Jade wasn't sure how long they sat outside for, only that it was long enough for the breeze to penetrate enough to make her cold; even then she didn't complain, she didn't say a word. It was Beck who noticed the raised flesh on her exposed neck and suggested they go back to her room. Jade didn't actually want to go back to the room, it suddenly felt oppressive in comparison to her time spent in the garden, but she didn't really have a choice in the matter. She managed to semi-successfully walk herself the couple of steps from the chair to the bed, without wobbling; although, Beck stayed close, ready to catch her if she fell. Jade wanted to be annoyed at the coddling, but she couldn't seem to muster up the energy for it.
A tray had been left with food on it, but it had long since gone cold. Jade barely paid it any heed, to Beck's dismay, but he salvaged the fruit and biscuits in case she wanted them later. He left to return the tray, certain the smell was getting to Jade just as much, if not more, than it was getting to him. Jade checked her phone, feeling a small pang of something she couldn't quite identify at the lack of messages. She knew she shouldn't be surprised, but she'd half been expecting her father to send another message, if only just checking in because she hadn't responded to his earlier message. With her good arm, she awkwardly placed her phone face-down, back on the side before picking up the controls to the bed to recline it slightly. It was almost laughable to Jade that she was actually considering a nap in the middle of the afternoon, it was ridiculous how much had changed in less than a week; and there it was again.
Like a high-speed freight train, the enormity of everything that had happened hit her all over again. The fact that she could barely walk under her own steam, the fact she'd never get to see her mother again, the fact her father was now popping in and out of her life at his leisure. Her thoughts drifted to the previous Tuesday, to going to school like normal, barely noticing her mother's absence in the morning. She was so used to the odd hours her mother kept, Jade had stopped registering when she came and went, so often locking herself in her room after school if she bothered to go straight home at all. Jade would try to stay out where possible, frequenting various coffee shops and secluded school study spaces until such a time as she had to go home. It made avoiding her mother altogether easier, only being home to eat and sleep from the safety of her room. Her mother barely commented on it, usually reduced to snide comments made in passing when they did see each other.
"You're a nasty little bitch."
The words from the previous week suddenly resurfaced in her mind, and Jade was unable to stop them from pulling her back to the kitchen and the argument that ended with a glass being thrown. Her mother's cutting words bouncing around her head again and again until Jade couldn't hear anything but them. Her breathing started to quicken, and she felt the same panic rise within her that she had felt that evening as she bolted from the house.
A buzzing started in her ears, low at first but getting louder as the final seconds before she fell down the stairs swum before her again.
'Pushed.'
'She pushed you down the stairs.'
Jade's chest went tight, as though it was suddenly being crushed by a weight far heavier than her. Her breathing was short as the world started to swim around her, her head pounding in time with her heart which felt as though it was about to break free of her rib cage.
Her hands scrambled over the sheets, desperate to find something to ground her, something to hold onto, but there was nothing. The sheets were softer than before, too soft, and the threads she was so used to pulling were gone. As her vision continued to swim, Jade became desperate.
Was this what dying felt like?
She tried to move, practically tearing the sheets off the side of the bed as she searched for something, for the purple giraffe, or even a hand to hold but she came up empty once again. Jade was certain she was going to pass out, there was no way she could keep this up for much longer; the thought was almost comforting, the idea that oblivion wasn't too far away.
As Lane walked down the corridor, he felt reasonably optimistic, his meeting with the Jade's medical team having gone well. Dr Williamson had taken some convincing but Jade's surgeon, Dr Griffiths, had been supportive of the swap. For what it was worth, now Lane had met Dr Williamson, he understood more why Jade didn't like the therapist. It was nothing to do with her ability to counsel but more her manner, and the way she carried herself that he was realising would have rubbed Jade up the wrong way. Jade wasn't the most tolerant of people to begin with, and to have to commit to being vulnerable in-front of someone was a big ask if you didn't like them. It did leave Lane with some apprehension however, as he never considered himself to be on a list of people Jade liked; he'd never even given it that much thought. Their conversation outside had given him some hope that he could help her if she would let him in close enough but, if she didn't, they would have limited options to get her the help she needed.
