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I do not own Inuyasha, the characters are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. Similarly, I do not receive any financial benefit from this story, just the pleasure of knowing people enjoy it.
Thank you also to Heavenin—hell on Tumblr for the pictures that have been the inspiration for this story.
Thank you to NeutronStarChild and Fawn-Eyed-Girl, without y'all this chapter would not have gotten done!
CHAPTER 21
Inuyasha stalked through the workout room, his eye on the punching bag in the corner. He had become extremely familiar with that piece of equipment that past week, too familiar. He noted that there was a new bag, the third one since he had started using it to work out his anger and frustration.
He knew something was bothering Kagome, but he… he didn't know what.
He eyed the new bag as he wrapped his hands with cloth before settling into a fighting stance. The bag had become a representation of everything that he couldn't fix.
The smile that doesn't reach her eyes. His right fist lashed out; the sound of the connection echoed through the room.
Her apprehension around Sesshomaru. A left jab struck true.
Her refusal to take care of herself. He grunted as his fist made the bag jump on its chain.
Kagome pushing herself until she collapsed.
The hesitancy she tried to hide around him.
The bags under her eyes.
The weight loss she tried to hide.
Her restlessness at night.
The scent of her fear.
The hopelessness in her eyes.
That fucking sour scent.
"FUCK." With a last blow his fist went through the webbing, its filling spilling to the floor.
"Would you mind not destroying yet another bag brother?" Sesshomaru's sneer made Inuyasha hackles rise.
"Why would you care what I do?"
Sesshomaru stood leaning against the wall, watching Inuyasha with cold eyes.
"When your activities put us all in danger, I care."
"Sesshomaru, go fuck yourself."
Inuyasha heard a very un-Sesshomaru like snort from behind him and turned to face his brother.
"You insist on protecting the one who betrayed us. Your human half seems to be blinding you to the risk she poses."
Inuyasha growled as his eyes began to bleed red.
"She…Did…Not…Betray…Us." Inuyasha snarled, his body tensing, ready to attack if needed.
Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed as Inuyasha's scent changed, and he watched with veiled speculation as yokai markings began to appear. 'Those are… those are father's markings.' Sesshomaru noted as he straightened, facing the threat head on.
"Crikey Inuyasha, another one?" Totosai's voice cut through the tension. "That was the fourth bag this week!"
Toga stood behind Totosai as he ranted at Inuyasha about cleaning up the mess, eyeing the tension between his sons.
It didn't take much to know what it was about.
He just hoped they figured out what was going on soon with Kagome.
"Totosai." Toga's voice stopped Totosai mid-sentence and the man took to glaring at Inuyasha, muttering to himself.
"Inuyasha, Sesshomaru, opposite corners… NOW."
Toga watched his sons glare at each other as they stalked to opposite sides of the room, Sesshomaru moving to join a group of yokai trainees, while Inuyasha joined Miroku. He rubbed the bridge of his nose. If his sons insisted on acting like pups, he would treat them like pups.
"Have you found anything?" Toga asked Totosai, weariness in his voice.
Totosai quickly shifted gears to look at the daiyokai before him.
"Not yet, but he is working on it."
Toga nodded. "Shiori asked that we bring Rin in today to observe the miko. She's… concerned… She doesn't think Kagome is a threat to us, but she does think she's a threat to herself."
"Do you really think we will find anything?"
"Yes. I know the way he works. He uses people and yokai to his own end with no consideration for them. Deception and misdirection are his tools, forcing ally to fight ally, weaken forces and weaken bonds, make it easier for him to defeat his foes."
"How do we protect ourselves? How do we protect her, especially if she is as necessary as you think she is?"
"She is necessary, Totosai, she is necessary. As for how we protect her…" Toga's golden eyes watched his youngest son's face light up as he sniffed the air and turned to watch Kagome enter with Shippo. "That depends on him."
