Foreword: Itazura AU. In which, Kotoko has as much self-respect as she does feelings for Naoki. In which, Naoki promptly learns to appreciate Kotoko for not being able to do the things he can do easily, yet is everything he could never be effortlessly. In which, their relationship ultimately arrives at the same fateful destination, only with a few detours that help them both find something(s) important along the way.
Disclaimer: I do not own Itazura na Kiss or any of its content. This was written for personal entertainment purposes only. Most plot points closely follow the Anime and Live Actions (Love in Tokyo S1 and S2 and a little bit from Miss in Kiss) Changes in characters and timeline of the plot are inspired by memorable quotes from the anime and from both seasons of the live actions. Also slightly influenced by StarryNights513's fanfiction "Enough" as well as kotokodainetohru's fic "Wabi-Sabi"(which unfortunately seems to be on hiatus; unfortunate, because it's really well-written)
A/N: Italicized for a character's thought process. Bolded for emphasis. Both for stronger emphasis.
Passages with * mark means there are words or phrases explained in the footnotes.
Her capping ceremony wasn't supposed to end like this. It wasn't supposed to turn into a capping ceremony for his blooming feelings for her; Feelings he is now forced to hide indefinitely, along with this congratulatory bouquet he bought her on the way back to campus in a mad dash from the station.
He had to get out of there fast (and unnoticed, like how he arrived), for he could no longer stand the painfully searing sight before him: Aihara Kotoko (whom he was finally going to openly admit he liked, maybe even loved) willingly (on her part) in the arms of the guy he least expected she would have an ounce of romantic interest in.
He headed to the only space he knew - the rooftop of Tonan University Hospital - where he would have the privacy to think through, when he went wrong (and the rare times he did right) in his path to claim what should have been Irie Naoki's rather than Ikezawa Kinnouske's place -as more than a platonic friend- beside Kotoko in this new stage in her life.
His analysis will have to begin from the middle of the semester.
~ . ~
Blunder number one: Ignoring his mother's warnings (even though it was never a problem before)
After his (unintended) refusal to be her unofficial practical lab partner, Kotoko never actively reached out to him out for help, only sometimes voicing out her study troubles over dinner with the rest of the family present (ones he tried his best to answer, without looking too excited at his chance to impress).
While he was thankful for her consideration (since taking two semester's worth of unit credits all in one is a tough feat, even for a genius of IQ 200) Naoki was more disturbed by her following choice of "help" (his mother being the one to point this fact out to him one evening made it all the more unsettling).
"Onii-chan! How could you let this golden opportunity to court Kotoko-chan fall into the hands of your biggest rival since high school?"
"What opportunity and what rival do you speak of Ofukuro?"
"You turned her down when she proposed to spend time with you one on one! Who knows how handsy that chef boy will get with Kotoko-chan when she practices nurse duties on him! You should have agreed to be her partner! I cannot believe you will let Kotoko-chan fall victim to that boy's schemes."
"She asked all her high school friends for help. Not just Ikezawa. Besides, there is no chance for them to get 'handsy' especially when they will be too busy running for their life once they see her wield an injection needle."
He grins at the imagery, earning him a smack from his displeased mother.
"It is all your fault Kotoko-chan has been spending all her time at Aihara's and not at home! I hardly get to see my dear daughter anymore. You better do something to bring her home, before you regret it, son."
"Just go to the restaurant, if you miss her so much. If you will excuse me, I have six midterms to study for."
He caught Noriko's pouting string of woes as he made his way back to his room, not letting on that his mother's accusations actually got under his skin. She has been going to the restaurant an awful lot, ever since Otou-san's hospitalization even. But he did not have time to let these things bother him, for school should be his main focus, as it always was, since he decided to be a pediatric surgeon. Yet his choice of priorities could not stop his mind from going green during a fall-out with Kotoko the night his mother decided to take his and Kotoko's (non-existent-ish) relationship into her own hands.
~ . ~
Leading to major mishap number two: Letting envy take the reins on his brain function. (He really couldn't help it, even if he tried.)
"What brings you all to Aihara's, near closing time at that?"
