sighed and glared at her and knew the reason why she had done that. He just needed to know how to go about this, usagi is avoiding him and he hates it, maybe she might be able to help him out with what to do.

"yes. She says she needs time." Said kylo

"I imagine finding all of that was quite a lot for her to come to terms with all at once. The poor girl is likely terrified." Said vitok

Kylo stops his agitated movements and turns to Vitok who only arched a brow at him, Vitok sighed his parents was bastards and never taught him on what happens when woman like usagi who been through so much hell for three lives. The poor girl lost because of snoke son during the first silver kingdom. Then endymion all over again. Then lived through out time again, then had the battle with endymion then Luke dick up his ass Skywalker forced her to be reborn again to the scum of the earth so she could produce children for him. But it backfired and she became the soulmate to kylo and back to her normal form and made the galaxy back to normal when endymion split it.

"I never meant to frighten her! I just … you don't know what those months of searching didto me. I … sometimes having her things, being able to look at pictures of her … dream of a future … it was the only thing that kept me sane." Explained kylo

"Do you understand why she might find that rather overwhelming?" asked vitok

"I … maybe. Not really. She knows how I feel about her. Well … she doesn't believe me, but I havetold her. Is it so wrong that I needed her so much that I took what I could?" asked kylo

Kylo was hoping vitok was seeing things on his side of things. But he does see things her way as well. But he was not going to give up. Sure she maybe future family because she is the soul mate to draco . but right now he needed someone to tell him to go to her. That it was ok to just walk in to her chambers and take her into his arms. Vitok sighed she knows what kylo wants and it would put him in the dog house further.

"From a certain point of view it's actually quite flattering. However, you can be a bit … intense. Try to think about it from her perspective. I understand about the Bond, how that changes things. But … there's no good way to say this. Keeping her things like that, it's somewhat … disturbing." Said vitok

"Why?" asked kylo

"Because it's a violation of her privacy. You didn't ask, you just took." Said vitok

"How was I meant to ask her? She kept running from me!" growled kylo

Kylo just wanted to pound his head against the wall when it came down to all of this. He just wanted to have someone see things his way. Vitok sighed she knew where kylo was aiming, bit she was going to get him see reason. This was something that is needed to be done for him and usagi to move on from this ugly mess. But she will let him go on the one thing he kinda was asking for it for provoking kylo the way he did.

"That might be part of the issue as well. You took her and had me restrain her twice as you yanked her pants down and sedated her twice. too." Said vitok

"She gave me no choice!" growled kylo

"Calm down. I understand that you didn't perceive another way to handle things. There's nothing you can do to change what's already transpired.. but you need to do now is be patient. Something you must learn. Give her the time that she's asked for." Said vitok

"But she said it could be a year!" whined kylo

Vitok's head cocks and she taps a finger on her lower lip trying not to laugh at kylo whining. Oh its been a very long time since she heard him whine. But she has to know what she had said to him to know how to help him on that one, and she knew he was getting antsy already, shevknee kylo never had any patience. Mostly all because of his awful upbringing. So he never learned to show patience and most of all that he needed to learn what its like being in the dog house. It was funny when hux was put in the dog house by minako and shoved out of their chambers nude. A lot of people didnt need to see that. But he could have had a boyfriend that night since he was chanced by a gay guy wanting him for the night.

"What did she actually say?" asked vitok

"That if she needed a week, a month, a year, that I was to give it to her." Said kylo

"Ah, I see. No, it won't be a year. She might make you wait a month to make a point, though. She put you in the dog house. Be lucky you were not hux shoved out of his and minako chambers nude and was chased by a gay guy all night," said vitok

"What sort of point?" asked kylo

"That you aren't in charge of her." Said vitok

Kylo if he was in a better mood he would laughed at what hux had to go through. But right now he was not in mood. He just wants usagi back in his arms. He's just so lost with out het. Vitok sighed it seemed getting through to kylo was a tough one. She knew that when they started to talk. But she knew he has to see things through usagi eyes. Oh how she felt for the poor moon queen that day they took her. Having to restrain her and watch kylo pull her pants down twice inject her with a sedative. Most of all with the resistance trying to kill her. As if they knew they were going to be powerless soon.

"Of course I'm not in charge of her! Maker, she's in control of everything." Growled kylo

"Well, no … she's not." Said vitok

"Yes she is!" growled kylo

"She has as much or as little control as you give her." Said vitok

"No! It's always been on her terms. Always. I begged her to come to me. I promise you, I've absolutely no pride when it comes to her." Whined kylo

Vitok sighs heavily as she pinched the bridge of her nose. It's as if he was not getting the point acrossed. He was not giving her no freedom. All he wanted her to do was do what he tells her to do. But he was going to learn that is now how things works. He was finally growing balls and having a heart to a woman. But not any woman neo queen serenity. Someone who needed as much freedom as she could. But with the resistance wanting her dead it was hard to do that right now.

