The last few weeks had gone by in a blur.
We'd gotten two cases so back-to-back there was barely time to breathe in between. Hell, we hadn't even returned from the first one before we were flying to the second. In fact, the team was just getting ready to jump into a third, but unfortunately I wasn't tagging along.
Hotch seemed to think that finishing my education was more important than catching serial killers (a point we were still arguing over), and since I'd missed my lab the last few Monday's, he was all but insisting I at least attended classes in person for a couple of days. Part of me was pretty convinced he just wanted me to take a little more time away after the chaos we'd all just been dragged through. He'd been moments away from dragging me to the car and driving me back to school himself, so I'd relented and was now spending the week moping around the University.
Honestly, I wasn't sure what was more exhausting: flying around the country chasing psychopathic murderers or trying to comprehend rotational dynamics. Currently, General Physics was kicking my ass once again.
Why do I even need this stupid class? I groaned to myself, staring uncomprehendingly at the textbook in front of me. My next class of the day, Atmosphere and Weather, made total sense for my Environmental Science minor – the necessary notch in my academic belt for meteorology. Physics, though? Physics? I mean, yes, I got it. Physics and weather did end up hand-in-hand a lot. Was a whole class on it really necessary though?!
Someone nudged my arm and I nearly shot right off my stool. Instantly Nate withdrew his hand and said quickly, "sorry, sorry! I just wanted to see if you'd worked out anything on the question –"
"No, you're fine," I assured in a very unconvincing voice, hand fluttering to my chest as I caught my breath. My poor lab partner continued to stare at me with barely-veiled alarm as I quickly turned back to my notes. "Um… Right. Let's see. Two cylinders of the same mass and shape, one hollow and one solid, are set on an incline and allowed to roll down. Which cylinder will reach the bottom of the incline first, and why?"
As he'd been doing, Nate grabbed our cylinders, held them at the top of the small ramp, and let them go. The solid one reached the bottom first by just a few moments.
"Why'd that happen?" Nate asked me hopefully, pointing to the still-rolling cylinder. I opened my mouth to answer and he said quickly, "Professor Martin already said we can't just say because it's heavier."
Pressing my lips together, I sighed and admitted, "well, that was the best answer I had."
"Yeah. Same. This stuff is like a whole 'nother language. Who the hell would understand this?!"
Dr. Spencer Reid would, I replied silently, surprisingly close to actually voicing my thoughts. For at least the hundredth time today, I wished he was here with me. I mean, just because he would've had this lab done in under twenty minutes. Not because I missed him.
Okay. Maybe I missed him.
How dumb was that? It'd been less than twenty-four hours since I'd last seen him, and already I was eager to get back to Quantico so we could continue our language lessons. Realizing that unlike him, I didn't absorb and permanently remember everything we'd spoken to each other, he'd actually brought in a book in Russian for me to look through.
"Just to help get you familiar with what the words sound like when they're spoken. It's what helped me pick it up quickly," he'd enthused last Wednesday, holding the book out eagerly to me, nearly bouncing on the balls of his feet. As luck had had it, we'd then shipped off for our non-stop cases, and the two of us had gotten to spend almost all our flight time reading through the Russian version of Pride and Prejudice. He'd insisted it was one of the easier books to read through in Russian.
I was still not convinced of that.
After Nate and I read through the question two more times – and even asked the Professor to help explain what we were trying to do – we were both slumped on the table defeated. Nate was face-down on his notes, mumbling something about quadratic formulas. I honestly didn't know whether that even applied or not, but at least he was doing something math-ish.
To: Reid
I need help. Can I call you really quick?
Not even a minute later, Spencer "I absolutely hate texting and cell phones" Reid had replied.
Yes, of course.
Butterflies fluttering wildly in my stomach at his sweet answer, I hopped up and patted the table. Nate hmm'd, but he didn't look up. Poor guy. "I'm running to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
With another grunt from my lab partner, I scuttled out of the classroom, hitting call as soon as I was through the door. Reid answered before the first ring was over.
"Is everything alright?" the concern in his voice caught me off guard, and to say I nearly melted on the spot wasn't an understatement.
"With me? Yes. With my physics lab, no." The laugh on the other end of the phone sent warmth tingling through me. I could picture him at his desk – probably hunched over a book or a file – ducking his head as his entire face lit up with his smile. "It's really hard, okay?! Not all of us are certified geniuses."
Reid giggled at that and cleared his throat. "I'm sorry. I'm not laughing at you. Mostly."
