Day 67 – part 1

There was a bell. A freaky, loud church bell, sounding clearly among the trees of the eerie silent woods. It felt like we were in a scene of a trash horror movie, with a church bell sounding distant yet loud in the woods, the very same woods where Sophia was nowhere to be found. Where nearly the entire group had been wandering for what felt like hours following Daryl's lead. Where a little hope had been found, only to be shredded again when we found it was not Sophia inside that abandoned tent.

So we ran, following the church bell as if the church itself was calling for us, tired, mumbled words saying it could be someone who'd found her, or herself, hope flagging up instantly as we ran, stopping only on the tree line where here was a small graveyard before the church could be seen.

"This can't be it," Shane said immediately as he looked around. "Got no steeple, no bells," but was ignored as Rick started walking fast towards it, Daryl right by his side with me catching up immediately as well as the others followed. Shane still insisted this could not be the right place, the bells should have been coming from somewhere else. The church itself was empty but for three or four dormant walkers who woke up as soon as the opening door made a loud banging noise against the wall. I entered right after Daryl and stood with the others as I watched him along with Rick and Shane killing them all.

"Hey!" I loudly whispered. "Enough! One hit on the brain's enough," making Rick and Shane stop their ploughing into the already dead's heads. We all looked around in a bit of a daze at the silent church, the others oozing in as we started looking around doors and close to the altar, weapons still ready.

"Hey, JC?" Daryl said as he looked at the cross. "You taking requests?" and then he was running out of the church faster than anybody else when the bells started sounding again somewhere absurdly close to us, only so we'd find out the bells were programmed and sounding from a sound box by the side of the church.

"It's a timer…" he told people, disappointment dripping from his voice. "It's on a timer…"

"Fuck," I whispered under my breath, my hand that held a tomahawk rising to clear the sweat from my forehead.

"I'm going back inside…" we all heard Carol's defeated voice announce and most followed her inside, Daryl and I included.

The desperate mother sat on the front row for a moment before kneeling and posing her hands in front of her. She then started praying aloud, crying, somehow blaming herself for what was happening to her daughter, saying she had prayed wrong and that if she had been a bad person, she was the one who should be punished, not Sophia. I felt like running to her and shaking her off of it, telling her she'd been so much as victim of everything as her girl, and that she should never add guilt to the pain she was already feeling. I couldn't, though, so I just took a hard, painful breath and walked away, leaving the church hurriedly through the left side door.

"You okay?" Daryl asked immediately as he followed me out and found me by a tree with my face buried in my hands.

"That's just," I paused to sniffle into my hands. "That's just so fuckin' sad. The things she's saying, what she's feeling..."

"Shouldn't blame herself…" Daryl agreed in a low voice, his crossbow in his hand pointing to the ground as he looked around and at me repeatedly.

"No, she shouldn't…" I lifted my head, hands drying my tears. "She needs to blame someone but don't feel it's right to blame Rick because he didn't mean to, so she's taking the guilt."

Daryl said nothing, just stood there with me, probably at a loss of words. He didn't understand deep feelings, I guess, like most men, he couldn't know what was going through a desperate mother's mind now, so he could only take my words for the truth. I was about to be a mother too; I guess I was abler to imagine her pain than he was.

We saw Andrea and Shane talking as they walked around the graveyard, animatedly, being that in a good way or not.

"Did you know that's what'd happened?" I asked Daryl as I observed them.

"What?"

"Andrea tried to stay at the CDC to die?"

He took a second to answer, "Nah. Just saw how her and Dale were the last ones out."

"She tried to do as Jackie did and Dale didn't let her."

"Yeah, I heard them too."

"That's some deep shit right there, I gotta tell you…"

"We don't gotta think of that now," Daryl moved his eyes from Andrea to look at me again. "She's a hella grown woman. We gotta other things to worry now."

"She's grieving, don't know if she want to be alive or not… All worried about guns and her own pistol and stuff, she's just trying to think o' something else. If she wanted to be dead she'd found a way by now. Wondered to the woods until she found a walker or whatever."

"Yeah, like I said, we gotta other things to worry now."

