It was admittedly hard to write this, to be honest. I didn't want to rush any reveal, so I wrote it over and over again, yet I'm still not completely satisfied. Also, my head is getting swamped with over story ideas which makes it incredibly hard to focus on this.
I didn't want to let you wait any longer, though. Sorry for the delay. /
"I'm sorry," Shawn blurted out desperately. "I'm so sorry."
Gus sighed, already slipping into the forgiving mode. He had no idea what was happening - what was Shawn sorry about? What was with Lassiter's talk about a gun? What were they missing? But his best friend seemed so down, he couldn't actually stay distant much longer. His anger - or rather hurt - was already slipping away.
"What, exactly, are you sorry about?" He asked and glanced Abigail. The brown-haired teacher was watching their interaction numbly, shock had settled over her.
Shawn fell back onto the hospital bed and ran a hand through his hair, obviously distressed. "I -"
"Are you going to lie again?" Abigail looked up at her boyfriend. Gus was surprised at the fierceness in her eyes.
Shawn hesitated, then shook his head. "No."
Gus let out a laugh that sounded bitter, even to himself. "At least something to look forward to."
"Guys, I -" Gus blinked slowly. He'd hardly ever seen Shawn having problems talking like that before. Most of the time it'd been in connection to Henry Spencer - after Maddie had left, for example, or after Shawn's motorcycle accident.
"Believe me when I say that I wouldn't have kept this from you without good reason, okay?" Shawn looked between them. Abigail didn't move her gaze away from him - she wasn't budging.
"What did you keep from us, Shawn?" She asked, voice wavering almost unnoticably.
Shawn gulped, trying to gather his words. Gus blinked again. He felt like the three of them were cushioned in a small room without time moving at all. He didn't hear the bustle of the hospital outside the door, or even the still running television. It was just the three of them.
"I never consulted with the LAPD," Shawn admitted finally.
Gus blinked again.
Whatever he'd expected, it definitely wasn't this.
"What?" He asked.
Shawn breathed out for a long time before repeating. "I have never been a consultant for the LAPD."
"Then how -"
"Eight and a half years ago," Shawn started quietly, seeming uncomfortable. "I was in LA after my trip to Vegas for a bit extra cash. I did call in a tip." Abigail glanced at Gus. She was glad that it wasn't only her who didn't know where Shawn was going with this.
"A man named Thomas King was the lead detective on the case," his best friend continued. "He believed me when I, uh, explained..." He glanced at Abigail, a pleading look in his eyes. "We got in touch a little, until he recommended I..."
Shawn trailed off, uncomfortably, and stared down at his hands. Gus and Abigail exchanged a glance, before she scooted over to place a comforting hand on his shoulder. It was disconcerting to see the always confident Shawn Spencer like this - Gus certainly didn't know what was going on.
He'd gotten postcards from his friend during his years away. He could recount many of the 57 jobs he'd had during his time on the road. He hadn't heard of Shawn working with the police before, but after he'd realized it were just tips he hadn't been all that surprised. Now, Shawn told them that was a lie - or somehow it wasn't? And he seemed all embarrassed to know the LAPD detectives - just what was going on? His friend was a mystery, but he'd always thought he solved him already.
He hadn't. Gus frowned.
The Captain and I worked some cases together before ... Not even I remember a lot clues from his time at the LAPD ... I will connect you with the homicide division ... If they know about this case, it brings more problems than what's worth ... Why do you own a gun, Spencer? ... I have never been a consultant for the LAPD ...
Suddenly, something clicked in Gus' head. How did he not see this before? It all worked so well - and yet, it didn't. How was this possible, at all?
"Tell me you didn't," he broke the silence, mouth wide agape. Shawn was not a detective for the police, he wasn't an officer of the LAPD, he wasn't - but his denial all vanished when his best friend turned to look at him. Eyes swimming with guilt, both knew he'd found the truth, it was like a dam that broke. Gus took a step back, breathing deeply to regain his composure.
"Gus, I - I'm sorry I never told you." The words hardly reached Gus' ears - all he could hear were his thoughts and the blood rushing. It all made sense - Shawn was freakishly good at what he did, he had connections, he made connections, he was gone for years - why had it never occurred to him that his best friend might've followed through with what his father wanted?
Because he never wanted to.
