Chapter 19

"Light!" L hastily ripped out of Watari's embrace, starting to run, before remembering more people searching would hopefully make this faster, "I know this island the same as Light. His leg is also still messed up, so if we hurry, we can catch up to him."

"What happened to his leg!?" Soichiro shrieked, and L gave a nonchalant gesture,

"Don't worry about that." He took off his backpack and handed it to Watari, "Keep an eye on the cat—yes, she is a pet, and we're keeping her." Then he too took off into the forest, first things first making sure Light wasn't planning to take the raft.

He made it to the hill and saw the raft was still intact. L bit his thumb,

"Alright, where would Light go if he didn't want to be found?" He asked himself, looking around. He heard the task force screaming for Light, and L decided to track, knowing that Light wasn't going to run for very long with his leg.

He then thought of a place that only the residents of the island knew, the task force would never find, and of Light assumed L was going to end up forced to leave, this would be the ideal hiding spot.

He raced to the waterfall, pulling up his pant legs and getting a grip on the slick rocks, hoping not to fall like last time since Light wasn't here to catch him this time around. His breath caught into his throat when he slipped and almost lost his grip. The fall wouldn't kill him, but it would hurt for sure—meaning he wouldn't be able to get back up again.

"Come on, Light, you better be hiding in here," he got out through gritted teeth, wondering where the hell Ryuk was and what that look had meant. He felt uneasy knots in his stomach as he hoisted himself onto the ledge, involuntarily shivering from the cold of having been fighting against the running waterfall. At least being soaked back, it more manageable to slip into the narrow crack allowing him into the cave, where the bioluminescent algae in the small pool were the only source fo illumination, giving the cavern a turquoise glow.

...

"Kid, what are you doing?" Ryuk asked him, "The way you were looking at me..."

"You're going to get bored eventually," Light whispered as he hugged himself, weeping softly, heartbroken and terrified at what he had to do, but knowing it was necessary. He looked down at the Death Note in his hands, "I know that you're going to kill me eventually. It's my time to die, Ryuk, you said so yourself, right? That you would be the one to write my name when it wasn't interesting anymore? At least then, I can destroy the notebook and not find myself lost and unsure of why I stayed."

Ryuk laughed, "Look, Light-o, I'm more of a romantic comedy kind of guy, not a tragedy."

"That's funny considering you're a God of Death."

"I've always been considered a unique type," Ryuk replied, "I'm like the Little Mermaid of Shinigami." That actually managed to get a chuckle out of Light, a little humor before doing what must be done.

"I didn't need that mental image, and yet here we are." He dug into the bag for a charcoal pen, cursing when he couldn't find one, looking down at the gash on his palm from where he had sliced it open accidentally on a rock while climbing into the cave. That would do, he decided, using his own blood to write his name if Ryuk wasn't going to.

"Light!" He looked up and saw L had slipped through the crack and was running towards him halfway through writing his name, and the notebook was shoved away to the other side of the cavern. Ryuk laughed, but Light noticed a sense of relief in this one and not just amusement,

"I told you he'd come looking for you."

...

L had no words, seeing the cut on Light's palm and how his finger was covered in blood, or the Death Note. He saw the notebook, and his first instinct was to pull Light close, soothing him and also preventing him from going for the Death Note.

"Camellia, why... why didn't you talk to me?" He whispered, and Light was tense,

"You—You're supposed to be on your way home!"

"I'm not leaving without you, Light, especially given what I just saw you try to do." He put two fingers under Light's chin, so their eyes met, and he saw Light's were bloodshot. "Talk to me," and he knew he should have seen this, or even expected this, and he felt a weight on his shoulders knowing that Light would be dead if he had gotten here a moment later.

