chapter 19: reunited
Mitsuha - 9 June
For the first time in weeks, my sleep is dreamless. That torture that I experienced every night is gone for once. Just like that.
I don't know if I had a dream at all; perhaps I was too exhausted to notice. I was so tired for the past few days. Yet, this was such a refreshing sleep. For once I've finally had a night that was free of those terrible visions. I have been blessed by the gods.
A knock on the door kicks me out of bed. I'm awake already of course, but that jerks me out of my subconscious state.
"Who's that?" I ask. My voice is weak. But I'm refreshed.
"It's me. Taki." The voice outside replies. I narrow my eyes. Taki. What's he doing here? Why's he visiting me?
"What are you doing here? Come in," I say. I haven't forgiven Taki for what he did. What nerve he has to come and visit me! How did he even know where I was?
He shuffles into the room awkwardly, avoiding eye contact with me entirely, trying not to provoke me. He thinks I'm a wild animal. He's not wrong, technically.
"I...I called you so many times the day before yesterday because you didn't turn up at the meeting we were supposed to have at the restaurant. Then I started getting concerned, of course… Yotsuha told me you went to the hospital..." Taki starts hesitantly, yet full of concern, as if testing the waters.
The waters seem clear, and he forges on.
"But screw all that. It's my fault. I shouldn't have gotten angry when you were simply trying to clarify what you meant, and I was the one who called you in the first place. I made huge and stupid assumptions. I was so apathetic towards you. I brushed off your situation as though it was nothing. I know that I might be partially responsible for this...this situation and I'm really, really sorry about that. God, I'm so glad you're alright, you have every reason to hate me but I just want to say I am so sorry."
Listening to Taki's sincere apology, I can't help but feel a little guilty about the fact that Taki hasn't had peace of mind for the last few weeks. I try to speak up, to at least provide him with some sort of comfort that I don't blame him, even if it was a blatant lie. I blush a bit, but I instantly try to hide it. I pretend to look still upset at him and I make a pouting face. I was still upset, but this relieved it by so much.
"Don't try and deny it, I know I caused this." This time, Taki seems more sure of himself, more firm.
I grunt in agreement. I don't know how to respond, anyway.
"I mean… It's not your fault. I got too hung up over a few things and I let them affect me and everyone around me," I say, head held high. It's sincere, but I'm too proud to admit it.
"It's not your fault. If I were you, I would probably act the same way. I would have felt the same way. Can I… give you a hug? To make you feel better?" Taki says. He's awkward and he's blushing, but there is sincerity behind his words.
"Fine. Be careful, don't touch my saline drip, it hurts." I reply, giving in.
Taki gingerly reaches over and gives me a hug. There are many kinds of hugs, the insincere ones, the goodbye hugs, the hugs to welcome someone home, the hugs to make someone feel loved, the hugs because someone just felt like it…
This is the hug that emanated sincerity, affection and concern. I can feel it. His gingerly embrace, his loose yet passionate hug, his fierce yet terrified eyes. I can see it in his face, see it in his emotion. It is an aura, and I loved it.
I can feel his sincerity. So many times when people apologise, they do it just for the sake of apologising. Taki isn't like that. I can see that in his eyes, in his heart. And that's what draws me so much to him.
He releases the embrace as carefully as before and sits down on the chair beside my bed. There is silence for about 5 minutes. We don't need to speak to convey our emotions. I feel comforted just because of his presence alone.
We talk for the remaining hour. I tell Taki about Grandma, about Yotsuha, about my beautiful experiences with them, walking to the shrine to put the Kuchikamisake, weaving our traditional string, even doing that stupid, embarrassing dance to make the Kuchikamisake in front of our villagers. Taki tells me about his grandma, about her living in Tokyo, about how Taki moved to live with her, about his difficulty in finding a job, about his own emotional issues, the "void" in his heart, I guess as an effort to make me feel better.
I forget to continue being stern and continuing that angry demeanour. I'm still sad and I'm not in the best of moods, but Taki is able to make me laugh. I laugh, for a while in fact, and so does he. I completely forget my initial mood.
As unfortunate as all things can be, Taki has to leave to go for a job interview. All good things have to have an end, because that's what makes them worthwhile. Grandma told me that, and I will always remember that quote. I'm disappointed to see him go, and I wish we could have talked more.
In that instant, my relationship with Taki had begun its healing. And something else had begun.