A/N: Hey guys! I'm sorry for the delay in the update, but once you reach the end of the chapter, you will understand why it was so hard to write. While this is where Emil's story comes to an end, I will be writing sequels for the other characters who were affected.

CONTENT WARNING: This chapter contains suicide at the end. While it is not a graphic depiction of it, his thoughts and feelings are clearly stated. If that is triggering for you, please do not read all the way to the end.

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There was no way he wasn't going insane. Emil had to do something, anything to get out of this hellhole known as his mind. His issues had started becoming worse. More days than not, he would feel like tearing off his skin just to be able to breathe. His body was constantly heavy. No matter what he did, there was always an impending feeling of doom in his chest, sinking his stomach like lead. Was there anything to stop the madness?

Lukas, upon hearing how his brother felt, got Emil into an emergency psychiatry appointment. The doctor prescribed Emil some sleeping medication along with some anti-depressants and an anti-anxiety medication, yet to Emil, something didn't feel right. In his mind, it felt as if all of the meds, while trying to work for his body, were only working against him. All of the good those medications did for him was immediately overshadowed by the bad. The constant stress on his psyche made him feel physically ill on most days.

One afternoon, as the whole group waited for their rides home, Lilli put her hand to Emil's forehead. "Emmy, you haven't been looking so hot lately. Do you think you might be coming down with something?" She frowned in concern after not even detecting the slightest hint of a fever. "Something just seems a little off about you."

"I'm fine," he assured, ignoring the gnawing feeling in his chest that arose every time he lied to any of them. "I've started using sleeping pills, and they've been doing wonders for me. I think I just look this way because of all of the sleepless nights that caught up to me. Don't worry about me, okay?"

"If you say so," the blonde sighed. "Just please be very careful with sleeping pills, okay? Only take the dosage prescribed to you. After all, those things could kill you if you're not careful."

Emil patted her head and smiled. "I'm a big boy, Lilli," he teased. "I'm sure I can handle taking the proper dosage of my medicine. Thanks for worrying, though."

Max smirked. "Typical Lilli," he mused, "always looking out for everyone. She's like the teeny Mom Friend, you know?" He pressed his index finger into her cheek when she puffed them at him, causing a small burst of air to flap out of her lips. "Relax, Lil, it was a compliment."

Leon smirked at Max before putting an arm around his boyfriend and leading Emil out of earshot. "Hey, are you really doing okay, though? Lilli was right. Something about you really does seem off. You've seemed distant lately. I don't know. Maybe it's just my imagination. I would just hate to think that you're suffering alone when you know you can lean on me."

"It's nothing to worry about, really," the Icelandic boy replied. "I swear I'm doing just fine." He felt his stomach grow heavier and sink further into him. Oh, how he hated lying to those dear to him. "I think it's just the new medication I'm on. It appears to be exhausting all of my energy. It's nothing to worry about, Leon, I swear."

Unconvinced but not willing to argue, the Asian boy pressed a quick kiss to his boyfriend's temple. "If you say so, I'll trust you on your word." There was a sudden impending feeling of doom in his chest. He felt conflicted as to whether he really should drop it or not. Fearing a fight with his boyfriend, he chose to drop it but bring it up again should anything suddenly bring it back to light.

Emil swallowed and looked over at Leon. "Thanks," he said, offering his boyfriend a small smile. "Everything's fine, though. I know you don't buy my words, but I appreciate you dropping the topic." He pecked the Asian boy's lips. "I love you."

Leon sighed, unable to hide his true feelings on the matter. "I love you too," he stated. "That's why I'm trusting you on this. If you say it's nothing to worry about, then I won't. Just please tell me if that changes. I want you to know that you can always lean on me, okay?"

His boyfriend's chest tightened. "Of course," he replied. "You've been there for me since we met. I would never doubt that, ever."

"Good. That's actually a lot more comforting to hear than you'll ever know."

Emil grinned and pecked Leon's lips once more. "Stop worrying, Leon. Everything will be fine." A gust of wind hit him head on and he shivered in his jacket. "It's a lot colder today than I thought it would be."