"May I ask you a question?" asked vitok

"Yes," said kylo

"Did you hunt her throughout the galaxy? Chase her clear across the star systems?" asked vitok

There's a sharp stab of somethingin his gut and he feels like he did when Vitok would catch him and Orin sneaking about in the middle of the night. He looks away and bowed his head in shame. It seemed she was caught on to the fact he did do that. But right now she was not going to stop until he spilled everything to her. But if she can tell him what was best then he don't mind doing this at all. Vitok waited for him to say something.

"Yes." Said kylo

"Did you give her a choice to come with you? This is important. Please answer my question. Did you give her any choice?" demanded Vitok's

"No! Alright? No, I didn't give her a choice, But I knew that once she was here she would start to see, she would understand, she would forgive me!" cried kylo

"But she never got to choose, did she?" asked vitok

His head is filled with tears as he remembers those days when he tried his best to get her to come to him. But she was to busy trying to be kind to the resistance as if they appreciated her or the help. They tried to kill her. His mother messed with her head. he closes his eyes tightly and clenches his fists. When he finally looks back to Vitok he finds disappointment in their warm depths. As she was catching on to what he had done.

"Did she?" asked Vitok

"No … no, she didn't," said kylo

"So who's really in control here?" asked vitok

"I always do everything she asks of me," said kylo

"Did she ask you to let her go?" asked vitok

Kylo looks away again as if he was being scolded like a child, but its not as if she tried until she got here. He knows usagi has a king heart and one of a warrior. He should put a stop to this. It's not right to have this talk with vitok. But he knew she meant well. But he should refuse to answer her questions. But … what if Vitok knows what to do? And shook his head no to her answer.

"And you didn't let her go. So when you say you always do what she asks you to do, that's not really true, is it?" asked vitok

"no" mumbled kylo

Vitok approaches him and hesitates before laying her hand on his arm to try to get him to understand what he had done wrong,. And at first he wants to shrink from her gesture. It fills him with conflicted feelings. No one has touched him with concern but usagi, not since … He returns his attention to his knight. She was trying her best to get him to understand. And a lot to think about with all she was saying.

"Right now usagi needs to feel like she has some control over her life. And from what I understand she hadn't had much of that in her life. You need to show her that you will respect her choices, even if you don't like them." Said vitok

"But what if she really does make me wait a year?" cried kylo

"She won't. It's obvious that she cares for you. Even when we … found her on Ilaria, I could see it. Just be patient." Said vitok

"I don't know how I'll survive it," said kylo

"It won't be long, I promise. On Vren she came back when you gave her the space to do so. She'll agree to see you again soon enough." Said vitok

Kylo glances away trying not to cry infront of her, the only person he feels comfortable to cry in front of us usagi. But he wanting very much to believe Vitok's words. But he knew it's going to be hard for him. But he must remain strong and show her he could wait for her to come to him. Vitok smiled as she let him to think, she will make sure of what to do next if he didn't listen to him. But lucky he hasn't found about her being sick.

meanwhile later that afternoon

It's late in the afternoon and Jashad and Palek Ren are standing in front of his desk. After having a talk with vitok and then minako he knows that he has no choice but to do this. He knows in his heart usagi would come back to him once she sorts out things. but The events of earlier ensured he's not yet heard what had transpired with Sylten Qree. The filthy bastard who broke his beloved heart. But he needed to know more info.

"Report," ordered kylo

"We left Qree on Talnat with his ship and his credits." Said Jashad

"Since you have returned I assume you have the location of Lann Tren?" asked kylo

"Yes, as of a year ago she was on Deshrah. She joined the Order of the K'Ruhr." Said Jashad

Kylo has never heard of them, his dealings with the Church of the Force quite enough for him on the subject of religion. Deshrah … it's only a day from their current position. Excellent. The sooner he finds Lann Tren, the sooner usagi will have no choice but to see him, though after speaking with Vitok he sees that he will need to ask her first before taking any action. He must prove to her that he will no longer make decisions for her.

"Anything else?" asked kylo

"Well … Qree, he might have slippedon his way up the ramp." Said Jashad

"I see, Did the fall kill him?" asked kylo

"Unfortunately, no. However the damage was quite … extensive." Said Jashad

Kylo nearly orders Jashad to offer up the memory to him. But now they needed to find the woman usagi was cursed to be reborn to. That woman is no mother to her, but he knows usagi was curious and wanted to know, but he gets a sick feeling that it was only going to end in heart break. But he will do this for her. While vitok smiled and left on draco arm. But draco apologize to hin about punching him, but he waved it off and told him it was ok.

