Okay that's it. The end of our saga. Never thought it would run this long but, I enjoyed writing a dark and frankly, kinda scary version of Mac.
Redeeming her has been hell given what she put Harm through. And this ending in a way was deserved… or not?
Heaven's a lie indeed.
Chapter 21 - Heaven's A Lie
Oh, no, here it is againI need to know, why did I choose to betray you?Something wrong with all the plans of my life,I didn't realize that you've been hereDolefully desired, destiny of a lieSet me free, your heaven's a lieSet me free with your love, set me free.
"Heaven's A Lie" by Lacuna Coil.
Rain heavily beat down over Arlington National Cemetery along with an unseasonable cold of a winter that was coming far too early. For the tall Naval Commander walking behind the cavalcade carrying the body of a woman he loved more than life itself, the weather suited his mood. A burning cold had settled within him since she died - the rain washing away the tears that ran down his cheeks, unchecked and unwavering. He was sure he'd never cried so much before.
He fell in step with the funeral procession almost marching behind stoically, much more disciplined than the Naval officer that he was, acting with the decorum of a Marine. Behind him a the small group that had become something of a family walked wordlessly - a collection of both Navy and Marine enlisted and officers. They shared his pain, the grief but, none of them hurt more than he, how could they? They never loved her like he had and still did because he knew time would never erase her from his heart.
When the procession stopped at the funeral site, a contingency of Marines raised the flag draped casket from the horse drawn carriage onto their shoulders. With precision they guided their charge through the fresh mowed grass and onto the hydraulic lift above her final resting place.
The service was short because the Naval Officer standing at the edge of her grave couldn't survive long tributes and words that, in his opinion, were meaningless. A chaplain prayed over the group, over her and with a final nod, the flag was neatly folded and presented to her uncle - the last known kin she'd want at her side.
He stood by unwavering begging his body not to drop to the ground like he wanted to do - drop to the ground and beg God or whatever deity would listen to bring her back to him. He failed. He failed her when she needed him the most and he was lost without her. All of his talk and promises about keeping her safe amounted to nothing - a false pretense and he hated himself because of it.
"Sir? Would you like us to drive you home?"
He turned to find the petite, blond Lieutenant standing next to her Lt. Commander husband. They were both gutted, their eyes brimming with tears. She reached out to him but the Captain pulled away. "No. I can't leave yet. You go, I'll call you later."
The group dispersed, one by one returning to their vehicles with a final glance at the man barely holding it together. He waited for them to leave, for him to be alone at the edge of her grave even as the workers began to pour Earth over her. That finality made an internal flood dam burst inside him and he couldn't help but collapse to his knees and cry. "Oh Mac… Oh Mac."
Harmon Rabb Junior thought back to the day she died, the blood stained red dress that concealed just how fatally Sarah MacKenzie had been wounded. It was a parallel that was crossed, a similarity to another woman he loved and lost the same way - with a gunshot wound to the chest.
Only Diane he'd seen hours after her death, arrived too late to save her. With Mac, he'd been with her, dancing, only a breath away when the bullet whizzed by as they broke apart, hitting her square in the chest. The blood splattered against the white jacket of his mess dress turning almost pinkish as it meshed with the polyester. There was so much blood, too much blood and he just couldn't save her.
They'd been happy, so damned happy for a few months when life seemed to be normal. She still had issues, nightmares, outbursts, pain from the programming that wouldn't let her go. But, she held onto him, her anchor, her lifeline.
Harm despised the pomp and circumstance of the military galas. The need to to polish and straighten the tiny medals which adorned his chest. He was hesitant to go. Something felt off and he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Mac too had been withdrawn that day, her eyes taking on that familiar darkening look associated with agency programming.
And then he saw her step out into the living room wearing a blood red dress which clung to her hips, swept over her breasts. The darkness in her eyes was gone and a breath rushed out of his lungs at the vision of her. All he could imagine was getting her out of the dress once they got back home.
At the gala Mac was happy, an easy smile spreading across her lips when soft music echoed in the hall. They had been dancing to a lively number minutes earlier and Harm held her steadfast once the tempo slowed. She fell in step with him, her arms wrapping around his neck and his around her waist.
Despite the setting, chains of command meant nothing to either of them anymore which was why Harm didn't hesitate to dip his head and kiss her in front of his peers. He loved this woman and would let everyone know, they'd fought too damned hard for this. "I think we should give the marriage thing a try." He suggested, raising his brow as a way to challenge Mac to object.
