A/N: Sorry about all that weird stuff with the last chapter guys, I've had some issues with the numerical order of the chapters with this story. That's partly my fault, but hopefully it won't happen again. :/ All that aside, hope you enjoy the chapter!
To be honest, I'm not really the biggest fan of the news. Most of the time it just displays pain and suffering. It really makes you lose faith in humanity. That, or it's something completely arbitrary that nobody asked for. Yeah, I don't think anyone cares that some random celebrity was seen at the supermarket or whatever.
I didn't really pay much attention to the TV, even when they mentioned Ladybug and Chat Noir. Or maybe because part of me still missed Dad's old TV. Or maybe because I still didn't want anything to do with Ladybug or Chat Noir.
"Don't forget, tonight. Face To Face, live with Ladybug and Chat Noir." Nadja Chamack told the audience, grinning.
I slumped deeper into the old couch, fiddling with a sewing needle. Dad came over, carrying a cup of water.
"Wow, an interview with Ladybug and Chat Noir," he remarked, taking a sip from the cup. "Will you be tuning in, John?"
"Nope," I replied.
"Aw, John, it's the new TV," Dad told me. "Don't you wanna see everything it's got?"
"It's second-hand," I argued. "It's not that much better than the old one. Plus, it's not like I've never seen a TV before."
Dad whimpered, giving me his pouty face. "Aw, all I wanted to do was watch some TV with my favourite son, but I guess not…"
He kept staring at me with big glossy eyes. I internally groaned.
"Alright, fine, we'll watch the stinking interview together," I sighed.
Dad's pouty lips turned into a smile. I rolled my eyes, giving him a small smile in return. What can I say, Dad's smiles were pretty contagious.
"Well, Face to Face isn't on until later," Dad said. "That gives me plenty of time to make some popcorn."
My small smile grew a little wider. A peaceful night in with just dad and I… it almost felt like a dream come true. But of course, like everything, it wasn't going to end well.
Surprisingly enough, nothing much happened leading up to the interview. Yeah, I can't believe it either. I just mooched around at Dad's for the rest of the day, watched some anime, had a 30 minute nap… okay, it was two hours, but it was meant to be 30 minutes, I promise.
Before long, it was evening, which meant it was time for the interview to start. Dad and I sat in front of the TV, its second-hand screen glowing brightly. And of course, a bowl of popcorn was between us. We were both in a pretty swell mood.
You're probably thinking, John, when's the crazy stuff happening? We didn't ask for this nice happy stuff! We want to see you suffer!
Of course you do. Just wait and see, you sinners.
On the TV, of course, was Nadja Chamack seated in her chair. Across her was none other than Ladybug and Chat Noir.
"Good evening," Nadja said. "I'm Nadja Chamack and this is Face To Face. For our first edition, I welcome the beloved guardians of Paris - Ladybug and Chat Noir."
The superheroes in question waved at the camera.
"Hello, thanks so much for accepting this exclusive live interview." Nadja smiled at them.
Ladybug grinned. "Well, thank you Nadja, we're honoured to be here."
"And hello to all my fans!" Chat Noir blew kisses and winks at the camera. I rolled my eyes so hard they nearly went back into my head. My dad sniggered, seeing my face. I dug my hand into the popcorn bowl, still scowling.
"I'm sure thousands have tuned in to watch you tonight." Nadja told the heroes.
"Don't encourage him, Nadja, or the cat won't stop purring all night." Ladybug sighed.
"Don't listen to her," Chat Noir teased. "Bugaboo's just a spot jealous."
Ladybug rang the bell around his neck. "Hey, I thought we agreed on no more Bugaboo calling, pussycat."
"But it's so cute," Chat Noir chuckled.
"Ughhhhhhhhh," I groaned. "This is cheesier than American cuisine..."
Dad burst out laughing.
Nadja giggled nervously. "It's obvious you two are very close. People know you but they don't really know you. We see you saving Paris but we don't know anything else about you."
Maybe that's for the best, I thought. You'd be mighty disappointed if you knew the truth…
"We won't be keeping anything from you, Nadja." Chat Noir winked.
"Well we do have to keep a few secrets, including our identities of course." Ladybug smiled.
"Absolutely!" Nadja glanced at her wrist for some reason. "How about we start off with a few questions from your biggest fans?"
"Oh, John!" Dad gasped. "We should call in!"
"No thanks," I grunted.
"Hello caller," Nadja directed our attention to a large monitor. "State your name and your question."
"Err, seriously Nadja?" Of course, it was none other than Chloé Bourgeois. "Surely, no one would be the first caller but me. I'm only the most prestigious fan of Ladybug."
