Author's note: I'm sorry if this chapter turned out weird. I tried my best, but I think that I really failed. It seems too repetitive, and there's just something about it that doesn't seem right. Again, I'm sorry. I want for all of you guys to get the best stuff that I can give you. And I feel like I'm letting you all down with this.

With thanks to my Patrons:
Regal Eagle, Drake Razgriz

In response to reviews:
Blaze1992: Yeah. Sorry that you didn't enjoy the split, but thanks for sticking with me for this long, despite that.
d8rkforcen1ight7: Yup, interesting things are afoot! And thank you.
JDM: Hey, no problem. I enjoy writing this organised madness, and I'm glad that you like it too.
Ultidragonlord: Heh.
HeadlessHessian: Null is very much that, yes. Yeah, the snapshots are my way of adding a little bit more lore (and often comedy) into the story, so I'm glad that you're enjoying them! Yes, Cade's coming back, and yes, there are… adjustments that he's going to have to make in order to get back to normal.
SK8RTM: Yeah, me too… Kevin, Driscol and Sparta were all fun to write, and it's gonna be weird to not have them around any more. I'm assuming that you're either Birb or Demon on the discord server, so your other questions have been answered, I hope.
Hoot58: Yeah, it was tough to write, but I was aiming for something that would hopefully connect with all of you guys. As I'm really not the best at writing emotion, thank you for confirming that I did it right. And sorry. I meant for a general feeling of sadness, not something that extreme.

Disclaimer: I do not own the IC
Thanks to Wizz and Slack of betaing, Regal for writing Regal and Agrîn, and Wizz again for helping with the snapshot!

Chapter 20: I, dragon.

Waking up was a slow process for us. Waking up in the middle of the night didn't really help out either. Out of habit, my mind reached for the two other consciousnesses that I shared my body with, and I found… nothing. There was nobody wishing me a good morning, nobody to fight with about what to have for breakfast, and nobody for me to share my thoughts and feelings with.

I was one. I was Cade again. And... I'd never felt so alone.

Pushing ou-myself up to sit on my haunches and balance myself with my tails, we- I wrapped my wings around myself in a tight hug and hung my heads, trying not to cry. Driscol, Kevin and Sparta… they'd given themselves up for me. They'd let themselves fade- die- so that I could live again. I remembered being them, and I remembered how afraid they'd been to do it. And they still went through with it. For me.

Even though we- I remembered rescuing Amara from Gil'ead, the battle of Farthen Dûr, and the Blood-Oath Celebration, everything that had happened since I'd split into three seemed surreal. I knew that it had happened, and I still knew how to wield a sword and use our- my rift powers, but I felt… detached from the memories. Sparta, Kevin and Driscol were heroes, and I couldn't live up to their sacrifice.

I was just… me.

"Cuzes!" A familiar voice called out, and I felt a familiar weight crash into me.

It was Amara. My mind reached for hers, wrapping her in a tight mental embrace as w- I pulled her into a bear hug.

"Don't leave, don't leave, don't leave!" I jabbered out as I pressed my heads into her shoulders and tried not to lose total control of myself.

We- I could feel uncertainty and confusion spike in her mind, but she hesitantly patted me on the back and slowly said "I'm not going anywhere."

I still can't overstate how much I needed to hear that. We- I felt completely and utterly alone with nobody else in my heads. Mental contact with Amara also helped tremendously, almost replicating how it had felt to be three people in one body. Her mental touch was familiar and reassuring, offering me all the support and comfort that I could want.

"What the hell happened to you three?" She asked as she held me. "You disappeared into that portal three hours ago! Do you have any idea how worried I was when I couldn't get in contact with you three with your Knight?"

We- no, I- winced. "Sorry. W- I…"

Giving up on speech, emotions, thoughts and feelings whirled from me to her, and she gasped in surprise as she understood what we- I was experiencing. I felt lost, isolated, and in near-total solitude. I was alone. And after so long as a trio, being one person again was terrifying, drowning me in an abyss of secluded solidarity.

"Cade…" Amara whispered in shock, her eyes widening.

I trembled, sending pure feeling down the mental link. Confirmation that I was once again me, sorrow that Driscol, Kevin and Sparta were gone, and acceptance that there was no way to get them back.

