"Did you tell him?"
Aedan paused, tore his eyes from the ramparts and the surrounding cliffs, and looked to his sister. "Tell him that we plan to push me to be king?"
Elissa shrugged. "Well...yeah."
He laughed in disbelief, shook his head. "How the hell am I supposed to do that? Hey, thanks for wasting your supplies to make us new armor, and by the way, Alistair and my sister think it's a great idea to make me king instead of him."
"And why not?"
He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Elissa raised a brow, bemused, as he said, "I swear to the Maker, sometimes you're as stupid as Alistair."
She pouted. "Leliana thinks I'm funny."
"That's because you have identical senses of humor."
Elissa grinned as he continued his walk, jogging a few steps to catch up. While they were hunting down the Ashes, Bann Teagan, Eamon's younger brother, had the local smith set to crafting sets of Grey Warden armor for them. Only Elissa's had been finished, given it had less work needed put into it as it was lighter and quicker to craft. All the smith had needed to make himself had been the chainmail—the leathers and robes were auctioned off to other craftsmen, and just as fine as the mail itself. Adjustments had to be made, considering the outfit was crafted without her there for measurements, but before they left, it would be ready.
It was oddly exciting.
Arrangements were made for similar armor to be made for Aedan and Alistair, but it would have to be heavier, considering the men's positioning in battle. Teagan had figured even if they couldn't save Eamon, they had saved Connor and Redcliffe itself, so it was payment for a debt.
Perhaps a bit pricey, but they couldn't look a gift like that in the mouth. It was sorely needed equipment, and they were beyond grateful.
"Are we going back to Denerim, then?" Elissa asked softly.
He nodded. "We'll be going with Eamon and his knights, so we should be safer than we were last time. He needs time to call the Landsmeet and get things organized, so that'll give us the time we need to settle our treaty with the dwarves." Elissa didn't have to say anything for him to add, "And time for us to find this woman hunting Leliana."
Her jaw snapped shut and she looked away.
"Alistair has family business to attend to while we're there, so it should be a rather productive trip, I think."
She nodded. "That's good."
"What's wrong?"
"Hmm? Nothing. I was just thinking."
Aedan stopped again, turning to face her, and he frowned. "No, don't do that with me. I know what you look like when you're stressed, and you're doing that thing with your nose right now."
She almost laughed. "What do you mean, thing with my nose?"
"You're not changing the subject," Aedan retorted. "Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."
She eyed the jewel of his necklace, the one that their father had given him at the temple. Elissa had watched him the night after, watched him debate about actually keeping it before tucking away his pendant to replace it. She still wore hers, the one with the darkspawn blood from the Joining. It was hidden under her shirt, but she never took it off.
"It's nothing," Elissa said dismissively. "I'm just...I don't know. It's really sinking in, I guess."
And it wasn't exactly a lie, because it was. They'd gained three allies to help them fight the Blight, and only had one treaty left before they were ready to address Ferelden itself. The idea of that was absolutely terrifying. She barely knew who Loghain was, let alone the Guerrins, or any other family of import.
What was truly bothering her was the way Leliana was secluding herself from the rest of them, mostly herself. They hadn't spoken since...since the ambush, and not for Elissa's lack of trying. Elissa wanted desperately to apologize, to talk, to just listen to her talk about something stupidly Orlesian as usual, and Leliana wanted nothing to do with her. She didn't think it would hurt this bad if she didn't watch Leliana talk and laugh with everyone else, but then, she deserved it, didn't she?
She had almost killed her. Of course a rational person would avoid someone who did that, but Elissa just couldn't come to terms with it.
She continued her walk with Aedan along the walls of Redcliffe for a while longer. It was good to spend time with him. They could rarely just be together anymore, comfortable in knowing that despite everything they'd been through, they still had each other. Elissa didn't know where she'd be right now if Aedan wasn't leading them, and she was grateful for it.
It wasn't the first time she thought how proud their parents would be of him. He was everything they could've wanted in a son.