"Sophia..." I looked down.

"Gonna get dark soon," Daryl told me as he looked up at the sky. "We wandered to far from the road, gotta take these people back."

"Already?" I asked looking at him. "Seems like we just stared…"

"Yeah, it's about four now."

"Feels too early to stop. Like we just started."

"Been at it for hours," he disagreed. "People are tired. Ain't you?"

"Nah, I'm fine. Wanna keep on a while longer."

"They can't. Will get harder to get back to the road later, gotta head back now."

"I ain't the only one," I nodded towards where Rick paced on the graveyard. "He ain't stopping now, I'm sure."

Daryl looked at him too and took a moment to speak, nibbling on his lower lip. "Guilt's eatin' him alive."

"Why he'll keep going. I think I should stay with him."

"You stayin', I'm staying. Shane can get the others back to the road."

I crossed her arms and shook my head a little, "You navigate better than he does. He gets lost on these woods with them all we're fucked again."

"You want me to take 'em back?" Daryl asked nonplussed, turning to now stand facing me, "Split up?"

"I'd rather you go with me but I don't trust Shane to take them back safe. I mean, look at that," I now pointed at where Shane and Rick were now talking, heads low, their bodies tense in agitation. "You think they got an ounce of common sense now between 'em two?" and I uncrossed my arms and started walking towards the two of them. "Nah. I trust you to keep tracking and looking even as you keep them all safe."

"You won't have much light left," Daryl said as he followed me. "Better go back soon. Ya sure you'll find your way?"

"You'll point me," I smiled at him. "Won't get lost."

He just grunted in response, clearly unpleased with my decision, but complied either way. He stopped walking when we reached the others from the group as I kept on walking until I met Rick and Shane. They stopped talking as I arrived.

"Let's continue for a while, you and me," I told Rick. "Daryl will guide the others back to the road. An hour or so, then we gotta head back 'cause it will get dark."

Rick looked at Shane as it seemed to me he was telling his friend that he'd been right about something, because next thing Shane said was, "Alright, fine, but you're going, I'm going," and he left no space for discussion, for the turned to walk away and back to the group. "Ya'll gonna follow the creek bed back, ok? Daryl, you're in charge. Three of us are gonna hang back, search this area another hour or so, just to be thorough."

I could not help but roll my eyes – I'd always found people who rolled their eyes annoying, but I caught myself doing it more than I wished when it came to Shane – I was just glad people were all looking at Shane now not to see it. The man was unbelievable with his need to be the one giving our orders, even when the decisions had not been his, but I had way too much in my head to try to convince him otherwise.

Only Daryl looked at me and saw it, and asked aloud, "You sure 'bout that?"

I nodded as I walked towards him "Yeah, I'm sure. We'll catch up with you guys or meet back at the road."

"Alright," he said only for me when I got near him and the others stopped hearing to pay attention to something little Carl was saying. 'Still got water?"

"I'm out but Shane's got some, we'll share."

"You loaded?" he pointed at my two guns tucked on my shoulder holsters.

"Still full, just hope I won't need it."

"'Kay. See you in a bit," and Daryl turned to leave.

"Hey," I reached out to touch his arm, making him stop and look at me. My hand glided down his arm for a moment before I let go, "Careful out there. Don't die, ok?"

He gave one of those little, one-sided smirks, as if forcing himself not to smile, and said, "I won't," looked at me for another moment to see me nod with a little smile too, and turned away, meeting Lori and Rick along the way. "Here, I got a spare. Take it," as he handed Lori a small gun.

The group walked away to where Daryl led them and I stood there with Rick and Shane and, now that I noticed, Carl.

"Hey," I called him and Carl smiled up at me. "You staying?"

"Yeah!" he said proudly. "I'll help look, she's my friend."

I smiled, shaking my head and looking again at the retreating group, at Daryl's back, and then at Carl again. "You're a brave little man, you know that? Gotta talk your dad into letting me teach you some stuff soon."

"Like what?" his attention peaked.

