Chapter 17: Feelings and Dealings

What do you wear to a date that's not a date except when it is kind of a date? That was the question that now plagued Mina. If she tried her best to look good, then it would probably be obvious she was thinking it was more than it was, and she would just make a fool of herself. But if she didn't make any effort then wouldn't that be the same as saying he didn't deserve her trying at least a little bit? For all her longing for something romantic to happen, she was so unprepared to be dealing with all this herself!

She was running out of time; she just had to go for it. She groaned at her lack of preparedness one last time before grabbing a crop top and shorts. She preferred her off-shoulder shirts but that was what she always wore so it just wouldn't look like she was making effort. Still, looking at herself in the crop top she couldn't help but think it really did make it look like she thought it was a date. Maybe she should change again. Her phone buzzed. She felt that pang of heat when you had been caught out.

She flipped open the phone and saw it was from Izuku, he was waiting downstairs for her.

Of course, he was. Meanwhile she was up here looking ridiculous and now didn't have enough time to do anything about it. It would take too long to change and what exactly would she change into anyway?

A thought occurred. She didn't have time to change out of it and find something else, but she did always have that backup. She'd bought it on a whim with an off the wall scenario in mind. This was that off the wall scenario. She desperately searched through her collection before, at last, she found it. She snatched it up and headed out. She wasn't sure what she really thought of checkered t-shirts on girls. It was sort of an American thing after all. Still, Izuku would be okay with that? Right? I mean his idol was basically the most American being on the planet as far as she was concerned.

As she bounced down the final set of stairs, she saw him standing there, in a short sleeve dark green shirt and black cargo pants. She smiled as she thought to herself that this too was certainly a step up from his usual t-shirts. Clearly this wasn't 'nothing' to him either, it was at least comforting to see a sign that she hadn't been the only one thinking that.

He turned on hearing her and smiled as he saw her.

"Hey" he greeted with a wave.

"Hey back" she grinned "So, what's the plan then?" she asked excitedly leaning in toward him. He leaned nervously away slightly.

"Well, I figured we'd head into the city and then… well I have a few ideas in mind" he turned away slightly and scratched a cheek, averting his eyes. Mina beamed, delighted to hear he already had a plan.

"I see, then I will leave it to you then, shall we?" she suggested pointing toward the door, eager to get going.

"Yeah" Midoriya nodded and the pair headed out of U.A. and toward the bus stop that would take them directly into the city.

As they stood waiting for the bus Midoriya couldn't help but keep glancing at Mina as she leaned against the wall of the bus stop. Now that he was alone with her, he couldn't help but suddenly be aware of her femininity. He hadn't seen her in an outfit like the one she was wearing, that simultaneously revealed and concealed while still highlighting other physical features. He turned in embarrassment as he realised what he was doing. He needed to get a grip, he mentally scolded himself. They were out for her sake not for him to behave so inappropriately. Mineta sitting behind him might be starting to affect him in ways that scared him. As he tried to turn his mind onto the ideas he had for their afternoon, he couldn't help but think one last thing on the topic. If you were talking about… appeal, her hero outfit was as much or more so than this. Yet he'd never once seen her like that throughout their entire time training together. What was the deal with that while now, suddenly, it was a thought he was struggling to push out of his mind?

Meanwhile Mina was in her own state of private panic as Midoriya was not half as subtle as he thought her was. She wasn't sure precisely what or where he was looking but she got the idea it was because of her choice in clothing. Was it too much? She had been so absorbed in what was making enough of an effort in style she hadn't considered the other side of appeal clothing potentially had. Was he looking because it was tasteless or because it was nice? Should she button up the shirt she had on over? Or would that make it obvious she knew? He turned away, his cheeks slightly pinkened.

Seeing his reaction, she smiled to herself as she realised how Izuku-like that response was. After all, if it was that bad, he would have reacted as soon as he saw her. He was too earnest for anything else. Maybe it was just now that they were off the campus and heading out together that he was paying more attention, so it was now that he was getting nervous. That sounded like him.

The bus pulled up and they got on. Midoriya insisted on her first so as they hopped on, she got the choose their choice of seats. The bus was mostly empty, so she went halfway down the bus and sat down by the window. As she sat, she saw him hesitating. She grabbed his hand as he made to grip the rail on the back of the seat in front of her and pulled him into the seat next to her.