"This show is seriously going to go downhill if that spoiled brat takes up the runtime," Dad grunted. "Come on John, give me the phone. I'll call in."
He was giving me one of his 'Dad looks'; the looks that I really couldn't say no to. I groaned, handing him the phone.
"And don't forget my Daddy is the manager of the Grand Paris, the best luxury hotel in the entire city." Chloé bragged, humble as always.
"Err, thank you for reminding us," Nadja coughed. "What is your question, Chloé?"
"Oh, I don't have a question," Chloé winked. "I just wanted to say hi, since as you all know, we're such very good friends - Ladybug, Chat Noir and I!"
"Dad, are you sure about this?" I asked Dad, trying to, you know, make him get the hint.
"Of course," Dad grinned at me, typing the number into his phone. "We'll make it a great show! Don't you have questions for Ladybug and Chat Noir?"
"You have no idea," I sighed.
"Uh, thank you, Chloé Bourgeois - next caller…" Nadja hurriedly pressed her remote. Dad's phone was dialling away.
Please don't let our call be accepted… I thought.
"Hello!" Dad waved at the phone's camera, his face appearing on the monitor on the TV. Social anxiety suddenly kicked in full force, and I slipped behind the couch, faster than a ninja.
"Oh, hello," Nadja waved at him. "State your name and question, please."
"Abbé Couture," Dad replied. "And my question is…" He frowned, tapping his chin. "Hmm… John, what's my question?"
Kill me now, I thought, banging my head against the couch. My cheeks were burning. I imagined I looked like a tomato.
"Oh!" Dad snapped his fingers. "Uh… so, how do you keep your secret identities hidden so well?"
Oh my God. I nearly jumped out the window right then and there. The broadcast would've turned into a mockumentary about the life of a loser who can't stand anyone.
"Good question," Nadja turned to the superheroes. "What do you have to say to that?"
"Well, that's a secret, of course," Ladybug teased. "They're secret identities for a reason, aren't they?"
"We're just invisible to the eye," Chat Noir waved his claws. "Masters of disguise."
'Masters of disguise' my ass, I scowled. The only real impressive thing here is everyone's blind ignorance!
"Well, thank you for your question, Mr. Couture," Nadja turned off Dad's call, thank the gods. I saw her hesitate for a second; worry spread across her face. "Uh, Ladybug, Chat Noir, um, so a lot of fans think of you as a couple of superheroes. But also, and I quote unquote, as a couple. Period."
"This isn't going to end well," I grunted, slipping back onto the sofa.
"John!" Dad grabbed my arm. "Did you see that?! I was on TV!"
"Yeah, Dad, I saw," I grumbled. "I was literally right there."
"Can you confirm that you're dating here, tonight?" Nadja asked the superheroes.
"Uh-uh-I'm very sorry Nadja, but we're superheroes," Ladybug stammered. "We're not here to answer such personal questions."
"Meow, m'ladybug's grown claws." Chat Noir teased.
Why is everyone so obsessed with them being a couple? I thought. Can't people just be friends?
"We're here to ensure all Parisians that they're safe and that it's only a matter of time before we defeat Hawk Moth, that's all." Ladybug informed her.
"Fine," Nadja scowled, furrowing her brows. "How do you explain these photographs then?"
The screen then showed many photos of Ladybug and Chat Noir doing romantic stuff, that were probably taken out of context. Also known as doxxing.
"What? When did that happen?!" Chat Noir demanded.
"I was saving you, not kissing you!" Ladybug insisted.
"It's so obvious that you're both in love." Nadja said, more images being shown on the screen.
"These are just a bunch of photos taken out of context!" Ladybug insisted. "We're only doing our job. We save the city every day, we're not a couple."
"The only couple here is the couple of fucks I don't give," I said, rolling over.
"John, swearing in English is still swearing," Dad crossed his arms. "I know enough English to recognise those words."
"Whatever," I put a pillow over my face.
"C'mon, the audience awaits your answer." Nadja told the heroes.
"This interview is so over." Ladybug began dragging Chat Noir out of the studio, which was arguably more entertaining than any of the romance talk.
"Hey... wait you two, the show is not over yet," Nadja called. "Your fans will be disappointed if they don't get an answer!"
"If they are true fans, they'll understand." Ladybug told her.
"The Lady's right!" Chat Noir agreed, as he and Ladybug waltzed out the door.
After that, the broadcast finished. An ad began playing.
Dad made a face. "What was all that about?"
"Who knows," I sighed. "Let's just watch something else."
Dad shrugged. "Sure..."
Dad flicked through the channels, but there wasn't much on, kind of a bummer.
