Help Wanted

by Shin Sankai

Answering an ad in the paper, desperately in need of money to pay the rent and also several other debts, Alexander Lightwood never would of thought he'd be sitting in front of the most beautiful man he'd ever seen in his life and being advised just what the job entails which is far from the private tutoring he thought he was applying for. AU-none Shadowhunter-verse (MALEC)

23. Chapter 23

Help Wanted

By Shin Sankai

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Author's Note: This chapter came pretty easy, I'm seriously impressed with myself of how quickly this chapter developed! Or should I be alarmed with how quickly I can write up my angst? Maybe I'm just filled with it!

Have faith though readers, whilst this is angst-drama, it is intended for both boys to do some soul searching. It is not something that carries on for months or anything, so don't panic. I also hope you don't hate Magnus in this either, or maybe only do so for a little bit, because our boy is just broken. I want to personally cuddle him, but that's just me.

WARNING, WARNING, WARNING: I cannot express the severe warning of ABUSE mentioned in here. I am talking PHYSICAL and SEXUAL ABUSE to a CHILD. There is also talk of selling oneself (prostitution and escort services) and also thoughts of wanting to die, so PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE read this chapter with extra, extra caution. You've been warned!

Also, side note, this chapter and the next two are heavily induced with Ruelle, so you'll have to forgive me, but I really thought her songs started fitting in these chapters so I couldn't help but have song lyrics in here now. You can skip over them if you don't like it, but I was really feeling it so I had to place them in. In this chapter it is 'Bad Dream' (Alec) and 'Closing In' (Magnus). I had them playing a lot whilst writing this so feel free to do the same! They are all over YouTube! :D

Also, don't rake me over the coals too much for this. Just stick with me through the pain. We will get to that Malec forever sugary sweet ending, I promise!

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Chapter 23: Bad Dream

(After midnight – New Years Day – Biscuit and Bane)

With only a few stragglers left at the gallery, it was around 1am by the time Izzy and Max were about to head off. They'd come over to farewell Alec, but before they could even say their goodbyes, Jace had pulled him aside, asking if he wanted to come stay with them, to give he and Magnus some breathing space and to cool down a bit.

'What's going on?' Izzy had asked, since her and Max were also standing close by having heard Jace's question.

'Nothing.'

'Alec and Magnus had a fight.' Alec glared at his brother.

'You always say to be truthful.' Jace offered up. 'Communication Alec, communication.' The blonde continued and whilst Alec agreed, now was hardly the time. Although he had been thinking about whether he should leave with his siblings, tail between his legs. Alec shook his head since he didn't want this to fester. He needed to clear the air.

'I'm going home with Magnus tonight.'

'Are you alright?' Izzy placed her hand on his forearm.

'We're fine.' Alec offered up. Hoping he was convincing. 'I've got some cleaning up to do here and then I'll head home with him and we'll talk about it. Maybe not now, but tomorrow for sure. Its been a really long day.'

'Alec...'

'Its fine Iz. Really.'

'You know where we are if you need us alright?'

'I thought you were going clubbing?'

'Clary is exhausted and so we promised to go another time, definitely before I leave.' Alec gave a nod. 'Max and I are going home first, Jace will follow once he's finished up here.' She moved forward and gave her big brother a hug. 'Happy New Year Alec.'

'Same to you Iz.' He pulled out of her hug to embrace the baby of the family. 'You too Max.' He waved them goodbye, they sweetly heading over to thank Magnus and Clary for a wonderful evening, not that Alec was paying attention to it as he trudged back up the stairs to assist Maia in cleaning up.

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It was about 3am by the time Alec and Magnus got back to the Brownstone. He and Magnus had actually ridden in the same taxi, though they couldn't have been further apart in the back seat if Magnus tried, one leg crossed over the other, elbow on the window and he was pretty much pressed up against the door. The gap between them felt like Niagara Falls, where Alec was on the US side and Magnus was on the Canadian. Or vice versa. Either way, whilst it didn't look that far away, for Alec it felt massive and almost impossible to cross.

When they stepped into the apartment, Alec knew how 'off' Magnus was. Truthfully he couldn't blame him and he wasn't sure how to progress from here. Alec was so very tired, exhausted to the point he could very well collapse. Not only from the whole Camille situation but just the lead up to this day. New Years was finally here, Magnus' hectic life was now supposed to simmer down a little, get back to some regularity with him and the kids and yet... Camille had thrown a spanner into their lives.

Alec softly closed the door behind him as he pulled off his boots and hung up his jacket. Magnus hadn't done either and was heading straight for his bar cart.

"Lets' have a drink." It was the first thing he'd said to him since he turned tail and ran from seeing him and Camille in the alley.

"You've had enough to drink this evening." The words were out before Alec could control them.

"Excuse me?" Alec felt his chest tighten as Magnus shifted his hardened gaze to him.

"No more Magnus." Alec cautiously walked over.

"You do not get to tell me when I can and can't drink!"

"I know that, but you shouldn't drink anymore." Alec was helpless when Magnus smacked the bottle of scotch down, some of the contents spilling out the top.

"Fine. If I can't drink, I may as well go to bed."

"Magnus..."

"Alone!" Alec bit his lip. "I need time to think." The man mumbled as Alec watched Magnus leave, disappearing down the hallway and into the confines of his bedroom, the door clicking closed. Like another symbol that Magnus was closing off to him.

Alec let out a shudder. As much as he wanted to get angry at Magnus' behaviour, he almost believed he would react the same way. Maybe even worse. If he had seen his boyfriend kissing someone else, someone that was an ex to them, he'd be furious too. He wouldn't know what to think if he saw Magnus kissing someone else. Trying to even conjure an image in his head made his heart hurt. Actually Alec very much hated the very thought of thinking about any of Magnus' past lovers and shook his head as he took a large gulp of the scotch, it burning the back of his throat and making his eyes water. It was his first alcoholic beverage for the evening since he was working and stuck to lemonade for the night. He almost felt like a hypocrite for telling Magnus not to drink and there he was sculling the contents like it was water!

He took himself to the couch, knowing he wasn't going to get to sleep in Magnus' bed with him this evening. The whole tease Magnus had bestowed in him about removing his clothing, slowly and pleasurably, to have his way with him on the very lounge he now sat on, was crushed. Alec took another swig of the bottle.

Life couldn't get worse then this.

Letting out a sigh of defeat, Alec would leave Magnus be, allow him his space to think, just like he needed time to think as well. What was he going to say to Magnus come morning about Camille and the successful game she had been playing?

Alec curled on the couch, almost into a ball and just looked off into space, hugging the bottle of scotch. He prayed he could fix this.

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At the clinking of a glass hitting the top of the coffee table, Alec felt his eyes crack half open as daylight was streaming in through the floor to ceiling windows. Alec predicted it was probably around midday, though couldn't be sure as his line of sight took in a glass of water fizzing away and a hand retracting from it.

His blue eyes snapped up to see Magnus wrapped up in a bottle green silk robe and matching bottoms as he had wordlessly provided him a glass of water with dissolvable aspirin for his raging headache which of course was self inflicted thanks to the ¼ empty bottle of scotch lying on the floor.

Alec slowly got up, his stomach churning a little, but he took some deep breaths, picked up the glass and drank the contents down. When he placed the glass down, he finally raised his blue eyes to look up at Magnus. He seemed fresh from a shower, completely make-up free and hair thrown back into a haphazard ponytail, but there were dark circles under his eyes. Alec knew the man hadn't slept well at all. His heart ached when he noticed none of the glow, happiness, glitter or shine from last night was present.

When Magnus turned away from him, Alec's heart lurched.

"I'm sorry." Alec watched Magnus freeze, turning back to look at him quietly. "I should have told you about what was going on. I thought I could make her go away and you wouldn't have to ever know about it." Alec watched Magnus frown at that. "I just wanted to protect you. I know I should have been honest with you. I should have communicated better with you, but I didn't. I'm sorry." Alec dropped his gaze, letting out a sigh of defeat. "I fell right into her trap."

"You did." His blue orbs jerked up at that, those two words cut deep. "She did what she came to do then." Alec felt his heart thunder away. "She's driven a wedge between us."

"Magnus..."

"I honestly didn't think she was capable of this." Alec bit his lip, observing Magnus shake his head. "Who am I kidding, I should have known she was capable of something like this. I should of known I'd never get to be happy." Alec didn't like the sound of that. "I should of never thought I was able to just wash my hands of her just because I hadn't seen her face in years. I should have known something like this could have been possible."

"Magnus..."

"The way I spoke to you last night, it was wrong." Alec gave a nod. "I shouldn't have run away and left you there with her either." Brown-golden orbs looked over at him. "I guess I just wasn't prepared at seeing her again so suddenly after finally leaving her and then there she was, with you, and everything came crashing down and I just...I just ran."

"The look on your face... Of how angry you were at me..."

"That wasn't meant to be directed at you Alexander."

"It wasn't?"

"The anger you saw. It was meant to be for myself."

"Why?"

"I should know what she is like. I spent a lot of time with her. I should have known she would try and do something like this. She hates anyone walking away from her. Camille hates not getting what she wants."

"She wants you Magnus." Brown-golden eyes looked up and over at him. "That is her goal and even I can tell its not for anything good." Alec listened to Magnus sigh as he shifted his gaze to looked out into the afternoon gloomy sky. Snow was falling.

"How do you have a clean break from someone that broke you?" Alec wasn't sure if he was meant to have heard that, but its not like he could answer either. Magnus was his first everything. He had no experience in relationships. Or more importantly, no experience with a psychotic ex-girlfriend. Alec took a deep breath, needing to get one of his worries out of the way quick smart.

"Magnus, are you mad about the kiss?"

"Kiss?" Magnus tilted his head slightly, thinking back to last night. "Oh, that!" Alec was a little incredulous about Magnus having even forgotten it! "Alexander, news flash, you're gay."

"I know that."

"I honestly thought it was just a drunk woman making a pass at you and you were trying to let her down and she just...latched on."

"So, we're ok?"

"We're ok." Alec gave a crooked smile, unsure if that were true. In his heart of hearts he hoped they were, but when they feel silent, Magnus still standing stiffly as he was and for the fact he hadn't come to sit with him, take hold of his hand, caress his cheek or even kiss him, Alec knew they weren't fine at all. Damage had been done. The communication Magnus always talked about being key in a relationship, they hadn't done that. Cracks were forming thanks to Camille.

"Why do I feel like we're actually not ok?" Alec softly voiced, gulping down the lump in his throat as he brushed his suddenly sweaty palms over his thighs.

"I'm sure Camille kissing you was horrifying for you, but we've got bigger issues here Alexander."

"Like what?"

"How do you even know who she is?"

"Oh..." Alec's internal scathing voice pretty much went 'Duh Alec'.

"How does she even know you?" Magnus asked another question. His head was full of them right now. Alec took in a deep breath. It was now or never.

"She's been following me."

"What?!" The surprise was clear in Magnus' voice. "How long has this been going on?" Alec gulped down the lump in his throat, heart thudding heavily in his chest cavity.

"I'm not really sure. When you were in the UK, your father..."

"My father knows about this?" Alec watched Magnus take a seat, eyebrows furrowed. Alec wanted to reach out and touch him, but he dare not. The man looked like a tense live wire ready to explode as it was. Alec knew he needed to be cautious.

"He was the one to suspect I was being watched. He didn't have to tell me, but he did. He was trying to warn me. Trying to tell me that Camille was...is...someone to be cautious of. To not give her an opening and yet..."

"What else did he tell you?" Magnus' voice seemed to go dark. He was giving nothing away right now, other then how serious he was being, and Alec found that a little frightening.

"Not much. He spoke of her a little bit, about her family and how you never saw how conniving she was, how she wasn't in love with you like you had hoped, like how in love with her you were." Alec felt his stomach churn. "He said she broke you, but other then that I didn't want to know more. Not like that."

"So, after he told you she was practically stalking you, what did you think was going to happen from then on? That she was just magically going to go away?"

"I hoped she would." Alec softly voiced. "She wasn't going to scare me away with her tactics. I thought I could handle it. I was wrong. I should have talked to you about it. Raphael was trying to convince me to tell you."

"How long as he known about this?" Alec's heart sped up. He did not want to be the cause for placing any tension between the brothers.

"He only found out last night. Your father wanted an extra pair of eyes to keep an eye out for her. When Raphael came to confront me about it, he wanted me to tell you there and then." Alec chewed on his bottom lip. "I couldn't do it." Alec dropped his eyes to his lap. "I didn't want to ruin the evening for you and Clary. You two worked so hard for it."

"Alec..."

"That doesn't excuse the fact I should have told you earlier though." Alec took in a deep breath. "I was a coward. I didn't really know where to begin in telling you. I felt like I was already in too deep. I mean I tried, I honestly did, but it never came out. The timing was never right. I just... I screwed up." Alec gulped down the lump in his throat again. "At first I thought I was being silly, feeling like their was eyes on me, but then your father confirmed it all. He gave me a picture of her and told me to watch out. I honestly played it off, not thinking it was serious until she showed her face. There was a piece of me that knew it would happen, but I never thought she would confront me when I was with the kids."

"What?" Alec jerked his gaze up. Magnus was incredibly tense, eyes blazing over at him, and not the way Alec liked. "Did she..."

"She never hurt them. I would never let her do that. She did scare Sweet Pea though. I think it triggered her memories of seeing Camille before, when she was younger and you and her were..." Alec died off. "I told her and the boys that if they ever saw her again, that they were to scream and I would come and protect them."

"So last night..." Alec nodded his head.

"She'd returned to the gallery. When you came upon your father and I talking, I had found her, we had some words, or more like she was egging me on, getting into my head and then your father came along. He came to protect me." Alec drifted his gaze up to Magnus to see his eyes a little wider at that. "He told her to leave, to never show her face to you or I again or else he would make due on his threat."

"His threat?"

"To make her life a living hell. She seemed pretty shaken by him. I know she tried to play it off, but your father really affected her. She was pretty caught off guard when she saw him at your gallery opening."

"I see..."

"Your father got George to make sure she did leave. I honestly thought that was the end of it. I was...am...so naïve." Alec was really cross with himself. "When you asked if everything was alright, when you came upon us, it was then your father realised that I hadn't shared anything of what was going on with you. I thought I could be a good boyfriend and just deal with it alone, but I was an idiot. I had no idea what she was like and now... Now this has happened."

"Alexander..."

"Its why Madzie screamed, because she saw Camille. I went to look for your father, but I couldn't find him. I saw her and I just... I saw red. I had to get her out of there."

"You fell into her trap."

"I did. I should have listened to your father. I shouldn't have given her any openings, but what she said..." Alec shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. "Your father doesn't think I'm the first that this has happened to."

"What do you mean?"

"He thinks there may have been others. Other partners of yours that Camille has tried to scare away and done so successfully too." Alec watched Magnus' gaze drop to his own clenched hands in his lap. "Do you think she's done this before?" Alec softly asked, trying to gauge Magnus' reaction in all of this.

"I haven't had a lot of long standing relationships that would be deemed worthy to break up so..." Alec watched Magnus die down. "I had some relationships which only lasted a week or two and they did just abruptly end things with me. Then there was Woolsey."

"Woolsey?"

"I was with Woolsey for about two months and then...he just...disappeared. Not that I truly thought we were really together, together, since we were a more of a physical relationship then a romantic one, but after the third day of no response to my calls, I just let it go and just washed my hands of another person and went out to a club and picked up a one night stand the following night. She seemed sweet and slightly drunk, like me, so the mood was perfect in that sense. I could forget about him. At least for one night."