"You better not be," I warned playfully, and paused when I heard Emily and JJ in the background. I'd totally forgot the team was working! "Oh, crap. I'm sorry! Is this a bad time? Are you guys busy with a case?"
"No, not at all. We're actually just wrapping up. It was pretty open and shut, and they barely needed us," he dismissed instantly, and then prompted, "what are you doing in class?"
"Um…" I stalled, only just then realizing I'd left the book in the classroom. "It's… well, it's my lab. I don't know the exact problem but it's something about two cylinders that –"
"One's hollow, one's solid, and you've got to explain why one reaches the ground first when rolled down a ramp at the same time?"
"It's – yes, actually. How did you know that?!"
Reid didn't laugh, but I could hear the smile in his voice as he said simply, "it's a common physics question in regards to the law of conservation of energy. I mean, there are plenty of variations of the same problem, but the two cylinders is the one most utilized in college labs as it's easiest to test out."
"You're seriously the most amazing person I know," I told him before I could realize how mushy that had to sound. The surprised silence on the other end snapped me back to reality and I said quickly, "just, because, I mean – you know what I'm talking about even when I don't. That's pretty cool, you know?"
"I… yes, I do. Thank – um, thank you. That's really kind of you to say," he stammered. I was so glad he couldn't see me through the phone. "What have you figured out so far? I don't want to do your lab for you, you know."
"Trust me, you're more than welcome to," I sighed. As he chuckled in sympathy, I rolled my eyes up and explained, "we know the solid one reaches the bottom first. I just… my textbook doesn't make any sense with how to explain the difference. I mean, the potential energy for both cylinders is the same at the top of the ramp, because their masses are the same, right?"
"That's right," he agreed; just like last week, the flutter in my chest at his praise just did things to me and I was eager to hear it again.
"So then at the end of the movement the potential energy would still be the same, which means the kinetic energy they acquire should be the same too, right?"
I heard Reid shifting on the other end; was he digging for something? It honestly wouldn't surprise me if he had a book on physics with him. And, sure enough, I heard the shffing of pages a moment later. "Overall that's correct. However, remember that kinetic energy of rotation would be different for the cylinders. Where does that get you?"
For a few moments, I was quiet as I let his words sink in. I could feel the gears in my mind whirring to life, but I couldn't connect the pieces I needed to. Why didn't it just click for me? I felt so dumb. Even after his tutoring session and weeks in this class I didn't get most of what I was trying to do. What I wouldn't give to be as easily brilliant as Reid…
"You know this. I know you do," he encouraged unexpectedly. His words slammed into my self-doubt and for a moment my mind went blank with surprise. "You're overthinking it. The answer's much simpler than it seems. Look at it as if you were profiling a crime scene. What does your first instinct tell you? What naturally comes to mind?"
"Well…" I took a breath and ran his words back through my mind. "I mean, the mass distribution would be close to the surface on the hollow cylinder and more particles are moving with greater speed on a greater radius."
"And?"
"And… that'd make the angular speed of rotation smaller, meaning the hollow is slower."
He gave a laugh and told me, "see? You knew it. You figured that out in moments."
"Wait. It's – that's the answer? It's seriously that simple?!"
Reid hummed in agreement, and there was soft honesty in his voice as he told me, "you were just overthinking it. You have a bad habit of doubting yourself. Even when you know you're right, you talk yourself out of your answer. You're incredibly smart, Aria. Have confidence in what you know, because so far your instincts have always been right."
How I managed not to spontaneously combust, I'll never know. My cheeks were burning and the grin on my face was so wide it was actually painful. I barely held back the giddy giggle that bubbled up in me, and for a few moments I had nothing to say. Forget being called beautiful or funny or sweet. Forget all the other praises out there. I'd much rather be called smart by Dr. Spencer Reid any day of the week.
"You… wow. That's honestly the best compliment I've ever received," I finally managed. I could practically hear Penelope sing-songing your crush is showing! She definitely wouldn't be wrong. "I'm officially petitioning Hotch to give you some time off so you can come teach my class. Or just re-write this stupid textbook."
Reid laughed as he asked me, "what textbook is your professor using for your lab studies?"
"I'll have to get the name later. I don't have it with me. But it's got a picture of a water droplet on the front –"
"Physics for Scientists and Engineers. I'm familiar," he scoffed, the distaste in his words nearly tangible. Of course he knows the book I have when I don't even know. "I'm not surprised this hasn't been helpful in your comprehension of the subject."
