Who told you to come to be

With a heart sized like the ocean?

Tamar Kali – "Ocean"

Belmira Sousa had been Sabine's international bestie since she was thirteen.

Brazilian, dark-haired, and dark-tempered, Sabine found instant kinship with Belmira because she was a stone-cold shark. Black-eyed, and bold like Sabine on the water, their friendship crystallized when they both realized they would have to work harder to get respect and recognition compared to fellow surfers who had easy access to resources to participate in the sport.

Like getting to a beach every day.

Affording a surfboard and all the gear that came with it.

Fighting locals who were not only territorial but often dicks to women. Often racist without thinking they were.

There were times when Sabine and Belmira would travel together to competitions they had saved up for and could only survive on bread, cheap peanut butter, and bananas the whole time. They slept on beaches in rotation to keep an eye on their gear because they couldn't afford hotels. They both had dreams of sponsorship and titles and suffered the grind of trying to make it. Their fellow Bad Cat comrade Esmee was from Ecuador and she had complaints about her country only wanting to sponsor women surfers who looked like models.

All types of women surfed around the world, but every time Sabine checked out the web pages for the competitors on the circuit for women, the majority were white, often blonde, and quite a few came from surfing family dynasties. Their set was thrilled when Belmira was sponsored by a high-end international sports clothing brand, Athletican. She could afford to stay in hotels and eat more than peanut butter and fruit nowadays. Belmira knew it was because she herself had model looks and because she was a white Brazilian. However, she was also from the streets and from a working poor family, so she stayed in solidarity with others who did not have access to the things they needed which was beyond their control. Belmira took no shit, but she gave it when she felt it was needed to be given. Sabine was more often than not right there with her.

They were both slated to compete at the Nissan Super Girl Pro in Oceanside and the Vans U.S. Open in Huntington Beach and Sabine couldn't wait to hang around her girl for two full weeks inside nice hotels that were paid for. Sabine was dying to have room service and catch up on all the pro surf tour gossip. Belmira was on her way to being invited to the Championship Tour the following year. Ranked number eight in the world, she was a shoo-in with her high scores and stunning performances around the globe thus far. Sabine was ready to bust that girl's chops full time now. Belmira was a great surfer. Sabine believed she was better. Belmira knew this and welcomed the challenge and the camaraderie.

It was hard traveling the world as a pro and having to hear criticism about not being a nice girl or not being overly bubbly and friendly. Sharks didn't make friends. They were apex predators. The Bad Cat crew was really a shiver of sharks moving among dolphins. Camaraderie was important in the surfing world. People traveled far and wide together and bonding was important to get through the good and bad times. Sabine just felt like her grouping of friends were the liminal outsiders. Most of them came from poor backgrounds and sometimes it was hard adjusting around people who had always been comfortable. They didn't feel sorry for themselves; it just made them hungrier to win and dominate the sport. They wanted to show the world that Malibu Ken and Barbie clones didn't own the waves. The waves belonged to the world. Sabine planned to be the Queen of that world. One day.

Driving up to the Oceanside Double Tree Inn, Sabine found Belmira lounging at the hotel pool slathered in Hawaiin Tropicana suntan oil, her hair in a high pigtail. The moment she saw Sabine, she jumped up from her plastic lounge chair squealing and throwing her arms around Sabine's neck.

They gave each other cheek kisses and held hands walking into the hotel bar together.

"Where are your things?" she asked.

"In my van."

"I'm so happy to see you. I'm sad Esmee couldn't come. She has sponsorship from the government now, but she's only getting two hundred dollars a month."

"That barely covers—"

"Don't even get me started. How is your family? Papi and Máe Belinda are coming?"

"Maybe next weekend. There's a street festival in Mission Beach so they're busy trying to make that money. All hands on deck."

They drank a couple of beers at the bar and decided to spend time testing the waves where they would be competing. The weather was hot and the breezes absent so it felt good being in the water. The first hour was fun as they talked a mile a minute about Belmira's new Australian boyfriend who moved to Brazil to be with her. Her man was another competitive surfer but was caught up in Belmira's love magic and now sold surfboards and taught surfing on the beaches of Eastern Rio.

Sabine slapped hands with Belmira on the water as they caught up.

"Will Yolanda think about competing?" Belmira asked.