Lane sighed quietly, unexpectedly weary for only the second day of a week. He never would have imagined a turn of events quite as dramatic as this would be something he had to deal with working in a school, even if it was a performing arts school. He paused as he read the room numbers, realising he'd found the correct corridor and arrived outside Jade's room. He knocked quietly on the door, not wanting to barge in unannounced but there was no response. He chanced a look through the small window and was surprised to see Jade laying on the bed with no Beck in sight.
'Maybe he's gone home for a rest' Lane reasoned with himself, pausing as he considered leaving Jade to her rest, but something wasn't quite right. He looked again, this time really looking as he took in her tense posture, even from behind the glass he could see the tension in her body, the way her jaw clenched. Lane frowned as his eyes drifted down the bed and saw the frantic motion of her free hand, partly obscured by bed railings. Instantly he recognised the movement from earlier but now it was different and alarm bells went off in his head. Realising there was no nurse in the vicinity, Lane entered the room and carefully approached the bed.
"Jade, everything okay?"
Lane wasn't sure what to expect but Jade's eyes snapped open and she took in a ragged breath which ended up as more of a gasp followed by a second shorter gasp as she struggled to get air into her lungs. Lane lurched forward, hurriedly pressing the call button for the nurse before trying to help Jade into an upright position.
"Jade, it's okay, you're safe, we need to get you sitting up" he spoke calmly, trying to make keep eye contact however Jade's eyes were pale and glazed in fear for whatever she was seeing. Lane knew a lot about panic attacks, he'd seen a fair number of students suffer with them, but this was definitely one of the more extreme he'd ever seen. As Jade failed to respond, he put an arm on her good side intending to gently guide her upright, but his action only seemed to panic Jade further. She recoiled harshly, almost pushing herself completely to the other side of the bed, her eyes darting around in a manner that only confirmed whatever Jade was seeing, it wasn't the room around her. Her slinged arm knocked into the other bed guard, causing pain to ricochet through her shoulder, only adding to the torrent of sensations currently assaulting her.
"Jade?" Beck's alarmed voice made Lane turn to see the teenager flying through the door, evidently having seen her distressed movements.
Beck rounded the other side of the bed in an instant, narrowly avoiding a collision with the still precariously stacked fruit paraphernalia Cat had bought.
"Jade" Beck said her name softly as he positioned himself in-front of her, resisting the urge to touch her after having seen her recoil so harshly at Lane's attempts. Lane thumbed the call button a few more times, frustrated that no one had yet responded.
"Come on, it's okay" Beck was still talking in the same soft tone, now holding Jade's gaze as her eyes cleared slightly. Her chest was still heaving but her breaths weren't as short. Her hand was still searching, the movement so vigorous it was as though it was entirely separate from the rest of her body. Beck saw it and gently reached across her and took hold of her hand. The effect was almost instantaneous, as Jade immediately closed her hand around Beck's, squeezing so tight Beck had to swallow against the pressure.
"That's good Beck, just keep talking to her" Lane's voice was low, and Beck didn't even glance his way as the counsellor swiftly backed out of the room.
"Come back to us Jade" Beck murmured "It's going to be alright."
Jade could still hear a roaring in her ears, still feel her pulse as though her heart was beating with the force a high-powered engine but now there was something else there as well. She could feel the warmth had returned to her hand and she could feel a second calmer, steadier pulse under it. She tried to hold tighter, only to be unable to instead feeling something soft that didn't make sense. She felt odd, almost nauseous before the same warmth suddenly encompassed her upper body; she allowed her eyes to shut and let herself revel in the feeling, trying to convince the invisible ties around her chest to loosen. She could feel soft vibrations, but she wasn't sure where they came from, an exhale of air that danced across her ears like a summer breeze. Her mind started to drift from the disjointed recollection of a dark staircase to an unidentifiable cliff edge which overlooked a vast cerulean blue sea.
