Author's Notes

The Concubine's Apprentice just reached 10,000 votes on Wattpad!

Thank you, awesome peeps!

-TheGreatestConWoman-

P.S.Don't forget to check out my new book (work-in-progress). It's an original entitled

"The Siren from Building 31" on Wattpad.

*shameless plugging over and out*

"I'm burning."

I felt every single cell in my entire being was set on fire by the aphrodisiac. They had warned me of its effects, but experiencing it was another thing entirely. Every little movement I make, every time the carriage is jostled by stray rocks on the road, I feel my body react in an alarming way that was foreign to me.

This is so humiliating.

But then again, what part of this entire process isn't?

I have decided not to dwell on this night. I'll think of it as a brief nightmare that I can forget tomorrow, and that when the sun rises, my mind would be at peace knowing that the kids under the troupe's care, as well as the other entertainers, will be safe from Lady Vira's threats.

My mind would be at peace... but my heart won't ever be.

Along with the decision to banish this night from my memory as soon as it was over, I decided to send my heart away to a place where Lady Vira could not touch it.

I sent my necklace back to Zuko, along with my heart.

After Lady Vira was sure that I no longer had the will to run away, she allowed me to roam the quarters freely on the condition that I do not step out of the vicinity. My "lessons" went on from morning till evening in the underground room, but I was given the limited freedom to gaze up at the moon at night.

One evening, I sat under the niwaki tree in the middle of the yard. The moonlight brought comfort to my otherwise dark days when the sun no longer shined on me. I closed my eyes and savored the soft evening breeze that wafted along with the scent of flowers and dew.

A messenger hawk flew above the walls of the quarters and headed towards me. It landed on my lap and extended its leg towards me. A letter? For me?

I unfurled the scroll and immediately recognized Zuko's handwriting. I have not read the letter yet, but I felt the pace of my heart quickening.

And I felt my heart break all over again.

I read his words over and over. Even in writing, I could feel his love and sincerity as if he were right in front of me, reading the words he himself wrote. It crushed me when he talked about marrying me, starting a family with me, and taking care of me for the rest of our days. Because a selfish part of me yearned for such things as well.

Yet I could no longer covet such things. There was so much at stake. So many people could get hurt.

He told me that the choice was mine, and he hoped that I would choose him.

In another life, I will choose him a million times over.

For now, I will lock my heart and send it back for you to keep, Zuko. It has always been yours from the very beginning.

I wept all night. The hawk on my lap found its way to my shoulder and nuzzled its beak against my hair as if to shed a bit comfort for me.

Hours and tears later, I finally felt numb and drained enough to allow myself to breathe again, steeling my resolve to no longer hold Zuko by me.

The silence was broken when I heard a sound coming from the roof and a figure cloaked in black fell into the yard.

And saw a disheveled Azula holding Kiyi in her arms.

I felt the carriage halt and I waited for the attendant to assist me. I had to bite my lip to suppress the sound I unconsciously made as I was lifted back out of the carriage and guided towards wherever I was headed.

The blindfold was a bit too much, but it was tradition. They said that the first night was dangerous and knowing who you did it with even more so for the reason that it could affect future "client relations". Bullshit.

I didn't care anymore. I let them lead me until we finally stopped somewhere. My attendant knocked thrice and almost immediately the door was opened. Unintelligible words were exchanged between the attendant and the person who opened the door for us.

Then I felt the rim of another vial pressed against my lips. "I already had a dose." I turned my head to refuse.

"Lady Vira's orders." The attendant urged and tried again. "She'll have both our heads, my Lady. Please."

I sighed in defeat and chugged the vial as fast as I could, feeling the uncomfortable sensation in my body burn anew, stronger.

They left me in the room after having me sit on the floor. My senses were numbed further by the second dose of aphrodisiac. I felt this dull ache in my body and I longed to be rid of it. How? I had no idea.

I thought I was alone until I heard movement from somewhere inside the room, the muffled sound of bare feet making its way through the carpeted floor mimicked the pace of my breaths. The person stopped right in front of me and I could tell that he, too, had knelt in front of me so that we were face-to-face.

"Good evening, Sir." I greeted him and bowed my head. I waited for his reply but received none.

In all honesty, I did not know how to proceed from here. So, I sat there motionless, waiting for something, anything.

A warm hand took my own and held it palm-up. I will not deny that it surprised me, the gentleness was unexpected, but it certainly was welcome compared to what I did expect. A fingertip traced itself across my palm. Was this some sort of play?

"W-wha—"

Patiently, he repeated tracing something on my palm. By the third time, I got it.

"Hello."

"Umm... H-hi..."

He did it again, tracing it slower this time.

"How are you?"

Why was this person asking that? "I'm fine."

I flinched as he cupped for my cheek with his warm hand. He hesitated as well and went back to writing on my palm.

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

What am I doing? Why was I having this conversation with this stranger?

"You are shaking."

