Chapter 19: God
"Hatori! Hatori!"
Hatori heard a small voice call. He didn't need to wonder who. The affect the small voice had on him was instantaneous. It instantly calmed him and made him happy. All his worries seemed to melt away.
He turned to see Akito running towards him giggling. The small 4 year old grabbed his pant leg.
He crouched down so he was at her level and smiled at her as she hugged him.
"Are you playing?" He asked cheerfully.
She nodded excitedly. "Yes! I was playing outside by myself but then I saw you and we can play together now!"
Hatori was on his way to Shigure's house, but those plans were quickly erased from his brain now that Akito was here. She was the most important person in his life.
"What would you like to play?" He asked picking her up.
"You be the dragon. And I'll be the princess!" She said happily. And Hatori smiled.
"Alright." He said putting her on his shoulders.
"Hatori?" She asked, and he looked up at her.
"Do you love me?" Akito asked.
Hatori laughed and smiled. "Of course. What kind of question is that?"
Akito giggled and held on to him. They went on playing, laughing, and having fun.
Hatori stared blankly out his window recalling the memory. He stared at the cherry blossoms blooming and the pink petals that rained down to the ground.
He looked down at Akito's medical files, which brought the memory up.
He massaged his temples. The inner conflict was hurting his head again. The dragon spirit within him screamed at him for being a traitor.
He knew he was betraying Akito by being with Erin. However, he couldn't be apart from her. The spirit part of him was bound to Akito and the human side was bound to Erin. He knew one day he would have to choose between them.
He pushed the unpleasant thoughts away, and stared at the clock. It was 2:30. He sighed. He would usually be getting ready to pick Erin up from school by now. But she had graduated. And now he lost his one excuse to see her everyday.
His heart ached. He missed her. It had been a week since she graduated and he hadn't even seen her. He had been so busy with work he hadn't had a chance to see her. Maybe he could stop by Shigure's tonight. Even if it was late by the time he got there.
Suddenly his door slid open revealing Erin's bright and happy face. "Hey stranger!" She said happily giving him a smile that made all his stress and worry completely melt away.
He raised his brows in surprise. "Erin? How did you get here?" He said walking over to her.
"Oh, well I missed you so I thought I'd stop by for a visit. Oh. I guess I should've called first... Are you busy?" She said her voice getting quieter.
He shook his head and ran his hands up her arms, wishing he could hold her. "I've missed you as well." He looked over her to see if she had changed in the past week since he'd been apart from her. As the weather warmed he'd noticed her freckles more.
He was excited to see them in the summer. He remembered how they came out on their trip to the beach.
As happy he was to see her he couldn't help but remember where he was.
"Erin. What did I tell you at New Years? Coming here on your own isn't safe. I don't want you getting in trouble." He said plainly.
"I'm alright Hatori. You worry too much. I'm starving. Have you eaten lunch?" She asked smiling up at him.
"No I haven't eaten today yet." Hatori sighed.
"Hatori! That's unhealthy. You know if I haven't eaten anything you would give me a lecture. You can't take care of people if you don't care of yourself." She said rolling her eyes and crossing her arms.
He half smiled and raised his hands. "You caught me."
"Sit and do your work. I'll make us some food." She said skipping off to the kitchen.
"Be careful please?" He said as she left. He didn't want her cutting herself again.
As he went back to his work, he stole a look at her in his kitchen. Butterflies raced through him as he watched her humming and preparing food.
There was something different about her. She seemed happier. She had a certain glow about her. Her big brown eyes shined bright.
When he first met her, she was shy and barely spoke, and always looked sad. How much she had changed since then. He smiled. He wondered what she had done this past week.
"Spend time with Jirou and Mitsuki?" He questioned from his desk.
"Yes! It was fun. I wish you could've been there as well." She said bringing him some curry. He accepted it and took a few bites, realizing how hungry he was.
She sat on his desk and ate her share. He glanced at her swinging her legs and staring around the room. He also noticed her wearing the necklace he gave her. He smiled.
She talked about her plans now that she had graduated. She was torn on finding a job or doing more school. Hatori listened intently at her conversations, loving the sound of her voice. It made his cold home so warm.
"How's the food? I know I'm not the best cook. I mean I'm alright. But not as good as Tohru." She said finishing her food.
