A/N: Sorry for the late update, life sometimes gets in the way. enjoy.

~If you could only see the beast you've made of me

I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free

Screaming in the dark, I howl when we're apart

Drag my teeth across your chest to taste your beating heart~

~Florence + The Machine~

I woke up in a panic, the room was still pitch black. I could hear the breathing of Joker next to me. I laid there, my head hurt and my mouth tasted like chemicals. I stayed still, letting thoughts run through my head, hoping my eyes would adjust.

The thoughts came fast, 'What the hell am I doing?' 'Did I really do coke last night?' 'Where was this thing going?' "Will this man get me killed?' 'Is this it for me?'

Each thought made me feel worse than the last. I rubbed my face, trying to push the questions out of my head. I hated when this happened. I moved to get up, every muscle seemed to scream as I slid out of the blankets and my feet touched the floor.

I felt around the floor finding my jeans and sliding them on wincing when the keys jingled in the pocket. My shirt was nowhere to be found, but Jokers clothes seemed to be in a large pile. I tugged on his shirt and slid on my shoes.

I put my arms out in front of me and walked towards what I hoped was the wall. I let out a relieved sigh when my finger touched it. I followed the wall, hands moving to look for a door knob or a light switch. I found the handle. I turned it slowly freezing when the click sounded as loud as gunfire in the silent room.

Joker didn't move, his breathing still slow and deep. I slowly opened the door enough to squeeze through. I stepped out into the hallway and hurried towards what I hoped was the exit. Once I opened the large door, the light outside blinded me. It felt like someone had set fire to my eyes.

Once my eyes adjusted, I headed to where I thought the car was. By the time I fund it I was exhausted, and hungry. I slid into the seat and started the engine. I felt a rush of relief as I drove to my apartment. I wasn't running away. I just needed space to think. I can't think straight when he's around.

I parked the car and ran up to my apartment, grabbing a change of clothes some toiletries, my wallet, and a large part of my money stash. I headed back to the car, really missing mine, but I was not going to go get it. Couldn't risk him finding me right now. When he was with me, I stopped thinking, I just let him sweep me up in the storm that was him.

I drove into the fancier part of the city, and parked the car in the garage. This place was amazing, I stepped into the lobby and up to the counter.

"Welcome to Gotham Suites Hotel, do you have a reservation?"

I smiled, "No, I don't, will that be a problem?"

"No Ma'am, how can I help you?"

"I need a room for a few nights. Single bed, with a view please."

The woman started to type on her computer and then looked back at me. "Alright we have a suite on the 7th floor that is available for 2 nights. It has a view of the water and classic Gotham skyline. Will that work for you?"

"Sounds perfect." I reached into my bag to get my money.

"Alright, we have a two night stay, do you have a credit card to keep on file?"

I did have a card, but it was one Joker had given me for emergencies, work related emergencies. She seemed to see the unease I was sure radiated off me.

"I won't be charged until check out, and if you wanted to pay cash,you can let us know then."

"That's good, yes, let's do that." I dug into the small wallet and pulled out the card. I don't know how he got it, I don't know whose it is, and I didn't want to ask.

She swiped the card and typed some more. "Okay," she handed the card back. "You will be in room 715, feel free to use the room service, it will charge to your room, and you can pay it at checkout. There is complementary laundry service, the bag is in your room. If you need anything pick up the phone in your room and hit the asterisk, it will get you to hospitality and they can help you." she handed me a card for the room.

"Thank you."

"Did you need help with your bags?"

"No ma'am."

"Enjoy your stay."

I smiled and headed to the elevators. There were several. I pressed the button for floor seven. When the doors opened again, I was looking at a long hallway, I looked for the sign for my room. Following the arrows I found it. I opened the door and looked around.

It was huge, one wall seemed to be just windows. I tossed my bag on the table and headed straight for the restroom. I ran a bath in the large tub. I undressed and slid into the hot water. I let it relax my muscles and could feel the sting on a few wounds I had forgotten about.

