Author's notes:

Hi, I'm back! Sorry it took so long, life happened and time got away from me. I hope these chapters were worth the wait!

When I uploaded chapters 19 and 20 they turned out to be unreadable due to some sort of formatting issue. Fortunately, Morte Mistrata pointed it out in a review minutes after the upload and I was able to fix it right away. Thanks Morte Mistrata!

Review responses:

Caitybug13 – yes, kintsugi was where I was going the whole time. ^.^

I mentioned before that there were two quotes that inspired this story, the first was Elizabeth Smart's quote of the broken vase metaphor. The other was about kintsugi. The quote itself turned out not to work for the story (and anyhow I lost it and can't even remember who said it or what the exact wording was), but the quote itself doesn't matter since I was able find info about kintsugi online. Anyhow, I always planned that Haruhi would see herself as a broken and therefore worthless vase and Tamaki (and maybe the others) would show her that she was a strong and beautiful kintsugi vase.

MurphytheProphet, you mentioned kintsugi in a review after chapter 11, and 16th-of-a-twigg, you mentioned it in your chapter 12 review (though neither of you did it by name). You two are too smart for your own good! Or should I say, too smart for my own good, Lol! I was afraid my story was too predictable. Fortunately, others didn't see it that way.

Now on to the story!

Broken Vase Chap 19

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

I wish I could have saved you from being attacked, my sweet Haruhi, but there's only so much I can do from this side. I am doing everything I can for you, my precious one, I promise.

"Mom? Is that you?"

. . .

"Mom?"

. . .

"It was you, wasn't it, Mom? You nudged me subconsciously to wear the shorts with pockets and have my cell phone on me so I could call my friends for help when I was lost, right, Mom?"

I am doing everything I can for you. I love you, sweetheart . . .

The voice inside Haruhi's head faded away. Haruhi called out for her mom a few more times, but received no answer.

Gradually Haruhi became aware that she was in a new place. Where she had been before she did not know, she just knew she had heard her mom's voice. She tried to recall if she had seen her mom's face, but the more she tried, the more the knowledge drained from her mind like water through her fingers. Soon all knowledge faded away, and Haruhi had no memories of what came before or thoughts of what would come later. She was only conscious of the black fog that surrounded her as she walked and the gnawing feeling of dread growing in her stomach.

The fog thinned a little, and Haruhi could finally tell where she was. That cat-shaped cave – the place she went to every time she closed her eyes. No, she thought in despair. No, no please! Not again, not this again!

The fog thinned a little more and she could see a figure walking towards her. Her insides froze. Though the fog obscured the figure's appearance, she knew who it had to be. *Him.* It was always *him.* She had nightmares of him every single night since he attacked her. The nightmares were always the same. She would find herself in the cave, surrounded by darkness and covered in filth. He would come, looking part human and part demon, ten feet tall with horns, claws, and fangs, and a cruel look on his face that seared her soul.

"No! This is a dream, I know it's a dream! Wake up, Haruhi, wake up!" she screamed out loud. She shut her eyes as tightly as she could and yanked them open again. It was a trick she learned as a child. When she put that much effort into closing and opening her dream eyes, her real eyes would open too, and she would wake up. Yet now she didn't wake. She never woke when she had this nightmare – not until it had played itself out to its horrible conclusion. Nor could she change anything about the nightmare. She was as helpless in this dream cave as she had been in the real one.

She still couldn't see the figure through the fog, but she knew what would happen when she did. Every night when she saw him, she would freeze. She wanted to run, but her body would never cooperate. She would look down to see that her body had turned into the vase that was always in her mind, in shape, design, and, most importantly, substance. Then he would come – towering over her and leering down at her – and break her.

Sometimes he carried a hammer and would strike her with it, over and over and over again, causing her to crack and eventually shatter. Or sometimes he would laugh the way he had in real life, only louder and harsher. The sound was so intense it was almost a physical thing, and it was what made her crack and shatter. No matter the method used, when she shattered, the world would go completely black and she would be left crying.

"Wake up, wake up, wake up!" she screamed out loud to herself. Instead of waking, though, she felt the dream somehow become more real. Already her body was turning into a fragile vase, just like it always did. She was unable to move, just like she always was. Though the figure hadn't come close enough for her to see him yet, she felt her porcelain body split into several horrible cracks. She knew that once he got to her, he would shatter her completely, and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

Then something completely unexpected happened. The fog, which had been black and scary, turned white and comforting. The darkness, which had surrounded her with an almost physical pressure, was replaced by a celestial brightness. She realized that she was no longer in a dark cave, but was instead floating in a fluffy cloud. Breaks in the cloud let bars of sunlight fall upon her.