Inuyasha felt as if he had been hit in the stomach when he saw Kagome's face. No matter how hard she smiled, how hard she tried to act like nothing was wrong, he could see the exhaustion, the desperation in her eyes. Her smiles were empty, a facade that never reached her eyes. When she smiled, and meant it, her entire body lit up. That light had been fading, her smile had grown forced. But no one else seemed to see that. He just had no idea how to help her. He was used to enemies he could fight, something he could physically destroy, but he had no clue how to help her face the enemies she seemed to face. A phantom, a dream, a fear…
How does one fight fear?
Before he realized it, he had crossed to her, wrapping his arm around her waist to hold her close. He looked to Shippo who nodded, and he felt his body relax a little.
She had eaten.
It killed him to leave every morning as Shippo took over her observation, but his father had made him promise he wouldn't interfere, that he wouldn't be there all the time with her. Toga had tried to demand that he stay completely away from her unless they were in training sessions…
It was the first time he had fought with his father. They had grudgingly reached an agreement, and Inuyasha had been able to keep guard at night.
He was surprised to see Rin enter the training room, her eyes darting around, pausing on Sesshomaru before settling on Kagome. Her smile grew as she skittered into the room, making herself comfortable on one of the chairs against the wall. Sesshomaru watched her out of the corner of his eye, his eyes narrowing with irritation at this new human intruder. He rose, pushing her out of his mind to focus on what needed to be done. He needed to make them-his father and his brother-understand.
"Take the floor." Sesshomaru's voice echoed through the room as he watched the trainees scramble to the mat.
"Miko… Up front." He chided, watching Kagome with eyes cold as ice as she reluctantly moved from the back of the room to the front. He wanted her where he could keep an eye on her. Where he could see every move, every action, watch for every threa…
"AGAIN." He snapped as he watched her stumble. It was a simple exercise of transitioning out of fighting stances, and it was the fourth time she had stumbled at the exact same point over the last week.
Sesshomaru glowered at her. He could not stand to see her go through the moves again and make the same mistakes over and over. He had never met anyone who seemed as incapable of even the most basic moves of hand to hand combat. He watched her repeat the routine, his lips curling into a slight sneer as she shakily completed the transition with everyone stopped to watch her.
"Partner up. Miko, Shippo… the two of you stay up front." Sesshomaru met Inuyasha's glare with a steely glance of his own. This was HIS domain, and he would not try to pander to someone who was a threat to them and to their mission.
Sesshomaru watched the teams as they practiced, the controlled falls, the flow of movement, momentum, as everyone…
"MIKO!" Sesshomaru's voice snapped out as Kagome missed a grab from the sequence and Shippo sent her flying. Sesshomaru stalked towards her, not stopping until she had to take a step back to avoid a collision. He loomed above her petite frame to look down his nose at her.
"I do not understand how you seem to make the same mistakes again and again. We have been running these drills for four and a half months, and you still have not mastered even the most basic moves." Sesshomaru heard Inuyasha's growl and ignored it. If the woman couldn't, wouldn't improve, she did not deserve to be coddled…
Sesshomaru did not know how Inuyasha couldn't see that.
"Again." Sesshomaru's voice echoed through the room, its emotionless tone assaulting Kagome's ears as she accepted Shippo's hand to help her stand, her chest heaving with exertion.
As the day progressed, Sesshomaru continued to harangue Kagome, calling out every fumble, making her repeat moves as he kept a running list of every mistake she made, every misstep or missed opportunity for an advantage. He focused on each of her failures, stopping practice to have the entire room watch her. At one point he forced her to pair up with him, and proceeded to show her how inept she was, easily throwing her or forcing her to lose her balance with each move. When he moved to sword drills, Kagome was relegated to a corner to practice the moves on her own. She moved to take one of the dulled blades but stopped as Sesshomaru crossed to block her path with his arms folded over his chest, a wooden sword in his hand. He stared down at her, unblinking.
"You are practicing with a shinai." Sesshomaru told her, shoving the wooden sword so forcefully into her hand she had to regain her balance.
"Sesshomaru, how is she supposed to…" Inuyasha protested, the hold on his temper was further fraying with every word Sesshomaru barked at Kagome.
"She is not capable of actual combat." Sesshomaru cut his brother off as he turned his back to Kagome. "The practice sword is all she is suited for."
As the interactions between the trainees continued, Toga stood next to Rin, watching.
