I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters.
Panic Attack
Alex loaded his and Ginny's trunks, then turned to Luna. Ginny was waving to her mother and father out the window with a halfway-subdued smirk. Alex rolled his eyes, glancing at Harry, Ron, and Hermione, Harry looking distracted by his thoughts, Ron grinning knowingly, and Hermione smirking into her Ancient Runes schoolbook.
"I need to talk to you in private," Harry muttered to Ron and Hermione.
"Go away Ginny," Ron said instantly.
"Oh, that's nice," Ginny huffed leaving.
Alex sighed and followed, Luna just behind him. They all walked to another compartment where Neville was sitting with Dean and Seamus, joining them.
"Hello Alex," Neville said. "Good summer?"
"Mostly," Alex nodded. "My family's really worried about me going back to school after I got petrified last year."
"That's understandable," Seamus said.
"True, but it still made it hard to actually go," Alex said. "They're amazing at guilt tripping."
The others all laughed.
"How about you, Ginny, Luna?" Dean asked.
"Good," Ginny said. "Percy's been fun to poke fun at about his girlfriend." Her eyes flicked to Alex as her smirk returned.
"My summer was good," Luna smiled, though she didn't go into detail.
"Why aren't you sitting with Harry and the others?" Neville asked.
"They kicked us out," Ginny said.
"They're starting their trouble already," Alex said.
"Oh, not again!" Neville moaned miserably.
"It's alright, Neville," Alex said, pulling out his book of spells. "Made any progress on your spells, Ginny?"
"A bit," Ginny nodded, pulling out the original copy Alex had given her. "I haven't gotten to practice all summer, but I think I have the Shield Charm down."
"Let's find out," Alex said, pulling out a Knut. He flicked it at her, and she cast the Shield Charm, only for the coin to simply wobble slightly and drop into her lap.
She sighed heavily. "Guess not."
"It's a tricky one to get the hang of," Alex said. "Any others?"
"I can do the Bat-Bogey Hex," Ginny said.
"Nice!" Alex grinned. "Personally, I think I'm going to find an excuse to hit Malfoy with the Babbling Curse this year. I hope there's still a dueling club. That'd be a perfect excuse."
"Do you really need an excuse?" Seamus asked.
"If I want to avoid losing House Points, yes," Alex nodded.
They launched into an animated discussion of how best to find an excuse to jinx Malfoy, as well as which they'd like to see him hit by. Even Luna chimed in from time to time. She suggested the Babbling Curse, then the Singing Jinx, and everyone laughed at the prospect. however, bringing up the Singing Jinx brought another thought to Alex's mind. He needed to be very careful about that jinx himself, due to the ramifications of his own singing voice being used. After a few hours, a storm started, growing bad quickly. Alex left to change into his robes in the bathroom, the others all changing as well, then all returned to the compartment. However, after another half hour, the train began to slow. Alex frowned, looking out the window.
"We're not there yet," Alex said. "Why're we stopping ear-"
The train lurched to a stop suddenly and a series of thuds and bangs sounded as luggage toppled from the racks. Alex stepped out of the door and looked around, seeing heads poking out of compartments and looking around. Just as he and Harry looked at each other, the lamps of the train suddenly went out, plunging the train into complete darkness.
"What's happening!?" Neville asked, sounding panicked.
"No idea," Alex said, drawing his wand. "Lumos." Light filled the train, around him and he glanced at the others. "I'll be right back. I'm going to see if Harry or the others know what's going on."
Seamus and Dean nodded but Luna and Ginny both stood. The three of them walked to Harry's compartment, finding a man sleeping against the window in slightly faded robes, his light brown hair flecked with grey and his face gaunt and pale. Alex sat in one of the empty seats, and Ginny in the other. Alex was about to stand so Luna would have a place to sit down, only for her to settling onto his lap. His wand's light winked out instantly, but he still saw the grin on Ron and Ginny's faces.
"So, Alex," Ron said, his voice dripping with smugness.
"Why've we stopped?" Alex said to make him shut up.
"No idea," Harry said.
there was a squeaking sound from the window as Ron wiped a spot clean to look out of it. "There's something moving out there. I think people are coming aboard."
"I'm going to go and ask the driver what's going on," Hermione said.
"Quiet!" a hoarse voice hissed. "Stay in your seat."
"Who's that?" Alex asked.
"Professor Lupin," the voice said. "I'm the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."