"I don't know. She's a beast on the water too, but now her mind is on grad school. It's been hard thinking about what will happen to us in the fall. We hang out as much as we can now, but once she starts grad school, it'll be different. Now that I'll be doing this full time, I don't know when I'll see her in the future."

"San Diego is your home base, so of course you'll see her."

"Who knows, I'll be moving around a lot.

"The one thing you are good at is staying in touch with people."

"It's hard though. Last week, for the first time, it really hit me that my university days are over. The apron strings have been cut. Everything I do here on out is my doing. At least at school, I had a pre-made schedule, everything was set in stone. Now…anything could happen."

"So…any new dick in your life?"

"Ohmigod you never stop!"

Sabine splashed water on Belmira as a large wave lifted up their boards and they scrambled to keep their balance while they floated over the back of it.

"I saw the pictures you posted. Training looks insane. What's it like being around Killmonger? I met him twice last year at the Australian Open and he was hanging out in Hawaii when I was there. He's pretty intense."

Sabine's eyes darted to the water in front of her and she twirled her fingers near the rails of her board. Belmira paddled closer to her.

"Is he mean? He seems cool in person and on land, but in the water…meu Deus. I would be scared to do a heat with him."

Sabine rubbed her thigh.

"Well?"

"He's intense."

"I knew it. You hit him up for help with sponsorship?"

"No. The training he's paying for is enough."

"He's paying for your training?"

"I only pay for my food."

"He's sponsoring you then. A personal sponsor."

"He's not covering my travel."

"Maybe he's investing slowly."

Sabine closed her eyes and thought of Erik's lips going up the side of her neck peppering kisses along her jawline and holding her on his lap while he ran his fingers…

"Sugar?"

"I have to prove my worth out here. This weekend is my first pay off to him."

They watched a few other surfers join them on the line and Sabine stretched her back. She could see vendors and staff for the surf event setting up for the next day.

More surfers paddled out and Sabine recognized a few contenders for the men's division of the event.

"Belmira!"

One guy waved to Belmira and her girl acknowledged him with a hand wave.

"Ooof, Crampton is here. Fucker," Belmira grumbled.

Sabine looked around Belmira and saw the man she was talking about.

"You two beefing?"

"Asshole."

They greeted two white female surfers who were competing and they were friendly and welcoming to Sabine, both of them excited to see new faces coming out.

Waves began to show out and they all rock and rolled.

Belmira made Sabine take notes, and she watched her buddy carve up waves better than some of the men who swept past them.

"This you," Sabine called out.

"Jump on it with me!"

Belmira took off and Sabine did too, but so did Crampton on the same wave behind them. Sabine watched Belmira crouch down low and drop down to make her bottom right turn while Crampton didn't ease back to let her have the wave by herself. He bent his knees, reached out, and grabbed Belmira's leash causing her to fall off of her board.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" Sabine screamed at him.

Crampton flipped Sabine off.

Belmira had a wave fall over her before she could grab her board and Sabine changed directions to check on her, dropping down into the water with her.

"You okay?" Sabine asked.

"I'm fine."

"You get hit with his board at all?"

"No."

A few other surfers shouted at Crampton, but the man glided his board all the way to shore. Belmira grabbed her board and went after him. Sabine was right behind her.

"Que porra e essa? Monte de merda!"

Belmira struck Crampton's arm to get his attention.

"Learn to surf, bitch."

"Fuck you," Sabine said.

She stood right next to Belmira.

"She had that wave. You should've fallen back when she passed you," Sabine shouted.

A few other surfers came over to try and diffuse the situation.

"Uncool, Crampton," a white male surfer with a neon rash guard said.

Crampton pushed back his tawny lank hair and stared Belmira down.

"Keep your hands off of my board…bitch," Belmira spat.

"Know your place on the line-up. You're supposed to be a pro, right?" he said.

"Take it to the water folks, we're here to have a good time," another white male surfer said with kind eyes and a jovial expression.

"Let's go, Don," a female surfer said grabbing his arm.

Sabine recognized the woman. Stephanie Zhang, a Hawaiian surfer that was doing well on the circuit. Her slick black hair hung to her shoulders and her eyes looked pissed at Belmira. Don glanced around at the other surfers and walked off with Stephanie.

The mood soured for Sabine. Belmira's face looked like it was ready to fight everyone.

"Let's go eat and relax by the pool," Sabine suggested.