"Are you disagreeing with my professor's choice in learning material?" I laughed, grinning more when he heatedly replied,
"I am. It's certainly not the book I would use to teach introductory physics. It'd be much more beneficial for you to read General Physics: An Elementary Textbook for Colleges. It's a much more palatable read and breaks down the processes and logic behind the questions in a simple and straightforward way."
The passion in his voice was equal parts endearing and attractive. Hearing someone get worked up over what physics book was best was definitely not something I thought I'd ever find appealing in anyone, but Spencer Reid was always one to surprise me like that. Hell, I'd never found sweater vests enticing until the genius doctor insisted on wearing them like it was his professional job to look attractive in them.
"Seeing as you just explained this lab to me in under five minutes, I'm taking your word for it," I assured him as I made my way back towards the classroom.
"I've got a copy I can bring you," he offered instantly, getting my heart to do a somersault and widening my near-permanent grin. He paused, and then lowered his voice a bit to ask, "will – um, we're going to be back tonight. Are you going to be here tomorrow?"
Did he want me there? Did he miss me as much as I missed him? Maybe I was still over-analyzing last week's study session. I mean, if my alarm hadn't gone off, was… would he have kissed me? Because I definitely thought that was a near-kiss. That had to be an almost kiss, right? Which meant he liked me. Which meant maybe he felt as stupidly giddy and smitten with me as I felt for him… which is why I hated to burst his bubble.
"I wish. Hotch wants me at classes for a couple days. He said I can come back Thursday, as long as another case doesn't start before then, though."
"Oh," he sighed, sounding as dejected as I felt. I really hoped I wasn't the only one crushing between the two of us. I really, really hoped not, and conversations like this made me actually feel like I might have somewhat of a chance with the handsome doctor. "Well, then the book will be waiting for you on your desk. And, um, if you need anything else just give me a call. I promise I won't be too busy for you."
He won't be too busy for me.
"I appreciate you, you know that?" I told him, pausing outside the door. "I gotta get back and go finish this lab. But I'll talk to you later, alright?"
"Yeah, of course. Have a good rest of your day, Aria. I'll see you soon."
"See you, Scruffy," I teased, hoping the dumb little nickname I'd given him made him smile as much as he made mesmile.
Honestly, though, there was no way I could ever beat him at this game. The guy could get me grinning over physics and statistics on the decline of the coal industry since the 1890's. My crush definitely showed, and I was really hoping one day Reid would see it.
My fingers drummed impatiently against my thigh as I watched for my food with bated breath. Again, I checked my watch and then looked back to the woman slowly but surely piling my food into the box. The only time service ran slow was when I tried to fit a lunch run between classes.
It really was just my kind of luck.
My phone buzzed again – JJ confirming my appearance at the monthly girl's night – and I quickly typed back before checking my other conversation. Reid still hadn't answered, but knowing him, he was passed out on the couch of the jet, a book lying open on his chest. The thought of him dozing got me smiling again and I nearly missed my name being called.
"Order for Aria?" the woman repeated, and I threw my hand up like I was answering role call in class. You're a dork, I snorted to myself, giving the woman a smile as I approached. Before I could reach the counter, someone else bumped against me just as another worker sat a second bag down and called,
"Order for Connor!"
"That's me," the last person I wanted to see announced at my shoulder, reaching out to take his food. My head snapped up and I instantly took a startled step away from him as he met my alarmed stare. "Fancy running into you here, sugar."
For several long, aching heartbeats, all I did was stare up at him in a mix of fury and panic. Instead of my normal fight-or-flight, I was just stuck like a deer in headlights, gaping up at Connor, desperately trying to figure out my next move.
The Aria that'd been stupid enough to date him wanted to flat-out sprint for the door, not stopping until I made it to my dorm. The old Aria, the one from the parking lot a few weeks ago, was seconds away from grabbing one of the forks out of the utensil holder and jamming it into his neck.
Realizing neither of those options were acceptable, all I managed was a very pathetic, "what – why are you here?!"
Connor raised a bemused brow as he held up the bag of food. "Aren't you supposed to be super smart and clever to be a behavioral analyst?"
Old Aria kicked into gear and my angry defenses shot up. "How the hell do you know what department I'm in?"
"Please. Your mom is such a gossip –"
"I never told my parents what department I'm in," I snapped. It wasn't really a lie – dad had already known my team was the BAU – but if I was right, Connor wouldn't know that. He could either defend himself and maybe there'd be some credibility to his excuse, or he could backtrack and confirm my theory.
"Well, again, it's not hard to use Google. I'm not in the FBI but I'm not stupid, Aria."