Meanwhile a hour later

kylo agonizes over what to write to her. She hadsaid that he could send her a message when he had news of her mother well the mother she cursed with because of his uncle. He wants to go to her, talk to her, but Vitok says he must be patient. Must give her this despised time. He wants … he wants to apologize, to explain. Much as he does not like what Vitok had said, perhaps she is right. He supposes he didn't give usagi a choice. He couldn't take the chance. But he hadn't meant to make her feel that she has no agency. He has no wish to control her. He just wants her to understand, to see that he'd only done the things he had because of how much he loves her. Surely that would make sense to her? He shakes his head. None of these musings address the matter at hand. Finally he types. He drafts it over and over again, desperate pleadings falling from his fingertips. Then he remembers her admonishment not to abuse this privilege. It is the only way he has of contacting her and he's terrifiedof losing this as well. Eventually he is satisfied.

Jashad and Palek Ren have returned. Your mother my uncle cursed you with is on Deshrah. With your permission, we will proceed there at once. I await your instructions.

He looks at his words for a long time and thinks of all he didn't say. I'm sorry, I need you, forgive me, let me in. I love you, I love you, I love you …He doesn't want to send it. So long as he delays, he feels almost connected to her. But the sooner it is away, the sooner he will receive something in return. As minimal as it is likely to be, it will be precious because it will be from her.He sends his strides into his office, responding to Kylo's summons.

"Have KS-2153 report to me immediately," ordered Kylo

He may not be able to see his beloved, but she'd never said anything about talking to those who are allowed the right. Well the ones that will give him a little bit of some information. Even minako wasn't telling him anything. Nor was anyone else. But the knight reincarnated stormtrooper is a different story, even though zoycite is someone he has never encountered yet. But that was going to change, she was going to give him information to go on, he needed this, and then maybe change a memory so usagi don't find out. He wouldn't mind terribly if Wylan were to die on a mission, but he is somewhat relieved that he hadn't killed him. He doesn't want his knights to think he's going to pick them off one at a time. Hux lingers, clearly wishing to say something else. He really does hate this little quirk of the general's.

"you are normally busy at this hour." Said hux

" and I wasn't the one whose wife kicked me of our chambers nude and having a gay man chase after me nude now was I hux." Growled kylo

The reminder that he is notin her quarters sharing her company carves into his chest. He's acutely aware that he should be gazing into her lovely eyes, perhaps even holding her close on her settee as they wait for dinner to arrive instead of dealing with Hux. Maker, he misses her. he raises a threatening hand. Hux steps back but his face remains free of expression. Plus he knows that he got that over his head. While he watched minako snicker at her husband discomfort and left.. as zoycite entered the office.

" zoycite, You spent the afternoon with usagi." Said kylo

"Yes, sir." Said zoycite

"How did she seem?" asked kylo

"She is in good health, sir." Said zoycite

"I don't mean her health! What was her mood? How did she seem?" asked kylo

Does she miss him a fraction of how he's missing her? He just needed to know on this. Because no one was telling him anything. Zoycite sighed of course no one had the decency to warn her about the future king being the one to ask her the questions. Oh hey zoycite by the way kylo is a walking mess and will ask questions watch out. Oh she hated her life sometimes. While she was ranting mentally kylo was getting annoyed.

"Well?" asked kylo impatiently.

"I don't understand the question, sir." Said zoycite

Kylo stands from his desk and approaches his only link with usagi right now. None of the others are going to give him any info, not even szayel. So yes he was going to be going to the last person he could think of, and zoycite was fidgeting as if she was nervous. And the sweating was kinda putting that out there. Zoycite knows better to piss off this guy, but she didn't know of it was correct to tell him things her friend and queen tells him, kylo needed to know if she was suffering. Or give off any hints to her. It seemed everyone else didn't.

"I mean was she happy? Angry … sad?" asked kylo

"She never said. Usagi always been a very private person ever since the first silver kingdom, sir." Said zoycite

" fine what did you speak of. Answer my question." Demanded kylo

Kylo huffs in frustration at the reborn knight turn stormtrooper. usagi had once said that conversing with him was like talking to a rock and he wonders if this is what she meant. Zoycite was cursing her existence right now. The future king is well rather pushy and scary. She thought baryal was bad. But she is nearly vibrating with fear., his voice modulator adding menace to his tone. He watches as the zoycite pulls herself to her full height.

"She's been so good to me. She always has since she saved me from endymion and took me under her care in the first silver kingdom and saved me again, I don't think I should." Said zoycite

"I am the Supreme Leader; I am the First Order. Your entire life is in my hands," said kylo

"Please don't make me, sir." Pleaded zoycite

"Do you want to be sent for reconditioning? I don't care right now that you are a reborn knight. You will answer." Ordered kylo

kylo stands over her he knows he should not be doing this. But he knows zoycite is the weakest one out all of her knights and now his knights since he is with usagi. Well in the dog house. But using his considerable height to intimidate usagi friend and knight. Well the only one he coukd get away doing this with, zoycite gulped he means business. But she feels horrible to betray her queen and friend, she just can't. and hope next time the others will warn her next time on this. Well unless they are still pissed off over that one time.