"Yeah. We need to get ready to whoop some ass tomorrow."

Sabine drove them back to the hotel and they left their boards in her car in the protected hotel parking area. They showered and dressed in cute babydoll dresses and walked to a Denny's restaurant that was close by. They ate and scrolled on their phones. Sabine checked Delta Airlines for cheaper flights to France and North Carolina for two more qualifying series events in August while Belmira wore her earbuds and checked for surf reports.

"Sugar, look at this…your personal sponsor is talking about you!"

Sabine was tucking into a turkey burger as Belmira shoved her cell phone under her nose. A popular online surf show had a Zoom chat with Erik. Belmira rewound it and put it on speakerphone.

The moment she heard his voice, Sabine felt her body shiver. It was an early morning interview and Erik's voice was gravelly and a little deeper than normal. He was sitting out on his bedroom balcony with the view of the ocean. Seeing that space made her clit thump and she wiggled in her seat.

There was the usual surf chatter and Sabine didn't mind because she was so caught up in Erik's face. He looked so relaxed. Reconnecting with Deuce must've been great for him. He laughed a lot with the interviewer.

"Everyone is excited that you'll be making an appearance at the Vans U.S. Open…"

Sabine's mouth fell open.

"You didn't know he was competing?"

"I was focused on the women."

"He's going to be there…wait here it is…listen…"

The male interviewer turned to their co-interviewer, an old school longboarder who judged many U.S. surf competitions.

"You've seen a lot of up-and-comers over the years Killmonger. Any newbies on your radar?"

"France has some great new talent, Katriane Varte, Etienne Sadoul. I've been peeping Japan's Takuya Mifune, he's dynamic on the water. Australia always has the hotness. Brazil has Fernanda Golias and her brother Paulo—"

"A lot of international names. Any homegrown talents in the U.S.?"

"Jack Hanks is good, I'm curious to see how he does in Huntington Beach. Hawaii's Zoe Cassell is doing very well—"

"Vans now sponsors her and she's really showing the world what she can do—"

"No doubt."

"Anyone else?"

Erik paused for a moment.

"Sugar Bennett from San Diego."

Sabine caught her breath.

"The former Junior Champion," the older interviewer said.

"Yeah. She's one to really watch. I've been mentoring her a bit and she'll be out here doing her thing full time now."

"Surfing is about to become an official part of the Olympics. Would you say she and the others you have named from the U.S. could become the inaugural representatives for us?"

"I think so."

Belmira squeezed Sabine's arm.

"Sugar! Killmonger just endorsed you to the world!"

Sabine swallowed nervously. The pressure was on now.

"I have to crush it tomorrow," she said.

"We both do."

They ate in silence then walked back to the hotel arm in arm making travel plans together for France.

"Eyes will be on you tomorrow. Killmonger has set you up for sponsors to take a good look at you…what's wrong?"

"A part of me is happy he said what he said…but…"

"You're worried about disappointing him?"

"Yeah."

Belmira stopped walking once they reached the hotel lobby. She put her hands on Sabine's shoulders.

"This is your life now. Every time you step onto a beach the world will be watching you. Judging you. Killmonger handed you his name to help you stand out. Be yourself out there and it will all be fine. Sponsors will be knocking on your door. Watch."

They took the elevator to Belmira's room and Sabine felt butterflies, marbles, and pop rocks all in her stomach.

###

Sabine focused her eyes on the flags flying in the distance as she floated on her board in the third heat of the day. Two other women floated there with her. One of them was Stephanie Zhang. They had thirty-five minutes to surf the best waves they could catch. Sabine received great scores, her last two turns on the waves earned her an 8.5 and a 9. She was leading the other two women who were catching abysmal waves. She had to make sure her highest combined two-wave heat total stayed higher than the other two.

The one female surfer from New Jersey who surfed with them, Gretchen, was easily intimidated by Stephanie. Sabine didn't pay much attention to Gretchen because her judgment of the waves she caught was poor. Stephanie, on the other hand, was a pain in the ass. Sabine was a shark, but Stephanie was an octopus who oozed fake compliments to Gretchen. She'd stroke people with one tentacle as if she were a friendly comrade, but seven other arms would reach up from the deep to strangle her competition. That shit didn't work with Sabine who cut eyes at Stephanie and took every opportunity to aggressively snatch the waves Stephanie dropped away from out of indecision.

