A/N: When you are stuck on your other stories, in bad need of a mental health day, and just want something silly! Happy Birthday to me! Hope this is humorous for you.

Felonies and Misdemeanors of Sorts

Harm is in his office, going over the budget numbers with a fine-tooth comb to ensure everything is correct before submitting them to the Admiral. He has just returned from finishing his flight qualifications on the Henry, and came back earlier than anticipated. Since his docket was clear of open cases, he got stuck with the grunt work.

As he is scrutinizing the numbers designated for building repairs, and comparing them to the previous year's submission for accuracy, a shudder runs through him in remembrance of all those years ago when a good portion of his monthly salary was taken to fund said repairs. It doesn't matter how much time has passed; he is still reminded of the fact that he fired a weapon into the ceiling of the courtroom. Decades from now, those who hadn't even been born yet when it happened, will probably hear about it. His legacy at JAG will not be for putting away hardened criminals, or defending the Secretary of the Navy in International Court, or even for successfully prosecuting an Al-Qaeda terrorist. No, he will be remembered as the guy who fired a loaded weapon in open court. He can still hear Mac reminding him now, "Marines don't duck, they take cover."

His musings are interrupted by the melodious sound of laughter coming from his partner's office. It's a beautiful sound, and not one that he hears very often these days. She has been fairly down in the dumps since her aborted wedding, and her TDY in Indonesia. He tries concentrating again, when he hears what sounds like a series of giggles interspersed with something resembling a snort.

Tossing his pen on his desk, and pushing his chair back, he decides that these noises call for a recon mission.

He exits his door, and lightly raps his knuckles on Mac's closed door. He hears her try to clear her throat as she officially replies, "Enter!"

Harm walks in with a wide smirk, pure evidence that she is already busted. He raises his eyebrow in question, and knowing that it is only him, she erupts into another series of giggles. Harm sits down in the chair in front of her desk, giving her a moment to try and compose herself before he inquires, "You rarely laugh, you never giggle, and I know for a fact I have never heard you snort. Just what is so funny?"

Mac holds the folder against her mouth to stifle her laughing, "This case the Admiral gave me to review to pass out for assignment."

Harm asks, "What's the charge?"

Mac reads, "Petty Officer 1st Class Kristie Joel is being charged with violating Article 128 of the UCMJ against a Petty Officer Michael Courtland."

Harm replies, "Okay, an Assault case. We deal with those all the time, there shouldn't be anything new in here and should be a walk in the park. Who are you thinking of assigning it to?"

Mac sighs, "Well, I was going to give it to Lieutenant Roberts to prosecute, but I don't think I can after reading the case file. He won't likely be able to argue it effectively without bubbling over in laughter."

Harm squints, and extends his arm palm up, "Can I see the file please?"

Mac quirks her lips up into a grin, handing over the simple manila folder, "Sure, but don't say I didn't warn you!"

Harm reads through the first couple of pages showing absolutely no emotion until he gets to the victim's statement at which point, he inhales sharply and his cheeks simultaneously turn a very bright shade of red. Able to stifle his laughter, he responds, "Nope, I fully agree with you. You should let Sturgis prosecute, and let Bud defend."

Mac raises her brow, "You really think I should let the preacher's son prosecute this one?"

Harm shakes his head, "Most definitely. I don't think Sturgis's pure mind will grasp the meaning behind the victim's statement in the first place." He grins, "Can I sit it the courtroom and watch this one play out though? It ought to be perfect!"

Mac grabs the file back, "First, I have to get approval for the Admiral for my counsel choices. I am the Chief of Staff, I get to merely recommend, not assign."

Harm stands up, "Okay, I'll be in my office finishing up budget numbers, that you are more than welcome to help with."

Mac shakes her head vehemently in the negative.

Harm tosses a wad of paper at her, "Spoilsport! Just let me know what he says."

Later that afternoon, Mac opens Harm's door grinning widely. "Chegwidden agreed, I'm getting ready to give them the files."

With Harm and Sturgis still not speaking cordially to each other on a regular basis, Mac decides to take Sturgis his file, and asks Harm to take the other one to Bud.

Harm saunters over to Bud's office, "New case for you, Buddy, Article 128 you will be defending."

Bud opens the file and takes a cursory glance at the charges against his client and reads fine until the end where he bursts into laughter. He asks Harm, "In civilian court cases, how do you define assault?"

Harm replies, "It depends on the state, but it most places a simple assault is a misdemeanor and aggravated assault is a felony."

Bud nods his head, "And under the UCMJ, both types fall uncle Article 128. So, if I try to argue that her intent was to cut his thigh it would be contrived a misdemeanor for simple assault. Whereas, if I argue that her intent was to dismember him and she just missed, that would be aggravated assault and a felony."

Harm nods following Bud's logic, "You are missing the third option, Bud."

Bud furrows his brows, "What's that, Sir?"

Harm softly says, "You could argue simple assault and charge her with a misdaweiner."

Bud grumbles, "But Sir, simple assault is a misdemeanor."

Harm chuckles, "Yes, it is, but in this case she aimed for the weiner and just missed. Therefore, even with aggravated assault, she missed da weiner so it can't be a felony. Got it?"

Bud is laughing his butt off, "I got it, Sir. However, I don't think that Admiral Morris will probably follow that logic."

Harm pats Bud on the shoulder, "Just tell him it was Colonel Mackenzie's suggestion and you should be fine!"