Chapter 18

Kylo knows he should go to bed and rest it would be the thing she wanted him to do , but instead he keeps obsessively checking to see if she's responded to his message. He'd hoped that after their brief contact she would be moved to reach out to him. But it's well past midnight and she's not written anything. He's staring out his view screen, remembering that this is the very spot where he'd kissed her … So much has happened since then that he can't quite believe that it has only been days since his lips first touched hers. He'd not known that it was possible to feel such aching desire and deep love at the same time. He flexes his hands, remembering how the Bond had licked against his palms. He swallows and checks again for a message.

He startles awake and realizes he must have slept for some portion of the night. When he'd gone to bed, she still hadn't responded to his message. He lunges from the bed to check. There. She's replied. He was happy she finally wrote back. It showed she was giving in and trying to forgive him. His heart was beating wildly.

"I'm not prepared to see the filth who luke cursed me with, but thank you for the candy"

kylo reads it over and over again. It's painfully short, but he hadn't expected anything else, really. He's surprised that she doesn't want to find her filth of mother immediately, he knew zelena wants to be alone with the woman who curses her daughter to that kind of life. Luke made sure he picked real winners. but then he remembers how deeply usagi had been hurt by the knowledge that she'd been thrown away. He reads her message again. She wasn't angry that he'd left a package at her door. Perhaps he could have the kitchens send her another special dessert tonight? Or he could go down to Vren before they leave, find something for her … no, he shouldn't press. But oh how he wants to. Selecting things for her had been one of his favorite ways to stave off his loneliness. There is a meeting with the war council first thing this morning, so Kylo begins to ready himself for another day of missing usagi.

General Jehan's hologram says emphatically. Kylo wonders if he should have invited his knights to participate. Palek might be able to help keep the blood-thirsty general calm. He remembers the immense knight saying that Jehan is a bit zealous. But amara and micharu, lord hades and lady zelena and a few others joined him after they forgave him. But they still don't like zoycite and understand why

"Yes, I agree. We cannot allow such an action to go unaddressed. We are at a tipping point with the galaxy. After Starkiller, it was only our superior fleet that allowed us to subdue our territory. We're in the midst of a number of tense negotiations and it would be impractical to pursue a military solution for each situation. We cannotbe seen as weak."

This comes from General Prost. He tends to say what Hux is thinking. Kylo hopes that is not the case today, as he would prefer not to contradict Hux in front of the war council, but it is quite likely that he will need to. While everyone in the room started bitching about one thing or another. And it seemed hux is in the dog house again by the looks minako was giving her husband. While hades narrowed his eyes.

"Speaking of these negotiations, it would be extremely helpful if we were to walk back our recent … adjustments to policy,

"Meaning?" asked kylo

"To put it bluntly, Supreme Leader, it is not always feasible to eradicate slavery at the outset."

"That is non-negotiable," said Kylo

"But if we took a more gradual approach, it would allow us to make more headway with certain systems," Zallten argues.

"It is non-negotiable," hissed Kylo.

"As you say, sir."

The generals continue to debate and squabble along with everyone else. Just as long no one throwing power at each other yet, Kylo tunes them out. He knows he won't order that they retaliate but he lets them have their say. Eventually he hears Hux begin to speak. Amara and zelena laid a hand on his shoulder to let him know it's going to be ok. They just needed to get through this and fast. Hux was getting uncomfortable since the gay guy who has a crush on hux was drooling all over him and minako looking smug.

"Generals, after hearing all that you have to say, it is my suggestion that we pull back and discover how the Resistance gained such specific intelligence. The attack was nearly surgical in its precision and required extensive knowledge of ship systems and fleet movements. Additionally, given the depth of the leak, it is extremely odd that they did not attack the Finalizer. They must know this is the Supreme Leader's ship. We need to find the spy or spies before we take anyaction." Said hyx

kylo is surprised that Hux has suggested the same course of action he had been planning to order. He'd been certain that Hux would agree with the other generals, but he has surprised him. It is very strange that the Resistance didn't attack the Finalizer. Time has distanced him from the event, and now he sees the bigger picture. he sees that they could have easily mounted the murder plot, but they didn't. Why? It isn't like his bitch mother to leave someone behind she wanted dead. She just messed with her mind.

