You guys thank you all for reading and commenting, you all are amazing, and about last chapter, well, I'm sorry about that, but, it had to be like that.
There's something I guess I should have said earlier, I don't know what other writers do, but I want to reply to all of your reviews one by one, but then I'm also aware that most of you are guests, so, that leaves replying to everyone here fairly, but then again, sometimes it's just thanks. Believe me, this has been a paradox for me for a while, so, that's why I reply here to all of you expressing how grateful I am, I just still don't think it's enough but I do love every single one of you, and every single comment really makes my day.
Also, a little help please, I have been on this site for years, but, for some reason, I can't quite tell when the rating stop being a T and starts being an M, regarding sexual scenes, obviously, I never wrote a full sex scene, so, do you know where the T should be and where the M should start?
Anyway, I'm just going to leave you here with the aftermath of Lindsey's last sentence. Enjoy reading.
Photograph is by Ed Sheeran.
17. Photograph
"How are you and Julian?" Peyton sipped from her coffee at their break on work as she sat in Brooke's office.
"We're… good." She smiled.
Peyton smirked, "How good, Brooke Davis?"
Brooke blushed, "It's going just fine."
Peyton gasped, "You're blushing. The last time I saw you blush was in high school."
Brooke glared at her, "The last time you saw me was in high school."
"That's mean." Peyton frowned, "Which means you're caught." She then smirked again. "Come on, tell me."
Brooke sighed, "I don't know, I didn't expect it to be anything at first, I mean we met at a wedding." She said stating the obvious as Peyton smiled, "You know, I thought I'm the maid of honor, of course, he's gonna want to hook up. The thing is… we didn't."
"That's a first."
"Shut up!" she said and Peyton laughed.
"Alright, sorry, go on."
"We talked and he was actually nice, and then, we talked again, and again… and again. He's sweat on dates and he's caring…"
"But…?" Peyton raised her eyebrows.
"I don't know… What if it's just me?"
"Just you what, B.?"
"Thinking that this is… good. I mean it's been over two months… but I don't know how he really feels… or if he sees this going anywhere."
"Do you?"
"I hope it is."
"Then why don't you ask him?"
"I guess that's the logical thing to do." She said as they laughed, "But, I don't know, I mean, maybe I'm asking too soon? What if he's not there yet, but he could be, but then I ask and he won't be, you know?"
"Oh my God, Brooke, the guy is all over you. I spent just one day with you and I saw it, stop worrying over nothing."
"You spent the day trying to make Lucas jealous." Brooke smirked, and Peyton's heart skipped a beat at the mention of his name.
"No, I didn't, and don't change the subject."
"Fine, you're right, I'm probably over-reacting."
"Yes, you are. The guy doesn't stand a chance, Brooke."
Brooke smiled, "That's right." She said and they both laughed, "How are you and Lucas though?"
"There is no me and Lucas." Peyton answered her voice becoming a lot less enthusiastic.
"What are you talking about? You two kissed, and you were basically having eye-sex at Whitey's, don't think we didn't notice."
"We?"
"Irrelevant. What's going on?"
Well, Peyton didn't know what was going on in the first place to answer that; she has been trying to busy herself all the time not to think about it and get herself worked up over nothing, but ever since Thanksgiving, she has been trying not to speak to Lucas as much allowing him to get the distance he needs to make up his mind, yet, she never heard back from him.
And last night, she noticed he never came home back from work until late at night when she was already in bed, which should probably mean he was at Lindsey's, and she wondered if that's her answer… but yet, they never spoke about it.
She has been looking for a sign, any sign that could indicate where his head is at, and at first, she thought she knew, but now not so much, since being at Lindsey's this whole time should be a sign of its own.
"There's nothing going on, Brooke." She shook her head with a shrug.
"What are you not telling me, Peyton?"
She opened her mouth to answer that but then looked at her phone that was vibrating in front of her to see Jake's name flashing as it vibrated. She muted the phone with a frown and stuffed it in her pocket. This was the second time he calls her, he called yesterday too and she was surprised as she kept staring at the phone until it stopped ringing, to be honest, she wasn't in the mood to handle him, and she still isn't. Maybe that's a little too selfish, but, she knows she's not in the state to talk to him now seeing how things ended between them.
"Peyton?"
"Yeah? Sorry, what did you say?"
"Okay, now I'm worried, what's going on?"
"It really is nothing." She shook her head, "It's… too complicated at the moment."
Brooke raised an eyebrow, "Is it nothing or complicated, Peyton?"
"Kinda both in a weird way." She chuckled nervously.
"Well… do you wanna talk about it?"