A soft crackling sounded and a flickering light filled the compartment. Lupin was holding a small ball of flames in his hand, illuminating his tired face, but his eyes looked alert and wary. Alex tugged his collar up, but Lupin didn't even look around. He was staring intently at the door to the compartment.
"Stay where you are," Lupin said, standing and taking a step toward the door, only for it to slide open.
Silhouetted in the doorway, illuminated by the shivering light of Lupin's flames, stood a cloaked figure that towered all the way to the ceiling. Alex glanced over the figure's entire form and saw a greyish, slimy-looking, scabbed hand for the briefest of moments before the hand suddenly disappeared into the cloak. The figure sucked in a long, slow, rattling breath, and suddenly it was cold. Alex shivered, feeling Luna doing the same, and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tighter against him just as Harry went limp, collapsing onto Hermione's side. She caught him, eyes wide with fright and worry as the cold rapidly began to bore into Alex. Suddenly, he could hear a voice. It was faint, as though from a hundred feet away, and it was only muttering, but he could make out a few words.
"Freak...more ashamed...worst mistake possible...better off this way."
He looked around, seeing that everyone was pale and shaking, but Harry had gone rigid and fallen to the ground, shaking as though having a mild seizure. Lupin stepped over Harry, wand in-hand.
"None of us is hiding Sirius Black under our cloaks!" Lupin said forcefully. "Go!"
The cloaked figure remained where it was, the cold intensifying rapidly. Lupin raised his wand, muttering an incantation under his breath. Suddenly, a ball of silver light shot out of his wand and at the figure, only for it to recoil and turn, gliding away quickly. The silver thing faded and Hermione and Ron knelt beside Harry, trying to wake him up as the lights came back on and the train began to move again. Lupin turned and began to dig around in his briefcase. Luna turned, still shivering, and tucked her face into the crook of Alex's neck, her skin feeling ice cold, though Alex was sure his was probably just as cold as hers.
Finally, Harry stirred just as Lupin began to break apart a chocolate bar, passing Harry a large piece before passing the rest of them some as well.
"What was that thing?" Harry asked.
"A dementor," Lupin said, putting the empty wrapper in his pocket. "One of the dementors of Azkaban. Eat. It'll help. I need to speak with the driver. Excuse me."
He left and Ron and Hermione began to explain to Harry what had happened. Alex ate his chocolate slowly, grateful that no one said anything about him still having an arm around Luna, or her still having her head resting on his shoulder as she also ate her chocolate. Ginny gave a small sob and Alex stuck the rest of his chocolate in his mouth before wrapping his free arm around her, Mouse slipping out of Alex's pocket and hopping onto Ginny's shoulder, rubbing himself against her face and making her smile, despite the tears in her eyes. She reached up to stroke his feathers and gave Alex a grateful smile, but then leaned forward slightly and smirked, wiping her eyes.
"Careful not to make Luna jealous," Ginny whispered to him.
He took his arm back, shoving her lightly and she laughed, scooping Mouse down into her lap and petting him.
Lupin returned after a few minutes, letting them know they'd arrive in ten minutes. They all remained silent for the rest of the trip, then hurriedly left the train as soon as it reached Hogsmeade Station. The rain was pelting down on them in icy sheets, soaking them all, and they all quickly made their way to the stagecoaches, Alex, Luna, and Ginny getting in with Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Ron grinned instantly, but as he opened his mouth, Alex kicked him in the shin and he glowered at him.
They trundled along in silence, soon reaching a pair of magnificent wrought iron gates set into a pair of massive stone pillars tipped with statues of winged boars. Floating on either side of the gate, however, were another pair of dementors. The same icy chill rolled through the carriage as they drew near and Luna's hand clamped down on Alex's. He turned his so that he could wrap his fingers around her hand and held it firmly, feeling her squeeze a little harder as they passed the dementors. Then, finally, they were past and the carriage began to warm. Luna's grip slackened, but she didn't take her hand back, so Alex made no move to release it. Finally, the Thestral pulling the carriage slowed to a stop and they all climbed out, Luna finally releasing Alex's hand. Once Alex was on the ground, he stroked the Thestral's side once before turning at the sound of Malfoy's drawling voice.
"You fainted, Potter?" Malfoy scoffed. "Is Longbottom telling the truth? You actually fainted?" Malfoy elbowed past Hermione, his eyes glinting with wicked glee.
"Shove off, Malfoy," Ron growled, his jaw set.
"Did you faint, too, Weasley?" Malfoy asked loudly. "Did the scary old dementor frighten you, too, Weasley?"
