"Mr. President! You do not have time for indecision! We need an answer!"
Mr. Gun Gun, secretary of the Department of Anti-Astronomy: We Really Hate Stars and Related Things continued to beg President Nalak for an order. President Nalak had only been president for a day and Mr. Gun did not think he was up to the task. He refused to take any action.
His indecision had already killed billions. It was the end of the world!
President Kalan had been at the ceremony when the six children went into Wonkaland. Billions had been watching when he died! The four red pigeons that always were perched on his shoulders pecked him to death and flew away!
It escalated! It all escalated!
Aliens! A waggleporty of aliens had flown down from space! They were eating everyone! A group of secret astronomers snuck into the White House and told President Nalak the Champion of the World was dead! He had been caught in a salt hailstorm! They said that the Champion of the World was the only thing keeping the aliens away by shooting them down whenever they tried to come into the earth's atmosphere, and he was dead!
Mr. Gun had the men put to death for lying and practicing astronomy, but it didn't help! The aliens kept eating everyone!
It escalated! It all escalated!
Demons! They were crawling out of the ocean, giant red pigeons with four heads and wings made from scissors and mouths shoot out flaming moths! They were murdering all the children! A small elderly mouse in a little wheelchair snuck into the white house and told President Nalak that the Grand High Witch had kidnapped the woman with the finger and stolen her power! The mouse had been trying to stop her when a salt hailstorm gave her the chance to slip away!
Mr. Gun had the mouse sent to a Mouse Insanity Asylum, but it didn't help! The demons kept murdering all the children!
It escalated! It all escalated!
Babies! The ruinous babies! The first generation CHOCOR babies that had been exiled to Madagascar had begun another campaign of tantrums! They were following the orders of the new King Baby and his army of mechanical sheep-kangaroos! A famous doctor named George snuck into the White House and said that the King Baby had discovered how to harness the power of the crystals by using salt! The Lambaroos were working together to steal all the world's cake!
Mr. Gun shot Dr. George himself because he was getting sick of people sneaking into the white house, but it didn't help! The CHOCOR babies kept stealing cake!
It escalated! It all escalated!
Mr. Gun saw that his shoes were chocolate.
It escalated! It all escalated!
W
"Mahuika," said Mr. Bucket. "We are here. Vape and follow me."
Mr. Bucket and Mahuika left the Great Glass Elevator. The ride had been long.
There was no lava and no heat. Science was wrong. They were standing on the side of a dark street. Bushes and lamps lined the sidewalks. A pickle was sitting on the ground. Bright light shone from it.
Chili had read about pickles, but it was his first time seeing one in person.
"Hogan was his name," said Mr. Bucket. "He ate chocolate. He was the first fuel. Mr. Wonka and I, right before we brought him down here, we celebrated together with breakfast. We had a food fight! We fought to see who could throw more food at Hogan's face. He won. He threw an entire English or American breakfast at him. Black pudding, freedom pudding, bangers and mash, burgers and meth, beans and toast, guns and toast, fresh fruit, insulin."
He smiled. Chili hated that he felt bad for him. His voice sounded the way good chocolate tasted when it missed something, something that Chili missed too.
"The pickle has an abstracted form, which can only be reached in abstraction. This is the true physicalization of the pickle. To protect itself, it uses a Vinegar Solution, what we see as the light. If I tried to go any closer than I already am to enter it, the Vinegar Solution would brine and kill me."
Mahuika vaped.
"This is what happened to Mr. Wonka. When the pickle rejected Hogan, Mr. Wonka tried demanding an explanation from the pickle. He thought it might have been the beans and toast dripping from Hogan's face. We didn't wipe the food up before coming down. The pickle wrongly interpreted the question as a threat. This is the only time anyone has not deserved what happened to them. The pickle has a hard time understanding others when it must interact with them outside of abstraction."
He looked at the pickle.
