A.N Hey there, if you had read the update titled "Winding truths and revealing secrets" that was taken down and replaced by a better version of that chapter. If you haven't read the updated chapter "sisters and serpents" (the chapter before this) go on ahead and read that first. There's an explanation there that'll tell you what went wrong with ch 17.
The beach.
Nothing ever good happened at the beach, Zuko thought with disdain, casting a dismal gaze to the sunny scene.
It was a forced vacation, one he'd take with his sister, as well as Ty Lee, and his girlfriend, Mai. He hadn't been able to refuse either. It was a mandatory vacation, an excuse to force the children out of the palace while important war meetings took place.
Zuko burned with irritation and insult; he was being sent away, again, as if he were a dirty child being shooed from polite company. He was old enough to join the war meetings, old enough to be a part of the planning- certainly. He thought he'd shown his worth already. Had being exiled all those years and surviving meant nothing? Had he not proved his loyalty in helping to bring down Ba Sing Se? His eyes narrowed at the horizon. The years outside of the palace had taught him much, from commanding his own ship, to learning how to survive in extreme circumstances. He knew so much more now, things that he was sure he could bring to the meetings, the discussions. His uncle would have never treated him this way- he halted that train of thought the moment it popped up.
He looked back out to the beach from beneath the shade of an umbrella, his girlfriend at his side. They'd said little to nothing since the whole trip began. He could sense her distaste for the beach as well, but hadn't bothered to ask why. He was relieved she'd done him the same courtesy. Yet, he recalled with some displeasure, they didn't really talk much anyway. When they did, it was about very little.
He'd tried to strike up a conversation about poetry once, but there was very little either had said. He'd asked if she liked it, and she'd responded with "some". He insisted to ask what kind, and she'd named a few titles. Well that was good, it was progress. Zuko had admitted he had not heard of them, instead, offering the titles he knew. She'd heard of one of those titles. He'd offered that they read each other's favorites, and she'd told him it sounded like homework. The conversation had died there. He'd had an idea then, an idea that made him inwardly cringe now on the other side of it. He'd cleared his throat, deciding to try spouting some poetry for her himself.
"When I look at you," Zuko had started, gently counting on his fingers, "I see the sun and the moon, I see the world...erm…" he had hesitated. Mai had quirked an eyebrow waiting for him to finish. "I...see...uhh…"
"Maybe you should just stick to reading," she had said and turned away. "I'm not a fan of haikus anyway."
And that had been the entire conversation.
He pulled out of the memory, looking out to all the happy people who played about in the sand or in the sea. Children built sand castles. Girls and boys their age were queuing up to play against each other in volleyball, or were off sunbathing and hanging out together. Many happy sounds surrounded him, and he wished they would all cease, longing for quiet.
"Cut it out!" laughed a voice just above the other sounds.
His eyes were drawn to two boys in the shallows of the water. They were wrestling, it seemed, their hands clasped in opposition. Trying to push the other over.
"Make me!" laughed the other one. The taller of the two, with lose black hair, had tripped up his friend, and pushed him back into the water. The other boy recovered quickly, sputtering out water and splashing his friend.
"Cheating!" he called.
"Cheating!" yelled Sokka with a smile.
His heart gave a painful pull and he turned his gaze away working on blocking their sounds. He was happy, he reminded himself. He was happier now, and he had a girlfriend he should be concentrating on. He needed to be a good boyfriend.
What did couples do on the beach?
He turned his gaze to the sand, where a rather large conch shell sat. It was a sandy-white color, with tan stripes across it. He picked it up.
"Here," he said, offering it up to Mai, "this is for you,"
She looked at it, tilting slightly away from his offering.
"...Why would I want that?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at it.
"I saw it, and I thought it was pretty. Don't girls like stuff like this?"
"Maybe stupid girls," she scoffed, turning her head away.
"Forget it," he muttered and tossed it away.
He watched it fall and noticed that the shell had landed next to one of the boys that had been playing about in the water earlier. One of them turned back, noticing that something had landed next to them, and picked up the shell. They quickly offered it to their friend. The other had taken it with a smile, and they'd walked away.
Zuko blinked, stunned, before turning away with an aggravated breath. He stood, ducking out from under the umbrella's shade.
"Where are you going?" asked Mai.
"I need air."
"We're literally outside."
He didn't answer.
Alright, maybe junk that washed up from the sea wasn't exactly Mai's type of gift. If nothing else, he remembered food was always a good way to cheer someone up. He returned to her not long after. In his hands were two icecream cones. He took in a breath as he returned to the umbrella, ducking under and catching her gaze. She eyed the icecream with no expression. He cleared his throat as he sat back down and decided he'd have to be the first to speak.