My rays of sunshine, Haruhi thought in wonder.

As she thought this, recent memories of her two human rays of sunshine filled her mind.

Hikaru and Kaoru, that awful night at the beach house, holding her during the thunderstorm and singing her to sleep.

Kaoru, after dinner at the Hitachiin mansion, hugging her and telling her that nothing anybody says about her or does to her would change how he felt about her.

Hikaru, finding out what really had happened to her, becoming tongue-tied and awkward but still wanting to comfort her, simply hugging her and saying she was his best friend.

Hikaru and Kaoru together, treating her as their friend rather than their toy, showing her how they've grown because of her influence, making her feel special, warming her with their light in her darkness.

The memories passed through Haruhi's mind and made her smile. Her thoughts turned to Mori and Hunny.

Mori, in the luxury van right after she had been attacked, holding her against his chest, comforting her with his stability.

Hunny, during the host club meeting, cuddling up to her on the couch like a little kid, soothing her with his childlike warmth and affection.

Mori, going out of his way to pick her up for school, telling her he was there for her, assuaging her fear that she was a liability.

Hunny and Mori together, sitting with her under the sakura trees at Ouran, filling her heart with their love and friendship, and making her realize how silly her fears of them abandoning her had been.

When the last memory passed before her mind's eye, her thoughts naturally turned to the final pair of her best friends.

Tamaki and Kyoya, in the hours after the attack, each talking her down when she was panicking in terror, assuring her she was safe.

Tamaki, leading the male hosts in kneeling down before her in a ceremony of honor, praising her in front of the whole school for her valiancy in defending the princesses, then hugging her and calling her his friend.

Kyoya, giving her a ride home as a favor to her father, holding her hand and telling her he wanted to ease her pain, encouraging her to talk to someone like Tamaki who could help her better than he could.

Tamaki, in his inept way, trying to coach her in responding to the princesses who sent her gifts, then helping her by teaching her about Buddha and meditation.

Tamaki and Kyoya together, coming to get her when she was lost, teaching her about the beauty of broken things, using kintsugi to show her that she was strong, that she had value, that she had worth . . .

That she wasn't shattered after all.

As that last thought passed through her mind, the figure in the fog reached her. A sense of relief washed over Haruhi, because she saw who it was now. It wasn't the demon man of her nightmares as she had feared, but rather her six best friends. There was only one figure, but somehow that one figure was Hikaru, Kaoru, Mori, Hunny, Tamaki, and Kyoya. She wasn't puzzled by this. Somehow, in this place, it made sense.

The figure smiled at her. She couldn't really see him – the form was too insubstantial for her to make out any of his features – yet she perceived that it was so. The figure took her hands in his (theirs?) and a feeling of comfort, cleansing, and love spread from the touch into her whole body. Still holding her hands with both of his, the figure somehow touched her heart and began pouring platinum lacquer into her. She was aware that she had the form of a vase but also of her own body. That, too, made sense in this place. Her body and soul were so broken she felt there were more cracks than whole parts of her, yet the lacquer her six best friends poured into her body – the love and care they poured into her heart – filled her with warmth and brightness. It mended the cracks, and gave her a sense of wholeness.

As the platinum lacquer filled her, she noticed that it filled her torso, arms, and head, but not her legs. As she thought of this, she became aware for the first time that her legs were already filled with warmth and brightness, albeit a somewhat different from that which now filled her upper body. She looked down and saw that her legs were covered in cracks – even more cracks than her upper body – but those cracks had been filled in with gold. She knew those cracks came from being shattered as child by the loss of her mother, and the gold lacquer was the love of her father and others who helped her through it.

She pondered her legs for what could have been a second or an eternity, and realized that while they had been damaged, they still stood, still held her up. A memory came to Haruhi of when she was little and had tried to make a clay animal in art class. Something happened, and the clay animal just fell apart in her hands. She tried to glue the pieces back together, but whenever she touched the clay, it only crumbled further. The material had absolutely no strength to it, and so no amount of glue could make it hold a substantial shape again. Haruhi looked down at her dream legs and realized that if they had been made of a material as weak as that clay, then they, too, would have crumbled completely when something happened to them, and no amount of adhesive could have fixed them. But their material was strong. Haruhi was strong. When her mother died she broke, yes. Shattered, maybe. But she hadn't crumbled, not completely. She hadn't been destroyed. Her essence remained, and with the love of her father and others she had been able to carry on. She also realized that the the inner strength that she thought had been stolen from her that horrible day in the cave was still there. It just took her friends to help her see that.

She looked up into the eyes of Hikaru, Kaoru, Mori, Hunny, Tamaki, and Kyoya, and her heart filled with peace. Her world went white and she was left smiling.