"You cared for him." Alec softly voiced and tried not to frown at that considering he knew how 'loose' Magnus was in the past, Magnus saying it himself, but Alec was sure there was something in Magnus' voice about this Woolsey guy. Everything went quiet as Alec watched Magnus stare at something only he saw, but he observed the tell of his eyebrows furrowing, his lips turning down. In that moment it was like Magnus was possibly becoming convinced that perhaps Camille had something to with the sudden disappearance of his lover back then. "Do you think she hurt him in some way?"

"She could have very well done anything. She probably bedded him. Manipulating him to believe that she was the only person in the world for him. The only person that would ever understand him. The only person that would ever love him."

"Like you?" Brown-golden eyes snapped up to him, narrowing slightly and Alec chewed on his lip as he knew that was exactly what happened and also realised that wasn't the best thing to point out either.

"We're not talking about me." Alec's heart plummeted a little at that.

"Why?"

"That's my past and mine alone."

"That's not fair." Alec almost felt like his brain was telling him to stay calm, to give Magnus time, but his heart ached desperately to know this man he cared so deeply about. "You know all of me Magnus and I barely know who you are."

"What's wrong with that? Why can't you just be here, in the now, with me as I am?"

"Because this isn't all of you!" Alec snapped, watching Magnus' face harden as he rose to his feet and began walking away. "Stop running!" Magnus froze in his retreat at Alec's words. "What is so bad about me knowing? What do you think is going to happen if I do know the truth?" Alec's eyebrows furrowed when he got no response. "Do you think... Do you think I'm going to run away from you?" The apartment was deadly silent until...

"Maybe..."

"Magnus..."

"Enough Alexander!" Magnus ground out, heart thundering away. "Just give me a moment, please. I need to think."

"Does it have anything to do with this?" Alec's heart was echoing in his ears when he watched Magnus shift his haunted gaze over his shoulder to look at him and then to the envelope he was now holding in his hand.

"What...is that?"

"Camille gave it to me. Last night, just before you came upon us." Alec watched Magnus slowly turn and face him as he dropped the envelope onto the coffee table. "She said she wanted to show me your past."

"Are you satisfied now? That you got what you wanted without my consent?"

"That isn't what I wanted!" Magnus focused his gaze on Alec. "And it isn't what happened either. I haven't opened it."

"But you want to."

"Of course I do. I want to know you Magnus, but only if you me to." Alec listened to Magnus let out a dark laugh.

"That's a first, someone giving me a choice."

"Isn't that what life is? A series of choices?" The older man glanced over at him once more. "I didn't realise it at first, but I do now. I've been wanting you to make a choice."

"And what choice is that?"

"To share yourself with me!" Alec snapped. Any warning signs that had been going off in his head or heart could no longer be heard or felt. "All I see is this!" Alec gestured with his hand to Magnus. "You always show me this beautiful, confident amazing man, but what about that?" His blue eyes dropped to the envelope on the coffee table. "What about the other sides of you? You shared yourself with her Magnus. She knows all of you, so why not me? Why can't I know what she knows?" The room was silent as Alec let out a frustrated sigh. "Why'd you even share yourself with someone so...so...vile?!"

"Because I loved her!" Magnus snapped. Alec's heart broke a little at the confession. Those very words echoed in his head.

"So, is that what it is then?" Brown-golden orbs finally rose to look into his anguish filled blue orbs. "I'm not worth...loving?" It took everything in Alec to say that. He even felt his knees grow weak as he sat back down on the lounge. Was this all part of her plan? To make Alec realise that he really wasn't worth anything at all?

"You are worth everything!" Alec snapped his head up, blinking wide. What had he just heard? "I can't share that part of me with you. I can't bare the thought of destroying us... Destroying you."

"Destroying me?" Alec was thoroughly confused. "Magnus talk to me. How can I begin to understand you if you won't let me in? You won't let me..."

"Because you won't understand!" Magnus frustratingly snapped. "I am an abomination, devil spawn, just like my mother said!"

"Magnus..." Alec hated this beautiful man thinking himself like that.

"I was the product of an affair. A bastard child. My very existence made my own mother kill herself. What else am I to think?" Alec's lips parted, trying to think of something to say but nothing was forming. "Once she was gone, even my stepfather couldn't wait to get rid of me." Magnus let out a sigh of defeat.

"Magnus..."

"Everything I touch ends badly. Camille and I never worked out. I was so in love with her, so devoted to her, lavishing her with everything I had just so she would spend time with me, stay with me, love me like I hoped someone would love me. Look where that got me? I touched her with these hands and she went running off to so many other men!" Magnus snappily elaborated. Alec's eyes were wide as he listened to Magnus let loose. He could hear the hurt, see it coming off him in waves. "The first person I ever loved...and she did that to me."

"Magnus..." The man was just standing in his living room, shoulders hunched, head bent and eyes staring at his open hands.

"These hands bring nothing but disaster. I am nothing but a disaster. Catarina never wanted me. She didn't even want my child." Alec's mouth dropped open.

"But...But she gave birth to Madzie."

"Of course she did. She took pity on me, knowing all I've ever wanted was a family. She couldn't love me, not the way I wanted her to, but she born me a daughter and then that was it. Our time together was over. Cat didn't want me or Madzie in the end. I unknowingly infected my newly born child with my curse. Of course things are a little different now, Cat wants to do better, but still, everything is my fault." Alec listened to Magnus give off a defeated, sad laugh. "Its probably even my own fault Sweet Pea got so sick when she was younger, having to be hospitalised so frequently."

"Magnus, no..."

"I killed Dot!" Magnus brokenly shouted. "I killed her!" Alec eyes went wide. "I couldn't love her the way she wanted, the way she deserved. She'd fallen for me, a wretched person who couldn't show her just how special she was. How wonderful she was. She loved me and all I wanted was a physical relationship. I was so selfish. She deserved so much better and all I did was lap up how devoted she was to me and took multiple partners even though..." Alec listened to Magnus gasp in shock, almost sounding strangled. "I turned into Camille!" Magnus was horrified at his own sudden discovery. "I didn't care that I had someone at my side, someone so sweet like Dot who was going to be the mother to two of my children, and just continued to be irresponsible and had a number of partners even though she wanted to be exclusive with me." Alec watched Magnus begin to pace. This was not how he wanted any chat about Magnus' past to go, but it looked like the flood gates had opened and Magnus was letting it all out. "Dot died because of me. She died because I couldn't love her!"

"Dot died of an illness Magnus." Alec softly tried to interject. He remembered that when Magnus had talked about her and Catarina before.

"Something she probably got whilst being associated with me I bet." Alec hated seeing this very negative Magnus. Being so down on himself. "Woolsey was next." Alec felt his eyebrows furrow.

"I thought you said he disappeared?"

"He did disappear. All the way to London, though I didn't find that out until months later when I got a call from the police over there saying they had found his dead body!" Alec's eyes widened again, mouth parting in shock. "I was one of the few contacts in his phone so they rang me to ask questions. I was truthful to them. We were only together for that short period of time. He was a broken soul, like me. His brother died rather unexpectedly and Woolsey got heavily involved in drugs. We met inside the Sanctuary. We started our physical relationship in there." Alec chewed on his bottom lip as he listened to everything Magnus was spilling. "We left at the same time and continued our physical relationship on the outside. We licked each others wounds. He had his drugs, I had my alcohol, and we each had the warmth of each others bodies. We never talked about ourselves, except for that one time he talked of his brother. He didn't ask about my life and I didn't tell him anything. I just wasn't built to share. They said he had overdosed. They said he was holding onto his phone and my number was there, like he was going to call me but he never did."

"Magnus..."

"Whether Camille did something to him or not, making him flee New York, I don't know, but she is who she is. In the end, it doesn't matter. What I touch, I destroy on my own. I don't need her help on that."

"You haven't destroyed me Magnus."

"She has shown herself Alexander. Camille is not going away."

"Then we'll just have to make her go." Alec didn't like the snort that came from Magnus. "You don't think we can do it?"

"She will get what she wants." Alec's eyes went wide. What she wanted was...

"You...want to go back to her?"

"She will tell you my past. When you know that, you will leave."

"I don't want her telling me. I want you telling me."

"No."

"Magnus,"

"No."

"Please?"

"No!"

"Fine!" Alec snapped back, hands going for the envelope on the table. "You leave me no choice but to..." As soon as his fingers grasped it, an almost cannibalistic growl broke from Magnus' lips.

"You have no right to open it!" Magnus shouted as he lurched forward, hands quick as lightning as he yanked it out of Alec's grip, throwing it across the room as it went sliding across the floorboards.

"I want to know about you! What you think is going to happen, its not going to happen!" Alec was shouting back.

"Yes it will!"

"She won't break us!" Alec tried desperately to reason with him. "Just let me in! Please!"

"NO!" Alec's hands balled into fists on his lap.

"Then maybe you should just go back to her! She knows all of you, continuously throwing that in my face, so maybe you both deserve each other!" Alec regretted the words as soon as they heatedly popped out. The look on Magnus' face, it was like he'd physically slapped the man! Alec placed his hands over his mouth, eyes closing for a moment, taking in some deep breaths. "Why can't you just open up to me? Why can't you just tell me the truth?"

"Truth? You want the truth? What possible good will my truth do for you? Just what truth are you looking for from me exactly Alexander?"

"I..."

"The truth about how abused I was when I was in foster care? How every single home I went into pretty much knocked me about when they were supposed to take care of me? Is that what you want to know? All they ever wanted was the money they were getting from the Government. They didn't give a shit about me. Did you want to know it wasn't just the father's that would beat me, but the mother's too?" Alec bit his bottom lip. "Or did you want the truth that in the last two families the supposed father figures who were meant to be there for me ended up going so far away from being a protective parent then you could ever imagine."

"Magnus I never..."

"I was raped Alexander." Blue eyes went wide, tearing up instantly. "Is that the truth you want to hear? Is that what you want me to confess to you as some of my deep dark secrets? Well guess what, there you have it, there's a secret from my childhood that not even the authorities know about."

"Magnus..."

"I was seven years old!" Alec bit into his bottom lip. "I WAS SEVEN!" Magnus shouted painfully. "SEVEN Alexander! Do you know what you were doing at seven years old? I sure as hell remember everything that was being done to me!" Alec was sure tears slipped from his eyes and trailed down his cheeks as Magnus paced like a wounded and caged animal. His right hand was scratching at his left, pretty much drawing blood and it was like Magnus didn't even realise he was doing it! Alec could voice nothing, his throat having closed up on him as he just sat on the couch watching Magnus, who continued to pace. Alec was sure the beautiful man didn't even realise he himself was crying now. "I was meant to be safe!" Magnus voiced in anguish. "I was meant to be protected and there I was, gagged, in basements and being split open so horribly I can almost still feel the pain of it now. Who..." Magnus stopped his pacing, trying to catch his breath as it came out in shudders. His left palm was practically scratched raw. "Who does that to a child!? Who in their right mind would think anyone could ever be that evil?" Alec froze when Magnus' haunted eyes looked over at him, but seemed to almost be looking through him. "Did you know every time I was raped, if I cried out, it brought them more pleasure? Did you know that when they did that to me, it was my fault? They always said it was my fault. I made them do it so of course it was my fault. Is that the truth you want so desperately to know of me? "

"I'm sorry." Alec brokenly voiced, trying to brush the tears from his face.

"I wanted to die." Alec felt his heart stop, his breath hitching as Magnus stood frozen, looking down at his hands. His fingernails on his right were bloody, whilst droplets of blood fell to the floorboards from his left. "I prayed to die. I wished for a car to come round the corner too fast where I was walking on the pavement and crash into me and end my suffering and kill me."

"Magnus..."

"Do you know the lies they would tell my school of my absences as I couldn't even walk for days, weeks on end, so of course it was Magnus has chicken pox or Magnus has respiratory infections or Magnus has a really bad flu. I was a walking disease! Broken and bloody and worthless!"

"Magnus please..."

"What? Now you don't want to know about my secrets? About my truths? Why, because its not just being slapped on the face like what your dad did to you? Now everything is so vivid and grotesque that you can barely look at me now that you do know how disgusting I truly am?"

"That's not it! Magnus I..."

"You want to know all of me, then here it is Alec! And remember, this is what YOU wanted!"

"Magnus..."

"A lot of people turn their misfortunes around and become activists or public speakers to raise awareness of physical and sexual abuse and become psychologists and psychiatrists and want to do good in the world and help those that may have experienced what they did too. You know what I did, I went the other way. I sullied myself with filth. I figured I'm already tainted and broken. I'm filthy and disgusting so I may as well make some money out of this and go sell myself." Alec's mouth gapped open. "I was barely in my father's home by the time I was 12, and officially I became homeless when I was 15. The only way I could get some money to buy some food and drink and warmer clothing was to give head. I wasn't picky about how much, as long as I got money for it. Of course, the more I did it, the better at it I was and the more I could charge."

"You... You still went to school so why..." Alec was having a hard time comprehending all this. Magnus' blow up confession was making his stomach churn and Alec wasn't sure if he'd be able to keep his stomach contents down, which was probably just filled with scotch anyway. Then there was the horrifying fact of if he did throw up in front of Magnus, how much would the man hate himself even more then he clearly did!

"Of course I stayed in school. The one time I saw my father back then was to tell him to keep paying the fees a bit longer until I could get my own job. If he did that I'd keep my extra curricula activities to a minimum and it won't ever tie back to him."

"Magnus..."

"I wanted to get the hell out of this toxic city which had done me so much damage, and the only way that was happening was a high school certificate and the opportunity of a scholarship. That was the only bit of light in my darkness. The possibility of getting out of here." Alec watched Magnus shift to his bar cart, unscrewing the lid of another bottle of scotch as he poured himself a hefty drink and sculled the lot.

"Magnus..." Alec was becoming worried at how much the man was consuming so quickly. He knew alcohol could numb your senses, numb your pain, but it was not the answer. "Magnus don't..." A third glass of scotch went down the hatch.

There was a slight reprieve as Magnus glanced out the window for a moment.

"I was so lost, I'd run away from my father's place, being forgotten like I was nothing. I wasn't exactly a model son that he could be proud of either. I didn't know what I was going to do, but then I found the strip club. I faked my age and began working behind the bar. After some time, I wasn't just a barman, I WAS one of the strippers." Blue eyes widened and Alec's mouth dropped open. "That's why I froze on the terrace when you said I could dance that night when I got back from the UK." Magnus shook his head as he poured a fourth drink. "Bar work didn't pay a lot. It wasn't enough to pay all the bills, or my accommodation or my extra study classes I was doing, or the clothes on my back or food in my belly, so I went even further and became one of the main strippers. I stripped for money. Is that the sort of truth you so wanted to hear?" Alec's mouth dropped open again. He watched helplessly as Magnus knocked back his drink and poured a fifth.

"Time passed in a blur and then suddenly I was graduating and I had gotten a scholarship to SAIC. I finally got my first break in forever. I quit the strip club, getting beat up by the owner because I had been good for business, and now I was ditching him. I didn't care though, I was out of this toxic city. I moved to Chicago and I finally met Ragnor. He knew I was broken, but he respected my distances, respected the walls I had around me, and he never pushed." Alec flinched a little, wondering if that was Magnus' jab at him for pushing. "He saved me from myself. Saved me from loneliness." The fifth scotch was drunk and Alec felt a small amount of relief as Magnus moved away from the cart. "Do you know how hard it is to make a clean break from using your body for money?" Alec shook his head, even though Magnus wasn't looking at him. "Its hard. In fact, I didn't last very long at doing that at all." Alec gulped down the lump in his throat when Magnus' haunting eyes finally shifted to look at him. "Do you have any idea what old men pay to have a young boy at their mercy?" Alec honestly thought he was going to vomit at that, the imagery of a dirty old man looming over a barely twenty year old Magnus was something that was burning behind Alec's retinas. "After a particularly brutal encounter, with a twisted arm, a busted lip and a soon to form black eye and an ass that hurt so much, I ended up stumbling across a strip club. The memories I had tried shutting out, of how good I was at it back in New York, came back to me immediately. Again, I faked my age and its not like the owner was an honest blue collar kind of guy, so he wasn't going to stop me even though I suspected he knew I wasn't 21 at the time."

