"I'm not strong like you were," Kagome sniffled miserably as she stared up into the branches of the Sacred Tree, "I don't know how you acted so calm when you found out Naraku killed Kikyo. Well not calm but...but how you weren't falling apart. Or maybe you were and just hid it."
A single tear slid down her cheek but she didn't bother wiping it away, "I am sorry for being upset about Kikyo. I think...I think I understand why you acted like you did. I'd do anything to be with you again."
An echo of his snarky voice reverberated in her head chiding her for her turn of phrase.
"I'm not going to do anything stupid, Inuyasha," Kagome laughed shakily as she pulled her knees tighter against her chest, "I'm just saying I understand a little better why you chased after her for so long is all. To love someone and have them ripped away from you when things were going so well. I don't know how you managed to move on at all. I feel...I feel like..."
Another tear slid down her cheek as she tried to put into words what she was feeling.
"I don't know if I will be able to move on, you know?" Kagome tried hoarsely, "I know its only been a month and its probably too soon to say but...but...god I just don't know how you did it. I wouldn't blame you at all if you still love her. Not that...not that I think you don't love me but I'd get it if you did. You won't get any judgment from me."
Closing her eyes, Kagome focused on the wind kissing her skin and for a moment, allowed herself to pretend it was his way of comforting her. That he was, as Shippo said, still watching her and protecting her from all threats - real or imagined.
"I love you. You know that, right?" she mumbled after a soft sob as she titled her face into the wind.
Maybe she was officially losing it but for a moment, she could've sworn she felt a pulse of youkai that could only belong to him. From the great beyond he found a way to let her know he loved her as well. Maybe he was waiting for her in the future. Reincarnated and waiting for her to find him.
That thought struck her as odd and made her stomach churn. That line of thinking struck a little too close to home. It was entirely possible that he only fell in love with her because she had the same soul.
"I understand if you only loved me because I'm Kikyo. Maybe...maybe if I find you again, it would be like that. At least we'd be together, you know?" Kagome whispered to the wind before chuckling when she felt another spike of his aura - angry this time. Almost screaming at how stupid that sounded.
"No need to get angry," she sniffled as she flopped back onto the grass, "Just thinking out loud is all."
"Yeah well your thoughts are stupid so I'll be angry if I wanna be," came his snarky retort and Kagome's eyes flew open in panic. Oh god, she really was losing her mind here. That wasn't some fictious voice in her head. It sounded too real. Too close.
And amber eyes were suddenly looked down at her filled with love and truth be told, some well deserved ire.
"Seriously? After everything we've been through, you're still beating that dead horse? We had a whole talk about how different my love for you is and somehow you still managed to come to that conclusion," Inuyasha asked as he tried and failed to hold back his shit-eating grin. Kagome, on the other hand, went paler than a sheet and began to hyperventilate.
Oh good god, she had actually gone insane from grief. This was bad. So bad.
"You're dead," she blurted as she clenched her eyes shut and rolled onto her side, "You're not real. Go away. Go away. Go away."
"Well I was dead but I got better," Inuyasha teased happily as he scooped her up and held her to him for all she was worth. Which in retrospect was a mistake seeing as how he gave her no explanation or warning that he did indeed have two arms once again.
"Get off me!" Kagome screamed as she began struggling in his vice grip, "Help! Shippo! PUP! PUP!"
"God dammit Kagome!" Inuyasha huffed as he released her and rolled his eyes, "Stop overreacting and use your eyes. Its...ah hell.."
A not so tiny ball of flame collided solidly with his chest sending the half-demon painfully careening into the Sacred Tree. Somewhat dazed Inuyasha quickly scruffed the kit and struggled to maintain a hold on the tiny being that was burning so hot it felt like he was melting the flesh off bone.
"Pup stop," Inuyasha barked and the flames immediately subsided. Tiny scarlet eyes widened and then narrowed as he sniffed a few times. For a split second, he looked unsure before a feral grin broke out on his face and he began flailing.
"Alpha not dead. Alpha not dead! NOT DEAD! ALPHA FATHER!" the pup screamed happily as fat little tears began leaking out of his eyes before he suddenly stopped and turned an angry glare on Kagome, "ALPHA MOTHER LIED!"
"Alpha mother does not lie," Inuyasha countered sternly as he shook the kit, "Stand down."
"Explain..."