"You're back." my cousin breathed in joy, returning my crushing hug with full force. "You're back!"

"Driscol, Kevin and Sparta are dead..." I whispered, letting the tears finally start to fall.

"But they were you!" Amara protested before quietly and cautiously adding on "Right?"

We- I made the motions for no and yes at the same time, and all three of my heads collided into each other. I waited for the inevitable hissing, snapping and long argument between Kevin, Driscol and Sparta, and I only felt empty and hollow when it didn't come.

I pulled back from Amara in shame, strengthening the mental connection even as I retreated. What… what was wrong with me?

"Oh, cuz…" Amara said sadly as she felt what I was feeling. "Listen to me, because what I'm going to say is true, all right?"

I sent back a wave of agreement.

"You're back, and everything will turn out fine in the end. You're just used to having two other people in your head, right?"

I waited for my heads to nod, then remembered that I had to do that myself now. Annoyance flickered through my mind, chased out by the longing and sorrow.

My five-headed cousin laid a comforting paw on my shoulder, gently tapped at my center head with the tip of her tail-stinger, and said "Well, you had to get used to having three people up there, right? It'll just take a while for you to adjust back."

"They were so scared." I trembled, my mental voice barely audible. "They were terrified of going, but they did it for me…"

I faltered. It was impossible to explain it all in words. I was already connected to Amara stronger than was generally considered polite, but could I…

"Will you let us- me show you?" I asked hesitantly, berating myself for slipping

Amara considered it for a while before nodding. "Go for it, cuz."

So, with a rush of thoughts, feelings and sensations, I shared the last moments of Driscol, Kevin and Sparta with Amara. I carefully omitted any mention of Rift and where I'd been, though. Those were topics that I'd rather not have to talk about right now. Instead, I just remembered the three people that I used to be, and their last sacrifice. Bringing me back.

I wasn't entirely sure how we- I'd ended up in the deserted clearing in Ellesméra where Amara had found me. Rift had probably done it, but we left Alagaësia not long after I shared the memory of the deaths of Driscol, Kevin and Sparta with my cousin, so it didn't really matter. Amara had decided that the best thing to help me would most likely be our clanmates, so we were in Locostral now, and heading towards Bluepeak by foot.

She'd also tried to get me to tell her how exactly I'd been merged back together and where the portal had taken me. We- I very bluntly told her that I didn't want to talk about it, and to put it short, she wasn't happy about that. However, she didn't pry into it, even if she was a little suspicious, trusting me to tell her when I was ready.

We stepped into the cargo lift, and Amara batted the 'up' button with a paw. The doors closed behind us, lights flicked on, and the lift started clanking upwards. Hopefully we wouldn't wake anyone. It was the middle of the night here, as it was back in Alagaësia, and we doubted that our clanmates would appreciate us disturbing them.

"So, what are we going to do?" I thought, the question echoing around my head. "'Yay, we're back', or…"

I trailed off as I realised that I was just talking to myself, and my heads drooped towards the floor. Talking to yourself was supposedly one of the first signs of madness, but it had been near-essential while I was a trio. Now it was just a reminder of my time as a trio. And possibly the start of a descent into madness, but who really knew any more? The fact that I was defaulting to 'we' instead of 'I' probably wasn't a very good indicator of my sanity, which was worrying. But I knew that it was worrying, so did that mean that I was actually sane? And was it just habit by now? I'd been a trio for months by now. I would undoubtedly have picked stuff up that no person with a single consciousness would understand.

Sighing through all three of my heads, I looked up as the lift started to slow down.

"Hey. You okay?" Amara asked gently.

"Do w- I look it?" I groaned, wanting to pinch the bridge of my nose- or snout, I guess- but not really knowing which head to do it on. In many ways, it had been easier as three people. The one of us who needed a limb the most got to use it- unless we were walking or flying at the time. We'd tended to alternate who drove then.

No, not 'we'! I was an 'I' now! I'd slipped up on that far too much already.

The doors of the lift began to open, but I prodded the button to make them stay closed after realising something. "I'm sorry."

"What for?" Amara asked, confused.