Once the water started to cool, I drained the water and ran a shower to actually wash up. Squeaky clean, I stepped out of the tub and wrapped up in the robe that was folded on the counter. I moved back into the room and grabbed my phone, and spread out on the large bed.

I frowned, I had a text message from Joker. I ignored it, I wasn't avoiding him, I just needed to think. My stomach growled and I grabbed the menu and the room phone. I ordered a steak, medium rare, a side salad, and french fries. I laid there, ignoring my cell was hard work.

The knock on the door came quickly. I hopped up and answered, tipping the server generously, and set down to devour my food. It was perfect, I ate until I was sure I would split. I pushed the tray out into the hall and closed the door. It was almost 5:00PM.

I looked for the TV and turned on the news. It was talking about last night. The call in bomb sighting and the tracks being demolished. I watched closely, right now two men were arguing over possible Joker motives.

I laughed, when would they figure it out? Joker didn't think like them, he didn't think like anyone I had ever known. That's why they couldn't catch him, that's why they couldn't out think him.

I turned the TV off and let my head fall back on the couch. I had to clear my head. I had to decide some important things right now. I could hear my phone buzzing. I ignored it.

I couldn't do things like I have been. I let him blindside me, pulling me into his chaotic world. I had killed a man. I felt conflicted about the entire thing, but it was done, I couldn't do anything about it now. It was him or Joker, and I chose.

Fuck! I would always chose him. That is what scared me. What if the choice was him or myself? The fact that I wasn't sure scared the hell out of me. I should pick me, right? Right! But would I?

I needed a drink. I headed to the built in mini fridge and opened it. They had small bottles of alcohol and large bottles of wine. I chose the wine. I drank straight from the bottle. My tummy felt warm and my brain was quiet. It was a good feeling.

A yawn escaped me, I looked at the bottle, it was completely empty. I dropped it on the table and stood. The world tilted for a second then righted itself again. I moved to the bed, sliding the robe off and climbing under the blankets.

I dreamed of Joker.

He was with me on the rooftops, but it was different. He was holding my hands as I leaned back over the edge.

"I thought I was supposed to float?" I said to him.

"You are princess."

'Then why can't I?"

"You're weighted down. You need to let go."

"Let go? Of what?" I was looking at him confused.

"Everything."

I let my head fall back, the city looked upside down. "Everything." I repeated.

I laughed, then did just that, I let go. His hands held my wrists. I felt like I could fly if he'd just let go.

"You have to let go too." I said, eyes still locked on the topsy-turvy city. Just like that, his hands were gone, I was falling.

I closed my eyes, then opened them again, I was floating.

I woke up my head hurting and the room spun. I still felt really drunk. I looked at the small clock on the side table. It was 3:00 AM.

I laid there, if I didn't move, neither would the world. My phone buzzed silently on the bed next to me.

I grabbed it. 14 missed messages.

2:06 PM Where are you?

2:33 PM You took my shirt

2:35 PM You left your gun

4:00 PM Where are you?

4:23 PM This isn't funny

5:00 PM Fine

6:03 PM Princess?

6:05 PM Should I be worried

7:32 PM You aren't home

10:15 PM Its late where are you

11:49 PM Do you have my car?

12:07 AM I will find you

2:15 AM Gotham suites?

3:04 AM You still not answering me?

I groaned, but decided to answer.

"I'm fine, just needed to clear my head." I hit the send button and waited.

"Clear it of what?"

"Everything"

He didn't answer. I laid the phone down and pulled myself out of bed. I wrapped the robe back around me. I went to the restroom and emptied my bladder, feeling instantly better. I washed my hands, and splashed water on my face. I walked back to the bed and climbed onto it. My phone buzzed.

"did it work?"

I thought about the question.

"I ended up getting drunk."