"General Hux is correct. For now we do nothing," said amara

"No! We must not be so cowardly!"

General Jehan fumes. Her nostrils flare and there's murderin her eyes. As amara cold b,he eyes continued to have a staring match with the general. kylo is about to showthe fanatical general why she willaccept this when Hux again speaks as minako slapped him in the head to continue on what he was saying or he will be stay with his new buddy for the night.

"General Jehan, your commitment to the First Order is commendable, but surely you must see what would happen if we moved now? The Resistance would, in all likelihood, be alerted, and we would be walking into a trap. We must clean our own house first, as it were." Said hux

"We will proceed as General Hux has suggested. Begin ship wide investigations. Find me the traitor. We will continue to monitor Resistance movements and act if it becomes necessary. You are all dismissed," orders kylo

There is an uneasy silence but, one by one, the projections disappear and he's left in his hall with only Hux. And the others around him. But he should be thanking minako and the gay guy who is now known as tigers eye. But hux sighed in relief as minako kissed him to tell him he was forgiven. Kylo snickered as he enjoyed their antics. While everyone else left to go back to do what they were doing before this meeting.

"Thank you, General," said kylo

"For what, sir?" asked hux

"You handled the other generals well and your analysis of the situation matched my own. And amara didn't have to kill anyone" said kylo

"Well, yes … as you say, sir." Said Hux

Hux is obviously unbalanced while his buddy kissed him and left. This was kylo lucky day to see hux squirm. He has to thank tigerseye later for the amusement and minako as well, and Kylo thinks perhaps he's found a new way to needle the annoying man. And minako will help him when it comes to her husband. And hux new buddy. Oh he wish usagi could join him on this one.

"It's time to rejoin the fleet," said kylo

"I thought we would be pursuing the latest lead on the usagi parents, even I think we should stop for her of safety,I find her true parents agreeable" said hux

Kylo would prefer to finish the task he set for himself and locate usagi family she was forced to be reborn into. But hades told him he has been making luke suffer along with his father, he thanked hin for doing that. but she has said she's not ready so he will respect that. Hux is obviously pleased with this development. At least someone is happy today.

meanwhile a little while later

Kylo was back in his office, wondering what she's thinking about. Speaking with Vitok had helped considerably. He just needs to show usagi that he won't control her and then she'll let him back in. It will only be another day or so; he's sure of it after their brief contact last night. He'd feltthat she misses him. It won't be a month. It won't even be a week. Yes, soon he will again hold her to him and feel her sweet lips. His comm chirps taking him out of his fantasy.

"Sir, she's leaving her rooms with KS-2153," a voice he doesn't know informs him.

"Route the feed to my datapad." Ordered kylo

"Immediately, sir."

He snatches up the device greedily. He's going to see her! The image comes up and he sees as she and zoycite make their way down the corridor. He watches, taking in everything. Her hair was in its normal style as it falls down her back and she's wearing a pale pink dress with a delicate overlay of lace. It's the loveliest thing he's ever seen her select and he frowns. Well other than her serenity dress. Where is she going dressed like that? then he notices the ribbon around her neck and he relaxes. She's chosen to continue to wear his gift. He will need to have the necklace repaired once she will see him.

kylo smiles as she unconsciously rubs her fingers along her chest, where the gems must rest beneath her gown. The odd pair moves down the hallway and a few stormtroopers stare at usagi. His eyes narrow beneath his mask. He will need to issue a standing order that usagi is notto be staredat. panic tears through him as he realizes they're nearing medical. Is usagi hurt? Is she ill? She appears to be fine, but why would they be going there? they enter the med bay and usagi talks with szayel and mayuri who hugged her to him, the man thought of her as his own child. Kylo wishes he could hearwhat she's saying. He watches in confusion as they're led to … Wylan Ren. She's visiting Wylan. How does she even know he's there? He jumps to his feet as fury takes him over. No, usagi will notspend time with that man. He won't allow it. He doesn't care that he's shut out, this cannot continue, regardless of her need for time.