There was silence, before Light's lip quivered and he looked towards the small pool, not wanting to face L as he spoke, "I have to. I know if I stay, Ryuk's eventually going to get bored, and that's assuming I last the winter on my own. I should end my life now and destroy the Death Note," he gestured to a lighter at his side, "So nobody else can use it. Better to die soon after burning the book, so I don't spend my life here alone and losing so much of myself, including my reasons." He turned to look at L, a tear falling down his cheek, "I don't want to die, I'm scared. But it has to be done."

"But why, Light? We've talked, and you didn't show any signs of this."

"That's because I thought I had months to think about this, come up with something else. That being said," Light's voice grew soft, practically a whisper, "I'm not going to stop. Face it, the reason I don't feel that pull like I used to with the notebook isn't that you've changed me, but because there is nobody except the one I need to survive around to kill. When we go back, what if I just turn back into regular naïve psychopathic me? You've had nightmares about it—I know you have. It's better this way."

L knew he was walking a fine line, and Light was clearly in a dark place, but he just felt anger, grabbing Light's shoulders and shaking him a little,

"Light, this doesn't need to end in death! I promise you I will help you stay in control of yourself when we got back, do you doubt me?"

Light only responded with hugging himself a bit, "I'll hurt you... what if I lose myself and... but if I destroy the notebook, I'll forget so much about what brought us together."

"It would be distressing," L smiled softly, "To lose that much of you. I love you Light—even your ugly bits—but I swear if you don't see reason in the next five minutes, I will drag your ass to the plane myself. I'm also locking up the Death Note in a safe in secret until I know you aren't a danger to yourself."

A small, broken chuckle, "Didn't you say back when we first wound up in this mess that if I proved myself a danger to myself and you, you'd ditch me?"

L thought back and realized he had indeed said those words: "And if it did reach a point you are a danger to yourself and me, I can ditch you somewhere."

"The difference between then and now is that I know you, Light. I trust you." Light looked up with a look of outrage and shock,

"You can't just say that when it's definitely going to screw you over! If you think you can trust me because I saved your life? I need you to survive! Yes, I care about you, but who can say with Kira?!"

What had... Something had changed. Had mentioning the errors with the justice system really broken him? No... this was recent, whatever had happened to change him. He knew he would have noticed if Light was so broken if he hadn't been distracted the last two days—and he cursed that fact.

"Light, where is this coming from? It's recent. What makes you think..." Now Light looked up,

"It's not much, just that I've been thinking, and had nightmares about it. But it's true, admit it. We know full well what the difference in Kira and me is, it was seen when I didn't have ownership! The moment I got my hands on the notebook again—"

"You have ownership right now, Light, and are you a homicidal maniac? No." He stood up, "I am tired of the solution to everything being death—and I'm sure you are too. You said you don't want to die, and I see no reason you should." He shoved the Death Note back into the bag, and noticed Ryuk had been watching this interaction intently,

"So we're good now? I would rather nobody die at the moment."

L looked towards where Light was still trying to make himself as small as possible, "Come on, Light," he held out his hand, "Let's go home. And for the record, I am getting you a lot of therapy, and there is nothing you can do about that fact."

"I don't want to go back. Everything is so simple here," Light gestured around the cavern, "And I feel more like myself when I'm free than I ever was in the city. Even if we try, what if societal expectations... and then there's Misa."

"Just because we're going back doesn't mean things are returning to the way they were." L assured, "Didn't we say we would explore the world?" He thought of something, "I'll tell you what. I'm loaded, I can buy the island. We'll try going back into the city and traveling, but if you are miserable, we can come back here and stay. Does that sound okay? We can still visit for the summer, to give you time to relax in case you feel like you're losing yourself."

"You'd... do that?"

"Consider it an early Christmas gift. And I've already got a plan to deal with Rem and Misa." He held out his hand to Light, "I'm sure the others are worried about you." L did a double-take to make sure they had everything. Then, he noticed Light's hand, "What happened?"

"Cut it climbing up here." L bit his thumb, grabbed some rope out of the bag, tied it around both their waists, creeping out of the cavern and looking up, beginning the ascent, confident in his climbing skills to support himself and Light if Light lost his grip momentarily.