Eventually, Elissa excused herself, saying she was hungry and wanted some time to herself before leaving. Time alone was hard to come by these days, and perhaps it would give her time to think without any distractions. It would be welcome, considering they were about to be well and truly stuck with each other.
Instead of heading to the kitchens, though, Elissa found herself wandering by the shoreline, watching the waves roll lazily along the sand. It reminded her of Highever, made her homesick. She had enjoyed watching the Waking Sea, enjoyed the feel of salty air spray across her skin and the smell of the water. This wasn't the same, but it was as close as she would get until the Blight was over, and it would have to do.
She crouched in the water. It was cold on her knees, her hands as she ran her fingers through it. In another life, she thought she might have enjoyed sailing, or perhaps fishing. Elissa could see herself out there on the lake, with the townsfolk, just living their lives and feeding their families. It was a simple life, but it was a life empty of all the pain and suffering they went through everyday.
One of Wynne's lessons wormed its way into her head. Every mage had something they had a natural inclination to, some type of magic they would excel at. Elissa would've thought hers would be something else, but the way her passenger was drawn to ice spells and water...perhaps...?
She dipped her hand into the water, and without any effort, it froze around her.
Elissa jumped, equal parts excited and terrified. She did that. Not her spirit, she did it, and it had been trying to tell her that all along.
The longer she was stuck with this thing, the longer she understood it was only trying to protect her. It didn't bother her unless she was in danger, had kept her dreams as a child free of any demons or monsters, and kept her alive at least once. In its own way, Elissa thought it cared for her, but then, what did it see her as?
Helpless, lost, scared, but brave.
That wasn't her thinking that. She had asked a question, and it had answered.
Elissa gulped as she sat back up, reaching for the small square of ice lapping against her boots. It was paper thin, broke in her fingers.
"What the hell have I gotten myself into?"
She lingered as long as she pleased. They would be spending the night here no matter what happened—sleeping in a real bed sounded so impossible it couldn't have been real. Denerim had been such a delight, having gotten to sleep in a bed for several nights, but Elissa was constantly worried about being found by Loghain or Howe, so what sleep she had managed hadn't been good enough to matter.
This, though, oh, she was going to enjoy it more than anything. A warm, soft bed, safe from any immediate danger. Elissa almost thought she was dreaming.
When boredom inevitably consumed her, Elissa stood and sighed after rinsing her hands in the water. It was invigorating knowing she was making progress with her abilities. Small ones, maybe, but it was progress, and that was all she cared about. If she could figure out what made her spirit tick, she would be even happier. As long as it learned its place in her life, she believed they could find a way to exist.
She had to.
Aedan was the only person who would really talk to her now. He was the only one who wasn't terrified of her, or disturbed, or anything, and she hadn't hurt any of them, so he figured it didn't matter. If anything, he was relieved he didn't have to constantly make sure she was all right, or worry about her getting possessed by a demon.
Granted, this spirit was more dangerous than any demon they'd run into, but it seemed to like them well enough, and Elissa was pretty sure she had a decent handle on it, so that was good enough for him. Wynne or Morrigan, though, they disagreed. Neither woman could come up with a better suggestion of what to do about it or Elissa, so she was stuck with them anyway. At least Morrigan hadn't suggested killing her on the spot. That was a positive.
For the first time in a long time, Elissa felt well rested when she woke up. Her muscles didn't ache from sleeping on the ground, and nothing was too stiff. If anything, she felt too good. She hadn't realized how spoiled she had been just by having a bed every night, and as soon as that was ripped away, she had missed it.
Her stomach growled as she got dressed. She threw on loose black trousers and a white shirt, belted on her sword, laced up her boots, and headed out of her room. Breakfast was calling her name, but Elissa hesitated as her door closed behind her.
Eamon didn't have much space for guests, but he'd had a few spare rooms, just enough for the majority of them to avoid buddying up. Alistair and Aedan shared a room, and Elissa had offered to share so Morrigan could have her own, but she had turned the offer down, preferring the company of the animals in the surrounding wood.
