For the first time I woke before J. Perfection. Everything I could ever want. More than I could have dreamed. Everything. My King. My God. My Joker.

I thought about last night, one nail between my teeth. Then I pulled out my journal to write. I was just finishing when his arms wrapped around me and pulled me against him. I giggled as I slid across the sheets and arched my back, rubbing my ass on his crotch. He growled and dipped his hand between my legs, his other hand grabbing a fistful of my hair and yanking. Pain and pleasure, pleasure and pain. I sighed, my eyes fluttering closed.

We fucked our way through a shower and ate together before J told me he and Jonny had a few things to finalize before "the big show tonight."

"What, are we goin' to the theater?"

He snickered, "No, baby. A much bigger show than that."

"So what am I supposed to do all day?"

"Anything you want." The way he smiled at me made me feel all gooey and evil inside. I smirked back at him.

"Can I have some of your guys?"

"Any way you like."

I giggled and sipped on the straw in my glass, "You know, this orange juice would be better as a mimosa."

J's smile widened and he called into the other room, "Jonny, bring Harley some champagne."

A few moments later, Jonny entered with a bottle and added champagne to the flute of orange juice.

"Thanks, Jonny."

He smiled in response, and I noticed J watching his expression with a smirk. Jonny put the bottle down on the table and walked out of the room. J grinned at me and then got to his feet.

"You know, I think he's sweet on you." He got that from an expression?

"Awww, poor little Jonny."

"Three floors down, whenever you want. I'll tell them to be ready for you." He kissed my forehead while squeezing my throat and I shuddered in his hold. Then he bent to brush my lips with his and he was striding for the doorway, calling, "JONNY! Let's GO!"

I put on my harlequin outfit again, my cleaned mallet right next to the red and black ankle boots. Hair and make-up like the night before, cowl and collar placed perfectly. Zip on the boots, hit the second elevator, down to floor 72. The doors opened to what looked like a normal office space. There was a young woman sitting at the receptionist's desk. She looked up when I walked in and smiled. A buzzer sounded and she gestured to the door behind her, "Right through there, Miss Quinn."

I snickered, practically skipping past her, "Honey, call me Harley."

I pushed open the door, mallet over my shoulder, and found about twenty guys milling around, chatting. They all hushed, turning to look at me as I walked in. "Hiya, boys. … Harley Quinn, nice to meetcha."

Oh they will do quite nicely. We can just stay here, right? Oh, we could have soooo much fun just staying right here.

"J said you wanted some company." A massive black man stepped forward, long dreads hanging from his head. My mind conjured images of the pornos J had had playing back in the Playroom.

I grinned up at him salaciously. "I got some plans for today. … Maybe when they're done we can have some real fun."

He smirked and glanced behind him to the rest of the men. "J says you're in charge. Whatever you say goes."

"Well, boys… we're going shopping."

"Shoppin'?" I heard muttered from the group. I spun the mallet in my hands and grinned wickedly at them.

"More like stealin'. You loaded up or are we goin' to the Toybox first?"

The man who'd stepped forward gestured to the offices, "Everything we need in there."

I let my gaze roam over the men, locking eyes with each in turn. "I need at least a dozen of ya. But you're all welcome to come along."

They nodded and dispersed into the varying rooms to load up on guns. All but the black man. He walked up and held out a hand, "Name's Frankie." I shook his hand as he continued. "What kind of trouble can we expect?"

I smiled wide, "Only the best. … Ya know, I like you, Frankie."

He half smiled at me.

"You got my mama's name."

He laughed then, but not unkindly. There was mirth to his tone. "Well, thank you, Harley. … I think?"

"Oh, it's definitely a compliment. Mama was an angel." He grinned widely and nodded before moving into one of the offices.

Frankie got everyone ready. He was clearly the one usually in charge of this band of men. Then he led us to a different elevator on the other side of the floor. It went down to the garage, where they all piled into three large black vans.

