Hello! It's the elusive me back with a brand new chapter lol. Again, as always, sorryyyyy for the suuuuuuuuuuuper long wait on the chaper. Life. Uni. Covid 19. It all got a bit hectic for a while there! But I'm about to go on placement next week for 3 months which means I probs won't be writing anytime soon and I've had half of this chapter written for literally months now so I was like fuck it let's just finish this bad boy today and publish it! So anywhere here it is! The countdown is on (for real this time!) 4 more chapters to go! Enjoy this chapter and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review!
If you like this story even a little bit and wanna know what happens next please review because it honestly is the only reason I keep writing it. The knowledge that someone out there is actually reading this and enjoying it keeps this story alive. Otherwise, if no one seems to be reading it I'll just stop writing it lol.
Disclaimer: I once again, do not own Gintama even four years after this story first began.
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~~o~~o~~
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Diamond
"Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone!" Sang Sacchan very loudly and very off key, "Everybody join in!"
"I wanna sing an Otsu song next!" Yelled Kyubei over the confident teacher's horrid rendition of Taylor Swift to the swaying brown haired woman seated next to her.
"We can do a duet." Responded Tae, shouting out a cheer of encouragement to Sacchan immediately afterwards.
"What would you like to sing?" Her new stepmother's question jolted her out of her trance.
The women were gathered at Sacchan's house for a 'girls' night' of singing and bonding, which Kagura knew really meant drinking and making diabolical plans to mess with the boys. Tsukki had invited Kagura to come along when she got home from school, not taking no for an answer, and dragged her out the door almost immediately.
The young woman supposed she couldn't blame her new step mum for dragging her out of the house considering she might have been behaving weirdly since the whole hospital fiasco on Saturday night.
Kagura hadn't seen the Sadist since that night at the hospital three days ago. After they parted ways in the early morning hours of Sunday morning Kagura slept all day to recuperate and the Sadist hadn't been at school Monday or Tuesday due to classes being optional following college examinations.
The red headed girl turned to look at Tsukki, "I guess I'll sing an Otsu song."
The older woman furrowed her eyes at her lacklustre respond, "'I guess?'" She echoed, "what do you mean? The Kagura I know loves karaoke!" She demanded.
The rise in Tsukki's voice caught the attention of the other three women in the room who had just begun fighting over who would sing next.
"What's wrong, Kagura?" Tae asked worriedly, "is something bothering you?"
"It's probably your terrible singing." Sacchan said snidely under her breath.
"I'm sorry, who just invented a new key to sing the entirety of Love Story in?" Tae responded, voice dripping with fake politeness.
"Oh sorry," drawled the woman, adjusting her glasses, "your ears must be too sensitive from all that time spent alone being a spinster."
"That doesn't even make sense," whispered Kyubei to Tsukki on the sidelines while the fight continued between the two women who were both now standing and poised for a fight.
"Yeah? Well at least I didn't settle for some ass-bleeding wannabe ninja who reads Shounen Jump."
"Huh? You wanna fight?"
"I thought you'd never ask! They used to call me the Queen of the Red-Light district, you know?"
Kagura watched the familiar scene playing out before her with mild interest.
"Hold on!" Demanded Tsukki, standing abruptly, "You promised no brawling tonight."
Tae turned to look at her friend, "Who said anything about brawling? If anyone's fighting it's gonna be through song, you got it?"
"Through song?" Kyubei asked, rising to stand beside Tsukki.
"Yes! Put your heart and soul into it and settle your differences through the ancient art of singing!" Tae continued, sounding like an afterschool special.
"Yes, through song!" Sacchan sang, suddenly appearing behind Tae like the backing chorus from Hercules.
"Diamond Perfume makes a comeback!" Shouted Tae before joining Sacchan in what sounded vaguely to Kagura like Your Mother Is An XX.
Kagura frowned at the two women dancing wildly in front of Sacchan's television, "what's Diamond Perfume?"
Kyubei and Tsukki shared an amused look. "It's the girl group we started a few years ago," the short black-haired woman answered.
"You were a girl group?" Kagura asked in bewilderment.