Alex's wand began to warm and he reached over to it, only for Luna to catch his hand. Malfoy's eyes lit up instantly, but as he opened his mouth to start in on Alex, another voice spoke.
"Is there a problem?"
Lupin had stepped out of the next carriage. Malfoy gave Lupin an insolent stare, his eyes drifting over the patches in Lupin's robes and the dilapidated suitcase.
Finally, his voice bearing a hint of sarcasm, Malfoy said, "Oh, no...er...Professor."
He smirked at Crabbe and Goyle and led them into the castle, Luna releasing Alex's hand once he was out of danger of being hexed by Alex. Hermione prodded Ron in the back to get him moving, and they all headed into the Entrance Hall together.
Barely three steps through the door, a voice called out to them. "Potter! Granger! I want to see you both!"
Alex glanced at Professor McGonagall, calling out to them over the heads of the arriving students.
"Already in trouble Harry?" Alex asked.
"But I didn't even do anything this time!" Harry said.
"You, too, Pruitt," Professor McGonagall called.
"Oh, com on!" Alex groaned quietly. "I didn't even jinx him yet!"
The three of them fought their way through the students to Professor McGonagall, Alex tugging his collar up on the way.
"No need to look so worried," Professor McGonagall said. "I just want a word with you in my office. Move along, you three."
Ron, Ginny, and Luna all followed the rest of the students hesitantly and the three she wanted to speak with followed her up the marble staircase and down a corridor to her office. Once inside, they all sat and she turned to them.
"Professor Lupin sent an owl ahead to tell me you were taken ill on the train, Potter," Professor McGonagall said.
Just then, someone knocked on the door, and Madam Pomfrey entered, Harry's face growing red instantly.
"I'm fine," Harry said. "I don't need anything."
"Oh, it's you, is it?" Madam Pomfrey asked, bending down to inspect him. "I suppose you've been doing something dangerous again?"
Alex grinned instantly and Harry's face darkened.
"It was a dementor, Poppy," Professor McGonagall said.
The two witches exchanged a dark look before Madam Pomfrey clucked disapprovingly.
"Setting dementors around the castle," Madam Pomfrey said, shaking her head as he pushed him bangs back and felt his forehead. "He won't be the last one who collapses. Terrible things they are. And the effect they have on people who are already delicate."
"I'm not delicate!" Harry argued.
"Of course you're not," Madam Pomfrey said absentmindedly, checking his pulse.
"What does he need?" Professor McGonagall asked. "Bed rest? Should he perhaps spend the night in the Hospital Wing?"
"I'm fine!" Harry said, jumping up.
"Well, he should have some chocolate at the very least," Madam Pomfrey said, trying to check Harry's pupil dilation.
"I've already had some," Harry said. "Professor Lupin gave me some. He gave it to all of us."
"Did he, now?" Madam Pomfrey asked, nodding approvingly. "So we've got a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher who knows his remedies?"
"Are you sure you feel alright, Potter?" Professor McGonagall asked.
"Yes," Harry said.
"I can make sure he eats chocolate," Alex offered.
"Very well," Professor McGonagall said. "Kindly wait outside while I have a word with these two about their course schedules, then we can head down to the feast together."
Harry walked out of the room with Madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall turned to Alex first.
"You signed up for Divination," Professor McGonagall more said than asked, but Alex still nodded. "There's been a slight problem. You've been transferred to Ancient Runes, instead."
Alex frowned. "Why?"
Professor McGonagall hesitated, and Alex sighed.
"Because I'm half Siren?" Alex guessed.
"It's not because of your heritage," Professor McGonagall said. "At least, not directly. The two Divination teachers we have...they feel it's..."
"Is it because Sirens are a death omen?" Alex asked.
Professor McGonagall let out a breath and nodded. "I'm sorry."
"It's alright," Alex said. "I only wanted Divination for a personal reason anyway. Ancient Runes interests me more otherwise. But I don't have the book."
"I took care of it for you, since switching wasn't your choice," Professor McGonagall said, picking a book up off her desk and handing it to him. "Kindly wait outside with Mr. Potter, if you would."
Alex nodded and stepped outside. About three minutes later, Hermione stepped out of the office, positively glowing, and Professor McGonagall escorted the trio down to the Great Hall. The Sorting Ceremony was already over, so they quickly and quietly made their way to the seats Ron and Ginny had saved for them. As soon as Alex sat beside Ginny, he realized he'd made a mistake. Fred and George were on his other side, and all four grinned wickedly at him instantly.