The place seemed familiar somehow, but Jade couldn't remember having ever been there before. The waves crashed against the rocks but with almost no sound. Jade considered the sound was lost on the wind, but the wind was barely there. It was as though someone had simply muted the chaos beneath her, leaving her in an almost eerily quiet haze, staring out to the horizon where the blue of the sea met the ill-defined grey of the sky above. Jade stared, finding herself unable to do much else.
Beck felt a wave of relief come over him as the sedative started to work on Jade, causing her to relax slightly in his embrace. He looked up at the other two occupants in the room, taking in their expressions from the grave look on Lane's face to the resigned look on Emma's, who was still holding the now empty syringe.
"It's the same one we administered before, she should come around in thirty minutes or so" Emma informed them.
"Alert us when she does, I want to give her shoulder a check."
Lane nodded his agreement and Emma left; Beck stayed focused on the girl now slumped against his chest. He knew he should probably lay her back onto the bed, but he wasn't ready to let her go just yet.
Everything he'd been thinking, the bad feeling hanging over him whenever he left had just been proved correct, something had happened when he wasn't there, maybe even because he wasn't there. He tried to take comfort in the fact she was still there, her body warm against his as proof of this, but it did nothing to chase away the inner anger he felt for not being there in the first place.
"The nurse said this has happened before, was this what you told me about at school?" Lane questioned quietly.
"Yeah, on Saturday after her father visited" Beck confirmed "But I don't know what would have set her off this time, I thought things were going well."
Lane felt a wave of sympathy overcome him, not just for Jade but also for Beck as he took in just how lost the boy in front of him sounded.
"The brain is very complicated" he started to explain "Even now, it's one of the parts of the body that we know the least about because there are so many different layers to it."
Lane dropped himself into Beck's usual chair, resting his elbows on his knees as he continued.
"Jade's brain has been through significant emotional trauma following what I now believe were years of emotional abuse, and she's now struggling to cope."
"So, she just had a panic attack of her own accord?" Beck questioned, trying to understand what Lane was telling him.
"Essentially although these things will have triggers, although they won't always be obvious, it can be a person, a conversation with certain words or even a thought."
If possible, Beck looked even more downcast at Lane's latest admission; how was Jade going to be able to fight something like that?
"What's more is I'm not certain that was a panic attack"
"What else would it be?"
"As I'm sure you know, Jade has a working diagnosis of PTSD" Beck nodded his head briefly, while nothing had been explicitly stated, his night-time internet searches had led him to believe as much.
"Well, one of the defining factors in PTSD can be episodes where the person flashes back to the event that caused it, in a lot of ways it is more severe than a panic attack as the brain is under attack on several different levels, emotionally, neurologically and physically" Lane exhaled as he gathered his thoughts together,
"The effects are longer lived and can also fit into any of those three groups."
Beck looked down at Jade who was still resting against his chest, her head tucked tight enough under his chin that every so often her hair tickled it as he spoke. He took in the jagged cut which he could now see clearly as he was looking down on her, his eyes strayed further down to her shoulder and sling around her arm that he'd so carefully positioned even with everything going on, to make sure he didn't hurt her further. If you'd asked Beck a week ago whether Jade was a strong person, he would have said yes immediately and while his answer was still the same now, if not more emphatic, he couldn't help but wonder if she was strong enough to beat all of this.
His thoughts must have been reflected on his face as Lane started to talk again.
"Many people recover from PTSD Beck, but it does take time, there isn't a quick fix"
"It's so unfair" Beck's voice was hoarse, thick with emotion "Why did so much have to happen to her in one go?"
"Life is rarely fair" Lane commented evenly, carefully watching Beck as he tried to deal with the emotions welling up within him. After Beck's outburst in his office the day before, Lane was also concerned for his wellbeing. It appeared as though he'd thrown himself headfirst into the role of being Jade's main support, exacerbated by the fact that she genuinely didn't seem to have anyone else to fill that role, but it was a big undertaking. As it was, Lane didn't think Beck would be dissuaded from his new purpose, nor did Lane necessarily think that he should be, but he intended to watch Beck closely as well.