"When we- fuck, I mean I- no, that's not right either… When they left through the portal, Dris, Kev and Sparta promised you that they'd return. And because I'm here, both they and I broke that promise." I said quietly.

"Cade, you came back." Amara said, smiling sadly. "That's fine by me."

"Are you sure?" I asked in a small voice.

"Positive. Now, shall we get outta here and see the others?"

We- I sent a wave of thanks and appreciation to her as I released my hold on the button, and the doors opened. Everything was dark; nearly pitch black with the exception of the lights of the city coming through the panoramic window. The lights were off, the TV did it's best impression of a box, and the doors to everyone's rooms were closed. Odd, but not unexpected.

"Could you do something to light the place up while I go get Gem?" Amara whispered.

"It's three in the morning or something." I replied. "Wouldn't waking her up be a really bad idea?"

My cousin snorted quietly, a tiny burst of fire flickering from the nostrils of her red head as she quietly replied "Oh, please. It's Gem we're talking about. She'd gladly get up in the middle of the night to make sure that you'd feel better."

"I guess." I said uneasily.

"Good. Now I'll go get Gem while you turn some lights on. We're lucky that I have darkvision, really."

As Amara slinked off into the darkness, we- I lifted up my right hand and formed a small sphere of rift energy in it. It wasn't enough for me to need to activate my Rinjai, as this had about the same drain on me as opening a portal into a rift- nearly none- but it gave off enough light to see where the small, warmer-glowing lights were. We- for fuck's sake! I was an I! Anyway, I doubted that anyone would appreciate the really bright ones being on at this time of night.

Once the first lamp was on, it was easy to find the second, and then the third, and so on. By the time that I deemed that enough of them were on, Amara still hadn't come back. I wasn't really sure what to do. Turning on the TV would wake everyone up, going to my room when I was waiting for Gem to come here was counterproductive, and just lounging on the couch would probably make me fall asleep.

So, before I knew it, w- I was standing on the balcony. A cool breeze blew over my scales- although it probably would have been rather chilly to a human- and I cradled an unholy union of several hot drinks in my hands. I'd started out by trying to make hot chocolate, but I'd accidentally put ground up coffee beans in it instead of cocoa powder. After realising my mistake, I emptied the bag of hot chocolate stuff into the massive mug, and a teabag had somehow found its way into the mix. Realising that I'd passed the point of no return of getting a good drink well before I started, I just gave up on logic and lathered the mixture in cream and marshmallows after a lot of depressed stirring. And now I was out here, trying to enjoy the cool breeze and the night air. Well, as much as a person who didn't need oxygen could enjoy air.

I sighed, and looked down into my mug of evil brews. Rift had said that Driscol, Kevin and Sparta wouldn't be coming back, so I was once again alone in an infinite multiverse.

"Cade?" A voice asked from beside me.

My right head responded well, focusing on Gem just as my middle and left heads crashed into each other. I'd need time to adjust on controlling everything myself again...

"Hey, Gem." I replied sadly, my mind connecting with hers like it had with Amara; a little too deep than was polite, but just deep enough to help me cope without three people in my heads.

Glancing around, I noticed that Amara was hanging back in the doorway with Jacob, Regal and Agrîn, but I gestured for them to come out and join us. The more people were here, the less lonely I'd feel. Or so w- I hoped.

"Amara explained what happened." my big sis said, locking eyes with me. "I guess that 'are you okay' is a dumb question, but… how are things in those three noggins of yours?"

The ghosts of three smiles flickered across my faces, but it didn't feel right for me to be happy right now.

"Driscol, Kevin and Sparta are... they're... gone." I confirmed dejectedly, projecting my thoughts to everyone. "And I'm back, so… I dunno if you want to bust out a party of that or not."

Jacob chuckled, and Gem laughed before becoming more serious again. "But how do you feel, Cade?"

"Empty." I said slowly. "Alone. Lonely."

"But… we're all here." Jacob pointed out. "How can you be lonely if you've got all of us?"

"You're not in my heads." I said sadly. "You don't know what w- I'm thinking. I can't talk with you about my deepest emotions and darkest thoughts and remain unjudged about it."

