By the time I fell out of the tunnel into camp I was panting and could hear the overpowering roar of the attacking forces. I dragged myself to my feet and climbed up onto the wall to assess the situation as quickly as I could. I found Miller aiming over the side with a wavering confidence and he stooped down to snatch a discarded gun that was beside him. I recalled that he was meant to be on the last checkpoint with Bellamy and my stomach flipped nervously.
"Where's Bellamy?" I questioned frantically as he threw the gun at me and I somehow managed to catch it despite my distress.
"I don't know! The last time I saw him, he was trying to get back to camp carrying Octavia. We got separated." He called to me in a shirty manner as he scanned the furious crowd that surged toward the gates like a tidal wave.
"Carrying Octavia?!" I repeated in alarm and he glanced over with annoyance. "I have to get to them!" I cried as I stood frozen to the spot, torn between assisting in the effort here or trying to fight my way toward the checkpoint.
"You can't! We need you here!" Miller yelled as he addressed me in desperation. "Look, if you want to see them again you need to stick to the plan, you know that he will." He reasoned and for the first time since landing I felt as if we saw each other on equal ground.
"Alright, let's do this." I gulped, setting my gun on the wall as I aimed toward our mounting enemies. The grounders seemed to pour out from every direction and I couldn't believe the numbers that we were now facing. This was worse than we ever could have imagined and we were comically under prepared for fighting of this scale. I sensed the gunners around me peeking at each other in terror as the grounders collided with our walls.
"There are too many! Everybody to the dropship, now!" Miller instructed as the determination finally crumbled from his face, alongside any new found respect that I'd gained for him.
"No! We need more time!" Clarke's voice was stern from behind us and I felt my stomach twist at her words. I understood from the tone of her voice that things weren't going well and without Bellamy here to keep the camp inspired, it wasn't long until the plan dissolved. "Gunners stay at your posts, the rest of you inside. Come on quick, move!" Clarke commanded and everyone slowly moved back into place, but they still held themselves in a way that suggested they were ready to run for their lives. I sighed deeply with a knot building in my gut as I considered that the plan Bellamy had laid out was the only thing I could rely on to return him to me. As I studied the nervous faces of those around me, I knew that I could no longer hide in the shadows whilst others took the burden of leadership; Bellamy needed my strength.
"Alright gunners! You all heard Clarke, it's down to us now! I don't know about you, but I don't plan to lay down as an easy kill for some grounder." I started with a false confidence that I hoped wasn't obvious. I'd seen every speech Bellamy had made to this camp and I hoped I knew him well enough to emulate his charisma. "This is our camp, our home and the people you see on these walls are your family now. Make every single bullet count, shoot calm and take down as many as you can. It's time to show these sons of bitches the exit!" I declared and was exhilarated by the renewed war cries from those around me. We all returned to picking off the grounders who closed in on the last of our defences and I was proud of the focus that the gunners maintained, even in the face of the overwhelming odds.
We were interrupted by a far off explosion and I turned my attention to the sky to witness a bright light shooting over the camp. It seemed that everyone stopped to watch, including our attackers, as the light split into numerous pieces that burned down toward us. I had long lost any hope of ever receiving help from the sky but as the pieces grew closer, I realised that I was watching the Ark itself falling to us.
"Take down the gate!" A sharp command from outside drew us back into the moment as the grounders began attacking again. Before we could retaliate, we were distracted by the sounds of tribal calls and paused in a confused anticipation. I noticed that the grounders seemed equally confused by the sounds and I hoped that whatever was coming might help to turn the tide of this fight. "Reapers!" The same voice cried out again and I kept my gun trained on the distance as I waited for the uncertain threat. I was stunned when Finn and Lincoln fell into my scope, sprinting toward the grounder army before suddenly diverting and disappearing into the trees.
Immediately behind them was another large group which almost resembled the force that we were already facing and I couldn't comprehend what insane plan Finn had calculated this time. In the moment that the new group noticed the grounders they stopped in their tracks, glaring tensely at each other in a silent standoff. I squinted over to the other gunners, who seemed every bit as puzzled as I felt and no one moved a muscle in fear of reminding them that we were there. Without warning the two groups clashed, forming their own fray and seeming to have completely forgotten about us altogether. I analysed that the grounders seemed to be wiping out the new group with little resistance and felt in my gut that this strange turn of events unfortunately wouldn't be more than a brief reprieve for us.
"Reload! Get ready for the next wave, they'll be back on us in no time!" I ordered the surrounding gunners in an attempt to prepare them, rallying them from their shock. "Grab a weapon, we're almost out of bullets. We need to be ready if they break through!" I commanded as I kept a watch on the situation below out of the corner of my eye.