"So, we hear you had a very special seating arrangement on the train," Fred said, just as Dumbledore stepped up to the podium at the front of the Great Hall.
The room went silent instantly, waiting for Dumbledore to speak.
"Welcome!" Dumbledore said. "Welcome to another year at Hogwarts! I have several things to say to you all, and as one of them is very serious, I think it best to get it out of the way before you become befuddled by our excellent feast." He paused to clear his throat before continuing. "As you will all be aware after their search of the Hogwarts Express, our school is presently playing host to some of the dementors of Azkaban, who are here on Ministry of Magic business." He paused again, seeming to be lost in thought for a moment. "They are stationed at every entrance to the grounds, and while they are with us, I must make it plain that nobody is to leave the school without permission. Dementors are not to be fooled by tricks or disguises, or even Invisibility Cloaks."
Alex glanced at Harry and Ron, who glanced at each other knowingly.
"It is not in the nature of a dementor to understand pleading or excuses," Dumbledore continued. "I therefor warn each and every one of you not to give them any excuse to harm you. I look to the prefects, and our new Head Boy and Girl, to make sure that no student runs afoul with the dementors." As Dumbledore paused again, looking around seriously, Percy puffed out his chest proudly. "On a happier note, I am pleased to welcome two new teachers to our ranks this year. First, Professor Lupin, who has kindly agreed to fill the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."
There were some scattered, unenthusiastic applause, with only those who had been in the compartment with Lupin clapping in earnest.
"Look at Snape!" Ron hissed.
Alex looked over and his eyes widened. Snape was openly glaring at Lupin, except that it wasn't hate. Alex knew immediately what the look was. He'd seen it directed at him enough times in his life to know it, especially from his father by the time he turned four. It was loathing. Abhorration.
"As to our second new appointment," Dumbledore continued. "Well, I am sorry to say that Professor Kettleburn, our Care of Magical Creatures teacher, has retired to spend more time with his remaining limbs. However, I am delighted to say that his place will be filled by none other than Rubeus Hagrid, who has agreed to take on this teaching job in addition to his gamekeeping duties."
The Gryffindor table practically exploded with applause. Alex laughed as he saw Hagrid's ruby-red blush. Of course it was him. No one else would have the students buy a living book that bites anyone that tries to read it. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Alex were the last to stop clapping, and Hagrid wiped his eyes on the tablecloth.
"Well, I think that's everything of importance," Dumbledore smiled. "Let the feast begin!"
The tables suddenly filled with food and everyone tore into it. Alex drained his goblet of island water instantly and set it down, the goblet refilling as he tore into his food. Once everyone had eaten their fill, the food was replaced with desert and everyone began to stuff their faces again. True to his word, Alex made Harry eat two thick chocolate bars, eating one himself. Finally, once the tables had cleared themselves of food, Dumbledore gave the word that it was time to head to bed. Harry, Ron, and Hermione headed for the teachers' table immediately, but before Alex could follow, Malfoy intercepted him, grinning wickedly.
"So, the freak finally got himself a girlfriend," Malfoy drawled.
"Get out of my face, Malfoy," Alex growled, his wand warming against his forearm.
"She suits you, you know," Malfoy drawled. "A freak for a freak."
Alex moved to break Malfoy's nose, and probably his skull too, only for Fred and George to catch him by the arms, pulling him away.
"Not worth it," Fred said.
"You'll get payback after the holidays," George said. "Just stay calm for now."
"Good of you to try to defend your girlfriend's honor, though," Fred grinned.
"Shut up!" Alex growled, pulling his arms free, clenching his fists as a knot formed in his stomach. "Not a good time to poke fun."
Both twins raised their hands placatingly. Alex walked up to the common room with them, finding Ginny waiting with a wide grin.
"Now, about that train ride," Ginny said.
"No," Alex said, tugging his collar up roughly, and heading up to his dormitory to get his cigarettes before returning to the common room and lighting it as he crossed to the window.
"No," Percy said instantly, seeming to appear at Alex's side from nowhere. "I'm not letting you break the law any-"
"If you want me to stop smoking talk to Dumbledore!" Alex snapped. "I have his and Professor McGonagall's express permission, so if you have a problem with it, go talk to them, otherwise, piss off! I don't give two shits that you're Head Boy! The only thing it's changed is your ego!"
