"I want to love you (but I don't know how)
...
I want to tell you (but I don't know how)"
~Neptune by Sleeping At Last
A/N: Thank you to imjusthereforpercabeth (dude do you have any idea how many times I had to stop and breath writing this thing? SO MANY. you should be scared; we humans don't understand godly nature at all), CrackHeadBlonde (THERE IS SO MUCH LOVE but there's also so much to lose), JusticeNotRevenge (I love how you call out my references to canon! I try so hard, haha. You'll see! I'm so glad you like this lil fic), hancakes (THANK YOU! Your comment is so so thoughtful and really made me grin! Things are hard, but I'm glad to be back. The past two chapters was a drastic shift from before, but the struggles are getting real... humans are humans because we love so fiercely because we know that everything has an end... And when Percy can be that close to being a mortal it's heart wrenching to see Annabeth not telling him how she truly feels because she knows that they can't have this forever. Gosh, they are both grieving, aren't they? I feel like I would, too, if I were in their position. As promised in the fic's summary, I am making yall fee themes of nostalgia and homesickness and bitter sweetness, I just hope that I do all of that justice), I Am Definitely Jeff Bridges (hey, I'm here to feed your soul. But yeah, that tug at your heart strings? Sorry about that), Rosii (Thanks for the follow! I don't draw as well as I write but I try), luv2read4reading (that's exactly what it is... it's a theme. I wrote another snippet on my discord for that today - gotta rip all of y'all's heart out!), MONKEYBINI (thank you! this keeps me motivated :)), The100fan09 (I appreciate it! Hope you enjoy other chapters), DaughterofAthena21 (READING YOUR REVIEW WAS LIKE THE LIGHT OF MY DAY wow thanks for such a thoughtful comment! I didn't cry writing those two chapters but I did when I wrote parts of chapter 27 last night. No spoilers, though. There's quite a few short spin-offs that people are writing for the fic now, but I assume you found this through "i can see us (twisted in bedsheets)"? I can't believe that you read this all in one go. It must have been a lot to digest! The fic is so heavy emotionally. I'm so grateful that you're here! God!Percy fics are my thing and I've been writing them since 2010, but, ahem, I was a child for most of that so the quality's not as good as this one. I'd recommend wolf like me by sassywriterchick on AO3 if you want another good God!Percy fic :) If you like the cut-out style, I'd recommend my other fics, tabula rasa and the game of life, as well. Anyway, I've been bitter about some false accusations that peeps recklessly thrown at me (leading to some really bad people sending me death threats) and I'm not really over it, but I've decided that I like this fic too much to let go, and I know you guys care, so I'm grateful for all that and more, and will continue being here. Hope that you're safe and happy as well!), Hellewise17 (I can't say! but do send me all your theories :) A lot is going to happen very soon.), Bracting (thank you so much!), and Boi for your amazing reviews. They really keep me going.
cvi.
"Chiron," Percy nods when they reach the Big House.
"Lord Perseus," Chiron takes a step back, bows briefly, and turns to acknowledge Annabeth. "Annabeth, my dear."
"Just Perseus is fine," Percy says and Chiron nods, before leading the two of them into the Big House. Annabeth duly notes the formality between her mentor and her lover, and suddenly she feels like a child who doesn't belong in the conversation.
To be honest, it's a little odd why Percy invited her; she's beyond exhausted and the rushed shower didn't make her feel that much better. Annabeth needs some time to digest what she has done (what Perseus has done) but he's taken her here instead.
Maybe he just wanted to keep an eye on her. Perhaps it is for the best: Annabeth isn't sure if she's ready to unpack the last three weeks yet, anyway. The world forced their hand in cruelty but she wasn't ready. Maybe he was, but how could she ever be?
"I haven't seen you since James Berry's exhibition in 1772, Perseus." Chiron says, drawing Annabeth's attention back. Chiron folds himself into his wheelchair and gestures at Percy to take the armchair at the head of the ping pong table. "I presume that you want an audience with Apollo? He will be here soon."
"Thank you. And yes, it has been quite a while, hasn't it? I thoroughly enjoyed that gallery."
Annabeth watches the two, trying to get herself comfortable on the flimsy plastic chair at the side. She has no idea what they are referring to; she is surprised that she knows that James Berry was a British artist in the first place.
"It was a gorgeous painting, I'd like to think that Berry did your brother justice," Chiron makes an effort at conversation, "Achilles was one of my finest students, you must know that. I have missed him terribly, but I know that he is happy in Elysium with Patroclus."
"So I've heard," Percy inclines his head respectfully. Annabeth knows that he doesn't like to think about the insurmountable separation between immortal beings and the dead. No matter how much Percy would like to see his brother again, he cannot. But she knows that he is also trying to be polite.
