Chapter 19: Is There A Doctor in the House?
Rachel scowled as she shoved another spoonful of Cheerios into her mouth. She scooped another bunch on her spoon, trying her best to tune out the three other people at the table with her. Mama was talking on the phone to somebody who wanted private dance lessons even though the school was supposed to be closed until fall. Mommy was talking to her about how she and Cady were going to a stupid doctor's appointment today with a kid doctor. So what if it would be in a fancy office with a separate door for the kids and adults? So what if it had video games and cartoons playing in the waiting room? So what if the doctor had known her mothers for years, because she had a son who had gone to their school and was now in college?
The little girl had mastered the art of blocking out adults back at the Reverend's church, because all of the sermons and prayer meetings bored her to tears. She knew how to nod and make sure she was not exactly looking down or away from the person speaking to her, so that it looked like she was paying attention. So, that's what she was doing, while also pretending she really had to concentrate on putting as many Cheerios on her spoon as possible.
Mommy was only half paying attention to her anyway, because she was eating and feeding Cadence some of the stuff on her plate. Mommy had made fried eggs this morning though, and Rachel only liked scrambled ones. So, here she was eating Cheerios instead. At least Mama had cut her up some fresh peach slices while she talked to the person on the phone.
"Rachel, are you listening to me?" Shelby asked her daughter, who was acting more tween than kid today. Her daughter was staring intently at the floating breakfast cereal and mumbling to her under her breath. She couldn't exactly chastise her for misbehaving because she wasn't, but she was being difficult to say the least. "Honey, I know doctors offices are not your favorite place in the world, but you need to have a primary care doctor of your own to help you stay healthy."
Rachel lifted her chin up off of her neck and nodded slowly in half hearted agreement.
"I was telling you that you and Cadence both have an appointment with Dr. Sullivan today, and Mama and I are taking you both together, so you need to put on the clothes I set on your bed after you finish breakfast." Shelby continued, winking at a smiley Cadence and putting some dry Cheerios on the table on a small plate in front of her.
What's wrong with my Angelina Ballerina T shirt and pink shorts? Rachel thought to herself, not thrilled that she was going to have to change out of the clothes she had already picked out. Rachel wanted to ask that out loud, but instead she asked, "Do I have to go? Can't you and Mama just take Cadence? I can just go next door." Rachel's voice was so quiet that Shelby had to strain to hear it over Cassandra's telephone conversation and Cadence's toddler babblings.
"Yes, Rachel, you have to," Shelby spoke in a more firm voice, trying to maintain her patience while continuing to help her understand the importance of this appointment. Shelby knew that Rachel needed shots at the very least, because Lena had told her the Ohio school requirements and April had seen her nine year's medical file enough to know that Rachel's foster family had neglected to keep up her immunizations. Even if they chose to homeschool Rachel, she was going to need the shots for herself and to participate in the school of the arts classes. There had been some notes about not doing it for religious reasons before, which was a load of bull and Shelby knew it. Of course, she couldn't say all of this to her nine-year-old. She knew this day was going to be as thrilling for the family as a root canal, and she just wanted it all to be over with already. Thank god April was coming with them for moral support.
"Little Star," Cassandra finally piped up, unable to stand Rachel's pouty lips or her furrowed brow. "We get this over with, and then we go get frozen yogurt?"
The blonde ignored the drilling eyes she got from her wife. She knew Shelby absolutely hated when she bribed their daughter with treats after she did what she was told. But truth be told, Cassandra figured she was going to need an iced coffee after this anyways, so the least she could do was give her kid a sugar fix on a hot summer's day.
Rachel gave her Mama a half-hearted nod and stood from the table quietly, walking to the sink to put her dish and spoon in it. A pang shot through Rachel's stomach and Rachel rushed upstairs and raced into the bathroom.
Just great, the nine-year-old thought to herself. She had barely gotten her pants down and sat on the toilet seat in time. Rachel grimaced as her stomach churned a few minutes. She could hear her family now, upstairs moving around and supposedly getting ready. Maybe if I say I'm sick I can stay home? She thought to herself. Not likely, she answered. Mommy would probably say there is even more reason for me to go. Coaching herself to be brave and not be a baby like Cadence, Rachel was glad she was more or less left alone to get dressed and ready to go. She preferred to be left alone when she felt like this. The blue dress with the white polka dots was cute and all, but Rachel bit her lip, hating that she was not wearing anything to cover her panties.
She was not quite sure why she felt that way. Vague fuzzy memories of white coated doctors and how it hurt down there was enough for her to leave her shorts on and just slip the dress on top of it. Nobody would be the wiser. Rachel totally ignored the sandals set out for her, and reached out to put her newer white and violet slip on Sketchers. She felt she could get around better in her Sketchers if she needed to. Her feet slipped around too much in her sandals.
Running a brush through her hair, Rachel grabbed Elphie and silently crept down the stairs to sit on the porch and wait for the family. The young girl had a really bad feeling about this doctor situation, but really was not quite sure how to get out of this without being a "naughty little girl". She wrapped her arms around her stomach, trying to settle it. Truth be told, Rachel doubted she was going to want anything after they left the doctor's office except to go home.
If Shelby was not the one driving, she would have liked nothing better than to be riding in the backseat with her daughter tucked up beside her. It was not like she could fit back there easily now, though. The brand new baby car seat took a lot of the room in the back seat. Watching from the rear view mirror, Shelby was struck at how pale Rachel's face looked. The singer had the urge to just take Rachel back home, but this was one of those things a mother had to do for her child's wellbeing. It seemed that Cassandra had noticed too, because Rachel's favorite CD of Elton John's Greatest Hits was popped into the CD player. Crocodile Rock blasted through the speaker and Cassandra sang along with it. Shelby knew Cassandra hated that song, but was doing it to please Rachel.
