Thank you all so much for your feedback over the last couple of days! I am so glad I took up translating again. This was my first fanfiction ever so it has a special place in my heart. There is still so much ahead of us, since the original story has about 37 chapters at this point.
A special thanks for their continuous feedback goes to: Calwitch and Broken2018 among others.
I had been in a deep and dreamless sleep. But that was good, it was the first time in a long time that I didn't have any nightmares. Even if I didn't know why, on the other hand it really didn't matter. Last time I slept so good was when… When I fell asleep on the couch with Bucky. Maybe it really was possible to just be friends. He made me feel safe and it felt good to have someone to talk to besides Nat.
I stood in front of my wardrobe and for once I didn't know what to wear. Guess there is a first time for everything. I looked out of the window, apparently the day would be nice and warm. So I decided on a loose fitting black dress, that fell down to my knees and covered up all of me which I didn't like.
Half an hour later I found myself in the kitchen. A cup of hot coffee sitting next to me on the counter. I was whipping some cream since I decided to make some strawberry cake.
"Mmmh… Cake." Barnes and Rogers came into the kitchen. What was it with them only appearing as a team lately?
"Hey." I stopped the hand mixer. "I was feeling like… Sergeant Barnes!" While I had been occupied with Steve, Bucky had grabbed the bowl with the whipped cream and now gave me his most innocent face. With a huge grin he put the bowl back on the kitchen counter. Of course he couldn't resist the urge to swipe his finger through the cream once.
I rolled my eyes at his back as he made himself a cup of coffee.I decided that I was good to put the cake together. Where was the cake ring? Of course… On top of one of the shelves just short out of my reach. I leaned on the counter and tried reaching it anyways. A cold hand touched my lower back and Bucky reached over my head for the ring.
"You could have just asked, doll. Not that it is such a challenge but we are both much taller than you are." Offended I slapped his shoulder and yelped. I had completely forgotten that I tried to rearrange Loki's jaw yesterday. All playfulness was instantly gone from Barnes's face.
"Oh don't give me that look now. I just forgot about my finger for a second. And it isn't really my fault your shoulder is so tough." I tried to keep up the light mood. Still a little sceptical he took my hand in his and gave my fingers a once over. When I didn't give much of a reaction he seemed satisfied with the outcome of his examination. Still he didn't let go of my hand.
"You look cute." He made me twirl around myself once. "I still don't like it when you wear your hair in a bun." I dodged his hand.
"As long as I am working in the kitchen, the bun stays."
"And if I don't accept that?" He gave me an intense look and I stuck out my tongue at him.
"Then you need to learn to live with not always getting what you want." I slapped my hand over my mouth, instantly regretting the words. With a soft smile he pulled me into a gentle hug.
"It's alright, doll." I relaxed against and flinched a second later when he pulled the needle out of my hair and let it cascade down my back.
"You…"
"I what, doll?"
Steve cleared his throat awkwardly. He watched us closely. Honestly it must have been a little weird seeing us like this.
"Maybe one of you can explain to me what it is with the two of you? First you get along, then you avoid each other and now you are fooling around. I don't get it anymore. Buck?" He just looked at his best friend and reluctantly let go of me.
"Don't know what you are talking about." He took his mug and left. I stared after him with a confused expression on my face.
"Ann?" I smiled at Steve, still a little confused. It wasn't like him not to talk to Rogers.
"I really have no answer for you. I know he can… he is a very good friend." I let out a sigh. Steve got out of his seat and leaned against the table in front of me with his arms crossed.
"But it is not what you want him to be." It was a statement rather than a question. I leaned against the counter, mimicking his pose.
"It isn't as easy as wanting or not wanting something, Steve. I… It is just not possible. We can only be friends. I am damaged goods. My past and now all that stuff involving Hydra… I don't even know who I am at the moment. He deserves more than that, someone who isn't as broken as me. He said it himself, the kiss was a mistake…"
"Wait a second. What kiss?!" My eyes shot towards him and I turned a bright crimson red.
"It was nothing! It didn't mean anything. It is not important!" I hurriedly turned my back on him.
"What do you mean it meant nothing? Are those your words or his?" I bit my lip hard.
"Steve, please. It is better this…"
"Are you really sure it was nothing? I know Bucky, better than anyone."