She didn't and it won him one of those dazzling smiles of hers, the kind that lit her eyes and made him feel invincible. "Are you proposing?"
"Suggesting, really. Testing the waters...When I propose, you'll know."
"And I'd say, 'yes.'" Mac pulled his head down, fusing her lips to his in a ksis that was probably a bit too passionate given their location. She didn't care, just the prospect of being married to him was enough to throw caution to the wind.
Once the song ended, Mac slipped from his arms, a hand running down to thread with his own. And then the commotion ensued.
It was one well placed shot from a sniper's rifle that pulled them completely apart. The unbearable pain sliced through her and no CIA programming could stop the agony. It forced Mac to fall into his arms as the life spilled from her chest.
There were no more bullets, no other mele but the sound had scared the other patrons sending them scattering to and fro fleeing from a marksman that remained unseen and only had one intended target.
Harm dragged Mac towards a table, flipping it over to use for cover and dropping to the deck with her in his arms. "Sarah." The use of her given name was infrequent, said only when emotions had run higher than normal and at that moment, it was a plea when he cradled her, fingers checking over her body to access the damage.
His fingers pressed to her chest and came up covered in a red sticky substance. "No, oh God, no!" Her red dress began to turn a darker shade just above her right breast, spreading in an erratic, circular pattern that he tried to stifle with his hands.
It bubbled quickly, much too quick for him to stop, even when Harm ripped off his jacket and balled it over the wound. "Help! I need help! Please!" He yelled at the top of his lungs but, the screaming around them from the ongoing exodus was too loud. "Mac, Sarah... hold on. Please."
Mac's eyes began to glass over and her olive toned skin had taken on a pallor he'd seen once before in the mountains when they'd played hide and seek with poachers. "Harm." His name was said between shallow breaths as the reality of what happened sent a wave of shock through her.
There was no longer any pain, not really, just a slight burning sensation that she couldn't comprehend along with a weakness and lethargy. Why was she so tired? Why was her body giving up? It wasn't supposed to hurt so much, was it? "Harm, I'm cold."
"You need to hold on. Hold on for me. I'll get you help. You'll be alright." He knew that wasn't true as with each shallow breath more blood spilled from the wound. "God damnit, someone help us!"
Harm couldn't stop the tears that fell, the pain that spread deep inside at the thought of losing her. Her body had grown colder as the minutes passed, the blood spreading more and more. He looked around from behind the table, trying to find a way to save her.
"I got you, Mac." He raised her up into his arms holding her tightly, hoping some of his strength would seep into her. "You need to hold on for me, Sarah. Please. Promise me you'll hold on."
An immeasurable sense of sadness weighed over his heart when Mac's hand came up to his face. She brushed away the tears that kept falling and would have cried too...if only. "Don't cry, flyboy."
'I love you, Harm' She tried to speak, to leave him with parting words but they were unable to be spoken when Mac slipped away, her vision tunneling to blackness.
"Sarah! No, damnit! " He cradled her, strong arms tightly pressing Mac to him as if he could give some sign of life back to her. "Please, Mac... Please...Oh God. Oh God no."
And then she was gone...
"Captain... Harm?" Admiral AJ Chegwidden sat next to him, a calming hand coming to press on Harm's shoulder. The Naval officer had always been strong, unwavering, a force to be reckoned with. Even after Diane's death he'd dusted off and moved forward. But this was just a shell of the man he once was, Military facade could only go so far and AJ knew this was a blow Harm may never recover from.
"I couldn't save her, sir...I." Out of the corner of his eye, Harm could feel himself being watched, the sensation drawing his interest to the man with a three piece suit which made its way towards them. "You have no right to be here."
"She should have been a star on our wall." Clayton Webb stated motioning to the grave which was nearly covered. "Sarah was no longer military when she died."
"You fucking son of a bitch!" Harm stood, angrily grabbing Webb from the lapels of his sports jacket. "This was your doing and yours alone. I know you had her killed, Clay! And I swear, as long as I'm alive, I swear I won't stop until you pay." He shook the former deputy director and then tossed his body like a ragdoll into the ground. "You're a dead man."
Hours later, Harm sat in an oversized chair inside Chegwiddens living room. He was still in uniform, only the tie if his winter blues had been loosened and the two top buttons of his dress shirt as well.