Leon smiled and zipped his boyfriend's jacket up. "Then keep yourself warm, dummy," he teased. His eyes locked with Emil's and he froze for a moment. It was moments like these where he realized just how beautiful his boyfriend was, and all he could do was just look on in awe. "You beautiful, reckless, Icelandic dummy." His lips pulled into a smile, and as he looked upon his boyfriend everything felt perfect in that moment. How he wished he could live in that moment forever.

"The way you're staring at me is kinda gay," the Icelandic boy commented, smirking. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you had a crush on me or something."

The Asian boy scoffed. "Shut up."

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"It appears you've relaxed quite a bit, Emil," Paula stated with a smile. She leaned back in her chair, relaxing. "I was really worried about you at first. But it appears that you really do have your depression under control these days. I'm so proud of you."

Emil blushed, hardly used to praise. He felt his stomach drop with shame at her words. There was no way that he had his depression under control. He was just telling her what he assumed she wanted to hear, so that his brothers wouldn't have to pay for her services anymore. If anything, he was more depressed than he was to begin with. A voice in the back of his head was constantly gnawing on his brain, telling him that he was a burden in every possible form of the word. There was no way he could ever repay the debts he owed.

Paula cocked her head to the side with curiosity. "Is there something on your mind, Emil? You've been pretty quiet for most of the session. Was there something else you wanted to talk about?"

His mind screamed the answers to her questions. 'Yes! There is so much on my mind! I have so much I need to talk about! First off, how do I stop being a burden? Also, how do I assure my friends that I love them, but I just can't take living anymore? If I were to kill myself, how do I let everyone know that it wasn't their fault? What do you do when you want to die? How can I assure myself that my final wishes will be respected once I'm gone? You claim to care about me, but can you even see how much pain I'm in when we're in here together? I want to die! I want to die! I want to DIE!'

"Nothing," he simply replied. "I'm just tired. I was up late studying for my math test last night. I think I did pretty well on it."

'Liar!' his mind screamed back at him. 'You were up all night contemplating suicide, Emil! Tell her that, you worthless piece of shit! Tell her your plan! Tell her about the note you plan to write! Tell her all of it!'

"You're an intelligent young man, so I have no doubt in my mind that you did great," Paula assured, a kind and almost-motherly smile on her face. "Do you have any plans for the weekend? It's coming up soon. Do you plan to spend it with your boyfriend?"

"I'd like to," he admitted, "but it depends on how well I did on my math test. My brothers have started cracking down on me for my grades."

'You lying piece of shit! She wants to help you, but you're going to just feed her lies so she doesn't know your real weekend plans! Does she know about the pills you've been stashing under your bed?! Does she know what you plan on doing with those pills?! You're the worst, Emil! The absolute worst! You deserve to die! Scum like you isn't needed in this world!'

Emil felt his body tense up at those thoughts. As much as he wished he could deny it, he truly felt that way. But if he were to tell Paula, who knows what sort of expensive treatments she would suggest to his brothers. And knowing his brothers, he knew that they would pay any amount for him. If it were a hospital stay, that would be thousands of dollars of one night if his insurance didn't go through. He couldn't do that to them!

"Then I hope you did well," Paulla stated with a smile. "You deserve to see Leon. From what I've gathered, the two of you are really good for each other. He's had a similar situation to yours as well, right? What are the odds that you would find someone like you? It's truly remarkable, Emil. I'm just so happy for you."

"Thank you," he quietly stated. "I'm so grateful for him."

'But you don't deserve him! You're keeping him in the dark about this! If he knew, he would be worried sick! He'd probably break up with you for being so dishonest. And then what? You'd be all alone to wallow in your self pity until you finally wasted away into nothing. Not like that would take long, considering that you already are nothing.'

"It appears that our time is up. Is there anything else you'd like to talk about before we end our session?" Upon seeing the boy shake his head, she smiled. "Then I'll see you next time, Emil. You're making great progress, and I'm so proud of you. Keep up the good work."

Her praise made him want to vomit. If she knew the truth, she would never say such kind things to him. If she knew the truth, she wouldn't be letting him go so easily. If she knew that this would be the last time she ever saw him, she would have pressed him more to speak about what was really on his mind. But she didn't know those things. No one did. And that was how he wanted it. While the truth will soon come like a slap to the face for all of his loved ones, he knew that at least he would finally be free.