He sighed. "Man, I wish something good was on…"
Suddenly, the screen glitched. And then out of nowhere, a freaky-looking woman was on screen. She wore a pixel-textured head helmet with a light blue visor, while her hair, being stiff, shiny, and wild was on the outside. Because of the visor, her lips and pupils were glowing pink while the rest of her face was blue. She wore a dark blue pixel-textured bodysuit with a pattern of glowing light blue rectangular outlines connected with lines. The bottom of the suit combined with fuchsia high platform shoes.
"Welcome to a new show, hosted by me, Prime Queen!" she cackled.
"What the Hell is this crap?!" Dad shouted.
"Don't be bemused, it's just the news," Prime Queen declared. "Tonight, Ladybug and Chat Noir disappointed all their loyal fans by refusing to admit their love for one another." Our living room appeared on the screen. "I've prepared some trials just to see how far they're prepared to keep the truth hidden from us."
Then she literally broke the fourth wall by stepping through our TV screen, holding out her freaky glowing hands. In person she was ten times as ugly and terrifying.
Dad stood up. "Get away from us!"
Of course, Prime Queen turned to me.
"This is your son, isn't it, Mr. Couture?" she asked Dad. "He doesn't look very intelligent, but something tells me he could be a very interesting part of the trial."
"Don't touch him," Dad threatened, standing in front of me.
"Fine then!" Prime Queen grinned, wickedly. "I'll take the both of you instead!" She turned to the audience. "I'm sure you remember Mr. Abbé Couture for asking that fantastic question. I bet he and his son have plenty more to offer us!"
Then, like the psycho she was, she tied my dad and I up with rope.
"Let us go!" Dad demanded.
"I'm afraid I can't do that, Mr. Couture!" Prime Queen laughed. "The show's just beginning!"
She grabbed the both of us with Super Saiyan strength, throwing us through the screen. All of the sudden, we were in a freaking moving subway, with a screen watching over us. And of course Chloé Bourgeois was there as well, tied up. So yep, we were all tied up, hopeless and useless as usual.
"Ugh, this can't be happening to me!" Chloé shrieked, rubbing against a pole to remove gum from her jacket. "I never, ever take the subway train! It's so, so, so not me!"
"Sorry we don't all have limousines and chauffeurs to drive us around," I grunted.
"Oh, and you're here too," Chloé groaned at me. "Why do I have to keep getting stuck with you, Jaune?!"
You and me both, I sighed.
"Welcome, to the subway of suspense!" Prime Queen addressed the screen. "If it reaches seventy miles per hour, you can say goodbye to your precious little friends."
The subway was definitely getting faster and faster. Sweat pooled down my face.
"Well, well, look here, the ratings are rising!" Prime Queen cackled. "More and more of you want to know if our superhero friends will get here on time. The suspense is killing them!" She laughed. "Ladybug! Chat Noir! Are you willing to travel through the screen to save your darling civilians?"
"Help us, please!" Dad cried.
"Ladybug, Chat Noir!" Chloé whined. "I beg you, save my jacket!"
You can really see the priorities between the rich and the poor. Luckily, the two superheroes popped into the subway to save the day.
"Ugh, finally, what took you so long?" Chloé complained. "Hurry up and get me out of this underground nightmare!"
I may or may not have shoved her over.
"Whoa!" Chloé fell on her face. "John, that was you! I know it was!"
"You're about to be the stars of the highest rated show in all of TV history!" Prime Queen cackled.
"The akuma must be in that watch!" Ladybug gasped. "I'll deal with Prime Queen."
"I'll deal with the door." Chat Noir said.
Ladybug tried to attack Prime Queen, but she jumped back into the screen.
"The rules for my show are simple, admit the truth live on TV that you're dating and in love and I'll stop the train!" Prime Queen boomed, her face leering down from the screens.
"A superhero never lies!" Ladybug told her. "We won't admit to something that's not true."
"Not even for us?" Dad asked, biting his lip. "Just this once! Lie so you can save us, dammit!"
Ladybug and Chat Noir glanced at each other, faces shadowed over. Then they nodded.
"Okay, Prime Queen," Ladybug held Chat Noir's hand, which made his eyes go huge, like a real cat's. "You win. I confess, Chat Noir and I are dating, like you said. We are…" She spoke slowly, like a good pot roast, "in… love."
The train suddenly slammed on the brakes. Dad grabbed my arm, stopping me from falling over and breaking my nose. Ladybug conveniently landed on Chat Noir's chest like some kind of anime.
