Author's note: Thank you everyone who keeps coming back. Thank you to all my reviewers. I appreciate you all so much. I hope you will all stick with me until the end.
Kohaku didn't know how long he sat there, the others let him mourn for a long time. Maybe they were mourning, too. Maybe they had left. He didn't turn around to look. He didn't care. It didn't matter. The world outside of his sphere of grief could have crumbled away and he wouldn't have noticed. He had been plunged back into the darkness, that all consuming chasm of despair, only this time there would be no fireflies to guide him out. Hotaru's light had vanished from the world. All Kohaku could do was cradle her body and wonder how everything went so horribly wrong.
"It's getting dark." Miroku's voice pulled Kohaku back to the real world. "We should get back to the village."
Kohaku nodded. He lifted Hotaru's body into his arms and stood up on shaky legs.
"I can carry her." Inuyasha offered. His voice was far gentler than Kohaku had ever heard it.
"No." Kohaku replied, "I'm fine." But he stumbled under her weight and fell to his knees. He tried to stand again but slipped in the blood that now soaked the grass.
Miroku stepped forward. The monk took off the sash he normally wore around his robes and draped it over Hotaru's body. Then he picked her up, cradling her tenderly in his arms.
"I will carry her." Miroku said, "You walk with Sango." Kohaku didn't have much of a choice but to agree. His sister put her arm around him and pulled him close to her.
It wasn't a long walk back to the village. Most of the villagers were already turned in for the night, but Rin, Shippo, and Kaede were waiting up for the group to return. Rin jumped up excitedly when she saw the group, but her face faltered and fell when she saw the blood covering Sango and Kohaku. Rin ran forward.
"What happened? Where's Hotaru?"
Lady Kaede pulled the little girl back before she could get too close, the old woman knew the answer just by looking at the groups' faces. Rin's eyes found the bundle in Miroku's arms and her face contorted in horror as she suddenly understood.
"No! She's not...? NO!"
No one in the group replied. Their silence was confirmation. Rin started fighting against Kaede.
"NO! NO! NO!" Screamed Rin. "Hotaru!"
Kagome walked forward and wrapped her arms around Rin, trying to comfort her.
"Come inside." Kaede said to the others, leading them into the village storehouse. Kaede's house had been destroyed, the storehouse was the next safest place for them to congregate. The group followed the old priestess inside.
Miroku gently laid the bundle containing Hotaru's body down on the floor, and knelt to offer a prayer.
"Hotaru became possessed by Magatsuhi..." Miroku explained to Kaede, "She feared what would happen should her powers fall under his control. So she chose to give her life in order to destroy him."
Kaede nodded, "I believed her to be the kind of person who would do anything in order to protect the ones she loved. But I am saddened that her resolve led to this." The old woman sighed. "Sango, Kagome, will ye help me prepare her body for burial? We will sit vigil for her tonight and bury her in the morning."
"We can't bury her." Kohaku said. The others looked at him in surprise, he didn't look back at them. "I promised her I wouldn't. Naraku's still out there, along with countless others who could discover the powers she had and want to use her. If we bury her, Naraku could take possession of her body and force her back to life the way he did with me. She didn't want that. And neither do I. I refuse to let her be forced into becoming a pawn of Naraku."
"What do you want to do, then?" Sango asked, gently, "Cremate her?"
"That's no guarantee..." Inuyasha said darkly, "Kikyo's body was burned..."
"She told me to burn her body and scatter the ashes in the river." He would have liked to at least be able to honor her remains, but he knew they couldn't risk that. She was too powerful.
"If that was her wish, then that's what we shall do." Kaede replied simply.
Miroku put his hand on Kohaku's shoulder. "Come on. Let the women work. You should change. You're still covered in blood."
Kohaku nodded and allowed the monk to lead him down to the river. He washed the blood from his clothes and face.
The river was dark and quiet.
Every night since Hotaru appeared in his life, Kohaku had seen fireflies at night. It didn't matter where they were, fireflies would always gather around her. When he first noticed it he had teased her a little, because of her name. Soon it became clear that it wasn't simply a coincidence, that fireflies were just inexplicably attracted to her. He filed it away as just another odd thing about her. Over time the abundance of fireflies just became a normal part of the night.
Not a single firefly was visible tonight.
The darkness was overwhelming.
Rin ran down next to Kohaku. The young girl's face was tearstained and distraught.
"But, Kohaku...Lord Sesshomaru can bring her back to life, can't he? We just need to find him and ask!"
"It won't work." Kohaku said, his voice dry with defeat.
"But we could ask! I'm sure he'll say yes, I'm sure of it!"
"Rin." said Kohaku, "It won't work. There are certain people even Lord Sesshomaru can't call back to life. Hotaru is one of them."
Rin's face crumpled in anguish.
Kohaku walked away. He was unable to comfort her. His own pain was too unbearable for him to console Rin.
Images of Hotaru's dying face were burned into his mind.
He couldn't even avenge her. He shouldn't have been surprised that she turned out to be the kind of person who died taking her killer down with her. She just couldn't leave this world with unfinished business.