Rachel wished her moms could just drive around the block a few more times. Sometimes it sucked to live in such a small town. All around her, doors opened and closed. Still, she sat and waited to be forced to move.
April Rhodes walked with purpose down the hall of Lima's only medical office building, which held everything from the town's orthodontist to the only OBGYN. She didn't have an office here. She operated out of the public town clinic where she did a little of everything: seeing all ages, and helping with anything needed from pregnancy tests to splinting a broken toe. She had been asked to consult from time to time in a few of these offices, however, so she knew her way around pretty well. She had spoken to Nicole Sullivan about taking the two girls on as patients in her pediatric practice a week previous. The only other family practice doctor was male, and April and Nicole both agreed that due to Rachel's history that would be a poor choice for the nine-year-old.
Nicole Sullivan's pediatric office had, just as Rachel had been told, both a child door and an adult door side by side. The waiting room was bright, with big windows, upbeat music, and a wide assortment of books for various ages of development. The rug was a rainbow, and there was a relaxation station in the corner filled with fidget and sensory toys. The general vibe of the room seemed to be fairly uplifting, and it heavily contrasted Rachel's feeling of foreboding as she pulled away from the door and ran to the bathroom, refusing to let the room sway her.
"Morning lovelies," April greeted Cassandra, who carried her sister on her hip. The blonde doctor had left her white lab coat at the clinic, choosing to adorn it after the girl's appointment so she wouldn't freak her out more than she already was. Instead, April was dressed professionally, wearing a sleeveless black dress and heels. "Hi sweet girl," April greeted Cadence, tickling her tummy and making the toddler giggle and hide her face in Cassandra's neck.
"Where's Shelby?" April asked, suspecting she already knew the answer. It was clear that both Corcorans would have a tough time with this. April would surmise that Shelby was trying to coax Rachel out of the car.
"Rachel went sprinting for the bathroom as soon as we came up on the elevator," Cassandra explained, her voice lacking the usual spark and wit. "She has been complaining that her stomach hurts all morning."
"Well, let's go ahead and go in," April suggested, sensing the stress in her friend's voice. "Shelby can catch up. I can watch this cutie while you fill out all that god forsaken paperwork. By the time you're through you'll have a hand cramp from holding that stick pen."
Once Cassandra had the forms in her hands, her headache grew stronger. "I don't know the answers to any of these questions, April," Cassandra said, her voice tight. "I didn't even know I had a sister until a few weeks ago, how am I supposed to know if she cries more than a normal baby should or if she has a history of intestinal issues? I don't know anything about my parent's medical history, either…"
"Just fill out what you can," April assured. "Holly had Cady's records faxed up here anyways, along with the guardianship papers, so this is mostly just customary to get Cadence established as a patient." April moved to a seat by the window, facing outside towards the park.
Her eyes narrowed, and then she blinked to clear her vision. Sure enough, Shelby Corcoran-July was down by the fountain, sitting on a bench with Rachel in her lap. She had suspected that Rachel would have issues today, but thought Rachel would at least get through the office door.
"Shelby is better at filling this stuff out," Cassandra grumbled, sighing in relief when April took the clipboard from her and started filling it out herself. "My hero," the dancer quipped, taking her sister back up on her lap and grabbing a book to entertain the toddler. "Not that I don't appreciate you doing this, but is the nurse going to be able to read it? I mean, I know for a fact that Holly can't even read your grocery list sometimes."
"Shut it now, blondie, or I hand you this pen back and Cadence and I will go to the rocking chair to read Dr Seuss and leave you to flounder all by your lonesome." April pointed the pen at the dancer threateningly. Her voice was light, but Cassandra knew for a fact that April was dead serious.
"Right, thank you April. I appreciate you doing this, April." Cassandra spoke quickly, deciding it would be best to just change the subject. "Wonder where Shelby is? I thought she and Rachel would be back here by now..." she checked her phone to make sure she hadn't missed any notifications. She hadn't.
"They are in the park," April answered simply, not looking up from the clipboard. She spoke calmly, without any hint of concern so as not to alarm her friend. "I'll go out there when they call you back. Cady should not need any shots today, it's basically a "meet the doctor" kind of visit."
"I figured Shelby would want to be here for it with me..." Cassandra mumbled softly but it warranted no response.
The conversation faded into silence except for the scratching of the pen on paper. April noticed a chime on Cassandra's phone and assumed it was finally from Shelby, though Cassandra said nothing. Instead, she cleared her throat and paused, before tapping on her phone screen and locking it, setting it down harshly on the empty seat next to her. April completed another sheet of paper and watched her friend out of the corner of her eye. Shelby and Rachel had still not come upstairs. April kept silent and waited for Cassandra to speak.
"Shelby wants me to cancel Rachel's appointment," Cassandra finally spoke up, her voice crisp and low so nobody around could hear her. "Rachel is having a hard time, and is so worked up that she got sick and had a panic attack in the bathroom. Shelby doesn't want to force this and scare Rachel more."
"I'm done with these, why don't you turn them into the receptionist and tell them," April agreed, taking Cadence back into her lap. "We will figure something else out on another day," she assured the dancer. "We have time."
Cassandra felt numb.
"Cadence July?" an inquisitive voice rang throughout the room.
"That's your cue," April quipped, handing Cadence back to Cassandra and winking at her. Poor Cadence was like a hot potato being handed back and forth but she gripped her older sister tightly and refused to let go again. April nodded at Cassandra, as if to assure her that she was doing great and things would be fine. "I'm going to catch some sun on these pale arms, down in the park with your wife and daughter."
