"Oh, tastebuds! I've missed you so much! I'll never forsake you again."

"Keep it family-friendly now, James," said Remus in mock reproof, helping himself to an enormous slice of carrot cake. "There are first years here."

They were at the Halloween feast and, having finally removed the Mandrake leaves from their tongues, the boys were celebrating the holiday with what could only be described as orgasmic pleasure. It seemed to James as though the feast had been designed specifically for them, to deliver all the favorite foods they'd missed during the long Mandrake-flavored month. Next to him, Sirius was piling his plate high with treacle tart, while Peter was still whispering sweet nothings to the roast chicken.

And Remus was laughing. If he held any lingering resentment from his outburst the other week, he did not show it. In typical Remus fashion, he was acting like it had never happened. The full moon had been a few nights ago now, and he was still recovering, but tonight he was as cheerful as the rest of them. It was hard not to be, what with the brilliant show Hogwarts always put on for Halloween.

"So," said Remus, "you're finally done with the Mandrake leaf, are you? I no longer to have to wake to the sounds of retching at six a.m.?"

"No promises," said Sirius. "We did procure that beautiful bottle of Ogden's Old for tonight's celebration, and we all know Peter is a lightweight."

Peter expressed his indignation by choking on a large bite of chicken. "I can drink every bit as much as you!" he protested, after James gave him a good wallop on the back.

"Oh yeah? Tell that to Veronica Smethley. Oh wait, she won't talk to you ever since your hurled all over her shoes last year."

"That was one time, and there were extenuating circumstances, and I had already been feeling ill anyway…"

James laughed as Peter and Sirius continued to bicker. He gazed around the Great Hall, feeling very full and warm and fond of everyone. The Halloween feast was always a bit of spectacle, and this year was no exception. The Great Hall was done up in fine form: Flocks of bats swooped here and there in clusters near the ceiling, banners in black and orange fluttered behind the High Table, and enormous pumpkins had been carved into cavernous lanterns that sent sharp, flickering shadows across the walls.

His appreciative gaze landed at the end of the table where Mary Macdonald was tossing candies into Lily Evans' mouth — or was trying to, at least. She was doing a terrible job of it, hitting her laughing friend in the face almost every time. Finally, with some quick maneuvering, Lily managed to catch one. She threw her hands up in victory while the girls around her cheered. James felt a grin tug at his face.

"Oi, James!"

He returned his attention to his friends. "What?"

"Peter reckons he can outdrink me tonight. He's full of shit, right?"

James's grin broadened. "Only one way to find out."

A few hours later found the boys sprawled about their dormitory, a large bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhiskey being passed from hand to hand. The room was heavy with the languid pleasure of the well-fed and mildly intoxicated. James and Sirius had snuck out to Hogsmeade the evening before to procure their prized bottle of whiskey. A drop of aging draught and Sirius had walked right into the Hogs Head and purchased it without question. Then again, James suspected the barman didn't much care if you were fifteen or fifty. Even so, it had been thrilling.

"What exactly are we celebrating tonight?" asked Remus, who was laying sleepily on his stomach, draped over his bed.

James and Sirius exchanged a grin. Tonight was an important night. It marked the completion of the full cycle of the miserable Mandrake affair, which meant not only could they remove the rotten thing from their tongues, but more importantly: the final barrier on their road to becoming Animagi had been surmounted. They were so damn close.

They'd all made minor progress over the previous week. Sirius had at one point found himself covered in wiry black hair that was not, despite James's snide assertions to the contrary, merely a part of puberty. James, for his part, had discovered strange knobby growths on the top of his cranium, and it had taken a good deal of magic to make them go away. He wasn't sure what that meant, but it meant something.

"What are we celebrating?" repeated Sirius. "Why, the liberation of our poor tongues, naturally."

James raised the bottle in a toast, slightly giddy in his drunkenness. "Fare thee well, Mandragora, you rancid old bastard. May you never poison our palates again."

"Hear, hear," cheered Peter.

"To progress!"

"To pubescence!"

And they all fell back laughing, except for Remus who shook his head and muttered, "Why do I bother asking questions?"

"Because you've got a sharp, inquisitive mind, Moony," said Sirius, as he reclined comfortably on the floor against his bed, eyes shut, an easy smile on his face. "That'll get you into trouble one day, that will."

"I'm afraid it already has." Remus reached for the bottle of whiskey. "James, you've got to share. I'm still too sober to put up with you lot."

James snickered, took a final swig of whiskey, and stood to hand the bottle to Remus. He dropped himself onto the couch next to Peter, feeling an overwhelming sense of satisfaction...with life, with himself, with the whole world.

"I can't believe we actually managed it," whispered Peter. "A full month. I can still taste it, you know."

