It's the fourth of July weekend and I'd like to declare my Independence. I'm ready to be free from my Mother. Unfortunately, she's going to be here in less than five minutes.
Who's bright idea was this? Oh right. Mine.
Objectively, I understand what Matt and Helen were trying to do at the game last night. They were showing me that they have my back. They come from a culture where family does that. But it's not how I was raised. And chances are they did as much harm as good between me and my Mom.
They might actually have made progress with my Dad. He gave me a long hug before they went back to the hotel, and thanked me for letting them be part of our world.
If nothing goes wrong the rest of this weekend, maybe that attitude will rub off onto Mom a bit. I can only hope. That's probably why I had this cockamamie idea to let them babysit.
The look on Josh's face was priceless when I suggested it. It's a true testament to his emotional growth that he swallowed down his objection and heard me out.
Lulu's two and a half and we basically never let them babysit. It's occurred to me that at the same time we are asking for their trust and faith in our marriage, we are denying them our trust and faith to keep our daughter safe for an hour. My Mom knows that Sylvia has watched Lulu many times, while she's been mostly denied the opportunity. It really irritates her. She's right. It really isn't fair.
Letting her spend a week with them is still out of the question, but we can give them a little bit of time this morning.
Conor has his special tour at Georgetown. Josh made the mistake of mentioning in front of my Mom that he'd like to go too. She was quick to volunteer to watch Lulu so we could both go, pointing out that there is no good reason to take a toddler with us.
I hate to say it, but Mom's right. I don't mind Josh joining us, but I have no intention of taking Lulu. Thus, this plan to have my parents watch Lulu here while we're gone.
I'll admit, even while I was explaining it to Josh, I was half hoping he'd veto the idea. But he just took a deep cleansing breath, rolled his japamala beads on his wrist, and said it was a good plan.
So why is my stomach in knots? My parents have watched the other grandkids lots of times, And it's not like we are leaving them completely alone, anyway. Chip won't let anything happen to Lulu.
. . . .
"Donna!" Professor Brown greets me like a long lost sister. Maybe to an extent we are, women in politics. It's still not a very big club. "It's so good to see you. In person, that is, I see you all the time in the news. The First Lady is making a lot more appearances, isn't she?"
When Cynthia pauses for a breath I return her greeting. "Cynthia. It's good to see you too. Thanks for coming in on a holiday weekend. This is my nephew, Conor Moss."
"Oh Conor, it's so nice to meet you. We're very glad you've decided to become part of the Georgetown family."
"Thank you, ma'am." Conor responds quietly.
"None of that. Please call me Cynthia. All my students do. You'll be one of my students, right? You're planning on studying political science? I bet you get that from your Aunt."
"Yes. . . and my Uncle." Conor answers glancing over at Josh, who has been slightly amused by Cynthia's exuberance, but now is puffed up with pride at Conor's admission.
"Oh. Did you go to Georgetown, Mr. Lyman?"
Josh looks surprised that Cynthia doesn't know his history, then replies a bit smugly. "No, I went to Harvard. And Yale."
"Ah, well . . ." Cynthia responds dismissively, and I have to stifle a giggle. Most people are impressed by Josh's pedigree. But this is Hoya country. "Let's get started, shall we?"
For a holiday weekend, it's a nice tour. Cynthia has keys to the political science building and is able to show Conor the lecture halls and classrooms. Conor asks some really good questions about the curriculum involved in the different majors. He's clearly done his homework on what the school has to offer and is looking for an insider's perspective.
The library is open and Conor is duly impressed. I'll admit, it's one of my favorite places on campus too.
When the tour is over we take a few extra minutes walk around campus and I'm able to show him some of the hidden gems. I really do love this place. I'm proud to be an alum.
Conor's grin is a mile wide and his eyes are shining the whole time. I'm relieved that he's so excited about the campus. I had wondered if his decision was based too much on his desire to come to DC because he admires Josh so much, but it seems clear that this is where he really wants to be.
I'm looking forward to having him nearby.
. . . . .
"Can we go to the Museum of American History now?" Carly implores Josh as soon as we walk in the door.