Besides, Elissa hadn't necessarily wanted to share a room with Wynne, let alone Sten or Zevran, but she doubted Leliana wanted anything to do with her. She hadn't even seen her since yesterday morning, so that pretty much answered that question.
But her door was right there and it took much more willpower than Elissa had to walk away. The next thing she knew, she was across the hall, knocking rather obnoxiously on the door. Leliana and Morrigan were typically the first in the party to wake, and Elissa one of the last, so there was a good chance Leliana wasn't even there. She was probably eating, or at the Chantry, or just...doing something else.
There was some shuffling inside, and then silence. Elissa remained, however, and waited rather impatiently for an answer.
She looked up and down the hall, and then said, "Leli?"
Something shifted in the air. The sound of footsteps reached her ears, followed by the sounds of locks clicking, and the door swung open.
Elissa was just surprised she'd gotten an answer. She hadn't expected the bard to even say anything, much less open the door.
Leliana was wearing something similar to Elissa's outfit, but it looked better on her, without a doubt. Her pants were fitted and her shirt hung loosely over her shoulders, and again, it took a lot of effort to keep her eyes cemented on Leliana's.
"What did you call me?"
Elissa blinked, confused by the question. It hadn't been what she was expecting, but then, none of this was. "Uh..."
Leliana stepped back into her room, turning her back on Elissa, and said, "Is it strange I knew you'd end up here?"
Cautiously, Elissa followed, nudging the door shut behind her. "I mean, no, not really. You're pretty smart and I'm pretty stupid, so..."
Leliana sat at a small table in the middle of the room while Elissa awkwardly hung around the door, eyes roaming. Her things were set neatly against a dresser, the only other piece of furniture in the room aside from the bed itself. There was a mirror, something Elissa's room was lacking, and a washbasin atop the dresser.
"What are you doing here, Elissa?"
Her eyes flicked back to Leliana. The bard had her elbows leaning on the table and her hands folded neatly in front of her expectant face.
"Uh..." She cleared her throat, and then decided, she'd already bitten off more than she could chew by even coming over here, so she might as well throw caution to the wind and go all the way. She sat across from Leliana and said, "I wanted to apologize."
One red eyebrow went up. "For?"
She shifted a bit, uncomfortable with the way Leliana was looking at her. It was like she was sizing her up, the way a hunter would look at its prey.
"For what happened when those men ambushed us," Elissa said. "I should've done... I don't even know." Elissa ran her hands down her face. "I'm really bad at apologizing."
"You're lucky, then," Leliana said. "I don't want an apology."
She...what? No, this was a game, wasn't it? There was no way she didn't.
Elissa frowned. "Then...what?"
Leliana leaned over the table, hands falling to her sides, and she said, "I want you to be honest with me. Have I not been completely honest with you?"
"No, not really."
Leliana waved a hand. "I told you my secrets. All of them. I told you everything that might result in someone getting hurt, and you didn't."
Elissa almost laughed. Was that...? Was she being serious?
"How am I supposed to bring that up?"
"You brought up being a mage just fine."
"I was panicking!" Elissa retorted. "What would you do in my shoes, Leliana? Think about it. You just watched your brother die in vivid detail, after leaving the rest of your family and knowing you might've been able to save them. Stress makes people do stupid shit." She sat back in the chair, now more annoyed than nervous, and sighed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."
"And I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth about my past sooner," Leliana said, "but we can't keep these secrets, Elissa. They're too dangerous."
She swallowed. "You're right."
"I don't...want an apology," Leliana continued. "I just want you to promise me we won't keep these things from each other. If I'd known about...that—" She waved a hand again, this time in Elissa's direction. "—I would've just left you go, but I didn't, and you could've killed us."
"It's hard to talk about," Elissa admitted.
"I won't make you talk about it. Just tell me if you're keeping anything else from me."
Elissa shook her head, forced her eyes elsewhere. "No, there's nothing else."
Leliana stood, the sound of pushing her chair back screeching rather obnoxiously. She offered Elissa a hand up. "Come on, then. Someone was knocking outside your door an hour ago. I think the armorer was ready for you."