"Magnus..."

"He was a creep, a pervert, but I was desperate, so I showed him what I could do. I stripped for him and he liked what he saw very much. They did two nights a week where the strippers were solely men and not women and the eyes that would land on you... The way they just wanted to punish you for daring to use your best assets against them, making them weak in the knees and wanting you so very much. It was powerful and disgusting. In the end, the tips weren't the best, but I knew I had several regulars that would come watch me, so I turned on the charm and started providing private strip shows in shady hotel rooms. If they wanted more, if they wanted to touch me, it was going to cost them extra. A lot extra. When I started doing that and word started getting around, the owner found out and beat me bloody. I could barely move that night. I called Ragnor, he picked me up and patched me up and never asked questions. I was thankful to him that night. I quit working at the club, but a few days later I started getting some calls from my previous regulars and that was when my true business venture began."

"What... What do you mean?"

"I became a professional prostitute Alexander." Blue eyes widened. "You could say escort services was a pretty good calling for me, with all the skills I'd learned over the years and yes you can rage on about the debates of being an escort to being a prostitute and go on and on but the fact of the matter is, I provided a professional service and if they wanted sex, well that was extra, and I was willing to do it, man or woman. I was already disgusting so why not sink to the lowest place I could possibly be at and just live in it. Thrive in it. I wanted to forget everything I had become so I drank to forget, stripped to survive and had sex to take the edge off. My only redeeming factor was the fact I always made sure to use protection. Everything after that was fair game. I was up for anything as long as I was getting paid. I was adamant about protection which pissed off some of my clients. One particular slime bag decided he was going to have me as he saw fit, because I was scum of the earth who had to do as he said. He beat me senseless so I wouldn't be able to put up a fight, but he never got to rape me that night because one of the hotel staff came to check on us because we were making too much noise as the guest next door had complained. He cleared out after that and I never saw him again. I started taking self defence classes and any forms of martial arts possible after that night. I was not going to be defenceless anymore. I was no longer that 7 and 8 year old boy. Everything was now done on my terms and if my clients didn't like it then they could go elsewhere. If they scoffed at my always using protection, because I was classy like that, then they were scratched off the list and my number deleted from their phone." Magnus darkly voiced. "Are you happy with being told the truth now? Are you now so incredibly happy that this is who you decided to date? A sexually abused man, a liar, a stripper and a former prostitute."

"Magnus... No..."

"All my make-up, all my clothes, they are my armour. Behind it is a broken, filthy, tainted, disgusting, abused, pathetic thing!" Alec shot to his feet, lips parted, ready to say Magnus was none of those things when he observed the man back peddled away from him, hands flying up as though he possibly thought he might actually hit him! "Stay away from me!"

"Magnus..." Alec's heart was going ten to the dozen.

"I'm a fucking mess Alexander. Such a fucking mess..." Magnus confessed in torment. "I've...damaged you...tainted you...destroyed you." Alec's eyes were large, mouth agape, moving but nothing was coming out. "You deserve so much better."

"Magnus... Please..."

"Don't!" Magnus closed his eyes for a few moments, arms wrapping around himself. "I don't need your pity or your sympathy." Magnus spat the words out now that his explosive confessions were done.

"What..." Alec licked his lips in nervousness, heart thundering in his chest. "What do you need?"

"To be alone." Alec's heart cried out then, knowing that was far from the truth but knew right now there wasn't much he could say or do at this moment tat would make Magnus feel alright about this or himself.

"Whether you believe me or not, Camille never told me anything." Alec watched Magnus' gaze dart over to his pain filled blue orbs. "I know she wanted to, that envelope was obvious, but I would never want to hear about your skeletons from someone else. Especially from someone who has hurt you so much." Alec felt tears well up when Magnus' wound even tighter around himself, trying to draw even more away from him. "Magnus please... Please don't shut me out."

"I... I need...I need you to go... I need to...to think." Alec hated how closed off Magnus was being. Even if he too needed to try and process what had been shouted at him, but for Alec that didn't mean they had to do it separately. He didn't know when he started to cry again, much like Magnus himself, and knew he was loosing the battle to try and stay with Magnus. Alec slowly turned his back to his boyfriend, pulling on his boots and jacket and left the apartment, knowing Magnus wouldn't like him hanging around like a bad smell and had done as Magnus brokenly requested of him.

Aimlessly walking the streets of Brooklyn, folding his arms around his body, shivering as he was not layered up enough, all Alec could truly think about was Asmodeus' words that evening he'd gone to see him. He knew now that all of this was Magnus' biggest darkest secrets. Camille was nothing compared to the sort of life Magnus had lived back then, but she had been the one he had loved for the very first time and she had ruined him.

Alec finally knew the truth, he finally got Magnus to open up, even if he shouted most of it at him, as he laid himself bare.

Now, what was Alec going to do with it all?

#

(Three days later...)

The two men had been avoiding each other. Each needing the time to get their heads into the right space. At least that was Alec anyway. He was still mulling over everything Magnus had finally confessed to him and he still truly didn't know what to do with it all. Not that he could do much with it. What had happened, had happened. One couldn't turn back time and change the past. It was what it was. The major choice now was whether Alec could accept it all. Accept Magnus now knowing all of his secrets.

Since their blow up and Magnus' forced sharing of his past, Alec had moved back into the spare room, knowing he just wasn't welcome in Magnus' bed. He hated it. He missed Magnus' warmth. Magnus' scent. Magnus' body moulded around his or his own cuddling Magnus'. Alec missed waking up to the man fluttering his fingers through his unruly hair or gliding sensually down his spine or lips fluttering over his closed eyes, down to this cheeks and then onto his neck and sometimes further...

Alec sighed just thinking about it as he finally rolled out of bed. He'd been up for half an hour as it was but refused to leave the room. What was the point when he was going to be set with another day on his own?

The kids had been staying at Raphael's place, the man knowing things were clearly tense between them, but also because his mother and sister were still around and they just loved showering Magnus' children with attention and affection. They hadn't seen them in a long time and who was Alec to say no to that? Actually, he was not their parent so its not like he could have an opinion on the matter anyway.

Over the past couple of days, when Alec woke of a morning, Magnus was already gone. When Alec went to bed, closing the door, an hour or so later, he could hear Magnus moving down the hallway to his bedroom. He could very well open the door, see Magnus, talk to him, but the very thought made him freeze each time. He hated his own body for what it was doing. He wanted to see Magnus. He wanted to talk to him, but Alec didn't know where to start. He had no experience in any of this.

Should he consult with his sister about this? She'd probably had a few arguments over the years with boyfriends, so maybe she could give him some pointers on how to settle things down and clear the air.

Although, Alec didn't like the idea of sharing any of Magnus' past with anyone. Not unless he said he could. He shook his head knowing that only he could fix this. Only he could end the pain he was feeling right now and knew no matter what, this wasn't changing how he felt about Magnus. Alec knew what he had to do and quickly finally threw the covers off and quickly got dressed. There was one way he knew he could get his message across and by the angel he was going out to get what he needed and then he would sit and wait and wait until Magnus came home and they were going to talk. No more avoiding each other.

Alec was now dressed in jeans, black tank, sweater and woolly socks. He slipped his feet into the boots Izzy bought him for Christmas, tying up the laces and then threw on a hoodie. His wallet, keys and phone were shoved into pockets and he was out the door at top speed, front door flying open and then slamming closed as he headed out, a man on a mission.

What Alec failed to realise was the very man who he would wait for to come home from the gallery, no matter what ungodly hour it was going to be, was in actual fact home today. Magnus had been sitting on the couch, chewing worriedly on a nail as he waited for Alec to get up. Magnus had been dreading this day, knowing exactly what he needed to do and with Clary demanding he not come to work for the next couple of days, he knew the day had come. He and Alec needed to talk, but before he could even open his mouth, he had watched the man go flying out the apartment!

Magnus let out a sigh. He'd just have to wait.

#

When Alec returned a few hours later, his blue eyes caught sight of movement, jerking his gaze in the direction and his orbs went wide.

"M-Magnus!" Alec gasped, not realising the man was going to be home so soon. He was holding a cup of steaming hot tea between his fingers, seemingly heading back to the lounge. Alec realised that there was quite a few things scattered across the coffee table and that meant the man had been here for awhile. Probably hadn't even left!

"Can we talk?" Magnus softly asked and Alec felt relief flood him, nodding as he moved towards the lounge.

"Yes, of course. There is something I want to talk about with you as well." He'd gotten what he needed, hands still shoved into the pockets of his hoodie, fingering the small packets he was carrying. His present to Magnus.

Alec watched the man place down his tea cup and watched him pick up a small envelope, holding it out to him.

"These are for you." Alec carefully took the envelope.

"What is it?"

"Business cards." Magnus voiced softly. "People that have returned to the gallery asking for you." Alec's eyebrows furrowed. "They want to hire you for one thing or another."

"Oh..."

"I know you got some on opening night."

"Well yes but..." Alec watched Magnus let out a defeated sigh.

"This just shows what I've been trying to avoid. Not wanting to admit to the truth."

"What truth?" Alec watched as Magnus' gaze, which wasn't showing anything right now, lifted to meet his bright blue eyes.

"You don't belong here Alexander." Eyebrows furrowed as Alec had no idea what was going on right now. "I...don't want to hold you back from doing what you love. What you were born to do."

"And what am I meant to love?"

"We've been living together for over three months. When you are in the kitchen, you are so at peace, so in your element, its beautiful to watch." A soft pink hue brushed across Alec's cheeks at the compliment. "The night Biscuit and Bane opened, it was more obvious then. I've never seen you look so free, so alive then when you were there. Especially when I saw you in the kitchen, mind awakened to all the possibilities of what you could create, everything at your very fingertips. Its where you are meant to be." Alec's mouth went dry. "I want you to follow your dreams."

"But..."

"Over the past few days, when clients come through our doors, they remember you Alexander. They remember your food. These are just the ones that I received. Clary sent me a message saying she got more today. With the dozen that were passed to me and the eight that Clary got today, that is twenty people that want you Alexander." Magnus watched Alec's eyes widen as he pulled the stack from the envelope and looked them over. "Two of the cards belong to very reputable restaurants. They told me they actually want to hire you."

"I..."

"You've done everything for everyone else. Now its time for you to do things for you." Alec didn't know what to say. "Your trust fund from your grandparents has cleared your parents debts and now you have money behind you too. You can actually breathe now. The world is truly your oyster. You're free to live your life, without the pressure of what your parents left behind. Even your siblings can no longer hold you back. They are doing great. Max is going to start at SAIC soon, Izzy is about to follow her dream to work in the UK and Jace... Well he'll get there. He's doing great now. Structure and stability and the support of his family is what is going to get him through this. I even told him that when he sorts himself out, he can work security at Biscuit and Bane." Alec arched an eyebrow at that news. "We have a couple of events popping up soon, private functions, and I'm hoping it will also help him and Clary patch things up. If he takes me up on my offer, I'll make sure to roster him on the days Biscuit is there so they can reacquaint themselves quicker." Magnus just couldn't help but scheme a little. His fiery little Biscuit was family now. He also knew she still had a thing for Jace, and though the blonde had his problems, perhaps Clary would be the one to help him.

"Magnus..."

"Your siblings are fulfilling their dreams. Now its your turn."

"I...I could do both. You know, still keep your dad at bay and go to night school or something."

"And tire yourself out? No way. I would feel guilty if I made you do that."

"You wouldn't be making me Magnus. I..." Alec felt his words stop as Magnus placed his index finger lightly against his lips. It was the first touch they had shared since opening night before it all turned to shit.

"Let me let you go." Alec's heart pounded in his ears. "Let me have a clean break before the kids and I become too dependant on you." There was a tired sounding laugh, Alec unable to speak right now as his throat had suddenly closed up on him as he observed Magnus shake his head. "I'm sure we already are dependant on you, but you need to do things for you now."

"Wh-Why?" It was all Alec could get out even when his head and heart were screaming at him to say more.

"Because this is your life Alexander. You only get one shot at it and with how selfless you have been, with the cards you were dealt, well now things have turned. Its time for you to start living your life on your terms."

"Magnus..."

"We'll be alright. I'm going to do better. I'm going to be better. I will be that Papa my children will be so very proud of as they grow up. You've taught me the importance of family. Of being open and honest as I don't want to live in the past anymore. I don't want it to rule my future any longer."

"I...I didn't really do much." Alec had no idea what he should say right now. Everything was a jumbled mess in his head, still reeling from when Magnus said he had to 'let him go'.

"Trust me Alexander, you have done plenty. Even more then what I could possibly even begin to explain."

"Magnus..."

"I'm so glad we had this time together. The five of us. You've given us so much. Given me so much..." Alec gulped down the lump in his throat. He now knew Magnus' secrets and yet the man was pulling away from him! Alec didn't want that! He really wanted to tell him just how much he was in lo-... "I will only hold you back." Alec's thoughts immediately froze at Magnus softly spoken words. "You are destined for bigger and better things."

"Magnus... Wait... I... There is something I wanted to say. Something I needed to tell you. I..." Just the look on the man's face had Alec's heart stopping in his chest.

"I cannot keep holding you back. If you stay, I'll only shackle you. I cannot do that to someone who was born to fly."

"Magnus..."

"I can never voice my thanks enough for what you have done. For what you've sacrificed and given my children and I." Shimmering brown-golden orbs finally rose to look into equally shimmering blue orbs. "I'm truly sorry for the way things have turned out."

"Magnus... Please... I..."

"I know I shocked you about my past."

"You did." Alec honestly, softly, voiced. He watched those pretty brown-golden orbs drop from his gaze. "Its alright Magnus." Alec tried reaching out for the man's hand but bit his bottom lip when Magnus denied him, jerking away from his touch. He was probably still feeling very raw, vulnerable and exposed from his shouted confessions a few days back.

"Its not alright. I'm not alright. I'm...filth."

"Magnus, no..." Alec's thoughts of whether Magnus thought himself truly disgusting were now plain to see. He was ashamed of himself, thinking he had now 'sullied' Alec.

"I... I thought long and hard as to how I could possibly repay your selflessness, your kindness, towards me and my children and this is all I could think of." Alec gazed down at an envelope in Magnus' shaking hands. Alec's own shaking ones gripped it.

"What is this?"

"Will's wife Tessa, is a dear friend of mine. She runs the Institute of Culinary Education. With my persuasion and a little reminder that the meatballs, the soup and all the desserts were handmade by you, there's been an opening made especially for you at I.C.E." Alec's mouth parted, fingers fumbling as heripped the envelope open and pulled out a letter which read 'CONGRATULATIONS' in big, bold lettering. His disbelieving eyes even caught wording like 'Full Scholarship' and if required, there was an option for 'Housing Assistance' too.

"I... I can't..." Alec's heart thundered away.

"Yes you can!" Magnus took a step closer, Alec listening to the strain in his voice and gulped down the lump in his throat when Magnus took hold of his shaking hands with the crumpled letter still held in them. Magnus' hands were ice cold. They were not warm like they had always been. "I know you are scared of venturing out, because you've always had a safety net around you." Alec lifted his eyes to look up at Magnus. "That safety net has always been your siblings. Taking care of them, making them priority number one is all you've ever truly known."

"But I don't..." Alec was truly lost for words.

