Zelena made breakfast as Alice sat playing with Luna. It wasn't much but Alice had finally gotten to where she'd play with Luna.
"That's fun, good job," Zelena encorauged. She already knew the day might be a bit stressful. Alice had seen cars driving by a few times but other than that had never been near one and she'd have to lesrn how to ride in one. Zelena missed her magic a little at times like these. If she still had it there wouldn't be a need for a car, which would likely stress Alice out a lot more for a lot longwr than just magiking her to where she needed to be.
Everyone ate their breakfast and Alice pointed to her food and then pointed to a drawing in her dictionary that she'd left open on the table when she'd taken a break to play with Luna.
"Yeah, i made eggs." Zelena told her. Alice had started to manage to learn the words for things she wasn't used to, she still didn't really want to talk though. Zelena kept hoping she'd decide to but didn't push. At least if she really wanted something she could at least show what she wanted, as long as it was in one of her books. This wasn't really the most viable long term solution to any problem. But it was something. And Alice needed to have a way she could express what she needed, even if it wasn't the "right" way.
Alice ate her food and immediately went back to flipping through a book..she found the word she wanted.
clean.
Alice pointed to the word.
And the book had backfired. It'd given Alice a way to not use her words even when she knew how. Zelena wasn't sure how to handle this. Alice still needed some help when it came to asking for what she needed, but she couldn't use it as a way to not do what little she already did. She really didn't know how to handle this. She worried she was going to handle it wrong. But she couldn't leave Alice waiting for an answer when she was trying.
Alice pointed to the picture a little more forcefully again. Which Zelena inadvertantly ignored, distracted by her thoughts on how to handle it.
Alice sat there for a moment. I want to clean the kitchen. Or my plate. Don't care.
Alice threw a toy onto the ground. She wanted something and she'd done what she was told to do and it wasn't working.
Zelena got up and gently approached Alice and got down to where she was below her eye level.
"It's okay," Zelena comforted and handed her the toy back. "Let's try again. What do you want?"
Alice grabbed the book and pointed to the word in her dictionary. Zelena had no idea what Alice wanted. Did she want to clean? Did she want help with cleaning something? Was she saying something was or wasn't clean? It didn't make any sense. Zelena knew Alice was already frustrated.
"Ok," Zelena paused for a moment. Please just say it. Alice didn't make any move to communicate further. "Do you think you could say it then or no? It's fine if you can't." It really wasn't fine if she couldnn't, that would be a problem. Alice was supposed to be lewrning how to communkcate better not worse. Zelena worried she'd done something to scare Alice even further. It wouldn't be the first time she'd frightened her.
Alice stared at her. Did she have to? It was so much easier not to. But she would if that's what was wanted from her.
"Caniclean?" Alice rushed the words what felt like ever faster than normal but Zelena accepted it.
"Alright. Good job talking, go ahead." Zelena caught herself before she offered Ailce a high five. That would not be a reward the way Zelena thought it would. It'd just frighten Alice. It was best to just give her what she said she wanted. Zelena hated the fact the best thing she could do was let Alice clean. It really wasn't her responsibility but Alice always wanted to clean up after everyone. She always folded up some of her blankets neatly when she was done using them. Which Zelena didn't really mind, but it wasn't neccesary.
Alice got up to do exactly that. She washed her plate and put it in the drainer then sat down near the sink.
Zelena waited for a few minutes to see if Alice would be encouraged by anything to move bur whwn she wasn't offered her a few choices of what to do.
Alice nodded. She didn't want to speak at all, really. There was an easier way. A way that didn't involve breaking rules and risking pain. Sure, she was pretty sure Zelena wasn't going to hurt her but other people could. And she'd been fine holed up in a corner of the tower. Yeah it hurt sometimes but the corner was her safe space. She missed it. Robin had said it wouldn't solve anything to go back, and Zelena said this was her home now. But it was different and things didn't always make sense. Besides, mother said she deserved the pain. And she believed her.
Zelena knew that Alice was still having a hard time with the fact her entire life had been uprooted twice in the course of a few months. But had no idea how deep that problem alone was. There was just so many things Alice was struggling with it was impossible to handle every single one at once.
She sat down across from Alice who flinched as she walked past.
"You're ok, I'm not going to hurt you," Zelena promised. Alice nodded, that was the problem. She didn't want pain but there was no reason for Zelena to treat her the way she did. She was so gentle. And not the way that mother called gentle. In a way Alice didn't understand. She'd hugged her once and Alice had been confused by it but it hadn't hurt. It kinda felt similar to when Luna put her weight on her to calm her down. There was no good reason for Zelena to be like that.