Frankie got behind the wheel of that little red thing Jonny and I had taken to the Toybox – a 2014 Chevy Corvette Stingray Convertible – and I hopped over the passenger side door. I perched on the top of the head rest and pointed to the exit with the mallet. "Tally ho!"

We led the line of cars up onto the streets and drove straight to Gotham's version of Rodeo Drive. While we sped through the streets, I pulled out a red permanent marker and drew smiley faces with x's for eyes on either circular side of the mallet. Frankie parked and I hopped onto the sidewalk, walking straight into the closest shoe store. A bell chimed when I crossed the threshold and a woman stood from straightening a display.

"Can I help-" She faltered when she turned and saw me.

I grinned, "Hi."

"I think you're in the wrong place, dear."

"Nope." I stepped further inside, the mallet swinging back and forth in my hand.

I could see the gears turning in her mind as she stepped away from me. The door chimed again and Frankie entered the store. The woman's eyes widened to the size of saucers when he flicked the lock and turned the OPEN sign around.

"I'm calling the police." She rushed to the counter but Dil and Mick stepped out from the back room and grabbed her. Her shriek made me giggle.

"Nope. Wrong again." I looked at Frankie, "Tell them I want every style in a size 7."

He went into the back to talk to the rest of the guys while I ordered Dil to sit her down behind the counter. They shoved her to the floor and let me step in front of them, then pulled guns from their holsters, one in each hand. I squatted in front of the woman and tilted my head.

"That wasn't very smart, lady."

"Please don't hurt me."

"See, I'm not ready for the cops to be on my tail. I got a few more stops to make, ya know?"

"I won't call them. I won't say anything!"

I scowled, "Now I know you're lyin'. I don't like liars, lady."

Her eyes flooded with tears, body trembling in fear. "I swear. I won't say a word. Please."

I tipped my head to look up at Mick, "What do you think, Mickie-boy?"

He rolled his shoulder and eyed the woman appraisingly. "Whoever owns this place is gonna find out about the theft. You know it's gonna come right back to her."

"And these security cameras." Dil pointed around the ceiling.

"They're right, ya know." I looked back at the young woman.

"I can show you where they store the tapes! Take them! No one will ever know!"

I chuckled, "Well that's not gonna work." My legs extended as I stood, looking down on her. "This entire city is gonna know, sweetie. I'm gonna make sure of it."

"But you said-"

"I said no cops yet. … And I just don't trust that you're not gonna call 'em soon as we leave."

"I promise, I swear-"

I held an open palm over my shoulder and one of the boys placed his gun into it. "Here's the thing…" I pointed the gun at her, my finger curled around the trigger. "I don't believe you."

"NO!"

BAM. The gun jumped, her forehead exploded, and I cackled madly. Frankie came out of the back room and stared down at the body. "We're almost done."

"Good. Leave some guys to finish up. The rest of us are going to stop number 2." I handed the gun back to Dil and walked out from behind the counter. Then I looked up at one of the security cameras, winked, and blew a kiss at the lens. Come find me, fuckers. Let's make this a good one.

We left through the back so the storefront remained locked. Instead of getting back in the vans, we just walked down to the back door of a designer clothing store and busted inside. It was quiet, dark. But voices floated from the storefront. I moved through the racks and boxes to peer into the open space. A few employees. More customers than I would have expected so early. I looked over the guys and gestured to Lu for his weapon. He handed it over without second thought.

I stepped back and nodded my head towards the door. Frankie led the boys out into the bright lights and a woman shrieked. I followed, the M60 pointed upward.

"Alright, ladies and germs." I squeezed the trigger, bullet after bullet embedding into the ceiling. Someone screamed. "This store is closed to the public for a private shopping experience. Everybody out!"

The people ran for the exits as I fired again, eyes dancing. Once everyone was out the boys locked the doors and I started pulling out whatever caught my eye. I tried on a few things over the body suit, prancing around the store. No more than ten minutes passed before sirens were screaming outside. I ignored them and continued my shopping, selecting an entire wardrobe.

Someone shouted over a bullhorn. "We have you surrounded! Come out with your hands up!"