"Honestly, no. Not now. But, soon…"
"That's okay, are you okay though?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"Alright." Brooke nodded, "I'm kinda bored, what do you say we go middle school and go catch a movie tonight?"
Peyton smiled at her grateful that she changed the topic, "That sounds great."
"Good. It's a date."
After a refreshing conversation with her best friend, Peyton left to go back to her office to busy herself once again with the few duties she has to do, but what she didn't expect was to find him waiting for her in her office,
"Hey, can we talk?"
She stood by the door frozen as she stared back at Jake; why is he here? Why now?
Great, that's exactly what she needs!
XxXx
Lucas found himself in an unenviable situation; for how is he supposed to deal when torn between his newly found feelings for his wife and his girlfriend being pregnant?
"Luke," she bit her bottom lip, "I think I'm pregnant."
After what seemed like decades of just staring at her and wondering over and over if he heard her correctly, because if he did, that would mean that everything he had in mind goes downhill and he needed to start over… he finally found his voice,
"You… you think?"
She was beaming, her smile was from ear to ear, "I mean I am."
"Oh, wow… um, how long have you known?"
"Well, I had my doubts, and then I couldn't wait anymore so I went to the doctor back at home… and turned out I was right." She told him before her smile dropped a little, "What's wrong? I… I thought this is what you want?"
And the scary thing is that it was what he wanted, he's always wanted a family, and only a few weeks ago, he was ready to end this whole marriage game and focus on starting a real one with Lindsey.
But, then he went on and started thinking about the possibility of just being with Peyton instead.
"Um, yeah, it is… it's just… too sudden." He stuttered and cleared his throat, "How far are you?"
"Eight weeks." She smiled and he only nodded so she sighed and moved closer to him, "Luke?" she gave a slight frown, "Are you not happy?"
"No, no, it's just sudden like I said."
Is he happy? Does he want this? Hell, he doesn't know! And he has always thought that the moment he learns he's going to be a father would be the best moment of his life… he never thought it would be this way…
So, there he was, in his office, unable to even think or concentrate, that day he had to stay a while longer than planned with Lindsey and again, it felt like years and years while his mind was racing, and after he left he spent the most part of his night at the river court; he didn't even attempt to play, he just sat there to think, and yet, he didn't come up with anything.
This was supposed to be the day he's told Peyton he's made his decision and that it's her… the decision he knew he'd take in the end… but now, things changed, and his view is changing.
He has to be rational and do the right thing, it's not like he's just gonna abandon Lindsey, he can't do this; he's not about to repeat history and leave one pregnant woman to be with another… it's not him and he can't just do that.
Yet, he doesn't know what to do about all those feelings; hell where did they even come from? He went drastically far from dedicating each passing second he spends with Peyton trying to annoy her, to spend it trying not to touch her, or kiss her, or trying to spend one more second with her. Hell, he just spent Thanksgiving doing absolutely nothing but trying to touch her in every possible way, and he just knows that if Lindsey hasn't called the moment she did, they probably would have gone all the way.
Which would have complicated things even more than they are already at this moment… how is he supposed to make up his mind really?
No, that's not the accurate question, the real one is how is he supposed to keep away from Peyton after everything that has happened, all of which are initiated by him, God, if she thought he was a jerk before, he can't begin to imagine what she's going to think of him now.
What is he even supposed to tell her?
God, this is so messed up.
He has been trying to find a way through this, a way that could grant him doing the right thing without messing on what he wants to experience with Peyton, but there were none that wouldn't make him a complete jackass.
XxXx
Peyton sat in front of Jake in silence, already plotting up a plan to escape this situation if she needed to.
"How are you, Peyton?"
"Good, good. How are you?"
"Yeah, fine too." He said awkwardly and then looked at her, "Listen, I'm sorry for dropping by like this, but I tried calling you… and I just wanted to talk, but if you don't then that's fine I'll just…"
"It… it's fine, Jake. I, uh, I was just too busy." She lied.
Jake gave her a look along with a smile, "I appreciate the lie." He said with a chuckle and she looked down, "But, you have always been a terrible liar, Peyton."
"Jake, I'm sorry, I just-"
"It's okay, it's okay. I understand. I wouldn't want to just talk to me either seeing how things ended."
Well, now she was startled; she didn't expect this statement, and being honest, she was now getting interested in what he has to say…
"I saw you around town a couple of times, and I wanted to say hi."
"Then why didn't you?"
"You, uh, you had company. You were with Lucas, and apparently, you're getting along now."
Again, she didn't expect that.
"You… you look happy, Peyton." He gave her a sad smile.
Now she got tensed again, "Jake…"
"No, relax, I told you it's fine." He reassured her, "I'm not here to blame you or to guilt you… in fact, I'm here to apologize."