he's striding to his office door when he realizes she would knowhe's watching if he arrived in medical. She would make him stop and he knows he cannot cope if he doesn't know where she is at all times. The indecision is agonizing. He won't let her spend time with Wylan, he won't. But he can't reveal that he has her under surveillance. this is the only way that he may seeher and the prospect of losing this access forces him to return to his desk. He clutches the datapad and continues to watch, his teeth clenched. Now usagi is sitting by Wylan's unconscious form and her face is twisted in concern. He snorts in derision. Wylan does not deserve her concern. While szayel and mayuri stood behind her. she only knew what sort of person he was. Power hungry, never caring what anyone else thinks, doing what he pleases. Oh how he hates Wylan Ren. He should have begged Snoke to leave him behind at the Academy.

usagi is saying something to the still man, and Kylo has to remind himself that he will find out everything she is saying when zoycite reports to him this evening. He tries to focus on how beautiful usagi looks today when a cold thought whips through him. Had usagi dressed so nicely for Wylan? Small objects around the room begin to vibrate. Yes she is a queen and its normal for this. But it angered him to no ends. then time slows as he watches usagi reach out and take Wylan's hand. She'stouchinghim. At first he can't quite comprehend what he's seeing. Those perfect fingers that feel so goodagainst his face, in his hair, they're curling around Wylan's.She'stouchinghim. This can't be happening. He should have killed him, to hell with how it would have looked to the other knights. Wylan Ren deserves to die. He wants to take up his saber and destroy, but he doesn't dare miss a moment of usagi so he makes himself watch.

She's saying something to Wylan once again. She strokes her thumb across the back of his hand and Kylo feels as if those soft, gentle hands have reached into his chest and torn his heart in two. She'stouchinghim. Her hands, her sacred hands, are touching another. Those fingers that glide across his cheek and steal his breath are wrapped in Wylan Ren's hand.She'stouchinghim. Whoever came into his office and left knowing better to avoid him when he was like this. He thinks it was tamaki but he left quickly knowing it was a bad time to come see how he was doing, because jasper the must of felt his anger and bolted with tamaki, he can't do this. He can't handle this. She's shut him out and she's with another man. Oh Maker, please make it stop.

He can't control himself any longer. The desperate jealousy bubbles from him and he howls in rage.She'stouchinghim. While people ran away that was near his office knowing to get far away when they feel this, they have introduction meeting when they first start about when to run for your life, He flings the datapad across the room and it shatters. He hears someone trying to get in. He doesn't care. He screams as he flips his desk then Force pushes it into the wall. His power wells from him in pulsing waves and, in a few seconds, every piece of furniture in his office has been turned to scrap.

His saber is ignited and he plunges it into the wall, wishing it was Wylan's chest. He pulls back and strikes again. Over and over, he hacks and stabs, imagining Wylan's body torn into a million pieces. His blood, painting the walls. but it still isn't enough to calm him.She'stouchinghim. He hurls his saber and it is impaled into the bulkhead, hissing and spitting. He pulls his helmet from his face and throws it across the room as well. He roars, his powerless anguish pouring from him, causing the detritus to whirl dangerously around the room.She'stouchinghim. He's panting and shaking and it's all he can do to keep himself from battering against the Bond. She must not know he's seen. Hux breaks through the door and stumbles into the destroyed room. With a worried minako and a very scared tamaki behind them. Kylo doesn't respond, only reaches out with the Force and calls his saber to him. She'stouchinghim. Again he swings his saber, this time into the decking.

"Stop that! Stop that right now, you infuriating infant! You are scaring poor tamaki look at him. Minako take him to his room and stay there until I get there. You'll break through to the deck below! Dammit, man, get control of yourself!" demanded hux

Kylo doesn't care. She's shut him out and chosen someone new. He was foolish to think she'd ever want him. The metal is beginning to pool and he stabs his saber deep into the deck. His weapon is stuck and he screams as he Force pushes against the durasteel of the opposite wall. He staggers as he feels the Finalizerlurch beneath his boots. As he was tackled to the floor and was injected with something. As everything went to black,

Meanwhile a little while later

Kylo splutters awake, confused by the feeling of water on his face. He blinks and gasps and the room swims into view. He's flat on his back; Hux is looming over him holding a water jug and looking very irritated indeed. Then he sees Vitok's mask she's bent over him as well. And szayel looking very pissed off at him right now. Hux glared at him as well, this was enough they will deal with him the way they have to.

