CHAPTER 19 - Observations

L started seeing red as rage was taking over him. His head was aching, his belly was cramping, he felt dizzy and above all he was listening to excuses from Matsuda and KT, who obviously let BB escape and …. found in fact… nothing.

When Light cracked the code, L hoped KT might come up with something to track BB down.

But no….

The things the two of them found were only barrels with artificial blood, a mattress, some junk food and not a hint about where B could be moving next or where he could be leading them. So they were back at the beginning, left with only waiting as an option.

Light made bigger progress with the case while sitting on his ass in the office. L thought.

The rest of the task force seemed pretty satisfied with the progress though. They found BB's hideout, so they were apparently only a few steps behind him and now they understood his fucking code.

Of course they are satisfied... Because they don't know BB... He won't make the same mistake again! We have literally no chance to find him before he finishes his message. And that could take weeks!

L growled internally.

"Don't tell me, there really wasn't a thing? A book? A magazine? A train prospect? Some personal things?" L asked them again.

KT's face was calm, as carved into the stone, unreadable. But Matsuda gave her a nervous questioning look. She didn't look at him which was obviously a message clear enough for him not to say a thing.

What the fuck… L thought as he saw this non verbal communication.

"What are you not telling me?" he asked as calmly as he could.

KT rolled her eyes and let go of her mask:

"Fine… I didn't want to give you this here, because it's rather personal but… here you go."

She took out a piece of folded paper from her pocket and handed it to L.

He frowned and took it from her. He realized it was a photo, before he even unfolded it. But when he did, he felt like his world started spinning. It was one of their family photos. B was kissing his cheek while holding little Mello who was waving to the camera with a wide smile. L himself held Near. The boy was only three months old in the picture.

L remembered that occasion. It was his birthday. And it was KT who took the picture.

L frowned and folded the picture again before someone could see it.

"What is it Ryuzaki?" Light asked him.

"A photo… apparently." L said, irritated.

"Can we see?" Light asked.

"It's a personal one. It's not gonna help us with anything."

"Ryuzaki, it was found in the hideout of a murderer. It should be with the rest of the evidence." Yagami-san told him.

L rolled his eyes: "Fine. Take it."

He handed the photo to Light and went to sit down by his computer, ignoring the reactions of the task force, who were examining the photo. But he couldn't help but react to what Matsuda said:

"I think it's actually very romantic of him to keep a photo like that. It shows us a lot about his motivations."

L turned in his seat and his eyes were throwing daggers: "And what motivations actually were you able to read from B keeping a photo like this?"

Matsuda smiled, his eyes almost dreamy: "It is not just the photo… but also the fact that he is using artificial blood and not really killing anybody."

"And?"

Matsuda scratched the back of his head. Suddenly unsure, if he should say it or not.

L stood up and made a few steps closer: "I am waiting."

Matsuda shrugged and eyed the floor: "I think he simply wants you back, Ryuzaki. And those murders are his way to say he has changed."

The task force bursted laughing. Everyone except L, Light and KT.

L wanted to kill the man, Light as well. But KT bit her lower lip nervously.

"Excellent expertise, detective. I congratulate you." L started, heavily controlling his rage: "Again you proved that your deductive skills are so high above us all that we fail to understand your logic."

Matsuda heard the irony and literally felt like he was getting smaller and smaller.

KT rolled her eyes at L's behaviour: "Actually I think he has a point there."

L turned to face her and tilted his head: "What?!"

KT folded her hands on her chest: "Just take the facts… B didn't really kill any of those people. He even spoke to Mello but didn't kidnap him. And yesterday he had a chance to kill Matsuda-san but he only stunned him. Whatever he is doing he is obviously trying to make it without getting his hands dirty. If he hypothetically ever wanted to talk to you, apologize, or whatever... he has no way how to do it without getting back to jail. But he surely knows you will be watching murder cases..."

Light felt a hint of jealousy but covered it with a chuckle: "So you two are saying that this is Beyond Birthday's way to say: I am sorry baby, take me back?"