"Please, sir, no I finally remember my life on what I use to have. sir" pleaded zoycite

"shes worried about things about the resistance coming after her. And everyone else protecting her from them." Said zoycite

"What else?" asked kylo

"I ..." gasped zoycite

"I do not wish to do this the hard way. But I will," says kylo

Kylo raised a threatening tone voice as he lifts his hand, about to enter her mind. Zoycite pulls back, staring at his hovering hand. Eventually she nods in defeat. He drops his arm. Finally he was getting somewhere. He hate that he has to do this. But he was going to get his way as he leaned on his desk. And it seemed most of the others not a fan of zoycite. Something she did that they would never ever speak of ever again.

"Now, tell me everything. What she said, what clothing she selected, how she wore her hair. Everything." Ordered kylo

Zoycite looks at the floor her shoulders stooped. Well this is the karma she got from the time they would never ever speak of ever again. Eventually she looks back up and begins to tell him of his usagi. Now he had something to go on tonight when he lets his mind wonder. But when she was done he dismissed her and expecting this every evening. As he sighed and finished his work for the evening.

Meanwhile later that night

kylo is returning to his chambers and has the package from Loria tucked against his side, still utterly undecided as to what to do with it. Perhaps he will ask Vitok. He contemplates what he'd learned from zoycite. He'd taken in every detail with ferocious hunger and endless appetite. He'd tried to imagine how she had looked today, taking tea with the zoycite. But zoycite was a stormtrooper weren't trained with keen observational skills and all zoycite could tell him was that usagi had been wearing a tunic and leggings, with her hair pulled back.

Eventually he'd broken down and invaded her mind anyway, his need to know what he could of usagi overriding his desire to behave as usagi would prefer. He'd changed zoycite memory so that she would never know she had reported to him. And, of course, she would now feel compelled to ask many questions about the Supreme Leader. And well learned on the thing that was never to be mentioned. He would file that for black mail to gain information on his usagi.

As he'd ransacked the former knight of the silver kingdom mind, one who betrayed her to endymion in her second life. But usagi seemed to not know that and everyone did. He was not going to break her heart with the information. Plus was he might think usagi knows and wish to give her another chances a friend but not ranked as knight until her trust can be regained. But scouring for every scrap of her, he'd been deeply concerned by usagi listless tone and flat expression as the oblivious zoycite.

He'd nearly lost the thread of memory in zoycite mind when he'd seen the ribbon peeking out from under her simple lavender tunic. She is still wearing his gift. Her hair had been pulled tightly into her two buns serenity royal style, and she didn't smile, not even once. His alarm had grown as he had watched her ignore the little cakes and biscuits, barely touching her meal. She'd frequently placed her hand at her chest, right where the bundle of stones rested. He doesn't like that she's not eating, but perhaps she simply hadn't been hungry.

He slows his strides as he approaches their shared corridor. He doesn't really think as he finds himself pulled to her door. He places his offering from Loria in front of her entryway and this time he doeslay his hand on the durasteel. He wishes he wasn't wearing his helmet, he'd like to press his cheek against the surface. She's inside and this is as close as he can be to her. He stands there for a long time, trying to imagine what she's doing. It's late is she sleeping? He knew tamaki was staying with her along with his wife but they seem to be in their room now. but does she dream of him the way that he dreams of her? Perhaps she is wearing that sensuous silk nightgown that had clung so enticingly. Or maybe she's awake. Would she be thinking of him? Working her way to forgiveness? Please, usagi my beloved … please.

Then he feels a warmth growing against his palm. TheBond. She's standing rightontheotherside with her hand mirroring his. He starts to breathe quickly he's caught! He's about to pull away, run, but then he feels just a tendril of her. It's soothing, welcoming, yearning. he places his other hand against the metal. He feels an answering pulse and he knowsthey would be pressed together were it not for the panel separating them. He wants to say something, but he doesn't want to frighten her away, so he simply stands there as the energy flows between them.

Then a spike of panic runs through him and the connection is cold and empty. She's gone. For a long time he doesn't move, hoping she will return, give him just a little more. Finally he accepts that she's not coming back. He pulls his hands from her door and clenches his fists. His palms buzz with the after effects of the Bond. He looks at the package at his feet and decides to leave it. He wants proof that he was here, of what had transpired, that for just a moment she had given into the need. As he makes his way to his quarters, he again lists all the reasons he has to believe this will be over soon. There will be no sleep tonight.

To be continued