Kagome - for her part - had completely shut down in shock and was struggling to breathe. This was the world's cruelest joke. Had to be. There was absolutely no rational way Inuyasha would just magically be back. Not only back but with both arms and no issues walking. A full month after Sesshomaru had...he'd told her he killed him. In excruiating detail. They'd had a full battle over it too where she tried to force him to bring Inuyasha back and he'd still refused. Blood had been shed on both sides over Inuyasha's untimely demise.
And based on the extremely limited amount of words she could pick up in her shock, whatever was being said satisfied her baby but wasn't enough to convince her. A child was a child - whether they succumbed to bloodlust or not. And children believed most anything their parents told them. The problem being...if it wasn't Inuyasha but an excellent imposter...
'Pup go to den,' Kagome whispered hoarsely and Shippo looked over to her with a confused little look.
'Pup stay with alpha father,' the kit challenged and Kagome sighed.
'Pup will obey. Pup go to den,' Kagome tried again and tiny crimson eyes narrowed until a large masculine hand knocked some sense into him.
'Pup obey alpha mother,' Inuyasha huffed angrily as his next move was to scruff the kit and shake him lightly, 'Pup does not challenge alpha mother.'
'Alpha mother lies,' the kit whined as he pointed a tiny finger at the still shell-shocked Kagome, 'Will hurt alpha father. Danger.'
Inuyasha glanced over at Kagome and sighed. She did smell rather anxious and looked like she'd been beat upside the head with Totosai's hammer but the kit was seeing danger where there was none.
'Alpha mother never lies to pup or alpha...alpha father,' Inuyasha corrected awkwardly with another firm shake - trying to come to terms with hearing himself formally referred to as a parent. Which was something he'd known to be true but it was still something that would take some getting used to hearing out loud.
'Pup go to den,' Inuyasha demanded and with a soft whine, Shippo acquiesced. In a way.
'Call Pup if danger,' Shippo woofed just soft enough for him to hear before he gave Kagome what he thought was an intimidating glare.
'No danger. Only alpha mother. Go to den,' Inuyasha reassured him and the kit glared over his shoulder but complied with a softly muttered 'stupid' under his breath.
Shippo safely out of the way, Inuyasha let out a shaky breath and turned to face the love of his life. This wasn't exactly the introduction he'd been hoping for to say the least. He'd hoped she would've immediately come to him and be overjoyed. Instead, she was staring at him exactly the way he always feared she might. Like he was a monster. Like she was afraid of him.
"Kagome I..." Inuyasha had to clear his throat and avert his eyes for a moment as he tried to keep his composure and not lash out. He could handle a lot of things nowadays but that look...that look almost had him wanting to wither up and die.
"I don't trust that...that you're him. I want to but...but given everything, I just can't," she breathed as she struggled not to pass out, "So...so I'm going to ask you to stay out here tonight. And tomorrow we'll talk."
What a strange request to make, Inuyasha thought as his heart broke a little. What difference would it make if they talked right now, tonight or tomorrow?
Tonight...
If time had indeed passed, maybe tonight was the new moon. This was Kagome's subtle way of making sure it was actually him. His lips twitched upwards as he acknowledged that it was wise for her to not believe it was him right away. Her request was reasonable all things considered. Especially considering that last time a dead person showed up they were not the same person they'd be in life and had tried to kill them all at one point or another. Only a select few people knew of his human night. A very select few.
"Counteroffer," he hummed in relief as he folded his arms across his chest and gave her a knowing, smug grin, "After sundown, we'll talk."
"Counter counter offer," Kagome huffed as she realized this individual must know Inuyasha's time of the month, "After sundown, we'll take the conversation somewhere else. A very specific place only the real Inuyasha can go."
"Counter counter counter offer," Inuyasha replied as his heart swelled with hope, "All of those things but after we talk, there's something I'd really love to experience if tonight if the night I think it is. That's happening or no deal."
Blushing furiously, Kagome set her jaw and folded her arms across her chest as another quicker solution suddenly occurred to her. Especially considering that he knew...certain elements of the relationship she'd shared with her husband. Seemed appropriate to speed things up a bit.
"Counter counter counter counter offer," Kagome began slowly as she pursed her lips, "How about we 'sit' down and..."
Inuyasha swore softly as he careened face first into the ground. It had been some time since she'd made him eat dirt and it sucked as much as he remembered it did. Trying to pry himself up, he opened his mouth to cuss her out before freezing when he saw her burst into tears and begin scrambling towards him.
"Oh my god I'm so sorry," she laughed tearfully as she sprawled out on her belly beside him and gently cupped his face in her palm, "I just...I just needed to be sure..."
