« Ojiisan » called Haruhi « are you awake ? Can I get in ? »
There was no answer. She wondered what she expected. They came back quite late from the Matsuri and Kurozawa-sensei was an old man. He probably went to bed early. In front of the workshop she knew well now, she sat and took some time to ponder. Where to go now that she couldn't be with Souji anymore ? Back to her family ? It was too late to travel by night. If she were to choose that option, it'll have to wait till morning. Why not Shinpachi's ? But she didn't want to bother him. He was already taking care of decaying Heisuke... No way she would go to the Kondou. She might loose her temper and say and do things she might regret. Kurozawa-sensei was the most logical choice, he would have welcomed her without a second thought. But if he wasn't opening the door, then she needed a backup plan.
Souji... That insensitive asshole... He didn't even tell her for how long he had known that he was gonna marry Tama. Jerk. And he asked her to stay with him, selfish bastard... As if things could go on between them, when he would be a married man. She would not be the other woman, even for the man she loved.
He did say he loved me... Bastard took his time but he did say it...
He didn't say it, he said he was pretty sure. There was a nuance. And he could lie as he breathed anyway so it didn't have any value. Even if it was true, then perfect ! Souji wouldn't die and he would have a long and happy life ! With Tama.
Haruhi sat in the dirt, her bag near her and her wakizashi at her waist. She looked at it and opened her bag to replace the sakura kashira and tsuba with the paternless ones she used to have before. These ones were too linked to Souji. She couldn't bear to see them any longer.
« Fujita ? » she heard « I thought I heard a sound. What are you doing here ? »
« Ojiisan » she bowed « I need shelter for tonight, if it obliges you. »
« Yes, sure. » he nodded, sliding the shoji in full « come on in. »
She left her sandals outside and entered the workshop, thanking the old man. He prepared a kettle for tea and she put her hand on his.
« Please, Ojiisan, don't bother. I'll do it. »
« I'm still capable to make tea, Fujita. » he laughed « I may be an old man but my hands are assured. I live by and for them. »
Haruhi nodded and Kurozawa-sensei asked her to sit at the table.
« It's less of a mess. » commented Haruhi with a nod of approval « I'm used to have to tidy everything every time I come. »
« I grew tired of being scolded. » he chuckled « and I'm less creative nowadays. I'm only making basic plates and cups. Orders aren't raining over my head. »
He handed her a cup of fuming tea and she thanked him genuinely.
« Why are you not at the dojo at that time ? » he asked her.
« I quitted. » she answered, blowing on the beverage.
« Really ? » he asked « I thought you were so proud to be sensei now. »
« Yeah, well... I can be sensei elsewhere. » she muttered.
« As a girl, task may be harder than expected. » he stated.
« I know... » she sighed « I'm probably gonna go back to my hometown. »
« Something happened with Okita-san ? » he asked.
« You're nosy. » she pouted « and he uses the name Tsunashi now. »
« So something did happen. » he smiled.
« It's not your business. » she muttered « But we did have a divergence of opinion which was the cause of my departure. »
Kurozawa-sensei smiled, not fooled by her roundabout way of talking, and sipped his tea. Haruhi did the same. They stayed that way in a comfortable silence for a while. After all the yelling, insults and ruckus of her banter with Souji, it was nice to have that peaceful atmosphere.
« I don't want to impose myself here. » she said after a while « I won't stay long. »
« I'm glad to have you here, Fujita. » he nodded « stay the time you want. Who knows, you might regret traveling far if there is a chance of reconciliation between you and Okita-san. »
« Tsunashi » she muttered « and I don't think we can ever reconcile. »
« Tell me what is the matter of your dispute. » he said « maybe I can be of wise aide. »
« Whatever... » sighed Haruhi « Tsunashi is gonna marry. »
« The Kondou girl ? » he asked.
« How do you know ? » she asked on the defensive.
« It's the logical choice for the master of the Shieikan. » he shrugged « It upsets you, I understand. »
« Of course it upsets me ! » she held her head in both her hands « Souji and I... We were something... »
« I know. » he smiled « Maybe the night will bring counsel to both of you. »
« The night won't change anything to the way I feel and my opinion. » she stated « there is nothing left for me at the Shieikan. »
« Whatever you decide, my home is your home, Fujita. » he nodded « but if you'll excuse me, the old fool that I am needs proper sleep. »
« Don't worry about me, Ojiisan ! » she smiled « I know where the futons are and I can take care of myself. »
« Good, Good... » he nodded, yawning « then good night, Fujita. »
« Good night, Ojiisan. »
Kurozawa-sensei went back to his bedroom and Haruhi stayed alone in the workshop. She finished her tea hastily and washed the two cups before she went to the cupboard to get a futon and sheets and install it in a corner of the workshop. Luckily for her the place was tidy for once. She laid the futon and took off her yukata to replace it by a sleeping juban. Her breasts hurt, even bigger than usual, and she massaged them a bit before she brought her hand to her belly.
Souji... She didn't even get the chance to tell him. He probably would have been happy... But now it was too late anyway, he'll have others, with Tama.
What was she gonna do ? She couldn't possibly go back to her father alone and with child. What would he say ? And Chizuru ? It'll bring dishonor on their house and that'd also bring another mouth to feed in their home when Haruhi wasn't even bringing money for now. She would be nothing but a bother. And could she really raise that child anyway ? What if he looked way too much like Souji and remind her everyday of her failure ? She wasn't sure she could love it, knowing that its father chose another one.
« Souji... » she whispered faintly, caressing her lower belly with gritted teeths « you fucking cunt... »
She looked in her bag and got out the herbs that killed. Her family wouldn't be proud to discover that she kept them all this time. They asked her to destroy them or give them to Matsumoto-sensei, to get rid of it. She had never been a very obedient daughter... She kept them just in case it could be handy one day. If she were to have problems while traveling or working or whatever, no way she'd bear the child of a stranger.
She looked at the green-blue dried herbs lengthily. Were they still of use, after all those years ? She didn't even know how she was supposed to use them... eat them ? Boil them in a tea ? Maybe breath them or smoke them ? No one ever bothered to explain it to her and her family only scolded her for possessing them. Chizuru made her promise she'd never take them, saying it could damage her body forever. She knew there was some truth in that but she didn't care. If she were to be unable to bear children, or die of bloodloss, it wouldn't matter. Because she couldn't be with Souji. The whores of her whorehouse told her that the earlier you take them, the safer it was, so she didn't have much time to take a decision.
She put the bag of herbs down and sighed. That fucking idiot. She went to hell for him, she bargained with a Kami, she worked in dangerous places and she followed him anywhere. And all that for what ? For him to marry another girl. In a way it was risible. Souji was feeling guilty of wanting her at first because of their age difference and he was engaged to a girl even younger than she was. It was as if everything was meant to piss her off. Probably the kami was pulling strings to make her fail, or maybe she didn't even stand a chance at the beginning.
She'd follow Kurozawa-sensei's advice and will sleep on it, hoping the night could bring her counsel. If she were to be as resolved tomorrow, she will take a decision. She wouldn't raise a child without a father.
Author note :
Haruhi call him Ojiisan which means « grand-father » or « old man » for someone she likes. It shows she's comfortable with him.
Guest 1, stop divining all the plot ! LoL
I think I'm gonna stop writing and let you write instead since you know all my ideas in advance ! About the adoption, it could have been a solution but I'll explain why he didn't choose it. It's a very « Souji » reason (and now, probably you divined it too, dammit !)
Kitties are fine, they are nineteen days old and have discovered their bottom legs. They can stand on all four, still trembling but they manage. They also try to play with each other even if they are clumsy and they started purring.