"This is a gift I want to give you because you thoroughly deserve it." Alec licked his lips in nervousness, reeling at what was written in the letter, of what he had glimpsed in any case. "Its time to make yourself number one Alexander. You have so much to give. So much hidden talent. Those business cards attest to that. Its time for you to show it to the rest of New York. Maybe even to the world. Its time for you to grace I.C.E. with your skills. My children and I have been blessed to see some of it, but its time for everyone to know just who Alexander Lightwood truly is." Alec sucked in some shuddering breaths when Magnus cupped his face. The tender touch made tears form in his eyes. "A truly gifted man in every sense of the word."

"Magnus..." Alec was lost for words. Magnus' eyes bore into his own, shimmering with what appeared to be a thousand and one emotions.

"Please, will you accept my gift?" Alec jerked his head into a nod, unable to talk. How could he not with the way Magnus was looking at him, those beautiful mesmerising eyes pleading with him not to reject his gift, even though the very man was rejecting him. He felt his heart plummet into his stomach when Magnus backed away far too suddenly, drawing his warmth away, even if his hands were ice cold. "You are an exceptional man Alexander Lightwood. Never forget that."

"Magnus please..."

"I'm going to miss you."

"D-Don't do this."

"I have to."

"N-No you don't. We can... We can figure this out. Whatever you are thinking, this isn't the answer Magnus. Please, lets just clear our heads and talk alright?"

"Talking just makes things even messier Alexander. Talking lead me to here."

"Magnus please..."

"I'm so sorry Alexander." Alec blinked rapidly, trying not to let the tears fall from his eyes as he bit into his bottom lip. "Its not you. Its me." Alec's lips parted. "I know those are the worst words to say, and I deserve to be hit because of them, but I just can't do this anymore. Some angels aren't meant to be caged, their wings are just too bright."

"Magnus..."

"Do you remember when you once asked me what I was most afraid of?" Alec jerked his head into a nod, blue eyes shimmering. "Its this." Magnus stepped closer once more, leaned down and pressed his lips gently to Alec's, feeling them tremble. Or was that possibly his own? The bitter-sweet kiss didn't last long. "Goodbye Alexander." Those heartbreaking words were whispered against his lips as Magnus pulled away, his hands slipping from cupping Alec's face, it ripping both their hearts into pieces, though Magnus was trying to hold firm, trying not to show how much pain he was currently in. How much he hated doing this.

He walked away, moving down the hallway and into his bedroom, the door clicking closed with a resonating sound as he slid down it, burying his face into his up-drawn knees, shoulders shaking. Alec needed to be free of him. He deserved so much better then the fucked up man that he was. Alec didn't need to be tainted by his broken self any more.

Alec on the other hand was not hiding his emotions at all. He stood in the open plan living room of Magnus' home. His home. Or what was once his home. Alec truly felt like he now had nothing. This was rock bottom for him and he felt like he was going into a panic attack, breath heaving, a wrecked sob bursting forth before he bit roughly into his bottom lip to stifle it, certain he had drawn blood.

This is not how this was meant to go!

Alec had finally decided today was the day that he and Magnus were going to communicate better, going to air everything out and move on from Magnus' confessions. It was like Jace had said. All secrets came out eventually, you just had to be the one to accept it, control it and own up to it and work it out together and move on as a couple. He and Magnus had done none of that. That was why Alec decided today was the day. He was going to clear up any misunderstandings that might be in place. To clear up any doubts Magnus may have after spilling the beans on his past. Alec wanted to be here. He also wanted to surprise Magnus as well, by presenting him with the seedlings he had picked out. They were going to help him confess what Magnus truly meant to him. Past or no past, Alec had wanted to confess! He wanted to ease Magnus' pain and be the first person that would stay by his side. Or at least in his head that is what he was going to do and yet... It had all come to an abrupt end!

'Why?' That's all Alec's head was screaming.

He wanted to shout it aloud, scream it until his lungs burned. Maybe even bash down Magnus' door and proclaim that they shouldn't be throwing what they have away. That they were better then this, better together, and could overcome all their insecurities together.

Alec desperately wanted to fix this so Magnus wouldn't throw him away. He'd do anything so Magnus would let him stay with him. Where would he start though when Magnus wouldn't even look at him now?

Alec took in some gulps of air, finding it more and more difficult to breathe, his blurry eyes shifting to the framed picture on the fireplace mantel of he and the kids on the floor, near the tree and unwrapping presents together. Magnus had taken it without his knowledge and had gotten it printed and framed and when Alec saw it a couple days after Christmas he was grinning like an idiot at it. It was like they were family.

Now it was suddenly no longer like that. Alec no longer had a place here. His world was fast crumbling around his feet. Alec shakily pulled out the packets of seeds, tears falling down his cheeks as he looked down at them, hands shaking as he scrunched them up.

Now it was his turn to feel that sudden fight or flight emotion completely overtaking him.

He couldn't be here, he just couldn't!

Alec dashed out of the apartment, charging down the stairs blindly. Just as he reached the bottom, gripping the bannister with one hand as he was certain he might very well collapse, but he is unable to when there are squeals of delight near the entrance.

"Alec! Allie! Xanda!" He jerked on the spot, fingers dropping the packets of seedlings as they hit the marbled flooring as his red and puffy eyes darted over to the adorable trio that had suddenly called out to him. The adorable trio that he hadn't seen since the gallery opening. It appeared today, right now in fact, Magnus' children were being dropped off by Raphael.

They looked ready to run over, ready to accept cuddles from him, but Alec couldn't do it. He couldn't place on a fake smile and pretend everything was right in his world. His eyes drifted over to Raphael's and the quiet man instantly knew something was wrong, lips down turned as he looked him over.

"Alec... Is everything alright?" Raphael took a couple of steps forward, as though ready to come closer, maybe even try and console him even if he didn't know what was going on. That wasn't what Alec wanted though. All he needed was Magnus! And the man didn't want him! Magnus had rejected him!

"I can't... I'm sorry I just... Sorry!" Alec babbled as he dashed past the shocked IT company president and Magnus' children, rushing out onto the street, faintly hearing Raphael (senior) yelling out to him, but Alec needed to get far, far away from the Brownstone.

Alec charged on ahead, blindly running down the street and headed for the only place he could possibly find solace within.

By the time he got there, his lungs burned and his legs were practically jelly-like. Alec knocked on the door, not having a key to the place and watched, a little shocked, when Jace opened the door.

"Alec! What are-" The blonde never did get any further as he caught Alec in his arms. "What happened?" Jace was alarmed as he staggered slightly, Alec was taller and bulkier then him and quickly kicked the door closed so they could have a little privacy. Jace was utterly shocked right now. Never in his life had he ever seen Alec like this before!

"I don't... I can't..." Alec gasped out. Jace's arms were rubbing up and down his back, trying to offer support, but Alec was currently a drowning man. "I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to be in love if it makes me hurt like this." Alec brokenly voiced before he let out all his feelings in one go, knees buckling. Jace went with him, knees smacking into the hard floorboards as Alec collapsed into his arms. Jace could do nothing but hold his brother close, eyes darting over to the other two occupants in the house who looked just as shocked as he did. Their usually unemotional, always keeping himself in check, brother was falling apart before their very eyes.

It didn't take long for Izzy and Max to drift on over, dropping to their knees as their arms went out to their big brother, their parent, and hugged Alec as tight as they could, hearts breaking as he sobbed.

"Its alright Alec. Its going to be alright." Though Izzy softly repeated it over and over, in truth she wasn't so sure. She knew Alec's current mindset had everything to do with Magnus Bane, the very man she knew her big brother was hopelessly in love with, just as he practically sobbed out to Jace earlier, but it appeared Magnus did not feel the same.

Izzy began to plot his demise.

#

(The next day...)

Alec woke extremely early, gazing up at the ceiling as he felt his cheeks flush. He'd embarrassingly collapsed in the arms of his brother, surprised Jace was having another day out of the Sanctuary, and he not knowing about it, but all that mattered was the dreadful way he had been feeling. Alec had cried like he'd never cried before with his beloved siblings cuddled around him. He'd clearly cried himself into exhaustion because he was now lying in Max's bed with the teen at his side, out cold and his smaller hand wrapped around his own.

He carefully got out of bed, prying Max's hand out of his own without waking him and quietly packed a few necessities in a duffel bag. Alec still had stuff of his here after all. He quietly padded down the short hallway and ended up by the front door, plucking the SUV keys from the pottery dish near the front door and slipped out. He left a note on Max's study desk, stating he was fine, but just needed some space and time and that he'd be in touch soon.

Thankfully his battered SUV kicked over and Alec drove towards the I-95, needing to get the hell out of New York. The radio was blasting away, possibly on the most appropriate song ever, a song that truly spoke to Alec as he continued to drive and drive as fast as legally possible as the lyrics swarmed in his bleeding heart...

Feels like I'm falling
Into a world
Into a world
I can't control

I hear it calling
Down in my soul
Gripping my bones
It won't let go

Wake me up
Won't you wake me up
I'm caught in a bad dream
Caught in a bad dream
Wake me up
I wanna feel the sun
I'm caught in a bad dream
Caught in a bad dream

Feels like I'm frozen
Nowhere to run
Nowhere to run, from here
These walls are closing
Closing me in
Wearing me thin, with fear

Wake me up
Won't you wake me up
I'm caught in bad dream
Caught in a bad dream
Wake me up
I wanna feel the sun
I'm caught in a bad dream
Caught in a bad dream
I'm caught in a bad dream
Caught in a bad dream

Wake me up
Won't you wake me up
I'm caught in a bad dream
Caught in a bad dream

Tears blurred Alec's vision which was pretty damn dangerous when he was on the freeway and he furiously tried to brush them away, glancing every now and then at his phone as he followed the GPS towards his destination.

#

Hours slipped by, Alec far from New York now. His crying had stopped awhile ago, his SUV was nearly out of fuel and he felt like such a mess, but when he finally saw the turn off he was looking for, a sort of relief began to flood through him as he turned down a dirt track, speeding down it before pulling up outside quite a stately farmhouse.

Just as the occupants told him back at Christmas, they used the place like a retreat, since it had beautiful views of nature reserves and the seaside and they had stated they spent January here. He was also sure that seeing a vehicle come flying down the dirt road, billowing plumes of dirt in the air would have gotten anyone's attention, never mind the screeching sound of his SUV's brakes.

Alec shakily turned off the ignition, slipping out of his car just as the screen door clacked behind a petite woman.

Alec's body twitched every now and then, wired like he was going to explode or possibly implode as he stood frozen by the engine, hearing it ticking over. So much was going on in his head, but he could faintly hear chickens clucking away, the wind rustling the trees, bird songs, crashing of the waves in the distance and then...

"Cuddle-bug?" Blue eyes shot up and over to luminous green. There was a bright smile on Phoebe's face at seeing Alec before her very eyes. She had thought he would call saying he was coming, but she didn't care. Her beautiful boy was here. Phoebe was dressed in a pair of jeans and a plain white shirt, it tucked into her jeans and was tied up with a tan belt. She had a cardigan over her slender form and her feet were in slippers. Her hair was pulled back into a side ponytail, the dishcloth that had been in her hands was now placed on the railing surrounding the sheltered porch of the farmhouse as she took the steps down and came over to him. "What are you doing here Cuddle-bug? Not that I'm complaining or anything." Every muscle in Alec's body was tense. However, as soon as Phoebe's gentle touch reached out and grasped his hand, enveloping it in her warmth, Alec knew he was beginning to crumble again.

"You said if ever I needed to get away, if ever I wanted to talk, that around this time of year you'd be here."

"Yes of course, you are welcome any time, but what..." Phoebe felt her breath catch when distraught blue eyes finally looked up at her, and only because she'd cupped her grandsons face and directed it to look up. "Oh Cuddle-bug..." She needn't know any more and suddenly found herself sitting in the dirt, in the driveway of her and Andrew's farmhouse retreat, which should be surrounded in snowy goodness, but the weather did strange things, though none of that mattered but the young man clinging to her and shaking in her arms, the sobs that he was so desperately trying to hide were now coming out of Alec. It made Phoebe's heart ache like it hadn't ached in such a long time. Not since she realised that her own son wouldn't allow her and her husband to see their beloved grandson all those years ago. "Tell me what happened?" Phoebe softly voiced, being her ever patient self as she rubbed Alec's heaving back.

"Magnus... Magnus... Let me go. He didn't... He doesn't want me. Said he needed to let me go. Said I needed to fly and not be caged by him." Phoebe glanced up when she felt a hand against her shoulder. Worried blue eyes gazed down at her, Andrew having probably been talking to her and when she hadn't answered, he had come looking for her and found her in the dirt with their upset grandson clinging to her. "Why?" Wasn't that the age old question as Phoebe shushed her grandson, rubbing her hand up and down his back and carded fingers through his messy black hair.

"I'm sure there is a reasonable explanation Cuddle-bug." Phoebe tried since she didn't think Magnus was that type of young man. She had seen the affections he had for her grandson and had thought...

"What's so wrong with me?" Her eyes filled with tears as Andrew crouched beside them, his hand sitting atop of Alec's head, trying to offer comfort even if he'd no idea what was going on. Phoebe was way more clued into the wording this generation used these days. "Why am I not worth loving?"

"Oh Cuddle-bug..." Phoebe held her grandson tighter, his face pressed into her shoulder, shoulders still shaking.

Magnus, the young man who her darling grandson seemed to be so very fond of, had broken up with him. For the life of her she had no idea why any of this happened and really wanted to travel back to New York and find out just what that young man was thinking, though right now her confusion would have to wait, because her little Cuddle-bug needed her right now.

#

Some time had passed, the weather turning gloomy and cold, mother nature possibly channelling their grandson and after a bit of time they had finally coaxed him up to his feet, eyes bloodshot and puffy as they slowly walked him inside, into the warmth and up the stairs to a spare bedroom with its own ensuite. Phoebe helped Alec into bed, removing his boots as she tucked him under the blankets as he was already curled into a ball, eyes closed and out of it due to his emotional exhaustion. Andrew had placed a couple of bottles of water on the bedside table, unsure what he should be doing right now, but did bring up some wood, kindle and old newspapers from downstairs as he lit a fire in the fireplace in the bedroom, wanting to offer warmth this way for his grandson.

Alec kept himself locked away in the tranquillity of the room.

On the third day, Phoebe couldn't take it anymore and had to go and check, not being able to hold in her anxiety any longer and when she softly opened the door, she found Alec curled up on the window seat. She stood at the doorway, sighing in relief that he had finally moved from the bed. She'd brought up his duffel bag yesterday, but it lay at the end of the bed, still zipped up which meant Alec hadn't showered at all. He was curled up under a blanket, leaning against cushions and resting his head against the cool window as he gazed outside.

Alec for his part was trying not to think of the time he and Magnus had shared the man's window seat in his bedroom. Actually pretty much everything about anything Alec was trying desperately not to think about without thinking of Magnus in some way, shape or form. However, when day two rolled around, Alec resigned himself to the fact that it would take a long time for him to forget Magnus and everything they had shared together. Then there was the fact that, whilst his heart hurt, felt broken, Alec wasn't sure he actually did want to forget Magnus and everything he had felt for him. Or done with him.

"Cuddle-bug?" Blue eyes shifted to the door where his grandmother gave a light knock to grab his attention. She gave him a tiny smile, stepping further into the room and moving over to him. "Do you feel like something to eat? You've not had anything since you got here."

"No," His gaze shifted back out the window, watching the waves as the sun was setting on yet another day. Another day he woke without Magnus and his children. Another day he survived without them. Alec hated it. "Sorry Grams..." Alec mumbled as he pressed his head back against the cool glass again.

"There is no need to apologise." She placed down another couple of bottles of water and a plate which had some dry crackers and some sliced fruit just near his covered feet. She was glad to see the other bottles of water had been drunk, so at least he was keeping up his fluids. A little. She wanted him to try and eat something now, or else Alec was going to make himself sick. "Your grandfather moved your car to the garage yesterday for you."