I nearly regraded saying it because Carl was only too eager to imagine things he wanted to learn how to do. Shoot, use a knife, kill a walker. Shane tried to distract him from this conversation as Rick wandered back into the church for a few minutes, alone. I didn't totally regret saying it, though. I knew he'd have to learn or he'd end up like Sophia, however it was that Sophia had or was going to end up, anyways.

The four of us walked away from the church area a while later, after checking our weapons again and taking small sips of water each, and moved on into the woods. Quietly, we walked in line, Rick opening it, followed by Carl and I, with Shane covering the rear. The woods were uncomfortably warm and wet, bugs finding their spots on our skins to stick on the sweat. I thought Carl would need something for the bites later, hoping we'd found something for it on the cars back on the road. It was all very quiet and it was easy to keep listening to any sounds around and let my mind roam at the same time. I knew I'd have to stop to pee soon and wasn't happy with the though. I hated peeing in the woods.

A noise cut off any wandering thoughts from all of our minds. We stopped, attention peaking, even Carl understanding the need for silence now. It was a rustling sound, like feet walking softly on leaves, but we couldn't see anything yet. Opening the line, Rick pointed to where the sound was coming and we restarted walking, ever so slowly, until it was finally visible. A deer, and a large grown one at that, was pacing just there ahead of us.

"Daryl was here we'd be barbecuing tonight…" I whispered not minding if any of them head me.

Carl was edging close to the deer now, slowly, light on his feet, and I could see, from where I stopped to watch, the joy radiating from him. The deer just stood there with its majestic antlers, head turned to the boy as it too observed him as if it had never seen the dangers of a human before. I caught herself smiling and looking at the other men, who had their eyes trained on Carl, just as stunned as I was.

That, that right there; that was why it was all worth it. Nature was still following its own course, beauty still existed, there was still hope, life. Even with the world decaying, children could still be joyful and see beautiful things. There was hope.

And then hope was shot in the stomach by a rifle.

It took seconds for any of us to register what had happened, and even after we moved, what the fuck had happened was not clear. The loud shotgun still echoed in my ears and Carl was on the ground, as still as the fallen deer before him. Rick ran mumbling no over and over to his son, and I was suddenly not where I had stood anymore, I was across the clearing, both my guns out and trained on a man's head, yelling at him to drop the rifle.

"I didn't see him! I didn't see him, I swear!"

He was on his knees even if I never told him to kneel, his rifle on the floor without hesitation.

"Where the fuck did you come from?!" I yelled, desperation clear on my voice.

Carl was shot! He got shot! My mind kept repeating desperately on the background.

"A farm! There's a farm! Was hunting! You gotta take him there!"

"Where?"

"That way!" he pointed to his left, his tearful eyes travelling from the farm's direction to me and to Carl in a nauseating speed. "Less than two miles, straight ahead, there's no missing it!"

"Why should I take him there?! You fuckin' shot him!"

"Mr. Greene! Hershel! He's a vet! He'll help! Please, take him there!"

I turned, replacing my guns on the holster. As scared as I was I didn't feel like the big, crying man was a threat right now. Shane was right there, his riffle pointing at the man anyways, and behind him Rick shook and held on to Carl.

"There's a doctor!" I yelled.

"Get up!" Shane yelled at the man.

"That way?" I asked pointing.

"Yes!" the man cried as Shane grabbed his arm to make him get up. "Tell him Otis sent you! That there's been an accident! He'll help!"

"You'd better pray he'll help!" I barked at him and turned to Shane. "I'll run ahead, get them ready. Shane!" I cried to make Shane focus on me, his terrifyingly angry eyes finally meeting mine. "I'll run ahead. You drag this sonofabitch with you. Rick!" I turned and ran to him, crouching by his side. "Rick, look at me!" Rick tried to focus on my face, looking up. "There's a farm with a doctor. Shane will lead you there, I'm running ahead!" and I left him and went back to Otis, who was on his feet, a poor shape of a man. "Two miles you said?"

"Give or take, yes, please go, he'll help!"