People scattered across camp frantically arming themselves with whatever they could find and I subconsciously reached for my dagger to reassure myself that it was still there. In barely a few minutes the grounders had brutally slaughtered their new enemies and returned to charging at the gates. I observed with a dread in my chest as several people on the wall were killed by arrows and I jumped into action. I fired at the archers rapidly, abandoning the careful shooting that I'd been focused on until now as I felt that we were losing control. I heard the clanging of hooks as several landed on the top of the wall and grounders began to climb up to the platforms that we were stationed on. I tried to slow them down but my gun jammed and I knew that I was finally out of ammunition.
"That's it, fall back!" I gasped before turning to address all of the gunners determinedly. "Everybody fall back! It's time to take it hand to hand!" I announced as I dropped the gun and leapt from the platform to gain some distance from the bloodthirsty forces that dragged themselves over the top of the wall.
I ran in a wild panic toward the centre of the camp, searching for any weapon larger than my dagger that I could use to defend myself. As I stumbled forward without focus, I knocked into a couple of people carrying grenades and caused them to drop several onto the ground at our feet. At that moment, the gate slammed open with an earth shattering crash and I instinctively snatched one of the grenades from the ground, lobbing it toward the gate in blind faith. It exploded in the perfect location to wipe out several of the grounders that rushed through, but it didn't stop the leader who charged forward cutting down anyone in his way. I turned to the dropship and spotted Clarke and Finn crouched behind a crate. I sprinted over to meet them and as I dropped to their side to ask what was happening with the ship, Finn pointed manically ahead.
"There he is!" He yelled in a hopeful voice.
I turned to face the direction that he was pointing and clocked Bellamy crouched in the exit of a tunnel, behind the grounder who was carving a path through camp. My heart leapt into my throat and my thoughts raced at a million miles an hour as I realised in a crushing feeling of apprehension that Octavia wasn't with him.
"He's never gonna make it! Bellamy run!" Clarke cried out to him.
I searched around in a newly frantic haze for a weapon that would allow me to fight at arm's length. If I simply used my dagger there was a risk that the leader would skewer me before I could even get close enough to help. As I did this, Bellamy started to run toward us and the leader glanced his way to notice him creeping past. Bellamy held the gun up in front of him but it visibly locked as he attempted to fire and the leader took this opportunity to swipe the large sword he carried at him. For a split second I couldn't breathe as the sword barely missed his waist and he dodged it by only a few centimetres. The leader punched Bellamy in the face, knocking him backwards heavily with the force and grabbed him to repeatedly slug him in the gut.
"He's killing him." Clarke breathed in a small terrified voice, causing my heartbeat to pound in my ears.
"No." I hissed determinedly as I raised to my feet and pulled the pistol from my belt. I attempted to aim at the large leader that threw Bellamy around like a rag doll, but his movements were so rapid that I couldn't get him in my sight without risking hitting Bellamy instead. My hands shook wildly as I struggled to maintain my grip on the gun and tears filled my eyes as I willed myself to get it right. I fired in blind faith and the bullet landed directly in the shoulder of the leader.
"Give me that!" Finn jumped up beside me and snatched a gun from a passing camp member as they ran to the dropship. He moved without hesitation, which was shocking for someone who was such a passionate pacifist and had been against the use of guns since day one. He fired at the leader in perfect timing to prevent him from slashing Bellamy with his blade. Bellamy fell flat on his back on the ground and Finn charged at the leader, tackling him to the dirt in a powerful motion.
"No, Finn, no!" Clarke screamed and I moved to attack after him but she caught my wrist to pause me on the spot. "Don't!" She begged in desperation as she clung on to me but I threw her off with a furious yell. Once I was free of her grip I returned my attention to the fight and pulled my dagger out in preparation for an attack that I knew could cost me my life. When I met Bellamy's eyes I knew that he had clocked me striding towards him and he regarded me with an expression of horror.
"Indie, don't! Get to the ship!" He pleaded in a despairing tone before he was viciously tackled to the ground again by the leader. I managed one last step toward him before I was yanked backwards by strong arms that wrapped firmly around my waist. I struggled against the momentum with every ounce of strength in my body.
"No! Bellamy!" I howled in anguish as I scrambled with everything I had to reach him. I clawed into the ground and dug my heels in, using every part of my body to fight the movement. I caught a glimpse of Miller's face in my peripheral vision as he tugged on my waist in a bid to remove me. In the next moment I was suddenly lifted from my feet and thrown over the shoulder of another strong gunner. The roughness and shock of the action caused me to drop my dagger to the ground as my arms dangled over his back.