KT bit her lower lip: "Yeah… I know it sounds a little crazy but…"

L cut her off pointing his finger at her and Matsuda: "You two, will not be spending any more time together. Your IQ is dropping to the monkey level and I can't afford having two idiots around."

With that he headed to the exit: "I will be working from my room for the rest of the day. I am not feeling well. Someone please fill in these two about the progress Yagami-kun made."

Things went weird. No matter how hard Matsuda was trying to get to KT, he couldn't. She was avoiding him. The rest of the night they spent in the hotel in Osaka she was watching cameras she installed into the ruined house. She simply put on headphones, worked and ignored him. The morning after was the same. She only spoke necessary phrases to him and whenever he wanted to start on the last night topic, she cut him off with some work staff. She clearly wanted to put the almost kiss into the never happened zone. He understood that. He knew he shouldn't hold any hopes with her. She was simply out of his league.

But still… She stood up for me again today... She is so great… Matsuda was melting inside as he watched her working. He was standing by the coffee machine, sipping on his coffee, silently watching her beautiful profile. After a moment she stood up and left the room without a word. Matsuda let out a sigh and watched the door a whole minute after she left. In that moment Mogi came to him with a grin: "So… how did you do it?"

Matsuda gave him a confused look: "What do you mean Mogi-san?"

Mogi started preparing his coffee and turned to Aizawa, who was also very aware of the change in the woman who just left the room. They discussed it over a cigarette already. At that moment they were the only in the room. L did not return back to HQs and Light was at late lunch with his father. And because KT just stormed out the room, it was time for some man talk. Aizawa joined them by the coffee machine:

"Before you two left for Osaka she was pretty comfortable working with you. But now she is a nervous wreck around you. So… how did you manage?" Aizawa asked and folded his hands on his chest while exchanging a smirk with Mogi.

"Well... I might have… said some things... maybe?" Matsuda said, nervously while scratching the back of his head.

The two older men exchanged looks again. Mogi took a sip of his coffee: "What did you tell her?"

Matsuda shrugged: "Is it important?"

"Well it might be… because it could be a very useful instruction for other muggles like you to get a woman developing a crush on them." Aizawa said and Mogi laughed: "It could actually be a bestseller."

Matsuda was looking between the two of them and didn't understand much of what they were saying: "Whaaaat are you talking about guys? KT-san is clearly pretty mad at me about all that happened so…"

"Oh yes, and that's why she is avoiding any eye contact with you…" Aizawa said with irony, because the woman was clearly developing a crush on the office idiot and how that happened was beyond his reason.

"What do you mean by all that happened?" Mogi cut him off and made a step closer to the younger man.

There was a moment of silence, when Matsuda actually grinned into his coffee.

Aizawa closed his eyes and said slowly: "If you say that you managed to get her to sleep with you, I am giving up on this job and becoming Ryuzaki's personal baker."

"What?! NO! Nothing like that! I would never! Even when we shared a room together!"

Aizawa and Mogi shared a look again: "Now we are finally getting somewhere…" Mogi said.

"So you two shared a room and…..?" Aizawa took over.

"Nothing! Nothing happened I swear! We just talked a little, she told me a bit about her childhood and we almost kissed and then Misa called her and ruined the moment and now she is avoiding me…."

They both stared at him with wide eyes, mouths opened.

"You actually managed to talk her into the kiss?" Aizawa asked and Mogi shook his head: "No, he managed to listen to her into the kiss. Old trick, but a good one. Who would say Matsuda knows how to do this." Mogi said and patted the younger man's back.

Matsuda waved his hands in defense: "No guys, you got it all wrong! We didn't kiss! Nothing happened!"

Aizawa laughed and returned back to the computer: "No, but if Misa wouldn't call you would kiss. And that's… pretty much surprising."

Mogi did the same, his back to Aizawa, both again staring into their computers. Matsuda only watched them, completely oblivious.

"The surprising thing is, that he actually has a chance with her now." Mogi said to Aizawa, like Matsuda wasn't even there. Aizawa only chuckled.

"What are you guys talking about?" Matsuda asked, looking from one to the other. Mogi and Aizawa both turned on their chairs and shared another look. It was like internal debate if they should tell him, or not. They decided, they will:

"Allright listen to me…" Aizawa started and turned to face the younger man: "...you might actually have a chance to get her now. She is not avoiding you because she is mad at you… well she probably is, but it's because she likes you."

Matsuda was looking at him, like he was an alien from Mars. But Mogi nodded, giving confirmations.

"Hooow… how do you guys know that?" Matsuda stared at them, still not believing what he just heard.

Mogi smiled: "It's kinda simple. She is nervous around you, avoiding eye contact, she doesn't want to be near you because she is worried she might be developing feelings for you."

Matsuda opened and closed his mouth: "And you observed all this after being around her just a few hours today? That's unbelievable!"

Aizawa waved his hand in the air, dismissing younger man's enthusiasm:

"Nooo…. It's not just that. We have months of practise watching Ryuzaki trying to resist Light."

Matsuda's eyes went wide and his mouth almost hit the ground: "WHAAAAAAAT?!"

The actual problem is… they might be fucking right.

That's what was going through L's head all day. He hid in his room and laid in his bed the whole afternoon. He didn't have energy for anything else. So he was just thinking.

Seeing the family photo made him anxious. Back at home, there were still photos like that hanging on the walls and BB was smiling with his broad smile at every corner. That was actually one of the reasons L didn't come back home so much after B left. He just couldn't stand looking at his ex-lover. But he also couldn't bring himself to take off the photos, because he knew how important those were for Mello and even for Near, who practically didn't know his father. So the photos stayed and L stayed out of the house. Everything about that was wrong and he fucking knew that.

L didn't know what he was expecting really… that B was just trying to make another irresolvable case for him?

No… not this time.

B was obviously making things easy on purpose. First the style of the murders, then morse code. He was actually communicating with him from the beginning.

So now what? He will give me coordinates and expect me to show up for a talk or what?

L shifted on the bed and covered his head with a pillow.

Thats fucking crazy… he cant just mean all this as an apology… that's simply impossible.

L took the pillow from his head and hugged it tightly. Memories of LA were coming back to him:

B hated me… he hated me so much… he wanted me to apologize… So why would he do this? Why now?

L squeezed the pillow and curled into a fetal position. The truth was: he really wanted a chance to talk to B… at least one last time. He wanted to know where the things went so wrong… what he did so bad that B started hating him. He needed those answers. Because the questions were eating him alive for years…

L felt nausea building in his stomach and coming through him. He stood up fast and ran to the bathroom. He made it just in time not to throw up on the floor.

As he was staring into the toilet bowl, his only thought was:

No… not eating cheesecake anytime soon.

KT spent the whole afternoon catching up with Yagami-kun's discovery and tried to make a few more theories out of it. Not that she was very successful. Her mind was more occupied elsewhere. She was aware that she was acting stupid around Touta Matsuda. She knew she should just tell him to back off, crash his hopes and act like her normal laud herself but somehow… she couldn't bring herself to do it. So she just ignored him, hoping he will not be bright enough to realize the real reason… Not that she was ready to admit the real reason to herself.

The worst thing was the mentioned man himself. He was following her with lovesick eyes the whole day, trying to figure out how he should talk to her. KT was pretty nervous of it, because if he would really try to talk to her again, she would have to make a decision. And it would be nearly impossible while staring into those trustworthy chocolate eyes…

Oh my god shut up! She told herself, while she was pacing the corridor leading to L's room. She had to leave HQ a few minutes ago. Because Matsuda's staring was impossible to stand anymore. And she had a program for the night anyway.

She came to her brother's door and knocked.

When no answer came she knocked again.

Still nothing.

"Elie?" She asked and slowly opened the door. The room was empty, but the bed was obviously in use just a few moments ago. She stepped inside and after a moment she heard the sound of puking from the bathroom.

KT hurried to the bathroom and knocked on the door: "Hey bro, are you okay?"

There was a moment of silence, then flush of toilet and then the door opened.

L was green. Not white but literally green.

"Jesus Christ! Are you okay?" She asked and supported him as he started falling forward a little.

"I am fine..." he said with a weak voice leaning against her.

"Come, let's get you to bed." She said and helped him to move. When he was laying down, KT wrapped the blanket around him, just like when he was little.

"I'm okay, just stress." L told her, because he saw the worries in her eyes.

KT sat down next to L and pressed her palm against his forehead to check if he had a fewer: "Can I help you somehow?"

L shook his head: "No… there is nothing to worry about. It was the same after the LA case. It's gonna calm down by itself. I just need to sleep a little more and eat something else then sugar."

KT chucked: "That must be painful."

L nodded and shifted on the bed, to make her a little space. KT smiled at the silent invitation and laid down next to him. They were both lying on the side, looking at each other. KT couldn't help but remember the last time they were doing this. They were 12. It was the last night they shared a room at Wammy's. Then they separated them because of their gender and also because L was working late at night and KT couldn't sleep. Back then they were talking to each about cases, mysteries, nice guys and even about their original family. But that was years ago...

"So what really happened in Osaka?" L asked her.

KT shrugged: "Nothing… I screwed up… I heard shooting and I panicked. I thought B shot Matsuda. But thinking about it back it was pretty naive. It wouldn't fit B's style. I overreacted and let him flee."

L closed his eyes and let out a sigh: "That's my fault. I instructed the supervising agents not to intervene. And I sent you with the office idiot who makes everyone feel like they have to protect him."

KT shook her head and gave him a scolding look: "He is not that bad and you know it."

L took a pillow and hid his head under it, not saying a thing. KT smirked with amusement at that: "And he has a point with BB's motivations and you know it too. You just don't want to hear it."

"Can we not talk about it?" the muted voice behind the pillow asked.

KT took the pillow away from him and stuffed it under her head: "Okay… but you should apologize."

"See… protecting him again." L turned and laid on his back.

"L…"

"Fine… I'll apologize." He said, very reluctantly.

"Good boy..." KT said with a smirk in her voice.

"Shut up… makes me feel like a dog."

"Yeah… you like to sniff butts so it's not so inaccurate compari…" KT didn't finish because her face was hit by another pillow. She started laughing.

"Get out…" L growled but she knew he was laughing too.

"Yeah, I am going… I just need your credit card." she told him, while getting up from the bed.

"Left pocket of my coat…" L told her and then he frowned: "wait… why?"

"I am going on a coffee with Misa." she told him, while searching through his wallet.

L gave her stern look: "I think I pay you well enough. You should be able to pay for a coffee…"

KT smiled: "Just kidding. I am going on coffee with Misa and then to buy some presents for children in the orphanage. It's Christmas in two weeks and I think you want the kids to have something under the Christmas tree from their most favourite detective, don't you?"

"Christmas..." L started nodding and then stopped at the thought and his eyes widened: "Jesus what's the date?"

KT chucked again: "Calm down... It's just the 8th. Four more days to Mello's birthday…"

L closed his eyes and let out a sigh of relief: "Oh thank God…" but then he realized, he doesn't have any present… Neither the idea. He cleared his throat: "... do you have any ideas? About the present?"

KT folded her hands at her chest: "Yes, actually. Me and Watari were talking about a little party in "Mello style".

L raised his eyebrow: "Guns, leather and chocolate?"

KT chucked: "Almost… without leather, you forbid it until he is at least 15 if I remember it right…"

"Yeah… you remember it right." He said and remembered Mello's disturbing taste in clothing. His mind already crossed the idea of the boy being gay, but he dismissed it into a category "too soon".

KT moved to L again and pecked his cheek: "I gotta go now. Talk to you tomorrow alright? Relax and get better. No more work today!"

L silently nodded and KT walked to the door. But she stopped there and turned to L again: "We didn't even have an opportunity to celebrate our birthday this year. I had a great gift for you. But it stayed in my flat in New York."

L smiled at her genuinely: "You are here, spending more time with me then you normally would while celebrating our birthday. That's enough of a gift for me."

KT's smiled at him, her expression full of love. Confessions like this were not very common with L. And in those rare moments, she even felt younger than her brother.

"Allright, then you'll get your special gift for christmas. I'll send someone for it!" She said and left the room, in a much better mood.

L smirked to himself while thinking: Wait until you'll see your birthday gift...