"I thought since it's so hot...here," he said, and offered it up. He was clumsy though. Perhaps it was the nerves of trying to get this whole relationship thing right, but the scoop had fallen out of it's cone and plopped onto her red skirt. He paused a moment, the familiar bite of disappointment was almost comical at this point.
"...thanks. This is really refreshing" she said.
Dejected, he promptly left to find something to clean the stain off her skirt.
This was going horribly, and not for any part on her end. He knew she could sense that, despite his best efforts, he was missing the mark.
She could be making this easier too, he thought bitterly, but speaking to her was like addressing a brick wall.
He'd only just returned when he heard his sister ordering them around.
"Hey beach bums, we're playing next. Ty Lee! Get over here!"
Even on vacation, Azula's need to be incharge didn't take a break. Her gaze was trained at the volleyball set up, and he could tell by her stare that she was craving competition of any sort.
What point was there in arguing with her? None when conquest was on her mind.
"I hate volleyball," he could just hear Mai mutter as she brushed herself off.
He made some noise in agreement and followed.
So he joined in the group huddle with his sister and her friends. Azula treated the game like any other mission, where only victory was expected. As she ruthlessly pointed out the flaws of the opposing team she'd been observing, he supposed he was glad for the distraction. Acting casual was incredibly more difficult than everyone around him made it seem. They were dismissed, and the game began.
With the elite precision of four teenages who'd spent most of thier life fighting for their lives and honor, they defeated the other team. Azula had taken it to eleven, as she was prone to do, and on the very last volley, spiked it with her foot, unintentionally setting the net on fire.
"Yes!" Azula exclaimed, "We defeated you, for all time! You will never rise from the ashes of your shame and humiliation!" She stood there, breathing for a moment, the rush of victory surging through her. After a moment she composed herself, turning back to them. "Well that was fun."
Apparently she had no idea what casual was either, Zuko couldn't help but think with some embarrassment.
Their game had caught the attention of two boys whose gaze were locked on to Ty Lee. They approached her, and Zuko prepared to tune out the entire conversation, hopping to return to the shade of the umbrella. Since their arrival to the beach, Ty Lee had been garnering the attention of any man within range, and doing what she could to make use of them. The display was tiresome, especially coupled with her false display of innocence and- he stopped to let out a frustrated breath. Why was he ruthlessly picking on his sister's friend, he wondered, miserably.
The boys approached them, and Zuko immediately caught on to their swagger and the way they held their head high. There was no mistake, these boys thought they were hot-
"I'm having a party tonight," said one of the guys. He was toned, possibly Zuko's age, and stood taller than the Prince. His hair pulled up and back, revealing his handsome, unmarred face. He was directly speaking to Ty Lee with confidence, no stutter or sign of hesitation. Why did everyone else seem able to pull "casual" off so well, he wondered. "You should come by"
"Sure, I love parties," she shrugged, equally as confident.
"Your friend can come too," said the other boy, his hair loose but some of it was dragged into the traditional bun. They held a status of some kind, Zuko thought, no wonder they- hold on, he thought, by her friend did they mean Mai?
Mai had turned when she'd been acknowledged. What did she think of them, he wondered. Did she find either of them attractive?
"Uh, what about me and my brother?" Azula asked at once, never one to be left out of anything. "Aren't you going to invite us?"
The two boys looked to each other, looking down at his sister like she were just...someone, and not The Princess of the Fire Nation. She tilted her head to the side with interest.
"You don't know who we are, do you?"
"Don't you know who we are?" asked the first one, "We're Chan and Ruon-Jian."
Zuko let out a quiet frustrated breath; of course, they were admiral brats. Spoiled rich kids who benefitted off the war almost more than their parents did. They'd made a pass on his girl, and now were looking down on him. Chan had chanced a glance at Zuko, and by the wince on his face it seemed obvious he was reacting to the scar. Zuko felt his hands clutch into fists and he stormed over, but was stopped by his sister's hand being thrown out in front of him.
"...but, fine," said Chan, obviously not in the mood for a fight, "you're invited too. Just so you know though, some of the most important teenagers in the Fire Nation are gonna be at this party so...try to act normal."
"We'll do our best," she smiled.
"Why didn't you tell those jerks who we were?" asked Zuko.
It was evening now, and they were sitting down to dinner before they'd go to the party. The elderly twins, Lo and Li, their current guardians and supervisors for their excursion, were seated at either end of the table. The old women provided food, housing, and direction and distraction, should the children have use of it. They were constant perfect reflections of each other. They even went so far as to finish each other's sentences. It unnerved him.
"I guess I was...intrigued," Azula answered from across the table. "I'm so used to people worshiping us."
"They should," Ty Lee pipped in, her peppy tone grating on Zuko's nerves.
"I know, and I love it," nodded Azula. "But for once, I just wanted to see how people would treat us if they didn't know who we were."