"I'm going to step out and make some calls, but I won't be far"
Beck nodded but didn't look-up.
"You should get Jade back onto the bed; she may be very disorientated when she wakes up".
Lane's tone was kind, but it was clear that what he was saying wasn't actually a suggestion.
After the counsellor left, Beck didn't move immediately. He just stayed still half-standing, half perching on the side of the bed just reassuring himself one last time that Jade was still there, still breathing and still alive. He didn't think he would ever forget the icy cold of her skin when he'd found her at the bottom of the staircase, the terror he felt as he waited to feel her breath or see her chest rise and fall. Beck hadn't known that he was capable of feeling a terror that great and he wanted more than anything to never feel that way again.
It was only as his back started to really complain that he carefully moved her, so she was laid down on the bed. He tried to pull the covers up as best he could, noting that the sheets must have been changed while they were out of the room. He frowned as he realised that her small hole was gone, suddenly understanding more of her behaviour when he'd returned to the room barely half an hour before. Beck returned to his usual side of the bed, spying the giraffe that had been moved on top of his bag and evidently not put back on the bed. He eyed it for a second as he picked it up, suddenly finding the lurid purple body too bright against the neon green mane, but he placed it on the bed so Jade could easily reach it if she wanted to.
He was about to sit down himself when he saw her start to stir. Immediately his hand was back in hers, reminding himself she could be disorientated. Her eyes flickered open and, for a brief moment, Beck thought everything would be fine until she bolted upright, her breathing suddenly fast and short.
"Jade, Jade look at me, it's fine, you're fine, everything is fine" Beck hurried, bringing their joined hands up to his chest again, mimicking the action that had started to calm her before. Jade met his eyes, confusion bleeding through her scared expression but her jaw was no less clenched. Back pushed her hand harder against his chest, right where his heart was beating slightly faster than usual.
"Breathe with me" he tried for a reassuring expression, desperate to help her get it under control.
Jade looked at him for a beat longer before swallowing hard and focusing in on the steady rise and fall of Beck's chest under her hand and the warmth she could feel there. Beck tried to exaggerate his breathing, wanting it to be as easy as possible for her but had to be careful not to choke himself as the air seemed to keep getting stuck in his throat. After a few minutes, Jade finally seemed calmer and Beck allowed himself to relax slightly. Her hand sagged slightly in his and he took it off his chest, keeping them joined but back on the sheets.
"What happened?"
Beck tried not to read too much into her tone, the stark vulnerability making him feel like the small progress of the last few days had been wiped in a few short minutes.
"You had an episode of sorts" he tried to explain "They had to sedate you again"
"But they never did before?" Jade was confused and still groggy, none of this was making sense.
"This was different to before, you were-" Beck broke off, unsure how best to explain it "You were almost hyperventilating, and you were really scared".
"I don't remember" Jade was frowning now, struggling to get her brain to piece together what Beck was telling her. She thought she could remember being scared but then all she could remember was feeling cold and something that made her think about sea air; nothing was making sense.
Beck watched her carefully as he hit the call button for the Nurse, this time it was barely a minute before Emma was walking through the door.
"Ah Jade, you're awake, that's good" her forced cheeriness aggravated Beck but went practically unnoticed by Jade who was still trying to process what was happening around her. As she took Jade through a series of questions about how she was feeling, Beck sat quietly, only relinquishing her hand when he finally had to. Emma left satisfied that Jade hadn't hurt herself further but leaving some extra painkillers for her headache. As if more evidence was needed that Jade wasn't herself, Beck had thought darkly when she had admitted her head hurt a lot to Emma.
Lane re-entered the room, having encountered Emma on her way out who brought him up to speed. To Beck, he appeared as the epitome of calm and reason which frustrated Beck more than he thought it should. He felt envious that Lane could be so chilled in this situation while he sat there with his stomach tying itself in ever tighter knots.