"Just leave it alone. I have to deal with so much right now, I don't need this on top." He had turned me around to face him and I was now lightly pushing against his chest to get him to back off a little. I needed to finish my cake before the cream collapsed again. Steve didn't say anything for a while, just watched me place the strawberries on the baked batter and cover them with the whipped cream. I repeated the process two times and spread the cake with cream. I decorated it with chocolate chips and a few more sliced strawberries.
"Here." I held the bowl filled with the last of the cream out to Steve. Either he ate it or cleaned it. Instead he scooped some onto his finger and tapped it against my nose.
"Stop the grumpy face." I had to smile at that and scooped some up to get back at him. Of course he was much faster than I was and caught my wrists. He looked at me for a second before he surprised me by putting my finger between his lips and cleaned off the cream. I looked at him a little dumbfounded. What he just did irritated me.
"So we are actually allowed to have a taste. Why was I not informed that Barnes isn't the only one with an interest here? I would have participated much sooner." Of course the bastard had to show up right now. He looked me up and down.
"Looks tasty. The cake…", he grinned.
"Whatever you meant, stay the hell away from her!" Whenever Barnes had returned to the kitchen, he seemed furious. Beyond furious, downright murderous. I just acted and didn't think about it. Before he could pounce on Loki I blocked his way by stepping in front of him. Fuming he stopped in his tracks.
"Get out of the way, doll."
"No!", I said with more confidence than I was feeling. Barnes's eyes were fixed on the god behind me and he let out an angry growl.
"James, look at me." I put my hands against his face, willing him to listen. I had never before used his actual name but that seemed to be the one thing to pull him back. His eyes found mine and I could see the shock that I had stepped between them.
"Steve, can you please put the cake in the fridge?" I didn't look at him, holding eye contact with his best friend.
"Sure."
"If you know what is good for you, you leave right now, Loki." I didn't turn around to confirm he heard me. It wasn't really important anyways. I took a hold of Bucky's hand and pulled a little, not sure if he would really let me pull him from the kitchen. But he did.
"Where are we going?" I was still holding on to his hand.
"My room. I need to change clothes, we are going to work out." He stopped walking and I stumbled a little since I was still holding on to him. He gave me a hesitant look.
"I can wait downstairs for you."
"No, you really can't, Sergeant. We both know you will only try to find Loki." He gave me a sheepish smile and I pulled him towards my room.
"Okay, doll. Let's go over how to punch again. We can't have you hurting every time you decide to go ballistic on that asshole of a god. You were lucky, you didn't break anything this time." I grinned at that.
"It's not funny. If you can't help yourself, at least let me show you how to do it right." He showed me again how to close my fist and had me repeat the motion over and over slowly before he would let me hit the bag hanging from the ceiling. Barnes held it in place, so it wouldn't move around while I was still getting used to the motion.
"What was that thing with Rogers?" I almost lost my footing at his sudden question.
"We were just fooling around." He furrowed his brows apparently not satisfied with my answer.
"Bucky, what do you want me to say?"
"Nothing in particular. I just want you to be honest with me. You like him?" What was going on here?
"Of course I like him. How could I not? You know him, better than anyone." I could practically watch him tense up.
"That's good. He would be perfect for you…" I stared at him in disbelief and took a step back and away from him. Was he being serious?
"Please tell me you are not going where I think."
"Doll, I just want you to…" He made a hesitant step towards me.
"Don't you dare say that you just want to see me happy! You kissed me and told me that there could never be more! I opened up to you! I told you about the darkest and most horrible thing that happened to me! And now…" He was one step away from me now. I was so frustrated and angry right now.
"You are so full of shit, Bucky Barnes! You…" He caught my wrist as I started pounding against his chest, careful not to hurt me.
"Let go of me! You can't expect me to put aside my feelings one day and the next you tell me the only solution is your best friend…"
My mind was far too slow to even register what just happened. From one second to the other he had me suddenly pinned against one of the concrete beams, still holding on to my wrists.
"Damn it, it is not the only solution. It is no solution at all! But the only thing I could live with since I am not allowed to have you!" My heartbeat was beyond fast. Wait, what?
"To hell with it…" His hand cupped my neck and his lips crashed against mine. I was completely lost. I gasped when I felt his tongue against my bottom lip. My eyes fell shut and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. He hummed, taking a hold of my legs and lifted me off the ground. The kiss changed a little, became softer but not any less hungry for more.
I was holding on to him for dear life. I prayed that this moment would never end.