"What?" He was just full of surprises today… or maybe it's her just expecting the worst to protect herself.
"You were right, Peyton… about everything. We weren't happy. And, I changed, I know I did, I know I had this negativity in me and I wasn't able to see things right…"
"Jake, it's not your fault… now that I had time to think about it, I… I guess at first I just wanted to be dependent on you… far more than healthily."
He nodded, "And I let you." He told her with a smile, "We screwed this relationship together, Peyton." He chuckled and she couldn't help but join.
"Well, yeah…" she said and then gave a sigh, "I'm sorry, Jake."
He shook his head, "Don't be. It's no one's fault, I guess we're just better off as friends."
She nodded in agreement, "I guess so, when we were together, we just brought out the worst in each other."
"Yeah." He gave her a smile before then getting up, "Well, I just wanted to clear things, I didn't want to leave things between us like that."
She smiled, "Thank you, Jake."
"No, thank you for taking this step for the both of us, Peyton." He said and she then saw the Jake she used to know coming back as she smiled and moved forward giving him a quick hug.
"It's good to see you're back."
He chuckled, "Well, not quite yet, but I'll be." He nodded, "It's so good to see you smiling like this again, Peyton."
"You too."
He gave her one last smile before walking towards the door, he had a hand on the knob when he turned around and looked at her with a smirk, "By the way, I always knew you and Lucas have much in common than you realize."
Her eyes widened, "There's nothing going on, Jake." She shook her head.
He smiled, "If that's your story."
Jake left and Peyton was left benumbed once again… she never expected Jake to come in, apologize and tell her she was right, but that's great… it seems like something was left off her chest, that she didn't even know was there.
Yet, there was still the other issue burdening her chest; she couldn't help but have it keep playing in the back of her mind wondering what is Lucas thinking now? What's his decision? And was she right to tell him to think about it? Shouldn't she have just let him talk then? What if she did? What if they have kissed? Would it have led to more? Would he have regretted it?
Ugh, too many questions and no answer.
XxXx
Lucas had to admit he's a wuss; if sneaking around his own house fearing to encounter Peyton doesn't make him one then he doesn't know what is.
He didn't have a plan of where to go, he just needed to get out of there, because he admits that he's not yet ready to talk to her, he doesn't want to sit and talk and tell her she was right on giving him time to think –even though he wishes she never did- or maybe he could tell her the whole truth, but, for some reason that was even harder; to tell her he wants her but he won't… and whatever he tells her, he doesn't want to see the look on her face.
So, it wasn't really pretty when he ended up running into her; it's not only that he didn't want to, but now he also looks like he doesn't want to and that's not his brightest of moments.
"Lucas…"
"Hey,"
"What are you doing?" she asked skeptically.
"Um nothing… I'm just… heading out."
She wasn't stupid, she knew he's trying to avoid her, and that was worse than knowing he doesn't want to be with her; he could at least tell her so.
"Are you… okay?" she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.
"Yes, yeah… I'm just uh… heading back to the company… I've got some more work to do."
She nodded unconvinced; apparently there was no need for the benefit of the doubt.
But, again, she still didn't like it, and she didn't like how he was handling things, so she pushed again, because if he has something to say, well, she's ready to hear it, "Lucas, why are you avoiding me?"
He stared back at her not knowing what to say for a moment; it was his shot, he could just grab it and talk to her; he could see that she wanted him to, he knew that it is probably the right thing to do, he should just tell her that nothing could happen between them.
But, he didn't want to, he wasn't ready to.
"Avoiding you? What are you talking about? I'm not avoiding you."
Again, she wasn't stupid, she saw right through the lie, but this time, seeing he was persistent to not say anything, she decided she shouldn't be the one asking for it; fine, she will let him have it his way, if he doesn't want to talk, so be it, she got her answer anyway.
"Okay." She nodded her face automatically pulling hard features.
"I'm not… really."
"Okay." She shrugged and then pushed past him heading for the stairs.
He squeezed his eyes shut and let out a sigh; he really was –is- a wuss!
This situation keeps getting more and more tangled, and he is not untangling it, he's rather complicating it even more.
XxXx
It's funny how he is getting upset over Peyton avoiding him seeing that he started doing it first and didn't even admit it, however, she picked up on it and she didn't press further, instead, she retreated back.
And he can't blame her, but, no matter what happens, this thing kept crumbling upon his shoulders, and he seemed to be the one getting even more upset with time.
There was a knock on his door followed by its opening and Nathan walking in, "Did you go over the MCA plan file yet?" he asked already going over some other papers in his hands ready to hand them to him.