Kohaku watched from a distance as Miroku comforted Rin and Shippo. He vaguely wondered how Lord Sesshomaru would react when the news finally reached him. Would he care? Kohaku had never deluded himself into thinking the demon cared one bit for him. He was tolerated at best. Rin was the only one that Lord Sesshomaru was actually concerned about. Yet Hotaru had saved Rin's life, and the two girls were almost as close as sisters. Lord Sesshomaru would punish Jaken for speaking ill to Hotaru, just as he did for upsetting Rin. And when Kohaku had attacked Hotaru under Naroku's control, the demon nearly killed Jaken for allowing her to get injured.
Would he be angered at her death? If he arrived tonight he would try to revive her? Yes. Kohaku knew the demon at least cared enough to do that. But Kohaku also knew what he told Rin was true. Tenseiga wouldn't have any effect on Hotaru. She was beyond its reach.
But she didn't die alone. He tried to comfort himself. She chose how she died. She used her death as an act of defiance. She won her battle. She died in my arms, knowing she was loved. She wasn't alone...as horrible as it was, she wasn't alone...she wasn't alone...she wasn't alone... It was a hollow consolation.
He jumped a little when a hand touched his shoulder. Inuyasha was standing behind him.
"Kaede sent me to get you." Inuyasha said. "The girls are done. You can sit with her now."
Kohaku nodded. He walked back to the village storehouse. The air was heavy with the scent of herbs and incense.
Hotaru was laying on a bed of dried flowers and herbs. They had changed her into a white kimono, the right side folded over the left. Her face was washed clean of all the dirt and blood. Her hair had been carefully brushed. Her hands were placed on her stomach. They had put red powder on her cheeks and painted her lips to attempt to combat the paleness of death, but all it accomplished was making the unpowdered part of her face look whiter in comparison. He put his hand over hers. All the warm had gone from her body, leaving her skin like ice.
"She looks like she's sleeping..." A quiet voice came from the door. Rin was holding on to Miroku's robe.
She doesn't. Kohaku thought. She always slept on her side, and her face would always twitch when she dreamed.
"She looks so peaceful..." commented Shippo. Both younger kids still had tears freely running down their faces.
Miroku gently touched the children's heads to comfort them. "She is at peace now. She won't have to fight anymore."
Rin sobbed a little. She went over to sit next to Kohaku.
"Did you hear that, Hotaru?" Rin asked, her voice weak and unsteady. "You don't have to fight anymore."
"Lady Kaede and I will keep a barrier around the house all night." Miroku vowed. "We'll keep her hidden and protected from any demons or soul stealers. Inuyasha will keep guard as well. You can keep vigil without worry."
"Thank you." Kohaku murmured.
His sister wrapped her arms around him. It made him feel like a child. He debated pushing her away, trying to act brave, but then he realized that she wasn't holding him to comfort him. She was holding him to comfort herself. Even though Hotaru had begged her to, it was still Sango who delivered the killing blow. She would carry that guilt with her for the rest of her life. The same way Kohaku would carry the guilt of killing their father for the rest of his.
Kagome held Rin and Shippo in her lap. As the night wore on, Shippo's eyes struggled to stay open and he fell asleep curled against Kagome's leg. Rin was starting to nod off when the door opened. Lord Sesshomaru loomed in the doorway, his eyes hard and displeased.
"Lord Sesshomaru!" Rin cried, running to the demon. "Please, my lord...Hotaru...you can save her, can't you?"
"Jaken!" Snapped the demon sharply. "Did I not instruct you to keep the children safe?"
Jaken gulped, "Well...yes, my lord, but you see Hotaru ran off and I stayed with Rin..."
"It was my fault, Lord Sesshomaru." Kohaku admitted, not taking his eyes off his best friend's body. "I couldn't protect her. She's dead because I couldn't defeat Magatsuhi on my own." Tears once more burned in his eyes.
Lord Sesshomaru didn't speak. He stepped forward and drew his sword. Kohaku dared to hope what he told Rin would turn out to be wrong. He hoped more than anything that Lord Sesshomaru would be able to awaken Hotaru. But when the demon's eyes narrowed and he looked down at his sword in annoyance Kohaku knew the reason why.
"It won't work." He said, the others looked at him. "Tenseiga can't bring someone back to life if they'd already been brought back from the dead once before. That's what the demons of the underworld told us. Hotaru was killed when she was a child, her princess brought her back to life."
Rin started crying again, harder this time than before. Lord Sesshomaru looked angry.
"Where is Magatsuhi?" He demanded.
"He's dead." Kagome replied. "Hotaru died taking him down."
Without another word Lord Sesshomaru turned and left the hut. Rin cried after him.
"Let him go, Rin." Sango told her. "I doubt anything will stop him from finding Naraku now."
Rin whined but sat back down. Kohaku knew Sango was right. It didn't matter if Lord Sesshomaru ever actually felt any compassion for Hotaru or not. Even if he felt nothing towards her other than seeing her as a playmate for Rin, he had taken her under his protection. If nothing else her death was an insult to his pride. He wouldn't take that lying down. He would want vengeance, and if he couldn't take it on Magatsuhi, he would stop at nothing to take it on Naraku.