"Not going to make me sit all alone are you?" she teased.

"N-no, of course not" he stammered "Just wasn't sure if…" he trailed off.

"Don't be silly. I came out with you, so obviously I want to be with you" she stuck a tongue out as she gave him a cheeky wink. He responded by laughing nervously. Wasn't he acting all shy again?

Still, she felt more than a little nervous herself. While the idea of being out like this with Izuku was enough to make her nervous that wouldn't normally cause her to hesitate to chat away with him. What was really causing her to second guess everything was the pseudo-date they were on. She was annoying herself by constantly thinking of it instead of just being in the moment. No one said date after all! But come on…

"S-so, I thought we could check some places out then eat" Midoriya began, snapping Mina out of her thoughts "B-but, well I guess things ended up being pretty abrupt after your exam, have you eaten anything today?"

"Oh, come to think of it, no, I guess not" Mina considered, realising she had been far too worked up this morning to eat breakfast and Izuku had caught her before she had gotten back to the dorms.

"Then I guess we can start with that and work our way from there?" he suggested

"Sounds good to me" she agreed, smiling. "Did you have a place in mind already or are we finding somewhere?" She inquired as she tried to think if she'd noticed any place that stood out the last time they were at the mall, when they came with the whole class.

"Actually, I did notice a place before I thought might be okay. Shall we check it out and if it's no good we can look around?" he offered, clearly not confident that his choice would be ideal.

"If Izuku thought it looked good then I'm looking forward to it" she bubbled as she tried to contain her excitement. She turned to look out the window in an effort not to feel too overwhelmed by just how fast everything seemed to be moving.

She had eaten a dozen meals with him, many of which alone together in the dorms and yet, despite that, this felt like some exotic new experience. It was one of those things she loved watching on her shows, she longed to watch unfold between her classmates but had never imagined it happening to her. For the longest time there just wasn't anyone she could envision being someone she really wanted to be the one sitting across from her, by the time there was things had escalated with Ochaco and she'd been actively trying to bury all such thoughts.

"It's our stop" Midoriya alerted her with a gentle tap on her shoulder. She nodded and stood, following him out of the bus, promising herself to stay out of her own head for the whole… not-date.

"It's just down this way" Midoriya pointing as they set off down a quieter road that didn't lead toward the main shopping districts.

As they came to it, it looked to Mina like one of those 'hole in the wall' type places as it appeared to be just a door nestled in between a convenience store and some sort of precious stone shop. As they stepped inside it led up some stairs and opened out into the whole first floor of the building which contained the other two stores. It was a yakiniku restaurant. She liked BBQ, though wasn't exactly her favourite but more importantly she had never been to one of these before and always thought it looked fun. They agreed to eat here and were shortly sat down, on opposite sides of the goal grill table.

"Have to admit I would never have guessed this was the kind of place you had in mind" she commented as she looked around. It had a modern rustic look, it wasn't brilliantly lit, instead the brightest lights coming from the lights hanging just above each table. It gave the feeling of each table being your own private little world.

"Well, I just happened by recently and thought it looked like a place we could check out one time" he admitted, pleased she seemed to be happy with the choice.

"We could check out one time?" Mina smiled to herself as her she felt that all too familiar feeling of her cheeks lighting up like the coals in the table.

"Good find" was all she said out loud with a thumbs up. She picked up the menu and leafed through it. After scanning for a few pages, she set it back down.

"What are you getting?" she asked curiously. Izuku lowered his own menu and sighed.

"To tell the truth I'm not too sure, I've actually never been to one of these myself either, I'm not sure what I'd like. What about you?"

"Same, so let's get one of the selections so we can pick and choose a bit" she grinned "That way next time we know what we like!"

"Yeah, okay, let's do that" Midoriya agreed with a nod.

"So, what's the plan after this?" Mina pressed eagerly, setting her menu back in its place.

"Isn't that kind of a spoiler?" Midoriya replied doubtfully.

"Well, yeah, but I kinda want to know anyway!" Mina admitted with a wink.