"Alright, what's wrong?"
Alice stared at her. She didn't know how to explain. She shook her head.
Zelena didn't think it was a good idea to stress Alice out any more than neccesary. "Ok, if you want to tell me later. You can. You don't have to. Or you can tell me now. Either one." Gods. Zelena hated how careful she had to be with her words.
"Do you want to take a nap or do you want to go outside?" Zelena really hoped Alice picked outside.
Alice stared back at her.
"Hey, can you hear me?" Alice stared back at Zelena. She could hear her just fine. She just couldn't deal with how she felt and bring herself to react to anything. She'd spent years holding back how she felt while in severe pain. She no longer had the ability to externally acknowledge when she was extrmely bothered by something. Not all the time. Sometimes she just couldn't manage to say or do much of anything. And right now she was trying to find a reason that Zelena didn't hurt her. Something that didn't make sense to her. And she couldn't bring herself to so much as nod her head let alonr throw anything to exoress that she was upset.
Alice was barely reacting to her envirorment. Even less so than usual.
Zelena picked up a toy Alice lijed and tried to hand it to her. Maybe if she couldn't hear her, she coukd see her. It didn't work.
Now Zelena was concerned. "Alice, are you okay?" Zelena worried even more as Alice didn't respond. Ok where was Luna. Alice clearly needed her. Luna made her feel better. Should she try hugging her? That seemed a bit invasive. But Alice hadn't been against it when she'd tried before. Zelena hugged Alice. Alice knew Zelena was near her. She knew she was touching her. She didn't really feel like anything. It didn't feel like anything to her. Zelena let go when Alice still didn't react. She needed to find Luna.
Luna had gone outside to use the bathroom woth robin who renetered the room and Alice didn't even look up. Luna went and sat on Alice's lap which snapped her out of it a few minutes later.
"Ok, yeah. Good job. It's okay," Zelena had no idea what happened and was worried. She'd seen Alice lose the ability to hear and see things around her before but that had been when she'd thought she was going to beat her. This was when she'd been given a choice about if she wanted to nap or go outside. Was Alice getting worse? Was something bothering her?
Alice pointed at Luna and flipped through her book and found the dog and pointed to it.
"Yeah, Luna's a dog. Can you say that? Or no?"
Alice stared at the book. And pointed to the picture again. Dog. It was a way to say things,
Okay Zelena would admit that was a pretty clever way for Alice to get out of speaking.
Alice thought for a few seconds. That hadn't been what zelena meant. Had it? She wanted her to actually say the word. And now she was going to be angry no matter what. Waan't she? Could she fix it? Was there ant way that she could? Do what she ask! Alice reminded herself.
"Sorrysorrysorry." Alice pointed to Luna. "Dog."
"You're okay, it's okay." At least she was half trying to talk again. "Thank you for communicating. Good job."
"Alright so, do you want to go ourside or take a nap?" Zelena really hoped this didn't cause a problem.
Alice nodded.
"It's okay to talk," Zelena reminded her.
"Outside." Oh thank the gods. Zelena was worried Alice had decided to stop talking. And they really did need to at least try to take her on a car ride. Her first experience with a car coulsn't end in getting shots. That would only make cars scary too. And there were already enough things that Alice was terrafied of.
"Alright, good job talking. Thanks. Let me go get Luna's vest, okay?"
Alice nodded. Where were they going? Here she only went outside if they were going somewhere outside of the yard.
Zelena made sure everything was ready and asked if Robin wanted to join them then everyone headed outside.
Zelena had a car parked near enough to the house it wouldn't be too difficult for Alice to walk to it. Zelena was honestly more worried about it then Alice seemed to be.
Zelena crouched down in front of Alice. "Wr're going to try something new, okay?"
Alice nodded. Was Zelena going to hurt her? Was someone else going to? "If you don't like it, that's fine. Just tell me and you don't have to do it, okay. I'm not going to make you do anything, ok?" Zelena wasn't sure how in hell they'd get to the doctor if Alice hated the car but still didn't want Alice thinking she wawn't allowed to say no if something made her uncomfortable.
Alice nodded. It was different than when mother said she had something she wanted to try then. Alice still didn't trust that it wouldn't be painful. But she couldn't do anything about it.
"Alright." Zelena had Alice follow her to the car.
"Look, Robin can sit next to you. And Luna can sit wherever she can fit." Zelena talked Alice through it as Robin was getting into the other wide of the car.