Lucas was having a hard time concentrating and comprehending what he's saying in the moment, "Huh?"
Nathan looked up at him, "The MCA file, Lucas… did you go over it?" He repeated and Lucas must have been staring for too long with stupidity signs over his face as Nathan frowned and eyed the untouched file on his desk. He sighed, proceeded forward to sit down behind his desk.
"Alright, what's going on?"
Lucas snapped out of it and shook his head, "What? Nothing, there's nothing."
Nathan raised an eyebrow, "Look, you've not been focused for a while, and I'm done playing dumb; so, what's going on with you and Peyton?"
Lucas was taken off guard; well, no one has talked to him about it before, and he kinda just assumed that nobody noticed while living on his little dreamland, but obviously that wasn't true,
Nathan formed a light smirk, "And before you go on and deny it, just don't, because we already saw you at Thanksgiving, and that's just one day."
Lucas' eyes widened slightly, "What do you mean? What did you see?"
Nathan looked at him skeptically, "The way you were looking at each other, and the whispered conversations… why is there anything else we could have seen?"
"No… no," Lucas shrugged and shook his head before groaning, "Well, there's nothing going on… now."
"So there was…?" Having already been told by Haley to keep it a secret that he knew anything, he decided to hear the whole story from Lucas' point of view anyway… and by the look on Lucas' face, he knew he's about to crack and spill all the beans. He has seen it before whenever his brother was having trouble making a decision.
Lucas sighed, "It's… complicated."
"Look, you already screwed today's work by not going over the damn file, so, I've got pretty much nothing but time at the moment."
Lucas gave him an apologetic look and Nathan shook his head, "It's… it's crazy."
Nathan shrugged with a smirk, "Sure it is; it's you and Peyton." He rolled his eyes, "What the hell happened, Lucas?"
And so, Lucas started talking, he actually needed to, maybe voicing it out to someone else will be the start of it making any sense at all; he sure hoped so. And as it turned out, there were so many more details in the story than Haley knows, and Nathan was still surprised by the story in the end, and he took a few moments to process it before he started talking again,
"So, you like her."
"Yes."
"But, you haven't told her."
"No."
"But, you kissed."
"Yes."
"Only once?"
Lucas squinted uneasily and shook his head, "No, I kissed her, she kissed me… and then I kissed her… and then she kissed me… sort of when I asked…"
Nathan raised his eyebrows, "Wow,"
Lucas groaned, "Look, apparently, it's all the effect of having to live together, I mean we got to know each other on a level we never did those whole years, so yeah… it was ought to happen…"
Nathan gave a disbelieving look and a sarcastic short chuckle, "Do you believe that?"
Lucas shrugged, "I guess…" He more like needed to reason it out to be able to get over it.
"Then why are you perplexed now?" Nathan smirked, "Lucas, do you want to be with Peyton?" He asked carefully.
"I don't know, Nathan, does it matter?"
"Of course it does. You like her, and she obviously likes you too."
"Yeah, well, but we can't be together,"
"Why not?"
"Have you not been listening?" he glared at him, "I just told you, Lindsey is pregnant."
Nathan sighed, "Yeah, that's an obstacle."
"It's not an obstacle, Nathan, it's a reality slap, okay? I have Lindsey, and I did want a family, which she is now giving me… I just… I want everything to go back to normal." He said and sighed, "I don't get it, how did this happen? Why couldn't I just keep hating her?"
"You do know you never hated her, right?"
"What's that now?"
"Luke, you've always had a soft spot for Peyton."
He shook his head, "That's just nonsense."
Nathan scoffed, "Are you kidding me? You still don't see it?" he shook his head, "You did, since the day you laid eyes on her, I knew that even then, and despite hating each other's guts."
"What are you talking about?"
"Dude, you just started annoying the shit out of the poor girl for no reason what-so-ever."
"Yeah, because I didn't like her."
"No, because you did. You had a crush, that's how kids crush, Lucas, you know that, you decided that this is the best way to get her attention while keeping her away so you wouldn't be too obvious and because her father was friends with yours whom you hated then too." Nathan said with a winning smirk.
"Okay, what are you a psychic? A shrink?"
He rolled his eyes and continued, "When she only started getting back at you, and you maintained this as your relationship even when things were getting better with dad and me, it was already how your relationship was, you thought it was too late to have anything else for or with her… you kept it in and buried it, yet, you picked up on her and her boyfriends all the time."
"She was dating dickheads." He exclaimed defensively and Nathan gave him a 'seriously?!' look. He rolled his eyes, "Nathan, I think if I spent my whole life liking someone I'd have known it, I'm not…" he started but trailed off when he got this tingly feeling that something was off… but Nathan couldn't be right!