"It's perfect." He said finishing up. He walked up to her and ran his hands through her hair and kissed her. He had trouble explaining his feelings. But he could show her.
As he pulled away he smiled at the redness on her cheeks.
"I love you." He said. Erin grinned. "I love you too."
Hatori glanced at the clock and saw it was 3:15. He frowned.
"What's wrong?" Erin asked.
"I have an appointment at 3:30." He sighed. He wanted to be with her more.
"It's alright. I should be heading back to Shigure's anyway." She said happily.
"I promise I'll visit soon." Hatori said brushing the piece of hair out of her eyes.
She nodded, grabbing her bag. "Tonight?" She asked hopefully.
"I make no promises." He smirked.
"Can I convince you?" Erin laughed.
"Probably." He admitted as he pulled out the files he needed for the appointment.
"Okay then, I'll see you tonight!" She said.
And with that she left. Hatori laughed. He could get used to this side of Erin. Now that she was safe and had her cousins back, she was much happier.
Now all he had to do was try to get his work done so he could see her tonight.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Hatori finally finished all the work he had to do. He exhaled and looked out the window at the now setting sun.
Hatori knew it would be dark soon. He still had time to change.
Just before he left to change his phone rung loudly. He cursed under his breathe. It was either a patient who needed help or Akito summoning him. Either way. More work.
"Hello?" He answered solemnly
"Ha'ri! Are you planning on keeping Erin all night? Thats not fair and you know it!" Shigure whined.
Hatori furrowed his brows. "Shigure, what are you talking about?" He deadpanned.
"I mean you're being an Erin hog. If you're gonna keep her there you can at least tell me so Tohru knows she won't eat any dinner." Shigure teased.
Hatori's heart started beating faster as he grew worried. "She's not with you?" Hatori questioned.
"No. She told me she went to see you." Shigure said all the humor gone from his voice.
"She was here but she left to go home hours ago." Hatori said.
Shigure was silent on the other line. Hatori started to feel sick with worry. Why didn't he just drive her home?
He pushed the worry down. It might be for nothing. She could be out with Jirou or Kai.
"Let me try calling her." He told Shigure as he hung up.
He called her cell and got her voicemail. He called again, and got the same result. He started to sweat. He knew something was wrong. Things weren't adding up. This wasn't like Erin.
A knock on his door pulled him from his thoughts. He hoped it would be Erin, all smiles and apologizing for worrying him.
His heart sunk when he realized it was Kureno at his door, and not Erin.
"Oh Kureno, how can I help you?" He asked trying to mask the worry in his voice
"Hatori-ni, somethings happened. It's about Erin. Akito told me not to tell you but I think you need to know. You need to help her." Kureno said urgently.
The words 'help her' repeated in his brain. Help her? Why would Erin need help. His mind unable to process the words.
The words came out of his mouth before he even could process what he was saying. "Where is she?"
Kureno held up a small silver chain with a diamond hanging from it. The sight of the all so familiar piece of jewelry almost made him sick.
"I found this outside the main house." Kureno said, finally having the decency to drop his gaze.
Hatori's fest acted before his brain could catch up, and before he realized he was sprinting towards the main house, only one thought playing through his mind.
This is all my fault
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Erin fiddled with the straps on her bag as she walked past all the fancy houses of the Sohma estate.
She was sure to not get lost. That would be a problem. And she didn't want to get Hatori in trouble.
She walked past the water that flowed through the main estate. She walked past an archway overgrown with bright purple wisteria. She smiled at the sight. It had just rained so they dropped water down onto the concrete.
Erin looked up to the cloudy April sky. It looked like it would rain again soon. She should hurry home. If she got rained on, Hatori would lecture her on getting a cold again.
As she left the wisterias behind she noticed her necklace bothering her. She walked more trying to ignore it, until she couldn't take it.
She stopped and took off the necklace and examined the tiny knot in the chain. She sighed and started trying to pick out the tiny knot.
She became so immersed in her work she noticed too late the footsteps behind her.
Before she could turn and face whoever was behind her, strong arms grabbed her harshly, causing her to drop the sparkly necklace onto the wet pavement.
She didn't even have time to yell, fight back, or even process what was happening. Before she knew it she was thrown onto the floor of a darkened room.
She shot up, "What the hell?!" She complained rubbing her head.
"Well, well, well. We finally meet, Erin."
