(A/N)- Eya readers, you ready for more angst?
'course you are, you're here. Anyway, let's just get to it.
Disclaimer: I should probably go to bed soon, leave it to me to stay up all hours frantically finishing a chapter sljhfkajsfh. I don't own Star wars.
Pieces Converge
Ezra stayed on the floor with his body clenched tight for several long minutes after he clawed his way back to consciousness, shaking, his head agitated, clamps tight around his lungs. He grit his teeth, waiting it out, keeping his mind as blank as he could. Trying to remember Kanan's exhortations and instructions on how to handle an attack hadn't helped him this time, because Kanan wasn't here, Maul had left, he was alone, alone and trapped, and that thought train had spiraled him back into panic.
Finally, it subsided. Ran its course and ran dry.
Ezra exhaled, uncurling, and sat up, feeling stiff and uncoordinated.
That steaming pile of bantha dung! he thought indignantly.
He fumed silently for a few moments before letting go of his anger and calming himself.
It had been an impulsive decision to call the creatures to their cavern. He didn't know what he'd hoped, exactly, to accomplish with it.
But now Maul was gone. For how long, he couldn't be certain, and he didn't know when he'd be back.
He wasn't missing this opportunity.
Ezra stood carefully, looking past the shimmering surface of the dampening barrier, making sure the cavern beyond was empty.
Once he was satisfied, he took a step back.
He examined the opening from every angle, poking at the edges, seeing where and how the field attached to the rock. Static tingles stung through his fingers often. Ezra bit his lip and forced himself to ignore them.
Picking at the borders didn't seem to do much; even when he managed to gouge out a finger-sized hole in the crumbly rock the barrier immediately buzzed him and stretched to fill the tiny gap.
Frustrated, Ezra banged a fist on it.
He moved back, kicking at the barrier, shoving his shoulders against it.
It was no use. It wouldn't give.
Trying to ignore the rising flickers of panic that were whispering at the edges of his head again, Ezra raised his hand and closed his eyes, concentrating with the Force.
As before, he couldn't penetrate past the actual barrier. He could feel the cavern beyond, an empty space just out of reach, but he couldn't force his way through and touch it, manipulate anything past it. He couldn't turn off the damn emitter that was keeping him in here.
Ezra focused harder, his face straining, his hand vibrating with effort as he tried again.
C'mon, c'mon... just give...
Nothing happened.
Ezra gave up, his hand dropping, panting heavily. Dejection curled in his stomach.
He sat back down, shivering softly, looking at the infernal barrier with tired, burning eyes.
Who am I kidding? he thought. I'm stuck. Stuck and trapped like I always was and now Maul isn't even here to let me out.
His breath shuddered, and he lay his forehead across his knees, holding his legs quietly.
He wasn't going to cry. He wasn't going to give up.
He just... needed a moment.
-SWR-
"Hello my friends!" Hondo's voice was bright and entirely too chipper, and it made Hera suddenly feel like a migraine was pulling at her temples. "So glad I managed to catch your frequency," he went on. The holoprojection of his face glitched out a brief moment, as he leaned in closer to the camera. "You are very difficult people to get hold of you know," he told them.
Hera sighed heavily, rubbing her forehead. "What do you want, Hondo?" she groaned.
The clear blue skies of Ithor outside the viewport were dotted with clouds, the sunlight gleaming off silver and white rooftops. The Ghost was parked on a landing platform in one of the smaller floating cities. They had made contact with the Alliance's operatives that morning, and had been plugged in to the underground network, gathering intel, doing what they could to glean information about the Imperial checkpoint a sector away.
Zeb and Kallus had gone into the port, to see what they could find. Iron Squadron had been left behind on the ship, but didn't seem to mind, enacting dozens of little repairs to the Ghost and the Phantom II to keep busy, ticking off a laundry list Hera had been meaning to get around to but never had the time to do so.
Kanan had been agitated since they'd arrived, spending most of the morning out on the platform meditating. Hera had just gone out to fetch him when Sabine had frantically called to them from the loading ramp, explaining in a hurry that Hondo had commed them.
"He says he has a lead!" she'd explained.
The Jedi and the Twi'lek had exchanged a quick glance before rushing up the ramp.
Kanan now stood behind her, arms crossed as he leaned slightly against the wall. Sabine was seated in the copilot's chair, leaned forward on her seat. Her elbows rested on her knees, hands clasped up by her face, and she was biting her fingers, every muscle tensed as she listened in on the conversation.
Hondo moved back from the camera again.
