They ate breakfast in the dining hall, and everyone was there. Their laughter was loud as they got reaquinted with each other.
Under his calm demeanor, Iroh was beginning to worry about his nephew. He thought he was buying Zuko some time earlier, but now he was distracted by the Firelord hardly uttering a word during the mean and barely eating a thing. Zuko just sat there wallowing in his self-pity. He knew it was because of a certain waterbender who sat near the newly awakened Avatar. Her fingers entwined with his, leaning against his shoulder, and never taking her eyes off of him. Iroh felt powerless. There was nothing he could do to alleviate his nephew's pain.
Aang was tired and unwell. It seemed to grow as the meal went on and the noise level rose. Usually, he would have enjoyed this time, he loved being the center of attention, and he had grown quiet used to it in the last few years. He was also extremely happy to see everyone again, laughing and chatting like they hadn't done it in a while.
Yet, his head continued to throb, and he was still chilly in his bones. Nothing had changed, and nothing felt real. He couldn't think straight, especially with Katara sitting quietly beside him. Her fingers brushing his, and her eyes lingered on him. He couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking.
Katara could tell that Aang was beginning to feel uncomfortable, despite his insisting he was fine. She was enjoying the company of a completed group again, but she would have preferred isolation. She felt no motivation to join in on the conversation. She was too distracted with Aang being there again.
At first, it was hard to keep her eyes off of him. She didn't want to scare him into thinking she was a silly, smitten child, but she had eventually given up. She simply wanted to watch him and listen to his voice. She was intoxicated by the glow of his eyes and the sound of his voice. She could never get enough.
He was exactly like he had always been.
Well, he had changed. Of course, he was older now. She had watched him for the last few days, so she had grown familiar with the changes. He had a beard; she hadn't decided if she liked it yet or not. Other alterations in his appearance melted away once he was up and talking again.
Did he know? Did he know all that he was to her? She yearned to tell him, but she had to wait for the right moment. They needed to talk. She needed to explain many, many things to him, but she didn't want to scare him away. Instead, she simply squeezed his hand and hoped that he'd understand her silent encouragement.
After a while, Aang had become aware of Katara's eyes on him. They did not waver. She could fell him staring, and it made is heart feel uneasy.
What was she thinking? What was she looking at? What was she looking for?
She wasn't just looking. She was devouring him with her eyes. He could feel it, and she wasn't going to stop until she had her fill.
He didn't dare to meet her gaze. He wasn't sure he could handle it at the moment. Just the idea made his stomach know and his blood simmer.
Every moment that pasted, he was feeling less like a person and more like a brand-new toy that everyone wanted to play with. What would happen once the thrill expired?
When she suddenly squeezed his hand, his heart faltered. He was feeling that strange, confusing feeling again. He was helpless, and she had no intentions of letting him out of her grasp ever again.
Half of him was panicking. He wanted to free himself from all of this newness and fly far, far away. The other half of him wanted to cling to her and her hand. He wanted to beg her not to let him go.
Either way, he was panicking, but he refused to let it rise to the surface.
Tenzin scarfed down his meal in record time. When he was done, he excused himself and ran off to find more drawing to show Aang. When he returned, Aang tried his best to muster up enough interest for all of them. It was difficult because his head was pounding, and his mind was racing with anxieties. As the minutes ticked by, fleeing was beginning to sound like a better idea.
There was one drawing that Tenzin neglected to show him, but it caught his interest anyways. "What's this one?" Aang took the corner of it and pulled it out from the others.
Tenzin immediately looked uncomfortable. He had forgotten all about that one. "Oh, I'm not donw with that one. It's not very good."
Aang stared at it.
It was a grassy island with a pond in the middle. In the pond, there were two fish- one black and one white. They were swimming, and the water around them looked like it was bubbling upward. In the grass was a tall figure that he had begun to familiarize with himself from Tenzin's other drawings. He looked like he was sleeping with his limbs stretched out. On top of him was Katara's figure, with her exaggerated hair loopies. She was pulling two large jets of water from the pond, and they lead straight to Aang's chest. There was a halo around her as if she were glowing. Above her was another figure in a long, flowing dress. She had her hands on Katara's shoulders. Above both of them was the moon.