I heard nothing else. Turning on my spot, I sprint up to a fast run, trees flying past me. It was hard to keep up a good speed with them all around, leaves and twigs all around, but nothing mattered. My legs were burning and I could feel the energy being drained from me at every passing second, but I couldn't stop. It was not an option. Rick was coming with Carl and I had to get to this farm, I had to get them ready, I had to convince them to get ready to help. The shot still echoed in my mind even as I ran, feeling my heartbeat in my head, my wrist aching more than it had ever ached in my life. Worried about the direction and the speed, I couldn't avoid the thin branch in front of my face and felt a sharp, painful sting, but chose to ignore it, even though I could feel the blood coming out of my eyebrow.

No matter. Run, get Carl help. Run, faster.

Finally, after what felt like an hour, I finally crossed a line of trees and found myself in a large, empty field, a sumptuous farm home far ahead. This was it, the hunter who'd shot Carl was telling the truth. It made me run even faster now, no matter how tired I was and how dark the edges of my eyesight were getting. I jumped over a wooden fence that separated the field from the area near the house, and as I did, I saw people coming out of the house to stand on the porch, some female voice yelling. Getting even closer now, I saw a white-bearded man had a rifle in hand, even though he wasn't pointing it at me. I hoped this was the vet Otis had talked about.

"We need help!" I screamed even before stopping in the grassy area before the stairs that led to the porch. "Otis shot someone! A kid! He was hunting and shot a kid!"

Behind the white-bearded man there were two or three women, I couldn't remember because there were bright spots in my eyes now, and blood oozing into my left eye, and one of them said something like "He would never do that!"

"It was an accident. He shot the deer, didn't see the boy. Carl! Got shot right in the stomach! Please, we need help, Otis said you would help!"

"Where is Otis?" the man asked firmly.

"He's on his way, and Rick – the father, is bringing him, I ran ahead –"

"There they are," the other woman with a heavy southern accent pointed to the field. I turned and saw the small dot that was Rick carrying Carl, running as fast as he could.

"That's them!" I turned back to them, "That's Rick, the kid's his son, he's unconscious. Please! Otis said you're a vet, that you could help. Please!"

The man eyed me for another moment, watching me catch my breath, pleading in my bloody eyes – I wasn't even seeing alright – then looked again at the field where Rick was getting closer and thought for a moment. Now, on the line of threes, we could see Otis appear, also running, Shane with him. Seeing Otis was safe, the man seemed to make a decision. He turned to the women on the porch and started giving instructions, both of them followed by a younger one rushing inside to get ready.

I could have cried in relief and breathed out heavily, bending to rest my hands on my knees, before practically crawling to go sit on the porch steps, head instantly falling between my knees as I caught my breath and my vision darkened a bit more.

"Are you okay?" a woman's voice came from behind me.

"Uh, I..." I paused and tried lifting my head, which was more difficult I'd imagined, and looked behind me a bit, seeing the girl standing there just slightly. "Not really... Cut myself. Feeling faint."

The girl said nothing more and I returned to my position, trying to control my body and mind and not fall unconscious when there was someone else who needed more help than me. Looking away, I saw Rick had just crossed the fence and was starting to get closer, Carl's dead weight slowing him down. I forced my body to get up as Rick got nearer.

"Inside," I told him, trying to be firm but failing miserably. "Get him inside, they'll help!"

Ricky was crying and wheezing with Carl limp on his arms, but still he moved on, a hopeful look at me as he climbed the stairs, crossed the porch and stormed into the farmhouse with me on his heels.

"In here!" we heard the farmer's voice from a room and rushed in. "Put him on the bed," the man ordered and Rick obeyed without a second thought. People around were working fast as the doctor instructed them, Rick and I just standing there among them, lost.

"Your name?" Rick stuttered, nearly unable to say his own name, but managed. "Rick, we're gonna do everything we can, ok? You?"

I took a moment, eyes glued on Carl, to understand he was speaking to me. "What?" I looked at him.

"Your name?"

"Sam. I'm Sam."

"Ok, now, Rick, Sam, you need to give us some space. You know his blood type?"

"A positive. Same as mine."

"Yours?" Hershel asked me.

"I'm O neg. I'll give it too."

"No!" Rick surprised everyone by saying firmly, different from his own voice seconds ago. He looked around at people and explained, "She can't donate. She's pregnant."