My precious Haruhi, ever since I had to leave you, I have done everything I can to help you from this side. I have led you to many people in your life's journey. I led you to these boys because they needed you, and you needed them. Now I will lead you to another who needs you, just as you need them. I wish I could be there for you in the flesh, but remember I am always watching over you. I love you, my daughter . . .

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

The voice of her mother lingered in her ears as Haruhi slowly opened her eyes. Hearing her mother's voice in her dreams was bittersweet, and she felt a pang of loss when it was gone. Yet the main thing she felt as she lay there was a sense of contentment and peace.

She looked around and saw, to her surprise, that it was still nighttime. The clock on the nightstand read 2:46 am. Snuggling further under the covers, Haruhi closed her eyes, hoping to return to dreams of her mother.

After twenty minutes, she was still wide awake. Sighing, Haruhi climbed out of bed and put on the pair of plush slippers and fluffy bathrobe the Ohtoris kept on hand for guests. 'Another way the Ohtori houses are like fancy hotels,' she thought. Of course, the Ohtoris did own a string of luxury resorts, so she guessed it made sense. She went outside into the hall, expecting to see her overnight bag sitting there. Though Kyoya's mother had left to get Haruhi's things from her apartment before Haruhi was even found, she still hadn't returned by the time Haruhi went to bed. Tamaki told her that when Mrs. Ohtori did return, she would have a servant leave Haruhi's bag by the door. The fact that it wasn't there both surprised and disappointed Haruhi. She had hoped to find it waiting for her with her sleep medication inside. Even with her pleasant dream and the exhausting day she'd had, she doubted she would be able to find sleep again tonight without it.

Perhaps Tamaki was wrong and Mrs. Ohtori had left Haruhi's bag downstairs. The only other explanation was that Mrs. Ohtori still hadn't returned, but that was unlikely. Haruhi's apartment wasn't that far away, and even drunk it wouldn't take Ranka much time to pack an overnight bag for his daughter. Certainly not several hours. So she decided to go downstairs to look.

First, though, she went back into her room to retrieve the dishes left over from her bedtime tea. There was no sense in making a servant go out of their way to clean them up when she could do it herself. Picking up the teapot, cup, and saucer brought the lingering smell of chamomile to her nose, making her smile. She had really enjoyed drinking the hot, calming tea after her hot, calming bath. She enjoyed it all the more so knowing that Kyoya was the one who ordered both the tea and the bath be prepared for her. Haruhi knew that Kyoya was being trained up to run the Ohtori resorts someday, and so he was probably taught to make sure there was tea and a bath ready for all his overnight guests, not just her. Yet she couldn't help but be touched by the small act of kindness.

Haruhi went downstairs and found that there was enough light coming in through the windows that she didn't have to turn on any lights. In the dimness, she searched around the entryway, the library, and the living room (was it still called a living room when it was this large and formal?) but didn't find her bag. She wandered the halls, looking in every office and peeking behind every door, hoping that if she couldn't find her bag she could at least find the kitchen. That way she could clean up her dishes and maybe get a glass of warm milk.

Eventually, she came to a room with large bar. Even with the starlight streaming through the windows, the room was still too dark for Haruhi to see anything. She flicked on the light, then jumped as she saw a woman sitting at the bar, no longer hidden in the darkness. The woman blinked and shielded her eyes with her hand.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you," Haruhi apologized, immediately turning the light back off. "I thought this room was empty. I was just looking for the kitchen."

"No, don't worry about it," the woman replied. "Here, let me find . . ." she trailed off as her hand found a dimmer switch and turned the lights on just bright enough for the two to see each other comfortably. The first thing the Haruhi noticed was the drink in the woman's hand and the bottle next to it, and she flushed with embarrassment. Obviously the woman had wanted to drink alone in the dark, and just as obviously Haruhi had intruded on something that was none of her business.

"You don't have to turn on the light for me," she said uncomfortably. "I just want to go get some warm milk and put these away." She held up the dishes in her hand. "Just point me towards the kitchen and I'll get out of your hair."

The woman smiled slightly at her and said, "You're ok. It's refreshing to meet someone who cleans up after themselves instead of making servants do it." She stood up and took the dishes from Haruhi. "Have a seat," she said, gesturing to an empty bar stool. "I'll put these in the kitchen and make us some warm milk."

The woman's friendly invitation made some of Haruhi's embarrassment go away, but not all of it.