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Emil looked at the pill bottle in his hands and sighed. He had ripped off the label, so that no one would know what was inside. Though they were merely strong sleeping pills, the bottle was half-full. And as full as it was, he knew that once he took all of them, he would never wake up. There was only one more day left of this hell, but the hardest part of all of it was going to be leaving Leon behind.

His heart ached as he thought of how Leon would feel once he was gone. Would he blame himself? Could he really pull it off? If he couldn't, would Leon hate him for it? He refused to fail. After all, if he failed, he knew that the guilt of what he'd forced everyone around him to feel would kill him itself.

What about Lilli? She trusted him to tell her if something was wrong. It killed him inside to think about how she will respond to his death. She'd never understand. Her heart would be broken. Would she blame herself for not paying enough attention? That poor girl would never be the same, but what about him? It wasn't like he could keep up a charade of being happy for much longer. It was better to end it fast, like ripping off a bandaid, making it as painless as he could.

And then his thoughts went to Lukas. Oh, Lukas…. What would he think once Emil was gone? Would he understand? No, of course he wouldn't. Lukas would never understand the only solution his brother could think of for the pain he was feeling. It made Emil sick to think of the aftermath of his death. Would Lukas ever be able to recover from that? He knew that his brother would blame himself for not noticing. But pain would pass, and everyone would eventually move on.

Emil's only regret was that he wouldn't ever see his mother again. He wouldn't be able to hug her one last time, or feel her warmth as she did her best to console him. Just the thought of that was enough to make him want to swallow all of the pills in that moment. But he knew he couldn't. After all, he had decided to live one more day.

One more day with his loved ones, and then all of his misery would be over. One more day.

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His last day at school felt so unreal. Eating lunch with his friends seemed as if it were any other day. Of course it would seem that way. His friends had no idea. He felt as if he were betraying them, causing his stomach to churn.

"You aren't hungry today, Emmy?" Lilli asked, cocking her head to the side. She frowned with concern. Her small hand flew to his forehead. "You do feel a little warm. Are you sure you're not sick? Do you need to go home?"

"No!" he said a little too quickly. "I don't need to go home. I'll be fine." If he went home, he wouldn't be able to spend time with them before he…. No, he couldn't think about that while he was with them. He needed to cherish his last few hours with them. "This will be fine. It's not that bad. Besides, it's not like school is going to last much longer."

"If you're sure," Mei chimed in, frowning. She nervously placed her hand on the small baby bump that was forming in her torso. "We just worry about you."

Leon snorted, placing his hand on Emil's thigh under the table. "Okay, thanks, Mom," he drawled to her. "But if Emil says he's fine, then I feel we should trust him. It's his body, and we should trust him to know his limits."

Torn, Lilli frowned. "Promise you'll tell us if you don't feel well."

Emil scoffed. "Of course I will," he lied. "What kind of friend would I be if I suffered for no reason without telling you?" What kind of friend would I be? Me….

Yong-Soo stood behind Laura and massaged her shoulders. "Just don't pull a Laura and carry the world on your shoulders, eh?" he joked to the Icelandic boy. He pretended that the knots in his girlfriend's shoulders were massive. "Damn, baby," he groaned to her. "I think you need to chill."

"Fuck off," Laura grumbled, swatting the Korean boy away.

"Shark Week," her boyfriend laughed, kissing her cheek before she could shove him away.

Natalia struggled to stifle a laugh. "If you're not careful, you're gonna die tonight, boy," she warned Yong-Soo through her giggles.

Emil's stomach suddenly felt heavier than lead. Though he knew that she was addressing someone else at the table, he couldn't help but feel as if she were talking to him. He suddenly felt really dirty and guilty. How could he do such a cruel thing as to spend his final day with them as if nothing was wrong? He felt it wasn't a good thing to live his final day as a lie, but it was easier than telling them the truth.

.

"Emil, are you okay?" Lukas asked at dinner. "You've hardly touched your food, and Lilli texted me and said you didn't eat lunch either. Are you feeling okay? You didn't eat anything today, as far as I know." He frowned. "You look pale."

Mathias frowned with his husband. "Do you want me to check your vitals after dinner?"

