A New Way To Bleed
P O V: Amanda Rollins
October 15th, 2017
"When I look into your eyes, Olivia Margaret Benson. I'm reminded of how rocky this last year has been. For both of us, but what I see even clearer is this three things remaining Love, Hope. Faith. The greatest of these is Love. I see the Love you have for me, for our kids and our future burning so brightly. You give me Hope, Olivia; you are my hope."
"Olivia have been completely humble and gentle; being patient when I have my slips, Olivia, you and I both know how indecisive I can be at times. I simply don't like to make decisions. But if there is one decision in my life that I know is the right one, it's to spend the rest of my life with you. There is an infinite number of things I love about you; I love your thoughtfulness and your ability to keep me grounded. I love your loyalty to me and our relationship. I love how you weirdly get excited about Chipotle water, and I love how when you laugh hard, your one eye starts to crease up. I promise to be patient with you, even if it means that I have to listen to how you should have gone to Ireland for vacation last year as you wanted instead of Puerto Rico. Where we got stuck in a hurricane."
Standing at the alter, I feel so many emotions nerves not because I am uncertain about this choice to marry the woman I love. Simply because I hate talking in front of an audience about my feelings, our guest list isn't huge, our squad a few chosen friends, some of the staff from Second Harvest. A few of the victims' families have stayed in contact with Shay's mom over the years. My mom, who I've started to forgive and make amends.
"Amanda, my joy, my sun, my laughter in a chilled breeze. I love you. You are my best friend. Today I give myself to you in Marriage. I promise to encourage and inspire you, to laugh with you, and to comfort you in times of sorrow and struggle. I promise to love you in good times and in bad, when life seems easy and when it seems hard, when our love is simple, and when it is an effort. I promise to cherish you and always to hold you in the highest regard. These things I give to you today and all the days of our life."
"Amanda, as I invite you to share my life. I need you to know you are the most beautiful, smart, and generous person I have ever known, and I promise always to respect you. With kindness, unselfishness, and trust, I will work by your side to create a wonderful life together."
Glancing to my left, I smile wide, seeing Taylor and Noah looking so beautifully handsome in their tux's Noah is holding tight to the rings. He has grown so much in the last year; he's becoming his own man now. Taylor is so happy smiling wide gone are the wild black hair she has gone back to her chestnut roots, with blond highlights. Her piercings glitter as the light captures them, she's healthy and smiling this year she will start college majoring in psychology.
Holding Olivia's hands in my own, we stand so close I can smell her gorgeous scent cherries mixed with apples. Looking to the pastor, I feel a rush of Love and gratitude that I have come so far in life; I can openly allow myself to receive her Love. To know I deserve it.
"Dear Father, we humbly invite your presence and your blessings to be upon these two as they enter into the ceremony that will unite them in the bonds of holy matrimony. Impress upon them the solemness and the impact of their actions today that will impact their lives for eternity. AMEN."
"MarriageMarriage is the oldest and most sacred of all the social institutions among men. It is ordained of the all-wise Creator in the Garden of Eden. Its sanctity has been made known to all the human race, on the pages of the holy word. Rightly regarded, MarriageMarriage is the highest and happiest of human relationships, the preserver of true Love, the foundation of the home, and the bulwark of society. In Marriage, there is twice as much joy and happiness with each of you adding. On the other hand, problems are half as big because you have to hear only half the burden. The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return."
Olivia, do you take Amanda to be your wife and do you promise before God and these witnesses that you will be a true and devoted wife."
"True to her in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, prosperity and adversity; and forsaking all others." "You will keep yourself to her, and to her only, in all Love and honor, in all duty and service, in all faith and tenderness, to live with her and cherish her according to the ordinance of God, until you are parted by death?"
"I will, I do forever and for always."
Amanda, do you take Olivia to be your wife and do you promise before God and these witnesses that you will be a true and devoted wife." "True to her in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, prosperity and adversity; and forsaking all others, you will keep yourself to her, and to her only."
"All Love and honor, in all duty and service, in all faith and tenderness, to live with her and cherish her according to God's ordinance, until you are parted by death?"
"For My entire Life that God grants me, I shall, I do, and I always will."
"Taylor, would you like to say something?"
"Yes, Pastor, I would thank you."