"You'd better not get anything from the ice cream truck without Cady and me doc," Cassandra warned jokingly, mouthing a silent thank-you before turning and making her way up the hall. She couldn't help but feel alone as she followed the receptionist back to the pediatric exam room. She held her sister a little closer and took a deep breath. It had been a bad idea, she decided, to do both exams on the same day. She hadn't realized that Rachel wouldn't even be okay to come into the room when Cady was being looked at. She didn't think that Shelby was going to leave her and Cady to figure this first doctor's visit out on their own. She felt selfish in thinking these thoughts, but she suddenly missed her support system a lot.
April shook her head and left the office, walking back down the hall and towards the elevator. She moved to press the button and then stopped, turning instead to go down the stairwell. Down at the bottom was a vending machine. She fished for change and got a couple of bottles of water, then exited out the side of the building. Walking through the grass and then the street, April made her way to her best friend and her sweet, troubled niece.
Things would be okay on all fronts. She would make sure of it.
Shelby played with her daughter's soft brown hair as the pair sat on the park bench. After Rachel's incident in the bathroom, Shelby had felt it best to get Rachel some fresh air so she could calm down. This appointment had been important, and yes, now she would probably have to fork out a no-show fee, but her mother's instinct told her that forcing this on Rachel would have been a bad idea with a lot of repercussions.
"I am sorry mommy," Rachel mumbled, leaning so she could rest the side of her face on her mother's shoulder. "I didn't mean to be bad and run away from you and Mama. But I really had to go so I wouldn't have an accident. Then I couldn't catch my breath after I washed my hands, and it was gross. I'm sorry I threw up my Cheerios in the sink. It was yucky and I smelled up the bathroom bad..."
"It's okay, sweetheart. You were not feeling well, and I would have made a dash for the ladies room if it had been me too." Shelby assured her. "I told that nice lady in the hall that the bathroom needed cleaning. Remember, she said she would take care of it and told us to have a nice day?" Shelby shifted Rachel in her lap so she could kiss the top of her head. "So. You ready to tell me what's up?" Rachel's skin was cool to the touch- maybe cooler than normal, in her opinion. It was obvious to her that her kid did not have a fever. She suspected this was all a response to her extreme fear of doctors. Memories of that night in the clinic when she and Rachel had done the D.N.A. tests flooded through her mind. Rachel was so panicked that night. It had scared Shelby like nothing else ever had.
Rachel sighed before opening her mouth to speak. She really didn't want to talk about this. It made her shiver just thinking about it, but she decided that she owed her mother some type of answer. She would keep it short and sweet. Maybe if she did that, her stomach would not do as many flips. Maybe, just maybe, she would not have to go running back to the bathroom.
"Doctors are scary," Rachel mumbled simply. "It hurts when they touch you." The nine year old really hoped her mommy would drop it after hearing that, because she didn't feel like she had the courage to explain any further why she didn't want to go in. Especially since this doctor was a stranger.
Shelby cursed the Reverend and Rachel's fathers for the millionth time. There was no doubt in her mind that the trauma from the time Rachel was Cadence's age had led to her child's emotional state. She wanted to ask more. She wanted to ask what had happened at the doctor's office that scared her now, but instinct told her to let this go until they were some place Rachel felt safer, like their home. Instead of forcing a story, she rubbed Rachel's back soothingly, and the two sat in silence for a few minutes. They listened to the birds sing and the gurgle of the water in the fountain.
Rachel stared into the fountain, thinking of the time that her Mama showed her to throw coins in and make wishes. She wondered how many people made wishes in this fountain. She wondered if any of them had come true.
"Are you scared of Auntie April? She is a doctor." Shelby finally asked, breaking the silence. Shelby didn't think that Rachel was afraid of any of their friends, at least she'd never shown it besides some hesitation around Stef when she'd first met her. Was there a small part of her child that feared her best friend? One that Rachel maybe hadn't even thought about before?
Rachel leaned out of her mother's embrace so she could look her in the eyes. Such a question deserved eye to eye contact."No, I love Auntie April, I'm not afraid of her. Even if she is a doctor and has to wear a white coat."
"I love you too, darling," April cooed, suddenly appearing in front of the mother and daughter. "And I am glad you don't hold the fact I like to help sick and hurt people against me. And I love you too, doll face," April added, plopping down on the bench beside Shelby and leaning over to kiss her best friend's cheek. "I'll have you know, your wife owes me a pole dancing lesson. I just filled out all of Cady's medical forms to become a new patient of Doctor Sullivan." April reached into her oversized handbag and pulled out a cold bottle of water for Shelby and Rachel. "Drink up, dolls. Can't keep hydrated enough, sitting out here in the sun."
"Thank you Auntie April," Rachel said softly, unscrewing the lid and taking a long, deep gulp of the cool water. It felt so good on her throat.
April and Shelby were talking quietly amongst themselves. Rachel blocked them out, lost in her own thoughts. She wondered if her Mommy was going to make her go up there and see that doctor. Yes, her Mommy had gone back down the elevator with her and they had come outside, but that didn't mean that she wouldn't make her go back in now that she had calmed down considerably. There had to be another way out of this. If she could just figure it out…
Rachel then had an epiphany.
"Auntie April, could you be my doctor please?" Rachel asked politely, extending her hand as if to shake out an agreement. "You're the bestest doctor in the world, and you smell nice and not like the stinky cleaners they use to clean the floors in the hospital in Cincinnati. And I don't think you'll hurt me."
Both women raised their eyebrows upon hearing the name of the city in Ohio for the first time. Rachel had never mentioned another town besides Lima. Neither had known Rachel had ever been out of Lima besides where they'd taken her, much less had she been to a large town clear across the state. Filing the information away for another time, April gave a quick cock of her head towards Shelby, waiting for her to agree with the idea before she accepted. Shelby was Rachel's guardian after all, and April as a habit did not work in a family doctor role. She specialized in urgent care patients, and referred them to other professionals in Lima for follow up care. She could do this, though. She had done two rotations of pediatric medicine in med school, and had actually considered going into pediatrics, but had decided against it to practice in the capacity she did now in the clinic and the ER.