Katara was still leaning on Aang shoulders, but she began to doze off. She was able to overcome her lack of sleep and opened her eyes to see the new drawing. Her heart skipped a beat. She hadn't seen that one before. She was shocked that Tenzin had chosen to draw such a terrible scene.
"Um," Aang's voice cracked with emotion. "What do you mean it's not good?"
Tenzin just shrugged. He hadn't meant to show his father that drawing yet.
Aang was staring at it in complete silence. Suddenly, Katara sat up and wondered if he understood it. "That's supposed to be Yue," she pointed to the floating girl. Her own face was turning red.
Aang continued to stare at it. After a few moments, he finally nodded. "I thought it was…" He drifted off and looked at her eyes. His own were filled with an indescribable emotion. "Is this…? Is this real?"
Katara's mouth broke out into a small, coy smile.
"… Is it you saving me?"
She nodded. "Me and Yue."
He shook his head and looked at the drawing once again. "Was I…? What happened?"
"You, um- well… You were gone for a few minutes there."
"I was?"
"I thought it was over. We all did," Her voice struggled with emotion. "I really thought that after everything with Koh, that you were just… and it was all over. There was nothing I could do, and you would never…" She bit her lip and took a deep breath. "Yue helped me. She helped bring you back."
His eyes were still fixed on the drawing. He couldn't speak for a few moments, but when he did, his voice was soft. It pushed through thick layers of remorse and wonder and gratitude. "So, I guess this means you've brought me back from the dead twice now, huh? Literally."
A small and quiet laugh came out of her mouth. "Yeah… I guess so." She exhaled with nervous modesty. "Don't make me do it again."
"Okay. I'll do my best."
She began to caress his fingers again, and she felt like she was ready to burst with all the information of the last five years that he had missed. She wanted to tell him everything. How he wasn't supposed to even exist right now, but he did. How she had done it, and all he ever had to do to repay her was to make her happy.
He turned back to her and gazed at her in wonder. "Thank you," he whispered.
For a moment, the two of them were lost in each other's eyes. For the first time that morning, he had given her a small but genuine smile, free of worry and confusion. For a brief moment, he let himself love her again without any fear or any doubts. She had given him his life back, and he couldn't afford to waste it on doubts as long as she was by his side. He lifted his hand and brushed her cheek.
She glowed at his movement, and felt her face grow warmer. Her bright eyes held his. "You're, um… You're welcome."
Overflowing with emotion, Aang leaned forward and gently kissed her. She tilted into it. The kiss was longer than he meant for it to be, and he slipped his hands into her hair. He was unable to make it stop, and she carefully wrapped her arms around his neck. When they parted, they lingered with their faces close to each other. Their eyes connected, and they forget everything else in the world. For once, everything was okay.
The only thing that could interrupt it was Sokka. "Hey, come on, guys. Not in front of the children."
The spell was broken, and Aang and Katara parted with a blush.
Katara glared at her brother. "You mean not in front of you."
"Yes… No, well yes. I forgot how much you two grossed me out."
Suki elbowed him hard. "Sokka, leave them alone."
"Ow!" He rubbed his side. "I'm really happy for you guys and all, but you still give me the oogies."
"Oogies?" Suki laughed. "When was the last time you used that word? When you were eight?"
"Eighteen, actually," Sokka narrowed his eyes at her. "It was a perfect word for them!"
Meanwhile, Katara looked around the group and noticed one member was missing. Zuko had vanished. She didn't even notice when he had left because she was too focused on Aang. Seeing them together must have been too much for him. She wanted to find him and explain herself to him, but she needed to stay with Aang more. She was scared that if she left him out of her sight, she'd never see him again.
Her eyes drifted to Iroh, and she had noticed him looking at her with a frown. This confirmed that she had been the reason Zuko had left breakfast. The idea made her gut twist.