Nathan smirked, "You're not…?" he asked mockingly and then took a deep breath, "Just think about it, Lucas, you always teased her but you were never hurtfully mean to her even when she was –and that's because she never understood why you're doing it all…"
"I… I don't know. No, this all just happened recently because we are living together."
Nathan rolled his eyes, "No, it happened because she finally stopped insulting you back and started being nice to you." He said with a confident smirk and Lucas was too busy panicking to realize he never mentioned that specific minor detail. "Ever since you started this marriage thing, you've gone even softer with her. I mean I personally saw you protecting her when you absolutely didn't have to."
"What? When was that?" he asked challengingly.
Nathan smirked, "When you came back from your honeymoon, you defended her against dad and Larry, you talked to her and told her it's her decision, you made sure she doesn't have to face either of them unless she's ready, you stood up for her."
Lucas narrowed his eyes, "I stood up for us." He hissed.
Nathan rolled his eyes, "Please, if it was up to you, you'd have chosen to save the company either way, yet, you let her decide and went along with telling the truth…"
"What could I have done? Force her to stay fake-married to me?"
"The Lucas I know wouldn't have let it go easily without at least trying to talk to her." He told him confidently once again, "Why are you refusing to see it?" he chuckled, "You already know you like her and you kissed her… repeatedly for God's sake!" he shook his head, "I'm sure you'll find plenty of other similar situations if you think about it."
"Nathan, this is all…" he said in boredom but then trailed off as the words touched a string inside him making sense all of a sudden.
Nathan smirked, "There yet?"
"Oh my God…" he whispered out as he thought about it,
He did have a soft spot for her; he was never okay with seeing her hurt, he let her have her way millions of times, like whenever she changed deals with him, letting her change things in his house even though he wanted it just the way it was, always tried to ease her problems upon her even if indirectly…
He has always cared for Peyton Sawyer.
"Welcome to our reality." Nathan said with a chuckle and Lucas looked at him with the same shocked and confused look, "We have all always known it…" he explained even though Lucas appeared to not have heard anyway being too caught up recalling times when he cared for her indirectly… and they were too many.
How can he not know this about himself? Was he this emotionally detached?
"Fuck you, Nathan!"
"What?"
"Fuck you! You should have told me to forget about it, that I'm doing the right thing by taking responsibilities by staying with Lindsey, but instead, you came in here, played with my mind letting me think more about Peyton." He frowned angrily.
"Oh, Lindsey… that's an obstacle."
Lucas glared at him, "Will you stop calling it that and be serious for a moment? This is not an obstacle, and it's not a joke, I'm not just about to become another Dan Scott."
Nathan sighed, "Look, man, I get it, but, the way I see it, is that you're not doing what makes you happy."
"I want to have a family." He shook his head.
"Yeah, but, with Lindsey?"
"She's already pregnant; it's too late for that question. Besides, she's not a bad person, Nathan, she's actually great."
"Are you… even sure?"
"What are you talking about? Of course she is! And I'm not going to abandon her." He snapped and then sighed, "I just don't know how to do it, and now thanks to you, Peyton Sawyer is stuck deeper in my head."
Nathan sighed, "Look, man, you gotta have all you facts straight before making any decisions, and if you want my advice, I think you should be honest and tell Peyton the truth instead of letting her assume."
"Yeah, but what good would that make? It'll just leave the door open, I mean admitting that I wanna be with her but I just can't is an open invitation for temptation to sneak in at any given point."
"Alright, I see your point, but wouldn't not talking at all cause unnecessary drama?" he said and Lucas sighed closing his eyes, "Look, Luke, I know you don't want to repeat history, I get it. And I will be the first to tell you that taking decisions when there's a baby involved isn't the same."
"Finally, you're speaking some sense."
Nathan sighed, "You think that the right thing for the baby is to stick around and be with Lindsey, right?"
"I know that, Nathan, from personal experience."
"You know what, my own personal experience says? What's more important than having both parents around is having parents actually getting along." He said which seemed to shut Lucas up at a loss of reply. "Look, from my experience as a son and then a father, I can confidently tell you that you can't provide a healthy life for your kid unless you are happy yourself, wherever your happiness is." He said and it was true, things may be better now with his parents after finding themselves, but they weren't always.
"I… I can't even begin to think to figure out the right thing to do." Lucas said tiredly.
"Look, why don't you just take the rest of the day off and go relax, and make a decision, because if you keep avoiding it, you'll just keep sinking in your misery even more… and we need you here to save this shithole."
Lucas cracked a smile, "You're suddenly the wise one."
"I always am." He said standing up, "Now, I'll go deal with the sudden delay thanks to you."
