I'm back! Not even after a full week! *hears crickets chirping* Do look out for an announcement at the end though, it has to do with this story.
Also, I'm not trying to uphold any stigmas about mental health institutions. There are multiple sides to everything, and I definitely can't cover everything.
Enjoy!
Annabeth Chase's Facts about People, Life, and Earth: "Gold cage/Hostage to my feelings/Back against the wall/Trippin', trip-trippin' when you're gone" – So It Goes…, Taylor Swift
"Percy! Good morning, how did you sleep?" Nurse Rosa sang out in one breath.
He slowly dragged the linty blanket from his face. His arm brushed a wet patch on his pillow, but Percy had given up hiding the drool patches. Nurse Florence had reported it to Doctor Windley on his first morning and they ran a ton of tests on him until Doc said he was just releasing some more moisture at night because of all the water he drank. Percy rubbed his eyes. "Pretty well."
Nurse Rosa was tapping his bag of vitamins. With his IV and her compact size, the aisle between the bunks was completely filled. She gave Butch a quick wave when she saw him watching. "And how many hours would that be?"
Percy's muscles clenched and released as he sat up. The pain was already fading, and the feeling of stiffness was strange. "A lot." He gave Nurse Rosa a small grin. "I slept through the sunrise."
Nurse Rosa beamed. "Isn't that nice?" She turned to Butch and Pollux's bunk, like she wanted them to respond. Pollux dutifully nodded. Nurse Rosa plopped down a stack of clothes on the end of Percy's bed (they even did his laundry, though Butch said that was only temporary). "Chop, chop, breakfast is waiting for you all!"
She made sure to aim her grin over Percy's bunk, being one of the few nurses not intimidated or vaguely disturbed by Octavian. "Yes, of course," Octavian's sickly voice responded.
Pollux disappeared into his closet to change, Butch was already dressed and really to hit the ground running, and Percy darted out to the bathroom to avoid Octavian stripping in. The. Middle. Of. The. Room.
Nurse Rosa cheerily hooked the stem of his IV and led him down the hallway, where other rehabilitees shuffled towards the bathroom with mussed hair and deadly breath. Holding his IV had become his "quirk" since Thalia used it on him, and it was a little weird being led around by everyone, but he preferred it to being touched. Which was at least better than all the other quirks around here. Nurse Rosa greeted everyone and forcibly carved out a path into the stall Percy could change in by cheerleading from the bathroom's doorway. He scrambled into the new pair and tightly scrunched the pajamas under his arm, and then stepped out into free-flowing water the morning shower rooms were releasing from their stalls. There was a drain in the corner of the room the soapy water was swirling into, which had sucked up much of his puke. He took out his granted peppermint green-striped toilettes bag and dutifully spent five minutes brushing his teeth.
"I'm glad you're getting more used to things, Percy," Nurse Rosa announced. "They're making waffles this morning, I heard."
He tried to summon a grin, since food was one of the few things that still made him happy. "That's great!"
Nurse Rosa tried to fill out the list of his vitals as they maneuvered the hallways to get to the dining room. Percy had to grab the IV like a wheel to keep her from crashing into any other fellow patients. Someone in street clothes was being wheeled their way, their face still slightly tinged blue from either a crazy high or a crazy crash. Other nurses were carrying pills for those with medicated detoxes, and Percy might've seen a naked person behind a wide-open door. Pollux appeared on the shoulder of the hallway, running a pudgy hand through the cowlicks of his bright hair. His hand absentmindedly grasped for something as he stared out at the idle morning traffic, and then dropped to his side.
Their room was very diverse in addictions. Pollux was an alcohol who apparently had a thing for Strawberry Hill—and he had a twin who died from alcohol poisoning, so he was perfectly content with staying sober. Octavian loved to trip on LSD but still had crazy hallucinations telling him to make ritual sacrifices and rule "the people." He muttered a lot of strange stuff over Percy's bunk at night. Butch had, well, a rainbow of vices (his tattoo was the brunt of a hundred inside jokes) and had pretty much tried them all, but the one that stuck out to him most was, surprisingly, Benzodiazepines. Perfectly innocent pills he got when he couldn't sleep once his favorite horse was injured or something. He also showed no physical withdrawal symptoms whatsoever.
Nurse Rosa set down her clipboard and breathed in happily when they entered the dining hall. It was not much larger than a meeting room, with small wooden tables closely bunched together and a spread of food before the kitchen windows.
"Yup, those are real waffles," she said with appraisal in her voice. "Look, Butch is already sitting there! Is it alright if I leave you alone now?"
"Yeah," Percy responded tiredly, nodding to her. She delicately retracted her hands from the IV and waved the clipboard as she left.
He scooted his IV between the tables, trying to not roll over anyone's foot, and shared a nod with Butch, who was sprinkling his eyes with salt. Percy stiffened and shouldered on to the food, where Octavian was standing ahead. He pushed the IV into his elbow and grabbed a fork, then generously loaded the waffles onto his plate. One of the cooks smiled indulgently at him and pointed to a bite-size quiche. They never let him get past without vegetables.
Octavian was squatted down so his glass could be eye-level, measuring the height of the orange juice. Percy leaned away from him to grab the maple syrup jug, but Octavian squinted up at him.
"Percy. Hello," he said in that sticky voice.
Percy tried not to hold the jug upside-down and then race out of there. "Good morning, Octavian."
"How are you this fine morning?" There was something affectionate in his eyes; like he was scrutinizing a stuffed deer head to mount on his wall.
"Perfectly fine." He decided the small pool of syrup was good enough and spun for their table.
Octavian reached out and yanked the IV to make it still before Percy could take a step. He pushed himself up with the table and sipped his juice. "You're going into PAWS, right?"
Post-Acute Withdrawal Symptoms, he'd gotten a long lecture about that in the first few moments he was awake enough to understand at Sunny Mountain. Percy tried to get riled up about the misuse of his IV but honestly wasn't surprised. "Yeah," he responded, slowly drawing out the word in confusion.