Jacob recoiled a little at my answer, but said "We're your friends! Family, for some of us, too! You can talk with us about things that trouble you. That's what we're here for. I mean, being in your head and knowing what you're thinking is a little invasive, but-"

"I lived with it for months." I growled, my grip on my mug tightening. "I got used to it. And the three people that I was to do it are dead now."

Suddenly, my central head was glomped by a body full of feathers. Evidently, Regal tackle-hugged me. "I'm so sorry, Cade! If I was a bit faster… Maybe you wouldn't have had to deal with this."

My eyes twitched as a near-uncontrollable wave of anger washed through me. Regal was not Chromie. He would not sit on my head and do what Chromie did. I just had to keep calm and pry him off without inflicting bodily harm. No big deal.

Managing to do that was a little harder than I'd anticipated, as I had to do my best to poke him off, and despite not having arms or hands, he could hold on pretty damn tight. Once I was free, I wriggled my shoulders around until I felt comfortable, and then ran back through what he'd said.

Confused, I looked down at him and said "Run that by me again."

He sniffed a bit, then sighed. "Did I overreact a bit? Sorry, it's just… The day you fought with your rival… I knew that if I separated the two of you sooner- if I recognised the danger we were in… maybe you wouldn't have to rip your own head off. Thanks for that by the way, that was not a happy memory. But... maybe you wouldn't have to feel a stranger in your own body. Maybe…"

Regal paused and looked down at the floor before continuing "I'm sorry. I had to let it out. I blamed myself for so long and I didn't dare admit that it gnawed at me."

We- I cocked my heads at him. Regal blamed himself for how I'd been divided into three, and the ever-present solitude that I was now feeling? That wasn't what had happened.

"Dude, it's really not your fault." I said. "You did try to get me out of that cafe way back when, and I didn't listen to you. That lumps the blame on me. I, and I alone am responsible for my actions. The fight between me and Felix? My fault, not yours. Me separating into Driscol, Kev and Sparta? Well, I admit that I was really bitchy about it early on-"

"You really were." Amara chuckled, making me roll all three pairs of eyes that I had.

"Anyway, we- sorry, they- learned to live with it. It's not your fault. It's mine."

"Sorry, you're right." Regal nodded. "But I can't stop myself from feeling it was partly my fault too… I guess I let the guilt pile up for too long."

"Oi, this is the part where w- I feel sorry for myself." I said, managing to flash a pained smile. This didn't feel right. Should I really be happy when Dris, Kev and Sparta were gone? Nevertheless, I carried on, saying "It's nothing that I haven't experienced before. Getting used to new stuff with my own body is old news. Respawning like this, learning to fly, learning to use my gravity beams, learning my rift powers… I'll... cope." I nodded, glancing back at the view of the Locostral night. "...I'll cope."

"That's a forced set of smiles, Cade. You and I both know that." Gem mentally said, before switching back to talking out loud. "Are you sure you're okay, what with Driscol, Kev and Sparta… passing? I know that I'll miss them, just as much as I missed you while they were around."

"You missed me?" I asked, amazed. "But you never said anything…"

Amara smiled. "Well, we did try to show it, but you aren't the most observant, cuz."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" W- I asked, my eyes narrowing in suspicion.

Jacob started humming the tune of 'Somebody to Love', making Amara snicker as Gem smiled and said "Yes. I missed you Cade, more than I can say. But I had a feeling that mentioning it to your cult would upset them a fair bit."

"Yeah, they'd probably be pissed about that." I agreed, smirking as I imagined their reactions. "Sparta would have steam streaming out of his ears and nose, Kevin would be upset, but understanding, and Driscol would just be really offended."

There was silence as I sighed again, only to realise that Agrîn had hung back for the conversation, and hadn't really said anything. Turning around to face him, I said "It's only now that w- I realise that both you and Rosa haven't met the real me yet. So, sup. I'm Cade."

"Err, sup indeed. Sorry, this has been a bit confusing for me. I was used to having three of you talking to me, so you only being a singular entity threw me through a loop, no offense."

I shrugged. "It's no big deal to me. At least they'll be remembered. And they wanted that."

Raising my mug to the sky, I said "To Kevin, Driscol and Sparta. You'll always be remembered by us all."