"Debatable," I bit out before I could stop myself. The flicker of anger that lit up behind his eyes was more satisfying than I'd expected. He'd backtracked; he'd lied. He hadn't found out anything from my parents. He'd been looking me up. Stalking me. "You have thirty seconds to get the hell away from me or I'm calling the police."
"What, because I'm getting sweet and sour chicken?" he laughed as he pointedly shook his bag again. Shit. He had a point. Instead of answering, I snatched my own off the counter and stalked for the door.
I heard Connor behind me and picked up the pace, nearly running down the sidewalk and making a beeline to my next class. Just as I reached the building and moved to open the door, a hand grabbed my elbow. Fingers dug into my skin tight enough to get a wince from me as I was pulled back nearly three whole steps.
I am not helpless. I am not his victim, I told myself the instant I felt the fear begin to take over. I wasn't scared and unprepared. Morgan had taught me what to do. I knew how to defend myself.
Break the hold, I heard him telling me. I spun on my heel and wrenched my arm up and back, ripping my arm out of Connor's hand. He was so caught off guard all he did was stare at me. In fact, the other kids – and a professor – just stood and watched the interaction. Was no one gonna step in? Hadn't they seen him grab me? Couldn't they tell how uncomfortable I was?
Don't worry about them. Worry about yourself. Distance yourself before you can get grabbed again. The bag of food fell to the ground as I surged forward and slammed my hands into his chest. Connor stumbled back and hit the side of the building hard enough to get the breath knocked out of him.
"Don't ever put your hands on me ever again," I snarled, bracing myself as he pushed off the wall. He gave me a bewildered look and slowly stepped towards me, reaching out. "Connor I swear –"
"Aria, jesus, can you calm down for half a second?! I'm just trying to give you your receipt!"
He turned his hand over and, sure enough, a receipt unraveled; he shook it pointedly and raised his brows. I didn't miss the looks from the others still watching the altercation. The professor had skirted past us into the building wordlessly, and the group of girls gathered a few feet away continued down the sidewalk. One of the guys off to the side stepped up to us, but instead of looking at me, he rested a hand on Connor's shoulder and asked,
"You good, man?"
With hardly doing anything, Connor had made me out to be the crazy one. I'd played right into his stupid game without even realizing it. He'd learned from last time and he'd been prepared for my anger. And this time, he'd managed to use it against me.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm alright, thanks," Connor assured with faked, timid smile. The guy nodded, gave me a parting frown, and reluctantly left us alone.
That was kind of an overreaction, my obnoxiously-persistent self-doubt nagged. I mean, I was on edge – and rightfully so – but had he really just been trying to give me my receipt? Did it matter? He'd grabbed me with no warning, and given the history with him –
So far he's given you no reason to be this hostile. It was a little over-the-top, I argued back at myself. As I tried to push my own thoughts aside, I saw Connor studying me. He knew exactly what I was doing, and why I was doing it. I wasn't letting him enjoy me getting into my head because of him.
Silently, without taking the receipt, I stooped and grabbed my food, stalking past him into the building. My autopilot kicked in, and before I knew it I was in my usual seat of the lecture hall, already unpacking my bag. My body had just kicked in and took me where I needed to go. Though I was glad I'd managed to at least route myself somewhere productive in my post-Connor-Showdown-Panic, class was the last thing on my mind.
Honestly, the team was at the front of my thoughts. I had admittedly been beating around the bush in telling them about Connor. It's not that I'd forgotten the promise I made all those weeks ago, back before the god-forsaken Florida case. To be fair, we'd been pretty swamped since then. The chili (I shuddered again), Penelope and Fake Chris, and now three cases in a row… it hadn't felt like the right time to say anything.
Yeah, okay. That was a cop out too. I could've said something. Hell, I should've said something by now. I knew better than this. I was taking the profiling classes, I was witnessing UnSubs face-to-face, I read the reports. I knew how bad things could get with Connor…
As much as I wanted to pretend I'd stayed quiet because I could handle Connor myself, I knew that wasn't true. I couldn't even lie to myself on that. Sure, I'd told him off in the parking lot, but clearly that hadn't stuck with him. No, it was the fear of rejection I just couldn't will myself to get past.
It was my own Uncle taking Connor's side despite the hand-shaped bruises on my neck. It was my own parents insisting I'd overreacted and refusing to press charges because they didn't want to ruin Connor's reputation. It was my friends at school siding with Connor and shunning me the rest of high school because there was just no way they could believe he'd just act without reason.
He wouldn't hurt you unprovoked. It's not just one-sided, you must've done something to bring it on.