There was no limit to the number of waves they each could take in that thirty-five minutes, only the two best scores were counted, so Sabine tried to take all the exceptional waves she found. The swells were good and the waves were jacking up to six feet, so she was able to finesse her scores by doing maneuvers that would garner higher scores from the judges with the higher degree of difficulty and innovative moves she could muster. Speed was her forte, so she did her best to use a combination of moves each ride to garner the highest scores from the judges as much as possible. It seemed to be working.

Doing her research on the judges, she knew one of them was a fan of tricks, so she waited for another high wave to roll in so she could do a Superman aerial. Glancing behind herself, she saw the perfect wave coming through. Gretchen had already gone and received a 6.8. Stephanie took off and Sabine waited to see what she would do since she had priority at that moment. Stephanie's hand slipped and she looked like she was pulling back to go in another direction so Sabine took off and dropped in her place.

She was going on her forehand and went down the line of the five-foot wave doing a slight bottom turn. She didn't go too steep. Kicking her board up, she let the wind catch it and projected her board toward the beach as she let her feet drop away from it. Grabbing the rails with her hands, she lifted the board high in the air as she found the perfect landing spot back onto the trough. Planting her feet on the board once more, she landed perfectly and ended with a sweet 360 before kicking out and returning to the line-up.

Stephanie was red in the face and Gretchen gave her a thumbs up.

"That was interference! You were snaking me!" Stephanie screamed at her.

Sabine saw an interference flag waved.

"Fuck!" Sabine shouted.

She knew that ride was a high score for sure, but now she would only get to use one of her highest scores instead of her two best. Sabine had hoped the judges would count Stephanie's pullback as taking her turn but squandering it. They didn't. A miscalculation on Sabine's part. She lost her priority position.

"Amateur," Stephanie spat.

"I'ma still blow you out of the water," Sabine quipped paddling further into the ocean. There were seven minutes left for the heat. She had to make something happen.

When it was her turn to charge next, Sabine had a fast bottom turn to the left of the wave and carved on that bitch. She put all her weight on the rails and buried the left side of her board in the water drawing a nice arc that kept her in the curl. A white spray of water splashed on her as she twisted back fast in the opposite direction. She clenched her fist knowing she would beat her high score with that ride. Sabine made sure to keep her eye on the color-coded priority board just to be safe.

Gretchen had priority next and fell off of her board when she miscalculated her drop in speed.

A nice glassy wave appeared. There were only twenty seconds left. Anyone could take the next ride.

Sabine went for it. Stephanie did too.

They stood at the same time on two separate peaks, but then the peaks swept toward one another trying to meet. Sabine felt she had the right of way and Stephanie refused to move out of her path. Sabine refused to fall back. The swiped past each other and Sabine hit Stephanie with her shoulder out of frustration and Stephanie jerked her shoulder back into her.

The heat was over.

She and Stephanie received a double interference call on a non-priority ride. Sabine was given zero points and disqualified from the heat because it was her second interference call. Stephanie's second scoring wave would be cut in half.

Sabine cussed Stephanie out as they left the water and Stephanie got a little too close to her arm and Sabine was ready to punch her.

Belmira ran up to pull Sabine away as surf officials stepped forward.

"She has to leave the competition area immediately."

The head judge, a ruddy-faced man in his fifties, stood huffing and puffing in front of them. Sabine stormed off with her board. That was part of the rules. When she glanced at the final scores on the scoreboard as she walked past, Gretchen had squeaked past both Stephanie and Sabine with her best scores that were lower than every score Sabine and Stephanie had received.

###

A woman from Florida won the Nissan Super Girl Pro. Belmira placed third.

Sabine sat with Belmira in a local bar filled with many of the competitors. Knocking back shots of Tequila and pomegranate martinis, they commiserated over the last two days of events.

"What's fucked up though is that I was killing it…bitch my Superman was fucking icy out there. Bitch, Christopher Reeves would've come back to give me some dap for that shit," Sabine complained.

Belmira's eyes were red and her words slurred as much as Sabine's. They weren't quite sloppy drunk, but really loose and easy.

"Killmonger left me two voicemails and I can't even listen to them," Sabine lamented.

She wiped the condensation on her fresh martini glass and stared at Belmira with wounded eyes.