"That means you should be joining our group meetings! Are you psyched up for it?" Octavian leered.
"Totally," Percy responded, and almost bowled over a girl with three oatmeal bowls on her tray as he rushed away. The wheels of his IV collided against one of the newly occupied seats at their table, where Leila was staring off into space.
"Watch it, Jackson," Khione snapped, even though she was standing. As usual, her crystal crown was on at 7 in the morning.
Leila raised her head, water droplets flicking from the ends of her still-damp hair, and gave Percy a sleepy smile after staring at him for a few arduous moments. "Percy!" she exclaimed.
"That's me," he answered flatly as he took a seat. Leila curiously regarded his waffles.
Khione glared at his plate. "You're using more syrup allotted to one person." She had an artificial set of teeth made of some glass-like material that glinted harshly as she spoke.
Percy self-consciously pulled his waffles closer and sank a fork into the top one. Butch shrugged. "Not everyone's eating waffles."
"I want some," Leila protested.
"Then let's go," Khione said with a long-suffering sigh. "Why did you even sit down?"
Leila stared at the table and then her. "I sat down…. I sat down because…"
Khione rolled her eyes so hard the ice-blue of her irises almost disappeared. "Never mind, get up."
Octavian danced around them to get to his seat. He had a piece of untoasted bread and his carefully measured OJ. They joined the other latecomers who got the morning showers as he took a seat next to Pollux.
"Good day, Pollux!"
Pollux grumbled something else and feigned realistic-looking interest, except Percy knew for a fact that couldn't be true. He had a strange talent with theater, and cutting stuff with only one hand.
"You all know that Percy is joining our group meeting today, right?" Octavian turned around the table exaggeratedly.
Butch shrugged again. "Not a big deal."
Octavian looked affronted. "That is a big issue he needs to be initiated!" He got a wild look in his eyes. "…a sacrifice—to read his fate!"
H*ll no, Percy thought. Thankfully, Khione and Leila were shuffling back, holding, respectively, a thin dribble of steel-cut oats and three waffles.
Khione muttered, "Ugh." But something flashed in her expression, and when she sat down next to Butch, she clandestinely removed Octavian's knife from his plate.
Percy guessed she was trying to prevent a sacrifice and maybe stab someone in the future, but he didn't understand anyone in this group. Leila, who was hacking at her waffles beside him, had smoked too much marijuana in college and was now somewhat mentally backwards. And she didn't know what her last name was.
Khione was a notorious meth user, better known as ice. Percy assumed she had the creepy set of sparkly teeth because her actual ones fell out from smoking it, but it could've just been to intimidate everyone. Unlike Octavian with his hallucinating, she was recently admitted and her "ice psychosis" was still running at full-tilt. She definitely accused Pollux of being a spy before. As for Octavian, he seemed to never have gotten over seeing things after an entire year here.
Leila made a weird face. "It tastes like egg."
"Waffles have eggs in them!" Octavian exclaimed in exasperation.
Khione regarded her oats with a weird look. She was shifting a tiny mouthful around, like she wanted to test for poison. "I'm not hungry," she muttered.
Everyone looked away when she spat the oats back out, except for Percy, who it was too late for because he was frozen in place. She rubbed her tongue with a napkin.
"If you waste your oatmeal, Ceres will come and haunt you," Octavian hissed softly.
Khione's eyes darted from side to side. She glared like Octavian like, none of your business.
"Will it hurt if you stab him?" Leila asked curiously.
Percy tried not to crawl under the table. He didn't think his place would be good for his mental health. "Please don't," he muttered, but no one listened.
"Oh, it will," Octavian responded darkly. "For her, because the people will rise up in protest and the gods shall avenge me."
Pollux sighed.
"Who are the people?" Leila asked with furrowed eyebrows. Her voice rose. "Why do you keep talking about them?"
Octavian spread his arms, and Khione exaggeratedly recoiled like he was on fire, clutching her overly long, lacey, frost-patterned sleeves. His eyes shone. "The people? They're all here."
Butch pushed in his chair, and everyone jumped at the rattling table. "Guys, we have a meeting soon. Percy's first day," he said in the tone of a tired preschool teacher, inclining his head.
"Oh, you're in our group." Leila gave him the same slow up-and-down.
Percy nodded as he crammed in the last few waffles. He could hear Annabeth's voice in his head, loud and clear: Slow down, Percy. You'll choke.
Well, get me out of here, please. He did not have the pride to care about being rescued and in any scenario he could think of, Annabeth would be striding through the blaze of gunfire. Except she needed her own time. She had more important things to do.
"Jackson, you look like a kicked puppy," Khione snorted. He realized her bowl of oatmeal was suddenly empty.
"I'm fine," he replied automatically. Everyone blinked at him, including Pollux. Percy averted his eyes and moped up the rest of his syrup with a tiny piece of waffle.
"We need to go!" Octavian declared. "I've divined that a lot will be revealed today."
"Ah?" Butch murmured sarcastically.
Percy sprang up, and Leila finally shuffled out of her chair. "Why are your teeth see-through?" she asked Khione all of a sudden. She asked this question every morning.
Khione ignored her as she strutted forward, Pollux also pushing out of the dining room. The nurses in the hallway nervously stepped out of her way, beamed at Percy, and tousled Leila's hair. Nurse Phuong, without fail, hid a snort at Butch's tattoo from inside her patient's room. Other groups were following along, elbowing one another to cross the meeting room hallway first. They all had to squeeze along the wall whenever any breakfast or medicine trollies and emptied stretchers were pushed over.
"This a lot of people," Leila commented in surprise.
Percy straightened as they passed all the turns for the sleeping rooms. He'd been here multiple times, but never to join a proper meeting. Khione smacked open one of the doors.
There were six chairs in a neat sphere. Only three pottery sculptures lined the display shelf, and no crayon drawings were strung up. But there was a small stack of binders on the main table, and some suspicious-looking drawings that had clearly remained too long on the prop-up whiteboard to be properly erased. Facing the doorway was a young woman, in a purple turtleneck and slim jeans, who offered them a casual smile.