Sighing, Inuyasha reached out and dragged her to him with a happy hum. Her sneaky trick instantly forgiven.
"Well you were being careful," he breathed happily as he pressed his lips firmly against her temple, "I'd be suspicious too if you got hurt, killed and then showed back up without an explanation."
"Do you have one?" Kagome laughed as her tears continued to flow.
"One what?"
"An explanation," she asked as she snuggled closer and the spell began to lift. Rolling onto his side, Inuyasha drug her against him - one hand tangling in her hair and the other pressing against the small of her back as his lips pressed against her neck.
"Not really," he sighed as he awaited her verdict. It was almost like he could feel the wheels turning in her mind. Still unsure whether or not this was real. The uncertainty of her reaction made anxiety swirl in his gut as he waited for her reaction and out of a bizarre newly formed habit, he nibbled gently at her neck. Which, in retrospect, was a mistake as the subtle action made her tense and try to pull back.
"Sorry," he chuckled nervously as he loosened his hold and cringed, "That didn't hurt you did it?"
Breathing heavily, Kagome tried to hold back the tears that threatened to fall as the full reality of the situation crashed down on her. Yes, the sit spell could only be activated by her which is why she'd initially been satisfied but in the back of her mind, there was still the remote possibility it could be mimicked. The nervous nibbling in private, on the other hand, had been something only she would've known about. Well her and one other person. He'd never really acknowledged he had done this out of nerves but she'd known the strange anxiety induced love bites brought him comfort for whatever reason.
"You could never hurt me," Kagome laughed shakily as she quickly snuggled back into his embrace, "Why did you have to scare me like that? Being gone a whole month. Did you even die or were you just being dramatic?"
"Not sure if I died to be honest" Inuyasha admitted with a groan before he snaked his arms around her and squeezed, "But either way, I'm sorry for scaring you and for taking so long."
"I just..." she whispered as she held him just as tightly - despite the awkwardness of the gesture, "Sesshomaru told me he killed you. I just believed him. If you weren't actually dead, I should have kept looking for you..."
"There was literally no way for you to know and to be fair, he probably did think he killed me. I thought he killed me but then I woke up. So Sesshomaru either brought me back or my body repaired itself," he laughed shakily, "Healing on my own would explain why I was gone so long and would prove me right. Takes more than a little injury to kill me."
Kagome snorted as she gave him a slightly chiding smile.
"Either way, I think you'll be happy to know I nearly took Sesshomaru's good arm off," she informed him and she felt his silent laughter, "He told me he took both of your arms so I thought I should return the favor."
"Well he did a lot of things but not that," Inuyasha snickered as he nuzzled her hair, "So you fought him, huh? Of all the dumb things you've done..."
"I was distraught okay? Wasn't thinking clearly at the time," Kagome admitted sheepishly "But hey I didn't die. In fact, he ran away after the arm thing."
"Wish I could've seen it," he replied softly as the hand he'd been missing back lazily stroking up and down her side.
"You would've been proud of me I think."
"Would've been? I am proud woman. I dunno what you're talking about," Inuyasha teased as he squeezed her waist before draping his arm lazily across her body.
"I want to talk about you," Kagome sighed happily as she pressed a chaste kiss against his lips and pulled back, "Where did you wake up?"
"Near where I was first attacked," Inuyasha hummed as he used one hand - the hand - to gently cup her face, "Thought it was all a dream at first."
"A dream? Seriously?"
Inuyasha gave her a slightly annoyed look before rolling his eyes and pressing his forehead against hers.
"What was I supposed to think? Woke up intact and in that place," he chuckled darkly as he pressed a kiss on her nose, "You weren't there taking care of me so I thought that us being together wasn't...real and you'd given up on me."
"I would never give up on you. Never. You know that," Kagome sighed heavily before she gave him a strange look, "So you would've gone through all of that again just to be with me?"
"As many times as I needed to, yeah," Inuyasha replied casually before laughing when she slapped him firmly on the chest, "What was that for?"
"You never needed to get hurt for me to be with you," she chided gently, "You'd just need to use your words."
"Yeah well I was scared I'd lose you if I used words. I'm not great at words," he replied defensively as a faint blush adorned his cheeks and his arm tightened around her waist.
"The old Inuyasha would never have admitted being scared. Especially of losing little old me," Kagome teased and Inuyasha snorted.
