Astra Blishwick – Twenty-two
Astra held her breath. Augustin was staring at her intently, but he had not said anything else…yet.
In the short time that had passed since he invaded her mind, Astra had also decided that she did not want him in her head ever again. It had felt like he stolen control over her own thoughts from her, even though she had given him her full permission. It had been like being stripped bare in front of him; all of her was open to him and she couldn't stop it. She wondered what on earth it must feel like to have that sort of power over someone…
"So," Augustin finally spoke, and his voice was level, "Miss Black requires Gestation Numbing Potion after all."
"It's not for her!" Astra blurted without thinking. Immediately she clapped a hand over her mouth.
"No." Augustin mused, "It is for the red-haired muggle with whom she is conducting an illicit affair."
Astra frowned disapprovingly, "It's not an illicit affair," she snapped, "neither of them are married."
Augustin rolled his eyes at her in a gesture that clearly indicated that she knew what he meant.
"Still, it is one of the numerous worries currently plaguing your mind." He asserted.
She nodded, feeling both calmer and more stressed all at once. She felt calm at having shared her worries with him, but terrified at the reminder that there was so much going on that she couldn't control. Like him reading her thoughts. She almost began to worry that he had realised that she liked feeling his arms around her, but then panicked because he might find that worry and then he would know for definite. Even she did not know for definite.
Could he possibly know her own mind better than she did? Was this the power that legilimency allowed for?
"Please don't read my mind again." She babbled suddenly, "Please, I don't like it. I don't want it, please." She had never heard herself sound so pathetic and pleading.
Augustin reached his hand up to her face and she pulled back slightly. He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and then sat back in his seat again.
"I promise I shall never do so again, unless you ask it of me." He said solemnly.
"Is it…is it easy? ...To read peoples' minds?" she uttered the question as if it were a curse.
"For the most part." He conceded, "It is only difficult when one is faced with the unpleasant thoughts and memories of another. Particularly when one cares for that other person."
Astra made a small 'oh' sound and then waited for him to continue. She wished she had just come down to the dungeons and done her detention as commanded.
"I am afraid," he said, meeting her eyes, "that many of your problems have no favourable solution. I have given you my advice concerning the possibility of not marrying my brother, though the haste with which he intends to propose to you may compromise that plan. Your so called friends are simply proving incapable of overcoming childish problems and your sister is currently receiving the care she requires. The potion Miss Black desires can be provided for her by me-"
"No!" Astra cried hurriedly, "No, she can't know that I told you!"
Augustin sighed slightly and then said, "Very well. I can provide you with the potion and you can give it to her."
"Where will you get it?" Astra breathed.
"From Valentin and Eily's house, as you had intended to. They are not in current need of it."
Astra nodded in understanding. She was beginning to feel a little more relaxed.
"As for your desire for intimacy, Miss Blishwick, I'm afraid that is burden you will have to suffer alone." He finished with a somewhat arrogant smirk.
Astra felt herself turn beet red. That wasn't a worry she had shown him. That was something he had picked up on and was now using to deliberately embarrass her. She felt rage flare in her gut.
Swallowing the urge to yell at him in anger, she clenched her fists and said, "I want you to teach me Occlumency, Professor."
Unusually, Augustin allowed his shock at this to register across his features. He narrowed his eyes at her and crossed his arms.
"And why on earth would I want to comply with that request, Miss Blishwick?" he almost choked.
"Do you want the more compelling reason or the genuine reason, sir?" she asked, smiling innocently.
She didn't even need to hear him say "Both." She had known it was coming.
"Well, the more compelling reason is because if you don't then I'll tell your family that you suggested I not marry your brother and that you agreed to help supply a muggle, with whom Iola is consorting, with a potion."
He raised a brow at her in slight amusement, as if he knew she would never carry out such a threat. She knew it too, but that was why she had another little speech up her sleeve.
"The genuine reason, sir, is because you just invaded my mind-"
"With your permission!" he interjected immediately, looking horrified at her insinuation.
"With my permission." She agreed. "Nevertheless, you invaded my mind and then used what you learned to deliberately embarrass me. And, since I believe you care about me, I should hope that you would wish to assist me in ensuring that nobody else is able to do such a thing to me, Professor." She finished, crossing her own arms in defiance.
There was a long pause, during which Astra wondered if she had been too aggressive and jumped to too many conclusions. Maybe he hadn't meant to embarrass her, maybe it hadn't been so bad.
"Ask me again. Ask me, Astra"
Astra felt her eyes widen. His voice had been unlike she'd ever heard before; hungry but soft, devious but gentle….and somewhat pleading.
She leaned forward, wondering if she had understood correctly what he was insinuating. It was frustrating to her that he never just came out and said what he meant.
"Teach me Occlumency, Augustin, please. I'm asking as your friend." She whispered.
He nodded and she let out a deep breath.
-AB-
Slowly, over the next few weeks, Astra relaxed back into her life at Hogwarts. Her friends came around over time and Kendra admitted that she had expected more of Astra because she had told her about the letter she'd had from Percival.