Tsukki laughed, "only for a month. We entered a competition to win 10 yen."
Kagura's confusion persisted, "did you win?"
Both women laughed brief before Kyubei answered, "not even close."
"We only entered in the first place to try and beat Gintoki's little band," Tsukki provided, "oh remember when they tried to get us banned because our 'dances were too sexy'."
"Yes! Those fools tried to convince Katsura to wear a fireman's costume to seduce the judges when they found out they were female."
"He got confused and wore a giant penguin costume, idiots."
Kagura burst out in laughter at the image of her handsome uncle wearing a giant penguin costume on stage.
"You laughed!" Tsukki commented in delight. "I was really worried about you; you've been quiet the last few days since you went to that party. I was worried something happened at the hospital."
Kagura looked at her new step mum and the other three women in the room curiously, "you were worried?"
Tsukki frowned, amused, "of course I was."
"I was worried when you turned down singing BTS with me! The Kagura I know would never turn down BTS!" Tae shouted, breaking her dance sequence with Sacchan.
"Did something happen?" Tsukki asked seriously, the atmosphere in the room freezing.
Kagura contemplated for a moment then shrugged, there was no point letting the weird moment with the Sadist on the landing bother her so much. He was probably just constipated or something.
The red headed girl slapped her cheeks, surprising the women in the room, and wrestled the microphone out of an indignant Sacchan's hands.
"Let's sing some BTS now!"
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~~o~~o~~
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Memories Part 2
The little red headed girl had begun to come accustomed to living at Gin-chan's house over the last few days. She knew where the food was. She knew which chairs were hers to sit in. She knew what things she did would cause Gin-chan to make a strange face and yelp loudly such as jumping off the back of the couch into an attempted flip.
So, when her white-haired companion asked her if she was ready to meet the neighbours today she squared her shoulders, puffed out her chest and put on what Gintoki considered a 'constipated face' and informed him that she was "ready for combat".
The man held her hand as he carefully led her outside their two-bedroom apartment and onto the landing, going exactly one door over and knocking three times on the hard-wooden door.
Kagura heard shuffling and what sounded like someone falling over before the door swung open to reveal an out of breath old gorilla looking man.
"Gintoki!" The man exclaimed, looking between the silver haired man and the little girl holding his hand frantically, "is this Kagura?" He asked loudly.
Gin-chan looked at her briefly with a face of concern as if asking are you sure?
Kagura puffed her cheeks out and stepped forward, "I am Kagura, who are you Gorilla man?"
A moment of silence passed before the silver haired man broke out in loud laughter, "She called you Gorilla man!" Her companion wheezed.
"Who's a Gorilla man?" The other adult wailed in response.
Kagura could hear footsteps and muffled laughter coming from inside the apartment. A tall black-haired man with a cigarette dangling out of his mouth and a small red eyed boy appeared in the doorway moments later.
"What's wrong with you?" The new man asked Gintoki lazily, "Is this the girl?"
Gin-chan nodded through his laughter, pointing wildly between the Gorilla man and Kagura, unable to speak.
Kagura once again faced the man in front of her, "smoking is bad for you." Kagura said simply.
Gin-chan once again burst out in loud laughter, this time wheezing "smoking… Gorilla… I can't…"
The Gorilla man and the smoking man both stared down at Kagura with wide eyes and open mouths, "she's a mini Gintoki." They said in unison.
The smoking man grabbed the front of Gin-chan's shirt and yanked, "oi, oi, oi when did you give birth? She's your child, right? You lied about adopting her, right?"
"Huh? How could I give birth you stupid tax robber? She's obviously adopted! It's not my fault even a little girl knows smoking gives you lung cancer and your boss here is a big old native from the planet of Gorilla's!"
"What did you say?"
The two men continued back and forth in this fashion while the Gorilla man stood behind them still frozen in shock.
Kagura noticed the young boy standing next to the bickering adults. He watched her curiously with his unblinking blood red eyes. Kagura glared back in response, taking the stare as a challenge.
Eventually the older boy stepped around the adults and approached her. He frowned at her, "who are you?"
Kagura was taken aback by his directness, "Kagura, who are you?"