"Hi, Gwen," Butch spoke up first.
She waved brightly. Gwen reached for a heavy notebook at her feet, the kind with colorful tabs to mark out different portions. "A new member?" she asked with raised eyebrows. "Percy, right?"
He nodded. Everyone had been setting into seats, and of course, he was located between Octavian and Butch.
Gwen flicked through the pages of her notebook, past endless scribbles and some strange drawings, to the very back. In the corner of his eye, Khione was leaning out of her chair to see inside. Behind the last orange tab, the emptiest section, there were already a few lines on the page.
"I'm really excited to meet you. You look great after…what Dr. Asch tells me a whole week. How have your emotions been so far?"
Well-behaved. Like the calm before a storm. Percy shrugged. "I'm feeling pretty calm now. Kind of sleepy."
Gwen jotted something down and laughed. "Right, because of the insomnia. Well," she reclined back to look at everyone, "since it's Percy's first day, I know Khione must be looking forward to going first instead."
Her head jumped up. She gave Percy an icy glare that he uncomfortably looked away from.
Gwen had been too occupied flipping through a new section. "Alright. When did it start for you? How did you meet your dealer?"
Khione drummed her cotton slippers on the floor. Percy got to keep his sneakers, but he vaguely remembered her entering rehab in that same crown and freaky glass-like stilettos. (By far, not the wildest outfit he'd seen. There was someone in an actual loincloth around their waist.) All sharp, weapon-like objects were removed from the grasp of the patients, so Octavian's long nails had to be clipped weekly and they used blunt toddler-safe utensils.
"He was visiting my dad for business stuff." Percy could now recall someone leading her inside—an older man with a nice suit and windswept hair. "We had our first exchange in a parking lot."
Leila snorted. Gwen frowned. "Is there something important you'd like to share, Leila?"
"That's such a cliché," she said in a mocking, vaguely Valley Girl-toned voice.
Khione turned her frosty gaze in a new direction. "It was our house's parking lot. My dad's limos don't fit in a normal driveway."
Butch subtly rolled his eyes.
Gwen leaned in with folded hands. "Why did you start? It's okay to be honest about personal issues, Khione."
"I was bored." Her voice was flat. "My dad made me go outside to say goodbye and I saw something in the passenger seat. I tried some and it was pretty chill."
Percy distantly wondered if Khione was really trying to act like the Ice Queen or just normally like that.
Gwen nodded. "Thanks. Leila, what about you? What do you remember?"
Leila was the youngest, a college dropout, and Percy was pretty sure she first used pot in high school, but her forehead still wrinkled as she tried to think of something so recent.
Octavian stood up, his chair squeaking behind him. "Shouldn't it be Percy's turn?" He smirked. "And maybe we should go through any crimes he would want to get off his chest first."
Gwen turned to him. "That is something we're ready to listen to. If you ever want to share, I can say that no one will judge."
Her optimism was like a noose around his neck. He was screaming soundlessly inside as everything welled up. I've been ruining everyone's lives. Nico's sister is dead. Beck and Silena are dead. I tried to save my mother, and she—was killed.
But that was the thing about the world. It forced you to show nothing, to go on. Gwen smiled encouragingly.
"Actually, can I just say…this wasn't the first time, but I thought my friend didn't care about me anymore. I was scared. And she's really worried about me now, so," he gestured to himself, in rehab.
Everyone stared at him. It was so easy talking about Annabeth. But the relief was short-lived. He felt his gut seizing up; maybe no one was sincere here and only Gwen would pay attention and he wouldn't have anyone to sit with at lunch. But Gwen nodded eagerly.
"She sounds like she cares about you a lot." She looked around the circle. Octavian had his eyebrows raised incredulously. "I'm sure that felt good."
His poster child glory faded eventually when Leila jutted her chin forward. "I can remember that my friends asked me to. I told them it smelled bad, but I listened to them for some reason. I don't have a dealer. There was this guy who worked with me, umm, on making coffee I think?"
"Your first job as a barista," Gwen reminded her. Percy had a feeling it was also her last job.
Octavian was staring at him again. "When did you start?" he demanded. "How did you recover so quickly?"
Gwen cleared her throat. "Please leave the questions to me. Would you like to answer that, Percy?"
She had his medical information, he realized. Everyone seemed to know it. At least no one would expect him to get better. They had never known anything else from him. "This was my most recent overdose. I've been using for a few years now. And I detoxed completely last time."
"And you, Octavian?" Gwen continued. She almost seemed annoyed, which would be a first.
"It was a solar eclipse!" he exclaimed. "A day destined by the gods."
"Who?" Leila asked again.
"It was by the ocean, and the fog was so thick, like it was hiding mere mortals from witnessing the sight. Power descended on me and I could see the future."
Khione looked at him like he was the craziest thing ever.
"It was an accidental acid trip," Gwen explained with a sigh to Percy. "Some of his new friends were using it as they watched."
"Not friends!" Octavian snapped. "Legions."
"Is he still on an acid trip?" Leila asked warily.
"No, he's on the path to recovery at Sunny Mountain. Everyone has their own pace," Gwen asked smoothly, sounding like she once memorized the website's home page.
"What the heck happened to the asylum?" Khione questioned irritably.
Gwen's expression grew tight. "That is a decision for his family. But he refuses to see them." She spoke lowly, so Octavian wouldn't overhear, but he jumped in his seat.
"I don't need their permission! I'm an oracle and an augur! Rome has never fallen…it is the immortal empire and it needs me!" His pale face was getting flushed as he ranted.
"Octavian, we are all aware of how important you are." Gwen pulled out her phone and rattled off a quick text. "Everything will get better if you calm down."
Her calm, optimistic voice was lulling. They listened to Pollux's one-word answers until Nurse Nyakio stormed inside the room. "Where is that babbling—" she cut herself off with a frown when she saw him. "Oh. Come on, let's go back to your room."
Octavian scowled. "I'm not missing the all-important meeting Percy's attending for the first time. There are some things a whole group has to be present to hear."