"Yes, Doctor April," Shelby said, a weight lifting off of her as she was starting to feel a solution to this problem if her best friend said yes. Shelby trusted April with her life, so of course she trusted April as her daughter's primary care doctor.
"Yes," April said, flashing a bright April Rhodes smile and extending her arm to Rachel, solidifying the agreement with a handshake. She added a wink for Rachel that made the little girl smile. "I have doctor's coats that are not white. Would those be okay?"
Rachel nodded gratefully, letting herself be gathered back into a hug from the petite doctor and then from her mother. She could do this now, right? She and Auntie April sat on the bench feeding the pigeons together while Mommy went back upstairs to be with Mama to finish Cadence's appointment. Auntie April said she could go to her clinic after that, but they would stop for lunch first.
That was more than okay with Rachel. The food part, anyway. She was hungry after throwing her cheerios up. Maybe she really could get through this, being comfortable with April. She was most certainly going to try.
It wasn't long before Cassandra and Shelby re-joined the girls, Cadence clinging tightly to Cassandra's hip. Cadence's lower lip was quivering, but she seemed to otherwise be doing alright. Rachel took in the scene and fidgeted uncomfortably. She knew Cadence was just little, but seeing her upset was not doing great things for her nerves, even if she did have Auntie April as her new doctor. She bit at her lip anxiously but said nothing, not wanting to upset her parents further or make another big deal. She wanted to be brave for her mommies and for her Auntie April.
Cassandra silently cooed at Cadence, willing her to keep her tears at bay. She hadn't gotten any shots or anything that would have hurt her, but she had been frightened by the new people checking her vitals and moving her arms and legs around. It had been hard for Cassandra to relinquish her hold on her sister, even if it was only for a few minutes, and even though she'd still been in the room. She hadn't realized how possessive and protective she often was over Cadence until the little girl was in someone else's arms, under someone else's care. The woman took a cleansing breath. It was over now, at least for a little while. Now she had to worry about how they were going to get Rachel to settle down long enough to be looked at. She had to get shots for school, and that was going to be a fight, Cassandra knew. It already was.
She was also beating herself up for not knowing her sister's medical history, as if that could have been helped. It occurred to her that she and Shelby wouldn't know anything about Rachel's, either, and there really wasn't a good way to retrieve hers. They could ask her, of course, but that was clearly a very triggering thing for the poor girl and she was already going through enough just having to be in the doctor's office without them prodding her for information too. Cassandra sighed. One thing at a time.
"Mama, Auntie April is gonna be my new doctor because my tummy got nervous and I got sick in the bathroom," Rachel simplified an entire hours' worth of conversation into one sentence that was only slightly confusing, but Cassandra managed to keep up.
"That's great, little star...When is your appointment with Auntie April?" She locked eyes with her friend, asking April more than she was asking Rachel.
"Today," April decided. "The clinic isn't busy today and my office is open. That way we still get everything out of the way now, and we don't have to worry about it again for a while."
Shelby and Cassandra nodded, grateful and lucky to have a friend in the business for a situation like this one. It was a rare circumstance they never thought they'd be in, but having a best friend that was a doctor really did have its perks sometimes.
Rachel's stomach did a flip. "Today?" she asked timidly. Shelby pulled her daughter close.
"We can go get lunch first, like Auntie April said. Give us all some time to relax beforehand, okay? Do you want McDonalds?" Shelby offered, knowing it was Rachel's favorite, and the girl didn't get it often. She decided she could take her to the one with the playscape and get her mind off things for a few minutes. Mix the fun with the stress of the day to maybe tone down the nerves.
Cassandra smirked. So I can't bribe her with frozen yogurt, but Shelby can bribe her with McDonalds, she thought smugly. Whatever works, I guess. I'll make the kid her own batch of chocolate chip cookies and a big banana split if she really goes through with this appointment today.
Rachel's eyes lit up at the idea of going to McDonalds, even though she knew Shelby was trying to buy her way through the day. She was okay with it. She wanted chicken nuggets and french fries, and was hoping she could calm her tummy enough to where she would be able to keep them down. "Yeah, I like McDonalds," she said. Her response wasn't entirely as enthusiastic as Shelby had hoped it would be, but she knew the girl was trying her best.
"Okay then kiddo, let's get a move on, yeah?" Cassandra hated sitting around, lollygagging. She felt a strong urge to be productive. She wanted to get home so she could start working on her class syllabus for the fast approaching year, and she didn't want to keep putting appointments off and stalling over things that needed to be done. She understood that Rachel was nervous and she wasn't unsympathetic to that, but she was also tired and felt very behind in every aspect of her life.
By the time they were sitting down and eating lunch, Cassandra was very on edge. Cadence wouldn't sit still in the high chair and kept throwing her apples. Rachel was just picking at her food, regardless of the fact she had been excited for it on the car ride to the restaurant. Shelby had let her run to play before eating anything, even though they normally had a rule to eat before she could go have fun. April and Cassandra and Shelby sat at the table, watching Rachel climb to the very top of the playscape and curl into the corner.
April is going to have to go up and get her, she's never going to come down, Cassandra realized. She put her head into her hands and spoke without looking up. "Shelby you have to stop babying her or she's never going to do anything she needs to do. You can't teach her it's okay to procrastinate the inevitable."