"What have you seen Rin?"
"There are no fluctuations in her reiki, even with the baiting she has been enduring."
Toga lifted an eyebrow. "Baiting?"
"He's been trying to provoke her… and I'm sure it hasn't passed your notice that your son, respectfully, is an ass, Lord Toga."
Toga sighed. "No, it hasn't."
A sharp tone from Toga's phone startled Rin, and she watched as the tall Yokai looked at the screen. She watched emotions dance across his face and tried to identify what they represented.
"Excuse me Rin."
Toga motioned to Totosai to catch his eye, pointing at the phone. Totosai looked at his own screen before his head jerked up, eyes wide. At Toga's nod both made a hasty exit, and Rin could hear their voices fading as they moved away.
"MIKO." Sessomaru's ice-filled voice pulled Rin's attention back to the training. She saw Sesshomaru towering over Kagome, her weapon laying a foot away from them. Rin rose and quickly made her way across the room… She needed to get close to Kagome. A storm was brewing.
"Why do you insist on not being serious?" Sesshomaru's scolding voice made Kagome flinch.
Kagome gritted her teeth and took a step to reclaim her shinai, only to be blocked by Sesshomaru.
"I asked you a question miko."
"I am serious." Kagome ground out, her gaze on the floor.
"Clearly, you are not. Your lack of discipline and your absolutely abysmal technique are all the proof I need of that."
"Sesshomaru." Inuyasha cut in.
"NO Inuyasha. She will answer me. She may have you wrapped around her finger, but I do not suffer traitors."
"Now hold on. You aren't being fair." Sango jumped to her friend's defense. "She hasn't had anywhere near as much training as the rest of us."
Sesshomaru turned to look Sango directly in the eye.
"That is a pointless excuse. She is weak and has failed to make even the most basic improvements. She is weak of mind, body, and soul. Where was she last week? Because I did not see her here trying to improve her dismal techniques."
"I… I had a paper... for my class."
Sesshomaru turned back to Kagome. "Ah yes, your precious class. Obviously, a class and a paper are so much more important than trying to at least reach the minimum level of competence necessary to aid us in preventing the end of the world? Or is that what you are seeking-its end? What did he promise you? Power? Strength? Or was it something baser? Did he promise to make you feel special? As if your life had meaning? Because you are not special. And your life is as pointless as that paper you dropped your responsibilities to do. You are clumsy, lazy, and unworthy of the respect people seem to give you. They may not see the dullness of your mind, but I DO."
"I think we should call it a day, thank you everyone let's clear the room now." Miroku called, grabbing Shippo by the arm to help him usher everyone else out of the room. It took both to corral everyone out of the room and shut the door, as yokai and humans alike kept turning to watch the brewing fight. Soon only Inuyasha, Sesshomaru, Miroku, Sango, Rin and Shippo remained.
"What is your problem Sesshomaru?" Inuyasha advanced on his brother, not stopping until he was within an inch of him. "You have been up her ass all fucking day."
"My problem is her." Sesshomaru said coldly. "She is worthless here, undisciplined, and lacks even a modicum of commitment to this cause... One might think she is purposely keeping herself incompetent and useless to force a vulnerability in our ranks."
Inuyasha growled, his eyes narrowing at his brother.
"You have no fucking clue how hard she's been working, you ass."
"It does not matter when it obviously hasn't had an impact."
"I'm not useless." Kagome whispered, her hands clenching into a fist.
Rin watched Kagome closely, noting the growing tremor in her hands. It was hard to stay put, but Rin stayed steady. Something told her she would need to act at exactly the right time. Rin already wanted to go to her, but she held herself back, instead focusing her scrutiny on Sesshomaru.
"I could not understand you through that pathetic mumble..." Sesshomaru sneered as he turned his back to Kagome; he was done with her.
"I am not useless," Kagome repeated; the tremor in her hands started moving up her arms.