"I can't bring Mr. Wonka back, Mahuika. But I will carry out his wishes and realize his dream. Vape, run forward, and touch the pickle with both hands to offer yourself as fuel. Keep touching it until I am gone, and then stop moving and wait for more orders! The other children are hiding in the bushes. Do not let them stop you!"
Mahuika vaped and ran.
Keerthi and Chili, both riding VIPs, flew out of bushes from different sides of the street. The VIPs were much quicker than Mahuika, but the final vape cloud she puffed before entering the light was revolting enough to make them swerve off course. They flew into each other and tumbled to the ground. Chili choked, fighting to breathe.
"You underestimate me, children! I know everything that happens in my factory! I know when children escape my citizens hospital!"
The citizens hospital was a chocolate closet.
"I know when children escape my noncitizens hospital!"
The non-citizens hospital was a chocolate coffin inside of the closet.
"I know when those nasty children steal the Lackluster Glass Lift! I know when they free my slaves and my clams and discover my plans and put terrible ideas into the heads of my employees! I know to take all of Mahuika's vape pens away and give her chlorine gas flavored WonkaJuice!"
JUROR and Tide ran toward Mr. Bucket, a delicious bask of chocodiles scurrying ahead of them. While he beat them away with his cane, JUROR aimed the Gummy Gun he had picked up in the Arsenry Room at Mr. Bucket's head.
He did not fire.
Mr. Bucket laughed as he continued to beat the chocodiles back. "JUROR! You cannot do it! You only truncate! You only trun-"
He fired for the purposes of art.
Mr. Bucket caught the sticky bullet with his tongues. They slivered out of his mouth and wrapped themselves around all the chocodiles, tossing them at Tide and JUROR.
He didn't throw the final chocodile, grinning. "This one is exactly as heavy as a chocodile should be, with a one idiot margin of error."
He ripped the chocodile's face off and reached into it with his hands, pulling out Lim, who was holding a tiny chocolate pocket pistol. Mr. Wonka took the candy from the baby and yeetyooted him into the pile of chocodiles with JUROR and Tide.
Chili managed to make it back to his feet. The VIPs were down.
"Chili," said Mr. Bucket. "This was always Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!"
"It won't be," said Chili. "Not after we stop you."
"I agree," said Mr. Bucket. "It will not! This world is being destroyed as we speak, and even the factory will disappear. Even if I did not succeed, the pickle would never agree to wait again. It has influenced the world with its salt and begun the race to the end. Almost everyone is dead and the pickle will remove the remainder itself soon. Only I will be extracted in exchange for bringing the pickle its fuel."
"It won't work. We spoke to the clams, and we know they aren't clams. They told us everything. It didn't work last," said JUROR.
"Only because there was no contest," said Mr. Bucket. "I have followed a formula!"
"Mahuika," said Keerthi, who was still on the floor. "Ignore him! Get away from the pickle!"
Mahuika did not listen to Keerthi. She was almost at the pickle.
"Children," said Mr. Bucket. He took a piece of candy from inside his hat and held it in the air. "What I ate now is called Truegat. If you eat Truegat and try to fib, strawberry steam blows from your ears. I want you to know I am being honest when I tell you."
Mr. Bucket ate the Truegat.
"I have cameras all around the world, which is why I know that your parents are dead. All of them are dead. JUROR, your parents were swallowed by Vermicious Knids."
Steam did not blow from Mr. Bucket's ears.
"No they can't be," said JUROR.
"Lim, your mother and father were listening to Chopin when they were crushed by a Lambaroo. They hated the music but only because you were not there to listen to it with them."
Lim cried.
"He's lying, Chetan! Don't say that! He is lying! He is!"
Chili did not think Mr. Bucket was lying.
"Tide, your mother was fighting the Grand High Witch together with your father. They weren't driven to fight by science or literature. They were fighting because of love. They drowned in that ocean of love and also each other's blood which is romantic."