Shelby blinked, shocked at the annoyance in Cassandra's tone. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"I get it, she's nervous. I would be too, if I was in her position, but Shelby we've had her half a year and she's never been to the doctor. And when we got her she was malnourished. I know April's been keeping an eye on her, but god only knows how long it had been since Andrews took her with him not wanting to get caught. She is seriously behind in her healthcare, and it could really be hurting her."
"Will you relax?" Shelby shot back defensively. "She's getting in today, it's not a big deal."
"It is a big deal, because you're teaching her that the rules in life don't apply to her just because she has childhood trauma," Cassandra snapped back. "That's not the way it works, life doesn't pass out "get out of jail free" cards because of stuff like that. It sucks, but it's life."
"She's a child," Shelby rolled her eyes. "Stop invalidating her feelings. How would you feel if people forced you to do this when you were her age?"
"They did," Cassandra said curtly. "And I lived to tell about it." She leaned over and threw her salad in the trash, her appetite gone.
"Why are you being such a bitch?" Shelby asked, incredulously. She pressed her lips together tightly and sucked in a breath, realizing what she had said as soon as it came out of her mouth. She knew she had messed up, and immediately felt awful. "Cassie, I-"
"Save it," Cassandra rolled her eyes. "Coddle her. Let her throw a fit when she has to do what she doesn't want to do. See how that works out for her as she gets older. Shelby, you'd never let your students get away with that kind of shit."
"She's my daughter, not my student," Shelby argued.
"She's both," Cassandra said. "And honestly? I know that a lot of it is guilt, because she was away from you for so long, and I get that. I really truly understand, honey, but you're not doing her any favors by telling her she can act however she wants with no repercussions."
"She isn't throwing a fit, she's nervous, Cassandra, she had a fucking panic attack, its not something she can control-"
"I know what a panic attack is, Shelby, I'm not a fucking idiot, but there has to be a balance. You give her a treat after she does what she needs to do, if you give it to her before, she's going to get spoiled and has no reason to do what she doesn't want to do." Cassandra snapped. She looked over at April who was looking down at her phone awkwardly, not daring to get in the middle of a fight between wives at a fast food restaurant. "But what the hell do I know? I'm just the bitchy adoptive mother." she crossed her arms and fell back against the seat.
"Cass…" Shelby sighed. She didn't have the energy for this today. "I'm sorry I called you a bitch, okay? I know what you're saying has value, but today we just need to get her to the doctor whatever that looks like. I know I let her get away with acting out a lot, and I will work on that. But today I'll take what I can get, alright?"
Cassandra nodded. "Whatever," she agreed. "It's fine, let's just get it over with then." She nodded towards Rachel at the top of the playscape. "Go ahead and get her down, fun mom."
It was clear she was still upset, but Shelby knew she'd get over it by the time they left the restaurant and headed to the clinic. She just needed a minute to cool down.
"Rachel, honey, it's time to get going, okay? You can finish your chicken nuggets in the car on the way, but Auntie April has other things to do today as well." Shelby called up to her daughter. They were the only ones in the back room, the lunch rush long over.
There was a moments' pause. "Mommy? Can I stay up here for 10 more minutes?" Rachel asked, knowing she was probably pushing her luck.
Cassandra threw her hands into the air, radiating frustration. Shelby rolled her eyes at her wife and turned back to her daughter. "No honey, we really need to finish our day now, okay? Please come down so we can get you washed up and head out."
"Please, Mommy?" Rachel begged. "It's fun up here. I can see the whole restaurant from up here!" her heart was racing at the idea of having to get down. She knew that even if her doctor was Auntie April, she was going to have to do things that made her uncomfortable for the check up. Maybe even shots.
"Rachel," Cassandra intruded. "Right now, please." her voice was a little more stern than Shelby's, and Rachel gulped. She didn't want to upset Mama. She started to climb down, albeit slowly. "Rachel please don't make me count to three." Cassandra continued after a few long seconds with little movement. Shelby shot her wife a glare. Cassandra ignored her.
"I'm coming, Mama," Rachel huffed, not very happy that she was not getting her extra ten minutes. She didn't want to get in trouble, though. Especially not with Mama.
Cassandra checked her phone, looking out the window for Dee's car. Dee had texted earlier saying she would meet them there to pick up Cadence and take her home for a nap, and she was meant to pull in any minute now. Cadence decided, while everyone was looking away, that finger painting with ketchup might be a fun idea. She smacked the ketchup that was sitting in front of her, and in that moment, when Cassandra felt the cold condiment hit the back of her hand, the woman almost didn't dare turn around to look at the mess. She counted to ten in her head and slowly spun on her heel.
"Cadence," she groaned. "What the hell, kid?"
Cadence giggled loudly in response. Cassandra's children were testing her patience today. She started to clean up the mess, and Rachel figured while Mama was distracted with the baby she had time to climb back up and take the slide down instead of climbing all the way down. She started going back up the playscape to do so and Shelby, understanding the girl's plan, let her. When Cassandra turned back around and saw Rachel climbing back up she closed her eyes and fought the urge to throw something.
"Rachel." She said, no room for playfulness in her tone.
"I'm just going down the slide, Mama," Rachel insisted, getting to the top and sliding down quickly. "See? It got me down faster than if I had climbed down."
"Okay, great. Please get your shoes on so you can go wash your hands and we can go." Cassandra knew she was being the mean mom again, but she couldn't bring herself to care anymore. The day was almost over and she knew she wouldn't be sleeping that night with the amount of work she had to do. She felt so exhausted already.
April put a hand on Cassandra's shoulder, but Cassandra shrugged it off. She knew April was going to tell her to chill, and felt outnumbered without Holly there. April backed off and let Cassandra parent the way she felt she needed to, knowing she had no right to step in the way of that.