Zuko put his chopsticks down, the richness of the shrimp was too much for his stomach again. That, as well as the memories of having traveled all across the Earth Kingdom came to mind and depleted his appetite.
He knew exactly how people treated him without knowing his background. His sister's intrigue on the matter only showed how little she knew. He tried not to think of the war councils that were going on, about how much time he'd wasted here trying to act like a normal teenager when he just wasn't. He tried to recall the last time he felt normal, and then, as the memories of the Tea Shop all came crashing back to him, he quickly picked up his chopsticks and stuffed his face with another shrimp. The taste of chilli and vinegar distracted him from the past.
"Like waves washing away the footprints in the sand, Ember Island gives everyone a clean slate," said one of the twins, they were too difficult to tell apart. The other spoke then,
"Ember Island reveals the true you," said the other.
Zuko accidentally bit his tongue, choking mid swallow and forcing him to cough. He dropped his utensils, which clattered to the floor in a sweet and sour mess.
"Ew," said Mai, leaning away from him.
"You alright?" asked Ty Lee.
"I'm fine," he muttered between coughing. He hurried away, hearing his sister mutter some insult as he left into the bathroom.
Nearly choking and the sting of the bite made him tear up slightly, and the chili pepper wasn't doing much to help either. He grabbed a small pitcher of water on his way to the restroom. He took a drink of water and swished it in his mouth, spitting it out, along with a bit of blood. He washed his face in the next moment with the rest of the clean water, trying to get the twin's words out of his mind.
Revealed the true self.
Offers a clean slate.
What a joke, he thought bitterly.
He lifted his head, and for a moment paused. He swore he could hear something, like the slithering of scales. The sound had followed him here. He gritted his teeth. What was it, he wondered, looking around the room. What was he hearing, and why did it terrify him? When he turned back, he yelped. He could have sworn for just a moment, that he saw a gleaming yellow eye behind him, surrounded by blue scales, adn a flash of very big teeth. But the image was gone in the next moment, and he turned looking wildly about the bathroom.
He was alone.
He was fine, he insisted, washing his face one more time. He was stressed, maybe, and he didn't sleep or eat well these days, but he was fine.
Still, if this was a vacation, perhaps he'd actually take the time to rest.
He finished up in the restroom and headed back out into the main living space. The others were on their way to change, but he leaned against the doorway to his own private room.
"I'm not going," he announced.
"Aww, shy?" Azula teased. He shot a glare at her, and she rolled her eyes up to the ceiling. "If it's because of your scar, may I suggest a head wrap? Maybe an eye patch? Better yet, why not just keep your head down and your trap shut."
"Is a party thrown by admiral brats really so interesting that you'd force me to go with you?"
"If I find it interesting, then it is. Get dressed," she snapped.
He knew if he didn't there might be some petty revenge paid back on him later. Feeling much like a whipped dog, he turned and headed into the room to change.
When they'd arrived at the house party, sun was only just starting to set. Azula knocked on the door, and Zuko was already caught up in the tedium of the whole affair. He looked away as Chan answered the door, barely registering the conversation his sister was having with their host. His gaze was pointed to the horizon, watching the gold light dance along the blue waters.
Mai gently nudged him, and he turned his attention back as he followed the others in. He let out a long, tiered, sigh.
They entered the well furnished house, with lacquered wood paneling, rugs obviously traded from conquered Earth Kingdom settlements, and gaudy gold statues coupled with large painted vases.
The other boy, Ruon-Jian was his name, sat next to a mirror, fixing his hair, then fixing his gaze on the girls as they passed him. His gaze seemed to linger especially on Mai.
"Hey, first ones here, huh" he greeted, his tone somewhat mocking.
"He thinks he's so great," Zuko muttered just loud enough so Mai could hear him. She said nothing in response. The silence was beginning to wear on him. "Well, what do you think of him?" he asked.
"I don't have any opinion about him," she shot back, her tone still as flat and listless as anything, as if speaking to him were a chore. "I hardly know him."
"You like him, don't you?" he pressed, to which she only groaned.
He eyed the boy with a glare of contempt and warning, should he try anything. The other only winked back at him, a challenging action that made Zuko's temper flare, but he held back. The threat of what should happen if he ruined Azula's chance at her first "normal-teenage-party" held him at bay, and he merely followed behind his girlfriend.
The party guests trickled in as it grew darker. Food arrived, specifically catered for the occasion, but as usual, Zuko had no appetite. He sat in the corner on a bench with Mai as more people filed in. Music, food, warm lighting, and plenty of friendly looking people to speak to, this was his current nightmare.
"I'm bored," he heard his girlfriend say for the first time in maybe twenty minutes.
"I know," he replied, his tone just as flat.
"I'm hungry," she continued.
Oh now she was hungry, he thought, remembering the embarrassing ice cream incident earlier.
"So what?" he asked.