"Our two heroic lovebirds are saving their fans' life by admitting their true feelings," Prime Queen gushed, the rating meter going almost off the charts beside her. "Our viewers are going crazy! But, our TV ratings haven't maxed out yet. You must do better!"
"Then come and join us, Prime Queen," Ladybug said. "You're the host and the star of the show after all. Then you'll have your ratings."
"My show, my rules, Ladybug!" Prime Queen scowled. "To prove that your feelings are genuine, you're going to have to take off your masks, which means you must both give me your Miraculous!"
"Not a chance, Prime Queen!" Ladybug shook her head.
"Wait, I know how we can prove our feelings," Chat Noir grabbed Ladybug's shoulders, and leaned in. "Pucker up!"
I cringed and looked away. Dad rolled his eyes at me.
"Not a chance, kitty." Ladybug pushed Chat Noir's face away. Prime Queen frowned with disappointment, and the screen switched off.
"Is the show over?" Chat Noir asked.
"I hope so," Dad muttered to me. "Maybe we can finally get off this crazy-"
All of the sudden, a creepy, glowing hand grabbed my shoulder, almost crushing it. With a huge tug, it jerked me backwards.
"Dad!" I shouted.
"HEY!" Dad cried, leaning towards me. "LADYBUG! CHAT NOIR!"
But it was too late. I was dragged into a screen, everything going white. When the white cleared, I was still tied up, in complete darkness. There was this really weird, musky smell all around me. I couldn't help but whimper. I swear I was having a fever dream or something.
"My dear viewers, you are in for the reveal of a lifetime!" I heard Prime Queen's voice booming outside. Then my prison opened; I was trapped inside a sarcophagus, inside the Louvre museum. I got flashbacks to the time I almost got sacrificed to bring a character from One Piece into the real world.
"Get me outta here!" I yelled, struggling like an idiot.
"Oh, Johnathan Couture, always around Ladybug and Chat Noir," Prime Queen cackled. "Surely you must have a special connection with them!" She grinned, wickedly. "Next trial, your Miraculous! Or else your biggest fan will be mummified!"
I wasn't sure whether to feel terrified about potentially being mummified or offended by being referred to as Ladybug and Chat Noir's 'biggest fan'.
The sarcophagus closed, trapping me in the musky darkness once again. Prime Queen kicked me over, causing me to bang my head against the walls.
"The time has come to push those ratings sky high!" I heard Prime Queen boom. "Let's try this again. Remove your Miraculous and reveal your true selves! The whole world is watching you!"
Then Prime Queen picked the sarcophagus up, causing me to bang my head again. Seriously, these villains have no common decency whatsoever.
"There's no use looking for a way out!" Prime Queen cackled. I heard her snap her fingers. "Unless, you want to see your biggest fan in deep water."
I was about to complain about the biggest fan comment, when I heard the sound of rushing water. I gulped. I had a pretty bad feeling about what that was.
"Hurry up, you two," Prime Queen taunted. "Don't wanna keep your audience waiting."
The rushing water was getting louder. I realised that I really needed to take a leak.
"Hurry up, she's about to push John in the water!" I heard Chat Noir shout from… somewhere. Pun intended, I was pretty in the dark about everything.
"One minute!" Ladybug answered.
"That's too long!" Chat Noir exclaimed.
"Listen to the cat," Prime Queen agreed, pushing me further towards my watery doom.
"Voilà!" Ladybug gasped.
"What's happening?" Prime Queen demanded. I felt the same way. I also wished my sarcophagus had a toilet because I was seriously busting at this point.
"Fine, you win, Prime Queen," Ladybug declared. "We'll remove our Miraculous. The whole world will see us without our masks!"
"And we're about to kiss!" Chat Noir agreed. "Shame you're missing it!"
There's no way she'll fall for that, but I honestly couldn't care less, I thought. I just need a bathroom, now.
"If you're lying, you're going to regret it." Prime Queen growled. I had to admit, Prime Queen was one of the more gullible villains I'd seen. Then a few seconds later, I heard her shouting, and some more fighting nonsense going on. I had never been so confused and annoyed in my life.
"MIRACULOUS LADYBUG!"
All of the sudden, I was back in the living room with my dad, sitting on the couch. He gasped, then pulled me in for a tight hug.
"What the…?" I blinked. My head was spinning, and I still needed to pee.
"Oh, John, thank God you're safe," Dad breathed out in relief. "I thought you were going to drown!"
"I don't think I'll die that easily, I'm afraid," I groaned.
Dad sighed heavily, leaning back against the couch. We sat in an awkward silence for a while.
"Well," Dad crossed his arms. "I don't think we'll be watching anything together for a while."
"Probably not," I agreed. "But in case we do… let's watch something good next time."