His hand gripped around a glass half filled with scotch that he'd poured minutes earlier. He sat in the darkening room, sullen eyes focused on nothing in particular. "What do I do now?"
Chegwidden didn't have the answers nor the fatherly advice he'd been known for. Mac's death had gutted him as well just as sure as losing his own daughter would have. He tossed down his own drink and sighed heavily. All he knew was that he now needed to protect Harm. She made him promise.
"I've never loved like that...And I never will." Harm placed the untouched drink on the coffee table with a resounding thud. "I need to get out of here." He stood and hurried to the door opening it with much more force than necessary.
"We aren't done talking. Where are you going?"
Harm's hand gripped the doorknob like a vice. There was an odd sensation he couldn't shake, a pulsing of the blood in his veins like fire and ice. He needed to run although something told him to stay. "I don't know."
"You can't leave, son. I promised her I'd watch over you." Chegwidden stood, intent on stopping the younger man. He needed to, this had been as much his mistake as theirs.
"I can't. I'm sorry."
"Harm?" The sound of his name made him pause for a moment, just a breath. He turned back to the room eyes searching for some kind of answe until his decision was made. As his hand fell from the knob, the door slammed shut behind him.
It was sometime during the witching hour when a phone call rose Chegwidden from a fitful slumber. The voice on the other line didn't have to say much...he knew. It was over. "Yes, I'm his commanding officer. Okay… Yes, I'll notify his parents."
He sat up in bed and was mildly warmed by Meredith's band pressed against his back. "AJ? What is it?"
"That was Virginia police. Harm's dead. His car hit a patch of black ice, wrapped around a tree... He died on impact." He scrubbed a hand over his face, years of war and pain and anguish were the only things that forced him not to cry.
"Oh AJ, no." She wrapped her arms around him, giving a comfort Meredith knew he'd never ask for.
"They're safe now." With a heavy heart, Chegwidden stood and made his way to the living room. He poured himself a drink and raised it up in toast to two of the finest officers he'd ever had the pleasure of commanding. "I'm sorry."
At least they were together now.
No Distance would ever break them apart again.
FIN.
Authors note:
Sorry guys, okay.. I'm not.
So this ending was a challenge - I've been told some of our endings were cookie cutter, yeah this one is not.
The more I wrote this story the more I realized Mac would never been 100% Mac again. I had an idea that after all is said and done she would need heavy deprogramming, therapy etc.
You don't go through everything they did and just "Oh she's fine now…". I thought about writing a 3rd story but, I think a lot of folks just want it wrapped up.
Why Harm died was kinda simple. I was watching 'Somewhere In Time' and in the end the guy (Richard) dies of a broken heart. I had that idea in mind but, honestly, the man didn't need anymore trauma in his life. This was just a cheap and easy out. I can't see Harm just getting over Mac and starting a new life, not after everything he'd done to "fix" her. And I didn't want his pain to be long or drawn out.
So yes, that is it. No Epilogue, no cookie cutter happy ending. Cause, frankly, not everything is happy.
So use your imagination and imagine them meeting in another life, where they are not so stupid, not so hurtful to one another and just 'get it.'
Distance:By: Nikki Romero
Too far gone, too far gone
When we were apart
All I'd ever do is think about you
Syncopated hearts
Light years away but I still feel your every move
Like you're in my arms, so when you're not
And now that you are, it's like you're not
Oh, I've been holding on too long
Too far gone, too hard to reach us
Turning right, turning wrong
Could've been a hundred reasons
I don't know how we got lost
I don't know how we get back
We're too far gone, don't wanna feel this
Distance between us
Distance between us
(Too far gone, too far gone)
Distance between us
Distance between us
(Too far gone, too far gone)
Baby, timing is a fine line
Between lovers and strangers
'Cause I'm lying here at night
Right next to you and I hate this
It ain't right, but it's like I'm out of sync
Out of everything we used to dream of
Now it's like we'll never be enough
Oh, I've been holding on too long
Too far gone, too hard to reach us
Turning right, turning wrong
Could've been a hundred reasons
I don't know how we got lost
I don't know how we get back
We're too far gone, don't wanna feel this
Distance between us
Distance between us
(Too far gone, too far gone)
Distance between us
Distance between us
(Too far gone, too far gone)
When we were apart
All I'd ever do is think about you
Syncopated hearts
I don't wanna feel this
Distance between us
Distance between us
(Too far gone, too far gone)
Distance between us