"So find me some food."
"Sure." he muttered, and drew his arm away. Happy to, he thought sarcastically.
He went to the table where a great many dishes were laid out. Having no appetite himself, he stood and stared at the foods with disgust. He quietly threw his feelings to the back of his mind as he drew up a pair of chopsticks, a plate, and began to dish up some meal
. He went for the smaller steamed dumplings at first, piling on four, before he turned his attention to a small jellied red bean cake. They were cut into small rectangles, no bigger than his pinky, a perfect amount for sweet flavor to pick at inbetween the savory selections. He took that up and onto the plate, his eyes next scanning the grilled fish. He was quick to take up much of the meat, even going so far as to place the garnish of lemon on top. Ah, then there was the seaweed salad. Something to round out the dish, make it more balanced. Satisfied with his selection, and even finding he was starting to grow a bit peckish as well he turned to hand it back over to-
He stopped, a thought occurring to him. Mai hated the texture of seaweed salad.
Right, he scolded himself, he should have remembered that from the few dinners they'd shared. And come to think of it, the portions of steamed dumplings were a bit more than she normally ate. He groaned in irritation. Just who was he making this platter for?
He corrected his errors, substituting the seaweed salad for cucumber salad, and placed two of the dumplings back. Finally, he thought to himself, suddenly fed up with this task. He turned and was heading back to where she was sitting. He walked, and for a moment, he amused himself by holding the plate one hand, like it were a tray. Perhaps he'd make her feel special, like he were serving her. He wondered if he'd ever see her smile.
Before he could reach her, one of the party guests guffawed loudly and had stepped blindly back and into him, knocking the dish out of his hand and sending the food to go toppeling to the ground. His temper flared immediately and he turned on the guest.
"Hey! Watch where you're-!" his voice caught in his throat as he stared back at Sokka.
But no...no this wasn't him, though the boy looked very much like him at first glance. His eyes weren't blue, but his skin was dark, his deep brown hair pulled back to reveal a similar face shape. But it was the small details, the way his jaw was set, the ear shape, the height of their cheek bones, that revealed they were a complete stranger to him.
"Y-you okay?" asked the party-goer.
He seethed at his own moment of weakness, replacing his stunned look with an intimidating glare of rage.
"As if you could hurt me. Look what you've done! That food was for my cranky girlfriend," he snapped at him, pointing to Mai. The other retreated into themselves from the shouting, but followed the gesture, and suddenly seemed a little less intimidated. Confused, Zuko turned to see Mai, leaning casually back on the bench and chatting up Ruon-Jian. The boy stood over her with a hand on the wall, the other fist confidently placed on his hip. Even from this distance, Zuko could see the smallest trace of a smile on her lips.
"You sure that's your girlfriend?" the other boy teased.
This spurred Zuko into running full force at the pair. Without a moment's hesitation he was on Ruon-Jian, grabbing him firmly by the shoulder of his short sleeve robe and turning so that Ruon-Jian was forced to step away to catch himself from falling.
"What are you doing?" the boy demanded, catching himself and fixing his hair in the next moment.
"Stop talking to my girlfriend!" he shouted, catching the attention of almost everyone in the room.
"Relax," the other said, "it's just a party," he said, advancing on him. Zuko's hand shot out, and with a movement of his wrist and the force of his bending minus the flame, he pushed the boy and sent him careening all the way to the back wall of the house. The only thing to cushion his fall was a vase that shattered upon impact. This drew the attention of the entire room.
Zuko stared at the result of his action, thoroughly shocked. He'd moved without meaning to- instinct had kicked in- he'd done it without any thought any-
His shoulder was grabbed, the shock of what just happened kept his instincts from attacking Mai as she stared back at him angrily.
"Zuko, what is wrong with you?" she demanded.
"What's wrong with me?" he snapped back, "what's wrong with you? You seem so happy for me to be anywhere but by your side that you'd chat up other guys?"
"Your temper is out of control," she said, jabbing a finger into his chest. "You blow up over every little thing. You're so impatient, hot-headed, and angry."
"Well at least I feel something," he snapped back at her, "as opposed to you. You have no passion for anything, you don't care about anything- it's like I'm not even here!"
"Are you?" she demanded.
He stared back at her. She turned away, crossing her arms.
"It's over, Zuko," she said at last. "We're done."
He stared at her, and he was sure, certain that in this moment, he was supposed to feel something. Perhaps it was the shock.
"Ahh!" someone exclaimed. "Who broke my Nana's vase?"
He didn't have to look to know Chan was storming over to confront him.
"That's it," Chen said to him, "you're out of here!"
"I was just leaving," Zuko snapped back in Chan's face, fighting to keep himself from throwing the brat across the room with his friend. He owed Mai that much, at least. He tore his angry gaze away and walked out. He could just hear Ruon-Jian mocking him as he walked away,
"Have fun by yourself, loser-boy!"