"Hmm, well then" he looked around and leaned in. Mina's curiosity surged, she too checked around for, she wasn't sure what, and leaned in "You'll have to wait and see" he teased in a whisper and with grin. Mina breathed out a shocked laugh, her mouth popping open in an amused shock.

"Oh, it's like that?" she huffed through her restraining her laughter. He didn't tease her often but when he did, she knew that he was ready to really play.

"It's like that" he nodded, averting his eyes in embarrassment. Mina sat back in her chair and feign an unimpressed look, which didn't really take as she couldn't stop smiling as she barely suppressed her chuckles.

"Alright then, this is kind of a declaration of war though" she stated as though such a thing might be written in stone somewhere.

"War?" Midoriya repeated, not loving the sound of that against such as veteran as Ashido Mina.

"You didn't have to tell me but teasing me like that…" she trained off, pressed her lips together as she raised her eyebrows and give a single shake of her head "Well, that's just raw provocation isn't it?"

"Er" Was the only noise Midoriya could make as he tried to think of a rebuttal, but he wasn't used to these types of exchanges just yet and they did not come naturally to him even a little bit so far.

Before he could formulate his defence, the waiter came over and took their food and drink orders. Luckily for Midoriya as it gave them a soft reset on their conversation and he hoped to use that to change to subject, hoping she wasn't too seriously.

"So, how are you doing?" he tried. Mina looked back at him and her smile resumed.

"What, is that supposed to distract me from how much I am going to get you back?" she threatened playfully.

"N-no, I just mean… what we were talking about before. With it all being too much without pause and stuff" He stammered, landing on an actual question he had intended on asking her without meaning too at that moment.

"Oh" she blinked, her smile fading as she considered "Yeah, I'm alright I think it's just been a mad couple of weeks." She played with the corner of the napkin on the table.

"It definitely has been, outside of the attacks it's been the most pressure yet in terms of schoolwork, I think" he admitted thinking of the weeks of training as well as the individualised exams each of them took. Mina turned her head to one side.

"I guess so"

"But?" Midoriya added. Mina seemed to consider if she wanted to speak at all and then let loose a sigh.

"But that's not really what the problem has been for me. It's kind of…" she tried to explain then pausing to think "It's kind of like I had this thing eating away at me. I thought I could control it, everything would be fine but then it felt like the dam walls cracked when we got into the exam. I wouldn't hold back against Bakugo and I think I can give him a fight but, what actually went down. That wasn't… me. It was some bad stuff in me coming out, I think" she chose her words carefully as she explained with her regrets and frustration evident in how she spoke.

"I tried to seal them away after, but they definitely resurfaced in the exam with Ochaco. Worst of all, I am kind of thankful that they did. Without that energy she would have beaten me easily." She continued; her tones increasingly more disheartened.

"I think until I deal with the source, get it out of my system it's going to continue to be a problem for me. I'm not used to carrying things like this, baggage, you know? I'm not used to be constantly thinking 'does feeling this way or doing this thing make me a bad person?' and yet lately that thought has been driving me crazy!" She vented. Midoriya sat listening to her intently, keeping his face neutral but nodding along as she finished each point.

"I think… It's kind of messing with me sense of me and what I am doing, what I am fighting for. Does that make any sense?" she finished as she searched his eyes for an answer.

"It makes complete sense" he confirmed. He wanted to ask what the source was, though if she hadn't volunteered it, he supposed it was just rude to ask. In any case he didn't need to know those details, she had already given enough for an answer to occur to him.

"Its sounds like this source is kind of poisoning your mind and repressing it has just been destructive. Is it something you can deal with head on?" he asked. Mina turned from his gaze a little and nodded without meeting his eye.

He wasn't sure what she was so embarrassed about all of a sudden but as her friend he would absolutely support her.

"Mina, you are one of the best people I know. Even among our class you really stand out to me as someone worthy of the title 'hero'. Whatever this thing is, it doesn't make you a bad person in any way." He tried his best to assure her. She gave him a small smile but it quickly faded.

"I'm not so sure. If you knew the detail-" she began

"I don't need to" he interjected. Mina snapped her eyes back toward him. He had that look on his face again. That look of absolute certainty was back.