"Well I was just so devastated to learn about what had happened to my dear friend Ezra," he said, his voice pitching with its usual overdramatic cadence but a genuine twinge of worry in the lines of his face. He glanced aside at them. "I have met Maul before you know, a dastardly creature, very ill-mannered," he said, rubbing his chin. "Horrible breath."
Hera felt her migraine intensifying.
"I told myself, 'Hondo, you must do everything in your power to make sure Ezra Bridger escapes this fiend and goes home safe!' So I have been sniffing around with my old contacts in the underworld you know, making reaccquaintance, asking around," Hondo rambled. "By the way, I hope you know my association with you is doing terrible things to my once fearsome reputation," he tangented. "So many people want to kill me now."
Chopper, hovering behind Hera's elbow, gave a grumble that sounded very much like, Like that's anything new.
"They say, 'You have gone soft, Hondo!'" he exclaimed, sounding so offended by the notion. "Preposterous! Never in all my years have I been so insulted! Just because my ventures are not as profitable as they used to be does not mean—"
"Spit it out, Hondo!" Sabine interrupted hotly, her hands opening sharply to the air in frustration. She glared at the hologram of the old Weequay. "Do you have a lead for us or not?!" she demanded.
Startling and coming to himself, Hondo blurted, "Yes! Well!" The pirate straightened, scooting the chair on his end a bit closer. "You know my old business contact Prylfor, right?"
"No, but keep talking," Kanan spoke up.
"It happens that he was on Iridonia the other day, in the shop of a particular scumbag, Dun Raggar. I believe you're familiar with him?" Hondo asked, checking with Hera with a quick peek.
"We've met," Hera said, frowning darkly.
Hondo nodded once before continuing. "And Prylfor told me he received a very strange order recently." He reached up, adjusting his hat a moment. "Someone he apparently knew from the old days came in and asked for very specific items: a shock collar, binders, electric slave prods..." Hondo paused a moment before delivering his final part, looking seriously at them. "...and Force suppressants."
The three of them straightened. Chopper gave a low whistle.
"I said to myself, 'This is a most peculiar order.' and so I asked my friend, what did this mysterious buyer look like? And do you know what he said?"
They could already guess, but the satisfaction of hearing it from Hondo's mouth was a vicarious thrill shooting through them.
"'A Zabrak, with red and black skin and yellow eyes.'"
Sabine sat back in her seat, eyes wide. "It's him," she breathed. "It's got to be."
Hera leaned her arms on the dashboard, looking Hondo straight in the face.
"Hondo, are you sure?" she asked. Hope was straining to burst through the cautious shields in her heart, but she wouldn't let it swell, not yet. "It wasn't someone else?"
"How many Zabraks do you know who would be looking to buy Force suppressants, my dear Captain?" Hondo asked, tone slightly sardonic now. He huffed his shoulders, rubbing his chin with vigor. "It seems a very big coincidence."
Kanan stepped up, a hand grasping at the back of Hera's pilot chair. "Hondo, where was he headed?" he pressed anxiously. "Did your friend see where he went? Hear anything?"
Hondo looked pensive a moment. "Raggar needed some time to complete the order. I don't believe our mutual enemy has picked it up yet."
Kanan immediately locked on where Hera was. "Hera," he said urgently, "we—"
"Have to intercept him before then," she finished. "I know." She whipped out of her seat, maneuvering around Chopper towards the door. "Sabine, ping Zeb and Kallus back to the ship. We need to hurry."
"If there is a daring rescue to pull off, Hondo demands to be involved!" the pirate's voice called sharply after her.
"We'll take whatever help you can give, Hondo," Kanan told him, his fingernails digging slowly into the fabric of the pilot's chair. The thought of Maul looking for things like shock collars and Force suppressants, with the intention of using them on Ezra...
Kanan took a deep breath and steadied himself in the Force. Hera was already barking orders up and down the ladders at Iron Squadron. Kanan stumbled his way around the chair and dropped into it, relying on muscle memory to reach across the console and begin the startup sequence.
The Ghost began to hum to life.
-SWR-
Ezra bashed his shoulder hard against the barrier and only succeeded in earning himself a particularly sharp zing.
"Ow!" he exclaimed stumbling back and clutching his bicep. "Kriffing..." he muttered.
Hissing through his teeth he let himself drop to his haunches, looking up and glaring at the barrier with hard eyes.
The electric tingle lingered in his muscles, uncomfortably bringing back shadows of the Chimaera. Ezra squeezed his eyes closed, willing away the echos beginning to whisper in his ear.
They only seemed to get louder.