"Jade, how are you feeling?" He had approached the bed but stayed a respectful distance in Jade's direct line of sight. Jade looked at him, the debate as to whether to bother answering him played out across her face ultimately swayed as Lane stayed firm. She begrudgingly remembered the talk they had in the garden, which was almost all she could remember for the afternoon, where she'd promised o=to try.
"My head hurts" she finally said, avoiding prolonged eye contact "I'm tired" she fiddled with the fur on the giraffe by her hand.
Lane nodded understandingly,
"I expect you're bored of hearing this but that is normal – do you remember what happened?"
Jade shook her head.
"Okay, don't force yourself to remember" he instructed "You need to cut yourself a break".
Jade looked up at him surprised, as though that was the last thing she expected him to say.
"Seriously, try and get some rest – proper rest" he clarified "I'll be back in the morning to see how you're doing and to start discussing treatment with you"
"They agreed?"
"Yes" Lane smiled "I've spoken to your father as well and he is onboard as well, so tomorrow we will start off nice and slow".
If Lane had hoped the snippet about her father would have cheered Jade up a bit, he would have been wrong. A dark expression flickered across her face, it was fast and gone within seconds, but it didn't go unnoticed.
Jade stared off into the distance and Lane knew not to push it, instead turning to Beck.
"When I said rest, I meant you too" he was sterner now.
"I'm not leaving" Beck was defiant, ready to argue if he had to.
"That's not necessarily what I'm suggesting" Lane was now treading carefully "But I have a responsibility to you as well and I will be updating your mom, as you should be" He gave Beck a pointed look and Beck had the decency to look slightly abashed. Content that he had made his point, Lane departed sparing only one last glance through the window to witness Beck holding Jade's hand again. He sighed quietly before setting off down the corridor.
Jade felt Beck take her hand and didn't bother to resist, the painkillers were making her drowsy and the security from his hand was too nice to deny herself. Her last thought as she drifted off to sleep was how odd it was that something as simple as a hand hold could affect her so much.
It didn't take long for Beck to close his eyes and start to doze after Jade had fallen asleep; apparently Lane had noticed his tiredness more than he had. It didn't feel like he was out long before he was interrupted again but the arrival of the dinner round.
"She's only just got to sleep, but she didn't eat any lunch" he whispered to the man who'd brought the trays that evening. He nodded in understanding,
"The nurse arranged for her to have sandwiches for her evening meal" he showed Beck the packaged food. "She can eat it when she wakes up"
"Oh, thanks" Beck was suddenly overwhelmed with gratitude for such a simple gesture and smiled at the man's back as he left the room.
He checked Jade was still sleeping soundly and was just about to settle back down when he felt the tell-tale buzz in his back pocket.
Incoming Call: Mom
He frowned, not wanting to leave the room to take it but equally didn't feel as though he could ignore it, especially after what Lane had said. He accepted the call, before speaking in a hushed voice.
"I'm just leaving the room, give me a minute"
He moved quietly out of his seat and out the room but no further, content to hover outside so he could see through the window in case anything happened.
"How are you Beck? How's Jade?" His mother's tone was carefully controlled but Beck could tell she was anxious.
"Not great" he replied and explained the events of the afternoon.
"You're still sleeping at the hospital?"
"Yeah, I can't face going home right now" Beck ran a hand through his hair, hoping his mother wasn't about to object too much. She did sigh but offered no real argument.
"I know that's what you think now but you may want to consider it soon, Beck"
"Yes mom"
"Beck I know what you're going through is hard, and it's wonderful you want to be there for her, both your father and I are very proud of you" Beck felt flushed as she spoke, his eyes suddenly misting slightly. Those were not words he heard all that often and definitely didn't expect to be used when concerning Jade.
"But you need to look after yourself as well, or you will be of no use to anyone"
"I know Mom, I'll try I promise"
"We'll be home this weekend, but I want you to keep me updated, properly"
"Yes Mom"
"You'd better not be sassing me, young man" She teased him gently.