Amanda, Olivia, you have taught me that being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage. You have taught me to test and break the defines of what straight is? What is it anyway? A line can be straight, or a street, but the human heart, oh, no, it's curved like a road through mountains. You helped me see the world as you do cause I know a life with Love is a life that's been lived. I am not perfect; none of us are. I am a mess some days, but you have shown me that a beautiful disaster can be the perfect storm the world has ever seen. I would like to read a poem now by Filoi Hemopo called I love my Family so much.
To be apart of a family like mine
is so divine
where Love is shown
hurt is shared
our love for each other is never impaired
we talk
we laugh
we cry
but we are a family
and we do it all together
for as a family we do it all as one
for we are Family
a family full of strength
a family full of Love
a family no one can touch
that's why I love my family so much
my Family is my life and always will be forever
"Family isn't always blood; Family can be chosen by God, by people, by fate. You've shown me more about Love and acceptance in a year than my biological parents ever showed me in sixteen years on earth. Thank you, I love you both so much. I love the brothers you've given me. I will do my best to honor you and make you both proud. Now with these rings, I give thee to Pastor Llano to bless."
Pastor Llano sprinkles holy water on them as he says a prayer before giving it to me to slip onto Olivia's perfect finger, which is smooth.
"I, Amanda, take you, Olivia, for my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I give you this ring
as a reminder, I will love, honor, and cherish you, in all places, And all ways, forever."
"I, Olivia, take you, Amanda, for my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. With this ring, I marry you and bind my life to yours. It is a symbol of my eternal Love, My everlasting friendship, And the promise of all my tomorrows."
Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom and the power, and the glory, forever and ever.
Amen.
O God, who by your mighty power
created all things out of nothing,
and, when you had set in place
the beginnings of the universe, circumstances have changed
O' Lord
now a woman has bound herself to woman
that they might be no longer two, but one flesh,
and taught that what you were pleased to make one
must never be divided;
O God, who consecrated the bond of MarriageMarriage by so great a mystery that in the wedding covenant you foreshadowed the Sacrament of Christ and his Church;
O God, by whom a woman is joined to a woman
and the companionship they had in the beginning
is endowed with the one blessing
not forfeited by original sin
nor washed away by the flood.
Look now with favor on these your servants, joined together in MarriageMarriage, who ask to be strengthened by your blessing. Send down on them the grace of the Holy Spirit and pour your Love into their hearts, that they may remain faithful in the Marriage covenant.
May the grace of Love and peace abide in your daughters Amanda, Olivia
and let her always follow the example of those holy women
whose praises are sung in the Scriptures.
May her wife entrust her heart to her,
so that, acknowledging her as her equal
and his joint heir to the life of grace,
She may show her due honor and cherish her always with the Love that Christ has for his Church.
And now, Lord, we implore you: may these your servants hold fast to the faith and keep your commandments; made one in the flesh, may they be blameless in all they do; and with the strength that comes from the Gospel, may they bear true witness to Christ before all; (may they be blessed with children, and prove themselves, virtuous parents, who live to see their children's children.)
And grant that, reaching at last together with the fullness of years for which they hope, they may come to the life of the blessed in the Kingdom of Heaven. Through Christ our Lord
Brides, you have heard the words about Love and MarriageMarriage, have exchanged your vows and made your promises, and celebrated your union with the giving and receiving of rings. It is at this time that I now pronounce you wives. You may now kiss.!"
Olivia's smile is so illuminated I feel the tears roll down my face as she leans me down, kissing me with a passion I have never known in my entire life. Laughter, tears, nerves, excitement, anxiety I have felt so many emotions today, but I didn't have one trigger. Olivia's hands have guided me through this day to this very moment. My Love for Olivia is so unique, so raw, so beautiful. I know I will never regret anything that God has tested me with because, in the end, he has lead me to her arms; he has blessed us in a union. There is no greater gift in life than Love and opening ourselves up to being loved. Taylor said the words best. Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
Taking her hands, we both turn to our guests who are all standing smiling, laughing, throwing rice at us "now for the tossing of the bouquets bitches line up." Olivia and I both turn, holding each other's hands, smiling wide at each other. God. She is perfection. "One, Two… We both throw our flowers over our shoulders, laughing as we hear the scurry of feet rushing to get the bouquets.
"Wonder who caught them?"