The flaxen haired boy continued to stare at her curiously, he held out his hand abruptly and opened it to unveil a tiny caterpillar, "wanna hold it?"
The girl shook her head rapidly in response, "no. Bugs are gross."
The boy shrugged and retracted his hand, "what do you like?"
It was Kagura's turn to frown, she thought carefully before answering, "I like sukonbu."
"What's that?"
The girl reached into her pockets and searched for her secret stash. She presented the sukonbu in her tiny palm like it was hidden treasure. The flaxen haired boy picked up it and began to inspect it carefully before taking a small bite. His face screwed up instantly and he exclaimed, "this is gross."
Kagura nodded, her short red hair bouncing in time with the motion, "I like it because no one steals it from me."
The flaxen haired boy cocked his head, fixing his eyes on the girl before him and seemed to consider her for a moment. A few moments passed before he responded, answering her earlier question, "I'm Sougo."
The three adults present for this conversation stopped bickering to share a look of surprise. Sougo wasn't exactly cooperative at the best of times and in the years they had all known him he didn't warm up to people very easily. So, the small boy providing Kagura with his name without prompting indicated to the adults that something Kagura had done during their exchange had deemed her worthy to the boy of knowing his name.
"What do you do with the bugs?" Kagura asked.
Sougo smirked, something that sent shivers down Kagura's spine, he once again opened his palm before closing it tightly, squishing the bug inside.
Kagura screwed up her nose, "that's gross."
Sougo shrugged, "they're bugs, they don't feel pain."
"You're a freak."
"Gorilla man here tells me I'm a sadist."
"What's that?"
The smoking man chimed in, "it means he enjoys the pain of others, the little weirdo, I don't know where he got it from."
Kagura contemplated for a moment before nodding to herself.
"What?" Asked the flaxen haired boy.
"Yes, you are a sadist, uh-huh."
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~~o~~o~~
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Passage of Time/Wishing
The grass was damp beneath the tall man's jacket, slowly seeping through to his dark pants the longer he sat in silence before the small narrow stone.
The man exhaled the thick smoke from his lungs into the cold winter air, laying his head back to look at the hazy grey sky in one smooth motion.
"You always loved this weather for some reason," he said aloud, "dunno why it's absolutely miserable."
The words hung in the air, emphasising the silence they met. The woman they were spoken to no longer able to respond.
Hijikata lifted his head, opening his steel blue eyes to appraise the smooth stone before him.
Okita Mitsuba it read.
The words written in a harsh sort of manner that the woman they were referring to would have despised. Not that she would ever know what her gravestone looked like.
"Four years, huh?" He exhaled softly, chuckling humourlessly, "and I still haven't gone one day without thinking about you."
The soft words were barely audible as the wind carried them away.
"It's no good living with all this regret. I can't help but think about how much of a fool I was to wait so long to tell you, I know you agree." The man smiled softly at the memory, "sadly, it looks like Sougo is doomed to repeat my mistakes."
The silence was becoming deafening, the icy wind only making it worse. Hijikata could almost hear the unspoken responses of the woman he still loved. Her sweet voice lingering in the back of his mind like a ghost haunting his still beating heart.
"I think he's finally realised he's beyond hope with Kagura-chan. You remember Gintoki's little girl?" The man continued on absently between puffs of his cigarette, "it's obvious to everyone but the girl how he feels about her.
"Kagura-chan's really gotten strong since you've been gone, you would've really like to see how she puts Sougo in his place." The man laughed, "I just hope time's more forgiving to those two than it was to us…" He trailed off, becoming stoic once more.
A sudden gust of wind jolted Hijikata out of his trance, almost knocking him onto his side. The man brushed the black hair out of his face and opened his eyes to see a small red butterfly perched atop the headstone.
Hijikata regarded the bug closely for a moment. Something about the insect was oddly familiar, the brilliance of its wide red wings reminding him of another brilliant red pair.
The butterfly seemed to linger in silence for a moment before taking off towards a now clear blue sky.
Hijikata's blue eyes were fixed in awe on the soaring creature, trapping the man in a sort of trance. When the butterfly was out of sight the man lowered his head, laughing as he shook his head, "getting sentimental over a butterfly, I must be getting old."