"Never, Mom" the slight smile was evident in his voice.
"Much better, I love you Beck, sleep well"
"Love you too, Mom"
The call ended making him feel lighter and heavier all at once. It was nice his parents were trying, and his mom was definitely being more lenient than he thought she would, but he supposed it was hard not to once she realised her son wasn't going to let Jade go through this alone. It wasn't that his parents hated Jade, and he was sure they never actively wished her ill will, but they didn't approve of the relationship. They saw it as Beck rebelling and trying to assert his independence, the culmination of many things that had contributed to their strained relationship over the years which included his decision to go to a performing arts school. His move to the RV had actually helped their relationship, as his parents had then realised, he wasn't kidding around about making his own rules.
Beck slipped back into Jade's room, encouraged to see she hadn't moved since he left, and flopped back into the chair. His weariness seemed to assault him, and his eyes started to shut of their own accord; barely two minutes later, Beck was asleep.
When Jade woke the following morning, she was frustrated to still feel the familiar, and painful, throb in her head. Against her better judgement, she opened her eyes wanting to know what the time was and luckily it was just early enough that it wasn't too bright. She tried to recall the events of the previous afternoon, but everything still seemed fuzzy, like a photograph where everything was just out of focus.
For some reason she felt an anxiousness gnawing away at her the more she tried to remember, and all she was getting back was a feeling of fear. It was when a sudden pain shot through her jaw and up into her head that she realised she was clenching her jaw. Jade took a deep breath and tried to bury the feeling, pushing at it until she stopped thinking about the previous afternoon altogether.
Somewhat calmer, she turned her head to look at Beck who she was relieved to see was in his normal position in the reclining chair by the bed, a copy of 'The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde' upside down in his lap. They'd finished The Scissoring yesterday evening but neither one of them was ready for sleep, luckily Beck had apparently planned for that and pulled another of her favourites from his bag. That much she did remember, she had woken up around 11pm to the sound of Beck eating a packet of crisps, her painkillers having worn off by then. Beck had made her eat something before she took her evening medication but having slept through most of the evening already, she didn't fall asleep straight away. Instead, Beck had set them up with the books and more fruit tea, that she was now grudgingly accepting as not the most awful drink in the world, although it still didn't come close to coffee.
She tried to reach for her phone, which was just out of reach, but her arm felt too heavy to move. She frowned but gave up after her second attempt, finding the muscles felt like they were on the brink of seizing. It was odd, the more she thought about it, the more she realised her whole body felt like it. She let her arm drop back to the bed with a soft thump, only for it to be followed by a loud clatter as the phone in question was bounced onto the floor.
"Whass goin' on?" Beck jumped out of his seat as the noise woke him with a start, on his feet before his eyes were fully open.
"Jade? Are you okay?" He blinked furiously, trying to wake himself up only to find Jade looking at him strangely.
"Yeah, my phone fell" Jade offered as an explanation but didn't move.
"Huh? Oh" Beck looked down at the phone on the floor "It fell?" he questioned, debating whether it was worth asking whether she had actually thrown it. Jade's eyes narrowed slightly at the implication.
"It fell, I was trying to get it."
Wisely, Beck didn't question her further and bent down to retrieve the phone before handing it to her. She clicked it to life briefly before setting it back down, another ten notifications from Cat could wait awhile. She turned her attention back to Beck, who was now running his hands through his hair and down his face, and it suddenly struck her how tired he looked. He looked as bad as she felt but lacked her reasoning for it. She surmised he wasn't getting as much as sleep as she was as he kept reading as she drifted off, he also wasn't being jabbed with a sedative when his brain got out of control, but he looked far beyond normal tired and more worn.
"Beck, are you alright?"
Beck turned to her, blinking in surprise.
"Isn't that supposed to be my line?" he half chuckled but Jade didn't so much as smile.
"You don't look good" She said bluntly but Beck tried to brush her off.
"It's the chair, doesn't give me the ten hours of beauty sleep I'm used to."