The girl dressed in a waitress's yukata, holding a serving tray greeted the Irie-family upon their entrance into the restaurant with pleasant surprise.
"Kotoko-chan, I missed you! And I need a break from cooking so we decided to come here for dinner tonight. Sorry we are on the late side, Papa was caught up at the company."
"Oba-san, I come home every night though… Anyway, a table for four, right this way."
Kotoko replied with a confused, turned polite (hostess-style) smile as she led them to Aihara's private booth, setting down their menus.
"It's different! You hardly have dinner with us anymore, and I rarely get to hear about your day since you come home so late."
"I've missed you and your cooking too Oba-san, but I have been busy with school. With it being peak restaurant season and Otou-san away in New York as a guest vendor for the True World Foods EXPO, I wanted help out at Aihara's, while I still can. I won't be able to do my part here anymore once my hospital internship starts next semester. You'll understand my reasons for being an awful daughter, right?"
"Kotoko, can you bring this takeout box to Taguchi-san's table?"
Her ears perked at the voice of the young chef-apprentice and she quickly excused herself from their table. Naoki felt a small pricking in the back of his mind at the two's natural interaction.
"See, being an Okami-san suits you more than nursing baka-Kotoko-nee. Right onii-chan?"
His brother teased as she brought them their desserts, explaining each dish briefly, her eyes twinkling proudly (much to his and his mother's dismay) at the mention of "Kin-chan's" creation. Absolutely not! He wanted to but refrained from saying. Instead, he settled for changing the subject altogether.
"How do you have time to study for your own classes when you are occupying yourself with serving at Aihara's?"
"The same way you juggled studying for pre-med while running Pandai. Besides, Kin-chan helps me study after hours."
She quipped with an edge in her voice that is unrelenting to his.
"How is that going for you? It's not like he can offer you academic advice."
He ignores his mother's eager glint (at her success of getting a raise out of her cold son), followed by his brother and father's panicked excuse to go home, taking the elder woman with them (not wanting to get needlessly caught in this fight between the elder Irie-son and the young girl) as his spat with Kotoko gets heated.
"I don't need Kin-chan to provide 'academic advice'. That is what our professors and classmates are for. The fact that he offered to let me practice on him is more than enough. Why does any of this concern you anyway, Irie-san? I asked you to be my practice partner before, you refused. What else could I have done? I know better than anyone how crucial this semester is for you. I shouldn't add to your burden. The least I can do is excel on my own."
"Asking Ikezawa for help is your idea of 'excelling on your own'? Good luck with that."
She gripped the empty serving tray tight and rose from her place beside the table to leave but paused mid-turn, setting back down in front of him with an enraged look in her eye, speaking with a never-before chilly tone.
"What do you have against Kin-chan anyway? Sure, he may not be book-smart like you, but he works hard for what he loves and has respectable goals in life. Not to mention, he is a supportive friend, something you should seriously learn from, EQ-less brainiac."
"Ultimately wanting to marry you is a respectable goal and sign of a supportive 'friend'? What a strange set of standards you have."
He scoffed (shocked at his own twisted words once they were actually out in the open) highlighting Ikezawa Kinnoske's greatest dream (one the lad has been very vocal about since their high school years). He braced himself for Aihara's furious or even tear-filled comeback seeing her bow her head, knuckles turning white, wrinkling her own yukata with her grip. But a hand settled over her shoulder causing her to look up and around, brief relief crossing her features (a detail that made Irie's insides churn). She used to look at me like that.
"What's wrong with wanting the best girl in the universe as a bride? I'd say living for love is a worthy and natural goal, is it not Genius-kun?"
"I'm impressed, alright. A man could base his entire life course on a woman. I could never bring myself to do that."
"You finally admit your defeat against my feelings for Kotoko?"
"I am against this outcome! Onii-chan, you cannot lose!"
Noriko protested through the sliding door, as her husband and youngest son ushered the women out of the restaurant, again, against her will.
"I believe her say in the matter counts the most, isn't that right Kotoko-san?"
Naoki began directing his statement at the girl in question after his family left the premises for good.
"Putting the matter of marriage aside, I agree with Kin-chan. No one is above the notion of living for what one loves. Not even you, Irie-san."