My eyes rolled and I continued to ignore them. After fifteen to twenty minutes I heard Frankie yelling from the front of the shop. "Harley, they're makin' a move!"

"Then take care of 'em!"

Glass shattered. The sound of automatic gunfire filled the air and I picked up a soft pink mini dress. Death, destruction, cute clothes … what a way to finish out a morning!

By the time the gunfight slowed I was nearly done. The store littered with spent casings, cloudy with gunsmoke. Frankie approached, looking around the mess. "Al says there's two big police vans out back."

I nodded, holding a black lace teddy to my body. "Tell him to wait ten minutes and then take care of them."

"You bet." He tapped a message on the screen of his cell.

"You two." I pointed at the closest two guys, and then at the pile of clothing I had gathered. "Pack all this up."

They nodded and went behind the counter for an armful of bags. I loitered in the lingerie area, grabbing a ton more than I intended. Then a massive explosion rocked behind the store.

"That's our cue, fellas!" I called out. "Haul ass!"

We rushed through the back room and outside to see both vans on their sides, giant holes of twisted, charring metal burning away. I looked over and saw Al lowering the RPG-7 and grinned. Then I looked at the guys. "Frankie, pull the car around."

He nodded and rushed through an alleyway toward the street and where we'd parked. I gestured to some of the guys and then the three black vans just down the way. "You six, take all this shit back to the penthouse. Tell one of the housekeepers to organize the second walk-in. J's got too much for us to share his. I want it all put away by the time I get back."

Dil and Lu broke off with four others, the six of them loading up the bags before running to the van at the end and piling inside. Frankie squealed around the corner and sped to meet us.

"As for the rest of you." The car stopped on a dime next to me. "We're goin' to DeBure's."

"Now that's what I'm talking about." Terry grinned.

More sirens approached and I ran around the car to hop over the door. The rest of the guys rushed for the other two vans and we were peeling out in seconds. Two streets down a police car swung behind us, quickly joined by two more.

Frankie took a long circuitous route to the Diamond Exchange, where DeBure's – the most expensive jeweler in town – sat nestled in the heart of it. We just barely all got inside before the police swarmed.

"All employees, out front!" I barked over the shrieking customers. The boys rounded everyone into a group in the center of the store. I spun the mallet in my hands as I walked around the crowd, finally stopping in front of a mid-twenties blond man with a name tag pinned to his shirt. "Is there anyone else here?"

He shook his head and I spun, slamming the mallet through the glass top of one of the cases. An alarm sounded immediately, ringing loud. "Take it all, boys!"

My men spread throughout the store, smashing all the cases and grabbing fistfuls of jewelry. More sirens screamed outside and I put the mallet on my shoulder. I watched the terrified group with a smile. I didn't notice the man I'd talked to looking time and again at the door to the back. But Frankie did. He saw what I didn't.

He launched himself at me, screaming, "HARLEY!"

Then he collided into me, knocking me flat on the ground, his body covering mine just as a gunshot exploded. I saw Jimmy whirl, gun raised, and he fired two shots at the doorway. I tried to shift under Frankie and even though he kept me covered, I was able to glimpse a security guard falling to the ground. Three police officers entered through the same door and my boys jumped into action, shooting until their bodies fell over the guard's.

Frankie rolled off me once it was clear no one else would be coming through the door and I leapt to my feet, enraged eyes turning on the blond man. "You lied to me."

"I didn't – I just – he was-"

I grabbed the man, pulling him so close I could smell the coffee on his breath. With my eyes locked onto his, I spoke to my boys. "Kill them all."

The man's eyes widened, his mouth dropping. "No, please-"

"I don't like liars." I shook my head when Ken raised his pistol to the man's temple. "Oh, no. He's gonna watch."

I spun the man around and used the mallet's handle to press against his throat, his back against my front. He wept when the shooting started again. "I was gonna let you live. Let you all live. This? … This is your fault."

One by one the bodies dropped, their blood intermingling on the floor. I laughed at the carnage. When the last person fell, I pulled the wood harder against his throat. "You should have told me the truth."