"To Kevin, Driscol and Sparta." everyone else repeated as I took a tentative sip of my drink.

Said drink was almost immediately spat back into the mug. "Holy shit, that stuff is uber nasty."

Snapshot 29D:

He was saved in time from the young girls shenanigans by the horro- ehm, Heart coming their way to sit at the gaming table. "Please stop it Luna, the new guy might find it uncomfortable to be touched. Cele, please keep an eye on her, okay?"

"Sure, uncle." said the older one. She was a tall and slender girl with amber colored hair and golden eyes. As she grabbed her younger sister away from Snorri, making her light blue eyes momentarily glare up at her, she whispered something in her ear. The glare was replaced with an excited grin of anticipation, and the two darted towards the door, disappearing in the span of seconds.

"...I have no idea how you've survived this long with them, Heart." commented the Shadow that was resting by the fire.

"-You might want to ask that to our parents too, brother.-" Commented back the automaton as she moved closer to her resting position on his side.

"...Fair point." the Shadow concluded before he closed his eyes and started to doze.

Snorri was mentally sent reeling. Pointing his tail at Heart, he said "You… have family," before gesturing to the automaton Plainswalker, "and you called him… brother. I… I don't understand."

But before he could get an answer to his questions, he was interrupted by the sound of 2 faces colliding with a solid platform. Turning his head towards the table, he saw the black-hooded knight Plainswalker and Null both slamming their heads against the table in frustration, with the ninja Plainswalker looking smugly at both.

"How do you always win?" Null complained.

The ninja turned to look at him. "With luck and skill, my dear loser."

The knight-like Plainswalker half-heartedly grumbled "I hope you get cursed one of these days."

Null regained his wits after glaring with his single eye at the Ninja, who returned it with another smug look. Then he rolled it in an exasperated motion, threw down his remaining cards, and turned to face Snorri.

"As you have probably guessed, I'm Null. And we," Null gestured to everyone in the room, "are the Absentii."

"And… you all know?" Snorri asked.

Null picked up on the former Plainswalker's meaning and nodded. "Yes. We all know about the Rift and Void schism- and far too well for our own good, too. We know more than enough for us to not want to be a part of it, and to try and live our immortal lives as far away from that pointless conflict as possible."

Null then motioned to Heart, who was looking at Snorri with a calm and serene face… although that was his default expression. "Every Plainswalker and Shadow here have reasons behind their past pains and deeds. Heart's were from severely broken emotional processing." He pointed at the siblings. "Arianne and Hetan's were caused by their forced separation and becoming locked in immortal combat for several years after that." He pointed at the Shadow overlooking the lake outside "Glaive's pain came from discovering that in an unhinged rampage, she brutally murdered her own family." He then pointed at the Knight and Ninja "Mark and Violets' pain was because of the brutal enmity Mark had to suffer because of his appearance being very similar to that of a Shadow, and Violet's for being his lover and staying by his side."

"But… how are they siblings?" Snorri asked, beginning to suspect the answer.

"In terms of secrets in the Plainswalker/Shadow war, Rift and Void are just the tip of the iceberg." Heart explained. "We Shadows aren't just… made. Void saw what Rift did with your kind. He took it, and he…"

Glaive's form spasmed out, turning into a screaming, writhing ball of darkness and burning red light. "TURNED US, TWISTED US, MALFORMED US, TORTURED US, BRAINWASHED US, INDOCTRINATED US, ENSLAVED US! HE MADE US INTO MONSTERS! KILLERS! MURDERS! I BUTCHERED MY OWN FAMILY BECAUSE OF WHAT HE DID TO US!"

There was one last convulsion before Glaive re-formed and finally turned to face Snorri. She had no body. Her form was only partially torn clothes made of darkness, with a blazing red light shining out of the gaps. Her head was simply just the same red light, randomly flickering like a faulty light bulb, and she was pressing her hands to it as she sat against one of the wooden beams that held up the porch's roof. "Don't you get it yet?" She asked, her voice sounding like she was suddenly exhausted. "We're just like you."

"You… you mean…" Snorri said slowly.

Glaive nodded, solemnly. "We were once human too. We saw Rift's light. And we didn't take it."