Before Irie could respond, his "rival" was forcibly removed from the conversation by his co-worker for closing duties, in a rather elated state upon (selectively) hearing Kotoko's "I agree with Kin-chan".
"Oh? How so, enlighten me."
He prodded in a sarcastic tone against his own good conscience. What is wrong with me? There is truth to her words, isn't there?
"Why did you and I choose to enter the medical profession? Why did Kin-chan choose to be a chef? Why did Oji-san start Pandai? Why did Oba-san give up her career to be a full-time housewife? Is it not because of love? Does it really matter where that love is ultimately directed, be it the profession itself or a single person? Who are we to judge someone else's motivations, as long as it is not imposing or harmful to others?"
She replied, each rhetorical question stabbing his wounded ego (for he very-well knew she was right), but his jealousy (which he still couldn't yet label, in that moment) had him stupidly focused on the most nonsensical point of many in her argument.
"So you are saying his 'love' for you is not imposing?"
"The answer to that is a matter strictly between me and Kin-chan. I need to help with closing, go home, Irie-kun."
She drew a harsh line he could not cross, ending their argument with a defeated look (as if she was giving up on him), even though he was the defeated one in their verbal fight.
After a couple night's restless sleep following his grave mistake at Aihara's, Naoki knew he needed to remedy the situation if he wanted to be in Kotoko's good graces again. He could bring himself to apologize to her, but "sorry, I was out of line" did not seem enough once he recalled the hurt on her normally kind features that night. She deserves better. I can be better. How?
His maze-like thoughts were interrupted by a voice of one who would normally not strike a private conversation with him, especially not one concerning interpersonal relationships - such as the tangled mess between him and the infamous nursing student, Aihara Kotoko.
"Yo, even our department's top student has things he can't figure out?"
"Your point being?"
"Look, I am never one to pry, especially since I promised not to tell a soul about the lengths you would go for Kotoko's undivided attention, but you probably need to go farther than you know, that, this time."
"Cut to the chase, Kamogari. I do not have time for your riddles."
"I heard about your dramatic spat with Kotoko. That girl is very loose lipped when she's had a few drinks. Before you rage, the whole gang was there, and she stayed over at Tomoko's after, so she was well taken care of. Anyway, it sounds like you have a bad case of what we common folk call 'Jealousy'."
"Jealous, me? That is ridiculous."
"Yup. I am a former jelly veteran (of one year) no thanks to you. You get super irritated and irrational at the sight of them together, or at her mention of him, right? That is plain ol jealousy, my comrade. Looks like you've got it all figured out now, so you're welcome, Irie."
~ . ~
His brief talk with the long haired help resulted in Naoki's redeeming act number one: Acknowledgements and Apologies in the most public place possible (school canteen at prime lunch hour).
Embarrassment level of this event arguably could rival and even exceed that of Kotoko's public confession at Tonan High's school gates four years ago, according to the pride abandoning genius himself and the mutual witnesses present (meaning everyone who saw or knew of both instances).
"Ah my head, it's ringing like the bell at a new year's shrine… Moto-chan why didn't you stop me last night?"
"I told you girls with hangovers are unsightly, didn't I? You brought this upon yourself."
"You would have been mad too if you were in my place that night! That Irie-
"So we've heard. You kept repeating yourself like a broken record last night in your drunken fervor, down to the very last detail. Spare us of the deja vu, Kotoko."
"Sorry Marina. Was I that bad? I am never drinking like that again."
"Kotoko, although his words were very harsh and mostly unreasonable, Irie-san did make a good point. You should think about what this chef friend of yours means to you. It's not right if you continually string him along under the title of 'your best guy friend' knowing his intentions towards you."
"Eh? What do you mean Tomo-chan?"
Before any clarification could be made and heard the angel-faced girl's explanation was interrupted by the latter mentioned subject himself, with a loud (head-splitting to Kotoko) entrance.
"KOTOKO! I heard from Satomi and Jinko of your drunken adventure last night. How are you feeling?"
"Kin-chan. Not so loud please, my head hurts."