Zuko slammed the door behind him, shutting out the warm lighting and was immersed in the darkness of the night.
He walked along the beach. It was empty. Quiet. He drank in the peace and quiet, feeling strangely detached after Mai's words. As the wind whipped by, the smell of salty sea air flowing on the breeze, he felt himself just slightly more relaxed. Still, memories of what had just transpired left him feeling humiliated, and confused. He'd lost his temper, in a big way. And strangely, it wasn't Mai, who he was embarrassed for, but Sokka. Though, he thought, he had no idea why that would be, other than he'd worked so hard to make up for it back in Ba Sing-
He held his head and groaned in aggravation.
"Stop. Thinking. About him…" he muttered a desperate, angry plea to his brain.
He tore his gaze up and away from the ground, looking out to the ocean, as if he didn't care, as if it didn't bring with it it's own memories.
He couldn't stop himself from walking toward the water, allowing the waves to lap gently up to his ankles and retreat gracefully.
Mai's question played in his mind, asking if he really was "here", and he realized that he in fact was not. The answer tore at him in an instant, and he angrily clenched his fist above his chest. What was he doing, he scolded himself angrily, what was he thinking? Why did his mind so readily turn back to him? He angrily kicked at the water and turned his back on the horizon. He walked away from the beach.
He'd arrived in front of the royal family's old summer home. The house had been empty for years, ever since his mother's banishment. It was locked.
Not a problem.
He kicked the doors open, breaking the wooden beam that locked them in place from the back, and forced his way into the dusty, empty halls. Everywhere he glanced, another memory played. He wasn't here, he scoffed bitterly, remembering Mai's words; he was too busy lost in dreams and memories half the time.
A family portrait sat on the back wall, facing him. It had been commissioned when he and Azula were still young. He must have been ten at the time. He looked to the smiling boy in the painting, his father's hand proudly on his back. Zuko seethed at the sight of that child. He turned his gaze downward to the display table. A few worthless family trinkets sat there, covered in dust and utterly abandoned. Resting front and center was a little hand print set in stone. His mother had pressed his hand in the cement disk when he was a baby, a trinket she was no longer around to cherish. The memory of him left alone to collect dust in it's empty imprint. He picked it up, putting his hand to it, comparing the size, retracing the memories that haunted this quiet empty space.
Who was the child that had pressed his hand into the wet cement, he wondered. Was any semblance of that happy boy still inside him, or was he entirely a stranger to himself?
Languid, even footsteps gave him reason to pause. He sharply turned his head to the sound, his heart thrumming painfully in his chest, setting his skin to prickle with alarm.
"Hello?" he called out.
Had someone been squatting in his old home? The thought drove the fear to ignite into anger, and he put the small hand print down and walked to where he heard the sound.
He turned the corner to look down the long, darkened hallway. To the left were paper screen doors that would open to the small stone courtyard, but were currently latched shut. They showed no sign of forced entry, so whoever had entered did not do it from here. The light of the moon still shone through the opaque paper, allowing for the diffused light to illuminate the hallway.
The sound of footsteps once more caught his attention and he looked down to the end of the hall, where he just happened to catch a glimpse of someone walking out of sight and to the left, further into the large home.
"Stop!" Zuko demanded angrily, and ran after them. He rounded the corner, the shape ducked away again, the tail of a red cape lined in gold fluttering behind them. This time, however, there was the sound of slithering to accompany it. No, he told himself, he was surely imagining the scaly sound. He'd imagined it before in times of distress, this time was no different.
Whoever they were, they were headed toward the sleeping quarters.
"I said, stop!" he demanded, once more taking off after them. He hurried along the empty halls, listening for their quiet foot falls, before coming to his parents room.
Ornate doors stood before him. This was a chamber he'd never entered in his life, the children had not been allowed in here.
One of the doors had been left ajar. He swallowed his fear and approached it, pushing the door just slightly more open. The room was so dark he could see no one and nothing beyond the shadows. He gently took the round ring handle and pushed it open further. What little light there was from the hall bleed into the room only a few inches, too weak to cast itself on anything.
As he peered in, he once more heard the slithering sound, this time, directly behind him, like a great beast moments from striking him. He froze, his blood turning cold as he waited for some terrible end.
Cool fingers slid gently against the skin of his face, and came to rest softly on his scar, just below the eye. He looked to the other hand which slid gently into view, the arm wrapping around his front and clasping the opposite shoulder. Their skin was dark, familiar.
"...Sokka?" he breathed in shock.
The hands retreated suddenly, like shadows from lantern light. Zuko whipped around, but what met his gaze stunned him into wide-eyed silence and awed shock.
Standing before him, adorned in the royal Fire Nation silks and robes, stood his tether. Sokka's gaze was half lidded, dim, bearing no warmth and all severity.