The excused for Connor never stopped, and the belief in my side of things had never started. It had been one thing, coming from mom, dad, Uncle Randy… people I'd grown used to being disappointed by. People that I really couldn't care one way or the other what they thought of me.
Penelope was already behind me, that was true. But the others… How would it feel to have Morgan, Em, and JJ doubt me? To have Hotch and Rossi insist I was just overreacting? To have Reid look me in the eyes and tell me I'd deserved what Connor put me through?
How could I ask any of them to take my side, to support me, or to even believe me when I didn't even believe myself? I couldn't handle the thought of their rejection, and I wouldn't have to handle it if I didn't say anything.
By the time class was over, I somehow felt worse than before. Slowly, I gathered the notebook I hadn't even used and grabbed my long-forgotten bag of lunch. As I trudged out of the lecture hall, I dug through the bag with a frown on my face. Dropping it had popped the box open, and all the veggies and chicken had glumped into the bottom in an unappetizing pile.
Fine. Just the fortune cookie for me, I grumbled, shifting the box aside to look for it. As I did so, a white bundle beneath the veggies caught my attention. I stepped aside on the sidewalk and fished out the questionable soggy lump. As I shook it out, realization slammed into me and I sucked in a breath.
My receipt.
My receipt had been in my bag the whole time. Connor hadn't been just trying to give me my receipt. It'd just been more gaslighting, more lies and manipulation to get under my skin. He'd just thrown something out to make me look like an idiot, like he always did.
You have a bad habit of doubting yourself. Even when you know you're right, you talk yourself out of your answer.
Reid's words from this morning filtered in and pushed away the little bit of lingering skepticism Connor had brought up. I hadn't been crazy. I hadn't been overreacting. I had been perfectly justified, and once again Connor had twisted it around to make me doubt myself. Angry tears pricked my eyes as I threw the bag away and stormed down the sidewalk. I was furious, and I had no idea what to do about it.
Should've stabbed him with the fork, I lamented, jogging across the street heading for my dorm. I had no idea what I was gonna do. Change and go for a run around the campus, keep myself in shape for Hotch's ridiculous exercise regime? Or did I want to drive to Walmart, buy a gallon of ice cream, and down it in the parking lot as I cried and listened to My Chemical Romance on repeat?
At this point I was ready to swing either way.
Irritably I badged into the dorm building and took the stairs two at a time to the third floor. Still grumbling to myself, I moved to pull the door to my hall open when I looked through the window.
Connor was leaning against the wall beside my room, arms crossed, watching the students that walked past. There were no windows in the lobby or the stairwell, so there was no way he could've seen what floor I went to the other night.
Somehow, though, he knew exactly where my room was, and now he was waiting for me. He had found exactly where I lived, and now he was waiting for me. He wasn't here for work, he wasn't just happening across me or running into me by coincidence.
Connor was stalking me, and I had to do something about it.
Most of the cars were gone from the parking garage by the time I pulled into Quantico. We all had a habit of parking near the south entrance on the second level of the garage. It was easier to figure out who was here or not if we all parked close by, and tonight the only car I recognized from our usual lot was Hotch's sedan.
Right now, that was all I needed.
As I hurried to the entrance, I wiped off my tear-stained cheeks and tried to make myself look like I hadn't been crying for the last twenty miles. I was, unfortunately, an angry crier, and I got more tearful with rage than I did with sadness most of the time. Connor was never an exception to that.
Thankfully, the lobby was mostly empty so I didn't have to try and look put together just yet. I reached for the button but before I could press it, Connor's words from the week before rose up in my mind.
Can you prove it? Really? Would any of your empty accusations really hold up in court?
My hand hovered, outstretched, just a breath away from the button.
I'm here on business. I've got all the paperwork I need to prove that if anyone were to come asking about it.
Again, I hated to admit it, but Connor was clever. If he was still in town, still bothering me without any concern to what I'd threatened just the other week, it meant he was confident in what he said.
But… being here for work didn't excuse showing up on my campus. It didn't excuse waiting outside my room. It stilldidn't excuse how he even knew where to find me or what department I worked in.
What if he has excuses for that? I worried just as I let my finger rest against the elevator button; I hesitated again. He was ready with the receipt to make me look crazy. Last time, he was ready with the tears and sob story to win over my own family.
No matter what seemed to happen, no matter how certain I was that I was valid in my concerns or that he was the bad guy in this, it always got turned around onto me. Even just today, he'd gotten sympathy from strangers with hardly saying a word. And now, even knowing he was way out of line, knowing that he had no valid reason to be anywhere near me, he'd managed to plant that doubt inside me again that had me questioning my own thoughts. That's what had always terrified me the most, to be honest.