Annabeth's mind wanders. She never told Percy that she saw Achilles at the bank of the Styx; why didn't she tell him that day when they visited Central Park in November?
She doesn't have another chance to dwell on that.
"Perce!" Apollo bellows as he bounces into the room, "it is such an honor for you to finally come to my humble abode at Camp Half-Blood! How have you been? I couldn't even reach you for the New Years party and you told me to reserve you two tickets in Sydney for-"
"Hello, Apollo," Percy says dryly, half solemn, cutting the other god off before he gives Annabeth more of an emotional whiplash with his sunny perkiness.
"Oh, hey, you brought Annabeth! Is it true that-"
"-Apollo, please sit down." Percy says with a sigh, shaking his head. He must have said something via godly telepathy with Apollo ( is it to keep information from Chiron's ears or her own? ), because the sun god sinks down in his chair at the other side of the table. " Oh , that's no fun."
"No, it's not: humans are planning to unroot the seats of our power and their beliefs. If we don't play this well, many minor gods, especially those of whom who do not have their power rooted in intrinsic nature elements like me, will fade."
"How did you find out?"
"I took a little trip to Alaska."
"You didn't ." Apollo gasps. "Voluntarily? Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?! Being mortal is not fun," Apollo says, glancing at Annabeth, "no offense."
"None taken." Annabeth offers.
"Anyways," Percy sighs, "we have at least one traitor at Camp, but he had no choice to divulge some of this because he was captured himself. Intel from that probably caused that wave of attempted kidnappings in August, when Annabeth embarked on that quest."
"Valdez is a traitor?" Apollo asks incredulously.
"No, not him," Percy says quickly. "It's someone else, but I'll take care of it. Please don't relay this to anyone else."
Percy gives Annabeth a meaningful glance and she understands. Maybe some of his emotion and demeanor is wrapped under his divinity now, but the sea god still intends to honor her wishes however he can. He is trying.
Apollo looks at Percy skeptically across the table, but his relationship with Percy must have been based on a lot of trust (and maybe it's just that he does not want to impede on another god's domain), because the sun god shrugs after a short pause and sinks back into his easy demeanor, "fine. As long as I have your word. So what do you want me for?"
"I'm currently trying to convince my father to take this matter seriously and urgently, and I need your help to convince the other Olympians to take actions against this before it's too late."
Apollo laughs bitterly. "Perce, we've been best friends for millennia. You know Zeus won't listen to me. He probably hates me more than he hates you."
Percy sighs. "I'm not asking you to do that. And Apollo, this is not a competition; if it were, you know I'd win with my insolence. But what I'm thinking is that you can try speaking with Artemis and Hermes first, and Aphrodite after that."
Apollo mumbles something in discordant and closes his eyes for a brief moment before muttering, "that bad, huh? I didn't think you were serious enough to suggest me to speak with Aphro after what I did to Eros two decades ago. And what's your plan for approaching Zeus? You know, it's his sole decision in the end on when to engage."
"Well, you know who he listens to," Percy says, but he looks at Annabeth.
Apollo follows his gaze to Annabeth, too.
" No ," he says, "no way."
Annabeth agrees internally. She doesn't want any more involvement on the matter than absolutely necessary.
"Do you have any other ideas?"
Percy hisses then, doubling over with a hand on his temple and cursing under his breath. His other arm blocks Annabeth when she starts to reach over in concern. Instead, he shakes his head and stands up abruptly, surveying the room with stormy eyes.
"What is it?" Apollo says, tipping back in his chair and looking at Percy with concerned blue eyes.
"I need to go right now. Apollo, make sure Annabeth gets to Olympus safely. Annabeth, you know what you need to do. Avert your eyes."
She does, and when the light subsides, she sees Apollo looking mournfully at the empty air.
"What's wrong?" Annabeth asks, but Apollo shakes his head, his golden curls bouncing a little.
"I'm not sure; all I can sense is that something happened in Poseidon's realm. For now, just focus on your task."
"My task?"
"I think you know what it is, don't you?" Chiron says, and Annabeth returns his gaze evenly.
"I need to speak to my mother." Dread pools in her stomach.
cvii.
"He loves you," Apollo says in such a wistful way that makes Annabeth wonder if the sun god has ever had a thing with Percy. "I see the way he stares at you. I should have seen this coming, god of prophecy and all. But I didn't."
"So?" Annabeth tries to hold back her impatience.
"The Fates brought you two together for a reason. And I care enough to warn you that They aren't just trying to weave a love story."
cviii.
"Mother." Annabeth kneels on the marble floor when she enters the great Temple of Athena on Olympus. She knows that her mother will be able to feel her presence there.