Nurse Nyakio didn't blink. "Come on, buster. You have some questions to answer about the things we found inside your bed."
Octavian's expression filled with shock. "Oh." He shuffled outside with her.
Gwen brightly turned to Butch. "So. Why did you try your first drug?"
"It was in my drink. And I was thirsty."
"Yeah, that happens."
-line break-
Their group meetings were long. They had a break for recreation, room cleaning, or playing in the game room, and usually some big event in the evening, but when the paling afternoon glow seeped through the windows, Percy's chair already had a deep indent in it.
Butch still carried a heavy whiff of Febreze around with him. They'd gone through a whole string of discussion questions, heard too much about Leila's personal experiences sharing the bathroom with five other rooms (apparently there was a catfight every other day involving water), and Gwen told them to share whatever anecdotes they wanted.
Octavian had gotten back from resting at the room, and without fail, pointed at Percy. "Why doesn't he go first?"
There were some groans and eye rolls. Percy anticipated Gwen turning his direction. She smiled slightly. "Well, it's true, you haven't been here long. What's happened to you before Sunny Mountain?"
He said with a very straight face, "I attended a Christmas party." But his steeled expression didn't last. PAWS struck.
Percy felt his breaths growing rapid as tears clogged up his windpipe. Something blinding and electric wire-hot struck through his mind. He couldn't make out any of his thoughts.
"Percy?" Gwen ventured delicately.
He answered with his face downturned and a voice that sounded shaky to his ears, "It was fun. Lots of food. I got together with some old friends."
"And then?" Leila asked, nonplussed.
A familiar and awfully new instinct welled up. Tell someone. Pass it along. I don't want to hold it inside. His thoughts were strangely, narrated by Annabeth. After meeting Reyna, he realized again it was crazy what he came up with. He genuinely thought he could feel better that way? How did he witness that working so many times?
"Would you like a moment?" Gwen was asking.
Percy shook his head. Maybe it did work. Reyna was proud of him now. Somehow. Didn't he have every reason to listen to Annabeth? "No, it's good. My friend helped me quit. She went to the beach with me." His thoughts were too jumbled. He couldn't arrange them chronologically, and his voice was lowering with every sentence. Only Gwen and Butch could probably hear "When I overdosed, she came across the country. And I forgot to tell her something, and her criminal record was ruined. I told her I liked her."
Gwen's mouth was open slightly. "And then what happened?" Octavian exploded.
She stood up abruptly. "You know what guys, let's start coloring. I have a new set of crayons." She fetched a few arts and crafts things from a low cabinet, blew the dust off from the stack on the table, and handed out a sheet of paper to everyone.
"Draw your fantasy," she tossed out randomly, and then scooted her chair closer to Percy's. Leila also set her chair across from him, but she sat fairly silently, and Gwen let her stay.
"Thank you for saying that." She grinned. "There's a lot your counselor could probably tell you more about, but a lot of relationship advice benefits from group discussion. Or, at least, we had to listen to a lecture about that. What would be your best reason to get together with her?"
"Uh." He blinked.
"She knows more than him," Leila suggested.
Percy inclined his head. "There's that."
Gwen laughed. "But what can you give to her?"
"Absolutely nothing," he sighed.
"What? I meant as a friend."
"Stop using," he answered, because that was usually the right answer.
Leila shook her head. "You're not using now," she said flatly.
Gwen waved her pen in the air. "Stop giving her a reason to worry about you! You need to be collected!"
"Does she like you?" It was a different voice. Butch's. He was leaning over curiously. He had a beautiful picture of a horse-riding track on his paper.
Percy felt a knot in his stomach loosen. This was not public fodder. But it was so easy to discuss.
"Um. Not really. Maybe? I don't think so."
"You don't sound sure at all," Leila interjected sagely.
"What? What are you discussing without me?" Octavian burst out.
Khione's eyebrows arched sky-high. "Is this a conspiracy?"
"No!" Gwen impatiently waved her notebook to shoo them away, and spun back to Percy. "Your drawings aren't colorful enough."
-line break-
So his group turned out to be a bunch of psychotics or drama-loving gossips. And it was kind of nice.
His "street" friends had the same kind of priorities and worries as him, and his adopted group of Annabeth's golden friends had gone through plenty of issues, but his rehab motley crew he would never call friends understood a certain part of him. And they had those talks together.
If he brought up an overdose, there was no sympathy or annoyance. Whenever Pollux muttered, "I could really use a drink" after one of Octavian's rants, no one had to give him a lecture, they just laughed. And though Butch was good at recreation (but he'd definitely done steroids before), everyone else in their groups was pretty much as scrawny as him, with those heroin addicts that gasped for morphine after a lap, and Octavian, who could hardly do a push-up. They could share all the idiotic things they'd done to get a new fix (unfortunately, Percy's only story was ditching his friends in a steam room that Leila wanted to try) over lunch and not have someone give a double-take and dial the police.
For the record, what won out was that Khione had apparently stuffed five cops in a freezer and decided to escape in her dealer's car—with a month's stash—to America.
Perhaps Sunny Mountain did something to one's humor.
He saw them every day, and so far, he'd seen Drew once to do his mental analysis (with Dr. Asch present, thankfully), which determined he only needed a couple of counselling sessions a week. But Nurse Arihi had swung by during his Go Fish round with Pollux in the game room and announced Dr. Tanaka was ready to see him.
Butch stared in his direction while Octavian let out his hyena laugh.
"Thanks, Arihi." He set down his about-to-win cards to Pollux, whose expression didn't so much as twitch, and followed her outside.
Her arm made as if to reflexively grab something, and then she shared with him a warm grin. "Right, no more IV. We'll just have to get through PAWS. I hear you're not crying all the time, good job."
Percy winced. He'd been sobbing a lot more. More than from his stay-at-home detox. But maybe it was because social standards were lower here, or he was trying not to think about…things he wasn't trying to think about. "Thank you, I guess."