Hershel looked harder at me for a moment, still bent over to put pressure on Carl's wound. "Maggie, you take Sam away. Take care of that cut and help her rest."

"I'm fine!" I said immediately, a hand rising to wipe the blood from my eye. "Please don't worry about me, Carl's the one –"

"There's plenty of people helping Carl," Maggie told me as she approached and unceremoniously grabbed my hand. "Come on."

"No, no, please, it's fine, I'm okay!"

"Please Sam, we need you fine too…" Rick asked me, his voice tired and desperate, and I stopped. There was really nothing I could do in that room, even though I'd like nothing more than to help, and Rick was already too concerned and despairing too much to need to worry about me too. So I nodded, looked at Carl once again and huffed a breath before allowing Maggie to drag me out.

"You too Rick, we need space!" Hershel kept saying as I left. "But don't go too far, we'll need your blood."

I barely noticed Otis cross by me, even though he did look desperately apologetic, he entered the room Rick and I left. Shane was there and went straight to Rick, holding him, wiping the blood from his friend's face, but I was away from them, being sat on the dining room table in front of Maggie so fast I didn't even see anything happening. The edges of my sight were growing darker again ad Maggie placed a bowl with water in front of me, cotton, bandages, and a bucket on the ground.

"You look like throwing up at any moment," Maggie explained at my questioning gaze. "Here, have some water."

"Lori doesn't know… Lori doesn't know!" Rick's voice came from the next room.

"Who's Lori?" Maggie asked me as I gulped on the water, only now noticing how terribly thirsty I'd been. I swallowed and dried my lips with the back of my hand, not seeing the dark smudge it left there.

"Carl's mom…"

"There's more of you?" Maggie said as she lifted a cloth to my face and stared wiping the blood.

"We got a group. We're stuck on the road, we lost a girl, we're looking for her. Lori's with them, we were on the woods looking for Sophia and they are heading back to the road… Lori doesn't know…"

"Why did I let him come with us?" Rick was crying, Shane knelt on the floor in front of him. "I should've sent him with Lori!"

Shane was saying things to him now but from across the room I couldn't hear, and for the moment I couldn't hear anything else because everything went dark and all the water I'd drank refused to stay in. Maggie was quick enough to grab the bucket for me to throw up in. I only faintly heard the door to the room being opened and Hershel calling Rick back in, saying he'd need the blood.

We all heard Carl then. He woke up and was screaming, loud, blood curling cries coming from inside the room and I make it to move, to instinctively get up and go there, but Maggie stopped me by pacing a hand on my forearm and shaking her head slowly. There was nothing I could do and I hated it, fuck, I hated it so much, that feeling of powerlessness, of uselessness. So I just stopped, feeling more tired than ever, tears silently escaping my eyes. Carl stopped after a while, surely passed out from pain.

"You need to rest," Maggie told me and she replaced the bucket on the floor. "You ran all the way over here?"

"Yeah… Otis said it was two miles."

"When was the last time you ate?"

"Sometime this morning…"

Maggie restarted cleaning my eyebrow and I didn't have the energy to flinch with the alcohol there, but it did burn like hell. "I think you'll need two or three stitches here."

"Don't, just… Put a band aid, it will close…"

"Dad will look at it later, I'll just disinfect and cover for now. Try some more water, just little sips, don't drink too fast."

We went quiet as I did as Maggie said, my eyes closing tight as I fought another wave of nausea.

"Thank you…" I whispered weakly after a moment, resting the glass back on the table. "Carl… He'd be dead…"

"Don't mention it. It's a kid, we'd never leave him hanging."

"We know Otis didn't mean to."

"We sure of that too. He's a good man, Otis," Maggie stated and I nodded, believing her. "How far along are you?"

"Oh, uh… Not really sure, but I guess around twelve weeks, thirteen?"

"You'll have to eat something soon… I think we got some vitamins somewhere we can give you.

"You're doing too much already... Maggie, right?"

"Yeah.