It wasn't the fear of him hurting me physically. The fact that Connor could get inside my mind and turn me against myself was frightening, and it hurt me more than any time he'd laid his hands on me. There was no way to describe the panic and helplessness of seeing my own certainties shift to doubt after I'd been so sure of myself. Because even when I knew what he was doing, he still managed to turn everyone – myself included – against me.
Slowly, my hand pulled away and curled to my chest as I took a step back. Tears of frustration pricked at my eyes. I felt powerless against him, and I'd never wanted to feel that way with Connor ever again. I just… I couldn't go to Hotch like this.
If Connor had been ready with the stupid receipt excuse, what did he have planned now? All he'd been doing was standing in my hall. Why had that sent me thirty miles to my boss at what was nearly midnight?
I was walking back towards the parking garage before I could stop myself. Tears fell down my cheeks and I angrily wiped them away. I was so damn stupid! I knew Connor was out of line, I knew I needed to tell someone, I was right fucking here and I couldn't even do it –
"Aria?"
I hadn't even heard Reid come into the lobby. Barely stifling a scream, I gasped and spun on the spot to stare across at him wide-eyed. The doors of the elevator slid shut behind him as he started towards me, smile on his face.
"I thought you weren't coming back until Thursday. And it's –" he twisted his arm around to glance at his watch. "It's 11:30. Why are you –"
He was close enough now to see my face clearly, and his words cut off in surprise as he blinked rapidly, taking in my expression. Red, sore eyes, tear-stained cheeks, the look of a lost puppy staring helplessly up at him…
"Um, hi," was all I managed, my voice raw and rough, breaking on just that simple greeting. He crossed the rest of the lobby in all of three long strides and was at my side in the next moment.
"What's wrong? Are you okay?" he asked quickly. My mind flew into self-defense, and I automatically started to think of excuses. Just had a long day at school. That physics lab really kicked my ass. I paid fifteen dollars for my lunch and had to throw it away – Reid's hand settled on my arm and he added softly, "please don't lie to me."
The excuses fizzled out, the soft touch instantly calming the waves of panic and frustration rushing over me. As I stared up at him, willing myself to get the courage to just tell him the truth, his hand slowly shifted a little further up my arm. As his brows furrowed, I followed his gaze and watched as his fingers gently pushed the sleeve of my cardigan up past my elbow. I hadn't even noticed the marks, but Reid had. Of course he had.
A handful of small bruises dappled my skin, and a few faded scratches cut across them. Reid's fingers skimmed over the marks slowly before trailing down my arm. His hand tangled with my own, and when he squeezed gently I met his gaze again.
"Let me help you, Aria. Please."
It wasn't just an offer, it was a plea. Reid was begging me to open up to him and once again his words rose up. Have confidence in what you know, because so far your instincts have always been right. I had no idea if he would believe me, if I even believed myself right now, but I did at least know one thing.
I didn't want to be alone in this anymore.
Whether he believed me, or doubted me, or whatever, I just needed someone else to know. I needed someone else to share the insurmountable weight of helplessness and fear and self-hatred that Connor had piled onto my shoulders.
I took a deep breath as I held his stare, looking for any sign – either from him or from some spiritual entity – that I should just stay quiet. The only thing I saw was Reid's genuine concern. I took a breath.
"Do… do you remember, when I first joined the team, you and I talked a bit about my family?"
He nodded instantly. "Before the case in Cherry Creek."
"Yeah," I confirmed, giving a breathy chuckle. Of course he remembered. "I um, I didn't go into a lot of detail, but I think I mentioned my ex."
Reid nodded slowly but when the words sunk in his frown darkened even more. His troubled gaze flicked back to the marks on my arm and his hand tightened in mine.
"He's who's been calling you," he guessed, and when I nodded his eyes narrowed just a hint. He was going back through the last few months, back through all the times he'd caught me looking panicked and upset. "This… he's been doing this since October?"
"Since, um, since the kidnapping case. With Katie Jacobs."
Reid's eyes widened. "Since – that was the end of September. Almost four months."
Again, all I could do was nod. Between the expression on his face and the incredulous tone of his voice, I couldn't figure out what he was thinking. He sounded mad, almost disbelieving. Was he upset I was blubbering about this at nearly midnight, after he'd just gotten back from a case? I knew this had been a bad idea.