"Are you quite through? Or do I need szayel to sedate you again." Demanded hux

Kylo struggles and eventually he sits up. He feels a bit groggy and he can't quite remember what had happened. Then he sees Rey. He scrambles to his feet and moves to her swiftly. It's such a relief to see her. He wants to sweep her into his arms and never let her go. Szayel had enough with him to knock him out for days. While mayuri was shaking his head at him. Usagi was standing there looking shocked.

"usagi!" cried kylo

kylo reaches for her. She shrinks back but says nothing and her expression is guarded. His mind is clearing and he realizes it's very strange that she's here. She had been with Wylan. He feels a rekindling of the rage but he reminds himself that usagi is here, not with him. He must control himself; he mustn't frighten her away. She was in her cosmos form as if she needed to help fight while minako in sailor venus.

"usagi … I'm so glad to see you, but why are you here?" asked kylo

"When the ship moved like that, I reached out but you weren't there. I was worried … more than worried. So I made szayel and mayuri bring me here … I didn't know where else to go. You wouldn't respond; the Bond was just … empty." Said usagi

Her eyes are haunted while szayel and mayuri and venus behind her. They are in a protective formation around her. He wonders why he had been unconscious and realizes she's just revealed the Bond to Hux. Marvelous. But it was szayel who looks like he wanted to just punch him right now. Kylo reluctantly turns to Hux and finds the general's expression speculative. As a angry soi with tamaki in her arms. Usagi walked to her son and kissed him as she told soi to take him to their room and help him.

"What happened?" asked kylo

"I sedated you, pretty fair amount of course," said szayel

"You sedated me?" asked kylo

"You were about to find yourself on the deck below and you were rocking theentireship. Scared poor tamaki, It was sedate you or let you continue to tear the Finalizerto bits. Given the fact that your little tantrum was felt on alldecks, it seemed prudent to act.." said mayuri

He should be furious, but instead he's … embarrassed that he had to be sedated. And needed to apologize to tamaki. He looks around his office and sees the extent of his destruction. It appears that nothing survived his rage. And now usagi has seen it kylo shifts his attention back to usagi. She seems … afraid. He wants to talk with her but Vitok and Hux are right here. He looks into her eyes and they're wide with conflict and confusion. She fiddles with her fuku and looks around quickly, seeming like awkward Vitok steps forward.

"Perhaps I should take usagi back to her quarters." Said vitok

"No … I will see her to her quarters. If that is acceptable to you, usagi." Said kylo

"Uhm. Alright." Said usagi

Kylo doesn't respond, focused on usagi. Will she take his arm? Will she grant him such a gift? He walks to where his helmet had landed and is about to pick it up when he feels eyes on him. He looks to usagi and finds her watching him. If he didn't put it on, perhaps that would please her? He leaves it as it is and returns to usagi side. She looked to the others, they only nodded for her to go with him.

He indicates that she should precede him. She pauses but then she walks past him. She's chosen not to touch him. He pushes down his disappointment and comforts himself with simply being able to be near her. They walk through the door and he ignores how the entire bridge stares at seeing him again unmasked.

Meanwhile a little while later

They're walking through the corridors and he's trying to stay focused. Usagi sighed and detransformed and was right next to him and his hands itch to reach for her. He remembers what it felt like to have her fingers wrapped around his arm and he tries to tell himself that she'll relent soon. He's startled when she timidly asks,

"Was it because of me?" asked usagi

"Was what because of you?" asked kylo

"What happened … in your office. Was it because of me?" asked usagi

It was far too much to hope that she wouldn't ask why he had so completely lost control. He should have understood immediately that he would need to explain. This is not going to go well for him. He's alarmed by how fearful she seems. Had she seen any of it? When did she arrive with others? The corridor is empty so he stops them walking and turns to her. He looks into her exquisite eyes and tries not to lose himself in their depths. He wants to tell her how much he has missed her, how he loves her, but he knows he's on borrowed time. She'd asked if his behavior was because of her. He supposes some could say that it was.