His head was swimming in all the realizations that came with his discovery - Robert McCoy had not hired them, he'd asked for his employee's help. Sam Deleon had been a co-worker of Shawn's - Shawn was a cop all along - he had a gun and most likely a badge - he was a godforsaken real life detective -
Hot searing anger flashed through him, as with the next relevation his thoughts stopped right there. Why? He'd lied to the police, why had he lied to Lassiter, kept this from him, made himself look like a fool? Why'd he never carried his gun, despite all the dangerous situations the both of them had been in? Why'd he start commiting a crime of fraud - why'd he bring Gus into it? - was he even to blame when it came to conviction? Or would he be punished even further? Since he was a cop? He was a cop - oh please, let him be wrong, why did this all have to make sense -
"What?" Abigail asked timidly, urgently.
She saw the friends stare at each other, seemingly having silent conversations, she saw shock and anger cross over the ever kind Gus' face and she saw sadness settle on her boyfriend's features. It frustrated her to no end that she didn't know what this was about - she had no problem with them having secrets, she had a heart after all - but big ones like this case? Those she demanded to know about - it was about their safety and she loved them both (to differing degrees).
Shawn didn't look away from his best friend, but Gus did. His eyes settled on her and a calm understanding came over him. He unfolded his arms and shook his head to clear it off his anger. They were leaving for LA - some way or another, either both of them or just one - but Abigail would stay here. It wasn't fair to keep her in the dark like that until McCoy interrupted them.
"Talk to her," he said, his voice surprisingly gentle despite the hurt he still felt. "She deserves to know."
Shawn's eyes burned in his back when he left, but for a small part in himself he knew he just saved their relationship a lot of trouble. Gus was mad at his friend, he was hurt, but he wasn't unfair. Shawn had waited for this for thirteen years and it was still young and fresh - their own friendship could easily withhold a secret like this, with time.
He just hoped Shawn knew how to save himself and the girl.
Abigail stared after Gus, confusion etched on her face. She wasn't sure how to react to this situation - should she try to lighten Shawn up, to help him? Should she demand answers? Should she just leave? Was it even fair to have this talk when he was hurt and in the hospital?
Her boyfriend turned to her, desperation showing clearly on his face. "Abby, I need to tell you something."
"I figured," she laughed nervously. What should she make of this new side Shawn was showing her right now? It was making her giddy.
A faint smile showed on Shawn's face and he took a deep breath. "Yeah, you did. Abby, I - I work for the LAPD."
Abigail paused for a second, confusion still evident on her face. She frowned. "Shawn, you already told me they hired you."
"No, you don't understand," he grabbed her hands and looked her right in the eyes. "I'm a detective for the Los Angeles Police Department. I am a cop."
She blinked hesitantly. The silence stretched out between them, but she couldn't find it in herself to care. There were a million questions in her head - Why? When? How? But mostly so many why's - and she didn't understand how she felt about this new discovery.
Shawn, her boyfriend, had lied to her about his profession. She should be angry, shouldn't she? But she wasn't. She didn't feel like it was her place to be angry, and she didn't feel the need to be either. Shawn had lied to Gus, his best friend, and most likely his own family too about this. They were allowed to be angry. She reunited with Shawn only a few months ago and despite how infatuated she was with him, if he hadn't even told Gus, who'd always been there for him, then why should she have the right to be angry at him for having secrets? She was hurt, a little bit, yes, but not angry.
Also, the lack of shock she felt confused her. Only a few minutes ago, when the tall detective had announced that her boyfriend owned a gun, it was like she'd been hit by a train. They lived in America, where the gun laws where not as restricted as elsewhere, yet she hadn't taken Shawn for the kind of guy who carried. It had been unexpected. But this - that Shawn was a cop - it all kind of made sense. And that didn't agitate her, it calmed her because finally something made sense.
She wasn't stupid - Shawn had everything that a good cop should have (well, except for punctuality and the ability to follow rules) and that had always confused her. Why didn't he follow through with what his father wanted? But now -
She bit her lip and made a decision. "They employ psychics?" She asked with a playful tone in her voice, a small smile gracing her lips. Abigail squeezed his hands reassuringly at his surprised stare.
"You aren't mad?" He questioned carefully, ignoring her former inquiry.
She nodded in the direction of the door. "It's not really my place to be, is it?"
Shawn blinked, a grin breaking out on his face. "You have no idea how much I love you right now."
She laughed and threaded her hands in his hair, ruffling it slightly. He instinctively dodged her movement a little - Abigail decided to take that as a good sign. "Is this the concussion speaking?"
He quickly closed the gap between them and she smiled into the kiss. "I would never."
