"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring."

– Marilyn Monroe

Karina suddenly blinked, the noise from the hall coming back to her as she shook her head, earrings jangling.

"You alright?" Loki asked quietly, leaning down to her.

She nodded, picking up her goblet of wine. "Mm, yeah, just zoned out for a sec." Karina sipped on her wine and smiled over at her mother as Thor continued recanting the tale of his latest victory.

"You didn't miss much," Loki muttered, picking a grape of the bunch in front of him. "He's still going on about it."

Karina chuckled quietly, munching on a slice of apple as she watched her brother wave his arms around frantically as he recanted his tale, Sif somehow catching the tankard of mead he'd knocked over and placing it back on the table without so much as blinking.

"Karina, you should join us next time!" Thor yelled down the table, causing his sister to sigh and shake her head.

"I honestly can't think of anything worse," Karina replied, leaning over the table to grab another slice of meat.

"What about dying?" Fandral asked, raising an eyebrow.

Karina paused, hand outstretched for the bowl, and nodded. "Ok, apart from dying, nothing worse."

There was laughter as she sat back down, happily piling the meat onto her plate as Loki refilled her goblet.

"Then there was the time Karina nearly destroyed a planet!" Thor yelled and Karina groaned, burying her head in her hands.

"That was not what happened, Thor, and you know it!" Karina yelled back, pointing a threatening finger at her older brother.

Laughter ensued again and Karina smiled to herself, quietly munching on the food left on her plate. Karina shivered suddenly and locked to the doors of the hall, frowning as an obscure figure rushed past.

"Everything ok in there?" Loki asked, nudging her with his elbow.

"Yeah, yeah, just thought I saw something," Karina said slowly, shaking her head. "I think I've had too much wine."

Loki chuckled, swiftly switching his goblet of water for hers and smirking at her. "Don't come moaning to me tomorrow when you get a hangover."

"Aw, but Loki, you're my healer. What am I meant to do without you? Suffer?"

"Ideally, yes."

"Not cool, Loki, not cool."

~ 0 ~

The flight back to the tower had been a tense and stressful one. Bruce and Natasha had been the ones who'd struggled to keep the goddess alive long enough to get her back to New York, trying to slow down the bleeding and shock.

Thor had sat down in a far corner and hadn't moved. He'd kept one eye on his sister, not wanting to get in the way of his friends.

"Hey Point Break," Tony said quietly, sitting down next to him. "This is a stupid question, but how are you?"

"Terrified," Thor admitted softly, clenching his fists. "First my mother, then Loki and now Karina… don't know how I'm still standing."

Tony placed a hand on his friends shoulder and sighed. "She'll be ok, Thor. She's a fighter."

Thor shook his head. "I don't think she will be. Even if she survives this…Tony, I think HYDRA did something to her. She was trying to tell me something before…before she got…"

Tony nodded, frowning thoughtfully. "When we get back, I'll do some digging, see what I can find." He stood up and looked down at his friend. "Thor, she'll be – "

"Her blood pressure's dropping!"

Both men turned to watch in horror as the signs of life that Karina had been showing suddenly disappeared, sending the monitors around her blaring.

Tony sat back down in shock as he suddenly realised that, maybe, she wouldn't be fine.

~ 0 ~

"Someday," Loki said as he walked over to the bench, "Karina, you're going to need to know how to do this yourself."

Karina rolled her eyes. "Stop with the lecture and help."

Loki begrudgingly placed his cold hands over the gash Karina had somehow managed to inflict on herself whilst training. A gold hue engulfed her arm and, a minute later, Loki let go, revealing no scar or mark.

"Thank you," Karina said, jumping up again and running back down to where she'd spent the morning training.

Loki shook his head as he followed her down the steps, standing back to watch as she practiced sending fire balls at the targets.

"You're aim is getting better," Loki said after a while. "More central."

Karina threw him a smile over her shoulder. "That's down to you. You, who gives me actually useful advice, not like Thor who just yells at me until we fall out." Karina huffed, plonking herself on the ground. "Why can't we ever just…Oh, I don't know, get along?"

Loki scoffed, moving further down the steps to perch himself on the wall. "The day you and Thor actually get along is the day I die," he replied, crossing his arms. "That'll be a miracle – one that will never actually happen."

"I am offended!" Karina exclaimed. "The day we get along is the day I die."

"Don't say that," Loki said softly, leaning forward. "Don't ever say that."

Karina spun herself around to look at her brother and frowned. "Why?"

"Because, if you die before me, I genuinely do not know what I'd do," Loki admitted quietly, leaning his arms on his legs. "I'd rather die than see you die."