"I brought a hangover bento. Shishou left you in my care after all! I will make sure you feel better."
"Thanks Kin-chan. It looks great, but I don't have much of an appetite right now. I feel horrible."
"It's all Irie's fault. He brings out the worst in you. You should not hang around him anymore."
"Pretty impossible when we live in the same house, and go to the same campus. Although, I won't see him much anyway, if the rumors circulating around our department are true."
"Rumors? Did he finally realize my 'I-love-Kotoko' power is too great to overcome and decide to move on to a new girl?"
"Nothing of the sort. I got an offer for an early internship at Tonan University Hospital next week, so I will be there instead of in the medical department building for the rest of this semester."
"Irie! Look at what you did to poor Kotoko! You have quite the nerve showing up around her. What are you planning now huh?"
"I am planning to-
"Whatever it is, I will not let you!"
He shields the groaning girl.
"Kin-chan, I know you mean well but, please keep it down. This is the cafeteria, Irie-kun can be here if he wants just like the rest of us."
The girl breaths exhaustively, laying her head down on her bag, closing her eyes.
"Drink this. It works best against hangovers. I'm sorry, Kotoko."
He softly put a small brown bottle beside her, keeping his voice to a tiny decibel. She warily squints at the bottle and at him.
"A bit cheap for a token of apology, don't you think? Also, more than 'sorry, I rather hear answers. You didn't answer any of my questions then."
She said bitterly, but gulping down the drink anyway grimacing at the equally bitter taste. True to Irie's word the beverage worked wonders, for Kotoko was now clear headed and giving Naoki an unimpressed glare.
"What do you have against Kin-chan? Why do you keep interfering with my business when you were the one who told me to stay out of your way?"
"I was jealous. Jealous of him, because he knows exactly how to express himself clearly to you, all without an IQ of 200. Jealous because you don't read into his every move with suspicion of whether or not he has ulterior motives. Jealous because he is a better friend to you even when it's clear as day, he wants to be way more. I don't know how to do any of that, because I never had to, it didn't matter to me. Until I met you. I experienced all the ugly emotions I thought I was above and had no proper way to express them. So I tried to steer clear of you. When that didn't work, I ridiculed you, since you were the very embodiment of all these new feelings. Denying and diminishing them I thought would make them go away, but it hurt me as much as I hurt you. So I tried to make it up to you by helping you with your studies, but I was at a loss when you didn't need or want my help anymore. I am really sorry, Kotoko."
She blinked wordlessly at his honest speech for a moment, while the rest of the people in the hall whispered to each other, quickly spreading word of Tonan-U's genius' daring confession via social media. Soon the cafeteria was packed with spectators. Kotoko, out of embarrassment, pulled Irie to a more secluded place (against Kin-chan's protests, held back by her nursing friends, mainly Keita) before giving him a response.
"I accept your apology. I've also said some mean things in the heat of the moment. For that, I am sorry too. Irie-kun, you can express yourself to others well. You just did. You have to stop hiding behind your big brain and see people as valuable beings even if they have something different to offer. I only 'read' your 'moves' because you never say what is on your mind or how you feel. It makes me uneasy, not suspicious. Your way of being a good friend will not be the same as Kin-chan's and there is nothing wrong with that. There isn't a formulaic way to be a good friend, the whole concept of good or bad friendship is very subjective to the specific people involved. You were sometimes, and can still be a good friend to me, especially now that you know how not to act. Also, what gave you the idea I don't need your help anymore? I literally asked you to be my practice partner, you were the one who said no."
"Like I already said. I was joking then."
"Humor is another lesson to add to your list of things to learn in the many lessons of true friendship. "
"I'm a fast learner."
"On matters of humanity, I am not certain of that claim."
"Have a little faith in me, girl space friend."
"I did have faith, boy space friend, look where it got us?"
"I've learned something new about you today, Aihara."
"What?"
"You hold a mean grudge."
"Tip of the iceberg, Irie."
"Ikezawa's illusion 'sweet sweet Kotoko' would be shattered by your statement. I would hate to let him down, but I should be honest and expressive right?"
"Seriously? Is it so hard for you to respect my friend? Don't tell me you were only joking. It's really not funny."