Zuko took in the sight with breathless wonder and fear, a terrible chill running through him from the unfamiliar expression the other wore. Then at once, as fast as a lepordsnake's strike, Sokka's arms shot out and pushed Zuko into the room. Only, when the prince stepped back, there was no floor to catch him, and he plummeted into the darkness, watching the image of Sokka grow smaller and smaller as he cried out, reaching up for him.
Something shattered, and he blinked.
Zuko was standing in the entrance hall. The hand print cast had slipped from his grasp and plummeted to the floor, shattering upon impact.
He shook his head and looked around the dark space, alarmed and pulling himself out of his dazed state. He listened for something, foot steps, or anything that would prove that everything that had happened wasn't all some strange dream he had while standing up.
"I thought I'd find you here," said a voice. It shocked him and he turned back to her, wild-eyed. Azula stood in the doorway, putting a hand to her hip as she eyed him. "What are you doing in the dark?"
He didn't know. He looked down at the broken mould.
"Hello?" she asked, arching an eyebrow.
He wiped a hand down his face and fought to regain control of himself. With one last breath, he turned and asked,
"What are you doing here?"
"Looking for you. Come on, this place is depressing," she said, and turned without another word.
"Hold on."
"What?" she asked, bored.
"...nevermind."
"What, Zuzu?" she asked, turning to look at him from the doorway. "Still afraid of the dark?" she teased, mirthless and impatient.
"Shut it," he muttered, following behind her.
He left the house, and as he drew farther away, he could not help but feel a set of eyes on him. The image of Sokka in fine reds, golds, and blacks haunted him, but he held it in his heart, a strange desire burning in him. He quickly shut it down, taking in a deep breath of the night air.
His sister brought him to where the others sat on the beach waiting for them. He passed by Mai, who coldly turned away from him. He chewed the inside of his lip a moment, pushing down the shame of his earlier actions upon seeing her.
"Hey," he greeted, deciding to give her space.
"Hey," she replied.
"Where's your new boyfriend?" he couldn't stop himself from muttering. She narrowed her eyes at him, and he cursed inwardly.
"Man, it's cold tonight," Ty Lee spoke up, trying to defuse the tension. "It's be great if we could get a fire going."
Zuko pondered this for a moment, before his gaze turned to look back up the hill.
"There's plenty of stuff to burn in there," he said.
"Sometimes, your ideas aren't too bad," agreed his sister, also following his gaze. It was no secret that she detested the place as much as he did. He went with her, more than positive nothing strange would happen if he were with another person.
When the siblings returned, it was with their memories. Zuko had taken the picture of their family and cast it into the budding fire, watching his ten year old reflection curl and burn away.
"What are you doing?" asked Ty lee, alarmed.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" Zuko shot back.
"But it's a painting of your family,"
"You think I care? You don't know me, so why don't you just mind your own business?"
"Tch...I know you…" she muttered.
"No, you don't!" he shot back, angrily. "You're stuck in your little Ty Lee world- where everything's great all the time."
"Zuko, leave her alone," Mai defended. He obeyed for the moment, but his temper urged him on. His tone turned mocking as he turned his back on them, facing the sea.
"I'm so pretty, look at me. I can walk on my hands, whoo!" he teased, and did a handstand to drive the impression further. He stared back at her upside down, insulted expression, feeling strangely alien in his body in the moment. He allowed himself to fall back and onto the sand. "Circus freak…" he muttered.
He could hear his sister's unabashed laughter and felt his stomach curl from the sound. He wished he had the courage to tell her to shut up, but even with his temper his fear of her kept him in place.
"Yes, I'm a circus freak," Ty Lee said over the laughter, which ended swiftly in the next moment. "Go ahead, laugh all you want. You wanna know why I joined the circus?"
No, thought Zuko, miserably.
"Here we go…" Azula could be heard to sigh.
"Do you have any idea what my home life was like growing up with six sisters who looked exactly like me? It was like, I didn't even have my own name. I joined the circus because I was scared of spending the rest of my life as a part of a match set. At least I'm different now. Circus freak is a compliment."
"Guess that explains why you need ten boyfriends too," Mai muttered.
A pause.
"I'm sorry...what?!" Ty Lee exclaimed.
"Attention issues? You couldn't get enough attention when you were a kid so you're trying to make up for it now."
Zuko snorted at this. He liked this side of her. It was the closest thing to an emotion that she could muster, he thought, listening to them argue.
"Well, what's your excuse, Mai?" Ty Lee answered, her voice deceptively light and care-free. "You were an only child for fifteen years. But even with all that attention your aura is this dingy, pasty, gray…"
"I don't believe in auras," the other interrupted.
"Yeah," said Zuko, turning in the sand to look over at Mai. "You don't believe in anything."