"It's – it's just been phone calls and texts," I tried to downplay quickly; Reid shook his head.
"Something's changed. You were handling the calls but now something else has happened that prompted you to come to a place you feel safe, looking for help," he profiled. I still couldn't decipher the expression on his face, and as he spoke his voice just got more and more clipped. When I didn't start talking he prompted, "Aria."
"He… showed up at my school, and I just – I panicked. I don't – I don't know what happened. I saw him outside my room and I just, I came here," I rushed out; Reid's jaw ticked and I recognized the look that flitted over his face. Instantly I went to pull my hand away. "You're angry"
He re-tangled our fingers before I could fully let go of his hand, and he kept his gentle-but-firm hold in place. "I am. I'm angry because he's been harassing you for months to the point you no longer feel safe. I'm angry that he hurt you, and that he's made you feel like you couldn't tell me – um, the team – that this was happening."
"You… that's why you're mad?" I whispered incredulously. Reid nodded sharply, but when he took in the disbelief in my eyes his face softened. Again, he understood what I was trying to say without me even needing to say it.
"Aria, I'm not upset with you. I'm upset that he's made you feel this frightened and that you've clearly felt you couldn't come to any of us about this sooner. I'm just… I'm upset that I couldn't help you with this months ago to keep it from getting this far."
"You believe me," I said slowly. He nodded instantly, his hand tightening securely around my own in silent reassurance as he studied my face once again. He was profiling me, reading into what I was still trying to hold back.
"I believe you. Other people haven't before. They weren't there when you needed them," he guessed, getting a tight-lipped nod from me. "I'm here. I told you I'd help if you'd let me, and I meant it."
Reid looked alarmed when I pulled my hand swiftly out of his, but before he could worry that he'd done something wrong I stepped closer and slid my arms around his waist. Laundry. Leather. Warmth. Safety. The soft, soothing scents wreathed around me as Reid's arms did the same, hugging me tight to him, not even tensing at my touch this time. My hands tangled into his sweater vest as my face buried against his chest.
There was so much I wanted to say to him. So many things I needed him to know. About how thankful I was, how much I appreciated him, how relieved just those three words had made me feel.
I believe you.
No one had told me that before about Connor and Reid had said it without hesitation.
Reid knew, because again of course he did. When we finally pulled back, before separating completely he linked our fingers again. Wordlessly, he turned and gently led me after him towards the elevator.
He didn't let go of me the whole way up to our floor. He didn't let go as he led me through the glass doors, and he didn't even let go as we approached Hotch's office. I hesitated at the top of the ramp and he paused to look back at me.
Trust me, he asked, those soft, caramel eyes holding unwavering reassurance. I gave him a small, nervous nod and he stepped forward into the office with him. He finally let go of my hand, and rested his hand gently against my lower back to nudge me forward.
Hotch didn't look up as we entered, nor as I slowly inched closer. He was again buried nose-deep in stacks of paperwork, and I had no doubt he planned to be there all night. I shuffled meekly towards his desk, and halfway through he finally caught the movement.
At first he offered a small smile, brows raising in question as to why I was creeping towards him as awkwardly as I was. When he studied my face for another couple of moments, though, the smile faded and he sat up a little straighter. His eyes flicked briefly over my shoulder to Reid, and then settled on me again.
"Aria?" he asked, setting the file in his hand aside and leaning forward on his desk. "I thought you were at school until Thursday. Is everything alright?"
You can do this. Hotch will believe you, I promised myself as I took a deep breath. My fingers were tangled together so tightly I was starting to lose feeling in a few. I really wished I still had Reid's hand. Finally having reached the seat at his desk, I sank down as I asked him quietly,
"Um… you – you were a prosecutor before you joined the BAU, right?" He gave a slow nod, the look of focused concern not wavering. "I… um, if I didn't feel safe, what could I do?"
Slowly, painfully slowly, Hotch lowered the folder he'd been holding down onto the desk and he leaned forward, clasping his hands together. His dark eyes flicked between my own as he ran over what he wanted to say.
"Is it someone or something making you feel unsafe?"
"Someone," I whispered; Hotch took a deep breath.
"The best place to begin would be requesting an emergency protective order. It's effective for seventy-two hours. After that, you'd have to request a preliminary protective order." As I nodded slowly, my fingers tangled so tightly into my skirt I was sure I'd rip it in a few moments, he asked quietly, "who's making you feel this way, Aria?"
I tried really, really hard not to cry. I already felt dumb enough, scuttling into my boss's office at nearly midnight because I was too scared to go home. The last thing I wanted to do was cry, but it seemed my body wasn't getting the message.