She felt angry that she couldn't simply enjoy her time with Aang without it causing Zuko pain. It was selfish, but it was real.
"Can I keep this drawing, Tenzin?" Aang asked his son. His voice pulled Katara from her thoughts.
Tenzin giggled and wordlessly nodded with a silly grin. Then, he turned to Ursa and whispered something in her ear. Ursa giggled at whatever he had said.
"What are you two whispering about?" Katara asked them. Both children turned bright red.
"Nothing!" Ursa answered quickly. She wore an innocent grin.
But Tenzin was younger and less skilled at keeping secrets. He had been bursting all morning to ask them, "Are you guys gonna get married today?"
Everyone froze, and a sudden silence washed over them. Everyone's eyes turned to Aang and Katara. Everyone else's faces were different: Ursa was embarrassed, Iroh was hopeful, Suki was in shock, and Sokka's showed dread. He knew what had happened the last time this question was asked. He tried to give Aang a look that begged him to not freak out, or overreact, or underreact, or do something stupid.
Katara was blushing with her mouth wide open.
Tenzin looked at them with eagerness.
And Aang went pale. He looked frightened and like he might get sick.
Neither of them replied.
Of course, Katara wanted to get married… and as soon as possible. But she didn't know how Aang felt about the situation and didn't want to freak him out. The subject had yet to come up. They hadn't even had time to talk about the past five years yet.
Then it hit her. She hadn't told Aang that she had changed her mind and her answer. In the whirlwind of excitement, she had forgotten to say the words in real life. Surely, he must know.
If it had been up to her, she would have answered Tenzin without hesitation. They'd be married but not too soon, certainly not today. They'd have to plan it so both of their cultures could be represented, and her father had to be present.
But she didn't answer, she couldn't speak for Aang. Did he still want to? She assumed so, but had he forgiven her for her last answer? She hoped so, after all she had gone through to bring him back.
She turned to meet his gaze with her stomach in knots. She gave him a small smile and asked him the same question with her eyes.
Aang just stared back at her like a frightened animal in a trap.
He wanted to. He had wanted this for so long, but two days ago, he had asked her. She crushed him, ran away, and left him confused and broken.
He was petrified. Why did she want to now? Why not before?
He could see it in her eyes. She wanted to desperately, but he didn't understand. He couldn't answer, so he sat there in silence with a look of terror on his face.
"Ahem, they couldn't possibly get married today," Iroh chimed in. He broke the silence and gave Aang and Katara the escape that they needed. Tenzin looked confused and disappointed. "These things take time and planning. It'd be too much for one day."
Tenzin furrowed his brow at the old man. "But Ursa said they could today?"
Ursa looked equally disappointed. "Yeah, Uncle. Why not?"
"Wouldn't you want your grandfather to be there, Tenzin?"
Tenzin looked taken aback. He had forgotten all about his extended family. "Oh, right and Gran Gran and Pakku too."
"Besides, your father has barely been awake for two hours. Don't you think he needs rest before we start to plan other things?"
Tenzin frowned and mumbled, "I guess."
Katara finally released the breath he had been holding and looked back to Aang. She wanted to know what he was thinking.
Aang couldn't look at her anymore. He couldn't look at anyone. His eyes slowly closed desperate for solitude and normalcy. He could already feel that small surge of uncomplicated love drifting away. He wanted to hold onto it, but it was useless. His heart clawed at his chest, and he began to panic.
He needed to get out of here. He had to leave and get space or air or just be alone. Just for a few minutes.
Abruptly, he stood. "I," He said in a shaky tone. "I'm gonna go outside for a while."
Katara reached up and grabbed his hand before he could escape. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," he insisted, his voice squeaked a bit. "I just- I just need some air."
"I'll come with you," she offered. She was hoping for a chance to talk to him and sort everything out.
"No!" He cried and pulled his hand away from hers. He burned with guilt when he saw the upset look on her face. "Sorry. I'm sorry, Katara. I just… need some time to myself. I'll just be gone for a few minutes, okay?"