"Oh, well I'm sorry I can't be as high-strung and crazy as the rest of you."
"You know, I'm sorry too," he shot back, getting to his feet. "I wish you would be. I wish you'd be high-strung, or crazy- or anything. You keep everything bottled up, everything hidden away like we aren't good enough for your feelings. She called your aura dingy-" he said, throwing a hand to Ty Lee. Mei's gaze remained on the fire, as if ignoring him. "Are you really going to take that?"
"What do you want from me?" she asked, laying back, as if the entire conversation bored her. "You want a teary confession about how hard my childhood was? Well, it wasn't. I was a rich only child who got anything I wanted...as long as I behaved...and sat still...and didn't speak unless spoken to. My mother said I had to keep out of trouble. We had my dad's political career to think about."
"Well, that's it then," Azula interjected. "You had a controlling mother who had certain expectations, and if you strayed from them you were shut down. That's why you're afraid to care about anything."
Ever the "people person" Azula had seemed to strike a nerve in Mai that actually pulled a look of indignation from the girl. Zuko watched with interest.
"And it's why you can't express yourself," Azula finished with a thoughtful nod.
"You want me to express myself?" Mai asked, sitting up at once and on her feet, staring back at Azula with such fury and force, Zuko felt as though he were witnessing her finally pop off. "Leave. Me. Alone!"
It was the first time he'd ever seen her shout. She held back everything, but in this moment, he had the strangest feeling that what she held back the most, was aimed at Azula.
A stillness hung in the air, and he knew his sister to be watching with amusement, challenging her. Azula welcomed conflict, it was like air to her.
He returned his gaze to Mai.
"Why don't you tell me these things?" Zuko asked, walking closer to Mai, reaching out to maybe touch her shoulder. She slapped his hand away.
"Don't touch me, I'm still mad at you."
"Good! Be mad, be anything-"
"Why?" she demanded. "Why be anything when you never look at me?"
"What are you talking about?" he scoffed, looking at her like she was crazy. He'd just spent an entire day trying to get her to open up to him.
"You look in my direction, but I know you don't see me."
"That's crazy."
"Is it? This vacation was the first time I've seen you in days. You have to be dragged out of your room just to have breakfast with us. You never call on me, and you're always either staring off or reading from that little black book."
"Calm down guys," Ty Lee spoke up again, perhaps hoping to turn this conversation away for another time, where she and Azula wouldn't be present for it. "This much negative energy is bad for your skin. You'll totally break out."
Azula snickered.
"...bad skin?" Zuko asked, laughing in near disbelief. Ty Lee flinched. "Normal teenagers worry about bad skin. I don't have that luxury. My father decided to teach me a permanent lesson- on my face!" he yelled, pointing to the scar. She stared back, horrified.
"Sorry, Zuko, I…"
He didn't want to hear it, and turned away.
"For so long, I thought that if my dad accepted me, I'd be happy. I'm back home now. My dad talks to me. Ha- he even thinks I'm a hero," he said, bitterly shooting a look back to Azula, who cocked her head to the side with false interest, a threat just behind her eyes. He returned his gaze to the sand. "Everything should be perfect, right? I should be happy now...I deserve to be happy now...but...I'm not..." he said, and raised his gaze to the sea, to the horizon, to the moonlight that danced on the choppy waters. He turned away from them, knowing his gaze would be locked on the horizon if he gazed too long. "I'm angrier than I've ever been and I don't know why!"
"There's a simple question you need to answer then," his sister shrugged. "Who are you angry at?"
"No one, I'm just angry…" he answered, feeling the lie gently clutch his throat, his words dying out.
"Yeah, who are you angry at, Zuko?" Mai asked.
"Everyone- I don't know!" he shot back.
"Is it dad?" Azula pried.
"N-no!" he answered quickly, suddenly fearful.
"You're uncle?" asked Ty Lee.
"Me?" asked Azula
"No! No...no!" he said and grabbed his head, his own brain wracking over the answer.
"Then who is it? It's got to be someone" Mai pressed.
"Who are you angry at?" asked Azula, "answer the question, Zuko."
"Talk to us," pleaded Ty Lee,
"Come on, answer the question," Mai demanded.
"Answer it!" said Azula.
The cacophony of his friend's voices drew his thoughts to a stand still.
In that stillness, in his mind, he could see Sokka staring coldly back, before turning his back on him.
"I'm angry at myself!" he yelled, throwing his hands down from his head, and the camp fire roared up in response from his terrible grief. He stared into the raging flames that shot up above their heads like a dragon's breath. The others flinched away as hot embers exploded out and danced around on the air.
He was gone from his tether's side, gone and unable to stop thinking about him. Mai could not be his substitute, no matter how much he forced himself to think of her. She wasn't him. She didn't have his smile, his eyes, his excitement, his love.