"I don't know . . ." he stalls, looking at me for help. He's still not very good at saying no to the girls in his life.
"Please," she begs Josh.
"We're going this afternoon, after Lulu and Kate's nap time." I remind Carly that we already have a plan. "Uncle Finn and Aunt Julie will be here soon. We're going to Dumbarton Oaks for a little bit, then we'll stop at Pizzeria Paradiso for lunch."
Carly huffs a little but doesn't say anything, flopping down on the couch. I wonder if this has anything to do with Peter joining us at the Museum? Teenagers.
. . . . . .
"This is really beautiful." Mom says as we are walking through the gardens at Dumbarton Oaks.
"It's one of my favorite places."
"I can see why you like it." She pauses for a moment, "When we're here, visiting you. I can see why you like this city so much. It's just like you- eager, brimming full of ideas, almost too much to take sometimes."
I bristle a bit. This is just like her, even her praise stings a little.
"Thanks for letting me watch Lulu this morning. It really meant a lot to me." That surprises me. While I suspected that it was a big deal, I didn't expect her to acknowledge it.
"She was good for you?"
"Yes. We played with the dollhouse most of the time. Man, your daughter can talk!"
"She takes after her father."
At that, Mom burst out laughing. "Oh Donna! You were just like her."
"Really?"
"Yes. You could talk like nobody's business. A lot of my friends said that the youngest is the quietest, but not you. You were always in the thick of it, asking a million questions. Wanting to be included."
"I guess I drove everyone crazy."
"No, Donna. Your siblings adored you."
I can't help but roll my eyes. That's not how I remember it. Mom laughs again.
"Okay, maybe not when you were in Junior High and Bella was in High School. She had her own agenda and it didn't include a tag-along little sister."
"She used to call me Donna-tattle-tella!"
"Well, you were a good source of information." Mom quickly retorts.
"You don't know the half of it." I tell her smugly. She thinks I'm the black sheep, but her other kids weren't perfect either.
Her eyes flash a minute and I wonder if I've ruined a nice moment. But it passes. "I'm sure. And I'd rather just stay in the dark, thank you." She tells me righteously.
We walk in silence for a few moments, watching Josh talking animatedly with Finn and Julie while keeping an eye on the kids who are all skipping along with Dad.
Mom breaks the quiet again. "I feel bad that we don't get to spend as much time with Lulu as the other grandkids. And it's easier to blame that on this place, or Josh, than to admit that you probably just don't want us to."
Well. That was more direct that she usually is. I wonder if this is the result of all the Presidential pressure. And dang it, she's right again. I don't want to spend more time with them than we already do. I've built a new life for myself. And I like it. But I have to be careful with how I say that.
"I know you don't understand. These jobs, they aren't for everyone. But it's like a calling. I've always felt it. I want to do something bigger than me. I want to be part of changing the world. And part of the price for that is less free time."
"That's not the only price you're paying." Mom points out, gesturing to the secret service agents nearby.
"No, it's not. And I don't think you'll ever understand, and I'm sorry for that." I tell her honestly. I'm not sorry for my choices, but I do wish we could have a better relationship.
"Me too."
And that's probably all the apology I'll get for the cutting remarks and disapproval. Truth is, I don't think she says them to be mean. She just doesn't really ever consider whether or not she's hurt someone's feelings.
Josh glances back at me, checking to see if I'm okay with my Mom. It's kind of sad that he's worried about that. But I'm okay.
. . . . .
"My turn!" Kate announces pushing Lulu to the side so she can captain the ship in the middle of Wegman's Wonderplace.
"Kate! Play nice." Julie instructs her. "No pushing." Then she turns to me. "Don't believe them- it's not the terrible twos. It's the terrible threes."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I'm not sure whether preschool hurts or helps. We got great reports for how well behaved Kate was all year and now all of a sudden we are home for the summer and she's constantly pushing the limits."
"Literally." I respond as Kate gives Lulu another little shove. It's not hard, and it's really no big deal, but Lulu bursts into tears.