"Oh, okay," she replied with worry. She swallowed hard to restrain herself from saying something she didn't mean to. "I understand. Just come find me when you're done."
He nodded at her and quickly left the room. He had to resist the urge to run.
Aang escaped into the fresh air in front of the dining hall. He felt as if he had been suffocating. His head was pounding, and the bright sunlight reflecting on the snow only made it worse. He covered his eyes with his hands and tried to clam his head and muscles.
What's wrong with me?
It wasn't just his confusion and heartache. There was something else wrong, but he didn't know what it was. He didn't know anything.
Now, he had some time to think and sort out his thoughts. He sighed in this little bit of peace.
Aang leaned against the icy wall of the building. It made him shiver, and he began to wonder why he still couldn't get warm like he normally could. He slid down the wall and folded his legs into his usual meditative position: fist together and eyes closed.
He inhaled the frigid air as he tried to immerse himself the best he could into his element. After a few moments, the throbbing in his head faded away, but the chill still lingered.
The silence wasn't completely silent. The sounds of a bust market and bustling people soothed him. He stared at the insides of his eyelids and tried to relax. His mind stopped wondering, and he surrendered himself to the vastness.
Then, the dull pain in his skull returned.
What's wrong with me? What's going on?
It was probably just sickness from coming back from the Spirit World after five years. He hadn't even been awake for two hours, and he hadn't had any time to recover.
He just needed some time.
The question still lingered in his mind.
No, not right now. Stop thinking for a while. He returned to his mediation and exhaled slowly. Now was not the time to think about the last… five… years. He had to think about that, how could he not? He had to make himself understand it. It felt like two days for him, but it was really five years for everyone else.
Katara had five years to change her mind. She didn't want him until he left… that thought had been haunting Aang all morning.
So, what if I hadn't disappeared? Would she still have changed her mind?
Or did she only change her mind because I had disappeared.
Then, he realized that an even bigger question had been asked. Tenzin had brought up marriage. Why did she want it not and not before?
Because he disappeared.
She didn't want him until she couldn't have him.
Aang felt awful for thinking that way, and he wanted to believe that it wasn't true, but there was no other explanation. But then again, did it really matter why? She wanted him now, and that was all that mattered. If she didn't want him, why would she go through the trouble to save him?
The truth was, that it really did matter why. It mattered why she changed her mind, why her answer was no in the first place. How long would it last this time? How long before she changed her mind again?
She had seemed so happy before, and he never suspected that she might have any secret feelings. She was fine, they were happy, until they weren't. All because he had asked her to marry him. His mind tried to search back through the details of that day, the conversation on Appa's back. She had told him they he hadn't thought things through, that he was selfish for asking her to leave her family, and that destinies can change.
It was more than not being able to raise a family on the back of Appa.
He knew it was. There was more meaning behind her words. The idea of marriage had never repulsed her before. So, all that time they were together, she was just passing time? She could just end it whenever she wanted? His thoughts were more bitter than usual, and his heart tore. He clenched his jaw as willed his tears away. He would have made a wonderful husband and father. If she had thought any different, then she was lying to herself.
Sure, he wasn't the most mature person, but that was his air nomad behavior. And now, he was robbed out of five years of maturation, and he felt like she had left him behind. But now she wanted him after all. He tired to sort it out. Deep down, he knew that only Katara could answer these questions for him. They needed to talk, and he needed to actually ask them.
But he was terrified that he'd only disappoint her again. He couldn't hurt her like she hurt him, and he couldn't stop loving her. He had already given her his whole heart years ago, and now there was nothing stopping her from crushing it… again.
He couldn't meditate. After one last failed attempt, he rose to his feel and wondered back to the door of the dining hall. As he reached for the door, he froze.
For the first time in five years, he saw his reflection. The sight startled him, and the strange reflection gaped back at him with a stupid look. His breath caught in his throat.
He was… old.