Erin froze at the cold dead voice. She looked up at the black haired person standing over her.
Something told her she should run away but she was frozen. This person. This is the person she saw on New Years. Akito. The name surfaced in her memories. The one who hurt Hatori.
Rage rose within her.
"What do you want?" She said trying to make her voice sound brave.
Akito laughed. "How rude. And here I was being polite. I wanted to finally meet you for myself. I wanted to see with my own eyes the little slut who thinks she's good enough for Hatori."
Erin swallowed hard as Akito crouched down to her level and grabbed her face.
"I don't understand what he sees in you. Your just an ugly girl. I don't think there's anything worthwhile about you." Akito said gripping her face harder.
Erin's eyes widened as she tried to free herself from the tight grip. Akito let go.
"Now I've brought you here to answer a question. When I blind Hatori's other eye will you go crazy just like his last bitch?" Akito sneered.
Erin furrowed her brows and pushed Akito down to the floor. "I won't let you hurt him again!" She yelled.
Hatori might not be able to stand up for himself, but she will do it for him. He had always protected her, now she had to protect him. And she would. No matter what.
"You little bitch! How dare you touch me! You think Hatori needs you? He would give you up the second I tell him to. He will ALWAYS choose me!" Akito yelled grabbing Erin by the hair and pulling her to the ground.
"He doesn't love you. He loves me and only me! I am his god!" Akito shouted punching her in the face. "He will do whatever I tell him too! I am the master of his soul!" Akito roared punching her again.
The room was spinning and Erin tried to focus.
"You're nothing to us! He doesn't love you!" Akito yelled slamming Erin's head on the floor multiple times.
As her vision became spotty Erin saw Hatori in her memories. 'I love you.' He said.
If there was one thing Erin was sure of in her life, it was that Hatori loved her.
"You're wrong. Hatori... Hatori does love me." She choked out. "He... he told me."
Akito kicked her hard in the ribs. And Erin screamed in pain.
"He lied! You're nothing to him! And you better get that through your thick skull! He'd be better off if you just died! Just die!" Akito yelled kicking her again.
Erin's vision started going black. Was this it? Was this how she would die? Would Hatori really be better off? Did he really not love her?
With each blow she was losing consciousness. Maybe it was better this way.
"Akito stop!" She heard a deep voice yell. What was happening? Who was that? There was yelling and scuffling and other voices as well.
She wanted to see what happened. She wanted to know what was going on. But she couldn't stay awake any longer.
The last thing she saw was blue violet eyes staring down at her.
And then there was nothing. Nothing at all.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
2 days later
Hatori was broken. He couldn't find any other word for it. He was broken. Shattered into a million pieces. His mind swam with a mixture of guilt, pain, and sorrow.
Erin was in the hospital. She still wasn't awake yet. He couldn't even see her. Her condition wasn't stable enough for visitors.
It's all your fault.
The only words running through his mind. He knew this would happen, from the very beginning. He knew he was putting her at risk. But he still selfishly chased after her. This was all his fault. And if Erin died? Well he'd never be able to live with himself.
All he seemed to think about was her scream. It seemed to be on repeat in his brain. That blood curtailing scream that stopped his heart and turned him to ice.
He was lucky him and Kureno were able to stop Akito before she did anymore damage.
If the sight of Erin's necklace in Kureno was enough to make him feel sick, than seeing Erin laying there bruised and bloody made him almost sick.
The world had seemed to come to halt. Time stopped moving. There was no past and no future. All he could do was yell at Akito to get her to stop. As Kureno handled Akito, all Hatori could do was fall to his knees next to her beaten body and with shaky hands examine her bruised face. The same face that was so full of life and joy just a few hours ago.
He shook his head. He can't think about it. He might actually be sick.
He had trouble focusing on anything the past day. Wait. Two. It had been two days. Not that he could be sure. He hadn't slept. It felt like a never ending day. A never ending nightmare.
He had seen Shigure. He had come when he found out what happened. Hatori had been sitting at his desk with his head in his hands. When he saw Shigure all Hatori could say to him was "I told you so."
Then not too long ago Akito had summoned him. That's where he was now. Kneeling in front of Akito, his head bowed. The dragon spirit felt ashamed. His human side felt anger.
But the spirit was stronger.
"I think you know why I called you here today." She said sitting in front of him.