She chuckled as the counselling offices came into view. "I know you're trying to get out as soon as possible. But use well the time you have here. We like having you here."
Percy was aware Nurse Arihi was just being uncharacteristically nice because Drew's office loomed before them.
"I'll see you," he sighed.
"Yeah." She left the door open behind her with a wink.
Drew's office had narrow windows, so she loomed in the darkness. "Good day, Percy." She stood up, her maroon bodycon dress rippling over her hips. The glued-on gems of her scarily long nails glittered when she waved.
Percy slowly made his way into the seat. She sat back down and leaned in. Her perfume was heavily tinged with flowers and alcohol. "What do you want to do today?" she asked suggestively.
"What are we supposed to do?" he tried to ask back casually.
Drew cocked her head with a smirk, but Percy averted his eyes. He noticed a shirtless blond dude on her calendar. "Fine," she said, almost huffily. "Why don't we start with some interpretive speech?"
Percy furrowed his eyebrows. "What?"
Drew pinched a notepad from her desk. It looked impossible for her to hold anything. She pushed through some of the pages. "Hm. I'll say something, and you have to tell me what you just thought of. Don't try messing with me," she murmured with a taunting grin.
He clenched his teeth and nodded.
Her eyes dug into his. He felt a sudden spark of nervousness. "Peace?" she asked flatly.
"Um. War?" He winced as her eyes glimmered. "I mean, absence of war."
Drew flapped her head. "Oh, that's fine, honey. War is an expression of love. Innocence?"
"Card games." What really came to mind was young Nico, with his Mythomagic cards, and then getting cheated by the Stolls, time after time. Nico, who was pissed at him. The Stolls, who were going to work without him.
She rested her chin on her hand. "Isn't that interesting. And happiness?"
My mom sat on the tip of his tongue, but his mouth didn't open. Drew fluttered her extremely long lashes. "Is that too difficult to think of?" she asked consolingly.
Percy wanted to stare at the ceiling. "No," he bit out. "My friends inside a car." Beck's car, for some reason, with Silena and Annabeth crowded inside.
"Right." She tapped her pen against her plump lower lip but stopped when she realized he wasn't paying attention. She grasped another page. "What about sorrow?" Her eyes widened dramatically.
It was a two-fold image: a clear white t-shirt with a few paint splotches, then Annabeth's suitcase. He swallowed the thought away and stared at her head-on.
"Well? Come on, Percy, why would you keep something from me?" Her eyes narrowed, like she suspected something.
He didn't want to spend any longer on, but he also was not saying that to her. "A grave," he responded plaintively.
Annabeth's suitcase probably did carry clothing. But she was a sparse packer, and if she took a medium-sized suitcase for a weekend away, there had to be other things she wanted for the trip. Maybe a gift for her dad, extra space for that Dutch Crunch bread or other San Francisco goodies. Nothing she would actually get to do.
And then there was Rachel's shirt. D*mn. He hadn't thought of her in a while. She wore one of her nicest shirts to their last date, and he laughed because she had a white shirt in the first place. They broke up, and the last time he saw her in person was the back of her white shirt, with the slight ridge of her wing bones and all the speckles of forest green paint along the hem.
Drew had a dark eyebrow arched up. "Ah. I'm so sorry, Percy," she whispered. Her hand was suddenly on his arm.
He tried not to recoil like she just burned him, but her reaction to his flinch was washed all over her face. Pity. Annoyance. Maybe even a little fear. His mouth soured.
Drew folded her hands together smoothly, like they were too precious for him to touch again. "Well." She didn't consult the notepad again. "Romance?"
Percy's eyebrows raised. He didn't like the way her eyes were tracing him. "What? What does that have to do with this?" he waved his hand around in an attempt to cover whatever they were doing.
"I'm trying to learn more about you," Drew said, dragging out the words like he couldn't hear. "What came to mind?"
Annabeth Chase's set of mugs and her soft touch and her sun-streaked, lemon-scented hair and her secretive side glances and the feel of her lips on his cheek. He didn't want Drew to know anything about his personal life, and he also didn't want to get chased in this cat-and-mouse game he never chose to be a part of.
"My wife," he spat out forcibly.
Drew recoiled herself, like she was allergic to committed relationships, and her eyes flicked down to his hand. She recovered pretty quickly and only eyed him with a slightly different look. "I see. Well, that's it for the interpretive speech. But," she leaned in, "I do have something for you."
Drew reached over to her cabinet in a very unnatural position that was probably meant to display her figure or something, but Percy had learned his lesson with Khione earlier and looked away as soon as possible. He only glanced back at an exaggeratedly pouting Drew holding out a scratched Moleskin notebook.
"It's a gratitude journal," she murmured like it was a secret.
Percy stared at it and stiffened when her fingers reached out to brush his. Percy felt a small tremor wrack him and dropped his hands in his lap. Drew only smiled brightly.
"Every day, I'd like you to fill out five things you're grateful for." She flashed all her fingers of one hand to spell it out for him, and then reached across to his side of the table to hook up the cover with one of her nails. The shininess of the nail polish was almost blinding. The actual notebook was plain, with little dashes across the top.
"You'll write the date here," she tapped a nail against the dashes, "and show me all five when we see each other, okay?"
Percy blinked at her for a moment, and she placed a pen besides his notebook. And then she spread herself over the tabletop. "Do you need help, Percy?"
"I'm fine," he answered sharply, snatching the notebook from the desk and clicking his pen. He could feel her gaze resting heavily on him as he struggled to write something down.
His annoyance was gathering up. He didn't have anything to be grateful for in this stupid place. More importantly, he was stuck with this obsessed, most-likely-as-crazy-as-the-rest-of-them quote unquote counselor. When he once had Annabeth, who was most likely leading a much better life without him, who would definitely be stunned and possibly aghast at being referred to as his wife—even if it was mostly to spite Drew, who he missed way too horribly.
His head pounded. Percy kicked back his chair and stormed outside. His racing heartbeat exacerbated. The nearest nurse, Jalilah, was grinning at something on her phone in the next hallway. She never got involved with him, but she used to stand guard over another cocaine addict that brushed his teeth next to Percy in the mornings.