"No! Get off me! No, stop!" I screamed as I kicked manically at them whilst they carried me toward the ship. I witnessed Bellamy overturn the leader and start struggling to battle them with Finn backing him up as the tears flowed down my face. I was struck with the horrifying clarity that Miller was encouraging Clarke to follow us inside and I acknowledged that they were securing what remained of the camp leaders so that they could seal us in the safety of the dropship.
"Stop, don't do this!" I pleaded in a strained voice as we crossed the threshold into the ship. I fought hard enough to cause my kidnapper to drop me back to my feet but he immediately blocked me from leaving and Miller rushed over to assist him as they contained me between them. I was too lost in the storm of my panic to coordinate a way out, instead screaming wildly and thrashing against them.
"Indigo, just stop! We're doing what he asked, you have to save yourself!" Miller reasoned as he fought against me and he behaved as if he were struggling with a caged animal. Clarke caught my eyes as she considered me with tear filled eyes and I observed her reaching toward the door mechanism with a fresh wave of desperation.
"Clarke don't! Please! You can't do this, Bellamy and Octavia are still out there!" I pleaded and my panic was so intense that my voice didn't even sound like my own. "Finn is out there, don't do this!" I reasoned in the hope that I could manipulate her own worry but she continued to turn the handle without a single word in response. I screeched maniacally at her as I threw all of my weight at my captors.
The moment that the door slammed shut the sheets parted to reveal the female grounder that I'd seen speaking to Clarke at the bridge. She stepped into the space, drawing her swords and smirked at the nervous group that surrounded her.
"Jasper, now! Fire the engines!" Clarke ordered over her shoulder and I turned to view him in outrage. I had no idea that this was the plan and I knew immediately that if they did this, every person we'd left out there would die.
"Jasper don't, please! You'll be killing them!" I begged although I was hardly able to get the words out through my tears and jagged breaths. I knew in my gut that there were other members of camp out there too, fighting with everything they had to drag their injured bodies back to the safety of the ship and I couldn't face the idea of burning them alive alongside the grounders.
"I...I can't do it." He breathed as he stared back at me with watery eyes. I was about to breathe a sigh of relief when Harper leaned past him and slammed the trigger. I held my breath for a heart stopping moment, but no sound came. I could still hear the grounder army pounding on the door and prayed that Bellamy would somehow burst into the space to take control of the spiralling situation. Harper frantically shook the control in an effort to make it work, whilst Clarke turned to face the grounder who still stood analysing us.
"Anya, you can't win." She appealed and in the tense moment of silence that followed, the men that had trapped me earlier forgot to keep their grip on me. Anya swung forward at the crowd and I leapt out from between the boys without thinking. Anger controlled me like a puppet and I threw myself at Anya's waist, slamming her into the floor with an unstoppable fury.
"This is all your fucking fault!" I growled as I wrapped my hands around her throat. I heard her begin to choke under my crushing force but she struggled against my grip and every time she thrashed to escape, I slammed her head into the floor maliciously. I was dragged off her by Clarke, who jumped between us to shield her.
"Stop, we are not grounders!" She cried and I snarled at her like an animal, causing her to jump in surprise.
Before I could do anything else, the ship began to shake wildly throwing us all off balance and I recognised the deafening sounds of the thrusters firing. I dropped to my knees as a deep, guttural sob escaped my lips. Everyone around me fell or struggled to hang on as the ship raised from the ground, but I couldn't move at all. I could hardly breathe between the sobs that wracked my chest and felt my lungs burning with the strain. On the inside it seemed as if I could actually feel my heart breaking and my head throbbed viciously. There were no thoughts present there, no other feelings in my body than the overwhelming loss of the two most important people in my life.
I felt two skinny arms pull me in as Jasper wrapped me up in a jacket and leaned me into him, but his embrace didn't provide me with the same sense of safety that I felt with Bellamy. I wasn't sure if I could really feel anything anymore, as my mind imploded in on itself. I lost track of how long I stayed there, but I knew that I cried until my eyes strung and my chest ached. I started to shake all over and Jasper rubbed my arms in an attempt to warm me up. I couldn't even see my surroundings and my hearing had cut off immediately following the sound of the blast.
Now that I'd finally run out of tears, I felt completely numb. I was lost in an empty chamber of pain and felt as if the entire world had crumbled around me. I felt myself being lifted and moved but I lacked any energy to resist the action. I was easily carried to a spot where I felt that my heavy body was leaned against a wall. I could still feel Jasper beside me, gripping me to him and became vaguely aware of the weight of his head on my shoulder. I stayed perfectly still, unable to compose a single thought and time seemed an alien concept in the state that I was in.
"We don't know that they're dead yet. Bellamy and Octavia are survivors, if anyone could find a way, it's them. We just have to wait until morning. Don't give up." Jasper's gentle words finally managed to reach me, even in the void of my mind.