"You still have to explain a lot, though," Abigail frowned and pointed at his chest accusingly. "And from what I heard, you don't have a lot of time to do so."
Shawn nodded, relieved how good she took the news, and took a deep breath before delving right back into the story. "Well, you heard what I said. I called in a tip to a guy named Thomas King, who later recommended I actually visit the Academy. Normally it's hard to do so with a criminal record, if you don't have some kind of commendation letter, but he had some contacts there so they gave me a chance." He grinned. "I passed with flying colours."
Abigail laughed. "Never thought I'd live to see the day Shawn Spencer could be proud of his test scores."
Her boyfriend shrugged. "I can't argue with that. I didn't see it coming either."
"So what happened then?"
"I started at the LAPD as a normal officer," Shawn told her. "King had me under his wing most of the time, giving me tips and whatnot. After a few weeks, my partner and I came across a street robbery that we were able to pin on a ring of burglars." He cringed at the memory.
"There might've been a lot of protocol breaching involved, but basically we caught the Sergeant's attention. After a few test trials and taking the Detective Exam, we were allowed to step up into the Detective Bureau - on probation, since our last case went against so many protocols. My partner, David Norris, went into Gang and Narcotics, I was sent to Robbery-Homicide."
"You made a name for yourself, I'm guessing?" Abigail asked. It only made sense if they asked her boyfriend to come back for a dangerous case after such a long time. Shawn just nodded in response.
"Why did you leave?" She asked after a moment. "It sounds like you've had a good thing going there."
The psychic looked down at his hands, contemplating the question. "I did. And I'm not sure, actually." He paused for a minute, thinking about it some more. Abigail waited patiently. "I'm just - I think I'm not cut out for being a cop, you know?" He shook his head. "I'm not saying it became dull but... my heart wasn't in it anymore, especially after my former partner got transferred to San Diego."
"You mean the Norris guy?" Abigail frowned. "I thought you were in different divisions?"
"No, not Norris," Shawn shook his head quickly. "As far as I know he's still there. No, his name was Clint Rivera. He always reminded me a little bit of Gus, to be honest."
Abigail nodded and mulled over his answers for a while. Then, another question popped up. "Did you get reinstated or something? I assume the gun that Detective mentioned earlier is your service weapon?"
Shawn nodded and sighed. "They never actually let me leave. By the time I signed my resignation notice, Thomas King had become the Chief of the Detective Bureau and convinced me to take a long leave instead. The Board even allowed him to keep paying me, to a smaller amount of course." He shrugged helplessly. "He probably believed it was some phase of restlessness and that I would come back soon enough. I figured it would save me a lot of trouble to just let him be. I'm honestly surprised they kept at it for so long - I thought they'd let me off the hook after at least a year." He hesitated. "That's part of why I never bothered to tell Lassie that I was a cop."
Abigail nodded slowly, keeping silent for a few seconds. "Why'd you never tell Gus? I mean, I get why you never told me or the cops or even your dad, but Gus?"
Shawn looked up at her, a pained look in his eyes. "I'm really not sure. Back then I started making up jobs or places I visited during my time at the Academy, I didn't think I would last, you know?" He laughed humorlessly. "But then it did and the lie became bigger with every letter... I mean, I still visited most of the places I sent postcards from, but mostly during my vacations." He sighed. "I wanted to tell him in person, but I never dared to. And then we started Psych, and I thought my cop days were left behind and everything was great - I thought he would never need to know that I lied."
Abigail kept silent and squeezed his fingers comfortingly. She knew that their friendship was something special and meant the world to her boyfriend. She remembered that the two of them had been inseparable since the day she'd first seen them. They'd been like the picture perfect best friends one could imagine. She couldn't imagine what this had to feel like for them, especially for Gus. He probably questioned everything he ever knew about his best friend.
Abigail hoped he wouldn't come to bad conclusions.
"He's probably furious, isn't he?" Shawn asked timidly. She looked up at him and was oddly reminded of the kindergarten kids she was with every day.
Abigail tilted her head in thought. "Honestly? I think he needs time to come to terms with it." He nodded and looked down. "But I think you'll be able to work it through," she encouraged him. "You just need to talk to him. A lot."
Shawn smiled slightly, bringing his lips to hers once again. "I love you, Abbs. A lot."
She closed her eyes and kissed back.
I know, I know. So much love in the air.
Gus is gonna get some answers soon enough, promise! Not sure it'll all be next chapter, though. I'll try not to keep you waiting as long this time.
Hope you forgive me and still liked the little bit of Shawn's background we got to see!