His eyes widened at the last thought, and he stared strunned into the fire that suddenly almost all but extinguished, having eaten through the wood and junk they'd thrown into it. The embers died down, the area went dark, his shocked gaze remained on the charred, dead, wood.
Is that what he'd been doing, he wondered with quiet bewilderment. Making Mai into Sokka's substitute? But then that would mean...
He loved Sokka.
Stunned by the revelation, he turned away from the group. Why had this truth only dawned on him now? Why after he'd made his decision, after it was too late?
"...why?" asked Azula, and for a moment, Zuko had to shake himself, struggling to remember the last thing he said out loud.
"Because I'm confused," he answered, his voice horse with emotion. "Because I'm not sure...I know the difference between right and wrong anymore…" he said, shaking his head. Was wanting home and his father's love so wrong? Isn't that what everyone wanted in life? It wasn't wrong, he assured himself, and as stand-alone statements, they weren't. But to get it, he'd thrown Sokka away, hurt his friend horribly, and allowed Ba Sing Se to be conquered. He wondered what was happening to that little tea shop now.
"You're pathetic," scoffed his sister.
For once, he agreed with her.
He heard some movement behind him from Mai's direction, and heard her slide off the boulder she'd been sitting on to join his side.
"I know one thing I care about…" she said, quietly. He felt her hand on his back, and in truth there was some relief to that touch, no longer a strained need that pulled at his mind. He could see her for who she was, but this came with the knowledge that she was not in his heart.
"I care about you," she continued.
He smiled at her, and turned his body to face her. He gently, and with some somber serious tone that pulled a quiet look of confusion from her, embraced her.
"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I've been...a real jerk to you…you deserve better."
"Zuko…?" she wondered, but the sound of bored, slow, clapping drove them apart. Azula looked on, vaguely amused like she were watching a mildly interesting play.
"Well, those were wonderful performances, everyone."
"I guess you wouldn't understand, would you, Azula?" aked Zuko, "Because you're just so perfect."
"Well, yes, I guess you're right," she sighed, looking quite pleased. "I don't have sob stories like all of you. I could sit here and complain how our mom liked Zuko more than me, but, I don't really care," she shrugged, turning her gaze to the embers. "My own mother…" she continued, her tone thoughtful, "...thought I was a monster."
Zuko stared at his sister, stunned. He had not been aware that Azula thought this, and he wasn't sure of its validity. It was hard to know what his mother really thought of Azula, he realized, since she'd always spent much time with him. Azula pulled out of the memory, her mask back on a smile in place and a simple shrug. "She was right of course, but it still hurt."
A quiet moment passed between everyone, staring into the fire that now completely went dead.
"Woah…" whispered Ty lee. "Lo and Li were right. The beach did help us learn about ourselves," she turned and grabbed up a pumice stone from the sand. "I feel all smoothed. I'll always remember this."
"That's all well and fine," said Azula standing, but do you know what would make this night even more memorable?"
As it turns out, and unsurprisingly, Azula's idea of a good time was trashing the party they'd left. Deadly, smart, and petty, these were the traits that defined Azula the best, in Zuko's opinion. And in his opinion of himself, well, he almost didn't mind setting a curtain or two on fire, as well as ax-kicking the dining table in half.
A good way to let off steam after a venting session.
As a final parting gift, they set the house on fire.
Everyone within the beach house was asleep, everyone except Azula. Zuko was a heavy sleeper, easy to creep past. Azula had entered his room with no problem, waking no one as she went in, the little black book in her hand. She'd easily stolen it earlier, after her brother had left the party. She returned it to Zuko's things, tucking it back in the place she'd found it in his bag. She quickly left, closing the door behind her with a gentle click that was almost barely heard.
She remained in the main room of the beach house, her gaze shifted to the floor in thought.
Sokka.
The name was more than familiar, as a certain prisoner she'd captured just before the fall of Ba Sing Se had repeatedly threatened Azula with this person's revenge for capturing her.
Yet, this was curious, what did this boy have to do with her brother? Not only this, she mused quietly as she wandered to the outer dining deck, looking to the ocean, what could she do with this information?
Well Zuko was in an already comfortable spot for her. If the Avatar were alive and revealed himself during the Eclipse Invasion, Zuko would be poised to take the fall, and she'd rise as next in line for the crown. Now, she could accuse Zuko of collusion with the enemy, but after helping her take down the Avatar, there'd be very little evidence to support it, and it would make her look desperate.
Still, this information wasn't useless, even if she didn't have need of it at the moment. Anything that showed her brother in a poor light was useful. Then again, there might be other ways to use such information. Perhaps she'd simply hold onto it for a little while longer. Allow Zuko's suspicions to drop and for him to grow comfortable again.
She smirked.
She did so enjoy a good puzzle.