"It's no good Jasper, she's catatonic." Clarke's sympathetic voice followed his and I tried to force myself out of the heaviness that trapped me inside of my own mind. "I don't know that there's much we can do, just keep her comfortable until she becomes lucid. I'm sorry."
I felt myself shivering again but I suspected it was the effects of shock rather than cold. Regardless, Jasper adjusted the jacket that he had placed around me, ensuring that it was fully covering me as he made his best effort to keep me comfortable.
"It's Bellamy's, he took it off earlier to fix up some stuff. You can keep it warm for him until morning. I'm sure he'll want it back." He spoke in a hopeful tone and his words drew up a memory of the last moments that I'd seen Bellamy. Jasper was right, he wasn't wearing his usual jacket, I hadn't noticed it at the time.
Slowly, piece by piece, the world began to return to me. The sound seeped through first; the fearful voices around me, sniffing as people cried, the heavy breathing of others who were sleeping. Things grew darker as the room came into view, cramped with so many people huddled together in the small space. It was dark inside with only a few small torches to light the ship and I scanned the variety of emotions on the faces of the survivors who waited nervously for the morning. As soon as I started to move Jasper gripped me tighter, assessing me with wide eyes.
"Indigo!" He breathed and I noticed that his voice was soaked in relief. "I'm so glad you're back." He smiled thankfully as his eyes welled up with tears. "It's been a long night without you." He stated and I couldn't manage any kind of facial expression in return.
"How long until…" I struggled to speak with my sore throat and my words came out in a raspy whisper. I pointed weakly toward the door and then returned my gaze to him for an answer.
"Not long now, we've just gotta keep the faith alive until then." He smiled hopefully and I stared back at him in amazement. I couldn't even begin to comprehend how he remained so hopeful when he'd witnessed the same bleak chain of events that I had, when he knew the force of the ship better than I did, when he understood the odds. I struggled not to allow my mind to run away with me, picturing what would have happened to those outside when the engines fired and Jasper simply sat squeezing my hand, waiting for a happy ending that he had unshakable confidence in.
The minutes ticked by painfully slowly as we sat in a tense silence. Jasper remained close at my side, keeping his grip on me soothingly. I glanced down at the jacket, running my fingers over the details; the small torn looking patch on the front, the unnecessary extra zip on the sleeve, the shoulder pads I'd placed my hand on the last time I touched him, when I almost kissed him. I pushed the memory forcefully to the back of my mind before it could replay in agonising detail, unable to consider that it might be the last chance that I had.
After what felt like an entire lifetime had passed in the despair of the ship, Clarke approached the door mechanism and finally opened it to face the world. The door slowly tilted down and the group of survivors gathered around it, waiting to see what awaited us on the other side. Jasper jumped to his feet and turned to carefully help me to a standing position. I didn't realise until then that my body had become so weak, but the strain of the night had left me unstable and sore.
Jasper assisted me outside and once we reached the ramp he allowed me to lead us as he supported my weight. My eyes took a moment to adjust to the daylight, but when they did I could hardly comprehend the destruction that I was witnessing. The earth was scorched black and strewn everywhere were the charred, skeletal remains of a mixture of both forces. I surveyed them with an open mouth, repelled by the results of our actions before slowly turning to face the direction that I knew Bellamy had been last. I wandered slowly as I guided Jasper, tripping as I tried to step over the bodies that were scattered as densely as a carpet.
I battled with every shred of strength that I could muster to hang on to the hope that Jasper had shared with me. I couldn't see far into the distance as the group had exited before me and were spreading across camp, so I just focused on heading toward Bellamy, praying that I would see some kind of sign that he had escaped. As we neared the edge of camp, I knew that we couldn't be far now and my eyes searched for something to help me navigate. Two people in front of us leaned to the side and my stomach lurched as I realised that I was barely a step from where Bellamy and Finn had been fighting. I turned my face to the ground in horror and laid in that spot were two charred skeletons, frozen in motion as they faced each other.
The earth seemed to raise up to meet me as my knees slammed into it and the sound that escaped me hardly even sounded human. The severity of the odds of survival crashed on me in one suffocating impact and any fragile concept of hope shattered into a million pieces. In my gut I knew that there was no time, no chance for them to have escaped their pursuer and make it to somewhere fortified enough to have survived the level of annihilation that we had unleashed. I could feel the hot tears on my cheeks, despite having felt unable to cry any more earlier and my chest burned as I wailed agonisingly into the air. I felt Jasper's comforting grip on my shoulders and he attempted to move me away but I aggressively shook him off. I leaned forward, taking my head in my hands as I felt my body shaking violently. I sat back up and as my eyes landed on them again, my vision rapidly blurred. I questioned whether the pain had finally pushed me over the brink to insanity and gasped out for air as everything faded to black.