"I'd rather die than watch you die," Karina countered, standing up and kneeling in front of her brother. "So, looks like we've both got to die at the same time, then."

Loki just shook his head, pressing a kiss to his sisters hair as she giggled.

~ 0 ~

He hadn't moved from the small chair since he'd been allowed in. He'd moved it closer to the hospital bed, allowing him to reach out and hold her hand and occasionally nap.

She was in a coma. That's what they'd told him. The bullet had ripped through her intestine causing internal bleeding and leading to her heart stopping. But they'd managed to bring her back.

He didn't know how he was still here. How he hadn't fallen apart and given up.

Alongside the gunshot wound, they'd discovered, through the files they'd managed to steal from the base, that she'd been subjected to experimentation and had suffered a similar fate to that of Bucky Barnes. None of them knew how badly her memory had been wiped and they wouldn't until she woke up.

If she woke up.

No, she would wake up.

She'd recognised him when he'd found her which meant she hadn't forgotten everything. But she'd still had her memories stolen without her consent and had been experimented on for 'science'.

That'd been the other thing they'd said. Her DNA had suffered major changes, some of it being re – written entirely. They'd no idea what had been re – writing and what had changed, but it was obviously life changing.

He hated this. He'd always hated waiting for her to wake up after she'd passed out looking into the future. Waiting was always the hardest part.

There were so many things he regretted saying and not saying. So many things he still wanted to do and to see with her…

Thor sighed heavily, shifting in the uncomfortable hospital chair as he watched his sister breathe, wires and tubes all over her body. He rubbed his eyes and leant back in his chair, crossing his arms and blinking tiredly, the machines beeping around slowly lulling him to sleep.

~ 0 ~

Karina hummed a tune to herself as she wandered through the endless corridors of the palace, dancing between the ornate gold columns, her dress floating around her.

"You look happy."

Karina let out a shriek, turning to face her amused mother. "You scared me!" She exclaimed putting a hand over her heart.

Frigga chuckled as she stepped forward. "Apologies."

Karina just shook her head, smiling, as her mother smirked. "How can I help you?" She asked cheekily.

"I hadn't seen you in a while, that's all," Frigga said, taking Karina's arm in hers. "I was wondering if you were hiding from someone."

Karina groaned. "Am I really that obvious? He's just so…obnoxious!"

"He's your brother."

"Doesn't mean I can't complain about him. He's never looked at me twice and now Thor's all 'Karina, you need to train'."

"He's trying to help," Frigga soothed, patting her hand. "I know your relationship is rocky –"

"Understatement."

"But he means well." Frigga stopped walking and turned Karina to face her. "You can't always rely on your powers, hence why I asked Thor to train you."

"That was you?"

"Yes," Frigga said, undisturbed by her daughter's tone. "Just, please, for me, try to listen to your brother."

Karina sighed. "I'll try."

~ 0 ~

Steve had taken Thor's place. The soldier had forced his friend to take a shower and actually eat something that wasn't from a microwave, promising that he wouldn't leave until he was back. He smoothed back Karina's hair, straightened the sheets and sat back down again, sighing quietly.

"Nat misses you," Steve said quietly, watching Karina's chest move up and down, reassuring himself that she was still alive and hadn't died like she had on the jet. "She'll never admit it but, she does. We all miss you, Ria. Feels weird not having you about." Steve ran a hand through his hair and sighed heavily, closing his eyes. "God, I don't even know if you'll know who I am when you wake up."

Steve scooted the chair closer to the bed, carefully taking Karina's hand in his, trying not to knock the cannula in her hand. He didn't know what else to say to her. Didn't know what he could say. Maybe if he knew that she would remember him it would be easier.

"They, um, found an old case file on me," Steve said quietly as his thumb traced a pattern on the back of her hand. "Well, I say file it's quite a few. There's a box with some of my old things in it, stuff they recovered from the base and what they found on me. Couple of old photos, the compass with Peggy's photo in it…maybe we can go through it?"

Steve's question was answered by beeping and he sighed again, shaking his head. He let go of Karina's hand and sat back in the chair, shifting slightly. He looked up as a nurse walked in, giving him a smile as she went about checking the machines around Karina, adjusting some of the wires and tubes and taking some readings.

"How long have you been here?" She asked quietly, jotting something down on a clipboard.

"Not long, thirty minutes," Steve replied. "I made Thor go and get something to eat."

The nurse nodded. "He hasn't left her side – barely sleeps either."

Steve nodded. "They lost their brother couple of a months ago. He's terrified of losing her too."