"I know you." He stated simply "And that's enough for me to know; it doesn't make you a bad person, whatever it is"

"But what if-" she began anew but he shook his head, slowly but certainly, seeing this she trailed off.

"You would never do anything to hurt anyway intentionally. You have only ever show passion, fun and ambition to be what moves you. I don't believe, for a single instant, anything you could ever say would convince me that you are anything but an amazing person and friend." He declared, never taking her eyes off hers, even when she wasn't meeting his look. This was what had been bringing her down. Only she could defeat it and be rid of it, but he could help by showing her his unwavering belief in her, as a person. He couldn't budge an inch. He wouldn't.

"As for your sense of you and what exactly you are fighting for, I think those are questions only you can really answer." He tried to think of something he could add on top, that might help put some of the pieces together. She had told him about this before, or at least, why she wanted to be a hero. She had said she wanted to protect people from one another and had spoken about it a way that was more than just the physical. The problem with something that kind was how could you stop someone who wanted to hurt others without violence of any kind? Was that a part of what the problem was?

"To me you are this kind, brave and energetic person who always seems to put others ahead of yourself. Honestly, as your friend I just sometimes worry that you do it at the expense of yourself" he admitted, looking up to see her looking at him with a bewildered expression.

"You're the last person I want to hear that from though, Izuku. Didn't you nearly cause permanent damage to yourself at the sports festival to shake some sense into Todoroki, then ended up losing as a result?" she accused. Midoriya shrank back guilty.

"I'm not saying that a bad quality at all but, well it might be if you take it too far and end up hurting yourself like that" she added softly. She admired him greatly for exactly that sort of tenacity and hero-like tendencies, but it always worried her that he would go too far one day.

"But isn't that what you're describing yourself doing?" he countered. "It's not necessarily any better just because the pain you're inflicting on yourself isn't physical"

Mina couldn't find anything to say back. He was being a little hypocritical but that didn't mean he was wrong. She hadn't really thought of it like that before. Physical injuries were obviously not a good thing and anyone who kept doing that to themselves were due a scolding. He was right though; she had been dragging around baggage that was too heavy for her to carry and as a result it was hurting her too. Not just physically either, it had damaged her relationships and potentially her grades at school. Who knows in what other ways as well.

"So, just be rid of it" Midoriya spoke up, bringing her back down to him "Get out of your own way, and deal with it the way I know you really want to. If you want me to, I will stand by you as you deal with it"

She looked at him and wondered what he might say if she just dropped the truth on him now. Would he stand by her? She couldn't help but wonder at that. She would find out the answer soon enough.

"If I deal with it then it's going to involve my being very selfish you know? Can you still promise you'd stand by a person like that?" she asked timidly. Midoriya smiled at her and nodded.

"It's a promise." His smile broadened. "I have it on good authority that every once in awhile you need to live a little. I think that means that occasionally you need to do something just for yourself and not to beat yourself up for wanting it or doing it."

"Sound like good advice" She remarked lowering her head into her hand as she slumped forward a little. "Then, if I'm going to do it, I want you to promise it too"

"Me too?" he repeated

"Yeah, we're kinda the same like that right? So, if I have to do something just for myself then what would really make me feel better is if you did something too. I'll promise to stick by you if you like as well" She sat up, her nerves acting up but she push on. It was good advice. So good that she felt sure now she had just said it that he needed to do the same for once as well.

Midoriya looked back at her confused as to how it had come back to him abruptly. He could only assume that the idea had made her feel a certain way, guilty or self-conscious perhaps. Maybe that burden felt lessened if she didn't have to do it on her own?

"Yeah, okay then. Deal" he agreed with a nod.

"No feeling guilty, it has to be something you really want and to heck with everyone and everything else" she reminded him. He chuckled nervously, wondering what exactly he was getting himself into here, but it was for her and now, apparently, for himself too.

"That's the deal for both of us" he concurred.

Mina grinned across the table. It was exciting to see what he would do. It was exciting to get the push from him to just have out with it all. She could feel her heart beating in her chest. She became aware of everything in her vision, the wooden smell of the table along with the lingering scent of food, the faint music that emitted from speakers unknown in the ceiling somewhere. It was a moment it time she felt instinctively she would revisit in her memories over and over, because however her first love story ended up, this was the moment it really began.