"I'm sorry Mama, but I don't know what the big deal is," Rachel grumbled. "Aunt Dee Dee isn't even here yet to pick up Cady anyways."
"The big deal is I said so, Rachel," Cassandra said. "Please just do what you're asked. I can't do this with you today, okay? I'm sorry. I know you don't want to go to the doctor, but Auntie April isn't going to let anything bad happen to you, and you know that."
Rachel nodded, deciding no response was the best one. She finished putting her shoes back on and practically ran to the bathroom to wash her hands. Shelby followed behind her, shooting a look at her wife on the way. Cassandra mouthed an annoyed, "I'm sorry," but her eyes were wide with clear irritation. Shelby accepted that at face value. There was no reason to continue to push her.
Dee pulled in just as Rachel and Shelby were exiting the bathroom. Cassandra had finally cleaned the ketchup off of Cadence and had Rachel's food packed up in the happy meal box for her to take for later. April had refilled her iced tea and they met Dee in the parking lot, passing a fussy Cadence off to her aunt.
"Sorry she is in a mood today," Cassandra said. "She's being finicky, but I think she's just tired."
"Runs in the family," Shelby said underhandedly. Cassandra didn't argue, knowing she deserved that comment at least. She knew she wasn't really mad at Shelby, so there was no point continuing to fight with her.
"Mommy," Rachel spoke up as they were walking to the car., "If you are nice to Mama, I will try to eat that yucky tuna fish on lettuce for dinner tonight. And Mama, if you are nice to Mommy, I will brush Barbra and do the dishes so you don't have to, so you can get your school stuff done sooner." Rachel proposed. "I know I take up alot of time, and I am not always a good kid. I'm sorry."
"Rachel, I'm not upset with you," Cassandra said softly. "I'm sorry. Mama and Mommy are just a little stressed today. We have a lot to do before school starts and that includes making sure you are healthy, right?"
Rachel nodded in agreement. Auntie April would take good care of her. That's what she kept telling herself.
. . .
Rachel held both her mothers' hands as she entered the clinic that April called her workspace. A sharp memory of a small, cold office with off-white walls and maroon flooring flashed through her mind and her body tensed. She figured that must be April's room. The memory was blurry, but the overly sanitized smell of the clinic and sting of the cold A/C was bringing it back to her. Her heart rate starting to climb, she squeezed Cassandra's hand tightly, grateful that her Mama was able to come with them. The nine-year-old had worried that since they had Cadence now, Mama would have had to take her home for a nap, but since Aunt Dee Dee had done it for her, Rachel had both parents to herself.
There weren't as many people in the waiting room as Rachel thought there would be, considering how good of a doctor she knew her aunt was, but she also realized it was pretty late in the day and most people probably wanted to get appointments over with early. That would have been ideal, Rachel thought to herself, if they'd made April her doctor in the first place.
She looked around. The room wasn't as bright and colorful as the other office had been, and the children's corner just had a few coloring books in it, here. There wasn't a second children's door, nor were there any kids in the room at all, but Rachel figured that was to be expected. This office's intention wasn't to treat only kids, but adults as well.
There was an older couple sitting across the room that Rachel thought she recognized from the Reverend's church. They smiled at her kindly, but seeing them made her stomach feel funny, so she tucked her face into her mama's stomach.
"Let's go sit, Little Star," Cassandra whispered in Rachel's ear, politely nodding at the elderly couple before moving to a row of blue upholstered chairs. She purposely chose to sit close to the door, that way if Rachel had another episode like earlier they could quickly slip outside and calm her down. Rachel didn't climb into Cassandra's lap, but she was so tiny that the two of them could nearly share the same seat.
If this appointment didn't work out, Cassandra wondered if April would make house calls. It was the last thing she wanted to have to do, knowing they were already going to likely be homeschooling Rachel. The blonde grimaced at the thought. This was hopefully a baby step in the right direction, of exposing Rachel to real world situations. They wouldn't be able to protect her from everything forever, and that's all Cassandra wanted to do was give her a fighting chance. She gave Shelby a supportive smile when she sat down on the other side of Rachel.
"Peanut Butter Sandwich, remember?" Cassandra spoke, noticing that Rachel was pale again. "Mama and I are sticking at your side the whole time, okay?"
Rachel said nothing, solemnly watching her mommy scribble stuff on the new patient papers. There seemed to be a lot of them, so Rachel thought maybe she could put off having her name called for at least a little bit longer. Her brown eyes trailed across the waiting room again. How many people would they maybe call before they got to her? The old couple from church still hadn't moved, and there was also a pregnant lady who looked like she would pop at any moment. Besides that, it was just Rachel and her mothers. The little girl shifted in her chair uncomfortably.
"Do you need to go use the restroom, Rachel?" Shelby asked, concern written all over her face. The singer had finally finished what she hoped was all of the paperwork. The receptionist had asked her to hold onto it and hand it to the nurse when Rachel was called back. Now it was just a waiting game. Shelby just wasn't sure how long Rachel would last in here without trying to bolt or getting sick. Hell, Shelby was not sure how long she could last watching Rachel suffer like this.
By the time they were in the exam room Rachel was a nervous wreck. She was nearly trembling and had small sweat stains under her arms on her dress. She was imagining the worst possible situations-big whirring machines and table straps and cold instruments poking and prodding at her. She knew deep down that her Auntie April wasn't going to let those kinds of bad things happen to her, but he was also smart enough to know that sometimes doctors visits did hurt and there was nothing her aunt would be able to do to stop that.
April sucked in a slow, thoughtful, deep breath. She planned to do her best to be as patient as possible, but still hadn't figured out a plan for the blood work or shots that would have to be done. She couldn't distract Rachel like she could distract babies, and she also wasn't usually the one to administer such things, but Rachel refused to let anyone else near her.