"Thanks for..." Alec paused when he shifted his eyes back to his grandmother and the fact she had placed something against his up-drawn knees. It was his phone.

"I didn't pry, but you do have several missed calls."

"Did you see from who?"

"Your grandfather saw two names."

"Who?"

"A Raphael Santiago called." Alec guessed the man would try and call him since he'd pretty much run away from the scene of his heartbreak like a bat out of hell.

"And the other?" Silence enveloped the room as Alec shifted his gaze to worried green orbs.

"Izzy called. She's been leaving messages on my phone too, wanting to know if we have heard from you. As has Jace and Max. They are very worried about you, so when you feel up to it, please give them a call."

"Thanks Grams." She didn't want to leave him, but knew hovering over him would just make Alec uncomfortable. Right now he just needed a space to clear his head, to think and the security of being some place safe and warm. Phoebe and Andrew could provide that very space for him and so she bent down, pressing her lips to Alec's unwashed hair and then left him be, praying that her grandson would soon talk to them.

#

(Two days later...)

Alec still stayed in the bedroom, but he had started to eat some crackers and fruit now. Little bits at a time because of how sensitive his stomach was these days. He just didn't have an appetite, but he knew he was worrying his grandparents and so on his fifth day, cooped up, he had softly asked if he could have some toast. It literally brought a massive smile to Phoebe's lips as she dashed off to get him some toast.

Alec was once again sitting on the window seat, looking over the lovely view, watching the ocean as it went on for miles, practically endless.

After his grandmother had come to tell him that Raphael and Izzy had called, Alec had picked up his phone the next day and had sent messages off to Izzy, Jace and Max, telling them he was safe and just needed some time. Izzy had sent him like twelve emojis consisting of love hearts which had made him grin at, like he could feel her deep love for him through the phone. Max had sent him a thumbs up, probably unsure what exactly he should say or do and right now that was the best he could offer. Jace's message had made a soft laugh escape Alec's lips. His message was a very straightforward 'I'm here for you' but had ended it with a 'even if I'm locked up again' and sent him an emoji which looked like it was behind bars.

Alec jerked from his thoughts when he heard his phone ringing, heart lurching as he carefully picked it up to see the caller ID flashing on the screen.

It was Raphael.

Alec took in a deep breaths, wondering how much the IT company president was going to grill him over what had happened. Maybe even a bit of 'I told you so'.

"Alec?" Said man jerked, not even realise he had answered the call and had his phone against his ear, but had creepily not been saying anything and had just been breathing through the microphone.

"Hey," What else could he say?

"What's going on? Why have you ignored my calls? And where are you?" Sometimes Alec was still shocked that someone like Raphael seemed to have befriended him, and worried for him too. Raphael didn't seem like the most open man, or a man to befriend a lot of people, and yet somehow they had formed a friendship. The man was practically selfless, almost like Alec was too. Perhaps that is why they also got on, along with their close ties to Magnus and his children... Well, what Alec used to have with Magnus and his children. He wondered if Raphael would still be his friend after all this.

"I just needed some time alone. I'm fine."

"Fine? You didn't look fine when you ran away from the kids and I. When are you coming back?" Alec felt his heart plummet. "The kids keep asking about you."

"I'm not." He said it so softly, because even Alec didn't want to hear it.

"What do you mean you're not coming back? Alec, what's going on?"

"Its done. Every thing is over."

"Over? What are you talking about?" Alec could hear the confusion in Raphael's deep voice. Had Magnus not told him anything? It'd nearly been a week since the two of them had parted ways.

"Magnus..." Alec took in some shuddering breaths, feeling his eyes prickle with tears. "He let me go." Alec practically choked on the words. It was the first time he was saying them aloud since he collapsed in his grandparents driveway.

"Alec..."

"Magnus and I broke up." Alec bit into his bottom lip. He didn't know when he started crying, feeling his face flush at how pathetic he was and how embarrassing all of this was too as he cried over the phone to his ex-boyfriends brother! Alec's flood gates opened and he began to spill the beans to Raphael. Not about what he and Magnus talked about, but about the whole Camille situation, the fact her mind games, her placing a wedge between them had worked. She had won and there was nothing Alec could do about it because Magnus was done with him. Alec hated how he was feeling, how he truly didn't understand how everything became so fucked up, how he wanted more time to talk to Magnus, to understand him better, understand everything that had happened and not to let go so easily, but what was done was done. Alec had no fight left in him. His heart had been broken by the very one he had wanted to give it to, had already technically given it to, without truly realising it.

Perhaps, in some way, Alec wondered if this was how Magnus had felt with Camille. Freely giving her his heart and yet she had stomped on it. Magnus had done just that to him too. Granted their circumstances were different, Alec was not a cheater. Never in a million years would he ever play with a persons heart like that witch, but the feeling was all the same. He'd given himself over to Magnus, freely, willingly, and his bubble of happiness had started to pop the minute Camille started digging her manipulative claws in.

Oh how Alec wished he could turn back time, back to when Asmodeus and Raphael were trying to tell him that keeping this secret, away from Magnus, was not a good call. They were meant to be a couple. Were meant to be in this together and to figure any issues out together. Alec had kept it hidden, kept Magnus in the dark. Now he was paying for his mistake. Of course that wasn't the only reasons, but for Alec it was the start of their downfall. If he'd just been truthful...

Alec sniffled as Raphael seemed to be muttering away over the phone. He didn't understand any of it, he was speaking in his mother tongue and had recalled Catarina stating when Raphael was angry, he reverted to Spanish.

"Don't be mad at him." Alec croaked out, his voice having gone dry and crackly as he hadn't realised just how much he had been talking. How much he had been sharing with Raphael until it was all out. "Magnus needs you."

"Idiot!" Alec jerked in his seated position at that rather uncharacteristic shout.

"Raph? What are you..." Alec never did get any further when the man cut the call and just hung up on him! Alec looked at his phone a little worriedly, wondering what the man was going to do, but then maybe he was calling him an idiot instead? Alec didn't know, but there was no use over thinking it. He was actually quite drained after that conversation and uncurled himself from the window seat and crawled back into bed, covers lifting over his head as he tried to drown out his thoughts, squash his feelings and fall deeper into the darkness surrounding him.

#

(Back in New York...)

Raphael was a man on a mission. With Madzie back at school and the boys attending part time 'big school' as they called it, he had quickly called 'Biscuit and Bane' to see whether Magnus was working today. When Clary advised today was his day off, he knew exactly where his brother would be and headed on over to the Brownstone.

Not even bothering to knock, Raphael pulled out his spare key to Magnus' place and unlocked the door, it slamming behind him, the force almost echoing throughout the apartment because Raphael was mad. Magnus had not told him anything that was going on. Hiding everything from him. Lying to him that Alec had gone away of his own free will to spend time with family for a bit and had been masking his own emotions and the fact that he had broken up with the man instead!

It didn't take long for Raphael to find Magnus sitting on his lounge and went charging over.

"Eres un idiota?" He stood there practically glaring down at his older brother who raised his gaze to look up at him. Magnus was not wearing any make-up, no armour to cover the circles under his eyes, the drained sunken in cheeks, the several days old stubble which was not methodically trimmed to perfection if he decided to grow a goatee. Nor could Magnus hide the defeated, haunting look in his eyes.

"What are you doing here?"

"Do you think I'm an idiot? Do you think I don't know what is going on?" Granted Raphael had to be told what was happening even though he knew something was up, though he hadn't realised just how bad everything was!

"Raph, I'm not in the mood for your cryptic ways."

"Do you think I'm in the mood for yours?" Brown-golden orbs lifted to look at him. "You lied to me. You said everything was fine. You said Alec was away seeing family."

"He is."

"No he isn't!" Raphael ground out. "You broke up with him." He voiced matter-o-factly, gauging Magnus' reaction as his eyes shifted to his clenched hands in his lap. "Why?" Raphael quietly asked. "A blind man can see just how good the two of you are together." Raphael huffed out. "Why the hell have you broken it off with him?"

"He can do so much better."

"Eres un cobarde!" Raphael snapped in his native tongue. Magnus' eyes widened at how exasperated Raphael was right now.

"I told him Raph."

"Told him what?" Raphael was still standing, arms folded over his business suit.

"Everything." Raphael gulped down the lump in his throat, arms dropping to his sides.

"You told him about how you used to..." He died off as Magnus gave him a firm nod from his defeated sitting position on the couch. Alec hadn't told Raphael that part when he was spilling the beans over the phone. Even with being broken up, Alec was still trying to protect Magnus. Even from his own brother.

"I told him about the abuse, the raping, being homeless, selling myself, the stripping, the prostituting, escort services... Everything."

"What... What did he do?" Raphael took a seat on the coffee table in front of Magnus.

"He listened. He quietly listened to me just shouting at him through it all. He forced my hand because of that." Dark eyes shifted down to an opened envelope on the coffee table.

"What's in it?"

"Blank paper."

"I don't understand."

"Camille gave it to Alec, saying it contained my past." Raphael was well aware of all of Magnus' past, especially when he set up his own professional services and several of his clients really liked to photograph their sexual activities. He assumed that the envelope was meant to contain pictures of Magnus in quite compromising sexual situations. "I didn't want to open up to Alec, I wasn't ready, but he forced my hand when he wanted to open it." Magnus let out a tired laugh. "We fell right into her trap. This is what she wanted. Everything had been bottled within in me for so many years and it all came pouring out. Camille won."

"Magnus..." Raphael placed his hand on Magnus' knee. "Forget her for the moment, what did Alec say about it all?" Because that is what truly mattered here. Camille be damned, the one that could make or break Magnus was Alec.

"Nothing." His eyebrows furrowed at that. "I...never gave him the chance. After I shouted out everything, I needed time to think. And so did he. When we finally did chat, I ended it with him."

"Magnus... I know you've never been that open with anyone but..."

"Aside from you."

"I'm not a lover. You've never placed yourself out there like that. You never even told Cat or Ragnor about all that stuff."

"I told Camille." Raphael frowned. He knew what she had done to him, even with what Magnus had confessed earlier too. "For some reason I thought she might have understood me for a single moment back then. I was such a fool..." The younger man let out a sigh.

"I don't know what it feels like to love so implicitly. To open up so fully and shed your deepest, darkest secrets to someone you love and then to have them mock and ridicule you for the choices you made back then in desperation. She shouldn't have done that to you. She shouldn't have treated you the way she continuously did."

"Raph..."

"If I had of known back then, what you were doing to yourself, I would have pulled you away from that, made you come and stay with me."

"You were still young Raph, still living with Mama and Rosa. I was also in Chicago remember?"

"So? You're family to us. You could have taken a gap year or whatever and we would have looked after you." Magnus gave a tiny smile at that.

"I didn't want to taint any of you with my...filth."

"Magnus..." Sad brown-golden orbs drifted up to look at Raphael. "We would never treat you that way. We aren't Camille. We'd want to protect you. I mean Mama may have smacked you upside the head for even thinking we would turn you away, but then she'd mutter away about her boys making her worry and she'd hug you so tight you would think your bones would break. Afterwards, you know she would go make you an almond cake to cheer you up." Magnus let out a soft chuckle at that, picturing Mama Santiago doing everything Raphael had said.

"Its for the best though, letting Alexander go."

"Is it? You look like shit."

"Thanks Raph." Magnus sarcastically replied.

"I'm not taking back what I said about you being a coward."

"I know."

"Do you realise you are also insulting Alec?" Magnus darted his gaze up. "He's not Camille." Raphael watched those eyes drop down to his clenched hands in his lap. "She really needs to just be a blip in your memory bank, a bad moment in a time to just accept what happened, but not a time to define who you are. Alec knows what happened now, but Magnus, cutting ties with him, dumping him is not the answer here." Raphael placed his hand over Magnus' making him look up at him once more. "Alec is not Camille." He repeated himself.

"Raph..."

"I spoke to him." Magnus' mouth dropped open. "I didn't know what was going on and quite frankly I think he feels a bit the same. He's so confused and hurt Magnus. You're his very first relationship and he doesn't understand how its all ended like this." Magnus parted his lips. "I take that back, he sort of knows why. He kept his secret from you, of what Camille was doing, but you've kept much from him too. I'm sure he is shocked about what you have revealed. Granted I didn't know you'd shared all your past with him, because Alec didn't walk about that with me, still wanting to protect you even from me." Magnus chewed on his lip hearing that. "Now knowing all of you, Alec probably thought he would have time to understand it all, even ask questions if he had any, and would hope you would be open and honest with him from now on, but instead of that, you ended up dumping him! Rejecting him! You made him feel worthless!"

"I..."

"As embarrassing as it was for him, he needed to talk to someone, to let out all his feelings right now, trying to figure out why its all gone so horribly wrong." Raphael knew this next part was going to knock the wind out of his brother, but he needed to hear it. "He cried Magnus." Brown-golden orbs darted up. "I'm not even sure if I could actually call it crying. He was filled with utter grief, gut wrenching, like what the two of you had was now dead. Like it could never be fixed. Like he was grieving for a lost loved one."

"Oh god..."

"He tried not to show his hurt, because no one likes being weak in front of anyone, or over the phone in this case, but sometimes you can't help it." Raphael watched Magnus' shaking hands move up to cover his lips, eyes watering. "You've broken his heart Magnus." Raphael really wasn't one for upsetting his brother, always wanting to be on his side, but he wasn't about to gloss over any wrongs that Magnus had done in his life either. Yes he would always be there for him, but he also needed the truth told to him too. "I don't know if he'll ever forgive you for that." Raphael watched a tear cascade down Magnus' cheek. "Magnus... Why? Why have you done this?"

"I... I'm terrible for him. I'm a bad person. A bad partner. If Alexander stays with me...I'll destroy him. Everything I touch...breaks."

"Magnus..."

"I've... I've let him be free."

"What does that even mean? Free of what exactly? Of being with you and the kids? Wanting to protect the four of you from anything and everything? Making the four of you so insanely happy and in turn making himself ridiculously happy too? I see the hearts floating around the both of you and it makes me want to gag, but guess what, it was also wonderful to see you like that too. You and the kids." Shimmering brown-golden eyes looked up at him once more. "Why the hell would you give him up Magnus? Alec is the best damn thing that has ever happened to you and you're just throwing it away! Throwing him away!"

"Raph please..."

"No, you know what, you need to listen. I'm done with playing nice!" Magnus' eyebrows furrowed. "Enough with the smoke and mirrors bullshit. This is me here. You don't need to put up walls in front of me. Face the facts that Alec is everything you've ever hoped for in a partner. Aside from having the right combination you have come to like so much with the black hair and blue eyes, he's got to be the most courteous, sweet and gentle partner you've ever had!" Raphael's voice was rising. "Granted I know you are his first relationship which just shows how inexperienced he is, but even if he was a guy with a lot of experience behind him, I still think Alec would be sweet, gentle and shy around you. Because you bring that out in him. He knows he can be himself with you. You make him feel safe. You brought him to life Magnus and now you've torn him down." Magnus' mouth parted open. "Stop beating around the bush and being such a coward and own up to it already! Own up to the fact he is the best damn partner you've ever had. Just do us all a favour, get over yourself and admit that you love him. Own it!" Raphael's voice increased in volume, something it rarely did as it boomed around the apartment.

"Alright!" Magnus shouted back. "I fucked up! I got scared! I broke our hearts! Are you happy now?" Magnus heaved for breath. "I always place on an act because deep down, if anyone truly knew who I was, if Alexander knew how fucked up I am, how imperfect I am, he'd never want me!Well now he knows and that's why I had to let him go!"

"Magnus..."

"Its better for me to make him so appalled at having ever associated and dated me that its easier doing it that way on my terms instead of hearing him tell it to my face. I'm so in love with him that I'm so scared of rejection and I know if Alec truly said those very words, of being repulsed and disgusted in me, I would never be able to love ever again! That's how much I love him. I love him so much I'm probably never going to love like this again! Is that what you want to hear Raph?"