A replica of the statue of Athena Parthenos stares down at her; Annabeth briefly regrets designing it to look so large and intimidating.
She mentally shakes her head. Get a grip . This is not the time or place to think about things like that.
Annabeth looks at the floor, and she waits.
And she waits.
She knows that Athena can sense her, but for whatever reason, her mother does not come.
"Please, mother," Annabeth says, "please. I need an audience with you."
She waits again.
Still, no answer.
Annabeth is really getting frustrated and annoyed. For three weeks, she was trapped in Alaska because a secret government agency full of humans think that they can harness the gods' powers. She's killed, she's starved, she's been attacked, and she's made Percy do the same.
She didn't even have the emotional availability to vocalize her love back to a near-mortal Percy earlier in the day. Now, she's waiting like a fool for her own mother to acknowledge her.
" Mother ," Annabeth starts anyway, "I need your help convincing Zeus on an urgent matter. The mortals are afraid of us and they are planning to uproot the foundation of belief. We need to act now before it threatens the integrity of Olympus."
The silence is deafening.
cix.
Frederick Chase picks up the phone before the first ring is over. Annabeth's anxiety spikes; she is half hoping that she doesn't have to face her father but she has an obligation and a responsibility to check in with him.
There was once a time in her teens when she would talk more frequently to her mother than her father, and that is a sad reflection of how seldomly she talked to him.
But it's a different time now, and when she hears her dad call out her name on the phone, a warm rush of familiar bittersweetness flows through her.
"Dad," she replies, "I'm okay."
"Annabeth, I was worried sick about you. I couldn't get ahold of you no matter what and I didn't want to bring this to the police. And then these people called… They were looking for you."
"What did you say?"
"I told them to fuck off," her dad says with verve. She laughs, half in relief, half imaging her strict academic of a father mouthing off the government.
"Thanks, dad, I appreciate it."
A brief silence.
"Are you alright?"
"As okay as I'll ever be."
"What happened?"
"It's… It's hard to explain." Annabeth itches to ask her dad to meet. Rarely, she feels this way. She's used to be unwanted and abandoned, but she wants nothing more than his comforts at the moment.
But Annabeth thinks of the government men, and how weak her father is compared to all of these threats. Suddenly, drops of trepidation creeps into her, and her stomach drops.
She's always kept him in the dark with her struggles, at first because he doesn't want to believe what a demigod's life truly means for her, then because she's distanced and far away from him as a year-round camper, but in the past few years, it's mostly just for his own safety.
Her entire mortal family's safety.
"It's nothing," she tries to fix her shaky voice, "it's just the usual run-ins with some supernatural otherworldly beings."
"For three weeks?" Her father sounds skeptical.
"Um, well, time flows differently where I was." She lies.
"That's fascinating," her dad replies, "but it does not make me worry any less. You know you can tell me about these things, right? Annabeth, I want to be there for you."
"Sure," Annabeth says, biting down a mean comment that bubbles in her throat. "I know, dad. I just… I need some time to unwind after this, call work, shower, rest, and all that. I'll talk to you later, okay? I just want you to know that I'm safe. Don't worry."
When she was young, he'd never even known if she embarked on a quest. Maybe she's just assigning self importance into this call. Annabeth tries to urge her insecurity away, and to not psychoanalyze herself too much. Let's save that for another day.
"Okay, Annabeth. Get some sleep, but please do call me back. I care about you. Helen cares about you, and I know Bobby and Matthew don't show it, but they do, too. You should keep us in the loop."
Annabeth swallows another twinge of bitterness tiredly.
"Sounds good, dad. You take care, too, alright? Stay safe."
"Okay. Bye, then."
"Bye," Annabeth says, and hangs up the phone, only slightly regretting that she didn't tell her father that she loves him.
cx.
She needs to call work and do her laundry and check in with her friends and so much more, but Annabeth can't find strength to do that.
She lays on her bed, and sleep doesn't come as easily as she wishes.
The afternoon sun filters in lazily through her windows as Annabeth scrolls through her phone, past the few notifications from her friends wishing her happy holidays. Did anyone notice that she was gone? Did they care?
To be honest, she doesn't even care that much at the moment. All she feels is a deep seated sense of exhaustion, seeping into her bones.
A/N: i put a lot of myself in this one so i'm feeling a little vulnerable. CHECK OUT THE TWO NEW FICS THAT ARE INSPIRED BY YLML (both on Ao3) -
caught up in the riptide by nokreli (HoO if percy accepted godhood at the end of TLO)
come out and haunt me (i know you want me) by lafgl (really amazing au of ylml's chapter 2)