"Really?" Sesshomaru paused and partially turned back to her. "I fail to see any evidence to the contrary. You lack discipline, you lack control. Your aim is abysmal with every weapon we have attempted to train you on... You cannot master even the simplest defensive moves. Moves that may be the difference between life and death for you or those you fight beside in an actual battle. You are the weakest; and have gained little in the months you've trained. You have failed to improve week after week, month after month. Instead, you put your energy into your frivolous pursuits, passing fancies, as if you value them over being capable of protecting the lives of those who will fight by your side."
Kagome felt Sesshomaru's words run through her, the words echoing in her mind. Snippets of her dreams flitted through her mind: the feelings of helplessness, hopelessness she had experienced night after night latched on to his criticisms… She…
She couldn't say he was wrong.
He was right… she wasn't strong enough, couldn't be enough.
And people would be hurt because of her. People would die because he was right… she was useless.
She struggled to keep her face impassive, to keep the mask in place, but she could feel the cracks. She… She couldn't keep it up. Every emotion Kagome had kept tightly locked away began to break free, overwhelming her with despair, anger, fear… self-loathing. As her emotions began to spiral, she could feel the hold she had on her spiritual powers begin to fray.
No… nonononono… that would… that would just… She couldn't let that happen. There were too many yokai in the area. The last time she had lost control of her powers, she had nearly destroyed everyone in the room… she… she couldn't let that happen. She couldn't… she wouldn't put them at risk. She pulled her power back into herself, and a little more of the mask crumbled. She had to control it, she couldn't put the others at risk. She felt herself shake even more as she consciously lassoed the reiki and absorbed it into her body. She wasn't sure the pain she felt was normal, but it was pain she deserved to feel, because she had nearly killed every yokai in the area.
Rin's eyes widened as she felt Kagome's spiritual power fluctuating, but… it wasn't growing out of control it was… returning to Kagome's body. As if she was sucking it in. A slight widening of Sesshomaru's eyes told Rin that he had felt it too. He backed away slightly but continued his attack. Rin wondered if he could see what Kagome's reiki was doing, because it almost looked like he thought she was about to attack him.
"You have no control over your spiritual powers miko." Sesshomaru sneered. "I will not watch any of our true allies die trying to protect you because you are too weak, too incompetent, too uncontrolled to defend yourself! Perhaps you should spend more time observing Kikyo-san and emulating her; then I would believe that you are not a thrall of our enemy. But no. You stand here, a threat to us all. Weak of mind." His eyes cast around, meeting the gaze of every person in the room. "And why am I the only person who can see this?!"
Useless.
No Control.
Too weak.
Incompetent.
Lazy.
THREAT.
Sesshomaru's words echoed in Kagome's mind, latching on to her doubts, her insecurities… he stripped her bare and left all her faults, all her failings exposed. Every fear, every concern she had felt during the last six weeks came crashing down around her. It was taking all her focus, all of her (meager) strength to keep her reiki in check, to not… explode again and hurt those around her…
She was a failure. She was a threat.
And Sesshomaru saw it all.
She… she wasn't worthy of being part of the group.
She didn't deserve their trust.
She didn't deserve… she couldn't be good enough for…
Rin saw the black-haired woman begin to rock slightly back and forth, her hands clenched into fists, her eyes closed… Kagome's reiki had shifted and grown brighter, but instead of bursting out of her, it was looping back in as Kagome desperately worked to draw it into herself. Kagome was shining like a blinding beacon, the energy flowing out and being reabsorbed like solar prominences. Kagome was absorbing too much energy, she was incinerating herself from the inside just to hold onto control. It was why Shiori had been concerned. This was the moment Rin knew was coming, the precise moment she could save her life. Rin flew to Kagome, placing her body between the struggling woman and Sesshomaru, glaring daggers so sharp into him that he took a minute step backward. Rin let her reiki flare, using her own energy to surround and stabilize Kagome.
"I can't hurt them… I won't hurt them…" Kagome whispered those two phrases over and over. Rin threw herself onto the woman, forcing her will to concentrate on the reiki Kagome was trying to swallow whole, trying to calm her aura. It was hard, but Rin knew that if she failed, it would mean Kagome's death...
"That's enough." Inuyasha growled, in front of his brother, blocking Kagome and Rin from his view.