He didn't text back. I laid the phone down and leaned back onto the pillows. I fell asleep at some point. The sunlight woke me up. I stretched out along the bed feeling sore muscles pull and relax. I got up and decided to order breakfast. While I waited for room service I took a quick shower to get rid of the last it of sleep tugging at me.

I changed into the clothes I brought and enjoyed a delicious breakfast while I looked out over the city. It looked so different in the day time. Just shiny buildings reflecting the sun. No cloud cover today would be perfect. But this was Gotham, the weather was so unpredictable. I needed to do something for myself. I decided on a spa day. I called down to hospitality services and they set me up an appointment in their spa.

By mid afternoon, I was relaxed, my finger and toe nails painted 'Tickle Me Pink'. I made my way back to my room and collapsed on the bed. I grabbed my phone and checked for messages. There were none, the fact seemed to hurt my feelings. I decided to, once again, do something stupid. I texted him.

"I'm bored."

The reply was almost instant.

"Figure it out."

That was not the reply I had hoped for. Had I pissed him off somehow? I put my phone down and rubbed my hands across my face. I looked back at the minibar and moved to grab several of the small bottles. Joker had told me at the start of all of this to do what I want. Take what I want. Well right now I wanted to get drunk. I wanted to just stop thinking for a while. I grabbed the first small bottle and drank it. The burn felt good, I grabbed another. My belly felt hot , my throat was numb. I grabbed a third one. I couldn't even taste it.

I felt pleasantly numb, I liked this feeling. The room was so big, maybe as big as my entire apartment. The ceiling was pretty high, I looked up and a wave of dizziness washed over me. I may be a bit more drunk than I thought I was. I burst into a fit of giggles and laid back on the couch. I picked up my phone and started to type a paragraph to Joker. I hit the send button and reached for the last of the small bottles I had brought to the couch with me.

A knock on the door woke me. I hadn't realized I had even fallen asleep. I pulled myself up from the couch, the world spinning as I stood. Once my feet felt like they were under me I walked to the door. I pulled the door open and saw a clean faced Joker standing in front of me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

I turned around and walked into the room and flopped back onto the couch. He walked into the room and shut the door.

"You are drunk again." he said.

I smiled, "Yep."

He walked to the couch and sat across from me. I turned to look at him. "You didn't answer me." I said.

He looked at me, his face looking almost angelic, then he smiled, the faint scars pulling his skin into a strange crooked smile. He reached down and pulled my feet into his lap. I let out a squeal as I fell back against the arm of the couch. His hands rubbed my feet, pausing to admire my brand new pedicure.

"Pink looks good on you." he said.

I leaned my head back and sighed as he continued to rub my feet. It felt so good. I let my body relax and didn't realize that I had fallen asleep.

I groaned as I woke up, my head was pounding. My mouth was dry and I felt nauseous. I opened my eyes and frowned. I was in my bed, alone. Had I hallucinated Joker coming to see me? I looked for my phone and saw it on the nightstand next to a bottle of water and some aspirin. I took the medicine and downed the entire bottle of water. I pulled myself out of bed and went into the restroom. I emptied my bladder and moved to brush my teeth. I washed my face and frowned at my reflection. I felt so ashamed. Who was I turning into. In the last week I have done drugs and gotten drunk two days in a row. I needed to pull myself together.

I moved back to grab my phone and saw a message from Joker. I opened it. The message was simple.

"I really do love the pink."

He had been here. My attention was caught by the message before that. I had to scroll up on the screen, it was a large paragraph on the small screen. I read the message.

"you told me a long time ago to take what I want, to do what I want. I know what that is, it's you. I'm done fighting with myself about it. I thought you were pushing me to do things I would never do. But I realize you didn't. All of the things that I have done that could be questionable, I chose to do. The reason isn't important, but you never made me do anything. I had a choice and I chose. come see me, room 715."

I groaned as I read the ramblings of my drunken brain. I tossed the phone on the bed and decided to shower and go home. I couldn't run and hide anymore. I chose this craziness, it is time I put on my big girl panties and handle my business.