"It wasn't fair of me to expect more of you than the others. I'm sorry." Kendra had said.
"Don't." Astra had told her, "It's me who should be sorry, Kenny. And I really am."
They had made up and Astra gave Kendra the presents she had bought her from Hogsmeade. It hadn't been long before all six of them were getting on again.
Elias took her aside one November morning and told her in no uncertain terms that he was sorry for assuming the worst of her.
"I should have known better than to believe the first bad thing I heard about you, Astra. I let myself see you as a Slytherin snake rather than as my friend." He said earnestly.
"It's alright, Elias." She said, "Honestly, I was beginning to see the snake in myself too. I'm glad I'm back to being me."
By the start of December, Astra was successfully able to resist the Imperius curse and Professor Trimble decided that they were all ready to move on to the Cruciatus curse after Christmas.
Iola had been delighted to receive the first dose of Gestation Numbing Potion from Astra and even hugged her, telling her that Bob would be so pleased. Astra assured her cousin that it was nothing and not to mention it.
She had also improved leaps and bounds in potions and Professor Prince seemed to approve. She spent her days impressing him with her brewing and her nights impressing him with her mind.
"You are a fast learner, Miss Blishwick." The tall, dark haired man told her on the first Thursday evening of December.
"Call me Astra, Aug." she pleaded, tired from their mental battling.
"Alright." He conceded reluctantly, "Astra."
She knew he wasn't keen on the idea, but she had reminded him that they were entering this particular endeavour as friends rather than as a teacher and student.
"Shall we try once more before you leave?" he asked.
Astra felt her mouth fall open as she gawked at him, "Again? I'm shattered, Aug!" she moaned.
He snorted, "It's almost as if this time was initially designated as a punishment in order to teach you not to attack your fellow students, Astra." His snarky voice caused her to chuckle. He raised a brow and she simply shook her head.
They took up their positions once more and he threw his mind into hers. She had her barriers up fairly quickly; having learned how to do so over the past few weeks. But she knew, and he knew, that they were not strong barriers. She felt him nudge them, softly at first, and then with more intent.
Oh, come on Astra, show me what's on your mind….
She had become used to identifying his presence in her thoughts by now and this was a tactic he tried often. She knew that he could just break down her barriers if he wanted to but she also knew that he got far more satisfaction from tempting her walls down.
No. She thought, determinedly.
No? Don't you want to share things with me, Astra? Don't you want someone to share with?
No. She growled to herself.
Alright then.
And then he smashed into her walls and she could feel the familiar sense of helplessness as he pondered upon what to watch.
Unusually, Astra found herself watching something that was not a memory of hers. Instead, it was a recurring nightmare.
She was standing in her family home, but it was heavily decorated for Christmas. An enormous tree floated in the corner and tiny fairies adorned almost every surface. Her parents were smiling at her with joy.
Eily and Valentin were there, Eily looking as sick as ever. Constantin stood nearby them and Augustin himself further back. Other figures buzzed around in the background, but Astra had not perfected this aspect of the vision. Music played loudly across the room, attacking her eardrums.
And then Constantin was in front of her, down on one knee and holding up a ring. He was speaking, but Astra couldn't hear what he was saying.
Please no. Please make it stop.
Her parents were suddenly clapping and beaming at her expectantly. Valentin cheered his brother on and Eily began to cry.
No, please! I don't want this, please! I can't be married to Constantin for the rest of my life, I can't!
And then Augustin was in front of her, holding her close, cradling her head in his arms. Everything else became fuzzy and noiseless and his voice rang out, "I've got you. It's alright."
Thank you. Thank you so much. Please, please just hold me…please…
And then his presence in her mind was gone. She gasped for air and met his eyes across the office desk.
"You're afraid my brother will propose to you over the Christmas break."
It was not a question but a statement.
"Am I wrong to be afraid?" she asked tentatively.
He shook his head, "Not necessarily. I, too, believe it is likely to happen. But I cannot save you Astra. You can only save yourself."
He sounded sad and confusion washed over Astra rapidly. "But- but you said you had a place I could go! You said if I refused the proposal I could stay there!"
"I did." He acknowledged, "And I meant it. But that is if you refuse the proposal, Astra. I will not come and whisk you away to safety without your action first. And, if you accept, it is your choice. Whatever happens, it is your choice."
Astra suddenly realised something, "With you getting the potion for Iola for me, I've no reason to accept the proposal! Except….Iola would realise that I'd told you about her predicament."
Augustin started shuffling through papers on his desk and then circled something on some parchment. He stood, marched over to one of the shelves of ingredients that decked every wall of the office, and made a space.
"Not if I start to stock Gestation Numbing Potion. You can claim that you are stealing it from me." He announced, gesturing to the space now on the shelf.
"You'll put the stocks you take from Eily and Valentin's there?" she asked in wonder, "And I can pretend that's how I'm getting it? I don't need to go back into their house again? I can refuse the proposal? I can stay at this place you've got for me? And you'll take me to visit Eily in the hospital?"
The tirade of questions did not seem to faze Augustin. He just nodded.
"All of it, Astra. I'll do all of it, for you."