"Yes." Magnus was breathing harshly, painful tears dripping off his chin.

The sudden distraught and knowing look on Magnus' face had him crashing even more, Raphael watching his brother shove his face into his hands. He'd never seen him looking so utterly broken before. Not even with all his past demons had Magnus ever crumpled into despair like this.

"What have I done?" Magnus sobbed out.

Raphael immediately dropped to his knees in front of his brother and pulled him into a tight hug.

"Its going to be alright Magnus." His brother was literally shaking in his arm. "Please Magnus, you need help." Raphael softly confessed. "Me and the kids, Cat and Ragnor, we can't help you. You need to help you and being able to help yourself, you need to talk to someone about all of this."

"I can't just... I've the kids and the gallery and..."

"Don't make excuses like that Magnus." Raphael softly voiced into Magnus' ear. "You know Cat and I will help. You know that Clary will do an extra shift or two or three so you can go to appointments. I'm not telling you to get locked up at Idris again, whilst sometimes I think it helped you, sometimes I think you used it to get away from your responsibilities. To just hide away from the world. This time, you need to seek help differently. Dedicate some time for regular therapy sessions and commit to them." Raphael pulled gently away, observing Magnus nod his head against his chest as he was trying to get his ragged breathing under control. "If you need a recommendation, I know someone who could help." Magnus looked up then, brushing his hands over his face and not caring about how god awful he probably looked with his wrecked eye-liner.

"When you say you know someone..."

"When things get tough, when it all starts to build up in my head, I need an outlet. I go and speak to him. He has a colleague, in case you would fill awkward about using the same professional therapist I do."

"Raph, are you alright?" The younger man smiled at his brother as his hands gripped his in worry, having completely missed if anything was ever troubling him and he immediately saw the guilt in Magnus' gaze.

"I'm fine."

"Are you though?"

"You know its hard for me to let anyone in." Magnus nodded his head, forgetting about his current situation for a moment as his eyes filled with worry for his brother. "I'd already seen what alcohol did to someone I love and I wasn't going down that route at all." Magnus dropped his gaze for a moment at that, knowing Raphael was referring to him. "I was driving around one day and saw this small little office in Queens and I just headed in. I needed an unbiased opinion about everything going on in my head and I just started talking. Whether it be from when my father left, to the depression Mama had at being abandoned by her husband and left with two kids to raise on her own, to when Rosa was being abused and I never saw it."

"Oh Raph..."

"I can live with it now, live with all of it, but I'll never forgive my father for what he did to us. He could be dead for all I know and I would feel no sadness for him. He's already dead to me anyway." Raphael shrugged at that. "As for Rosa, she was silently crying out for help and I never saw it."

"We never saw it." Magnus correct his brother. "I mean I did eventually, but we are her brothers together Raph. You blame yourself. I blame myself too. We're in this together." Raphael gave him a nod.

"I've even talked about having to painfully watch you and your father interact over the years as well. I can talk about how I want things to be better between you because he's still here Magnus." Brown-golden orbs lifted to Raphael's dark eyes once more. "My father is never coming back, he abandoned us completely and I can never have that relationship, but you, you get another chance. You both do, but your both still caught up in the past and not taking this chance by the horns."

"I..."

"This isn't just about your father though. I know what the past has done to you Magnus, believe me I do, but even in such times, look where you are now. Even though I know back then you thought of it, but in the end, you never gave up and that right there is strength and courage. So don't start giving up now. We're all here for you. Your father is here for you. I know he's like twenty years late, but he's here Magnus." He watched his eyes drop to his clenched hands in his lap once more. "I can't control your life. I can't shift you into the direction I want you to go in because I'm nothing but a spectator, but I want you to get control of your life again. I just can't imagine a world without you in it."

"Raph..."

"I hate what happened to you when you were a child. I hate what you had to do in order to survive." Magnus raised his gaze to Raphael once more. "I hate your catastrophic relationship with Camille and the pull she still has over you after all this time. You'll never be able to accept yourself and live with everything that has happened if you don't talk to someone about it all. Its not a weakness to admit to what has happened. Don't let your past win Magnus."

"Raph... I..."

"I talk about the kids too." Magnus watched a tiny grin form on his brother's lips. "How thankful that in all the stresses I have, they are my light in my darkest times. My little Madz and my cheeky boys, they truly are the closest I'm ever going to get to having children of my own and I'm so thankful you trust me with them so much."

"Oh god..." Magnus' hands were over his mouth again. "Oh god I've been so selfish."

"Magnus no..."

"I've relied on you so much and selfishly have not been making sure you are alright. What kind of big brother am I?"

"I'm alright Magnus. Truly I am. I've accepted everything about myself. I don't need to be perfect because life isn't meant to be perfect. That would be far too easy. Rather boring too." Magnus let out a tiny chuckle at that since that is something he constantly said to Raph when he was in his teens. "I accept who I am and how I feel."

"And just who are you and how do you feel?" Magnus softly asked, desperate to know what his brother had been thinking over all these years.

"I am Raphael Santiago, a poor kid who was rejected, along with his mother and sister by his father, his own flesh and blood. I lost my childhood to become the man of the house and look after those that I love, pulling them from their own grief and depression and placing one foot in front of the other once more. I am a company president who works the most insane hours and yet still I can find time for personal matters too. It helps me to realise that work isn't everything. I also know in certain circumstances I need to be fair, but I also know I have to be firm and sometimes ruthless too. I must ensure to succeed in life and keep my company afloat as I have over 300 staff under my care, and my company is still growing. I now accept that I am human and I have faults. After all, I didn't see what was happening to Rosa."

"Raph, what happened isn't your fault."

"I know, but I promised myself from that day onward I wouldn't let that happen again. Rosa would never have to feel that type of fear ever again." Raphael raised his dark eyes, determination as clear as day in them. "I don't want you to ever feel such fear or pain like that ever again too."

"Oh Raph..."

"I know I'm never going to truly understand the horrors you have been through when you were a little boy, nor do I know the desperation you felt and what you had to do whilst living on the streets and what you did in Chicago too. I also know I'm never going to love someone like you do. I'll never give my heart so freely, the way you do. I could never... I could never..." Raphael was having a hard time explaining himself. "I'm not built like you Magnus. I can't offer myself the way you do. I can't love like you do. That took me a long time to accept."

"You love just fine Raphael." Magnus cupped his brother's face with both hands. "Your love is perfect. It isn't something for just one person, you've been able to spread your love and your heart between Mama, Rosa and I. As the years have gone on, you've expanded your love again and given bits of it to my kids, Cat, Ragnor and now Samuel. Maybe, if I can be a little bold, perhaps you've given a little to Alexander too." Magnus gave his brother a small smile. "There is plenty of love in that heart of yours so never forget that and never believe it isn't enough. Alright?" Raphael gave a slight nod as Magnus pressed their foreheads together for a moment.

"I talk about you a lot too." Magnus broke the contact between them, shifting his eyes up to him once more. "How proud I am that you picked me of all the people in this world to be your little brother." Magnus felt his eyes water at that. "I talk about how angry you make me and yet how happy you make me too." Raphael gave a sheepish grin at his confession. "I talk about how no one on this planet makes me laugh like you do."

"You never laugh." Magnus grinned and watched Raphael do the same. He knew he was talking about on the inside but he had to have a dig at him for the mountain of confessions Raphael was spilling forth after all the years they had been together.

"I talk about how life has been treating you and the kids, the ups and downs you've been through and what I've had to witness. I've even spoken about all the changes that has happened over the past few months too. About how you've changed and how it has everything to do with Alec."

"Raph, please..."

"You're my family Magnus. I'm very protective of what is mine and I don't hand it over easily to others because whilst you are scared of a potential partner hurting you, I'm scared of a potential partner hurting you." Misty brown-golden orbs looked up into darker eyes "I so want you to be happy and you haven't been that way in a very long time. Maybe not since you spent those two years with your father."

"I've been happy."

"When the kids were born yes, but in those two years you had with your father, he was there for you. You finally had someone who thought only of you. That is what you desire Magnus. To be number one in someone's life. Madz and the boys, as happy as you are with them, they can't be that for you. Yes you are their beloved Papa, but they don't understand what's going on. They don't understand what you truly desire. What would make you so very happy."

"I'm happy." Magnus repeated and observed Raphael roll his eyes.

"Please, I know your fake smiles anywhere." Magnus blinked at his brother. "I knew the minute it changed though. The minute you were so insanely happy that I had to start preparing myself to let you go."

"What are you talking about?"

"When you are happy, you have this...this spark in you. It lights up your entire being. That spark is with you when you are with Alec." Magnus' heart thundered in his chest, eyes a little wide.

"Raph..."

"Shut up and listen." Magnus snapped his mouth closed.

"I've never liked your partners." Magnus' lips parted. "Yeah, yeah Cat and Dot exempt, but the others I saw you with, all you hid was hide behind a mask. I know you did it to protect yourself, but even I know that isn't great in a relationship and I haven't had many of those over the years."

"Raph..."

"I never trusted them with you and don't even get me started on Camille."

"I've seen the light with her Raph."

"Have you? Because it sure as hell looks like you haven't. She still controls you." Magnus had no come back for that. "You have the biggest heart I know and it is your Achilles. You love unconditionally, you want to share the world and everything in it with the one you love, but when you place yourself out there, you have a terrible habit of picking the worst suitors who do nothing but trample your heart. Its why I have a hard time trusting people with you. I don't want you to get hurt. You and the kids." Magnus' shock simmered down.

"Raphael, we'll be fine. I'll be fine."

"You were going to be fine. You were going to be better then fine because finally, after all this time, after all these relationships and one night stands, you met Alec. He's different from anyone you have ever been with. Plus there is one thing that aside from Cat and Dot, no one has ever gotten before."

"What is that?"

"Me liking them." Magnus' eyes widened at that.

"What?"

"I like Alec." Raphael could see the shock on Magnus' face. "You know me Magnus, I am not someone that likes people. He's different though. He's open, honest and sweet, even to a fault, but nevertheless, he's real. He brought back that spark buried deep within you." Raphael took in a deep breath as what he was about to say now would probably shock his brother even more. "If you don't fix this, if you don't beg and beg and beg some more, for Alec's forgiveness, I'll never forgive you for hurting him." Magnus jerked his gaze back to his deadly serious orbs. "With everything that has happened to you, I have never trusted anyone with you or the kids. Ever."

"Raph..."

"Until Alec came along." Magnus gulped down the lump in his throat. "I'm always cautious about your love interests because you have had so many. I'm always concerned about who next is going to rip your heart out." Raphael sighed softly. "I never want to see you like that again. You died that day you finally ended things with Camille. We thought you'd be alright, but that was our naïve wishful thinking. We should have seen the signs. We should have known things were not right. She still has her claws in you, which is why I really want you to talk to someone. Talk to someone about her, Cat and Dot. Maybe even any others that you thought you could have had something with but it all ended too early." Raphael watched Magnus' eyes drop to the floorboards. "Honestly Magnus, I was loosing hope that you would never move past Camille and yet Alec gave me that hope. He's always been good to you, good to the kids. He's faithful Magnus. You've never had faithful like that. You've never been faithful yourself, not until he came along."

"I..." Raphael gripped his hands.

"He's the one Magnus."

"Raph... You don't understand."

"Oh I think I understand plenty. I'm just not being a coward like you and denying the facts that we have here." Raphael watched Magnus frown at that. "Do you know how serious I know he was about you? How much I'm sure he was in this for the long haul?" Magnus raised his gaze to his brother and watched him pull what looked like packets of seeds from his inner jacket pocket. Raphael had seen Alec drop them days ago and he'd gone to pick them up, kept them all this time and had no idea what they were for. Now he knew because Alec had blurted it out over the phone. "These were going to be a present to you, helping him with his confession. Only someone truly unique would think to do it this way, incorporating your knowledge of flowers, even though you don't really show that side of you that much. You would have loved it...if only you didn't screw it up that is." Raphael pulled a card from his pocket placing it on top of the packets as he shoved them into Magnus' hands and then stood up. "Please make an appointment." Raphael pressed his lips to Magnus' head. "I love you brother."

When the front door clicked closed, Magnus gazed down at his shaking hands, the business card dropping to the floorboards as he looked over the seedlings for white carnations, calla lilies and red roses. A sob broke out through the quiet of the apartment, Magnus slapping a hand over his mouth and clutched the seed packets to his chest as tears streaked down his cheeks and dripped off his chin.

For the first time in a very long time, Magnus cried like he'd never cried before.

He'd just run away from the best thing that had ever happened to him.

#

(Days pass...)

"Come on Cuddle-bug, lets get you out and about." Alec shifted his eyes over to his grandmother, once again sitting on the window seat under a blanket that kept him warm along with the crackling fire. "You cannot stay cooped up in here any longer. Your grandfather and I will not have it." She voiced a little sternly.

"But..."

"Please?" The pleading face was quickly working its charm on Alec. "I need help feeding the chickens and collecting the eggs. What do you say?" He could see the worry, the love, the care and the hope in her pretty green eyes.

"Sure." He watched his grandmother's smile light up her face, relief flooding her face. He had really worried the both of them and would have to apologise about it soon. "I'll take a shower and get dressed." That seemed to please his grandmother as Alec did as he said he would, coming downstairs with socks and sneakers in hand roughly twenty minutes later.

"I placed your phone on charge for you, we've the same one and I noticed the battery was quite low." Alec gave a nod as he hadn't brought his own charger with him. Obviously since he had fled Magnus' place with nothing but the clothes on his back. "How about trying some more toast?" His appetite was still poor, but Alec was eating more then just crackers and fruit now so that was a good sign things were on the mend. At least for his stomach that is.

"How about we have some scrambled eggs after collecting the eggs? I'll even make them for us." He watched his grandparents smile widely at him for his offer. Andrew was sitting at the dining table, in his open plan country kitchen, reading the newspaper and sipping at a freshly brewed coffee and was really pleased his wife had gotten their grandson downstairs.

Phoebe and Alec headed outside, she muttering about needing to water the plants and had shooed Alec off, telling him to head for the chicken coop as she passed him a bucket of salad and veggie scraps and some chicken feed.

When twenty minutes had gone by, she did get a little worried as it never took that long to feed chickens and collect eggs. She entered the large coop to see her grandson kneeling down, hands cupped with seed and right there, feeding out of his hands, were three fluffy little chicks.

"The babies aren't afraid of you." Phoebe voiced the obvious. They never did what they were doing with Alec with her.

"They're so cute."

"They are very adorable." Phoebe agreed with her grandson and watched Alec's lips turn into a frown. "What is it Cuddle-bug?" When she got closer, the chicks scurried off, back to their parent for safety.

"I miss the kids." Alec softly confessed.

"I know you do." She brushed her hand through his messy hair before picking up the now empty bucket of scraps and also the basket which now contained 12 eggs. "Come on, lets get inside where its nice and warm." Phoebe coaxed her grandson back to his feet as they headed inside, back into the kitchen where they made scrambled eggs together.

#

That is how Alec's days passed, collecting the eggs, playing with the chicks who seemed to have grown attached to him and then residing in the bedroom upstairs, curled on the window seat and thinking about Magnus and the children.

Ten days had already passed since he and Magnus parted ways.

A knock at the door drew Alec's attention away from the ocean.

"Cuddle-bug, your phone has been vibrating." Phoebe walked in with the contraption, holding it out to him. He'd turned it to vibrate because he just wanted peace and tranquillity which is what the farmhouse was providing him. He had thought of turning it off outright, but never did in case something happened to his siblings.

"I already told Jace, Izzy and Max I just needed some time to..." He watched a look pass over his grandmothers facial features. "What is it?"