"You honestly believe he only sees you as a friend? Friends don't flex their 'I-love-Kotoko' powers."
"Like you're the expert on friendship, you jelly bean!"
She then stalks away angrily to her practitioner's lecture.
On the second thought, that whole debacle might have been his subtle screw-up number three.
~ . ~
Perhaps his real redeeming event number one was the night following his tactless joke. (In which he took Keita's advice to exceed 'lengths he would go' for Kotoko.)
His younger brother gawked at him in sheer horror as he emerged from the bathroom and entered his own bedroom.
"Onii-chan, what on earth are you wearing? Please do not tell me it's another one of Okaa-san's crazy ideas. I want no part in it."
"It's a kidney costume I borrowed from the university hospital. Don't ask." *
"Kidney? I thought it was a jelly bean."
Yuuki muttered, still in shock that his strait-laced brother would dress up, as Naoki left the room again. Maybe it's for one of his classes. The younger gave the older the benefit of doubt.
So it does look like a jelly bean, if Yuuki was fooled, she would undoubtedly think so too. Naoki internally grinned at his successful test run. He knocked on the door with a mug of tea, preparing himself for the real test.
"Come in."
Kotoko didn't look up from her notes as he set down the mug, but instinctively reached for the drink, taking a sip.
"You really don't need my help anymore, after all."
"I borrowed Tomo-chan's notes. They are very clear."
She said curtly, obviously still mad from their argument that afternoon. Taking another sip of tea.
"Kotoko."
"Irie-kun, don't you have your own exams to stud-
She finally looked up towards him mid-question, and sputtered at his unexpectedly idiotic getup.
"You were right. I am a EQ-less jelly bean. Help me become human."
The comedic gap resulting from his stoic voice and poker face plus hideous costume combo had the unsuspecting girl rolling on the floor laughing (just as he had hoped). When she had finally recovered her breath she asked a simple question (by her light tone he knew she understood his truly apologetic intentions).
"How'd Yuuki react to 'jelly bean Irie'?"
"Exactly like how he reacted to 'Irie-kun-chan' and 'nurse Kotoko'."
She giggled at Naoki's accurate answer, probably copy and pasting the kid's unbelieving expression of her memories at the aforementioned references (he inferred from her snickering smile).
"As much as I want this version of 'jelly bean Irie' to stick around, we really need to get back to studying."
He reached the doorway when her sudden realization stopped him (one he hoped she would not come to).
"Wait! I need to take a picture as proof, no one will believe me when I tell them about this."
"Don't push your luck, Aihara."
"You owe me this much, Irie."
"One picture. And no sharing on social media."
"Petty. But I'll take it. No promises on the latter if you cross me again though…"
She teasingly waved her phone with newly captured leverage on the screen (by her smug grin he knew she had completely forgiven him). He took her half-jesting hint to heart (knowing fully what she was capable of when angered, recalling their high school graduation party) and let her resume her midterm exam cram session.
~ . ~
Image saving move number two: His ingenious idea to cure her aversion to giving injections personally.
"Irie-kun! I passed! I can join everyone at the capping ceremony! I can intern at the hospital next semester!"
She ran up to him excitedly upon his return from the hospital without giving him a chance to even say "Tadaima".*
"I can't believe it, those poor future victims at the hospital in a couple weeks. My condolences to them."
Yuuki remarked sarcastically, also returning from school.
"You've never even experienced being a patient under my care, so your words hold no real credibility, brat!"
She argued back.
"You don't have experience with a live patient, since you barely passed 'blood' drawing on a plastic arm. So your comeback has no credibility either, baka-Kotoko-nee!"
"I do too! Ask Irie-kun!"
"What does Onii-chan have to do with the legitimacy of your nursing skills?"
She held up Naoki's arm and pointed to the small round bandage.
"So you gave him a band-aid, even a kindergartner can do that."
"I drew his blood!"
"Yeah right-
He stopped at the older Irie's betraying nod and fled up to their room mumbling (something only his older brother could make out)
"Not fair, siding with her, again. And they are not even married yet."
Naoki chuckled at his little brother's adorable sulking, making Kotoko slightly confused.