"Hi," he said, panting slightly in nervousness. Low waves of anxiety were riding over each other in his stomach. They're going to kick me out and I'll never find someone who listens to me again and she always just pitied me she would never like me and what even matters if she did her best friend thinks I'm a bad influence. "Can I stop counselling?" he managed to get out.
Nurse Jalilah tucked her phone away immediately and straightened. It took her a split second to recognize him. "Um. No?"
Percy breathed out a sigh. "Sorry. I just want a break. I went in there, I don't know, half an hour ago, could I just return to my room for a moment?"
Nurse Jalilah peered at him. "Counselling sessions only last thirty minutes. You're free, but you should probably say something," she gestured vaguely to the still-open doorway, "and wait for whoever to pick you up."
He slouched slightly. In the distance, he saw Drew race out of her room. He ducked inside a closed doorway. "I don't want to go back," he muttered. He wanted to curl up on his bed and forget this godforsaken place and all the thoughts it was bringing.
Nurse Jalilah spoke a little more tenderly. "I'm not supposed to coddle you. Tell Dr. Tanaka you have to go. You can wait outside afterwards." She continued leaning against the hallway, waiting for him to go in.
Percy crossed his arms and waited for his nurse to relieve him. Drew had peered both ways and went back inside her office with hunched shoulders. A few nurses he didn't recognize passed by, and Nurse Jalilah still stared at him insistently. "Can I go to Dr. Asch to ask for a new counselor?"
Nurse Jalilah shook her head. "Sorry man, but they're all pretty busy. Come on."
Percy opened his mouth to explain all his very valid reasons why he would probably be better off without one at all, but Nurse Jalilah held up a hand and rolled her eyes.
"All of the counselors are trying in their own ways. I know that for a fact." With that, she spun on her heel and headed to Drew's office. Percy raced after her and decided to stumble through the doorway before she could say something embarrassing.
Drew had just folded herself into her chair, a Cheshire magenta-colored grin that spread all the way into her cheeks. "Well, Percy, I didn't know you'd get angry. Do you need to cool off?"
"No. I needed a break."
"Oh, that's fine," she purred. She was laying it on extra thick. Percy suddenly felt a random thread of guilt he immediately pushed away. He hardly cared about her feelings.
"Thanks for the notebook." He picked it up and hugged it loosely to his chest.
Drew dipped her chin into a nod. "Well, it belongs to you now," she said, but she laid her hand on herself.
Percy blinked multiple times. Finally, he decided to say, "Drew, I'm sure there are better people for….," he cleared his throat and decided not to try and figure out whatever she wanted, "than me, and I want you to stop if we're going to get through more months of this. Thanks." He pushed the chair in and strode out, maybe a little hurriedly so she wouldn't have a chance to reply.
Nurse Jalilah squinted at him. "What did you do?" Her pocket started vibrating intensely. A flush immediately seeped through her warm brown skin.
He felt a smirk pull at unfamiliar muscles on his face. "And what's that?"
She frowned, and finally pulled out her phone, maybe to make up for forcing him inside. From an angle, Percy could see that there were fifteen texts from Cillian, the only male nurse at Sunny Mountain. The top one read: "wat did i do wrong *sad whimpering emoji*". Nurse Jalilah pressed the screen of her phone to her chest. "Nothing."
She was waiting for him, Percy realized. He felt a tiny bit of warmth inside. And then Nurse Florence's notoriously squeaky shoes were echoing down the hallway.
"Your first meeting with Doctor Tanaka, huh? How'd it go?" She grinned and then eyeballed the empty space his IV normally stood.
Percy exchanged a gaze with Nurse Jalilah, whose fingers were clearly poised to write a response. "It was alright. I'd like to go back to my room, thanks. And is there really no other counselor?"
Nurse Florence cocked her head. "You're not supposed to switch, sorry, Mr. Jackson. I'll take you back to your room."
He glanced back one last time, and Nurse Jalilah was grinning in the glow of her phone screen.
-line break-
It turned out Octavian decided not to join movie night with the rest of everyone else. Percy's plans of burying his face into his blankets and thinking about nothing were swiped away when he saw the giant Popsicle-stick temple Octavian was building in the middle of the floor. It looked rather realistic, and he wondered what Annabeth would think about it.
Except thinking the name Annabeth felt like a stab in his heart. Percy turned to Nurse Florence and asked quietly, "Can I go outside instead?"
Nurse Florence rolled her eyes. "Jeez, y'all get pickier every day. All right, hurry it up, Mr. Jackson."
He accidentally wondered aloud what she had to do instead as they headed for the doorway, and Nurse Florence snorted. "Another one of your brethren needs her daily methadone pills."
He wasn't feeling bothered by being bunched-together with other heroin addicts. Percy could remember that. The morning at the diner where he could make himself eat and when she touched his wrist. When he was thinking he would never leave a session with her for anything. Something twisted by his heart.
There were some lawn chairs set by the guardhouse, and Nurse Florence unceremoniously dragged one over. "He's just borrowing it!" she called back. "Also, Jim, keep an eye on him."
Percy sat down and awkwardly waved back at Nurse Florence as she headed inside. It was freezing. Nothing moved on the road before him. The cold air bit into his sluggish, weepy thoughts, but his blood also seemed to stop flowing into his fingers. Maybe he should've considered bringing the Odyssey, which he never took out of his duffel, except he hardly felt like concentrating on anything. He brought his knees up to his chest, and hoping Jim didn't feel too bothered at his sneakers on the lawn chair, rested his face on his jeans.
Percy didn't want to put everything into "depressed." But it was probably the only thing to describe him. He was too tired for all of his. He couldn't be here. Maybe this torment was what he deserved, because he would relish in disappearing. Maybe he would be doing a favor if he stopped seeing everybody and sunk away into this forgotten institution, and could finally save the people he loved.
"Percy?" someone called out.