Percy stared at him, dumbfounded, and Alex pulled almost half of the cigarette, holding it for several moments before exhaling out the window angrily. "Ten points from-"
"Percy!" Ginny snapped, storming over to them and seeming for all the world to be a miniature version of Mrs. Weasley suddenly, actually making Percy take a step back. "You are not taking points from him, just because you tried to tell him off about something he has permission to do while he's actively having an anxiety attack!"
Alex raised his shaking hand to his lips, finishing the cigarette in one go and flicked it out the window, lighting the next, his father's voice once again echoing in his mind as the anxiety attack his anger at Malfoy had set off tore through him.
Percy frowned for a moment before responding. "What are you even having a panic attack about!?"
"None of your god damned business!" Alex snapped, standing and flicking his half-burned cigarette out the window. "If it was any of your fucking business, I'd fucking tell you! Why don't you keep your fucking nose out of my fucking business and stick it back in that fucking Prefect to Prime Minister book and LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!?"
"Alex!" Ginny snapped. "Smoke a cigarette and shut up!"
Alex sat down hard and lit a new cigarette, now shaking so badly he struggled to even do that. As he pulled half of it into his lungs, Fred and George dragged Percy away from him by the arms and Ginny sat beside him, taking a breath to calm herself before picking up his next cigarette and getting it started for him, grimacing. Alex finished his and took the one Ginny had lit. Conversation, and the mood, in the common room was now officially dead, and most of the rest of Gryffindor went to bed, only Harry, Ron, and Hermione staying with Alex and Ginny. Slowly, Alex began to calm down, smoking the cigarettes slower and slower. Just as he finished his last one, the twins returned and passed him another pack. He lit the first and held the smoke in as he slammed his head backward into the stone beside the window, cracking the stone. He exhaled and felt his hands finally still, though his stomach was still clenched painfully and he'd started to develop a cold sweat.
"Are you alright?" Hermione asked worriedly.
"Fine," Alex said curtly. "Malfoy just set off a panic attack I've been holding in since the train."
"What happened?" Ginny asked.
"Malfoy called him and Luna freaks," Fred said, Alex's free hand clenching into a fist, though he felt the knots in his stomach slowly unravelling.
For the first time since he'd met Luna, no one smirked or grinned at him, or made any form of joke about him and Luna being together. They simply remained around him in silence. He glanced around as his father's voice once again filtered into his brain, determined to make him suffer, getting his anxiety going again. He tucked his collar into his shirt and smoked a cigarette through his gills in one go, feeling himself settle quickly, his father's voice finally fading. Alex let out a long, tired sigh, and rested his head back against the cracked stone.
"On the train, when the dementor was there, I heard my father's voice," Alex said, everyone remaining silent. "My mother was a siren he fell in love with, without being under the effects of her charm, but she died giving birth to me, so he took me home to live with him. At first, he was a loving father. He took care of me as best he could. But he had to move around a lot because I was too young to control whether or not my inhuman appearance was hidden or not. He didn't have any friends, his family cut off contact with him, and the stress built quickly. By the time I was four, he'd convinced himself that he'd been manipulated by my mother's charm, and that I was a monster. He hated me. I was a disgusting, inhuman, freak that he was stuck with. He even locked me in a cage and fed me through the bars for months before taking me back to my Siren family. He begged them to take me. He said it was their fault for manipulating him. They refused, so he decided that it'd be better if I was dead. As he was trying to strangle me, he told me over and over that it was for my own good. That I'd be better off dead. My family killed him to save me, and they raised me, but...but I could hear him on the train."
"I heard a woman screaming," Harry said.
"Your mother," Alex guessed. "Dementors feed off of fear and past trauma. With you, and the reason you're so susceptible to them, it's most likely because of the deaths of your parents, even if you can't remember it. The screaming was most likely your mother."
Harry nodded slowly. "That makes sense."
Alex tugged his collar back up into place, lighting one final cigarette before drawing his wand and flicking it at the wall, the crack sealing itself. "Sorry for exploding."
"You have nothing to apologize for," Ginny said. "Percy was way out of line, and everything you said about his ego and him sticking his nose into your business was true."
Alex nodded, finishing his cigarette and flicking it out the window before closing the window and standing, feeling his legs trembling.
"Are you going to be okay?" Ginny asked.
Alex nodded. "I'll be fine. At least until rumors about me having a panic attack make the rounds."
"They won't," Fred said. "We'll make sure of that."
George nodded in agreement and Alex nodded, all of them heading up to their dormitories and going to sleep. Alex regretted it almost instantly, as memories of his time with his father began to play behind his eyes in his dreams.
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