"Woman I admitted I was scared of losing you since the beginning and you know it," Inuyasha countered, "That's the entire reason I sent you home and why I go around screaming your name during every battle. I worry about your clumsy ass constantly."
"I'm not that clumsy," Kagome mumbled defensively - unable to get truly upset at the slight with a living breathing Inuyasha embracing her for the first time in what felt like an eternity.
"Are a little," he snickered as he rolled her onto her back and lowered himself flush against her. Moaning softly at the feel of it, Inuyasha dipped down to kiss her when suddenly he felt a single finger pressed against his lips. Knitting his brow, amber eyes stared down at a now very guilty and uncomfortable looking miko.
And with that look, his heart damn near stopped. Was she unsure she loved him? Had he been away too long? Or was his verbal faux pas the straw that broke the camel's back?
"I know its a stupid question to ask but..." Kagome began as she shifted anxiously beneath him, "But I just want to know. Did you...even for a moment...ever think of me as..."
She cleared her throat and pressed onward, "Did you want me at first because I'm Kikyo's reincarnation? Like you were meant to be with her and I was...I was just kinda her."
Snorting derisively, Inuyasha shook his head.
"Bitch that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard," he laughed, "Just because you look like her didn't mean you are her. Everyone gets reincarnated at some point or another. Doesn't mean they're the same person. I even told you in the beginning that I knew you weren't her."
"You also told me I wasn't as cute as her," Kagome replied dourly and Inuyasha snickered.
"I just say things woman. You know that," he teased happily as he kissed her forehead, "You forget I also tried to kiss you the next day."
"Why did you do that? I've always been curious," she asked quietly and Inuyasha sighed.
"I'm impulsive, what can I say," he admitted sheepishly as he squeezed her tighter, "You asked if I was upset you looked like her and clearly that wasn't the case and I dunno...felt like the best way to show you? Which..."
"Which backfired horribly by the way. So many issues I had stemmed from that," Kagome laughed and he grinned, "All this time I worried that...that you only kept me around because I reminded you of her."
Inuyasha rolled his eyes and sighed.
"Ah yes, that's why I wanted you in my life. Do you even hear yourself? Believe me when I say, you're as different from Kikyo as someone could possibly get," Inuyasha interrupted affectionately as he pressed more of his body weight against her and cupped her face with both hands, "Sometimes I wonder whats going on in your head. I mean, I maybe died, came back and your first reaction is to ask something like that. How have you managed to survive all this time?"
"Well you see there was this guy who yells my name a lot and seems to be always saving me," Kagome retorted before she pulled him down for a kiss.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Mind telling me why it took you a month to come get his body," Totosai huffed as he continued polishing the sword as a small little girl squealed in the near distance when one of the geysers surrounding his home suddenly erupted a little too close for comfort. The daiyoukai seemed to be paying more attention to that spectacle than the question being asked.
"Jakken, if Rin perishes in such a foolish way, I will kill you," Sesshomaru ordered quietly and the little toad tensed before running shrieking towards the girl - his little arms flailing as he desperately tried to guide her into safer territory.
"Dunno how you find people who think you're charming. Tell me that secret while you're at it," the elderly demon smacked his lips and dipped the sword almost lazily into the fire. Looking patiently back up at the formidable dog demon, Totosai raised a single brow before huffing in frustration, "Do you need your ears checked boy?"
"This Sesshomaru..."
Totosai gave him a withering glare before he turned his attention back towards the fire and cut the daiyoukai off at the knees.
"I can't understand a word you're saying," Totosai huffed as he shook his head, "I'm just going to assume you waited to prove some asinine point."
Jakken's scream and Rin's giggle cut through the silence that followed like a knife.
"Well its the thought that counts I guess," Totosai sighed as he dug one finger into his ear and sniffed pointedly, "I was beginning to think you'd never come back."
"This Sesshomaru's reasons are his own."
"What did I tell you about mumbling," the old youkai huffed in frustration as he removed the finger from his ear, "I'm old. You need to speak up and enunciate properly."
Jaw set, amber eyes narrowed as Totosai smacked his lips and waited.
"Word of Inuyasha's death needed to reach any who sought to harm him," Sesshomaru amended through gritted teeth, "Otherwise..."
"Others might come to kill him and you want to be the one who kills him for some reason," Totosai yawned as he waved his hand, "Just admit you care for your brother and be done with it fool boy. Its obvious to anyone with eyes."
"This Sesshomaru..."
"What did I say about mumbling..."