Yes, they'd actually managed it, as they'd managed so many other impossible feats on their quest to to become Animagi. He found himself reminiscing almost fondly on all the years of struggle, studying and searching, sneaking around the library, tricking Professor McGonagall into giving him access to the Restricted Section…She'd asked him after class one day what he'd thought of the book, and he'd had to play dumb, pretending like it had all gone over his head. This had irritated his ego, but it was a worthy sacrifice for the greater good…

A sharp yelp from Remus wrenched James from his reverie. He jumped to attention.

"What is it?"

"This is just firewhiskey, right?" said Remus, eyes wide and horrified.

"Yeah? Why?"

Remus raised a single, wavering finger and pointed across the room. "I think I'm hallucinating…but if I'm not, then Sirius just turned into a dog."

Both James and Peter, whose eyes had been locked on Remus, whipped their heads around to Sirius's bed. There, in precisely the spot where Sirius had been lounging moments before, sat a big, shaggy, black dog. It looked incredibly smug.

They all stared, then James said a bit hesitantly, "Sirius?"

The dog wagged its tail and barked twice.

James let out a whoop of delight and jumped up, punching a fist into the air. "You would!" he cried, bounding over to the dog. "You would do it before me, you absolute bastard!"

The dog gave a great woof in return and leapt forward onto James, knocking him to the floor with his gigantic paws. James laughed uproariously, and Peter joined in as well. The dog licked James's cheek once, then panted in his face.

"Euuugh. Sirius slobber. Get off!"

"Does someone want to tell me what's going on?" came Remus's rather high-pitched voice from behind them. "Because I feel like I'm going mad, and it's not a sensation I enjoy."

The dog sprung off James's chest ("Ooof," said James), and bounded over to Remus, full of joyful barking, the soft pound of paws against floorboards echoing through the room. He wagged his tail in delight as Remus gaped.

James followed him over and collapsed next to Remus on his bed, still giggling too hard to get any words out. The dog, evidently absorbing the high energy in the room, began to run in circles, chasing his tail.

"Seriously, what is going on?"

"It's — hehe — totally — ah ha ha — fine, Remus, really."

"Sirius is a dog," said Remus baldly. Clearly, this did not register as 'fine' in his book.

James and Peter looked at each other. Peter shrugged.

"Cat's out of the bag now, I suppose?"

"Dog, really."

James turned to Sirius the dog, who was still running in circles.

"Sirius — stop that and get over here. Sirius!"

The dog ignored him.

"Sirius! Sirius, COME!"

The dog stopped running and gave James a very dirty look.

"Well, if you're going to be a dog, you'll have to learn to heel, won't you?"

The dog growled.

"Should've thought of that before you became a dog."

"James is talking to a dog who is Sirius," said Remus weakly to Peter, who nodded and patted him gently on the arm.

"I don't care about your dignity, mate, you just chased your own tail about twenty times. Now get over here!"

The dog plodded over and sat with a whine directly before the three boys.

"Good dog," said Peter, and Sirius growled at him.

"Okay," said James, getting up off the bed and standing theatrically next to Sirius the dog, as though he were about to perform tricks. "We were going to tell you once we'd all managed it, but someone is a show-off and had to have a go before the rest of us. But never mind, we'll get there soon. There's nothing Sirius can do that I can't. I'm just — I'm not that good at meditating, to tell you the truth."

Remus looked at him blankly. "What?"

"We're becoming Animagi!" Peter blurted out.

"What?"

"Animagi," said James impatiently. "Look! Sirius is a dog!"

"I…see that," replied Remus in a faint voice. "But why?"

James sat back down on the bed next to him, grinning. "It's brilliant, Remus, listen: Werewolf bites only affect humans. Other animals can't be infected with lycanthropy."

"…So?"

"So we're becoming Animagi," said James slowly, as though speaking to someone suffering from shock (which he supposed Remus probably was), "because if we're animals, then we can go with you."

"Go with me…where?"

"Where do you think? To the Shrieking Shack, obviously. We'll come with you on the full moons, and you can't hurt us because we'll be animals."

Remus's jaw fell open. He gaped at them all for a moment, eyes flitting between James and Peter and Sirius the dog. "You — you can't possibly mean — you're mad," he whispered, eyes wide as saucers.

"It's not mad," said James. "It's brilliant."

"I can't believe — James! This is definitely illegal."

"Only a little."

"Oh my god. You're going to go to Azkaban."

"No, we're not. No one is going to know."

"No one is going to know that Sirius is a giant dog now? Can he even change back?"

"Oh," said James, turning to the dog. "Hadn't thought of that. Sirius, can you change back?"

The dog barked, and then there was a very strange moment as dog turned back into boy, and suddenly Sirius sat sprawled on the dormitory floor, hair swept about his face as if he had just jumped off a broomstick. He took one look at their faces and began to laugh.

"Oh, cool. The spell to keep your clothes worked too," observed James. "That's handy."

Sirius pushed himself into a more comfortable position. "That was wild. Wild."

"What was it like?" asked Peter eagerly.