With the effort, this took, L knew there was a reason he had wound up with more visible muscle than when they had started. He was still lithe, but less in a scrawny way. Workouts alone in the city were nothing compared to over a month's worth of a fight for survival.

Ryuk was there at the top and helped hoist L and Light up once they made it. Neither had climbed up this high before, and it was the highest point on the island they had seen, noticing the water glimmering with the golden aurora as it was still early morning.

L turned and saw that dawn wash over Light, enhancing his already stunning features. If possible, Light looked more beautiful when he was free and wild, messy hair and the tan which had been lost during confinement and time handcuffed had returned, and those soft brown eyes were not as innocent as they had been before. Still, it felt like there was a real person there now, not someone who had spent his whole life going through the motions.

"You know," L looked out at the terrain they had spent weeks calling home, "I'm actually going to miss this place. Sure, we can come back, but..." he chuckled, "I've had fun here."

"L," he looked and saw Light was smiling a little, but still shaking, "Thank you... for stopping me."

"Of course—and for the record, I was hoping a talk would work, but I was not kidding about the fact I would have dragged you back if that didn't work." They both yelped when Ryuk pulled them both into a group hug,

"We're off on another adventure now! And this time we can get apples! If we're coming back here, you better bring apples and seeds to grow trees here."

L grinned, "I think that can be arranged. Now can you put us down before someone sees?" Ryuk laughed, but he did put them down. L looked to Light,

"Is there anything else you want to talk about before we're attacked by the mother hens of the task force?" Light hesitated,

"I'm still afraid about..."

"We're geniuses," L replied, "We'll think of something outside the box to make sure there is not even a risk." He looked at Light's watch, getting an idea but deciding not to say anything until he was sure it was possible. "Dealing with Misa will be the last time any form of death is the answer for a long time."

"Wait, what are you planning?"

"I mean, we have to get rid of Rem in one way or another so we can arrest Misa, right? Honestly, the idea is so simple that I'm shocked I hadn't thought of it instantly."

"Oh, right. What's the plan?" L winked, putting a finger to his lips,

"Is it going to be interesting if you already know the plan?" He looked to Ryuk, "Do you mind quickly helping us down, Ryuk? It doesn't seem like the others are nearby." Both of them clung to the Shinigami, who quickly flew them down to the ground, and L went about untying the rope around his and Light's waists.

Light shivered, "Can we head back to the house and grab our coats? It's freezing."

"That's because we're both soaked in December. It is a wise choice to grab jackets."

The walk back to the house was a short one, and they went to dig through their bed to find their jackets but were taken aback by Aizawa wandering around their home. When he laid eyes on the two, his eyes widened,

"Light! I see Ryuzaki found you." Light nodded, looking at the floor,

"Yes, he did." Hesitantly, he gestured to the house, "Ryuzaki and I have set up shop here."

"I can see that. This is incredible. You two really built this?" L nodded, even though he had to leave out the detail that Ryuk did most of the work,

"Yes. After all, winter is coming, and we don't want to freeze to death." Aizawa nodded,

"But still, this is incredible. Matsuda's currently guarding the boat—and how did you two find metal?!"

Light laughed a tiny bit, smiling, "It's a long story."

"One that we all want to hear once we're back home." Aizawa looked worriedly towards Light, "Are you okay? You said you wanted to stay."

"It's complicated," Light replied meekly, and L held his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze, "I can come back here... I can go back to the city..."

Both threw on their jackets, and L walked out of the house, still holding Light's hand, "Matsuda, I found him!"

Matsuda ran up the hill, gesturing down to the raft which was on land and had been tied firmly, so it would stay that way, "You two built that thing?!"

"Ryuzaki did most of the work," Light replied, looking around, "Where's..."