He lifted his head like it weighed a million tons and blearily looked up to see Nurse Rosa. She seemed a little surprised to see him, but she was also holding out something. His blanket.
Percy gratefully mustered a small smile for her. He couldn't hold it in place for long and ducked his chin as he wrapped it around himself. Nurse Rosa dragged another chair over and handed him something new—a mug of chamomile tea.
Percy felt something warm whispering down his cheek.
"Oh, honey," Nurse Rosa didn't even bother to be subtle, "what is it?"
He wanted to say "nothing," but he couldn't bring himself to do so. "I don't want to go back outside," he whispered, trying to discreetly wipe the tear away.
Nurse Rosa sighed. "I thought you might've wanted to escape," she said with a small laugh. "Percy, it's okay that you're not ready. We all need time."
"Yeah, but nothing will be the same anymore." Nurse Rosa began talking about how little other people's views should matter, but he was thinking about the first time Annabeth served him tea while he was falling asleep. Neither of them were the same person, and of course that was to be expected, but what about their relationship? Could they still be friends if he just went and admitted he liked her? "It's broken," he muttered.
Nurse Rosa paused. "What is?" she asked tenderly.
"My relationships. All of them." Something was burning behind his eyes.
She only nodded. "Me too."
He turned.
"Well, I never got trained for this, so I'll just tell you some you can fix easily and some you just won't. Be happy you've got the time you've got to be sad about it." She reached out and patted the arm of his chair. "When you've got mouths to feed, there's no more time." She pushed herself up with a grunt, like she was proving her point. "I have to check on Pollux, his pee is being a little weird."
Percy couldn't help making a face, and she laughed.
"Take care of yourself, okay, Percy? Dinner's in an hour, come inside if you're cold. My pay will be docked if someone drops dead." She grinned mischievously and headed back inside.
And because he never stopped thinking about her, he thought that Annabeth would never leave him alone outside. Maybe there were no guards to watch him, or she just felt more comfortable keeping someone company than Nurse Rosa, but he did have to take care of himself. He didn't even have the papers to sign in to Sunny Mountain.
Less than an hour later, he went inside and jiggled beneath a heating vent for a while to warm up, and then crept into the movie room to sit beside Butch. And they headed to dinner together.
-line break-
Percy consciously knew at the back of his mind that he was running out of time. He would have to celebrate New Year's at Sunny Mountain.
The groups stuck doing arts and crafts on December 31st complained loudly during meals about all the decorations they had to make. The nurses were sporting party hats with little pompoms, and the beautiful handiwork of those groups were strewn all across the building. They got Eggs Benedict and Lucky Charms for breakfast, which of course caused a minor commotion with Khione and Leila. But it was all deliciously unhealthy.
Gwen blew a little party popper as they trooped into her room. She was standing that morning, and there were little streamers and balloons drawn onto her prop-up whiteboard. "Hey people! I'm so excited for today!" She pointed her popper at Butch. "Guess what we're doing!"
Leila burst in. "New Year's Resolutions," she hedged. She had been here for a while.
Gwen clapped. "Great job! Yeah, and we'll be discussing hopeful visions for the next year, and the best things we've done so far."
Percy sat down and murmured to Butch, "So, how do we celebrate here?" His roommates usually ordered fried chicken and knocked back copious amounts of beer as they watched the ball down. He remembered sitting as far as he could from Harvey and nibbling on a piece, though over the years he would just go to bed early because their Christmas break at Freidman's ended then.
Gwen's eyes flickered to them, but she continued pressing Pollux for answers. Butch shrugged. "There's a snack table for those who can eat from it and we gather together to hear a speech from Mr. Janus. The ball drop is recorded for tomorrow morning."
Percy hoped his disdain or incredulity didn't show. "Oh."
Butch's eyes gleamed with humor. "If you really want to stay up, Dr. Windley can get you a pass. She's been getting a lot of complaints though, so I don't know it that'll work."
Gwen finished with, "I know New Year's a drinking holiday, but it never has to be one! I know you'll have a much better time without alcohol, Pollux." She smiled when he gave her a slow nod. Then she turned to Octavian. "So, what went well this year?"
"A lot! I predicted the storm, even though no one listened! And I think my food sacrifices were well-received—"
"Wait." Gwen looked aghast. "Where did you get the fire?"
The rest of the day flew by. They still had to do recreation, but at least it was just walking around the green space, nothing too strenuous, while their supervisor "Coach" Hedge yelled at them to move faster. And then for dinner, they had barbecued ribs, sweet potato fries, string beans, and orange slices. The whole dining room happily applauded when wobbly trays of custards were set outside, and then it became a mosh pit as they fought for pieces.
Percy had a flashback to the Christmas dinner, but it was hardly the same. The whole group of crazed ex-drug addicts only got dessert on holidays, and some of them definitely enjoyed hitting for the fun of it. Khione was threatening to headbutt anyone with her spiky crown if they were in the way; every single burly guy but Butch was elbowing like mad, and Percy may have broken someone's nose with his bony shoulder.
The cafeteria chefs were still yelling that everyone had a piece when they finally got settled down, after the involvement of nurses. One of Khione's 24-hour supervising nurses, Tanya, scowled at their entire table for the rest of dinner. Finally, Percy followed everyone outside in the stream to the assembly room.
Mr. Janus had a messy pile of papers he kept straightening, and the thuds kept broadcasting into his microphone, cutting off some of his words, and Percy's eyes had glazed over after a few moments. He left the stage eventually and someone put on a litany of Steven Spielberg movies. The nurses had put out some snacks, and Pollux seemed to incline his head at Percy to go browse through while E.T. played.
Coincidentally, Nurse Cillian was waiting by the table closest to the end of the row. Percy eyed him and grinned.
"Uh, hullo," Nurse Cillian said back in his undeniably charming Irish accent. "Would you like something?"
Percy was just imagining him acting out the whimpering emoji. "No, I'm good."
Nurse Cillian spread his hands out over the food. "Why are you here, then?"
Pollux stood forward and lightly rolled his eyes at Percy. "Drinks?" he asked lowly, pointing at the rows of paper cups with his only hand.