He nodded. Not being able to find his voice.
"Hatori. Why do you keep making this mistake? How many times do I have to teach you this lesson?" She tilted his head up so he was looking at her. As he looked at her he was reminded of the small girl he used to love more than anything in the world.
"You're not allowed to fall in love. You're cursed. You belong to me. Do you understand?" She asked and he nodded once more.
"I am so disappointed in you Hatori. I thought you were better than this. I thought I could trust you. But you betrayed me just like the rest of them." She sneered, letting go of him.
Tears threatened to spill over his eyes as the dragon spirit within him wailed and cried over god being disappointed.
He bowed low. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He said quietly.
Akito pulled him into a hug. He wanted to pull away... He wanted to hug her back... he wanted to beg for forgiveness... he wanted to smack her.
His head pounded from the conflict.
"It's okay Hatori. I love you. I forgive you." She said softly, causing all his hairs to stand on edge.
"But I think we both know what has to happen now." She said standing up.
"You obviously can't see her anymore. And her memories need to be erased." Akito stated flatly.
He looked up quickly. "Akito, please no." He said pitifully.
She shot him a look, but then her face softened. "Hatori, we know this has to be done. Things need to go back to the way they were. You need to do it." She said.
Hatori could feel the binds. No. The chains of the curse tightening around him. The weighted him down like a shackle. He couldn't speak what he wanted to say, and he couldn't move even though he wanted to.
"Besides. Don't you think she will be mad at you? You're the one who brought her into this mess. This is you're fault." Akito said pointing at him.
This is all your fault.
His mind replayed the saying. Now that Akito said it, it had to be true. It was all his fault. Erin was hurt because of him.
A tear slipped out and splashed on the floor beneath him.
"Hatori. Be good and do as your told. Trust me Hatori, it's better this way. I still love you." Akito said stroking his face.
His insides felt like they were burning. He had to obey. Akito loved him, she said so.
Erin loves you too. His human side shouted, but the spirit side smothered it.
You promised to protect her and you failed. The spirit taunted.
There was only one solution.
He would do what Akito ordered him to do. Then she would be safe from the curse, Akito, and most of all, from himself.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Erin slowly came too. She could hear a beeping noise. Her head hurt and it was hard to breathe.
What happened?
She opened her eyes slowly to see a bright light. As she finally opened them she finally realized she was in a hospital.
Was it just her or was her mind going at a painfully slow rate?
She started to sit up but a familiar voice stopped her.
"You should lay down." Hatori said suddenly over her. Was her vision slow too?
She was so happy to see him. She tried to smile but her face hurt.
What happened? Why was she here.
"Hatori?" She asked sitting up and instantly regretting it. The whole room spun and she almost fell over.
Hatori steadied her and raised her bed so she could sit up.
Erin finally looked at his face. He looked miserable. Why? Wasn't he just happy? She felt confused. Her head was spinning.
"Do you remember what happened?" He said sitting down on her bed.
All of the sudden all the memories came flooding back to her. Tears sprung to her eyes as she remembered everything. Akito attacking her and telling her all those awful things.
She started to tremble.
"You have a bad concussion and some cracked ribs. Luckily nothing permanent. Akito was able to be stopped before too much damage was done."
Erin remembered the yelling and the blue violet eyes looking down at her.
"You saved me?" She said hopefully.
He shook his head. "No you're in here because of me." He said darkly staring at the floor.
Erin was confused. Her head hurt. Why did Hatori think this was his fault? There was so many things she wanted to tell him. But she couldn't organize any of it into words.
"Erin. I am so sorry. This is all my fault. I put you in danger. The Sohma's are a dark twisted family. I thought I could protect you but I couldn't. I'm so sorry." He said, his voice heavy with despair.
She grabbed his hand. "It's alright. I know none of this is your fault." She said trying to smile again.
Hatori looked at the bruises around her face. Even though they were there she was still beautiful. She was still his Erin.
Maybe he could go against Akito. The thought was brief, fleeting even.
But then he saw her struggle to smile. He was reminded of the pain she was in and went through because of his selfish desires. He would never be selfish again.
He had to do it. He had to do what Akito said. He didn't have a choice.
He hung his head. "Erin. It's better if we don't see each other anymore. I can't selfishly keep putting you in danger. You'll never get hurt because of me again. I promise." He said.