"Hang on," Matsuda pulled out a walkie talkie, "Chief! Ryuzaki found Light, we're by that house we spotted."

...

The idea of seeing his father again made Light bite his lip. What would his family think about his relationship with Ryuzaki? And he still felt that he couldn't be trusted. He knew his chances of success had been destroyed the moment L had intervened, so there was no point to not going back with him willingly—he knew the detective well enough to know that even before L had established it, he would have been dragged out.

But he didn't want to die, maybe this was just a pathetic excuse his mind had fabricated to prevent him from doing the right thing. Thoughts of his kill count and Naomi's words made him feel queasy. Perhaps therapy would help... he didn't know, just that he didn't want to leave Ryuzaki. He felt like an ass now, because L's fear of abandonment had been confided in him, and then he went and tried to abandon his friend and lover. But come on, it was better L was a little hurt than dead and betrayed.

This whole thing was a mess he didn't know how to solve, but he was tired of all the death. Maybe there was a way he could still keep his memories but not be dangerous...

All those thoughts were brought to a screeching halt when his father appeared, having clearly run through the forest to find him. Father and son made eye contact for a moment, and Light cringed, feeling awful for what his behavior must have put his Dad through. Of course, all of that could change once his Dad found out about—

He felt a hand cupping his cheek, and tears were pouring down his Dad's face, "Light..." So much love in his tone, that Light broke, hugging him and crying,

"Dad..." Both began crying, holding each other close, not wanting to let go.

"I was so worried about you and that I'd never see you again."

"I'm sorry, Dad, I'm sorry I fled!"

His father's voice was soothing and hushed, "What's troubling you that would make you want to stay here alone?" He couldn't speak the whole truth, and that brought even further guilt, but he might as well rip off the bandaid now.

"I—I'm afraid of what you'll think of me. Ryuzaki and I..." he took deep breaths, looking towards L, who was giving him a reassuring smile, and Ryuk gave an enthusiastic thumbs-up, "We're together, Dad. I... I know I'm not the son you wanted. I'm... gay, Dad." He hunched, waiting for the response.

The one he got was not what he expected, to be pulled closer,

"Oh, Light, I've suspected for months that this was the case and that you and Ryuzaki would end up as more than friends." He smiled, "All that matters to me, especially given recent events, is that you're safe and happy."

"You're not upset?"

"Not at all, Light." Then his Dad glared at Ryuzaki, "You and I though, are going to be having a serious talk if you're going to be more than friendly with my child."

It was so... it wasn't what Light expected, but knowing that he was accepted made this whole coming home idea a lot easier to do. He hugged his Dad again, love and acceptance making him happy despite the guilt and dark thoughts plaguing the back of his mind.

Mogi cut in, "I'm sorry for ruining the moment, but is nobody going to mention Kira is active again, and we need L's help to solve the case?"

Light and L both instantly knew it was Misa, but they both put on a show of acting shocked, "What?!"

And Light knew he had to clean up the mess he had made with her, "Well, you could have just started with that! We need to head back!" He broke the embrace with his Dad, turning to Ryuzaki, who nodded.

They all started heading back, and Light lingered back with Ryuzaki, needing a little support since his leg was acting up a bit, but he didn't want anyone to know. "Of course, Misa was an idiot. Hopefully, we can deal with this quickly, and then... how do you feel about attempting an actual relationship with dates and such, Ryuzaki?"

There was a moment's silence before L spoke, "L."

"What?"

"That's my real name. L Lawliet. And I would like the idea of 'dates and such.'"

The realization L just trusted him with his full name hit him like a ton of bricks, but in a positive way. Ryu—L trusted him with his real name, something he hadn't trusted anyone else with. It brought ease and a sense of self, determined even more now to make sure he didn't fall back onto the notebook, and prove that L wasn't mistaken to entrust him with this closely guarded secret.

"Alright, then, L." He grinned, looking towards Ryuk, this time with hope instead of despair in his expression, "Let's go home."