Chip starts forward, but Mom beats him to Lulu and scoops her up, taking her over to the kitchen to distract her, while Julie gives Kate a quick talking to. Then Julie takes Kate over to the kitchen to apologize.
"Sowwy." Kate tells Lulu in a serious voice that makes me want to say "awww." Luckily, Lulu has already forgiven Kate and wraps her up in a big hug before handing her a wooden spoon to stir with. It would be nice if the rest of the world could handle our disagreements so easily.
It's quite wonderful to see my Mom playing with both girls. She has them gather wooden food to make fake Italian Wedding Soup. I think she feels comfortable in the pretend kitchen. And that's fine. I'm glad she's found her place in the world. I just hope she'll come to accept that it's not necessarily my place, or my daughter's place.
After everything is in the pot and each girl gives it a stir, they are ready to move on. Lulu wanders over to the wall that has all sorts of knobs and switches and locks and begins turning, and knocking, and flipping things, while Kate goes over towards the chicken coop.
When Lulu climbs the stairs to the miniature clock tower, Chip moves from his spot so he can keep a visual on her.
"That really is kind of eerie." Julie comments as we watch him visibly relax when Lulu comes down the slide in one piece. "A built in babysitter, with a glock."
"You get used to it. But he's not really a babysitter."
"Still it must give you some piece of mind?"
"Yes. I mean, I'd rather not need them at all. At the beginning I really thought about turning down the detail altogether. But given some of the letters we get, I've come to see the benefits."
"Are you still getting them?"
"Every once in a while. But the fervor seems to have died down. The Tabloids have moved on to other fake stories."
"I always look at the covers in the supermarket, but I never buy them."
"Yeah, I used to do that. But I don't anymore. If there's something I need to know someone from communications will tell me."
"Are you worried about being out in public? That someone will take Lulu's picture?"
"I'm not worried about it right now since there aren't any reporters around. Most normal people don't really recognize us. And the people that do, don't really care that much. Josh's fan club has pretty much given up on him."
"His what?" Julie looks confused.
"You can't tell my Mom about this, okay?"
"Okay."
"There's a website. . It's Josh's groupies. It was really active during Bartlet's first term, people posted on it all the time. But it's died way down, just a few regulars and they really do talk more about politics and positions than Josh these days."
"What did they talk about before?"
"What he wore, where he was spotted, who he was dating."
"You're kidding!"
"No. It's pretty funny. You can still see some of the older posts if you go on it. But seriously don't tell my Mom. I know he tries to act like he doesn't care but it bothers him that she thinks he could have cheated on me. And her knowing about the website isn't going to help."
"I don't think she still thinks that."
"I don't know."
"Seriously. Sean told Finn that your Mom told Bella to knock it off. Josh is family."
"Well, I'm glad to hear that. I know that everyone thinks that I'm a terrible judge of character, but I learned my lesson. I didn't make the same mistake twice."
"Honestly, Donna, we don't think that. It's pretty obvious to anyone with eyes that Josh is completely devoted to you. Bella's just jealous. You have a glamorous life and an amazing husband and daughter."
"Her kids are great too. And Bob's a really good guy."
"I know. And she's happy with her life. But you know how competitive she is. . . . she just doesn't like playing second fiddle."
"Yeah. I mean, she's my sister, and I love her, but I'm glad that we live a thousand miles apart."
"You and me both."
"I wouldn't mind living closer to you and Finn though."
"Maybe when this is over you can move to Green Bay."
"Well, hopefully we won't have to think about it for four more years."
"You know President Santos has our votes. But do you think about it at all? The what-if?"
"Not really. I mean, the Brownstone is paid for, and there would always be work for us in DC. And I think I'd like to go to law school. But I don't know if we'd want to stay here if there was a Republican Administration."
"Marquette University has a law school."
"Can you really picture Josh up in Green Bay?"
Julie laughs at the thought. "No. I guess not. But he'd follow you wherever you wanted to go."
"I know. But our life is here. You know, we've got schools down here. You and Finn could get teaching jobs nearby. There's a huge shortage."
"Our life is up there." Julie answers softly.
"I know." I guess that's the only problem with independence. Sometimes you miss out on being with the people you love