"There's nothing more we can do," the nurse said sadly, putting the clipboard back. "It's all down to her now."

~ 0 ~

Karina wasn't entirely sure when she first registered that she was aware of what was happening. There was something beeping next to her, a constant beeping that never stopped or disappeared. Someone's hand was in hers, holding it tightly.

"Karina?"

She forced her eyes open, blinking slowly as everything swam in and out of focus. Her head turned towards the voice and she blinked again, the room coming into focus.

"Hey," Thor said quietly, stroking his sisters hand as she gave him a tired smile. "You're ok."

Karina couldn't find it in her to say anything, instead just smiling at her brother as he leant over and kissed her head. Her hand clumsily squeezed his as her eyes drooped slightly, tired despite only just waking up.

Another person appeared in the room and her brother turned his attention to them, both of them talking low enough that Karina couldn't hear.

"Karina," the other person called. Karina turned her head and tried to give them her full attention despite her foggy head. "Do you know what year it is?"

Karina tried to think but nothing happened. It was just a fog, a never ending fog inside her brain.

"I can't remember," she eventually said, frowning. She missed how her brother visibly slumped and how the other person paused in their writing, their smile falling.

"That's ok," the other person said, jotting something down. "I'll leave you to get some rest."

Thor nodded at Helen as she left, turning back to Karina as his sister struggled to stay awake. "Come on," he said, shuffling her pillows about, "get some sleep."

Karina didn't resist, her eyes closing almost as soon as he'd finish speaking, her hand still entwined with her brothers.

As soon as Karina was asleep, Thor allowed himself a moment to just break. He let out a shaky breath, running a hand through his hair as he struggled to keep his composure.

~ 0 ~

"What do you remember?" Thor asked quietly as he laid next to Karina, running his fingers through her hair.

"I remember you," Karina said softly, turning her head to look at her brother. "I remember Asgard but that's it. What happened to me?"

"You were kidnapped and experimented on by a group called HYDRA. They completely erased your memories but seeing me caused you to remember some things."

"And all these people here?"

"They care about you and you care about them," Thor explained.

"And what about Loki?"

Thor sighed. He'd already told Karina about Loki and their mother, but it appeared she still didn't quite believe him. "We came down to earth three years ago to stop him from invading the earth. A year later he was killed whilst we tried to stop the Dark Elves."

"And mother was killed too."

Thor nodded, glancing down at Karina as he heard her sniff. "You ok?"

"Yeah," Karina said quietly, wiping her eyes. "I'm sorry I can't remember anything."

"Karina," Thor said, sitting up so he could look at his sister properly. "This is not your fault."

Karina nodded, wiping away her tears. "It just feels like it," she whispered. "I see flashes but it's like trying to remember a dream…it all just fades away." Karina let out a sob but quickly silenced herself. "Do you think I'll ever remember?"

"Doctor Cho says there's a strong possibility," Thor replied, kissing Karina's head. "It's not forever, Karina."

Karina nodded again, resting her head against Thor's chest and pulling the blanket up higher. "It feels like it is, though."

~ 0 ~

Karina barely spoke after Thor told her the truth. She'd just lay and stare out the window, eyes misty. She refused to see anyone, not wanting to upset them anymore than she already had.

She was a shell of who she was before.

Cho had run numerous tests on Karina, comparing the results to what they'd found at the base and what they had on record. After a while Karina got tired of constantly being poked and stared at and yelled at them all to go away, accidentally blowing a couple of light bulbs too.

Thor could only watch as his sister wilted away in front of him.

After a while, Karina got bored of mourning her memories. She was fed up of just waiting for something to happen or to change. Instead, she went downstairs to the kitchen.

There'd only been one person in there when she'd plodded down – it had been 6 o'clock in the morning – but she didn't mind.

"Hi, Steve," Karina said, giving him a small wave. "I'm sorry I've been a bit of bitch, recently – "

"It's not your fault, Karina," Steve replied, smiling slightly at the fact she'd remembered his name.

"It is and I'm sorry. I was waiting for something to magically happen but then I realised that if I want to remember, I'm going to have to do it myself." Karina smiled to herself.

Steve nodded, frowning slightly. "Ok?"

"So," Karina said, walking round to stand in front of him. She held out her hand and smiled. "I'm Karina, I have magical powers that allow me to teleport and set things on fire."

Steve chuckled, taking Karina's hand and shaking it. "I'm Steve, I have weird super soldier powers and I have a frisbee for a shield."

"It's nice to meet you, Steve," Karina replied, smiling.

~ 0 ~

Karina had gone around everyone in the tower and reintroduced herself.