"I will make up for this tomorrow."
"Yeah, you better." He said and walked over to the door before remembering something that was too important, "Hey, Luke," he turned around and Lucas looked up once again, "If you ever tell this story to anyone else, would you do me a favor and say that Peyton fell for you first?" he said and Lucas gave him a pretty confused look but Nathan just smiled and left.
He may have just convinced Lucas that he has always had a thing for Peyton, but he's not ready to lose those five bucks to Keith.
XxXx
"How's my favorite blondie?"
Peyton looked up and smiled when she saw Whitey coming in her office and she stood up but he motioned for her to sit back down as he proceeded towards her desk. He wasn't usually around, but he has been so more often lately because of the amount of work they're facing currently and until the deal is granted.
"How are you doing?" he asked her as he sat down.
"Good, good, work is going great."
"I didn't ask you about work." He smiled and she looked at him and smiled as well.
"I'm fine."
"Then why is your smile gone lately?" he asked her with a concerned voice, "What's with the dimmed face?"
Well, she didn't know she had a 'dimmed face', so, she struggled to come up with an answer and eventually told him the obvious one, "I guess it's just work stress."
"Is that your way of telling me you want some time off?" he smirked.
"No, no, I don't." she shook her head and he chuckled.
"So, it's just work, huh?"
"Yeah…" she said in a small voice.
"Alright, how are you and Lucas?"
She then looked at him wondering if that's where he wanted to lead her to all along, and then she was debating with herself how she should answer this question,
So, they're coming closer and closer to the deal, and they are all pretty confident with the offer they have that they believe they're gonna get it, even Whitey is hopeful about it, and if that happens, then that's it, the game is over, and she already knows what Lucas wants, so, she knows that it will be over. So, they might as well start introducing the idea that it's not working out…
"Honestly, not so good." She gave him a nervous look.
He frowned, "What are you talking about? You were just doing God-knows-what hiding behind the dinner table in my house the other week…"
Her eyes widened and her cheeks blushed fiercely as she stared blankly at him.
"I'm old but I'm not blind." He told her and she looked down running from his smirk.
"What's going on between you two?" He asked her changing the topic as she sighed,
"We, um, we're trying to work it out… but the fights keep coming."
"I thought you're in love."
She shrugged, "We are." She nodded lying through her teeth –or at least she thought she was, "But, you know it's not enough to make a marriage work."
"It is." He confirmed, "If it's not then it's not love… and if you want an old man's opinion, I'd say you just rushed to tie the knot, so, there will be differences, but if you really love one another, you'll find your way around it."
She found this ironic; she and Lucas have always had their differences, it's not until that marriage scheme that they started finding the similarities, and while they may be enough for her to start exploring what else they might have in common, apparently, it wasn't for him.
But, that's okay, she's okay with that and she knows how to get over it, after all it's not the first time in her life that she has to deal with someone not feeling the same as she is, and she was always fine once facing it.
This was all just a November fling, and it really was a sweet one, but November is over, and so is what they shared, so, she is fine.
"Yeah," she nodded with a smile, "Well, we are trying to make it work."
"You will. I know you will." He smiled at her.
"Thank you."
"Alright, so, take this file," he said handing her the file in his hand, "I want you to study it very well."
"What is it?"
"It's what you will have to know when you need to impress MCA. And screw over Fancy."
"What?"
"This is about the CEOs of both, personal things, Peyton."
"You want us to manipulate them? Like emotional blackmail?"
He laughed, "You need to know who you're up against. How to impress them and how to get to their heads. And no, I don't want us to do anything, I want you to do it… well, you and your hotshot of a husband."
"Why?"
He raised his eyebrows as if she's asking a stupid question, "Because we all agreed you two are going to represent the company in the meeting."
"What? When? No one told me that!"
"Just minutes ago, and I'm telling you now, aren't I? You two already negotiated with them before and you did a good job, it shouldn't really be coming to you as a surprise."
She took a deep breath and sighed; well, it's all gonna be over soon, what's some more time playing that they get along?
"Okay," she nodded.
"Take the file, study it with him and bond over it or something." He told her with a smirk before he got up to leave.
Well, she's obviously not going to go bond with Lucas while studying this, she got up minutes after Whitey left her; she's just going to make him a copy and give it to him, all they need is eventually work a plan to do this when it's time.
See? She's already getting over him.
XxXx
Lucas was just gathering his things to take the rest of the day off deciding to take Nathan's advice when she walked in and he activated his self-control,
"Hey,"
"I'm just meant to hand this to you." Peyton said handing him his copy of the file, "We're supposed to go through it, because apparently, we're representing the company in front of MCA."