"Is it?" Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow as he felt Kagome's reiki swirling. He could feel it growing even though it never touched him. "Even now she shows herself to be a threat! Look at her brother. Feel what her reiki is doing. It's aggressive, unstable, uncontrollable."
"Sess, back off, now."
"Inuyasha, open your eyes. You are protecting one who has betrayed you, betrayed us, multiple times. There is no logical reason for you to defend her! How is it that I am the only one who sees sense? Who sees what she is and what she has done?!"
"That wasn't her. You didn't see her that night, you ass." Inuyasha hurled back at his brother, he was sick of Sesshomaru blaming her for something when she hadn't even been awake when it happened.
"No, and I did not need to. If she was possessed as you suspect, it just proves that she is no more than a weak-minded human. Will it make it easier if she murders us knowing she was not in control? Will that make everything okay? Because she was possessed? You have lost all sense around this woman."
"You don't know what the fuck you are talking about." Inuyasha's voice had deepened into a dark growl, his claws lengthened as he faced off against his brother.
"Inuyasha, you are the proud blood of Taisho, enthralled by something as base as the musk of a human miko... Just go rut her in the woods and get her out of your system. It's far more than she deserves."
At Sesshomaru's words, Inuyasha roared and thrust himself forward, attacking without reservation, his eyes bleeding red. Miroku's attention was focused on Kagome, horror freezing his movements. No one should be able to survive the power levels that she was forcing into her body… yet somehow, she was. Sango reached out to grab Miroku's arm in shock; she had trained with the yokai, but it was the first time she had seen a full out fight. The two Inu's were holding nothing back, claws raking the other as their snarls echoed in the room. Sango's eyes widened as she saw green liquid dripping from Sesshomaru's claws, the mat smoking anyplace it hit.
They were predators, circling each other, looking for an opening. Inuyasha lashed out with his claws to draw Sesshomaru's attention before lunging in to fight with sharpened canines, only to be met with Sesshomaru's fist. The cracks of bones made her shudder as they fought. Nothing had prepared her for that, and it suddenly hit her just how out of her league, out of all their leagues, this fight was.
Rin's arms closed around Kagome's shoulders, drawing the shaking girl towards her, finally feeling safe enough to ease her hold on Kagome's turbulent reiki, letting herself take Kagome the person in. The loops of reiki had dissipated, but Kagome still seemed insistent on absorbing any new flares into herself. At least she was no longer on the brink of incinerating.
Tears clung to the edge of Kagome's lashes as she fought to keep a semblance of control. She felt her carefully constructed house of cards fracture; every compartment she had locked away had burst open. Kagome stood in the middle of the storm, fighting to keep standing against the tides of emotions and fears that threatened to drown her. She could feel her heart racing, each beat painful in her chest. She could hear blood rushing through her veins, drowning out all other noise. Sweat beaded on her forehead, dripping down her face to blend with her tears.
Kagome raised shaking hands to fold over her chest, collapsing into herself as her legs gave out. She couldn't breathe. She was drowning and fighting for air. Tremors raked through her body as a soft whimper broke through her lips, the sound nearly lost amongst the snarls and sounds of bodies hitting the floor as the brothers fought. She struggled to keep her focus, to direct her energy inward… where it would only consume her, and not the others.
Rin caught it just in time, feeling Kagome's skin heat yet again as golden waves undulated under Kagome's skin, flowing from her hands towards her heart. The reiki loops had started again, stronger even than the last time. Rin concentrated with everything she had, forcing herself back into the reiki storm. She could do this. She could stop Kagome again. She had to. As Kagome convulsed, Rin's will started winning again, and Kagome was calming. A soft pink glow engulfed the two girls as Rin gently soothed Kagome's aura, bringing her back from the brink for the second time…
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" Toga's voice boomed through the room, stilling Inuyasha and Sesshomaru. The daiyokai flew across the room to grab each son in a hand and forcibly pull them apart. Inuyasha fought the hold, his yokai demanding he defend Kagome. Toga grabbed him by the neck to shake him and push him away from Sesshomaru. Shippo stood in the doorway, chest heaving from having run to find Toga, his eyes wide as he took in the healing scrapes and bruises on the two inu yokai.