Jade had teased him relentlessly in the past about his inability to stay up late, always saying that it was because he was afraid of getting ugly if he didn't sleep enough. Now though, she wasn't so sure, was Beck suffering so much because he wasn't going home at night?
"If you'd rather go home -" Jade started but Beck cut across her immediately.
"Nope, I won't sleep as well if I go home" he stated firmly, refusing to even consider it.
"You're obviously not sleeping well here" Jade pointed out
"It'll be worse at home, at least here I know-" He broke off, unsure as to whether they were in the right place for him to finish the sentence without it becoming awkward.
"You know what?" He should have known Jade wouldn't let that go. He looked her straight in the eyes.
"At least here I know you're okay"
Jade felt something akin to a flutter in her stomach with a simultaneous gut punch of guilt, apparently revived from the other day.
"Beck"
"Nope, no guilt" Beck dismissed, almost forcibly cheery "We've been through this, more than once, and I'm not changing my mind, if anything I'm doing this as much for me as I am for you."
Jade wanted to argue but she remembered their conversation from before and shut her mouth. She knew she didn't want to send Beck away anyway, he felt like the only grounding force for her in all this, the only real stability she had.
They sat quietly again, watching the room lighten and change colours around them as the sun rose over the horizon. The stillness was slowly interrupted as the hospital began to wake-up, but it was still relatively quiet when Beck's phone buzzed.
(1) New Message: Tori Vega
Hey Beck! Hope everything is going alright, and that Jade is feeling better. Can you come to the main hospital entrance?
Beck felt his stomach lurch unpleasantly. What was Tori playing at? He said Jade didn't want visitors and that meant no one, not even Cat at the moment. And so early in the day as well?
"Something wrong?" Jade had seen his face change.
"Nope" he popped the 'p' in an attempt to appear causal, and unbothered. He stuffed his phone into his pocket, prepared to ignore the message completely before another thought struck him. What if Tori spoke to the receptionist and found out the room?
Shit.
"I'm going to go to the restroom" he announced, as nonchalantly as he could manage. It meant leaving Jade, but he was more willing to leave to prevent whatever was about to happen if he didn't deal with Tori. It didn't stop him from pressing the nurse call button into Jade's hand before he left, reminding her to press it if anything changed. He felt the same stab of anxiety, but he pushed it down as he sped off through the maze of corridors.
"Beck! Hey!" Tori called as Beck exited the door, beckoning him over to the bench she was sitting on.
"Tori?" Beck was confused "What's going on? Wait, what is that?" He motioned to the basket wrapped in cellophane sitting next to her, a giant black bow adorned on top.
"We got some bits for Jade" She explained, practically giddy. "We wanted to make sure she was comfortable in hospital"
"We?" Beck was still lost.
"Yeah, you know, Me, Andre, Robbie and Cat".
"Oh"
"What, you don't think it's a good idea?" Her voice suddenly became worried and her face fell.
"No, it's just unexpected is all"
"Oh, well, I know she doesn't want to see anyone, and we all know she doesn't do sympathy so we thought this might be a good compromise."
Beck was momentarily taken aback at the thoughtfulness of their friends. While he knew they were all shocked and upset when he'd told them the news, he didn't expect this. He felt slightly ashamed that he'd just assumed Tori was going to want to visit Jade and not take no for an answer. He was still a little confused, after all Tori and Jade were not really friends in any sense of the word, but he pushed it aside; that was something he could dwell on later.
"Will you give it to her?" Tori's voice broke through his thoughts, her expression expectant.
"Uh, yeah, what's in it?
"Oh this and that, things we thought she might need, Cat helped pick out stuff that Jade would like."
Beck took that with a pinch of salt, thinking of the differences between the two girls.
Tori picked up the hamper and passed it to Beck.
"Sorry, but I've got to get going, I've got early rehearsal at school today for the Spring showcase" She said brightly.
"No, that's fine" Beck grappled with the edge, it wasn't huge, but the cellophane made it slippery.