Sirius thought about this. "Like being a dog, but still with a human mind, but…with a dog in it. Like my human thoughts were mixed with dog thoughts."

"Hence the tail-chasing," nodded James.

"Yeah, that was fun."

"I guess that explains what all that black fur was about last week. Merlin," James tapped his cranium nervously. "What does that mean for me? I'm going to have horns?"

"I always thought you'd make a good goat," said Sirius.

"I'm not a goat."

"Can we please get back to the part where you're all illegal Animagi?"

They all turned towards Remus, who was clearly still struggling with this revelation. He watched them wide-eyed from his bed, mouth slightly open as though he'd forgotten how to shut it.

Sirius grinned. "Only one of us so far. And don't worry, Moony! No one knows, and no one is going to know. We haven't told a soul what we're doing."

"So…so this is why you've been meditating?"

They all nodded.

"And…the Mandrake leaves?"

"Worst month ever," groaned Peter.

"Oh my god."

"Moony," said Sirius sternly as he stood up from the floor. "Stop it. Stop worrying. We've got this completely under control."

"But—"

"I said stop it."

"But I—"

"Shh!"

Remus looked around at them all, overwhelmed and completely stunned. "Okay but did you all just wake up one morning and think 'Hmm, nothing much on today, might as well become illegal Animagi?'" He said all of this very quickly before Sirius could cut him off, and they all laughed.

"Are you kidding?" said James. "We've been working on this since second year."

"You…what? Really?"

James nodded. "Ever since we found out you were a werewolf. Took us a bit to come up with the idea, sure, but then we read that about animals being immune to lycanthropy and we thought, why not?"

"I — I really have no idea what to say," said Remus weakly.

"We didn't tell you sooner," explained Sirius, "because we knew you'd worry. Like you're doing now, even though I told you quite firmly to stop it."

"Yeah," agreed James, "and also we really wanted to see your face. Which — you did not disappoint, mate."

Remus seemed to be on the verge of some strange, unspeakable emotion, but before he could find the words to verbalize it, James said: "All right — Sirius, what did you do differently this time? I want to have a go."

Sirius shrugged. "Nothing, really. Must be the Mandrake effect. You've just got to…you know, focus, and then…poof."

"Poof?"

"Technically speaking, yes."

"I don't know how to poof," complained James. Ignoring Sirius's sniggers, he went over to his own bed, sat down, and closed his eyes. He could feel the weight of their eager gazes upon him. It was very distracting. After a moment, he opened an eye and glared back. "Stop looking at me."

He closed his eyes again. Focus.

"Peter," he heard Remus say, a slightly awed tone to his voice, "you're in on this too? It's madness."

"Yeah," agreed Peter, "but it's also pretty brilliant. You'll see."

James sighed, loudly. "Am I rhinoceros yet?"

"No."

"Bugger."

Nor was he a rhinoceros the next day, or even a goat the week after that. Try as he might, his own Animagus form eluded him. This was infuriating and highly demoralizing. He couldn't quite bear that Sirius had done it and he, James, had not.

Perhaps he was pushing himself too hard. That's what Peter suggested. It was true that James was exhausted. Quidditch practice had become ever more intensive, and the heavy load of his O.W.L. coursework was increasingly crushing. Add non-stop and overzealous Animagi practice to the mix, and it was a small wonder he got out of bed in the morning at all.

But James was determined, and so, as he returned from a particularly grueling Quidditch practice, bones aching, head pounding, he dropped into bed intent not on the much-desired sleep, but on an hour or so of meditation. The trick was to completely empty your mind, which seemed to be something that James Potter was exceptionally bad at. It wasn't his fault he had so much going on in there.

He tried counting to seven, like Sirius had suggested, breathing slowly in and out…focusing on the spell…in and out…his body was heavy and his bed so soft…in and out…and soon, the siren call of sleep quickly claimed him.

He dreamed he was flying high over the castle, the lake a glassy blur below. He was looking for Sirius, who'd run off as a dog, and Peter, who'd turned into an antelope. Both his friends had managed the spell without him and left him on his own.

Feeling very hard done by, he dove towards the Quidditch pitch, landing with a soft thud on the lawn. But there was no one there, so he tried the locker room, flinging open the door, calling out his friends' names…and suddenly, as he rounded a corner through the endless rows of metal lockers, there was Lily Evans, leaning against the wall, her nose in a book.

She looked up as he approached.

"What are you doing here?" asked James, frowning at her.

"For your information," said Dream Lily Evans, "I happen to like Quidditch."

Then, with a coy smirk, she tossed her book aside and slipped off her robes to reveal lingerie that was strikingly similar to a certain Muggle magazine Sirius had acquired last year…

"Or at least, I like Quidditch players."

And then, in a shock of lips, she was kissing him — furiously — her hands in his hair, her breath fogging up his glasses. She was unbuckling his trousers, and —

James awoke with a gasp.

"Oh, fuck."