One step at a time, Rhodes, you have to get through the vital check first. She decided it would be best if she talked Rachel through each step. She pulled out her stethoscope.
"How're you doing, Rach?" She asked kindly.
Rachel looked up at her aunt, but didn't answer.
"It's just me here, yeah? Just Auntie April. No mean doctors here. I'm going to use this to listen to your heart beat and your breathing, okay? It might be a little cold, but it won't hurt you. It just sits on your chest and back, like a speaker for your heart and lungs. Isn't that kind of cool?"
Rachel's lower lip quivered and broke April's heart, but she nodded and allowed her aunt to listen.
"Sweetheart," April broke protocol and stepped out of her role as doctor to speak to her niece. "Your heart is beating as fast as hummingbird wings. You need to take a deep breath with me now..."
April bent down so she and Rachel were eye to eye.
"Inhale love and comfort...exhale the anxiety. Inhale bravery….exhale the fear."
Rachel followed April's lead and felt a little better, visualizing the words that April's soft voice practically sang. April pulled out a cuff next as Rachel thought about how she was being brave, just like Cassie the Brave, and that had to count for something, right?
"This cuff is going to give your arm a big hug. It's going to get really tight for a minute because it wants to show you some extra love, but you can squeeze Mommy's hand if the tightness bothers you too much, okay? It's just checking what's called your blood pressure." Rachel let April wrap it around her arm and place her stethoscope under it. As she pumped it, it did get tighter. Rachel grabbed Shelby's hand so tightly she nearly bruised it as the cuff got tighter around her arm.
"Mommy," her voice was a high pitched warning, fear seeping back into her tone.
"You're okay, Rachel. I promise, you're okay. Just a big arm hug, right?" Shelby attempted to reassure her. Shelby held back tears, feeling like she was traumatizing her daughter, even though she knew this was necessary. Every kid had to go through this at some point, and Rachel was way overdue. Shelby tried not to think about whatever must have happened in a doctor's office to Rachel in the past to make her so nervous around April, a woman she trusted with her whole heart.
"Why is it so tight?" Rachel complained. "It feels like big hands wrapped around my arms...Is it going to give me bruises?" Rachel looked down at the strange thing her Aunt was pressing. Why did everything always have to hurt?
April was taken aback by the question. She hadn't even considered the fact that because Rachel was malnourished for so long, even though she had been cared for the past six months, she still bruised very easily.
"That part is over now, love," April assured as the pressure of the cup released. "A little high," she spoke to Shelby and Cass "but that was to be expected." April took out her otoscope. "This won't even touch you, okay? It's just a light so I can see in your ears and nose and make sure everything looks normal. Is that okay?"
Rachel nodded begrudgingly as her aunt shone the light in her ears and then in her nose.
"All good," April said so that Cassandra and Shelby could keep up. "Now, Rachel, I'm going to tap your knees and test your reflexes, okay? Your leg might jolt because of it, but it won't hurt. Just a little tap. Like a boop," she tapped Rachel's nose to demonstrate and Rachel smiled a little bit, nodding softly. Rachel tapped both of her knees and Rachel actually giggled when her leg kicked out against her will. Shocked, she smiled.
"I didn't mean to kick!" she said.
"I know, it's magic, huh?" April smirked, her stomach churning knowing there wasn't much left before she would have to do a blood panel and shots. Rachel's going to hate me. "Can you stand up and go stand against the wall so I can see how tall you are?"
Rachel nodded. This didn't seem so bad. She stood against the wall as her aunt checked her height and then stepped onto the scale when she was asked to check her weight. She already knew how to do that, because they had a scale at home. Afterwards, she touched her toes so April could check her spine. This was easy too, she did toe touches with Mama during dance. When she got back on the table, her aunt took her temperature by holding a device in front of her forehead. It beeped a loud beep.
"99.4," April said. The numbers meant nothing to Rachel, but Shelby and Cassandra nodded in acknowledgement. "Rachel," April crouched back down. "I know you have Elphie with you, would you like to hold Elphie? Would that make you feel better?"
Rachel nodded and Shelby handed her the stuffed bear. She gripped it tightly, unsure what was happening. April turned to Cassandra.
"Cassie, can I start a central line on you, to show Rachel what a blood panel might look like? I won't actually take anything from you, I just want to show her the process." April asked. "It's okay for you to say no, since you're not legally my patient…"
"Yeah, you can show her," Cassandra agreed, holding her arm out for April to start. Rachel dry swallowed, confused, staring at her mother across the room. "Rach, Auntie April has to send some of your blood out to be tested to make sure you are healthy and strong, okay? So she is going to show you how she has to do that by doing it to me first. Watch what she does, okay?"
Rachel nodded, curious and comforted to see that Mama wasn't nervous at all to demonstrate.
April took a wipe and cleaned Cassandra's arm where it bent. She then took what looked to Rachel like a ribbon of sorts and tied it around her Mama's upper arm, looking at her arm closely. Cassandra smiled softly at Rachel to show her she was okay before April took what was very clearly a needle and held it to Cassandra's arm.
"Tight pinch in one, two, three…" April warned, more for Rachel's benefit than for Cassandra's. Cassandra didn't flinch, but watched Rachel's reaction carefully as April hooked her up and then turned to look at Rachel. "That's all it is, okay?"
"What...what does tight pinch mean?" Rachel asked nervously. She held her bear a little tighter.
"Exactly what it sounds like, honey," Cassandra said patiently. "The needle is going to pinch your arm for a second, and then you won't feel it anymore while the blood goes into a couple of tubes. Does that make sense?"
Rachel shook her head. "I don't want to feel a pinch, Mama." She said. "I would like to be done now."