"In a way. But perhaps … would you permit me to come in and talk with you when we reach your rooms? I would prefer not to have this conversation in the hallway." Said kylo

Usagi tenses and looks around frantically. He almost wishes he hadn't asked. she seems truly terrified at the prospect of being alone with him. He pushes aside the ragged tear through his devotion. Her eyes glimmer with blue eyes looked thoughtful, vitok told her to be very careful with him, and she was not sure if she should or not, but maybe she should to see what he needed to say to her on his behavior.

"I … don't know. I wasn't ready to see you yet. I just got so scared when you wouldn't respond through the Bond. I don't … I don't think I should." Said usagi

They're standing very close and the pull is wrapping around him. his hands, his heart, his instincts are begging him to act. Her eyes are liquid with confused yearning. Hesitantly, he reaches up and cups her cheek with his gloved hand. He's so grateful when she doesn't pull away. He strokes his fingers along her skin and she turns her head. She's almost nuzzling his hand and he's breathing shallowly. He fiercely wishes he wasn't wearing his gloves, he needsto feel her skin. He's not sure when he'll next be able to touch her, and he wants to experience this moment to the fullest. But even through the leather, feeling her under his fingers is healing all of his tattered places and the howling terror is quieting. He brings his other hand to her face.

"I promise, I'll leave when you ask me to. I'll give you all the time that you need." Said kylo

"You will? Truly?" asked usagi

"Yes, I won't push you to see me again until you're ready." Said kylo

"You'll go when I say?" asked usagi

"I promise." Said kylo

He strokes both cheeks, trying not to fall into her eyes. She pulls his hands from her face, tangling her fingers with his. But she was going to give him this, she was going to try and give him another chance but she still is upset with him. Most of all after giving her son a mega set back. Soi knows what to do, she has been trained on when he has a set back. And so is vitok. They needed to know this since they are their soulmates.

he says gently as he squeezes her hands. No matter how difficult it will be for him.

She catches his eyes. usagi keeps his hand in hers as they continue walking. He's back in her rooms, sitting next to her. He'd removed his gloves immediately upon entering. It's so wonderful to be in her presence again, but if he's forced to tell her he was watching her it really might be a year before he would again feel his luminous usagi. He's exceptionally apprehensive. usagi looks at him and she seems almost guilty.

"Was it my fault?" asked usagi

"Why would you think that?" asked kylo

"General Hux told me you were so upset that you made the ship rock. Was it me? Did I make you feel like that? Was it … because I asked for time?" asked usagi

Now he sees. She's not afraid that his behavior is her fault. She's not afraid of him no, in a way she thinks she's hurt him again. And, in a way, she did. But he knows she didn't intend to. But hux did fill her in on things. If it took them all and szayel to sedate him it was a pretty bad one. But he cant tell her the truth on why he was so pissed off. That would be bad for him. Even though she is upset with him about freaking tamaki and draco both out,

"No … no, it wasn't that you asked for time. You had every right to ask for that." Said kylo

"I did?" asked usagi

"Yes … I … I shouldn't have kept your things like that … the images. I know it was wrong of me and I understand now why you need time. I don't like it, but I dounderstand. And I will honor your wishes. I will try to alwayshonor your wishes from now on, usagi." Said kylo

"Then … then what was it?" asked usagi

"You aren't going to like this. I don't think clearly when it comes to you." Said kylo

"So it was my fault." Said usagi

"Not precisely."said kylo

Now that his temper has run its course he sees that she likely didn't mean anything by holding Wylan's hand. She was just being a kind soul that she was. And she does that well. But he hates that she'd done it, but there wasn't anything genuinely wrong with her conduct. It's just her doing something she thought was right. He knows her heart belongs to him, but that really pisses him off badly,

"I don't understand. If it wasn't that I sent you away, why did you get so terribly upset?" asked usagi

He looks away. He wishes he didn't have to tell her this. He wishes he'd never asked to know her movements. He should have simply ordered that she not be allowed to leave the ship. He remembers Vitok saying he'd violated usagi privacy and he doesn't like the tight feeling in his chest. Finally he admits.