He blubbered as I threw him to the ground. I didn't give him the chance to beg for his life. I just raised the mallet over my head and brought it smashing down on his temple. Then again. And again. Until his skull cracked and brain matter splattered under the force of the mallet. When I was done, I turned to face my men. They were staring, amazed at my vehemence.

"Al, tell me you brought the rocket launcher."

He nodded, going over the corner he had propped it up in. I followed, peering out at the many cop cars that lined the street. "Time to go home, boys."

I walked out the door, the mallet hanging by my side dripping blood and brains. Then I smiled wide as a clown and waved cheerily at the officers. "All of you for little ole Harley Quinn?"

"Put your hands up!" Yelled a voice through a megaphone.

I cupped my hand around my ear, leaning forward. "What was that? You need a man's cup? I don't have any jockstraps, sorry."

Al stepped out of the store, RPG-7 on his shoulder. The cops started shouting, running. I laughed when the explosion rocked the street, the heat of it burning on my skin. Then I led the guys to the vans and hopped into the Stingray. Frankie managed to squeeze half on the sidewalk and drove past the fire and screaming police. The vans followed, scraping a couple cars as they passed.

We led the police on a wild goose chase through Gotham. The vans eventually separated, a few cop cars peeling off to follow each one in turn. Frankie careened around corners and down alleys. There was only one car left following us when we passed the abandoned building atop the Toybox. He took a few more sharp curves and turned down another alleyway. But this one had a massive brick wall at the end of it.

"Frankie…"

He sped up and I reached out to smack his arm, "FRANKIE!"

He pulled out his cell and swiped on the screen before pressing his thumb on an app icon. The street in front of the wall broke and lowered into a ramp. We sped down the ramp onto another underground road and he tapped the icon again, the ramp raising to become regular street once more. Then he finally slowed to a normal speed and looked at me with a grin.

"J didn't tell you about this, huh?"

I scowled. "It looks like there's a lot my Puddin' doesn't tell me about."

Frankie laughed and drove through the underground tunnel. Before long we were on another ramp up and the wall at the top slid to the side. I blinked at the drastic change in light as we pulled into J's garage.

"Are you fucking kidding me? A secret entrance?!"

Frankie laughed again and parked, pulling the key from the ignition. "It's come in handy more than once."

The wall was just sliding closed when I jumped out of the car. I noticed the vans were back and followed Frankie to the second elevator, which was disguised as part of the wall. He tapped on his cell and the doors opened. Back we went to floor 72.

The guys were putting away all their guns when we walked into the offices. The loot from the jewelry heist was spilling out of bags on the massive conference table. I turned to Frankie. "The gold is mine. Everything else you and the boys can split."

He grinned, "Thanks, Harley."

"I'll send Ana or Marie down to pick it up when ya got everything sorted, yeah?"

He nodded, gesturing with his phone. "I'll text you when it's ready."

Then I walked through the main door and past the receptionist, who was busily typing on her computer. "Hello again, Miss Quinn."

"You know if Jonny and Mistah J are back yet?"

She glanced at her watch. "You just beat them. They're due back in half an hour."

"You, like, Mistah J's secretary or somethin'?"

She chuckled, "Something like that. I'm more here for show. Keep the busybodies out of things they don't need to know about."

I pursed my lips before nodding. Then I went to the elevator and pressed the button on the wall. It arrived and I walked in, waving to the woman as the doors closed. Once up in the penthouse I went to the second largest bedroom and started for the walk-in closet. Ana walked out, holding an empty hanger.

"Mrs. Harley!" She jumped, the hanger falling from her fingers. Then her eyes widened in fear. "I no done yet."

My hand waved dismissively, "It's fine, Ana."

"They tell me you say-"

"And now I'm saying it's fine."

She stared at me, unmoving. It was irritating. I frowned, "Just … just finish up, will ya? I'll be back later."

I left the bedroom and went to sit in front of the TV with my journal. Damn woman ruining my mood.