The man breathed in deeply before exhaling in one long breath. He placed his hand upon the stone in front of him, "don't worry, I got your message. You're right, Sougo will be fine."
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~~o~~o~~
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Confront
Sougo watched the ceiling fan go around and round absently. It was the middle of winter and freezing cold in every part of Kondou's small apartment but Sougo liked the sound the fan made. It drowned out the erratic nonsense inside his head that he couldn't seem to silence.
The nonsense was in reference to his increasing frustration at the China girl's denseness and the even more intense frustration at himself for being frustrated at her for something she had no control over that came with it.
In short – Sougo was losing the battle against himself.
When the flaxen haired teenager found his mind wandering off the ceiling fan to the apartment next door again he let out a noise of frustration and jammed a pillow over his face aggressively.
He knew the China girl was dense so why was he so bothered by it all of a sudden?
"You'll snap eventually."
Said an obnoxious voice in his head, Nobume's obnoxious voice to be exact.
A memory of a conversation the two of them had had following the class trip a few months ago had been playing on his mind over the last few days. The annoyed teenager had done everything he could to push it aside and pretend it had never happened, but it was getting harder to ignore. Especially when everything Nobume had predicted had come to light.
"What is this about?" Sougo asked impatiently, irritated at the sight of the China girl's uncertain face when he'd told her to go home without him.
The girl rolled her red eyes at Sougo, "that display just now."
"What?" Sougo asked blankly.
Nobume huffed impatiently, flipping her long dark hair over her shoulder in the process.
When Nobume had asked Sougo if he could stay behind and talk to her, he'd been at a total loss. What would one of the China girl's friends want with him? Sure their dad's knew each other from work and they saw each other outside of school sometimes but they hardly interacted without Kagura present.
"You and Kagura," she gestured impatiently.
"What are you talking about?" The boy asked in bewilderment, not understanding her point.
"Oh, for god's sake, you're in love with Kagura." Sougo opened his mouth to protest, "don't even deny it it's disgustingly obvious." Nobume so casually, and harshly, stated Sougo's feelings out loud as if months of internal conflict hadn't recently led him to that realisation.
"Anyway, that's not the point." The girl continued, oblivious to his shock. "I see how you act around her and I see you pretend that you're not in love with her. I just wanted to say that you might be ok with the way your relationship is now but eventually you're going to get tired and you're going to want more."
Sougo stood in front of Nobume at a complete loss for words. This was not where he was expecting the conversation to go.
"I just hope," Nobume's voice became less matter of fact as a tint of sadness entered her tone, "that when you get to that point that you don't take it out on Kagura, like we're all expecting you to, and that you will just tell her how you feel instead of making her feel guilty."
Nobume crossed her arms and stared at the boy in front of her impatiently, apparently finished speaking.
Sougo let out an annoyed sigh and pushed his hand through his hair in frustration, "it's got nothing to do you with you." Was all he said.
The girl snorted, "right on cue."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Sougo asked in indignation.
"It means," Nobume drew her words out slowly as if Sougo was too simple to understand them, "that you're a selfish immature brat and I don't even know why I bothered."
"You have no idea what you're talking about." Sougo spat back, "plus it doesn't even matter because none of what you just said will ever happen."
Nobume fixed Sougo with a look that seemed to say sure.
"Bye idiot." The girl said, turning her back to the boy and walking away.
Sougo turned away in response, too irritated by the sight of her proud figure to stay any longer and began walking home.
Staring at his ceiling fan again, Sougo laughed at the irony to himself.
She was exactly right, he thought, I'm pathetic.
The sound of the fan no longer able to drown out Sougo's racing thoughts, he resigned himself to the fact that he was about to do exactly what Nobume had warned him against and punish the girl he loved for his own frustration at her not knowing he was in love with her.
I really am a selfish immature brat.
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~~o~~o~~
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Avoid
The Sadist had been avoiding her.