"We as in…"
"Me and you."
"Oh." He nodded; he couldn't help but notice that she had to reason why she was there right away, and that wasn't something that he really liked.
"Yeah… I think we should just come up with a plan eventually."
"Um, yeah, sure." He nodded again noticing that she's being extra formal, or maybe just formal, like nothing else but formal, before anything, they would throw a comment here or there even at work to annoy one another, then when they started getting along, they were just… friendly and sometimes flirty, but, now, she's only formal and he didn't like that either.
"Um, one more thing…" she said and he looked at her after placing the file on his desk for tomorrow to go over, "It was Whitey who brought it in, and he was kinda asking about us… so, I thought since it's already coming to an end soon that some initialization is in order."
"Aha?" he was confused to where she's going.
"I told him that it's not really smooth between us."
"Oh." So, now he got it; but hearing her saying that it's coming to an end soon even though he already knew that's what she was thinking, wasn't something he liked too, and also the fact that she told Whitey so… something about it being official was just not desirable.
He knows he's the reason for all of that, he knows he's the one who made the decision, but, he had to, that doesn't mean he likes its consequences, especially after the whole Nathan speech and his uncontrollable feelings at the moment that seemed to be all over the place and in every direction that he didn't know what it is he's feeling exactly, he just knows that he's not comfortable.
"I just thought I'd let you know."
"Oh, yeah, um, thank you."
"Yeah," she said and turned around to leave.
And he didn't like that one bit.
"Hey, Peyton," he called and she turned around questioningly, and suddenly he froze, he didn't know what he wanted to say or what he called her for, he just did. "Listen, I… uh, I mean I know things are…"
"Lucas, don't." she shook her head.
"Don't what?"
"Don't talk about it." She shrugged.
"Why?"
"Because it's nothing. It meant nothing, and things are just fine between us… aren't they?"
Nothing and meant nothing. Wow, why does she keep saying things he doesn't like?
"They are." He nodded, "But… do you really mean that?" he asked feeling ready to tell her the whole truth right on the spot just so she doesn't say it meant nothing.
"I do." She shrugged, "There's no need for things to change or get awkward."
"Sure," he nodded, "If that's what you need to believe then, sure."
"What's that supposed to mean?" she couldn't believe he's the one getting upset now, how can he when he's the one who chose to just take a side and not talk in the first place not even having the courage to tell her his damn decision, God, she even let him make the decision as if he's being offered two different cars and he was choosing which would suit him better. She was such a fool.
"You say it meant nothing, then yeah, if that's what you believe then fine, sure there is no need for things to get awkward, because why would they when there was nothing in the first place, right?"
"Excuse me?" she frowned angrily, "Was it not nothing to you?"
"Does it matter? That's what it is to you."
She stared at him for a moment angrily trying to form words, "You… you're a fucking asshole, Lucas!"
"Right, that's me!" He rolled his eyes sarcastically.
"I'm sorry are you saying that you are mad? Why? Because when you suddenly felt like talking about it I said there's no need?" she narrowed her eyes, "After ignoring the topic for days and days, you suddenly want to claim it meant something to you and frame me as the asshole here!"
"How can it not? We kissed, Peyton, we kissed and we flirted and you and I both know it could have gone much further, but of course, it didn't because you stopped it, and why is that? Oh, that's right, because it's nothing!" He glared, "And they called me the player!"
"You're unbelievable! What? You suddenly realized that it means something? Or is all the fuss just because I'm letting go? And you can't take that someone is not obsessed with you!"
"What? What the hell are you saying?"
"I'm saying that you're a fucking narcissist who's obsessed with having people obsess over him, oh and that's probably why they called you a player. But, that's alright, it's my fault anyway for giving in to the crap you were saying and actually giving you the benefit of the doubt." She said and the tears that she has been fighting to hide started welling up in her eyes.
He was petrified upon hearing her words, he didn't know how to answer that, he didn't even know where it was coming from, he just saw her anger mixing with her hurt and he can't say it didn't match his own, but he didn't know what to do about that,
"What the- Are you being serious right now?" he scoffed, "How are you turning this on me? How has you saying it was nothing led to accusing me of this crap?"
"You know what, forget it, Lucas, because you are full of crap, so are all the things you're saying, and by the way, none of this words were 'yes, it meant something' or 'sorry I just brought it up', but that's okay, like I said, I shouldn't have expected to hear any of those in the first place." She gave him a glare and then turned around leaving his office with quick angry steps.
That's when it hit him what he has done; he screwed it even more, he solely focused on her –following his unintentional lead- letting go and saying it's nothing letting himself forget that he owed her an explanation for distancing himself in the first place when she was waiting for his decision… she was just securing herself and he attacked her because of it.