"And let us know if Jade likes it?" Tori asked and Beck simply nodded.
After Tori had left, he placed the hamper back down on the bench, pulling the bow aside so he could see what was inside. There were around 8 items he could see, most creams or lotions of some sort but also a little box of mints, some chocolate peanuts that Jade coveted and a small fluffy bat? Beck raised an eyebrow, deciding that was definitely Cat's influence. He deliberated for a moment, unsure how Jade would react to the hamper but ultimately decided it was worth it and carried it in.
Jade wasn't surprised when Beck returned having obviously been somewhere other than the restroom, even in her groggy state, she wasn't stupid. Also, despite being a Class A actor Beck was an awful liar, to her at least. However, she was surprised when he came back with a wrapped and bowed hamper.
"Don't tell me they're giving out gifts in the men's room now" She stated dryly.
"Ah no, I wasn't in the men's room" Jade raised an eyebrow in a classic 'no shit' expression, which was no less effective despite the tiredness in her eyes.
"I got a text that this was being dropped off, for you" He added hastily as he set it on the edge of Jade's bed. She eyed it warily, as though one might a bomb that was waiting to explode.
"Beck, what is this?" Her patience was running thin and this wasn't making sense to her. Beck reached to rub the back of his neck,
"Tori, Andre, Cat and Robbie wanted to get you some things, to try and help you feel better."
Jade stared at him and then at the hamper, her expression blank. He could practically see her withdrawing, creating the distance she was so used to using as a shield and Beck cursed himself for thinking bringing it in was a good idea.
"They just wanted to help Jade" he tried to salvage the situation "They wanted you to know they were thinking of you".
Jade's expression darkened as she stared at the hamper. Feelings were welling up inside her, confusion, anger and chiefly shame were rising up as quickly as she could squash them. The more she stared at the hamper, the worse it seemed to get. Beck watched her, wishing more than anything that he could just get it out the room and pretend it never happened. Yes, it had been a nice idea, but Jade wasn't ready for this just yet, and he saw that now. It was too much to deal with, other people's feelings, hadn't she already told him that? Especially when she was this vulnerable after the events of the previous afternoon, the last thing she wanted was to factor other people into that equation, no matter how well-intentioned the gesture had been.
"I can put it away if you want, you don't have to open it, not now" Beck was almost timid, but he wanted Jade to know she had options, not to make her feel like she was cornered. Jade regarded the hamper for almost a further full minute before her eyes flicked to Beck's in silent agreement. He moved immediately, taking the hamper and putting it down by his bag, covering it with the pillows and blanket from his chair bed. He turned back to Jade who looked like her mind was far away had it not been for the obsessive movement of her hand against the giraffe fur. He found himself biting his lip as he worried before offering up his hand again.
She hesitated; her movements stilled for a second before she took it carefully in hers. He could practically feel the hurt and confusion radiating off her in waves, the seemingly endless conflict in her head as every detail was deliberated. He moved with a quiet determination, moving the call button back to its rest before manoeuvring himself next to her on the hospital bed. She tensed but only slightly before allowing him to draw her close and tuck her into his chest, her head resuming its position from the previous afternoon.
Beck felt something tugging at his heart strings as she accepted his comfort. She may not have initiated it, or even actively moved for it but the fact she was letting him hold her was, in his mind, a significant step.
In her mind, Jade's usual discomfort at his affection had been drowned out by the overwhelming feeling of acceptance as he drew her close. There was no judgement for the fact she couldn't handle a well-meaning gift, no resentment or frustration and no pushing her to do 'better'. It was something Jade didn't even realise she needed but she realised she felt understood, and she couldn't remember the last time she felt that.
Well I didn't think I would get it finished tonight, but here is it. I hope you enjoyed reading it, please feel free to leave comments letting me know your thoughts/if you liked it. It's quite a long one so I hope it flows okay.
It's a long road to recovery for Jade but she's slowly beginning to understand she isn't as alone as she has felt.
Thank you so much to everyone who had favourited/followed/reviewed, it really does make my day.