And then suddenly Reid was at my side. He'd taken the other seat at Hotch's desk, and when I looked over he gave me a small, reassuring smile. Let us help you. I gave him a small nod as I looked back to Hotch.
"I um – there's – I have this…" I took a shaky breath, and a tear ran down my cheeks as I finally said out loud, "my ex has been stalking me and I-I'm scared. He found my school and he knows I'm with the BAU and he knows where I sleep and I – I don't know what to do, Hotch."
The sob that left me was nothing short of pathetic and I dropped my chin to my chest as more tears fell into my lap. Reid's hand settled on my leg to give me instant comfort, and a heartbeat later a pair of shiny black dress shoes appeared in my line of vision. Hotch sank to a knee in front of me.
He didn't say a word as he leaned forward and pulled me into a tight, secure hug. He tucked me into his chest just like Reid had, and held me just as securely as my arms instantly wrapped around him in return. One of his hands ran up and down my back, and the other smoothed down my hair.
Somehow, Hotch had managed to maneuver us up and over to the couch against the far wall. As we settled on the cushions, Reid stood uncertainly and tightened his hands nervously around the strap of his bag.
"Do you want me to go?"
"No," I said instantly, shaking my head until I remembered the time. I glanced at the clock on the far wall and grimaced. "I mean. You probably should. It's past midnight –"
"I don't mind," he assured, already sinking onto the couch beside me; his hand settled over my own resting on the couch. Giving him a small smile, I turned back to look up at Hotch. He'd kept an arm around my shoulders for comfort and I leaned into his hold a bit as he asked,
"When did this start happening?"
With Reid's help, we walked Hotch through the timeline of Connor's calls and texts. I was thoroughly surprised (and a little pleased, to be honest) that Reid had taken note of all he had. He'd noticed every day that I'd appeared upset or not quite myself, and most of them lined up with Connor.
"You say this started shortly after the case in Denver. Do you remember seeing him during our time there?"
"No," I assured, and then answered his next question before he could ask. "My parents probably told him they saw me. I mean, they love him more than me without a doubt, and I know Aubri and Rhett wouldn't have talked to him."
Hotch nodded slowly, processing what I'd said before he continued on.
"It's clear that there's been emotional and verbal abuse from him, but has he ever gotten physical with you?" Reid felt me tense under his touch, and his hand tightened over mine. I didn't need to speak for Hotch to get my answer, and his frown got impossibly deeper. "Your parents would still talk to him about you after he abused you?"
A heavy, cold lump settled in my throat and I swallowed hard, dropping my eyes to my lap. Reid's thumb began a smooth, swirling pattern over my hand and my wrist, comforting me softly and encouraging me on. "They… they didn't believe me. I had to call the police when he –" my words caught and I took a shaky breath. "My Uncle called me a liar and my parents didn't even press charges. Everyone just acted like it never happened –"
"That's not happening this time." Hotch's solemn words settled over me and I looked up at him instantly, speechless. He nodded to Reid and said, "the team is with you, and I promise you his harassment isn't going to be excused. We won't let anything happen to you."
"We're here with you," Reid reminded me again, thumb continuing to brush over the back of my hand. "It's going to be okay."
There was no doubt in my mind, no nagging self-doubt or uncertainty. This wasn't my mom and dad. This wasn't Uncle Randy, or any of my shallow 'friends' from school. This was Hotch, and this was Reid.
This was my family, and now I knew without a doubt that my family was with me, no matter what.
Yay, Monday! I never used to be excited to start the week, but you guys are so awesome I look forward to it just so I can hear from you guys again!
Yes, another filler chapter! This was going to be part of the next chapter, but I felt it needed to be on its own. Are you happy that Aria finally told Reid and Hotch? How do you think it's gonna go, now that they know? What about the rest of the team? What about Connor!? I can't wait to hear your thoughts! Also - I have a picture of Connor on my Tumblr page, in case you guys are interested to see what he looks like!
I really want to point out that I desperately tried to make the physics stuff accurate. I made the fatal mistake of making Aria wildly smarter than I am and I literally have no idea what she and Reid end up talking about. I hope y'all can forgive me if the stuff on vector algebra and kinetic energy is totally wrong (because OF COURSE a bunch of y'all actually freaking took general physics and actually know all this stuff…) but I tried!
Thank you so much for reading. It's been a rough week and honestly writing this chapter and getting to look forward to hearing from y'all helped me get through it. I can't say enough how much I appreciate you guys!