"It wasn't them."

"Then who?" Perhaps Raphael was ringing him again, maybe to finish the conversation they never had ended after he voiced 'idiot' and then hung up.

"Its Magnus." Alec felt his heartbeat quicken, though his eyebrows furrowed as he looked down at his home screen which was a picture of Magnus' children and the phone icon had '4' missed calls against it.

"Why would he call me?" Alec voiced in confusion. "He broke up with me." Those words still felt horrid against his lips. Alec was still hoping it was all a nightmare that he would awaken from, but the days had nearly turned into two weeks and nothing had changed. He still woke alone.

"Maybe this is all just a big misunderstanding? A lot has happened in such a short period of time. Maybe things were moving too quickly and you both need to just take a step back and reassess? That does happen Cuddle-bug. There is always ups and downs in a relationship, but communication is key."

"That's the problem."

"What is?"

"We didn't communicate well at all." Alec softly confessed.

"Then learn from your mistakes. Its the only way you'll both grow as a couple." Alec lifted his gaze to look up at his grandmother, her warm tiny hand cupping his face. "I'm certain he still cares for you."

"How do you know?" His question was so soft, so confused and heartbroken that her fingers rose and brushed through his unkempt hair, trying to sooth the look on her grandsons face.

"I was there. I saw the way he looked at you. Magnus really cares about you Cuddle-bug. I'd say he even loves you." Alec's cheeks flushed instantly.

"We never even..." Whilst they had finally confessed they liked each other, which had been the best Christmas present Alec had ever gotten in his life, but a love confession would have topped the cake, would have made him fly to the moon and back, but sadly he'd never gotten one. Not that Alec was really expecting it, since no one had ever loved him like that and he still thought he wasn't all that special or anything. Plus they hadn't been together all that long either. Do people really fall in love that quickly? Had he fallen in love?

"Just because it isn't confessed in words, doesn't mean it wasn't there." Alec chewed on his bottom lip, thinking those very words over in his head.

"I think... I think I wanted to say it. I just didn't know how to go about it. Would it seem all too fast? Would he think I was moving too fast? Do you just blurt it out or do you offer up some grand spectacle like dinner, dancing and fireworks? Should you prepare some grand speech that leads into it instead? Do others have to be around to hear you say it? Or do you just sit down and say it, no need for theatrics? What is the right way to say it?" Phoebe smiled gently at her grandson.

"There is no right or wrong way in saying it Cuddle-bug, as long as you say it from your heart. Love isn't always going to be easy, but it doesn't have to be messy and complicated, my darling." She listened to Alec take in a shuddering breath and then exhale is shakily. "What is it?"

"Magnus used to call me that." Alec shifted his gaze to look out the window. "I used to feel like...like I belonged. He made me feel like I belonged. For the first time ever, I was someone that mattered."

"You are someone that matters Alec." His gaze shifted back to his grandmother. "If Magnus was the one to help bring that out in you, make you understand that, then I will forever be grateful to him." She sat down on part of the window seat that was free since Alec's knees were drawn up to his chest. "You do matter and you are loved, very much, with or without a significant other at your side at this moment." The room fell quiet, Alec mulling over his grandmothers words, closing his eyes for a moment.

"Grams," He could feel the threat of tears once more, behind his closed eyelids. He was so emotionally exhausted, feeling so very raw and battered and bruised. His heart ached and Alec wasn't sure if it'd ever feel right again, but he knew what he felt and he needed someone to hear it lest he burst. "I... I loved him." Phoebe's hand rested against one of his knees, his eyes shyly opening up to look at her. Alec knew there would be a flush on his cheeks and he was still so very amazed that there was no disgust in her eyes, posture or expression.

"Past tense?" Phoebe softly questioned.

"No." Alec shook his head, his gave locked onto his grandmother's, both pairs were sparkling with tears and Alec's held a fire within them that hadn't been there for days. "I'm in love with Magnus." Hearing his own words echo about the bedroom made the weight lift from his shoulders and heart. It actually had Alec smiling. "I love him Grams. By the angel, I love him so much!" Phoebe smiled back at her grandson opening up to her. "I... I've never been in love before. It's probably silly."

"Not at all. Lightwood's like us, especially like you and your grandfather, you love but once, and fiercely too. I'm blessed that for your grandfather he choose me to be the love of his life. As for you Cuddle-bug..."

"Its Magnus." Alec softly confessed, cheeks warming, eyes rising to look at his grandmother, a tiny little smile reaching his lips once more. "Its only ever going to be Magnus for me."

"What are you going to do about it then?" Blue and green eyes shot over to the doorway.

"Gramps!" Alec went a little redder in the face. Andrew walked into the bedroom and over to Alec, placing his hand atop his head. "Well my boy, what are you going to do about it?" The couple watched their grandson grip his phone and then he pulled the blanket off.

"I need to talk to Magnus face to face." When Alec rose to his wobbly legs, his grandmother was there to steady him a little. "I have to see him. I need to understand why he broke things off with me."

"Maybe not right now. Its getting dark out there and I will be so worried if you drove back now." Alec shifted his gaze out the window to see the last glimpses of the sun dropping past the horizon. "Come have some dinner with us. Even if you only have a little bit. You can start afresh tomorrow, head back to New York then." Phoebe offered up.

"Sorry I've not really been a good guest."

"You've helped with the chickens and cooking with me. That is plenty."

"Besides, we'll have plenty of time for that in the future. Hopefully everything will work out and the next time you come back, you won't be alone." Andrew's comment got his grandson blushing sweetly, but his little assertive nod gave them hope as Alec hugged the both of them tight.

The older Lightwood's were certain Alec and Magnus were just meant to be.

#

Alec's return to New York the next day had not gone according to his plans. A fierce storm lashed the coast and he was stuck at the farmhouse longer.

Reception services had been a bit hit and miss for cell phones and even the power had gone out, but they were fine. They had a gas cooker, plenty of water and food and a roaring fire. When the power came back on and telecommunications were restored, Alec had missed another call from Magnus, making his heart leap in his chest. He hadn't done a quick hang up and in actual fact there was a thirty second message that was left. Not that it was much of a message when all that could be heard was Magnus' breathing, some faint music in the background and then another whisper of 'Alexander' before Magnus hung up. If he didn't know who it was, Alec would have found it creepy and deleted it. However, knowing it was Magnus, the man who always had a word to say about anything and everything and yet he couldn't put two words together at all right now, Alec had actually fallen asleep to the message on repeat, just listening to Magnus' breathing, the music and the whisper of his name like he was right at his side, lying in the bed next to him.

When the day finally came, the weather easing, Alec almost felt like his heart had eased as well. Of course it still ached. He could still hear Magnus' soft tone telling him he had to 'let him go'. He wasn't about to forget that any time soon.

However, it was time to go back. It was time to get some answers.

#

Nearly two weeks had passed. His constant crying had ceased, he had even helped out even more, baking cakes, cookies and slices with his grandmother, smiling when she gave him copies of her recipes that were handed down to her from her grandmother, and as they baked away, his grandfather looked on fondly. Andrew had even sneakily recorded Phoebe and Alec so the family back in Canada could see how close the two of them were becoming after such a long time apart. Andrew's prays had been answered. His darling sweet wife had gotten her Cuddle-bug back.

During the bad weather Alec constantly tended to the chickens, cleaning out the coop, packing it with more straw and hay and fluffing up their nests as best he could. He didn't like them being cold, but his grandmother said they were resilient and so his worrying was unnecessary. He wasn't so sure about that when the three little chicks started breaking out of the coop and following him around the yard! In the end they had found the hole, patched it up and he had shooed his three little chicks back inside, back into the warmth and towards their mother who was nesting away, seemingly nonchalant about her babies wandering around with his human self.

Alec had even helped his grandfather in the garage as the man was "tinkering" as he called it with a 1969 Camero SS, triple black in colour. Wind and rain lashed outside the rickety garage, but it remained standing as Alec sat on a stack of tyes and quietly watched his grandfather tinker away. Alec wasn't exactly a big car buff, but a teenage Jace had been and thanks to that he was well versed and it was quite the car. He'd even handed out various tools to Andrew when asked of him whilst also getting the life history on Chevrolet.

These past nearly two weeks, Alec was still trying to make sense of it. Not only the whole downward spiral that was his and Magnus' relationship but being with grandparents as well. Alec had never had anything like this, feeling this close to an adult 'father figure' and an adult 'mother figure' too.

Andrew had really topped it off with waking him up at some ungodly hour of the night, dragging him from the bed and up to the attic. Andrew had made him promise not to tell his grandmother about this as Alec silently began to freak out when his grandfather proceeded to climb out the window and up onto the roof! He was quick to follow, hating the thought of his grandfather slipping, falling and breaking his neck.

'I've been doing this since before you were born.' Andrew admonished his grandson before he found the best spot and proceeded to unfold a blanket and then sat down on it. Alec hadn't even realised that the man had brought a bag with him! Andrew had then pulled out a thermos and two plastic cups and another blanket. 'Come on son, get in here.' Alec crawled onto the blanket, sitting down and then cuddled up to his grandfather and accepted the hot chocolate as they sat watching the stars. 'Can't see them in New York like this can you?'

'Its beautiful.' Alec murmured as he sipped at his hot chocolate, feeling all warm inside and not just from the beverage. Andrew wrapped the blanket around Alec's shoulders, tucking his eldest grandson in closer.

'You all snug there, my boy?'

'Mm...' Alec mumbled, a tiny grin on his lips.

'See that there?' Alec followed where his grandfather was pointing and gave him a quiet yes and a nod. 'That's Orion. It was named after a hunter in Greek mythology. Its one of the brightest constellations that can be seen.'

'Wow...'

'That right there is Taurus. It is one of the oldest constellations, dating back to at least the Early Bronze Age.' Andrew clucked his tongue. 'I should have brought up the telescope so I could show you more.'

'This is plenty. Its amazing in fact.' Alec mumbled as he rested his head on his grandfather's shoulder and Andrew grinned. He wanted to take his grandson's mind off of everything for at least a moment.

'We've got plenty of time to look for constellations when you visit again another time.'

'Yes...' Alec softly mumbled, taking another sip of his drink.

'If this weather holds, you'll be able to...' Andrew never did finish as Alec gasped as a shooting star went by. He bent his head, grinning wide to see his boy had placed his drink between his knees and already had his hands in pray and his lips were moving though Andrew couldn't make any of what Alec was saying. Not that he wanted to, for if he did, superstitions dictated it wouldn't come true. And he wanted any and all of his grandsons wishes to come true. Even if he had a slight inkling of what his boy was thinking about, he still hoped all would go well.

'Sorry Gramps, what were you saying?'

'If the weather holds out, you should be able to head back to New York tomorrow.'

'Its nice here though.'

'It is and you are more then welcome to return again and again, but you need to face him, just as you said you wanted to.' Andrew voiced softly. 'You've got to get back on that horse. Your grandmother and I really hope you can work everything out and get that lovely boyfriend of yours back.' Alec ducked his head, chewing on his bottom lip, cheeks lightly flushed but it was pretty pitch black so its not like his grandfather could see it very well. The moonshine wasn't particularly bright this evening, which was a plus so they could see the stars better.

'I don't know how.' Alec softly confessed.

'You'll figure it out.' Everything went silent for a few moments. 'Do you know why it ended how it did?'

'Someone from his past was causing problems. I didn't tell him about it at first.'

'Alec...'

'I know I should have. You think you would have more time to prepare, but then it all boiled over when I least expected it and everything turned to shit.' Alec let out a sigh as he shook his head. 'It wasn't just that though. I pushed Magnus to tell me things. Things about his past which he was just not ready to tell me. I forced his hand. I'm so ashamed of myself for doing that to him.'

'Bad things?' Andrew softly asked.

'Really bad. He's hurting so much.' Andrew sighed as he dropped his head to rest on Alec's. He just knew these two young men were two broken souls that had found each other and were just meant to be, if only they could see that for themselves.

'I think from this breakup, you have both hit rock bottom and now there is only one way but up from here on out. If you want to be with him, then you fight for him and be with him. If you love him, then tell him. No one is a mind reader.'

'My heart...'

'Is an amazingly strong yet also fragile muscle. It can be ripped out, broken and stomped on and miraculously it can be put back together with time, care and a lot of compassion and love.'

'I want that.'

'Want what, my boy?'

'I want to be the one to put Magnus' heart back together.'

'How do you know you hadn't already started doing that before things went wrong?'

'I...'

'If the calm weather holds, head back tomorrow and talk to him. You can't move on from this if you don't truly end things with him.' Alec frowned at that. 'Or you can't move on together if you don't tell him how you truly feel about him.'

'I was going to give him some packets of seeds.'

'Seeds?'

'Magnus knows a lot about flowers and their symbolisms. I had picked three flowers, one that I felt represented me, one that represents Magnus and then one that combined the both of us. At least I hoped it was a combination of both of us. It was going to help me confess.'

'Your grandmother and I know a bit about flowers too, so which ones did you chose, if you don't mind me asking?'

'For me, I chose white carnations, for Magnus it will always be the calla lily and the flower to combine us together, I chose red roses.' Alec blushed. 'I know its silly but...'

'Its lovely Alexander.' His grandson had truly picked well, for the white carnation was a symbol of sweetness, purity and faithfulness. The calla lily, as soon as Alec had said it was for Magnus, Andrew understood why. The man had that presence about him. Then of course, the red roses, the symbol of true love. His grandson was truly a romantic and he hoped he would, sometime soon, in the future when they had worked everything out, he would be able to give those gifts to Magnus. 'It'll work out, my boy, you'll see.' Andrew softly voiced, feeling the tone of a promise in his depths as he pulled Alec even closer to him, wrapped warmly together in the blanket as he would stay up here for a few more minutes and then get down carefully so they didn't get caught by his darling wife.

Unbeknownst to the two men on the roof, sitting by the window, on the desk in the attic, with a cup of tea in hand was Phoebe, smiling up at the roof listening to her husband and her adorable Cuddle-bug.

Just like her husband, she knew things couldn't end like this. She was certain these young men were destined for great things.

#

(Back to the present)

Alec got off the I-95 making his way back to Brooklyn, back to where it had all began.

#

(Magnus' Apartment)

Magnus was currently standing out on his balcony, dressed in the pyjamas and slippers Alec had gotten him for Christmas, one hand in the pants pocket, fingering the item he always kept on his person no matter what he was wearing whilst his other hand held a glass of double scotch. It was his second one.

With the glass door wide open, a chill in the air, Magnus felt like he couldn't even feel it as he stood out there without a sweater, jacket or coat of some kind on. His body felt numb, his head and heart a complete mess.

He could hear the music on the radio station on his stereo, but it seemed to be going faint, like something was wrong with his hearing, like the sound was going in and out. Never mind the fact his vision was starting to blur at the edges and no amount of blinking was correcting it. Perhaps it was just more tears welling up as the song currently playing really fit his current circumstances and was making him feel quite lethargic.

I used to see in color
Now it's just a wave of gray
Feel it pull me under
Drowning in the disarray

There's no escape

Everything is closing in
Everything is closing in
Light is slowly growing dim
Feels like everything is closing in

A fraction of a memory
Pieces of a dream long gone
I can see it slipping
All that's left of me is gone

Everything is closing in
Everything is closing in
Light is slowly growing dim
Feels like everything is closing in

There's no escape

Everything is closing in
Everything is closing in
Light is slowly growing dim
Feels like everything is closing in

#

(Outside the Brownstone)

"Alec!" Blue eyes jerked in the direction to see his sister running towards him, his arms wide as she pretty much leapt into his embrace.

"Hey Iz," He squeezed her tight, before finally letting go, though Izzy was still cupping his face, worriedly looking up at him. "Its okay. I'm okay." He mumbled, listening to her sigh as she finally dropped her hands. He observed the frown immediately form when her eyes drifted over to the Brownstone.