As the woman disappeared through a side doorway, Haruhi sat on the bar stool and settled herself down to wait, figuring it would take time for the woman to warm milk on the stove. Yet only a minute later the woman returned carrying a tray with two steaming mugs and a plate of cheese and crackers. Haruhi inwardly shook her head, realizing she should have known better. Of course the woman would be able to bring back warm milk that fast. She was rich. She probably had some sort of fancy appliance to do everything for her in the blink of an eye.

The woman set everything on the bar and took her seat on the stool next to Haruhi. As the two sipped from their mugs, she asked, "Can't sleep?"

"No," Haruhi replied. She slumped tiredly. "I was able to sleep for a little bit, but then I woke up and I can't fall back asleep. I wish I had my sleeping pills with me. I'm hoping warm milk will help." Suddenly her eyes widened a bit and she said, "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm being rude, aren't I? I haven't introduced myself. I'm Haruhi Fujioka. I'm a friend of Kyoya's." She gave the woman a little bow.

The woman returned the bow and said, "I'm Kyoya's sister, Fuyumi Shido." With a warm smile, she added, "I've heard so much about you. It's good to finally meet you."

Haruhi's eyebrows went up in surprise. "Kyoya told you about me?" she asked.

Fuyumi gave a small laugh and replied, "No, not him. Tamaki. He talks about you all the time."

"So you and Tamaki are friends?" Haruhi asked as she spread some cheese on a cracker.

"Yes. He's such a wonderful boy. He loves commoner food just as much as I do, and we eat at commoner restaurants a lot. I wish Kyoya would come along, but he's not much into things like that," Fuyumi said affectionately.

Haruhi nodded in understanding. She took a bite of a cheese-covered cracker and ended up dropping half of it down the neck of her nightgown. "Whoops," she said, reaching her hand inside it to brush at the crumbs. Suddenly she felt gawky and awkward. She had learned a little refinement from being a host at her prestigious high school, yet all that refinement went out the window now that she was tired.

If Fuyumi noticed Haruhi's lack of grace she didn't show it. Instead, she looked Haruhi up and down and said with a pleased smile, "I'm glad to see you wearing my old nightgown. I can't fit into it anymore, and it looks very becoming on you."

Haruhi blushed a little and said, "Thank you. I found it on the guest bed when I came out of the bath."

"Yes. When my mother informed me you were spending the night, I set it out for you, along with the robe and slippers," Fuyumi explained. Then she paused and looked down. "I know you would probably rather have thick wool pajama pants and a long-sleeved, high neck, thick wool pajama top, but I'm afraid I didn't have any here. I'm sorry. I should have sent a servant to my house to get you some. I still can if you like. They might be a bit big for you, though . . ." she trailed off and reached for her glass of wine, but visibly forced herself to stop and take a sip from her mug of milk instead.

"No, that's alright. It's not cold in my room. This nightgown is warm enough," Haruhi said, her voice hinting at her confusion over why Fuyumi would offer such thick sleepwear in this warm weather.

"Uh, no . . . I mean . . . it's not the warmth . . . I just thought that you'd . . . you know . . . want to be more covered up," Fuyumi said haltingly. Then she said, in the rapid cadence of someone who wants to change the subject as quickly as possible, "So I hear you're a scholarship student at Ouran. How do you like it there?"

Haruhi had never met Fuyumi before, but she was surprised that anyone related to Kyoya would be so easily flustered. She glanced at the wine bottle and wondered if the alcohol was making her that way. More likely, Haruhi thought, it was both the alcohol and the reason behind the alcohol that made Fuyumi so out of countenance, whatever that reason was. Haruhi once again felt bad for walking in on Fuyumi, despite the woman's hospitality. She began to think of a way to make a graceful exit.

Fortunately, after a minute or two Fuyumi seemed to recover from whatever had discombobulated her and became a charming hostess, making Haruhi feel at ease. The two of them sat at the bar chatting, and Haruhi found she liked Fuyumi very much. She had many of the same qualities as both Kyoya and Tamaki, as well as a sense of sophistication, wisdom, and maturity that no teenager could ever achieve. Even so, Haruhi noticed that Fuyumi seemed distracted. Several times she looked as if she wanted to say something, but then changed her mind. Haruhi didn't want to push, so she talked about Kyoya and Tamaki, her dad and the host club, and what it was like being a commoner at a school for the rich. She listened as Fuyumi talked about her life, how she missed her husband who was on a business trip to Canada, and how she loved to visit with her mother and brothers. Haruhi noticed Fuyumi didn't include her father in that list, but again, she didn't want to pry.

Eventually, Haruhi stood up and bid Fuyumi goodnight, then picked up her now-empty mug to bring to the kitchen. As she reached the door, however, Fuyumi practically jumped out of her chair and burst out, "Me, too, Haruhi! Me too!"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o