"Oh, Kami Kagome…"
Sango's whisper cut through Inuyasha's bloodlust as fear calmed his rage. He snapped his head around to locate Kagome, curled into Rin's arms, surrounded by a light pink haze, and visibly shaking as a light golden sheen pulsed upward under her skin. Both women had collapsed to the ground, exhausted from a battle only they seemed completely aware had happened.
"Kagome." He choked out, stumbling towards her. With her filter down, Kagome could feel all the energy in the room swirling around her. She felt Inuyasha's yokai reach out to envelop her as he approached. With how exposed she was, the feel of his yokai brushing against her energy… burned. She could feel the waves of concern, anger, fear, shock, and disdain covering her… SMOTHERING her… blocking out all air. Her breathing became shallow as she cringed away from the stimuli of Inuyasha's yokai with a soft whimper. It took everything to keep the energy inside her from exploding outwards, she couldn't be distracted, she couldn't…
"Hey, hey, I've got you." Rin whispered, shifting Kagome to take most of her weight. Rin's energy still blanketed them both, helping Kagome control her energy without it consuming her.
"Let's get you out of here, ok?" Rin picked herself gingerly up off the floor and began to lead Kagome out of the room. They held each other up as they moved. When Inuyasha moved to help, to pick Kagome up, Rin gave a soft shake of her head as her gaze met his.
"Not now." She mouthed to him, walking Kagome past a stunned Sango. The room stayed quiet as the two women slipped out.
"Are you happy now?" Miroku seethed as he looked at Sesshomaru with lethal eyes. "She nearly killed herself to keep you fucking safe. If Rin had been one second later..."
"That miko is no threat to one such as me." Sesshomaru wiped blood off his cheek, flicking it to the floor with his hand.
"Sesshomaru… what did you do?" Toga's voice dropped as he stared at his older son.
"You may be fooled father, but I am not. I was merely pointing out all her flaws, her failings, her duplicity…"
"AND YOU NEARLY KILLED HER." Miroku roared as he crossed the room, not stopping until he was mere inches from Sesshomaru. "You may not have been able to see what she was doing, but I could. She was pulling every bit of her energy into her; she nearly burned herself alive to keep her reiki from hurting you."
"It is not my concern if she cannot control herself."
"You fucking idiot, she did it to protect all of you. You saw what happened the last time she lost control of her reiki."
"Kagome." Inuyasha's whisper was tortured as he moved to the door, reaching out with his yokai to feel Kagome… to make sure she was…Kami, what had he caused.
"You think a miko as weak as that one could actually be a threat?" Sesshomaru's cold voice echoed in the room.
"You're full of shit Assholemaru.," Fury burned in Inuyasha's eyes as he said it. "That time… with the weapons… she was seconds from frying your sorry ass if Miroku and Kikyo hadn't thrown up barriers. If she wanted to fry us all..."
"She could have." Toga continued, surprising his sons who both turned to look at him, Sesshomaru's eyes hard with speculation while Inuyasha's reflected the torment he felt.
"She could have purified every yokai in the area, even me, without a thought if she had released her hold on her energy for even a second." Toga continued. "And you say she had directed it all into herself?" He asked Miroku, watching the younger man nod.
"He doesn't get to call her weak, not after that," Miroku insisted, his eyes still focused on Sesshomaru. "You baited her, tried to make her angry, tried to break her… and she still fucking protected your ass. And she did it by trying to kill herself. She chose the life of her tormentor over her own goddamned life."
"It sounds like we owe Rin our thanks." Toga's deep voice was thoughtful. "And Sango-she's going to need you."
Sango visibly started, her hands shaking as she began to process what had just happened. She turned and fled out the door as she raced to help her friend. Inuyasha started to follow her out the door but was stopped by his father's voice.
"You need to wait Inuyasha." Toga looked at his youngest son. "I know you want to go after her right now, but you need to wait. Trust Rin and Sango to take care of her for now. The four of us, yes you too Miroku, need to have a discussion and Sesshomaru, you need to explain to me why you felt the need to try and provoke the strongest miko this world has known for a thousand years."