"I was ... I was watching you. When you visited Wylan Ren." Said kylo

"What?" gasps usagi

"I know, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have done it. I just miss you so much I had to see you!" said kylo

"You were spyingon me?" hissed usagi

usagi pulls away, putting more space between them. Her anger of giving her sons a mega set back was bad enough, but he was spying on her as if he had no trust in her. This pissed her off deepky His hands lift involuntarily, wanting to bring her back, but he consciously puts them back in his lap. Knowing he fucked up, well fucked up big and will take whatever punishment she hands him. Most of all not what hux gets.

"I … yes. I was afraid. Afraid you would run from me. I know you could disappear with your powers," said kylo

" I toldyou I wouldn't leave!" hissed usagi

"I know, I know … I just … I'm so scared I'm going to lose you. don't you understand? I'm yours. I'm utterly yours, heart, body, mind, soul. Every bit of me is yours. From the moment I first saw you, I was yours. I didn't know what was happening to me. I was acting in ways I never would have. Honestly, usagi ... it's almost like madness, the need I feel for you. My reason left me on Takodana. Everything I've done since is because I love you beyond comprehension." Explained kylo

Her eyes have grown very wide and he silently pleads for her to see who she is to him, to understand his words. They're each other's. They have to be. She leans towards him slightly and he shifts. Now they're sitting close again. She's blinking slowly and her hand rises slowly. He thinks she's about to touch him, but then her expression grows hard. He clenches his eyes shut briefly. How can he make her understand that he's only done what he has because he cannot, willnot, live without her While he's been talking her expression has moved from anger to cold contemplation. It makes him very her face fills with sadness. She rises and comes to stand in front of him.

"I should be angrier than I am about the spying. And giving tamaki and draco a huge set back. But I'm honestly not surprised. I'd like you to stop, but I won't ask you to." Said usagi

"You were touchinghim! You wore that beautiful dress for him!" said kylo

"I'm wearing this dress because minakopicked it out for me. Plus its proper for a queen to dress nice seeing a patient" said usagi

"Oh. I thought …" said kylo

"You thought that after a brief conversation with a man I'd only met once, who I though had the worlds largest divk up his ass. and, got tarted up just in case the man with a crushed neck fancied a go?" snapped usagi

Her hands are on her hips and her lip is curled in contempt. Her eyes held much fury in them. Damn now he knows what hux feels like now when minako yelled at him. But he doesn't have the gay guy yet so that's a plus. Usagi pinched the bridge of her nose. This man is just to much sometimes. Plus zoycite is working her way to get her rank as a knight back for her mess up. She just hope she was not wrong in doing so.

"I didn't know what to think! I don't think when it concerns you. You're right. I'm sorry. I … I see that it was innocent, I just … I can't bear the thought of another man touching you. It took me a while to get used to your ex husbands" said kylo

He wants so badly to pull her to him, to wipe away all the hurt and confusion with the bliss of connection. He would prefer she never touch another man regardless of the circumstance, but he knows that's unreasonable. Usagi sighed cocks her head to the side. Looked into his eyes for a long time. He watches as her temper calms. Eventually her brow furrows in concern and she steps closer to him. He hangs his head. He hates how he loses his temper; he's never been able to handle strong feelings. And no one has ever made him feel things more intensely than usagi. He knows he has to find a way to keep his head, show Rey that he is capable of respecting her wishes. But he's terrified that maybe he isn't. That he truly isn't capable. Maybe he can't keep himself away from her.

Finally she takes pity on him and she reaches up to stroke his cheek. His eyes flutter shut and he presses his face against her hand. Oh how he needs this, He looks into her unfathomable eyes and she continues to trail her fingers along his face, now tracing his jaw.