It took a minute or two for Alice to get into the car. It was something new and she didn't know how to do it. Luna got in too. "Alright. Good job." And now for the one part Zelena worried would be difficult to convince Alice to do, putting on a seat belt.
"I'm just touching something next to you. I'm not going to hurt you. You're okay," Zelena made her intentions incredibly clear. The number of tines Alice had been freaked out by someone grabbing something near her had been an obvious reminder that everyone needed to make sure Alice knew what they were doing. Zelena grabbed a part of the seatbelt. "Ok. You're doing great."
Alice nodded. Zelena was really close to her but other than that this thing didn't seem so bad. It was small and the seat was nicer than the ones in the kitchen. It was a little higher up than the floor but it didn't matter. "Ok do you see the little square thing next to you?" Alice grabbed it. "II'm going to attach this to that. Or you can do iy. Either one."
"I."
"Ok. Go ahead." Zelena gently talked Alice through buckling and the seat belt clicked into place. Alice flinched from the sound but didn't seem too bothered by it. Zelena immediately made sure she was no longer standing practically in the car once she made sure the seat belt was on correctly.
Alice's eyes went wide. She'd been tricked. At least mother told her when she was going to restrain her. And she'd never had her do it to herself. Alice wanted out of this. Alice threw something at the only part of the floor Luna wasn't taking up. She didn't scream but she wanted to. Zelena lied. She wasn't any safer anywhere. But at least she had someone to talk to here. Go away. Go away. Alice pulled her legs up to her chest. Or tried to. When she did the piece of fabric or whatever it was at her waist dug in a little tighter. It wasn't calming. It scared her. She put her legs back down. Luna laid in her lap and Alice reached over for her but the piece of fabric on her chest made that hard to. She could move her arms and legs but it still felt similar to when she'd bern chained to a wall in the tower. Alice held back her tears and waited.
"Hey, hey. It's okay. Whatever you think is happening, let's talk about it. Please."
Alice shook her head violentally. No. She couldn't do this. She'd let herself believe Zelena wasn't going to hurt her. It was a lie, wasn't it? At least mother told her she would hurt her from as ling as she could remember. She never pretended that she wouldn't just to change her mind. Alice didn't understand. She'd done everything Zelena had asked her to do. She'd tried so hard. She waan't good enough for anyone. She'd been fine with that. Why'd anyone have to pretend otherwise?
"I know you're scared. I know it's really frustrating when I don't understand why or when you need something and I don't just know what it is. And thar's okay. It's okay to be scared. It's okay to get frustrated. Can you try to tell me what's wrong?"
Alice Zelena going to actually hurt her now? Was that what was happening? She only knew that when she asked her to go away everyone left her alone. And that then she could do whatever she wanted and no one cared. And she wanted the thing around her body to go away.
"Goaway."
"Ok," zelena walked away. Alice needed space. Maybe. Maybe that's what she was saying. .
No! That's not what I wanted! Alice struggled a bit with the seat belt and then just gave up. Robin was sitting next to her but she didn't care. She let the tears sje'd been holding back fall.
"Okay, do you want mom?"
Alice ignored Robin. No she didn't want her own mother. She wouldn't help either.
"Sorry do you want Zelena?" Alice nodded. She scared her too but she could give her permission to get out of this thing..
"Ok." Robin went and found Zelena who came back to alice sitting l, clearly upset.
"Alright. Try again. What'd you want?"
"Goaway." Zelena was confused. She'd wanted her and then she didn't.
"Ok." Zelena turned around.
Alice shook her head again.
"Mom, that's not what she wants."
Zelena crouched down. "Okay, ww've got this." Zelena had no idea what Alice really wanted but tried anyway.
Alice stared at her. She'd asked more than once but no one understood what she wanted. Alice pointed to the seat belt.
"It's so when the car, the thing you're sitting in, is moving you don't fall and get hurt. What's wrong with it?"
" .punishment."
"It's not a punishment. It's just so you're safe. You didb't do anything wrong. Do you think you can wear it for just a couple of minutes. We can go get ice cream."
Alice nodded as close to excitedly as she could get.
"Alright. Nice. Good job." Apparently ice cream was a good plan.
Zelena got into the drivers seat and warned Alice the car might make some sounds.
They went and got ice cream and Zelena decided that they defintley needed to lrwctice more with riding in a car but otherwise it was fine. Alice still didn't like the seatbelt too much but had been convinced it was a way to get ice cream so didn't mind it as much. And now Zelena just had to worry about how a doctors visitbwas going to go