I tried a weak smile at her and we went quiet again as Maggie finished cleaning my cut and my face and covered it with a large patch, still encouraging me to slowly sip on the water. A few minutes later, Maggie brought me a clean shirt, because I still didn't know, but mine would have to be thrown away, caked in blood. Rick came out of the room looking pale and sweaty and sat on the couch, Shane still close to him, and they argued about how to let Lori know what happened.

"He's out of danger for the moment," Hershel said as he opened the door and stopped at the threshold, whipping his hands in a towel. Everybody got up, even I did, with Maggie's help, to hear him. "but I need to remove those remaining fragments."

"How?" Rick's voice shook as he asked. "You saw how he was."

"I know, and that was the shallowest one. I'll need to go deeper and get the others. There's more… His belly's distended, his pressure's dropping, which means there's internal bleeding. A fragment must have nicked one of the blood vessels. I have to open him up, find the bleeder and stitch it. And he can't move while I'm in there. I mean, at all. If he reacts the same as before, I'll sever and artery and he'll be dead in minutes. To even try this, I'll have to put him under, but if I do he won't be able to breathe on his own. Same bad results."

"What – You'd need one of those..." I said walking slowly to them, near the door. "A respirator, right? Like they use in hospitals?"

"Exactly that, but more. The tube that goes with it, extra surgical supplies, drapes, sutures."

Otis reminded Mr. Greene that the nearest hospital had burned out recently but the local high school had once been used as a help center and should have all that stocked. It was overrun, though, but Shane offered to go there anyhow, quickly backed up by Otis, who affirmed he knew the place and he'd be able to navigate it better. His wife didn't seem to want him to go, and I totally understood her, but he had all the right arguments. He felt responsible so he'd do all he could to help. I felt like going too, I knew there was nothing I'd be able to do here, but was realistic enough to know today I would be only a nuisance – and I hated it.

Maggie touched her my, distracting her from it, "Your group. Carl's mom, where are they?"

"There were following the creek bed back to the road. We're camped at the jam. They may be close to the road now."

"I'll go get her. What's her name again?"

"Lori. Tell her Rick sent for her. But hey," Maggie stopped as she was turning to leave. "The one leading them, Daryl. He won't trust you, he won't want to let Lori come. Tell him I said it's fine."

"That's all?"

"Yeah, it will do."

Maggie turned to leave and I saw myself alone in the living room, Rick having followed Hershel back inside the room with Carl. I slowly approached the door and leaned there, to see the boy's small frame pale as a ghost, Rick holding his hand and Hershel taking his blood pressure.

"Take a seat, dear," Otis' wife told me and I startled a little before doing so, sitting in a chair close to the window. "How do you feel?"

Rick looked at me as I answered, "Faint… But I'll manage. He's more important now."

"Not much else we can do right now, in fact…" Hershel said. "I can take a look at your cut now."

"Maggie closed it, it's small and cleaned. Please don't worry about me."

"Patricia, please go get these two something to eat. That leftover soup will be good sustenance for them now, especially Sam with child."

The kind-looking woman nodded and left the room. Hershel exited as well, leaving us three in a heavy, tired silence.

"My boy was shot…" Rick started after a couple of minutes. I just looked at him, waiting. "He was just looking at a deer. And he was shot…"

"It was a terrible accident, Rick…"

"We just had to look for Sophia."

"And we still are. We'll deal with all this."

"He shouldn't have been there…"

"Don't, Rick," I said as firmly as I could. "There's enough going on for you to start torturing yourself. None of this if your fault. Anyone of us could have been shot then, could have been you, could have been me. There's no use thinking these things now."

Rick looked from Carl to me, "How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine," I said tiredly and rested my elbows on my knees, lowering my head. "People have got to stop worrying about me when there's a shot child…"

"Your child's as important as mine."

"Mine's unborn and is safe in here."

"You ran all the way over here… May have saved Carl. Got them ready to help him," he said and I looked up at him. "Thank you."

I took a moment to answer, nodding slowly at him. "Is what we do, Rick. Kinda thing we gotta go for each other now. All of us."

"We're all together in this, ain't we?"

"Yeah," I tried a smile. "In the fuckin' apocalypse, we're all we got."