Ezra pressed his hands into his forehead, his nails digging into his hair, feeling his breaths shorten, hearing a murmuring slowly resolving into snatches of Pryce's voice.
"...base, Bridger? I don't want... order another... your heart can't take much..." The words drifted in and out, fading in-between the static prickles of anxiety.
No no no, he begged. Just go away, please just go away...
Why was he so useless? Why couldn't he focus for five minutes without spinning into irrational panic?
Frustration simmered hot within him. He wanted to tap into the anger circling just beneath the surface. Wanted to let it swell up around him. Wanted to let the cold that was whispering behind his head flood through him, surge with its power so he wouldn't feel helpless anymore.
He struggled against the temptation longer than he was proud of.
Ezra exhaled, letting his anger go.
He dropped his hands, shifting, looking around miserably at his cell.
His small food store was almost spent. Ezra didn't relish the thought of being hungry again and almost wished Maul would return soon just for that. The water, also, was diminishing quickly in its little canteen. The cell was beginning to stink more and more from the corner. And all his efforts against the walls and the barrier were no use.
And worst of all were the constant anxious thoughts buzzing his head, stabbing through him and slowly tightening his chest and drowning his head over and over again.
Maul was going to hurt him when he came back. If he came back. What if he never did? What if he'd just abandoned Ezra to slowly starve and dehydrate inside this cell?
No, he said he wouldn't.
And he was a known liar and Ezra couldn't believe anything he said and—
Ezra smacked a palm against the side of his head, deliberately breaking the chain of thought before it could send him into yet another round of panic, of frantic beating at the walls while his lungs choked and his head screamed.
"Stop it," he muttered. "Focus."
He couldn't.
Ezra could feel a bleak hopelessness slowly crawling up his back. He strained past the murmurs in his head for something to help him.
Kanan... he thought. I could really use you right now. I'm not any good at this without you.
His next breaths shuddered a bit. Kanan wasn't with him. Maul wasn't either. They were both far away. He was alone. The only one who could help him was himself, and he was too traumatized and broken to do it.
Something... nudged his mind at that. Ezra seemed to feel, all of a sudden, a shift in the air around him, a thought almost like a voice whispering in his head.
Not alone.
Ezra glanced up, confused and curious.
The cell was still and quiet. But something seemed to filter through the clouds in his mind. Kanan's voice echoed from a memory in his head, warm and gentle.
"The Force is with you, Ezra. Always. You're never alone."
Ezra strained to recall when he'd said it. It seemed so long ago. Ezra thought they might have been on the plains of Lothal, practicing something that blurred for him now, but he remembered tuning Kanan out and Kanan complaining that he didn't listen, and a lecture on how the Force was always speaking to them, they just had to open their ears to hear it.
He exhaled slowly.
Okay, he decided, his body calming down, the shaky nerves inside him stilling, for once. Okay, I'm listening.
He waited for a moment, holding his breath, quiet.
Calm settled into him, lengthening the space between his heartbeats. He waited to hear what the Force would whisper, opening his mind and ears.
The next memory that drifted into his head was that of the golden training dojo, the warm brown hand on his shoulder, a kind face speaking encouragement to his heart.
"You have already taken many steps forward. When you are ready for the next... I will be here."
Ezra mulled over that a moment or two. Then, he shifted position, getting up on his knees, relaxing his shoulders and laying his hands flat on his thighs.
All right, he thought, a calm resolution settling over him. I think... I think I'm ready.
He let out a long breath, closed his eyes, and reached out in faith to the Force.
Warmth pulsed slowly around him. His breathing relaxed, the clamps easing away, melting into softness.
He slipped deeper and deeper into meditation. His mind stilled, all thought and sensation fading away, into the fabric of the Force, which ebbed and flowed, drifting around him, through him, steadying his breaths.
All sound quieted.
The warmth rose around him, intensifying. A shift in the light on his closed eyelids told him he was there.
He opened his eyes to the yellow-lit training room, and Depa Billaba seated calmly across the mat in front of him.
She smiled.
"Hello padawan," she said. "I'm glad to see you."
(A/N)- *whispers* Hello yes let me slide you a few chapter notes.
1. Told y'all Hondo was going to come into play. He genuinely loves Ezra and he has Ezra's uncanny ability to make super useful connections to people. (Seriously, how many main characters did Hondo just... encounter over the course of The Clone Wars? It got hilarious.)
2. Protective Dad Kanan coming out, now that they're closer to finding Ezra than ever before.
3. And Ezra finally stops spiraling! With a little help from the Force of course.
Tune in next week for the long-awaited second Force Therapy session! It's gonna be a good one.