"I-it's the effect of the... the drug... Um... If you don't mind me asking, are you mute?"

It took him a while before he answered. "Yes."

He kept on asking me questions, by way of tracing the characters on my palm, one by one, patiently waiting for my reply.

By the ninth or so question, I am at my wit's end. It felt as if all the nerves on my palm were ablaze. It was a weird feeling, all my attention focused on a single body part. I growled out my frustration. "How long do I have to be here?! Let's just get this over and done with so we can both get what we want and leave!"

My outburst must have shocked him, but he made no further move to reply.

I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I reached forward to clutch at the man's robes with shaking hands. I climbed up on his lap, leaned in, and buried my face against his neck.

My breaths were now ragged. The scent of the aphrodisiac overpowered my sense of smell, I tried my best to hide my trembling as I let my lips ghost against the skin of his neck.

His hands gripped my arms and held me away. He was shaking as well, breathing as heavily as I was.

"I don't understand." I bowed my head. I felt tears prickling at the corner of eyes, absorbed by the fabric over my eyes. Why was I this way? "Isn't this what you want? Isn't this what you paid for?!" I wanted so badly to remove the blindfold and face this man. "Am I not enough?"

Suddenly, he gripped my chin, tilting my head back and covering my lips with his own.

Despite my expectations, despite all that I have seen from my "lessons" back at the troupe, he wasn't rough. But he wasn't gentle now either. His mouth moved against mine with a hunger that was familiar, coaxing, seeking reciprocation from me.

I wanted to lash out because I feel humiliated by my actions towards him, then my reactions to his touch. Was I always this licentious?

One of his hands rested on my waist, securing me on his lap, while the other tangled itself against my hair. The effects of the drug had me returning the kiss and feeling shameful pleasure as I pressed myself against him.

Against this warmth that I craved so much.

Against this warmth that reminded me so much of—

"Do not think about him. The sooner we finish, the sooner I can leave." I kept this mantra going in my head while we kissed fervently.

But what was this inexplicable feeling, this ache that I feel in my gut that won't go away?

The hand on my hip found my palm again and wrote his next words.

"Hold on to me."

I broke free from the kiss and wrapped my arms over his shoulders and around his neck. Effortlessly, he lifted me up from the floor and gently laid me down on soft, smooth sheets.

The cold air of the night was temporary as he returned to me, his lips finding their way from mine, to my cheek, up to my ear where his hot breath made my flesh sing.

His tongue traced the lobe of my ear gently, and I had to turn away so he could not see my deeply flushed expression. He held my head in place as he lavished kisses at the skin beneath my ear.

This person, whoever he was, must have been experienced with this. There was no way he knew that it was a sensitive spot unless he had done so with a number of other partners.

While I reminded myself that it really might be the case, my body couldn't help responding with breathless moans and gasps. "P-please..."

He pulled away and I felt his fingertip trace something across my collarbone, exposed by the thin robes I was wearing.

"Are you sure?"

Again, why the hesitation? Surely, since he had won the bidding, he knew what it entailed? I sighed and pushed myself into a sitting position. "They will check me, you know. Whether I lost... that... or not. I'll be honest with you, I don't intend to have any affection, nor look back fondly towards this night. It's just a stepping-stone for me to become an entertainer."

"Is this what you really want?" He held my hand with such tenderness and etched every single character across my palm with slow motions. As if he was begging me to change my mind.

Since I have decided to be honest now, I answered. "Does it even matter? I've made my choice."

I felt a weight press against my shoulder. He had leaned his head against my chest and felt his body slightly shaking.

I couldn't tell if he was laughing or crying.

He tilted his face against my neck and continued where he had left off, but this time, it was different. More aggressive, more demanding, and more driven.

Slowly, he undid the ties that held the silk robes and pushed them open, and soon made agonizingly leisured work of my inner garments.

I was gently pushed back onto the bed. His lips moved past my shoulders and down the dip between my collarbones. He paused before he went any further. The hand gripping my waist loosened a bit, then I felt his thumb trace a question on the surface of my skin.

"May I?"

Was he seriously asking for my permission?

I wasn't sure whether I should be frustrated or touched, but I guess it was a mixture of both when I answered with, "Yes."

Not a split second after I said so, his mouth resumed their journey on my chest. One of his hands supported my back as I involuntarily arched it towards him. Why was my body acting like this?

I gasped as he nipped at my skin, giving undivided attention towards my chest. I nearly lost it when I felt his warm mouth wrap around my nipple. His tongue flicked over and over it, before switching to the other, softly biting on the sensitive tip.

He stopped over my stomach and traced the same phrase again, this time, on my thigh.

"May I?"

"Yes."

He hooked his hands beneath my knees and gently set my legs apart. My hands reached out to cover my face. Was this it? Is this really happening? Is he going to do it?

Small, soft kisses were rained over my hips and thighs, and I nearly flailed in surprise, but he kept me steady. I was going insane as the aphrodisiac took over my body and reasoning.