"What's so funny?"
"Nothing. Congrats Kotoko."
"Thanks."
~ . ~
What would have been deal-sealing gesture number three: Presenting her fresh flowers at the end of her capping ceremony and making a 'Irie Naoki-esuqe' confession. (A scenario that will forever remain his own wishful thinking to this day)
"Eek, who-who's there? You are not a ghost right?"
"As if, silly."
"I-Irie-kun?"
"What are you still doing in an empty auditorium?"
"Thinking about some things, but shouldn't you be in Nagoya, at the medical conference?"
"I took the bullet train back."
"For me?"
"I didn't exactly make it in time though. At least the florist was still open."
"They are beautiful. Wait. You do know what the stigma is when a pre-medical student gives flowers to a nursing student after the ceremony, right?"
"Lifelong partnership on a professional level."
"Eh? Marina said it meant lifelong partnership in the romantic sense!"
Chuckling at her disappointment, he picks up the nurse cap (which fell on the floor when she was startled at his entrance earlier) brushing it off, and re-secures it atop of her head. Making his following request in a close whisper.
"Will you recite your part of the oath?"
"With loyalty will I endeavor to aid the physician in his work, and devote myself to the welfare of those committed to my care." *
"They gave you a really fitting part. Can I hear it again?"
With a teary smile and a quiet voice she relented to his strangely endearing request.
"With loyalty will I endeavor to aid the physician in his work, and devote myself to the welfare of those committed to my care."
"Kotoko, will you remember today for a long time?"
"Of course, it's an important checkpoint of my hard work to become a good nurse!"
"Can I give you another reason to remember today?"
"What do you mean?"
"As a checkpoint of my hard work to remove the space between 'boy' and 'friend'."
"Huh?"
"What's the stigma of receiving a bouquet from a pre-med student as a nursing student?"
"Lifelong partnership on a professional level."
"The Marina version."
"Lifelong partnership in the romantic sense. Wait Irie-kun? You are not proposing to me again are you?"
"What do you mean 'again'?"
"When I tried to leave the house that one time."
"That wasn't a proposal. I simply said I didn't hate you then. This isn't a proposal either, but it's a step closer to one than the last."
"One step from not hating… you like me?"
"I like you, Kotoko. Will you be my girl, no-space, friend?"
"I'm a step from hating you too, Irie-kun. That sounded better in my head. Boy, no-space, friend. That sounds better aloud."
She said with a gleeful simile, returning his hug, by snuggling closer.
~ . ~
Instead he picked up the pieces of his un-professed heart on his way down the building, and made martyred mistake number four: Congratulating Aihara Kotoko for making it through the ceremony, and for becoming 'Ikezawa's girl' as her best boy - huge space - friend. Because she deserves better, and perhaps, it was about time he admits: "Better" in her eyes, wasn't going to be him.
Footnotes*
Tadaima( ただいま) - saying for "I'm home".
Kidney/ Jelly bean costume - for a visual, look up "kidney mascot costume" I am referring to the one on shopmascot site.
Part of the Oath Kotoko recited - I used the Nightingale Pledge, 1893 version.
Clarity of the timeline for this chapter:
It happens mid to end of the first semester of their senior in Uni.
It begins with the "end scene" and flashbacks to before the events of the last chapter (but after events of ch 20), all told through Naoki's thought last-ish (each separated by ~ . ~) last flashback scene in italics is not "canon"; it is only in Naoki's thoughts.
The very last tidbit is back in present time immediately following the "opening scene".
For those who are still with me: This was probably my longest chapter… I had a real rough time with this one (maybe you can all tell?) Hopefully it was not too dry, confusing, nor torturous... since I built up Irie's more well-natured character, but broke it down again, and kinda tried to redeem it… jerk jelly bean Naoki won't make too much of an appearance in chapters to come, I promise. Something to look forward to in the next ch: Full coverage of the capping ceremony in Kotoko's POV.
Its late, but I got excited and wanted to publish this chap as soon as I could (I'll come back and fix any uncaught grammatical errors after a night's rest.)
Thanks for reading this blurb.
~KookieKuma