"There's no need for that," the youngest brother replied. "I just don't have an appetite today. Perhaps it's a side effect of a medication of mine." He pushed his food around his plate with his fork, trying to find any sort of distraction from that particular conversation topic. "It's nothing."

"It doesn't seem like nothing," Lukas pressed. "Are you sure there isn't anything bothering you? We can talk about it, you know."

"I don't want to talk!" Emil suddenly snapped, dropping his fork onto his plate with a loud clatter. "I don't want to talk! I don't want to eat! I'm tired, okay? I'm just so tired!" He suddenly realized that his outburst could have been taken as a cry for help, which was the last thing he wanted. "Even with my new sleeping pills, I still have trouble falling asleep."

"Why didn't you tell us that?" his Norwegian brother demanded. "If we had known, then we could have gotten you in to your doctor to fix that. We can't know what's going on with you if you don't talk about it."

"I don't want to talk about it!" the youngest shouted, suddenly jumping up from the table. "I don't want to talk! Please just leave me alone!" He ran to his bedroom, slamming his door behind him.

This wasn't how his final evening with his brothers was supposed to go! He wasn't supposed to fight with them! They weren't supposed to know that he was holding emotions back! This was wrong! This was bad! They couldn't find out his plans! He wouldn't let them!

His heart ached as he threw himself onto his bed. He knew they were going to try to talk to him, but he knew that he would tell them his plans if they pried too far into it. He couldn't let that happen. That would ruin everything and make him feel even more indebted. The only option he had was to send them away when they came.

Lukas threw open the door to his brother's room. "Emil, what the fuck was that? What's going on?"

"Get out," his younger brother simply replied. "Please, just go."

"I don't know what's going on, but you can always talk to me about anything," the Norwegian insisted. "You don't have to go through all of this alone. Mat and I can help you! We're family! That's what family does!" When Emil didn't reply, he sighed. "Please don't put yourself through this alone." Defeated, he took a deep breath. "You're my little brother, Emil, and I love you. I want to help you, so what can I do to make that happen?"

"Go," Emil repeated.

Lukas sighed. "Alright," he dejectedly replied. "I will. Please know that I love you and I'm here for you. You don't have to feel that way all alone. Goodnight, Emil."

"Goodbye."

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The next morning, Lukas checked the clock in the kitchen. He found it odd that Emil hadn't woken up yet. It was nearly one in the afternoon. Deciding that it was a bit too late for his brother to sleep in, he decided to go to his room.

Upon opening Emil's bedroom door, a foul smell hit Lukas and made him sick to his stomach. What on earth was that? Why did his little brother's room smell this way? "Emil?" he asked, noticing that his brother hadn't stirred from his sleep. "Em?"

He pulled back his brother's blanket, his hand catching on Emil's exposed arm. The Icelandic boy was cold to the touch.

The realization hit Lukas like a ton of bricks when he saw the empty pill bottle beside Emil's bed. Horrified, he let out a soul-wrenching scream that sent Mathias bounding into the bedroom as well as he fell to the floor.

"No!" he screamed. "No! No, no no! Emil! No! Please answer me! Emil! No, this isn't real! Please wake up, Emil! Please! No! This isn't real! This isn't happening! Emil, wake up! Wake up!" He vigorously shook his brother's lifeless body as he screamed, but nothing came of it.

Mathias fell to the floor with his husband, holding Lukas tightly as his fingers fumbled to dial 911. Emil couldn't be dead. There was no way! His voice shook as he gave the address and names and situation to the operator and threw his phone across the room. This wasn't happening. He couldn't have killed himself. How had he not seen the signs?

Beside Emil's bed was a stack of envelopes, each one with a different name upon it. It didn't take long to figure out that the suicide was thought out. Yet the one note on top of the stack hit both brothers like a slap to the face. How had they not realized it sooner?

"Goodnight," you said.

"Goodbye," I said.

And you never thought twice about it.

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The End

A/N: If you are ever feeling hopeless, lost, depressed, worthless, or just think life isn't worth living anymore, please always reach out to someone. There are so many people out there who love you! If you feel you can't reach out to people you know, feel free to reach out to me or call your National Suicide Hotline! Always remember that this world is more beautiful with you in it!