I let out a lewd cry when I felt his kisses drew nearer my aching core. I had to bite the back of my hand to stop from making any more of those, but my body betrayed me by my hips bucking, seeking more.

"I want to hear you." He traced it against my inner thigh as he lavished me with open-mouthed kisses, his tongue teasing and flicking the bundle of nerves and driving me to madness. "I want to hear you."

The "lessons" in my head were slowly being rewritten by these new things I was experiencing. Aru had been too rough on Iza in their lovemaking, if you can call it that, prioritizing his own pleasure and release above hers.

Almost lovingly, his lips made its way back up across my stomach and chest, back to my lips where he planted a searing, soul-shattering kiss.

The way he kissed me was so familiar, so much that a voice at the corner of my mind hoped, prayed that this man was who I thought it to be.

But Zuko wasn't there at the plaza, he wasn't there at the banquet. Last we met was at the palace when I gave him the invitation, parting with bitter words and even bitter feelings. I'm sure that he is livid after I had tossed aside his feelings for me. He had begged in tears and all I did was leave. How could he forgive me?

How could I forgive myself?

The sound of rustling clothes brought me back to the present and I gasped as I felt his bare, heated skin cover mine. He guided my legs to wrap around his waist, and my arms around his torso, my hands resting on his broad back. My blush deepened as a hardness grazed against me. I must have been a sight to see.

He kept kissing me, grinding his hips with mine and it aroused me more than I could admit.

If he was going to ask "May I?" one more time, I would have growled in frustration and shouted. Instead of waiting for him to do so, I used the tip of my finger to write two words on his back.

"Now. Please."

I felt him stiffen at my action and release a shaky breath. He leaned his forehead against mine and guided his member between my folds.

The pain nearly voided the effects of the aphrodisiac, but be it that I was given double the dose, my mind rejected the pain and welcomed him. My nails dug into his back as he slowly, agonizingly buried himself to the hilt.

By the time he was fully in, we were both gasping for our breaths, gripping each other for dear life. He kissed my cheeks, he kissed my closed eyes through the blindfold, wet with tears. He gave me the time to adjust and relax, before he slowly started to move.

The ache in my gut grew with the pleasure that started to manifest with his movements. I find myself arching my back and drawing him close, craving the warmth of his body on mine.

My inhibitions and walls were brought down as he took my body as his own, claiming every inch of it with his hands and his mouth.

I tried matching my hips with his pace and found the friction mind-numbingly good. I buried my face against his hot neck, mewling incoherent words, shamefully urging him to go further.

The overwhelming need for release soon took over the feelings of shame and guilt I initially felt. My skin felt so alive under his lips that left scorching marks, biting at the sensitive nooks of my shoulder and neck.

He reached between us and rubbed the flesh that gave me an immense surge of exhilaration, flicking his thumb across it in time with his relentless thrusts.

My mind went blank as he reached deeper into me, I had to muffle my cries as he repeatedly hit that spot that soon sent me over the edge of sanity.

With my head thrown back, baring my neck for his assault, I came undone with his attention. I gripped his back and felt my walls constrict around him as I felt ecstasy wash over me.

For the first time, I heard his low, desperate groans against my ear as he sped up his movements, gripping my waist and sought his own peak.

I could feel the ache build anew as I adapted to his new pace. Before long, our moans and breaths became frantic.

He leaned in for one more kiss as he thrust all the way in and trembled with his release. Still at the peak of my own, I followed him, pleasure mounting until I fell once more into bliss.

After several heartbeats, he lay back on the bed and held me close in his arms, locking me against his chest, drenched with sweat after our tryst. He covered our bodies with the sheets, his hand drawing comforting circles on my back.

"Sleep." He traced it across my spine.

And as if my body was still under his spell, my eyes slid closed and I drifted into a dreamless sleep.

When I woke up, I was back at the troupe quarters. The attendant led me back to my room where Lady Vira was waiting.

She took off my blindfold and smiled. "You have done us a great service, Lady Chiyo. Welcome to our cruel, little world."

I was inspected once more. As if the soreness between my legs and back wasn't enough proof of what I had done. Once she was satisfied, she left and ordered me to take a hot bath. Mercifully, she instructed the aides to leave me be.

Alone in the private bath, I shed my clothing and prepared myself for a dip in the hot water.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. And broke down into anguished sobs that I had long been holding back.

I did not cry for the generous red marks and bites he left on my body, for surely, I had left my own marks on his.

I must have cried for the humiliation at being powerless over my own life.

But the tears were stemmed from seeing the familiar shine of the golden tear-shaped pendant of the necklace draped around my neck.

Above my heart.

In its rightful place.

Right where he always will be.

*cringes* *throws away laptop* *runs for the hills* *hides under a rock* *changes identity* *remembers what I wrote* *cringes* *screams like a banshee* *cringes again*