No, he shook his head. Just older… but he already knew that. It was just… different actually seeing it. Before, he couldn't believe that he aged, and now his face just looked… fake or something. Like a mask of his twenty-one-year-old self hiding his sixteen-year-old one. It embarrassed him, as if he was pretending to be someone else. Someone with more authority and masculinity.
Although, it really isn't that different, he thought after a moment, trying to convince himself that it was really him. In fact, now that he thought about it, he wasn't sure what had specifically changed. His nose, eyes, and mouth were the same. His arrow was still there.
Yet, something had changed. Not one specific feature, but something overall. It didn't help that he hadn't shaved yet, or that his head was covered with thick, black stubble. It crept down his cheeks and spread over his jaw and chin. He touched it cautiously.
Like Sokka had told him, it didn't look bad. It was just different. He almost felt embarrassed by it. He didn't feel like he had earned the right to grow a beard, yet it grew anyways.
Katara didn't even mention it. He wondered what she thought of it. She had to have thought something about it. It looked so out of place on him.
Then, he realized that he had "filled out" like Suki suggested. His shoulders and chest were broader. He had grown taller. His limbs were almost too long and almost too thick. They also faked maturity. No wonder he felt so uncomfortable in his own body.
This is who I am¸ he told himself. He was now twenty- one with facial hair and a son. This was who he was now, and he knew it. He'd just have to get used to it.
Then, a new thought struck him. This is why Katara was staring at him all morning. She was looking at the guy in the reflection. The one with the stubble and fake maturity. The thought made him feel better. He wasn't an object in a zoo, he just looked different.
Aang could now see that he belonged beside Katara. His self-consciousness melted away. She hadn't left him behind; he grew up with her. No one would think they didn't match.
But this Aang was an impostor. He was only the outside, and the real Aang was hidden within. This made him feel even more like she would reject him. If only she knew…
Aang shook his head and pulled his eyes away from his reflection. I need to shave, he thought and hastily ran off to do so. The others could wait. When he turned the corner, he almost plowed into Zuko.
"Oh! Hi, Zuko," he exclaimed.
"Ah!" A startled Zuko cried. He blanched at the reason for his fright.
"Didn't see you there." Aang laughed nervously.
"Uh… its okay," Zuko blinked rapidly, trying to regain his composure. "Hey, I'm glad I ran into you. We still need to talk." Zuko's eyes searched beyond Aang. "Katara's not here is she?"
Aang's head tilted in confusion. "No, why?"
"Well," Zuko sighed. It was now or never. He shoved his hand into his pockets. "Listen, there's something I need to… clear up with you. It's about me and Katara."
But he couldn't get any further. He was interrupted by a loud shout from the direction Aang had come from. "There they are!" Sokka's voice rang out. He pointed at Aang and Zuko before quickly walking towards them. "Good, you're both here. It seems we have a… situation."
Then, a grim looking Chief Arnook came huffing up behind him. Aang recognized him immediately. "Avatar Aang, it's good to hear that you are awake."
"It's good to be awake," Aang replied with false cheerfulness.
Chief Arnook looked to Zuko, "Firelord Zuko, Azula attempted to escape from prison last night. Well, actually, she did escape. She got out of her cell before my guards were able to subdue her."
"How is that possible? She's covered in metal." Zuko couldn't hide the exhaustion in his voice.
"Yes, well she didn't use firebending. She knocked a guard out and fought her way out. She's unconscious at the moment and frozen to a wall."
Aang observed the way Zuko was barely suppressing his panic. He reached out and out a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Zuko, it sounds like they have everything under control right now. Don't get too worried."
Zuko too a deep beath and rolled his shoulders back in an attempt to relax. "I'm so sorry, Chief Arnook."
"I think it is time that we do something about your sister. Now that the Avatar is awake, he can take away her bending, and she can leave my city before anyone else gets hurt."
All three of their eyes turned to Aang. At the mention of his unique technique, his eyes grew wide. Zuko really did want him to take Azula's bending away.
Great.