Nurse Cillian leaned over with clearly brilliant abdominal strength and straightened. "Is ginger ale okay?"
Pollux nodded and took a slow sip. Nurse Cillian turned back to Percy. "So?"
His eyes fell on rows of buttery yellow, cinnamon-dusted cookies. "Snickerdoodles!" he gasped, while trying not to seem to obviously happy.
Nurse Cillian kindly pushed five onto his plate. "And would you like some apple juice to go with that?" he asked ironically. On the screen behind them, the characters were going out for trick-o-treating.
"Actually, I'd like some Coke, thanks."
"Wow, big boy drink," Nurse Arihi muttered from her station, and winked at Percy.
Pollux made to head back, but Percy definitely had more to do. He faced Nurse Cillian square-on. "I hope you don't like her just because you're both stuck here," he said, paraphrasing the reason he fell for Rachel and Annabeth. Because they were the only girls who showed any interest in him, and he wanted someone to wipe all his issues away, but those were only slight differences. "And, like a wise guy once told me, don't wait for the perfect time. It might never come."
Nurse Cillian was squinting at him with a blush tinging his cheeks, and Nurse Arihi and Pollux were both gawking, so Percy first scooched back across the row to get to his seat.
They went through three more movies and most of the snacks before everyone was getting lulled to sleep by the screen's hazy light and dimness across the auditorium. But then the staff gathered together to yell, "Happy New Year!" startling the whole crowd, and they were shuttled back to their rooms.
Percy definitely felt an ache that Annabeth would stay up with her pets or maybe the Valdezes and Reyna for a few more hours, and they would have their own countdown, and he would wake up for another year without her there like he'd done so every other year but suddenly found it empty without her, and that he would have to push through his resolutions without her guidance, and of course, the idea that this was for her good. Which he knew it was.
Soon, he thought, curling under his blankets and uselessly shutting his eyes, maybe I'll be better, and I can see her again, and it'll be easier to stop thinking about everything else.
When you start shipping some random OCs because you forcibly removed the other member of your OTP from the chapter *facepalm*. (Sorry, I've been reading too many Percy Jackson memes on Pinterest.) So, some more trivia. Unfortunately, I forgot about the specific etymology (root meaning), but Nyakio is a Kenyan name, Arihi is from the Pacific Islands, Jalilah is Islamic/Arabic, and Cillian is Irish. Rosa is Hispanic, if you didn't know. Also, Strawberry Hill is from Crash Course (Literature!), which John Green's younger version apparently couldn't even stomach a bottle of, BUT also references the strawberries Castor and Pollux used to grow in CHB.
Okay, for the news. Since I seem to really enjoy making the same mistakes over and over—not researching a topic before plunging into a fic and then rewriting them with remotely more accuracy (my previous multi-chap is a good example ;)), I'm doing it again! Not a multi-chap, I like most of this plot well enough. I'll just release a oneshot in my oneshot collection Prompts and More Prompts, titled "The Ugly Truth Behind 'Therapy' by me" :). When it's done, I'll include the link.
Review replies:
Mr. Gilborg: I'm glad you liked it! Yes, Reyna and Annabeth do have a more complicated relationship, more should be revealed in the future. Writing Annabeth's "break in perfection" was definitely fun, I'm so glad I can use more character now and honestly, when you mentioned the things that were revealed about her, I was just thinking, "You guys don't know that?" Yeah, I need to get out of my head more.
No, I totally understand, I don't like Octavian or Drew either. I just imagined rehab to be a pretty unpleasant experience for Percy, since he's being forced to go clean, and the other characters might as well continue that for him. (Or something. I don't even know my reasoning.) It was Castor who died in the Battle of the Labyrinth *inserts citation for the wikia* and no, I did not consider killing Octavian to be dark. I originally thought both of them died and was going to casually bring up their alcohol poisoning in an obituary Percy would read once he was out of rehab. But I don't want to write a direct death, never been a fan of working in that area, so yeah, he's just going to *spoiler* disappear… (By the way, Lee made an appearance in an earlier chapter, and you guys can just assume he died during that street fight.) And I think I've been following the canon's deaths closely. It's not like ToA is real or anything. No, seriously. Denial is the earliest stage of grief.
And about climaxes, thank you for being nice about it, I definitely think cliffhangers would probably make this better. It's kind of been one of those higher-level things to me, and also I'm a sucker for happy endings, but a lot more stuff is happening in a short expanse of chapters so yeah, hopefully things get more interesting! I'll do my best. And I enjoy your reviews so much, you don't even know, editing this has been really great so totally looking forward to hearing your final thoughts! I have put bits of foreshadowing and other stuff everywhere, so maybe that'll be fun to look for (or I'm just a horrible nerd).
For the last part, about Thalia or maybe Reyna being able to connect more easily…that's a really interesting perspective on things. But I mean, neither of them used drugs either? I won't spoil it for you, but relationship dynamics will change a little. And they are all valuable to him of course, so yeah. And you're totally coherent, don't worry about that, I get so much from your reviews!
Guest: I'm going to take that as a compliment so thanks a lot! I'll save you the trouble, I'm currently inhabiting an abandoned Roman fort somewhere in the Swiss Alps with a pack of 20 or so guard dogs (mostly German shepherds and some border collies). No, I wish. I will definitely try to update faster, I'm so sorry about how slow this was, but my first draft kind of sucked. And a lot will be happening, though I am writing a lot daily, so this is totally inconclusive. I really will try, though. I hope you liked this chapter, and thanks again!
Guest (Sorry I have no way of differentiation; I just like to think of you as the nice one;)): Hey! Thanks for your nice review! Ah, no, the stuff I found less important would be watching mindless TV or something, which is somewhat enjoyable but not useful in any way. I didn't really mind the other review, I do stick to my own pace (you actually happened to review on the same day I was going to post) but I could definitely do better than two-three weeks. It's totally your choice to read or not, I definitely do not hold anything against you, hopefully you're having fun with college!