"I understand, Rachel. I promise you it isn't as bad as it sounds, it's over very quickly. But we need to know that you're healthy." Cassandra maintained her patience.
"I'm fine," Rachel started to raise her voice. "You said you wouldn't hurt me," Rachel shot a glare at April. Shelby put a hand on Rachel's knee. "You promised."
"Rachel, it is illegal if we don't finish this doctor's appointment," Shelby tried to express to her daughter that the blood work and soon the shots were required for her. "If you don't do this doctor's appointment you can't go to classes with us anymore and you won't be able to do school."
"Then I won't!" Rachel said. "I don't need it anyways."
"Rachel. I was fine, you see?" Cassandra gestured to her arm. April moved to take the needle out of her friend's arm, putting a cotton ball and tape over it to stop any light bleeding.
"A gentle breeze, on hushabye mountain," Shelby sang softly to keep Rachel calm. It was a recall in Rachel's mind to the first time she heard her Mommy sing, and the first time they sang together. Rachel's comfort song. "Softly blows o'er lullaby bay… It fills the sails of boats that are waiting….waiting to sail your worries away."
Rachel relaxed a little bit, but knew what her mom was doing. She was irritated that her mother was using this trick on her, but even more irritated that it was working. Shelby moved Rachel to her lap and Rachel continued to hold her bear. April gently nudged Rachel to hold Elphie with only one arm, and took her other arm carefully, waiting for permission. Rachel tensed her arm and made a fist, wanting to pull away but not wanting to upset her Auntie April.
"It isn't far to hushabye mountain," Cassandra took the next verse, sitting carefully next to her daughter on her other side. She smiled softly at her. "And your boat waits down by the quay. The winds of night so softly are sighing…soon they will fly your troubles to sea."
A tear slid down Rachel's cheek, her lips quivering. She couldn't believe her mommies and aunt were doing this to her. She didn't care if it was illegal not to or that she couldn't go to school, and didn't understand. That had never stopped her before. She thought about it for a minute, knowing the Reverend was a bad man, and probably hadn't followed the rules before. Her mommies and aunt would not hurt her if they didn't have to. Right?
April cleaned Rachel's arm and Rachel tried to pull away at the cold. April placed a kiss to Rachel's forehead slipping out of doctor mode for a moment to comfort her niece. "I'm gonna count to three, Rachel, squeeze your Mama's hand as tight as you can, okay? One…"
"So close your eyes on hushabye mountain," Shelby and Cassandra sang together. "Wave goodbye to cares of the day….And watch your boat from hushabye mountain…sail far away from lullabye bay..."
"Two…" April warned. "Tight pinch, Rachel, you're doing great."
Another tear fell down Rachel's cheek and she closed her eyes tightly.
"Three." April slipped the needle into her arm as fast and carefully as she could and Rachel kicked her legs against Shelby, hard. Shelby sucked in a breath and Rachel glared at April.
"Why'd you do that?" She yelled.
"Rachel, honey, you did it! That part's over," April tried to calm her down. She hooked the first vial up, figuring the less she slowed the process down, the easier it would be. She moved to the second vial. The third. The fourth. "I'm almost done, okay?"
Rachel was more upset that it happened than she was mad that it had hurt. Her aunt had been right that it had only hurt for a second. She hoped that after this she could be done, but she had a feeling that wasn't the case.
"Rachel you're doing so well. You're being so brave," Cassandra told her. "We're so proud of you."
"You just don't want me to be upset," Rachel said angrily. April finished the last vial and then held Rachel's arm carefully.
"Do you want me to take it out, Rachel?" April asked her. Rachel nodded feverishly. "Okay, hold still for me," April instructed, making quick work of it. She ran a hand through her niece's hair and gave her another kiss to her forehead. "Some sugar to make it better." she said softly.
The corners of Rachel's lips turned up a little, even though she felt a little betrayed. Rachel had hoped the appointment was finally over and that they had saved the worst for last. It turned out there was more, and she had a bunch of bandaids on her thighs to prove it. The silver lining was that the band aids were not on her bottom instead- Auntie April had given her the choice of where she wanted the shots to go, and had told her the shots were to keep her from getting sick.
That was the total opposite of what the Reverend had once told her. He claimed that shots were the devil's work, and that they were used to track people. In fact, he thought all doctors were evil. This was too confusing for Rachel to think about in the presence of April, though, and honestly she was just ready to go home. She loved her aunt and all, but what she had done had hurt. She didn't want to see April anymore, at least not for the rest of the day, and she definitely didn't want to go back to the clinic anytime soon. Auntie April had been the best doctor Rachel had ever been to though, Rachel internalized. She wasn't completely paralyzed at the thought of seeing her, at least, which was a new feeling for Rachel to experience.
April kissed her friends goodbye and they stopped by the frozen yogurt place as promised on the way home, but Rachel took hers home to freeze. She wasn't feeling up to eating anymore, and wasn't speaking much to her mothers either, unsure if she was upset with them or not. Really she just felt yucky, and it was not her stomach this time. She was really cold. She wished Mama would turn off the air conditioning. And everything hurt.
Once in the mansion, all Rachel could think to do was go climb up on the couch and curl into a ball. However, unlike before she found her mommy, Rachel was not left alone or ignored while she felt so icky and in pain. Mommy had gathered her up in her arms and given her a warm bath. Mama had found her winter footed pjs with the santa hats on them. Aunt Dee Dee had made some hot chocolate again, even though it was summer time. Auntie April showed up at bedtime to read her a story and give her a kids medicine that tasted like grapes, and even though she was a little unsure about seeing Auntie April at the moment, she took the medicine without a fight.
After all of that was over and she finally was able to relax, Rachel felt okay for Barbra to join her back in her princess bed. Together, they shut out the noise of the rest of the world.