As midnight passed Rin finally nodded off to sleep. Inuyasha came in to convince Kagome to get some rest. She protested at first but ended up falling asleep on his shoulder. Sango stayed awake with Kohaku all night. He couldn't even think of sleeping. Every time he closed his eyes he saw the terror in Hotaru's face as she looked up at him in her final moments.
Dawn broke, after what felt like an eternity. Miroku entered looking tired but steady.
"Inuyasha," the monk said, nudging his friend awake. "It's morning."
The half-demon nodded.
"Hey, Kagome, Shippo, Rin." He woke the three sleeping party members.
Rin looked confused for a few seconds after waking then her eyes became sad.
"I thought it might have been a dream..." The little girl said. Kagome hugged her comfortingly.
"We built a pyre for her last night." Miroku told the group. "It's time to say goodbye."
Rin sobbed some more, Shippo whimpered. Kohaku felt himself shaking. Sango put her hand on his shoulder. He swallowed a lump in his throat. This was the last time he would ever see her face...it wasn't even her face now. It was too still, too clean, too painted up in an attempt to make her look less dead. Her face was a broad smile, or a glare of anger, or maybe a smug little grin. Her face was always dirty and sweaty but full of color and life. Her violet eyes sparkling like the stars she had once lived on.
"Kohaku..." Sango whispered.
Kohaku didn't speak. He had thought that he'd run out of tears, but somehow more found their way to his eyes. He took Hotaru's hand one last time. He wanted to tell her something. He didn't know what. That he would keep his promise? That they would defeat Naraku for her? That he loved her? His throat was too constricted for such words.
I'll never forget you. Goodbye.
Miroku took a white cloth and draped it over her body. He picked up one side of her mat, Inuyasha picked up the other. They carried her away.
Kohaku and the others followed them. The sun was just barely up. Miroku and Inuyasha set Hotaru's body on the pyre constructed a few yards from the storehouse. It was well made, in the middle were the few possessions Hotaru had. Her weapon. The outfit that she died in, now stained with blood. The heart shaped brooch that attached to her bow. Above that was a casket meticulously woven from willow branches. That's where they put Hotaru. Then they covered it with more wood and reeds. They had to make sure the fire burnt hot and long so that nothing would be left. Kaede poured a jar of oil over the pyre and offered up a prayer.
Kaede picked up a torch and lit it from a cooking fire.
"Ye were the closest to her." She told Kohaku. "Ye should be the one to light it."
Kohaku took the torch from her. He almost felt as if someone else was in charge of his body as he walked up, he hesitated. Once he started the fire, she would really be gone forever. It would be final...
She is already gone. It is final...even Lord Sesshomaru couldn't bring her back... He didn't remember moving, but he must have because next thing he knew the reeds had started on fire. Within seconds the oil caught and the whole pyre was ablaze.
He stood transfixed, watching the flames as they greedily devoured the wood. The oil turned the flames blue. He was standing too close, Sango pulled him back gently.
"Ye all should get some rest." Kaede advised, "I will have a villager tend to the fire. It will be a few hours now."
"Come on, Kohaku." Sango said.
"You go in." Kohaku told her, "I would like to stay out here."
"You've been up all night." Sango protested.
"I'm fine."
"Kohaku..."
"Sango," Miroku said. "Let him be. He needs time alone."
Reluctantly the others left him, he sat down in the grass. The heat from the flames, hot on his face. Villagers slowly filtered out of their homes, wondering what was going on, asking who had died. He didn't reply. At a couple of points he fell asleep. But each time his dreams woke him.
The others woke around midday. Sango tried to convince him again to come inside and rest, but he refused. So instead they sat by him. It was evening by the time they finally allowed the fire to start to burn out. Even after the last of the flames died no one moved. The group just sat in silence for a while.
Finally Miroku spoke. "It should be cool enough to gather up the ashes now. Are you sure you don't want to bury them?"
Kohaku shook his head.
"I promised her." He said. "She doesn't want there to be any chance of anyone using her ashes the way they used Lady Kikyo's."
Miroku nodded. "Alright. Then let's go." All of them helped gather the ashes and put them in a jar, but Rin stopped with a small gasp halfway through.
"Kohaku..." She said. Her hands were still, she seemed to have uncovered something.
Kohaku's heart lurched in fear. He recalled a few times when he was a kid, cremating a warrior only to find bone fragments left behind. It had always frightened him as a child. He didn't think he could handle seeing a piece of her left in the ash, a charred bone fragment that couldn't even be identified anymore. It would be so much worse if Rin was the one to find it. But when Kohaku looked, he saw that it wasn't a bone. Instead, Rin had uncovered Hotaru's heart-shaped broach. It was caked with ash, but remarkably still intact. Kohaku picked it up and cradled it in his hands. It was still warm from the fire. He tucked it into his pocket. It was all he had left of her. He would keep it with him forever.
When the jar was full he lifted it up.
"We don't have to do it right now." Sango told him.
"Yes, we do." Kohaku replied. He carried the jar to the river. Rin kept close to one side, Sango to the other. He waded shin deep into the water. Tears fell into the ash. Slowly, he tipped the jar out and let the river carry her ashes away.