"If I can't remember my old relationship with them, I might as well start again," Karina explained to her brother after he questioned why she was doing it. "Maybe it will trigger something."

There'd been one person in particular who she'd bonded with the fastest.

Natasha.

When Karina had approached her to reintroduce herself, the spy had given her a smirk before wrapping her in a hug. Karina had, naturally, been surprised but accepted the hug anyway.

Karina could've sworn she heard Natasha whisper "I missed you" but eventually decided that she'd imagined it.

Natasha had been a big driving force behind Karina feeling as 'normal' as was possible. It'd been her who'd encouraged Karina to start training again.

"I want to try my powers."

Natasha slowly turned to look at Karina. "Come again?"

Karina rolled her eyes. "I want to try my powers out," she repeated slowly. "See what…fizzes."

"Fizzes?"

"I don't know!" Karina exclaimed. "What the fuck does fire do, sparkle?"

Natasha laughed. "Alright, fine. But not too much because otherwise your brother will have my head."

"He'd never decapitate you," Karina replied as she pulled off her hoodie. "I don't think he's capable of that." Karina shook her hands and huffed. "Why am I scared?"

"Because you haven't used them in three months?" Natasha replied, standing a few metres away from Karina, poised in case anything happened. "If anything happens, I'm right here."

"I know," Karina said, looking over at Natasha.

Slowly, Karina closed her eyes and began to imagine a ball of fire in her hands. She could feel the warmth of the fire and her skin was tingling. Karina opened her eyes and giggled, the purple fire in her hands dancing about.

"Can I throw it?" Karina asked, glancing over at Natasha who was smirking.

"Feel free," Natasha replied, waving a hand.

Karina threw the ball of fire at the wall and it flared up the wall, slowly fading away. It left behind a faint scorch mark and Karins threw her head back, laughing.

Karina suddenly found herself falling into a pile of weights, knocking most of them over as she fell onto the ground.

"I didn't mean to do that," Karina said as Natasha jogged over to her. "Teleportation sucks."

"Only because you haven't mastered it yet," Natasha replied, pulling her to her feet. "You ok?"

"Spiny head but, yeah," Karina replied, kicking a weight out the way. "Thanks."

Natasha smiled, her hand still holding Karina's. "No problem."

~ 0 ~

Karina didn't sleep much.

Asgardian's never usually slept much anyway but she never slept.

Every time she tried to, she'd wake up an hour later, sweating and shaking from a nightmare. She never screamed when she woke up, always managing to keep herself quiet before she woke anyone else up.

There was one night where her mind was plagued by nightmares of HYDRA and other events she didn't remember. Karina gave up on sleeping and made her way out into the kitchen, craving a big cup of tea and some biscuits.

The roof above the kitchen was completely flat. There was a small skylight with a ladder next to it that allowed access up there, but no one ever went up there.

Karina frowned when she felt a draft from the skylight, her frown deepening when she saw the ladder hanging down. Using her magic to levitate her tea up the ladder, Karina climbed up, poking her head out the skylight and looking around to see who it was.

"Hey," Natasha said, relaxing upon seeing it was only Karina.

"Nightmares?" Karina asked, standing up and taking her tea.

Natasha nodded, scooting over on the sleeping bag she'd brought up so that Karina could sit next to her. She didn't say anything when Karina sat slightly further away from her than usual, but she did feel her heart ache slightly.

"I don't sleep anymore," Karina said quietly, playing with the edge of the sleeping bag. "Every time I close my eyes I'm back there. And, sometimes, I see things I don't remember, and it scares me…"

"I didn't have my memory wiped, but I was tortured," Natasha said softly. "Red Room were a branch of the KGB and often worked with HYDRA."

Karina rested her head on her knees and turned to look at Natasha. "Do you remember anything?"

Natasha shrugged. "Some things. I have nightmares about it. Killing my friends…"

They fell into silence again for a moment. Karina watched the city below them, the cars still honking despite the late hour.

"Natasha." Karina's voice was quiet, and Natasha sat up, turning her head to look at her. "Be honest with me. Who am I to you?"

For once, Natasha didn't know what to say. She sighed quietly, wrapping her arms around her knees. "One of my closest friends and someone I care about a lot."

Karina nodded. "Ok." She moved so that she could lay down on the sleeping bag, scooting slightly closer to Natasha. "Can I stay up here?"

Natasha laid down next to Karina and nodded. "Stay as long as you need."

~ 0 ~

"Since when does Strucker have the technology and ability to do illegal human experimentation?" Steve asked, looking at Maria Hill.

