The Snape Rap
By stealacandy
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I don't know how to teach, nor I ever try,
I just ignore my students since they are such small fry.
No I don't know how to teach, nor do care to learn,
And there's nothing you can do but grumble and moan.
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I have such a big ego that it's driven me mad
But do not pity me, for I made my own bed.
I can't teach to save my life, I'm a big dunderhead
So I just strut around and bully students instead.
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I demand much respect, though deserve little to none,
I'm despicable and vile, and I'm not nearly done.
As a matter of fact, I am having so much fun,
That my abuse of you all has only just begune.
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My name is Snape, Snape, Snivellus Snape,
Don't you forget,
My name is Snape, Snape - that's professor Snivellus for you -
Snape the degenerate.
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I give preferential treatment to future Death Eaters
I really do treat them well, those nasty cheaters.
While making the rest so miserable and wretched
They wish they were in the seventh pit of Hell instead.
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I'm a lousy excuse for human excrement
and the only reason Albus keeps me is that we are both bent
So I'll keep bullying and abusing, and he'll keep paying my rent
And I'm never gonna stop, because I really really can't.
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My name is Snape, Snape, Snivellus Snape,
Please commemorate,
My name is Snape, Snape - that's professor Snivellus for you -
Snape the degenerate.
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I will make you downcast, and leave you heartbroken
So complain if you must, but I have so spoken
Your plight doesn't bother me for I have no emotions,
And you can kiss your education goodbye, for you'll never learn potions.
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And just for even breathing you'll serve detention for a weak,
I can give it to you 'cause I'm strong and you're week
So let this be your lesson - do what's easy, not what's right:
Always give up, never stand up and fight.
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My name is Snape, Snape, Snivellus Snape,
You'd do well to recollect
My name is Snape, Snape - that's professor Snivellus for you -
Snape the degenerate.
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The next generation of Death Eaters now grows thanks to me,
Next to all their future victims and their culprits to be.
No one can stop me, no one even tries
And I'll keep my unholy hold on Albus 'till the day he dies.
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So take your whining somewhere else and stay out of my way
Because if you do not, I will make you rue the day
That you decided to cross me - and I'll use foul play.
And that, gentlemen, is really all I had to say.
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My name is Snape, Snape, Snivellus Snape,
Do recognize
My name is Snape, Snape - that's professor Snivellus for you -
Or I'll cut out your eyes.
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(dropping microphone) Snivellus has left the building.
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A/N:
1. It's a cool song as a stand alone, but I also envision it as a prank someone pulls on him (The Weasly twins? Harry Potter?) to make him sing it in the great hall or something. Maybe that'll get Dumbledore to actually think of the damage his pet Death Eater is inflicting on his charges' education and well-being.
2. Sorry about all the dots.. I haven't uploaded anything in years, and using the new interface I can't figure how to add empty spaces in linebreaks. Enter and shift=enter didn't work, so I just added dots. It did the trick.