"Shut up!" screamed Tide. "You liar! You devil!"
"Keerthi," said Mr. Bucket. "Your parents were crying. I am not sure what got them because my cameras stopped working. I only have the audio. You are a smart puzzle solver! Listen with me."
Mr. Bucket took off his head and threw it in the air. It floated and began to play the sound of a man and a woman shrieking together. Something could be heard dripping.
Keerthi burst into tears and buried her head into her knees, her hands over her ears.
"I have helped you, Chili," said Mr. Bucket. "They are all ready! You can murder them now like you wanted. Have a treat before the world ends. Candy is dandy!"
Chili had not apologized to the other children. He woke up in the closet, let them out of the coffin, and begrudgingly agreed not to murder them until they defeated Mr. Bucket.
It had not been as begrudging as he pretended it was. He liked all of them and wanted to apologize, but didn't know how. He had never apologized before.
They were all crying. If he had heard them a week ago, he would have laughed at them for being sad about losing the feeling. He didn't even remember having the feeling.
He didn't laugh. They were never going to feel the feeling again.
He ran up to Mr. Bucket to try and bring him down. Mr. Bucket's cane did not let him.
"It's over, children! Mahuika has touched it! You lose! You get what you deserve!"
Chili turned to check. She was touching the pickle with both hands.
"Let go, Mahuika!" shouted Chili. "Vape and let go!"
Mahuika did not vape or let go. With her hands on the pickle, she could not vape until Mr. Bucket's command was finished. Since his command would only keep her from vaping for a short time, she followed it.
Chili tried walking toward her. The light sent him flying back. It was like trying to climb a waterfall.
"You can keeping trying to approach it, if you like," said Mr. Bucket. "The pickle will brine you. It might be a good choice. I will see your decision from the outside. Goodbye! Farewell! You're doing great!"
Mr. Bucket turned into vinegar and became a puddle.
The puddle turned back into Mr. Bucket.
"It did not accept her," said Mr. Bucket. His voice sounded the way good chocolate tasted when it was denied a final chance to escape a dying world inside of a pickle. "The pickle is fickle."
Mr. Bucket smiled and reached into his hat. It was a bullet.
Chili watched him bite it.
"One of my delicious Bullet Biters," said Mr. Bucket. "They have a delicious peanut butter flavor, and triple the cyanide of any other…"
Mr. Bucket's mouth began to foam. His eyes rolled back and he fell.
Chili looked at Mahuika. "Mr. Bucket is gone," he shouted.
She took her hands off the pickle and waited for more orders, following Mr. Bucket's last command.
Keerthi walked next to Chili. She was still crying. Tears bunched up around her skin tag. It looked like it was catching them.
The other children could not stand because they were sad or babies, or sad babies.
"We have to stop it," she said. "He's right. I can't think about it until we stop the pickle."
"Stop the pickle," said Chili. They both knew it was hopeless. The children had been told by the clams what the pickle was. It controlled the GAG.
"We can do it," said Keerthi. "It's only a pickle on the street."
Mahuika waited.
Chili and Keerthi are in a pickle. Their world is about to be truncated.
They have a precious few seconds remaining. Mahuika is the only one who can physically reach the street pickle, as she is inside the Vinegar Solution. Chili and Keerthi can issue her commands, but there is only enough time for her to follow one.
This is it. Chili must have a Fudge Revelation.
First, Chili will need to give Mahuika a command that can stop the pickle. It must be a command that Mahuika can follow. The pickle controls the world.
Chili will also need to explain why his command will work. If Chetan is unconvinced by his explanation, he will tell Keerthi to give Mahuika a separate command, which will take too much time.
Chili's command and explanation should both be concise. Answers should be posted to Fanfiction as reviews for this chapter. If the correct Fudge Revelation isn't Fudge Revelated, the story will
There is only one correct answer.
You have until May 23rd, at 4:00 AM, WLST.