Erin's eyes widened and she could hear the beeping accelerate. What did he mean by that? Not see each other? How can that happen?
Her breathing quickened and tears fell down her face. Her brain couldn't keep up. She couldn't process what he was telling her.
"You're leaving me?" She cried. Her heart felt like it dropped to her feet.
Hatori dropped his gaze.
"Why?! Why?! Why would you want that! You-you said y-you l-love me. You you were lying?!" She cried starting to freak out.
Hatori could feel his heart shattering. Tears threatened to spill over, but he stopped them. He couldn't cry. He needed to be strong. He needed to protect her. This was the only way.
"I wasn't lying. Erin calm down. You're in no condition to freak out like this." He said sternly. Trying to put a lid on his emotions.
"No. No. No. You can't. You can't. Please. Please!" She begged. Hatori felt like he got punched in the gut.
"Erin it's better this way. You'll be safe. Outsiders don't belong in the cursed Sohma family." He started.
"No! It's not better for me! You're supposed to love me! Akito can't be right! This can't be happening." She said scratching her arms hard.
Hatori held her hands. "It'll be okay. I'll make it all better. I promise. It'll be like I never existed. It'll be painless. You'll forget about me. And you won't be in pain over me." He stated smoothly.
Erin's face darkened. "You're gonna erase my memories?" She asked shocked.
He didn't answer.
"NO!" She shrieked with such force it made Hatori flinch.
"No! You promised! You promised you never would! At New Years! You can't! You can't!" She sobbed.
Hatori couldn't answer. He couldn't even move. He remembered the promise. He was confused. Why wouldn't she want to forget? Why would she want to carry the heavy memories with her? Have them weigh her down like shackles?
"Don't make me forget! Don't make me forget the only time in my life I was happy! You promised!" She yelled clutching the hospital blanket tightly.
At her statement it felt like the bonds of the curse loosened. He sucked air into his lungs and he had a moment of clarity. Even if it was fleeting. Akito had ordered her memories to be erased. But he couldn't. He wouldn't, if she didn't want to.
He promised.
He got up and leaned over her.
She was shaking and her breathing wasn't steady. He tried to make his voice as steady as he could make it.
"Erin. You're right. I promised you two things. That I would never erase your memories, and I would protect you." He said sternly as she stared at him.
"This is me keeping those promises." He said turning and walking out the room.
Erin's eyes widened. He's leaving? He's leaving! "Hatori!" She called.
He didn't come back.
"Hatori!" She screamed.
He didn't come back.
She leaped from the bed ignoring the way the room spun and how her body screamed in protest.
"Hey! You can't leave your room!" One of the nurses called, but Erin ignored her. She saw Hatori walking out the door down towards the path.
She sprinted after him.
"Hatori! Please! Come back!" She yelled at the top of her lungs. The rain pelted down on her, soaking her to the bone.
"Please don't leave me! Please!" She screamed.
He turned back briefly, but kept walking.
Finally a nurse grabbed her and started pulling her back in. She fought. "Hatori! Hatori!" She sobbed.
But he was gone.
He was gone.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
It was late by the time Hatori got back to his house. His exhaustion and heart break was getting to him. He had barely made it home.
His head was constantly replaying her begging, pleading, and screaming for him to come back. Playing on an endless loop.
How could you hurt her like that? His human side said.
Good riddance. The spirit said.
"Shut up!" He yelled covering his face. He couldn't take the inner conflict. He felt sick and he lost the only thing that ever made him truly happy.
It's all your fault
Akito's words also played over and over in his head.
Anger coursed through him. "Shut up!" He yelled again, throwing one of his flower vases crashing into the wall.
"Just shut up!" He yelled once more punching his wall.
He was shaking and his rage quickly turned to sorrow. He fell to his knees as the tears fell in a steady stream down his face.
All the emotions he had kept frozen And hidden his whole life were finally released. All of it. The tension grew too much and he snapped.
The curse, erasing his loved ones memories, Kana, his eye, the inner conflict, and most of all losing Erin. It all crumbled.
He covered his face and screamed. He screamed until he had no air left in his lungs. Years of being strong and stoic crumbled as he screamed.
After he ran out of air, he laid his forehead on the floor and sobbed.
It was all over.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
To be continued in the next chapter.