"I want to give you space. I do. I just … you said it might be a year." Mumbled kylo

"No, it won't be a year. It's all just moved so fast. I need to figure out what I'm feeling and I can't do that when I'm with you. Even now, when I'm quite angry with you, I just want to kiss you. And rip your clothes off and have you pound me to next year. How am I supposed to untangle myself with you around?" asked usagi

"You could just spend all of your time with me and not worry about it?" asked kylo

"That is nota solution. I'm serious. I need this. But I need to know you're going to be alright." Said usagi

"I honestly don't know if I am … Having you near and not being able to see you, talk to you. I was sincere when I said I don't know how to do this." Said kylo

"I need you to find a way." Said usagi

"I know you do. And I will. I have always said I would do anything for you, and if it is my absence you require of me, then you shall have it." Said kylo

"You won't kill anyone or destroy the ship?" asked usagi

"No … I will control myself szayel a bit rough." Said kylo

He's not entirely certain as to how, but he will find a way to endure this time away from her. usagi gives him a genuine smile. He finds himself smiling back. She looks away, and then she's threading her arms around his waist. He's impossibly grateful that she's going to let him hold her. He returns her embrace and presses her close to him. He needs all that she will give him. She lays her head on his chest and he tries to store it all away.

"You promise it won't be a year?" whined kylo

"I promise. We'll see each other soon," mumbled usagi

They keep holding each other, and he wants for this moment to never end. It was a great feeling. Oh how he missed this. But then she's pulling back and the panic is starting again. She doesn't step away from him, though. Instead she looks up and holds his eyes. Oh those blue eyes that holds him in place.

"I don't really know what to think about how you say that you feel about me, but … I do care for you. Do you know that?" asked usagi

kylo shocked by how his throat grows tight at her admission. He knows she doesn't love him. There's a part of him that thinks she never could. He's not blind to who he has become. He was willing to simply spend his life making her as happy as he could. He can love enough for both of them. But hearing that she cares for him … it makes the coming days … or weeks, seem less bleak. he swallows past the lump in his throat.

"No … I didn't know that." Said kylo

"I have for a long time," said usagi

"And I have loved you my whole life, I simply didn't know it yet. I hope you will believe me soon," said kylo

kylo turns her face towards his. He holds her eyes then slowly lowers his lips to hers, so that she can stop him if she wishes. She doesn't, and soon he's kissing her. He feels as her arms tighten around him and he pulls her as close as he can. He draws his tongue along her lower lip and presses into her. She makes a little sound of contentment and he swirls his tongue against hers. He loves how hot her mouth is. Kissing her is infinitely more pleasurable than anything he's ever experienced.

Her hands knead into his back and now he's moaning into her mouth. He's grown quite hard and it's very difficult not to grind against her. He tears his lips from hers and kisses her neck, sucking at her delicious skin as she clings to him. Oh Maker, knowing this is what is waiting for him on the other side of this exile might just be enough to get him through. It's spiraling quickly now and he's walking them back to her sofa while he continues to feast on her mouth. She stops him, panting.

"No, we have to stop." Said usagi

"Why?" whined kylo

"I'm still mad at you. You need to apologize to tamaki and draco, plus its time for you to go." Said usagi

"Just a little longer, please? We don't have to … we can just sit and talk." Pleaded kylo

"No … it's time." Said usagi

He remembers that he promised he would leave when she said. He looks into her eyes and oh how he wants to kiss her again. But she takes him by the hand and pulls him to the door. He retrieves his gloves and tells himself that this is much better. She's said it won't be too long, she seems to understand a bit about why he'd kept her things. He's not leaving in the midst of a storm of confusion and pain. He can do this. He willdo this. For her. Kylo forces himself to walk through her door. He turns to look at her and he only just keeps from flinching from the memory of the door closing on her face. This time, though, instead of her eyes being full of anguish, she gives him a small smile.

"I'll see you soon," said usagi

"I … I will miss you very much." Said kylo

"I'll miss you, too," said usagi

she says as she closes the door. The last thing he sees are her eyes soft with affection. Yes, he can do this. She helped him understand. But damn he fucking hard. But he was going to be happy when his punishment was over with. Szayel shook his pink head. That was usagi she did what she had to do.. kylo huffed and nodded to szayel his thanks. As the pink haired man walked away with the girl who was his wife. She looked like usagi but with pink hair and red eyes. That was snoke grandchild well one of them. But he went to go and say his sorry to tamaki and draco.

To be continued