Maria shrugged and sighed. "I don't know. Loki's sceptre, perhaps?"

"HYDRA took the sceptre, then? Are we certain of that?" Thor asked, crossing his arms.

Maria nodded. "I think we have to assume so, yes. There's been no sign of it since SHIELD fell and any record of it before then has been wiped from the files. It makes sense that the sceptre would allow Strucker to conduct his experiments whilst also upgrading his security."

Steve looked at Thor. "Karina's certain that it was Strucker, yeah?"

"She can't be certain of anything, Steve," Thor reminded him, "but…she recognised his photo – her eyes glowed purple when she saw it and she zoned out for a while."

"It's the best we're going to get, Steve," Maria said quietly. "Until Karina remembers, we have to assume that it's Strucker and he has the sceptre."

Steve sighed heavily and looked over at Sam. "All of the base's we've taken, there's been no sign of the sceptre?"

Sam nodded. "Nothing. Not even a sign of any high-tech weapons or experimentation. Except where Karina was. There were some files that must've used the sceptre but they'd all but cleared out about the time we got Ria and broke in."

"We're struggling, Steve. I've got nothing," Maria admitted, throwing a file onto the desk. "I don't know where to go from here. There's only three known HYDRA bases left and if it isn't there then I don't know where else it'll be."

Steve grimaced. "Keep looking, Hill."

~ 0 ~

Karina shot up in her bed, panting. Her hands were glowing purple and when she glanced over at the mirror on her wall, her eyes were bright purple too.

She exhaled slowly and shakily reached over for a glass of water. The water tasted funny and she set it back down, heart pounding. She was struggling to calm down and felt separate from her body. She stared at the doorknob, not blinking, willing herself to calm down.

It was getting worse. She couldn't keep up with her brain and she couldn't breathe.

Karina jumped out of bed and ran over to her balcony, throwing the door open and leaning against the cold iron of the fence.

The wind stung against her skin, but she didn't move.

"Karina?"

Karina clenched her eyes shut as Tony hovered behind her. She could see the nightmare still and she opened her eyes again, looking down at the city.

"Karina," Tony said softly, still hovering behind her. "What's wrong?"

Karina inhaled sharply, tightening her grip on the iron railing. She lowered her head and exhaled slowly, shaking her head.

Tony recognised the panicked breathing, the shaking hands. He sighed. "Anxiety attack, huh?" Tony asked, moving so that he could lean against the wall. He glanced down at his phone and at what Jarvis was reading. "You know, after New York, I had anxiety. Still do."

Karina nodded slightly and Tony moved to stand next to her, still space between them.

"After New York I had anxiety attacks nearly all the damn time," Tony said softly. "I refused to admit something was wrong and it nearly caused me to loose Pepper."

"How…how did you…cope?" Karina asked as she began to calm down.

"Well, it involved building 45 different suits, having my house blown up, going to Tennessee and taking down an oil rig."

Karina chuckled quietly. "Right, drama queen."

Tony smiled to himself. He looked over at Karina and slide along the railing to stand closer to her. "I talked. I talked to Jarvis, he's surprisingly helpful, I talked to Pepper, I talked to Bruce, he was…less helpful, and I talked to Rhodey. Eventually, I managed to learn how to cope with it.

"I've always had nightmares," Karina said quietly, "I just usually manage to overcome them. But…this is…different. I'm re-living it all again and I can't get out because I'm also remembering. I'm stuck in an endless, dark loop of pain and torture. A loop I can't escape even though I try.

"I hate being a burden. I hate being the one who everyone has to tip-toe around because they don't know what's going to set me off. But I know I'm different then I was before. Physically and mentally. My DNA is different, my powers too. My mind was meddled with and important memories stolen from me. And sometimes I think…what's the point of it all? Why not just go home and get them to fix everything? But this is a war I need to win. I won the battle against HYDRA but now I need to win the war…this is more for my own healing than anyone else's."

"And accepting you're not ok is the first step," Tony added quietly. He stood up and patted Karina on the shoulder. "Whenever you're ready to talk, we'll be here. All of us."

Karina nodded, her hand squeezing Tony's briefly. "I know."

A/N: Hello, I'm back!

I've finally finished my other story off so, hopefully, I'll be focusing on this one more! Saying that, I have started writing my own novel in the background so, who knows what will happen!

I decided I wanted to do a some headcannons every couple of chapters about Karina with stuff that won't make it into the story - please enjoy the one below!

Headcannon:

Karina has two scars on her ribs, one from where Loki accidentally stabbed her when he was twelve and she was seven and the other from where she accidentally stabbed herself when she was messing around with Steve in training.