She was right; he's a jerk… in addition to previously admitting he's a coward.
So much for thinking about it and taking the right decision! He just drove her further away.
And knowing that she was actually waiting to hear certain things from him, broke his heart all the more. Why didn't he just say everything from the start?
Well, he didn't have a destination before, but it seems like he has now; he'd just go where he used to go to relax after a long tiring day, to Lindsey… after all, she has nothing to do with all of this, she might be able to take his mind off of the drama since it seems like he won't be doing any thinking now… that would just cause him more uncalled for pain.
Once there, she opened the door surprised to see him but then she gave him a smile, "Luke, I didn't know you're coming."
"Yeah, just thought I'd drop by."
"Sure. Come on in." she said stepping aside to let him in, "I'm just finishing up some report I have to hand in tomorrow."
"Yeah, sure, I'll be over there." He said tiredly walking over to her couch while she took a big comfy chair crossing her legs Indian style with her laptop on top of her lap.
Lucas threw his head back wishing that his thoughts would just drop out of it before letting out a sigh and standing up again to get off his suit jacket to get more comfortable.
He then noticed something on the table and frowned, "Did you have someone over?"
"No. Why?"
He looked at her and nodded towards the table, "Were you drinking?" he asked and she looked over at the half-empty glass of wine next to the bottle.
"Yeah…"
"Are you serious? Linds, you're pregnant!"
"Relax, Lucas, a sip or two won't hurt."
"That doesn't look like a sip or two. Seriously, you need to be careful."
She looked up at him with a smile and nodded, "Okay, I love you for caring though."
"Just… be careful, okay?"
"You look tired."
"I am." He sighed, "I'll just rest here until you're done." He said getting comfortable on her couch picking up his phone to find something that would take his mind off of things.
He opened Instagram and saw his mom just uploaded another picture from Thanksgiving and he and Peyton were in it standing next to each other with happy faces, he scrolled ignoring it and came across a post of Peyton's with her newest painting which he couldn't help but notice was darker than he used to see of her lately.
He gave up on Instagram altogether and decided to reply to a few messages he didn't have the time to go through earlier, but that was over quickly so, he thought that Twitter would be safe, but then after scrolling for a while he came across a tweet that she was obviously teasing Brooke with something he didn't know about, and she would have probably told him if he asked her, that if things were like they were before New York, or at Thanksgiving.
He gave up on social media to keep his mind off of her, or maybe he gave up on trying to not think about her in the first place, because next thing he found himself opening his photos and going through the photos they had to take during the honeymoon and some goofy pictures they took of each other shortly before New York when they were just teasing each other and having fun.
What's ironic though is that they didn't have to use the honeymoon photos after all, and that they were complaining about it back then, but right now, it's bringing a smile to his face, it's a sad one, but it's a smile.
"What are you doing?" He felt the couch sink as Lindsey sat on the other end.
"Nothing." He said locking his phone as he sat up straight to look at her properly, "Are you done?"
"Yes."
"So… when's your appointment?"
"Next week. I wish you could make it, but I know how swamped at work you are."
"Are you kidding me? I'll be there, I'm not missing to hear the heartbeats again."
"You didn't. I didn't hear them."
He frowned, "Didn't you go to a doctor?"
"Yeah…" she shrugged, "They weren't there yet."
"How come? You're eight weeks, right? You can hear them by the seventh week." Lucas was there during Haley's and his mother's pregnancies, and he did know some facts, because everyone as talking about it all the time, and if he's totally honest, he was fascinated by the whole journey and was thinking about being a part of it in his own family the whole time.
"Eight? No, Lucas, this is my sixth."
He frowned, "You told me you're eight weeks."
"No, I said six, dumbass." She rolled her eyes laughingly, "You must have got confused; you were too astonished, Lucas, seriously you should have seen your face."
Now he was confused; was he really that bad when giving a reaction? Is that how he received the news that he's going to be a father? It sure wasn't good! And then it became clear to him, he owes it to himself, to Lindsey and to the unborn baby to be committed to this journey, to give it his all, he can't let what he thought he felt for a couple of weeks ruin everyone's life.
He was doing the right thing, he was sure this time.
And even though something felt off, he's going to get over it. He has to and he will. It was time to let go of this sudden crush that was born due to circumstances and start taking responsibilities the right way; who said that Peyton isn't the obstacle in his way? After all, it's Lindsey who's willingly starting a family with him, a family he's always wanted. Maybe he got it all wrong before, maybe he really should have given Lindsey a chance… and there she is, just the right amount of commitment.
He knew he was doing the right thing.