"Call him. He can give you some advice on how to save face," Belmira suggested.

Sabine took out her phone and erased both messages from him.

She spoke to her parents earlier and explained her side of the ruling, and her mother told her not to let other people get her down. Papi was disappointed but they were proud of her performance and gave her tips on how to use more daring moves on the water. It felt good to talk to them.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

Belmira had Sabine's phone in her hand and she swiped a number.

"I'm calling him for you," Belmira said.

"Shit!"

Sabine grabbed her phone back and swiped to end the call.

"Now he's going to see my number on his phone!" she whined.

"So?"

"You make me sick."

"Stephanie makes me sick," Belmira grumbled, "oh, speak of the devil."

Sabine glanced in the direction that Belmira was looking in. Stephanie and her dick boyfriend Crampton were seated in a booth with two other men near the exit. Sabine's phone lit up. A picture of Erik that Sabine took of him at Black's Beach filled the cell screen.

"Answer it! Belmira squealed.

"No!"

"Answer your phone!"

Sabine closed her eyes and picked it up.

"Sugar."

"Yeah?"

"Why you sound like that?"

"I know you saw what happened and I'm sorry."

Belmira's face was shiny with excitement. She kept making goofy faces at Sabine.

"What did you learn?"

His voice sounded playful.

"You're not upset with me?"

"For what?"

"I was disqualified. You were online talking about I was a surfer to watch and I got kicked off the beach."

"You think I haven't been where you are?"

"This could hurt your reputation."

"You did really good out there. You might've been in the top three had you advanced to the semi-finals."

"But you said good things about me and I was dinged for unsportsmanlike behavior."

"Learn from it. Move on."

"It was cool what you said…about me. Thanks."

"It was true. Focus on next weekend."

"I get to see you then. I didn't know you were competing."

"My picture is on the website line-up."

"I must've missed it."

"I miss you."

Sabine pressed her lips together and turned away from Belmira.

"I can stay cool but still miss you, Sugar."

She closed her eyes. The thumping of the bar music vibrated around her as the martini warmed up her blood.

"Is Deuce okay? You two work it out?"

"He's better. We're still working through it, but he's staying with me this week before I head up to Huntington Beach."

"Good. Is Marina well?"

"She is. They're both downstairs asleep."

He was in his bedroom. Probably laying on that big comfortable bed. Sitting at the bar Sabine could remember the smell of the ocean breezes flowing through his room.

"I'm here with Belmira at a bar and it's really loud. We're about to leave. I'll see you next week…"

Sabine turned toward Belmira's seat but she was gone. Her eyes darted around looking for her until she heard a commotion at the entrance.

"Bye, Erik," she said hanging up.

Stuffing her phone in her purse, she ran over to Belmira who was arguing with Stephanie and Crampton.

"…they were wrong! You gave up that wave, but she was already going in a different direction. You would've still had priority—"

"Fuck her and fuck you!" Stephanie shouted.

"Let's go," Sabine said grabbing Belmira's hand.

"I forgot my purse."

"Where is it?"

"I left it hooked on my seat."

Sabine and Belmira eased through the crowded bar back to their seats. Two women snagged their vacant stools.

"Just getting her purse," Sabine said.

Belmira took a minute to unhook her purse in her inebriated state.

"Got it!" she said waving her purse around.

Crampton and Stephanie approached the bar.

Belmira tried to ignore the two, but Crampton blocked her path. Stephanie had her arms crossed glaring at them both.

"I'm not wasting any more breath on you shitty people," Belmira said.

She shoved past them but Crampton grabbed her by the back of her hair and swung her into Stephanie who stumbled into a barstool and fell. Sabine grabbed onto Crampton's hands to get them off of Belmira as her Doc Martens stepped on Stephanie who fumbled around on the floor screaming. Belmira got loose and started windmilling Crampton while Sabine kicked him in the legs knocking him over on top of Stephanie.

A bouncer lifted Sabine up and carried her outside the bar as another bartender dragged Belmira out by her arm. Adrenaline ran all through her and she squirmed in the bouncer's arms trying to run back into the bar and whoop ass properly.

"Let go of me!" Belmira shouted.

Crampton and Stephanie limped out of the bar with their friends and the chaotic scene made Sabine's head hurt.

She continued flailing in the bouncer's arms until the cops arrived, handcuffed them both, and carted them off to jail.