It had started gradually, with Sougo passing her up to go hang out with Saitou, or calmly avoiding her taunts instead of fighting back. Then it had become more noticeable, Sougo leaving school immediately instead of walking home with her and Shinpachi. Sougo purposefully choosing to stay home alone rather than come hang out at the Sakata's, or being mysteriously out whenever she went over there. And when she'd confronted him about it, his answer was what confused her the most, "I knew you were dense, China, what I didn't know is how much it was going to affect me."
She'd asked him what he meant and what her being dense had to do with him avoiding her to which he'd replied, "if you don't know then don't worry. I'll be fine soon, I promise."
"Did I do something wrong?" She'd asked, suddenly scared.
He'd smiled sadly at this, "no, China, you never do. I'm just a lot more selfish than I thought I was." She wasn't sure what it all meant, how could he be so upset with her if she'd done nothing wrong? What did him being selfish have to do with anything?
These were the questions she'd asked Nobume and Soyo later that day while in Soyo's bedroom, which had just caused the two of them to sigh wistfully. Soyo had given her a sympathetic look, patting her arm comfortingly "oh Kagura."
"What?" Kagura asked in confusion.
Nobume was staring at her with disbelief, "I love you, but you are seriously the most dense human I've ever met."
"Why does everyone keep saying I'm dense? What does that even mean?"
Nobume sighed, "at first I thought it was really amusing but then even I started to feel sorry for the idiot."
"Who?"
Soyo shook her head and Nobume sighed again, "Kagura, I don't want to upset you or tell you anything that he wouldn't tell you himself but have you ever noticed that stupid Sadist acting… weirdly around you?"
Kagura frowned, "but he's always weird?"
Nobume laughed, and it was Soyo who replied this time, "not that kind of weird, Kagura. Did you ever notice him giving you special attention or treating you differently than how he treats other girls?"
Kagura thought for a moment, "well he's a lot meaner to me than he is to his fan girls! What's with that anyway?"
"This is pointless" Nobume muttered under her breath before slapping her hands down on each of Kagura's shoulders, causing the vanity to shake, "really think, Kagura. Think about all those times you've noticed him acting strange around you or heard him say something confusing or reacted to him differently than you would've to Shinpachi or another guy."
Kagura pondered for a moment and she thought back to that time the two of them had played videos games together at his house a few weeks ago. When he'd pushed her to the ground and she'd been trapped by the unreadable expression on his face as he'd stared down at her. She thought about how he looked at her when they fought and how he looked at Nobume conversely. Then she thought about how he looked at his fan girls and how they looked at him in return. It took her a moment, the answer skimming just on the edge of her consciousness, before she realised.
It was lust.
The look the sadist gave Nobume when they fought was something akin to amusement or annoyance, the same look he gave his fan girls and the same look he used to give her when they were younger. She thought back to all the times the two of them had fought over the recent years and she wasn't sure when but at some point the Sadist had stopped looking at her with distain and begun looking at her with something else. Something extremely similar to the looks his fan girls gave him when he did something to show off or simply took his shirt off. There was something else too besides the lust. Something similar to the way Gin looked at Tsukki, or Shinpachi looked when watching an Otsu video.
Did the Sadist… adore her?
Overwhelmed, she thought then about how the Sadist looked at other men who looked at her with obvious lust and worship. She thought about how mad he got whenever her friend Hiroshi called or came over to hang out. She thought about how angry he got when Kamui made her cry or threatened her in any way. She thought about how he always sought her company out for comfort and how he made sure to be there whenever she felt low. She thought about all the little words, "you are anything but ordinary.", "not bad, China", "I wanted to see you.", "never take your eyes off me.", "I knew you'd come". And then there was that time, "You're in control. I won't hurt you."
As the revelation dawned on her that maybe, just maybe, the Sadist didn't find her as annoying as he claimed she realised that it didn't actually bother her. No. Instead it made her sort of… happy?
Kagura caught sight of herself in the mirror, her eyes wide with shock and her cheeks bright red.
Oh god, she thought, the Sadist is in love with me! And I'm not disgusted by it!
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~~o~~o~~
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Dun Dun! Big news at the end there!
Once again if you enjoyed this chapter PLEASE REVIEW!
Until next time, lots of love Hils xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo