EPISODE 21 – Killer Within – Part I
We finally meet the others again at the end of the day. The results of our little trip are so good, we can barely carry everything, and we're greeted with cries of awe.
The next few days are frustrating as fuck though.
It's impossible to get any privacy with our way of travelling. At least Maggie and Glenn allow themselves to openly show affection. That's not something Daryl would ever be willing to do. In front of the others, we act as if nothing has changed.
I find the courage, nonetheless, to ask Maggie for a couple of condoms. Just in case opportunity arises. This time, I shall be ready. She throws me the most amused and knowing look I've ever seen. I shrug: "I'm not taking any chances."
"I know." With each passing day, Rick and Lori's worry becomes more palpable. Giving birth is hard enough, but in these conditions? Without even thinking yet of the tiny issue of actually raising the kid. Watching Carl and Sive get tougher every day is both reassuring and terrifying. What kind of people will they become?
On the third day, I decide to ride on the back of Daryl's bike. He shrugs as if he didn't care when I ask, though I see him swiftly wiping the seat and making some room. Just as eager as I am. It's not private, but it could be considered cuddling. I snake my arms around his stomach, feeling up his abs, crushing my breasts against his back. My thighs are tightly squeezing the sides of his ass, feeling warm and naughty. His hand comes to squeeze mine when we're enough ahead of the other cars. I press discreet kisses on his nape. And I definitely spy a small grin, growing on his lips, in the rear-view mirror. Not that I'm staring at the wind in his hair or anything.
I'm feeling more peaceful than I've been in years. I know it; I've touched rock bottom a while back, and now I'm swimming up to finally get some air.
When we stop for lunch, however, I suddenly get a queasy feeling. But I can't put my finger on why yet. Until Sive jumps out of the truck and voices it for me:
"Did ye recognise that house Ma? We've been here before."
She's got a good eye; it was a long time ago. I swallow hard. And she explains to the others:
"We stayed here one night, when my sister was still with us."
I was exhausted and injured at the time, maybe that's why I didn't recognise the place as fast as she did. Or maybe it's because I was so focused on our destination then.
It's a good camping site, though, so, the others start to settle, while Rick and Daryl go for recon.
I'm prepping some carrots that we found in an abandoned garden. They've sprung back on their own and, with the meat we have, it's truly a feast. Yet I'm not sure I'll be able to eat. I can't believe how my sense of direction has been so way off. I'm starting to understand that we came a full circle, when I had thought we were so far away after all those months on the road. Fucking country that I know nothing about…
"We think we found a place." I barely notice the lads have come back from their round.
When he knows he has our attention, Rick continues:
"It's not ideal, but if we can clear it, it may be the safest place around."
"Where?" Lori asks. And I already know what he's going to say. My hand starts to shake and Daryl frowns, noticing it instantly.
"It's a prison, a little down that road."
So, Sive immediately exclaims: "That's where my dads are!" And every eye turns to me.
I painfully swallow the lump in my throat, but still, my voice comes out croaked: "It's been overrun."
"Aye," Sive keeps going, oblivious, or unwilling to acknowledge my distress. "We tried to get in once. That's how my sister died. Ye want to go there?"
It's Rick's turn to uncomfortably clear his throat: "Hum… If we manage to get in, kill all the walkers…"
"Then, we'll find my fathers and maybe my sister too!" She turns briskly to me: "We could give them graves, Ma."
I agonisingly manage to smile to her.
"Wouldn't they like that?" she insists.
"Aye, they would…" I'm forced to admit.
"Let's eat first," Rick tries to temper, "then we'll go and see what we can do."
I can't get anything down. I can't even think. I don't know. I know Sive is right. Those three deserve graves. Yet, I don't think I have the strength to go back there. Let alone stay there. Daryl is eyeing me worryingly. Keeping a little distance, he eats standing up. Rick comes to sit by my side, and Carol on the other.
"I'm sorry Aideen," he starts. "I know it's gonna be hard on you two. But it could be our chance…"
"Were they prisoners?" Carol softly asks the question they all must have been wondering. Sive is sitting a little further, with Beth and Carl, Hershel watching over them. I can't hear what they're saying. Probably the same things we are.
"Aye. They were transferred here not long before it all started going to shit."
And I see Rick's scowl deepen. "They were Irish too?" he asks.
"Aye, they were." I can see in his eyes that he understood. My boy's deeds and trial weren't exactly secret. So, I make sure to clarify all doubts: "They're the Boston Saints."
I didn't expect Rick's reaction to be so visceral: "Dammit Aideen, those were murderers!"
I raise an eyebrow: "Really? Coming from ye?" He grits his teeth, and we gauge each other in silence for a moment.
"I don't follow," Carol cuts in.
But it's Lori who explains: "I remember we talked a lot about it when they were transferred here. They killed all those people in Boston, right?"
"They only ever killed mobsters-"
"They executed a man in a courthouse, for Christ's sake! During his trial!" Rick seems to have already made up his mind.
"He was going to be released! Do ye even know what that man had done?" I can't believe I need to defend them now, after all this time. "Ye know what? I don't care what ye think of them. I have nothing to hide, and even Sive knows all about them. Ye don't have to believe they were doing God's work; they believed it, and that was enough for me. Why would ye care now anyway?"
"Sometimes I just wonder how much you're not saying…" Rick stares me down, but it only makes me smirk:
"Ye want to know if I helped them?" Just by my tone they all get that they don't want to know the answer.
"Hey, that's enough," Daryl finally intervenes.
And Carol chimes in: "What we did before all this doesn't matter, does it?"
"Our values matter." Rick states.
A long silence follows. But, in the end, I understand that I must calm things down.
"They wanted to quash all evil so that what is good may flourish. I understand that ye would despise their method, Rick. But they would have liked ye. And…they had stopped. We would have lived happily in Ireland, if some scumbags hadn't killed a priest to force them out."
"They belonged behind bars." Rick utters between clinched teeth.
"I probably did too. Now, it seems that's where we're all going, right?"