"Why are we even here?" His sister looked very cranky right now, arms folded as she glared up in the general direction of Magnus' penthouse apartment. He truly did find it sweet, how much she loved him, wanted to protect and keep him safe. Alec also knew he needed the moral support, because even if it had just been months, Alec felt like he lived a life here and now it was all gone. Everything had made sense with Magnus at his side and now his world had been pulled out from under him and he was back to floundering. He was barely staying above the water line, but Alec was determined to get closure, even if it wasn't going to be what he wanted.

Loving someone and also wishing for their happiness, even if it hurt, was very important to Alec. Just like he told Magnus all that time time ago.

"I need to clear out my stuff. We're moving to our new place thanks to Gramps and Grams."

When Alec was about to leave, his grandmother had handed him an envelope. He looked inside seeing security passes and keys.

'We sold our two buildings in Tribeca. It turns out our investments from many, many years ago were quite lucrative. We have ensured the tenants within the apartments in the buildings are continued on their 10 year leases, though after that it is not up to us, but we hope they stay on as they are all wonderful tenants.' Andrew explained before nodding to his wife to continue.

'We did keep an apartment there, since Tribeca holds wonderful memories for us, but thanks to our investment we ended up also purchasing in Williamsburg, Carroll Gardens, East Village, Bay Ridge and Staten Island. We've gotten rental leases on all except Carroll Gardens. Its a lovely 5 bedroom, 4 bathroom property with plenty of room with a big kitchen and lots of appliances and pantry space to play with. Just off the kitchen there is a lovely garden terrace and also a rooftop terrace with BBQ facilities and a jacuzzi that you can take in the views too. There would be plenty of room for friends and family to visit.'

'Ok...' Alec wasn't sure where this was going and watched his grandfather smile at him.

'Those are security passes to the get into the buildings gym, pool, children's play room and the garage. As well as keys to the apartment.' Phoebe smiled softly as she placed one hand into her husbands and her other went up to cup Alec's cheek, realising he still wasn't understanding what they were saying. 'We want you, Jace, Isabelle and Max to look after it for us.' Phoebe voiced simply.

'What!?' Alec's mouth dropped open, eyes slightly wide.

'We know that Izzy and Max are soon to leave, but you and Jace can stay there until you decide what to do with your lives. Even if you moved away, any time you want to come back, there will always been room for the four of you there.'

'Gramps...'

'Whether things work out between you and Magnus, maybe this will be a good thing for you.' Andrew tried to gently voice, not wanting to place any negative thoughts into Alec's head, but in the off chance he and Magnus didn't get back together, at least Alec could have a fresh start accommodation wise. 'We don't want any rent from you, but we do ask that you pay your utilities accordingly, look after the general maintenance of the property and take care of the gardens you have. What do you say?' Alec hadn't said anything except diving into his grandparents arms.

'We love you Cuddle-bug, come back soon, or when you are ready for that first plane trip, come visit us in Canada.' Alec had nodded his head, gotten into his car which his grandfather had gone into the nearest town to pick up fuel for him and with a toot of the horn, which came out sounding like a strangled duck, Alec was heading down the dirt driveway, making his way back onto the roads for the I-95 to get him back to New York.

"I can't believe they are letting us use one of their apartments to live in! We're each going to get our own rooms!" Izzy's excited voice broke Alec from past thoughts.

"You already had your own room."

"Fair point."

"Plus your going to the UK."

"Yes, but its still a place I can come back to, to be surrounded by my brothers." Izzy pulled out her phone. "I even checked it out already. Its very fancy. Fully furnished for us and I even get my own bathroom!" Alec glanced down as she was flicking through the pictures and the floor plans of the property which was spread over five floors! He even saw a sun room which would be perfect for Max when he got back from Chicago to do any drawing and painting in. Making sure to keep him inspired in the career choice he had chosen. "You're going to love the kitchen and the gardens. I'll have to keep an eye on you, you might get lost in it." Izzy grinned as there was heaps of bench top space, a gas cooker with two ovens, microwave, coffee machine and surely behind the cupboards were every appliance known to man. "The pantry is a walk in! You are going to be cooking up a storm for us. I can't wait!"

"We're very lucky." Alec softly voiced, steeling reeling at the offer of a new home to add to the growing list of what good fortune they now had when he had said 'yes' to Magnus at wanting to meet his grandparents. Who would have thought it would turn out like this. Alec shifted his gaze to look up towards the penthouse. "Its going to feel a bit weird though."

"Please, I can't wait to leave that dump and that pervy landlord behind."

"No, not that." Izzy shifted her gaze from her phone to Alec as he was still looking up towards the Brownstone. "I guess here..." Alec gulped down the lump in his throat. "Here is not my place anymore." Izzy frowned at that, remembering what had happened two weeks ago.

"He's dead."

"Izzy..."

"I mean it Alec. Say the word and I'll inject him with..." She paused when her big brother cupped her cheek tenderly.

"I'm alright Iz. I mean I'm hurt, sad of course, but I'm not angry, so you shouldn't be angry either. I want to understand why Magnus did what he did. I want to hear his thoughts. And if it all goes wrong, then I'll have to deal with it."

"Alec..."

"Without you causing him bodily harm." Alec voiced sternly, watching his sister pout. "His kids need him." Alec gave a tiny grin. "And I like the idea of him being in one piece too." He watched her gaze shift to look up towards the penthouse now.

"What are you going to do if Magnus is up there?"

"Silently freak out probably." Even though Alec was hoping he was going to be there because they needed to talk. Although, perhaps he should of told him he was coming here today? Ambushing the man had not been on Alec's radar and yet...

"Alec?" He jerked from his internal thoughts, shifting his gaze to his sister.

"I don't know what I'll do Iz. I'll just have to wait and see. I still have my key to his place, but I'll knock first since...you know...its not my home anymore." Alec observed Izzy huff angrily.

"I can't believe he broke up with you. You're everything anyone could ever want in a boyfriend!" His cheeks warmed at his sisters honesty. "Your smart, cute, funny, gentle and sweet." Alec gave a tiny grin as Izzy rambled angrily. "You're an amazing cook, you take care of kids and siblings insanely well. Your a proud family man who looks after his home well, pride in whatever job you undertake and you're so selfless too! How is THAT not good qualities in a boyfriend?" Alec's cheeks were still flushed as he listened to all the compliments coming from his baby sister. Did they actually count when they were coming from family? Alec wasn't sure.

"I... I'm not sure, but I guess if he is up there, it might be my chance to find out."

"No!"

"No?"

"No! I'm not letting him anywhere near you ever again!"

"Iz..."

"No!" She stubbornly voiced once more, arms folded under her bust. "I won't let you go get your heart broken by him again!"

"Izzy," Alec hugged his sister, feeling her tenseness ease a little and then stepped back and took hold of her hands. "Number one, you can't stop me from going to see him and number two, its my heart to be broken. Not yours."

"But..."

"Though I suspect, maybe just a little, Magnus has broken your heart too?"

"Why do you say that?"

"Because you like him."

"I liked him because he liked you."

"It was more then that Iz. You felt connected to him in some way too right? Whether it was like another big brother looking out for you or truly like a best friend, I'm not sure. Maybe it was even a bit of both? You've never really had someone to talk to about fashion, clubbing, boys and make-up because you definitely don't get that with three boring brothers in the house."

"Well..." Alec watched her shoulders sag a little, her fight leaving her. "I did like Magnus. A lot. I may have even, I don't know, fallen in love with him a little bit." She saw the look on her big brother's face. "Platonic love Alec."

"Oh..." He gave a little sheepish smile at that.

"He was lovely and sweet. He always sent me messages of encouragement and telling me to get a good night sleep because boys won't like girls with bags under their eyes." Izzy laughed at that, shaking her head. "He was silly like that, always sending me little messages, making me laugh. He'd even send me messages of when one of the stores I liked was having really good flash sales and he even wanted to go shopping with me. Then there were the messages he would send me about you, so I didn't worry as he always told me you were doing well, even sending me pictures too." Alec hadn't realised Magnus had done all that and felt his heart flutter. "Truthfully though, regardless of all that, what I really liked about Magnus was the way he looked at you." Alec tilted his head at that. His grandmother had said the same thing. "He looked at you like you were everything he'd ever been looking for in life."

"Izzy..." Alec's cheeks went pink at that.

"Its true Alec. It was like you were his compass. Whatever direction you were going, he was going to go too. Like he was always going to be there for you, through thick and thin." Alec flushed a little darker at her words. "I truly thought he could be trusted with you." Alec's heart once again swelled lovingly for his sister. "I never wanted you to get hurt Alec. I honestly thought he liked you." Alec recalled everything that he and Magnus had shared, especially their Christmas Eve confessions to each other and couldn't help but smile.

"He does Iz..." Her big brown eyes rose to look up at him. "I know he likes me. He told me and I knew back then he was telling the truth."

"Then why..."

"Lots of things happened." Alec interrupted his sister. "I kept something from him when I shouldn't have and he kept things from me too. It all came crashing down around us."

"Alec..."

"I finally know all about Magnus now, and its not pretty. He's been through a lot. He's carrying a lot of past history that has scared and scarred him. I'm not sure he'll ever forget it all, but he does have to live with it, and I'm not sure he's ready to do that yet, even with the years that have passed." Alec watched Izzy's eyes water.

"Is it that bad?"

"It is, but its not my story to tell. He's broken Iz, but even so, I don't want him to push me away because he thinks he's now tainted me."

"Alec..."

"That's why I'm back. I shouldn't have been so weak and let this fall apart the way it has. I should have been stronger. Should of held on tighter and told Magnus I'm not like the others. I'm not afraid of his past. I want to help him accept it because I don't want to let go. I want to be with him." Alec scratched at the back of his neck. "Staying with Gramps and Grams at their farmhouse near Higgens Beach, it gave me a chance to cry and to think. A lot of crying actually." Alec softly confessed. "I've also been able to speak to Raphael too. Twice in fact. He knows Magnus best and he said Magnus has been pretty messed up since we broke up, but that he also said he hasn't stopped thinking about me. Raphael doesn't lie and...and I just really need to see him Iz."

"What if he..." Alec placed his index finger against his sisters lips.

"He's called me five times. He's not left messages, except for two that just said my name, but this is not something to be done over the phone. I was intent on returning a few days back, when he started to call, but the weather turned bad. I returned as soon as it cleared. I have to do this face to face." Alec squeezed Izzy's hands once more. "Magnus calling me, that's got to mean something right?" Izzy could see the hope in her big brother's eyes.

"Fine, I'll come with you." Alec felt a smile shift onto his lips. "But don't think I've forgiven him."

"I haven't forgiven him either. We've a lot to talk about, but I can't let it end like this. I won't."

"Alright big brother, lets get the love of your life back."

"I-Izzy..." Alec spluttered as he was shoved towards the entrance to the Brownstone.

"Stop pushing me! I'll go in on my own when I'm ready." Alec complained as they were probably three car lengths away from the entrance now.

"You had such conviction before and now that we are two car lengths away, thanks to my shoving, your clamming up on me."

"Of course I am! My ex lives up there!" Alec stopped at that. He really hated that word very much.

"What? Never thought you'd have one or something?"

"No..."

"Alright, so lets turn that ex around to boyfriend again."

"Iz..." His sister started dragging him closer, they now one car length away and his heart started to hammer and he was already getting butterflies in his stomach. Perhaps he wasn't ready for this at all!

However, Alec couldn't think more on it when they heard a bit of commotion going on.

"Get back here! You cannot be on the streets without your father!" Blue eyes watched a little girl go tripping down the stairs, though she did miraculously stay on her feet. Alec felt his eyebrows furrow because she was clearly in pyjamas and socks and not dressed for the chilly mid January weather.

"Is that..." Izzy didn't get any further when big brown-golden orbs, puffy from crying caught sight of them.

"ALEC!" Her arms were wide, rushing towards him, coughing up a storm.

"Sweet Pea!" Alec gasped out, squatting down as the youngster dove into his arms. His hand immediately went to her forehead feeling how warm it was. "You shouldn't be out here Sweet Pea, you're sick!"

"Where have you been?" Madzie croaked out, big teary eyes looking up at him and guilt swelled in Alec's belly. "Papa said you went away because he was bad. He said he hurt you and that he couldn't ever forgive himself for doing that. He said you wouldn't ever want to see him again."

"Princess..."

"He said we couldn't see you either!" Madzie's bottom lip trembled. "Why?"

"Well..."

"Papa misses you Alec! He's not the same Papa anymore." Alec pulled off his jacket and bundled Madzie up, not wanting her to get any sicker. "You'll make everything better, right Alec? You'll make Papa better?" Alec frowned at that.

"Sweet Pea, has your Papa been sick?" She nodded her head vigorously.

"You'll make him better now though won't you? You're back home now so he'll wake up right?" Alec's heart literally stopped at that.

"Madzie, has something happened to your Papa?"

"Papa is... Papa is..." Madzie hiccuped through her distress.

"Sweet Pea, just breathe alright? Take some deep breaths for me ok?" Alec's stomach churned as Madzie did as he asked. "Good girl. Deep breaths Princess. Now, has something happened to..." Alec couldn't even finish the question when Madzie burst into tears. Blue eyes shot to equally worried brown orbs and then shifted back to the crying youngster in his light embrace.

"Papa told me to stay in bed. He said if I needed anything to call out to him and he would be there. So I did. I wanted a drink of water, but he never came." Alec felt his heart begin to thunder in his chest. "I got out of bed and went to look for him. Papa... Papa..." Madzie hiccuped again as she tried to get her jumbled thoughts together. Even though Magnus and he had been apart for two weeks now, he still thought of the man and his children fondly. Would always do so. Alec felt his heart constrict as he gave the weeping child another tender hug. "Papa fell down." Madzie's big teary eyes glanced up at him. "He won't wake up!" The six year old sobbed out, those words turning Alec's blood cold.

"Izzy, will you watch..." He needn't even finish.

"Go!" She ordered of him and he was running towards the building, bursting through the doors.

"Mr Lightwood!" Alaric voiced in shock, not having seen the man in a fortnight. His dark eyes watched Alec go rushing past him as he dashed for the stairs.

"Call an ambulance! Magnus has collapsed!" Alec frantically ordered, knowing just by Madzie's distress and her words that something serious had happened to her father.

Alec was puffing for air, heart thundering in his ears as his hands shakily pushed the ajar door open further, Madzie in her haste as she rushed out not having closed it behind her. All Alec saw was a chair that Madzie had smartly used to climb up and unlock the door and then she ran out to try and get some help for her 'downed' Papa.

The first room Alec checked was Magnus' bedroom. Clothing was strewn about, it not as tidy as it usually was, but then Alec had to realise he was the one that usually kept it clean. When Alec had first done it, Magnus had been annoyed because he said he couldn't find his things anymore, but slowly they had gotten into a routine and the look on Magnus' face, when he got home to see his beloved home sparkly and clean, it made Alec proud of himself that he had done a good job of looking after their home. He quickly shook his head. Not 'their' home anymore. Magnus' home.

Alec gazed about, Magnus was not in his bedroom or the ensuite. He checked the main bathroom, the kids rooms and then turned his attention to the open plan living space, eyes darting into the kitchen to see he wasn't there. As he moved further in, his eyes couldn't help but shift to the framed picture of him and the kids, it still sitting on the mantelpiece above the fireplace, like he was still part of their lives. Part of this family.

A sudden breeze hit the side of Alec's face, making him shift his attention to the balcony glass door which was alarmingly wide open on such a freezing day. As he drifted over, time seemed to stop as Alec froze on the spot. It felt like an eternity before he was moving again, running out onto the balcony.

"MAGNUS!"

#

To be continued